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With my due date just around the corner, I’m going to be taking a break from my daily posts and weekly blogs. I hope you have an amazing summer! Mine will be spent looking for rocks and playing outside with a nearly two-year old, spending lots of time with family, and of course... hours of newborn snuggles (the very best kind)!!!! I plan to live in the moment (all of them) and appreciate the countless blessings that come my way, and I hope that you do too! 💕 #greetthemountains #liveinthemoment #countyourblessings #hiatus

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Post #43- Waiting

Humans are designed to grow, change, and evolve. (It’s what we are good at). So, long as life doesn’t change too quickly we are happy. And, even if things progress faster than we are comfortable with, the stress and anxiety that can attach themselves to those changes are emotions we have become skilled at coping with. However, what about when we are forced to wait?

I think I’m in the majority, when I say that I’d rather things move too fast than too slow. Movement means things are happening, there are tasks to complete, and I can be focused on getting what I want/need. When I’m waiting, it means there is no action I can do that will help me get closer to those goals I am trying to reach, and this down-time can feel  very frustrating.

I know that waiting does not mean things aren’t happening behind the scenes, but typically it means I am helpless to control how those behind-the-scenes events are unfolding. (Most of the time, I don’t even know they are taking place).  When you have to force yourself to stop and be patient, it frequently feels unnatural- which is why impatience is something most of us deal with so frequently. We are not designed to be immobile, and when we must pause it quickly becomes uncomfortable.

However, don’t think that waiting is fruitless. Don’t believe for one second that growth is not possible while you wait. If you’ve ever read a book where the character was forced to wait, or if you’ve ever seen a movie where a long stretch of time must pass in order for a character to grow or change, you understand that even from an outside perspective humans don’t like watching other people wait either. In books those long periods of time are either covered in a paragraph or two, or the author diverts the story to another, usually minor- though pivotal, character who can take action. In movies, directors conveniently disguise long periods of waiting and growth, as a montage. (And, let’s be honest… who doesn’t love a montage where in just a few minutes you get to listen to an inspiring, upbeat song, while you see an intense transformation take place in a matter of a few minutes.) Those fast results are what we crave, and both authors and directors know this.

When we are forced to wait, the progress that happens is slow and usually invisible. Incremental changes take place, and over time they certainly add up. However, as we go about our daily lives we barely notice them. Chances are good that even when they are noticed, we think things are happening too slowly any way.

But, that waiting period is just as valuable as the times in life when things move so fast we can’t catch our breath. In fact, it’s the waiting that makes those times of fast-paced change possible. Because, if we weren’t ready… those breathtakingly quick moments would suffocate us. Metaphorically speaking, the waiting we must often endure, gives us the training we need to remember to breathe when life tries to take our breath away. You might not hear “The Eye of the Tiger” blasting in the background as you go about your day, but don’t underestimate the power of your own montage-worthy waiting periods.

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Post #42- Selflessness

According to a search engine definition, selflessness is “concern more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own.”

My daughter is, without a doubt, the first priority for both my husband and myself… and we wouldn’t have it any other way. I expected my life to change after having a child, but what I didn’t know was how it would change. It only took one look into my daughter’s eyes to realize that I wanted to be the best version of myself, so that she could have the best of me. In just a few short weeks after that revelation, it became extremely apparent that being the best me would require some work. (There were a lot of areas where I wanted to improve… and I seemed to be finding new ones each day!)

I used to think that the best way to take care of others was to put their needs ahead of my own, but since becoming a mother, I have learned that this plan doesn’t always work. I couldn’t be the best me for my daughter if I didn’t make time to improve. So, I found myself carving out more “me time” than ever after she was born, not because I selfishly wanted alone time… though to be fair, that was an occasional perk. I used that time alone to work on becoming the person I wanted to be. I became healthier physically, mentally, and emotionally. I started working towards some long-term goals that I had been putting off. Overall, I started investing in quality time on my own, so that when I was with my daughter I was able to be more focused on her. (Did you know it is almost impossible to keep up with a one-year-old if you are sleep deprived!?! Because I found out the hard way!)

Being selfless doesn’t mean you give all of yourself away to others. Nor does it mean you work tirelessly doing and caring for others until you collapse. It means that you take extra measures to make sure you are at your very best as often as you can be, so that you can give your best to those you want to share it with, and you have to be judicious about who you share your best self with. Because… let’s be honest, you only have so much energy to give, and you want to be sure it’s being allocated to those who need it most. (Like a toddler who needs a hug. Or, a best friend who needs to talk).

