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The only way I recover

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“Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just… start.”

— Ijeoma Umebinyuo

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30 thinspo challenge

Day 8

Your workout routine

I don’t have one. I just do cardio from time to time and go jogging for 10-20 min one time in a week or more. Depends on my mood.

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30 day thinspo challenge

Day 6

Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

Don’t we all binge? Because I do it quite often. Sometimes I just get tired of starving and restricting especially when I don’t see any progress. “Why should I say no to food, when in the end I’ll still be fat?” And than I binge. The first hundreds calories are like hell, and I feel guilty of ruining everything that I achieved. But than I get angry at everyone and myself and than I eat even more. “I ruined it, I can’t go back now. If you want to be fat, than be it.” And than I eat without thinking anymore.  

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30 day thinspo challenge

Day 5

Why do you really want to lose weight? Are you doing it for you?

I really don’t know. I’m trying to lose weight for so long that I forgot why. I guess I just want to look like the skinny girls or wear shorts and skirts without being ashamed of my body. Or just eat. If I lose weight I can eat normal or at least eat something. Than I don’t have to starve myself so often anymore.

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There’s something about losing your period and hair falling out that feels so rewarding.

And that empty pit in my stomach feels just as euphoric.

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Why does my mother always decide to do the most fanciest dishes and bake desserts everyday when I start a new diet?

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30 days thinspo challenge

Day 4

Your Greatest fears about weight loss

I’m not really scared of loosing weight. I’m actually really tired of not loosing anything. I mean in the last month I could loose like 5kg and that’s it. But I’m really scared my parents would notice that I lost to much weight when I reach my gw. And I’m terrified that they would force me to gain it back. I starve and binge for the last few years so I’m so fucking scared to gain the weight back that I could already loose. There are so many people here that loose 5kg in a week and for me it’s a big achievement to loose the slightest amount of weight. At least I can lie to my parents that I did loose it in a healthy way since it takes so long. And they don’t really notice the change right now so I hope they won’t notice it later.

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🌑Cry Baby Diet🌑

🔓Week 1🔓

Wednesday

Calories: Fast✅

I did fast since Monday evening so I starved for like 47 hours already but I ate the dinner my mother made for me. And than I binged on the cupcakes my gf made for me. So I did messed up Wednesday but I’m not really mad about it since I fasted on Tuesday and the whole Wednesday. But I really need to start follow the Diet.

3 Liters of water 🚫

Is it even possible to drink so much water in one day? I have to pee every second when I drink more than 2 liters.

Jogging🚫

I’ll probably go tomorrow and do a cardio too, since I don’t plan on going somewhere tomorrow.

No eating after 7pm🚫

Why is it always so easy to binge after 7pm? Maybe I should start going to bed in the afternoon and do my shit in the middle of the night.

8′000 steps🚫

My legs are hurting but at least I did something right today. I still hate myself though.

~THE SONG OF THE DAY~

🌃Infinity by James Young🌃

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30 day thinspo challenge

Day 3

A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?

Since my biggest insecurity are my legs nothing works for me like leg thinspos. I want to have a thigh gap. I’m so disgusted by myself every time I walk and I just feel how my thighs rub on each other. I mean, it’s not wrong or ugly to have thick thighs, I really think it beautiful but on me it’s just doesn’t look right. It was always my dream to look like this since I was twelve or sth. I want to dress like her, I want to wear skirts and knee socks. I just wish my knees wouldn’t touch anymore.

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🌑Cry Baby Diet🌑

🔓Week 1🔓

Tuesday

Calories: 400 ✅

I fasted today because of yesterday

3 Liters of water 🚫

I drank like 1 Liter of water what’s already a huge achievement for me. And of course I had another energy drink today but it didn’t really helped me and I slept the whole afternoon.

8′000 steps ✅

I did it, I don’t even know how tbh. I just went to the store with my gf for some fall decorations and I bought a candle which burned my finger later but she smells nice at least. And I was searching for sugar free monsters so I had to walk a bit because I live in a shitty town.

No eating after 7pm ✅

I didn’t ate today

Jogging ✅

I did a jog for 20 mins with just one short break so I’m really proud of that since I have troubles with running even for 5 mins straight.

~SONG OF THE DAY~

🔴Red Lights by Bang Chan and Hyunjin🔴

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🌑Cry Baby Diet🌑

🔓Week 1🔓

Monday

Calories: 500 🚫

I ate more than 500 cals because I had a sleepover with my girlfriend so I couldn’t really choose what I was eating. So I already fucked up the first day but I’ll do a fast from Tuesday to Thursday so I hope that it doesn’t really matter what happened on Monday.

3 Liters of Water 🚫

I just had an energy drink and a glass of coke

8′000 steps ✅

Instead of doing the 8′000 steps I did 25 minutes cardio because I just didn’t wanted to go somewhere today.

No eating after 7pm🚫

My last meal: 9 pm

Jogging🚫

I totally fucked up Monday but that's alright I do better next time.

~SONG OF THE DAY~

🎊 LOCO by Itzy🎉

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30 day thinspo challenge

 Day 2

How tall are you, do you like your heigh?

I’m like about 150 cm but I’m not sure since no one believes me that I’m so small.

I don’t really mind it but I have many troubles with buying clothes online especially jeans. Not even online like I can’t find the perfect jeans for myself since I’m really chubby and I have to take bigger sizes even though the size small is sometimes already a little bit to long. So I started hating buying clothes for me years ago since nothing really fits me well. And I am small so I look like a round small ball or idk. 

I just want to be the petite girlfriend but I guess I have to loose weight for that.

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30 day Thinspo challenge

Day 1

Name: Lia         Age: 16         Pronouns: She/They        Orientation: Lesbian

Height: 150cm

Weight: 55.0kg

Waist: 67,5 cm

Hip: 91 cm

Bust: 90 cm

Thigh: 55 cm

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~100cal roasted cinnamon banana~

(i already ate some before i noticed i haven't taken a pic haha)

It's really sweet and easy to make!

I usually eat it as a breakfast or as a dessert.

I usually don't really eat bananas but they are very filling! Also because it's really sweet you can't eat that much of it before feeling full:)

You need:

-100g banana (89cals) i used more... I used about 140g which made it about 124cals

-cinnamon

How to:

Just cut up your banana,put it in a pan until golden/brown, sprinkle some. Cinnamon and enjoy:)

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this video haunts me