My daughter has undoubtedly made me a better person, because I realized that I cannot take care of her if I don’t take care of myself first. So, I spend mornings alone reading and drinking coffee. I work out most days. I dress better than I used to… because my daughter likes to dress up, so I’ve started to follow her lead. I eat healthy and try to avoid those foods that make me feel sick. I get enough sleep, and spend a good chunk of time working on my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. From an outside perspective it may appear that I care more about myself now more than ever, and those who have that opinion wouldn’t be wrong. But, they might be surprised that my reason for being a better me is entirely selfless. I love feeling better about myself, but I’m not only doing it more me. I’m doing it for her- and her little brother or sister who will be arriving in just a couple of weeks. I spend time working on myself so that the two of them, my husband, family and everyone else I meet can have the best version of me show up for them.

(I wrote this post without even realizing that Mother’s Day was this weekend, but I think the message is appropriate for the holiday. To all those mothers who give selflessly to everyone else… Happy Mother’s Day!)

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Post #41- Let Go Of The Old So The New Can Arrive

Humans are masters of routine. We all have those patterns of behavior we love to follow, regardless of how productive they are. One reason for this is because we naturally seek out what is predictable. If we know the outcome of a situation- even if we don’t like that outcome- we can find a certain amount of safety/security in it.

However, if we always stick to behaviors with known outcomes, we will not be able to change our current situation. If you like the situation you are in 100%, there is no need to change. But for those looking for change, growth, new directions, or an increase in positive outcomes, stepping out of your predictable patterns and into the unknown is required.

There are few people in this world who actually look forward to this. The unknown is one of the scariest places to be. Rarely does an unknown situation result in catastrophe, but when we find ourselves in that foreign space, our brain immediately assumes the absolute worst. This then leads to fear and anxiety, sometimes in overwhelming quantities.

The unknown is always uncertain, and because uncertainty leads to fear many people spend their whole lives trying to avoid it. Instead, they are willing to live the lifestyle they are currently in, even if they don’t like the situation, because it is at least familiar.

It takes courage to move away from the familiar… a lot of courage, and a lot of energy. Most of us only do this if life circumstances force us to. However, when you purposefully take action to step away from your familiar routines and step out into unfamiliar territory in an effort to improve your situation the universe is always there to catch you, lead the way, and provide you with what you need to move forward.

There is a guarantee that you will feel fear and anxiety at some point, but don’t let those negative feelings keep you from reaching for those goals that are pulling at your heart. Just because the path to attain them will be challenging does not mean that it won’t be worth it. And when you let the old go, you always make room for amazing new opportunities to arrive.

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Post #40- The Pull of the Moon

My first memory is of the moon. Most kids have a first memory of a person close to them, a special gift, or a defining moment… like starting preschool or becoming a brother/sister. Not me. Before I became a sister, started school, or had the mental wherewithal to start picking out favorite toys, I remember the moon.

My parents and I were on our way to visit my maternal grandparents who lived in Philadelphia at the time. The trip was a long one, over 13 hours, and so it was common for us to drive at night. I don’t know how close we were to my grandparents, nor do I remember the details of that specific visit. I only remember sleeping in my car seat in the back of our blue Subaru, and my mom calling my name to wake me up.

“Sarah,” she called softly. “Sarah, wake up and look at the moon.”

Groggy, but curious, I lifted my head and saw in front of me the largest, brightest, most vibrant yellow/orange moon I have ever seen. It filled the whole sky and hung on the horizon. It was absolutely massive… and beyond gorgeous. Even at my young age, it took my breath away.

I was young when I had this memory. I was still an only child, and I don’t believe my mother was yet pregnant, so I couldn’t have been more than 2.5-3 years old. (Even my parents can’t remember my age, though they do remember the moon). Still, that night made a lasting impression on me.

In that moment I fell in love with the moon, and all of nature with it. From that time forward I have never tired of seeing the moon, or starts. I could stare up into the night sky every night, all night, and never get tired of its beauty. Every time I see the moon, whether during the day or late at night, my heart rushes with excitement, and I’m filled with awe. Even in my 30s the moon causes me more joy than some kids feel Christmas morning.

Since that time, I have never seen the moon look as big as it did then. I know, being so young, my perspective might have been skewed- making the moon seem larger than it was, but I treasure the memory as I have it. And, I search. I search every night for the moon. I delight in its current beauty. Though I do wonder if I will ever see it looking as majestic as it did over 30 years ago.

Regardless, the moon pulls me to her, and hangs as a sign of the ever changing power of nature. She is merely a reflection of the sun, but her beacon pulls some of us to her on an almost nightly basis. She is there to remind us that this world is so much more than what is below our feet. This life is so much more than what is at eye level. And if we spend our life looking towards the heavens, we will surely find ourselves standing in awe at the wonder of everything below, around, and above us.

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Post #39- Spiritual Growth

Often when we think of growth and progress, we only foresee it as a steady increase that incrementally improves over time. However, if you were to actually watch growth in progress (something I’ve had a front row seat to for the past 20 months) you would actually see that growth comes through multiple, over-lapping stops and starts.

For example, a few months ago my daughter was accurately naming different colors when we asked her what they were. Blue of any shade was blue, red was red, and purple was articulated as the cutest two syllable “l-less” color ever, “pur-po”! However, this phase didn’t last long before she went a few weeks barely speaking at all. Instead, when she wanted or needed something she would simply lead us by the hand, point, or use her limited sign-language vocabulary. So what happened?

It wasn’t that she forgot the names of the colors. She still knew what each hue was and how to pronounce them, she was simply in a place in her growth where her energy was being used for other things. (It turns out it was being used to grow three new teeth, actually). So it was no wonder that she did not want to talk. Her mouth was hurting.

I see this over and over again though. One week my nearly two year old will be fascinated by numbers, and the next she’ll only want to sing about Ws. Or she’ll spend two weeks running everywhere, and the next 3 days sitting still coloring for over an hour at a time. She’ll eat adult sized portions for a month before suddenly growing three inches overnight. Then she won’t touch her food for nearly a week. She is clearly growing, but it certainly isn’t a steady overall improvement. Instead, its fits and spurts, stops and starts.

That’s how we, adults, grow too. Any time we learn something new or try to grow in a different direction, we can expect our growth to be sporadic. However, when we don’t see progress our immediate thought is that the effort we are putting in is not working. So, we usually stop right before we break free of a plateau or get to the rapid improvement.

For the past several months I’ve been diligently working on improving my spiritual health. There was nothing wrong with it before, but in an effort for a healthy, balanced life, I have realized that this facet of me also needs attention, so meditation and spiritual readings/lessons are now a part of my every day routine. It took a while to incorporate them in a consistent way, but once I did I noticed that my spiritual growth really took off.

However, I quickly became frustrated when nearly effortless progress in one area seemed to regress as another area took its place. For example, I had a week where I was the single most patient person on the planet. (Perhaps not the most humble, but definitely the most patient). It was amazing how waiting just didn’t bother me, no matter how long or irritating it was to get whatever I wanted/needed. The next week, I was back to being as impatient as ever, but then I found I was less bothered by stressful situations. And so it went, for several months where I would have huge progress in one area, only to have it taken away as another area improved in its place.

At first I thought I was doing it wrong- whatever “it” is… living, growing, etc. But, then I thought about my daughter’s growth and how she never really loses the new knowledge or skills she gains, they just take a back seat while other skills blossom. Eventually, it gets to the point where that old skill she excelled at for a short period of time resurfaces and is incorporated seamlessly into her daily activities. Once I realized growth, regardless of form (physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual), all follows the same pattern, I was able to relax and understand that even though I have many days where I feel like I haven’t grown a spiritual inch, I’m making huge strides overall in my spiritual health. In time, I’ll be able to look back and see that progress is being made right now, and I’ll be able to clearly distinguish the marked, steady, improvements over the long term. For today though, I’m content in simply knowing that growth is happening. Most days it feels awkward and uncomfortable- just like my daughter’s new teeth, but that doesn’t mean things are going badly. I know, too, that just as I’m getting used to new skills, they will be interrupted by others, and that’s okay. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

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Post #38- An Ounce of Courage

Most of the time when we speak about our past, we speak as though where we are now is better than where we have been. This, of course, is very often the case. Human nature dictates that we strive to grow, evolve, and change for the better over time. Even if we have a few more wrinkles or scars now than we did ten years ago, most of us would also argue we are wiser, more knowledgeable and in many ways better off than we once were.

Frequently too, a way to problem solve is to consult with your older, wiser friends and family members to get their take on a situation. I’ve also had it suggested that you should consult with your older, wiser self to see what he/she would tell you to do when making decisions.

That being said, yesterday I found myself in a unique position. I was thinking about where I was in life 10 years ago, and how far I have come. It’s true there has been a tremendous amount of growth and change, most for the better, during that time. But, as I evaluated my two selves, I actually found myself asking younger me for help.

10 years ago, I was finishing up my second to last semester of college. I had no idea what I was going to do with my English degree, nor did I have any concrete plans for my future. But, I certainly had a lot of hopes. I wanted to have a family, career, financial independence, and be healthier than I currently was.

At the time though, I was single, not dating anyone, living at home and working part-time while finishing my Bachelor’s. I had no idea what kind of career I actually wanted, and no concrete plans for making any of my dreams come true. The thing that strikes me as so amazing though, is that none of the details of my actual life situation deterred me from 100% believing I could and would have all those things I wanted. In fact, I didn’t just want them, I knew without a doubt that they would eventually happen. Ten years later, I’m happily married. I have a full-time career in Education. I write on the side. My husband and I are able to support ourselves independently of anyone else. I’m healthier now than I’ve ever been in my entire adult life, and we have one child with another due in less than 2 months! All those things that to some outsiders might have seemed liked nothing more than pipe dreams a decade ago, are very real now.

I was able to believe in myself so vividly despite all outer circumstances telling me otherwise. Why then, do I have such a hard time believing that my dreams of today will eventually come true as well?

I think as we get older, we often feel the need to be more cautious. We feel the need to take calculated risks and weigh our decisions heavily before making them. While these are not bad things, after all- experience has taught many of us the importance of being cautious, sometimes we can misplace that caution or even stop believing we can achieve great things moving forward.

Last night, as I sat at a red light, anxious about those dreams I hope to accomplish in the next few years, I found myself asking the slightly reckless, unwavering dreamer I was in my early 20s to give me a little of courage she had then. She certainly didn’t have life figured out, and she was barely holding herself together most days, but her courage and clear-sightedness in getting those things she dreamt of, despite having no plans for actually attaining them, was truly admirable.

So, I asked. I knew she had enough courage to spare, and she responded by giving me more than an ounce. She poured out her heart and gave me everything she had. Then she said in her very unprofessional candor, “Take it. It’s all yours. You’re going do great things with it. Just don’t give up.”

Never forgetting where you come from is important for millions of reasons, but be sure to also remember the best things about who you were at every age/stage of life. And… don’t be afraid to ask for a little bit back now as your older, wiser self.

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Post #37- One Step At A Time

Have you ever set an impossible goal for yourself? If you haven’t I strongly suggest you give it a try. If you have, did you attempt to achieve that goal? One of the greatest joys in life is accomplishing something that you once thought was impossible. But, what makes a goal impossible one day and then possible the next? Usually… it’s a plan.

Those goals that start out as impossible are often labeled as such only because we have no way of knowing how we are going to achieve them. If we knew the plan ahead of time, the goal would no longer be impossible, just challenging.

Challenging goals are great too, but when you set a goal that doesn’t have a plan… the planning becomes part of reaching the goal. And, that is exactly what makes impossible goals so unattainable for so many. It’s not because there is no way to achieve them, but rather that people feel they need a plan that takes them from start to finish before they can even begin. They want to see how every step will work out, and then they proceed to complete the tasks before them.

However, waiting for all the steps to be revealed to you before you begin will only keep you from achieving what you want.

Instead, the steps to reaching an impossible goal are pretty straight forward.

Create and set an impossible goal.

Start by doing just 1 thing that you think we bring you closer to that goal.

Assess

Repeat

Impossible goals are hard because there is never a full plan. You have to take it on faith that one step in any direction you think might be right will get you closer to where you want to end up. Sometimes those steps do get you closer to what you want. Those steps should be celebrated. Then you take another step, and celebrate that one if it also brings you closer to the final result you want. However, there will be many times that you take a step and it might be leading you backwards, sideways, or completely off course. That is why assessing each action is so crucial. It is usually fairly easy to get back on track when you are only one step off. (It’s much harder to get back on track when you’ve hiked up half a mountain or driven 8 hours in the opposite direction on the wrong interstate).

So, take things one step at a time. I, just like you, want to always know the full plan. But, part of achieving impossible goals is to figure out the plan along the way. In the end, it will all be worth it. And in the mean time you can rest assured knowing that the seemingly constant setbacks, interruptions, and failures are just a part of the process.

Focus on your next step. Everything else will reveal itself in time.

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Taking a break from the Blog this week to celebrate the Holiday! New post up next Friday!

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Post #36- It's Never The End of the World

Have you ever seen the landscape immediately after a volcano has erupted? There is nothing there. It looks like a vast wasteland, completely destroyed. A place so barren nothing will ever survive there again.

Have you ever seen the landscape a few decades after a volcano has erupted? It’s more lush, green, and fertile than it was before the volcano left it looking like a desert. Everything that seemed to have been destroyed is back and healthier than ever.

Nature is designed this way, able to destroy and create something better than what was already there, and as a part of nature… our lives can sometimes work this way too.

If the earth, this spinning globe we are on, can see to it, that new, rejuvenated life can come from even the most desolate looking situations, why in the world do we think that all our problems will result in the world ending?

This world isn’t going to end. It can easily take care of itself, just look at the healing and transformation that has taken place after a natural disaster of any kind. Sure it might take a while to recover, but eventually it does.

It’s not entirely our fault that we think our problems will result in catastrophic endings that we cannot recover from. For thousands of years, this was a crucial built-in defense mechanism needed for survival. How could we save ourselves from the saber tooth tigers lurking in the shadows if we didn’t have a boost of adrenaline to help us focus all our energy on survival? But, we don’t have to worry about saber tooth tigers any more. In fact, most of us don’t have to worry about tigers of any kind.

However, our brains are still naturally wired to go to the worst-case scenario of “what could be.” This is an intentional defense mechanism on nature’s part. But the uncomfortable, stressful, and difficult situations we face today are rarely life and death, even if our brains try to convince us think otherwise.

The truth is, no matter what happens it’s not the end of the world. As much as we’d like to think our problems are as special as we are… they aren’t. In fact, there is rarely a problem someone faces that hasn’t come up before at some point in time in history- and the world keeps spinning. We continue on and life moves forward, often providing us with solutions or new opportunities even better than the ones that created the problems in the first place.

When you find yourself thinking that your life is over because of a challenging situation remember that despite what it feels like, the reality is probably very different. Keep moving forward through the pain and mess of it all with the reassurance that eventually you will get to a place that is better than where you are now. You will be better and stronger for the experience. And it will probably be so much better, in fact, you’ll find yourself glad you endured the suffering to come out on the other side.

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Post #35- Discomfort & Growth

I have been uncomfortable for over a week now. The reason why constantly changes: headaches, sore back, insomnia, bad mood, anxiety, frustration, lack of focus. As soon as one uncomfortable phase passes another happily takes its place. Like right now, my toe is really hurting me. No joke- whose toe, a perfectly healthy one at that, just starts hurting out of nowhere?

  It’s been like this for 8 days, with no sign of letting up. In the past, I used to run from discomfort. I’d eat, sleep, binge watch tv, refuse to go out, etc. I’d do whatever I could to try to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

  But, I don’t run away from discomfort much anymore. While I’m certainly not perfect, and still think about trying to avoid the negative, I’ve realized that running only delays the inevitable feelings that will soon resurface.

  I’ve learned too that often when it feels like you’re having an off day, week, month, or even year, you are actually right where you should be. Because it is through discomfort that we experience growth. Discomfort is a sure sign we are transforming into a different/better version of ourselves.

  So even though I’m uncomfortable, I know there is a reason for it. Because of this knowing, I’m less inclined to run and more willing to stay in the moment and the unpleasantness of it.  I know it will eventually pass, despite the length of time it seems to linger. I know too, when it does pass, I won’t be the same person I was. Hopefully, I will be a little better, kinder, more patient, compassionate, and maybe even a little wiser.  

  I’ve heard many people say that there is no such thing as failure. You’re either succeeding or learning. I think the same idea can be said for the way you feel. When you feel good you are thriving, and when you don’t you’re growing. We need both in our lives.

  In the past I’ve resisted growing, but I see where I am now and where I want to be in the near future. I know I must grow in order to reach my goal, and for once… I am willing to go through all the growing pains to get there.

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Post #34- Unexpected Reminders

As much as I like routine, I am constantly reminded that the world (both physical and otherwise) doesn’t always work that way. And sometimes, God, the universe, or whatever higher power you ascribe too, likes to remind us of this in the most unexpected ways.

Most mornings I prefer to start my day quietly. The best days are the ones that start out with me waking up before my alarm goes off, usually before 6am, and heading downstairs to pour a cup of hot coffee. Then, I either read, write, meditate, or do a combination of the three for at least an hour before the rest of the house is up and running. Not every morning is like this; in fact, most aren’t. But, it is the ideal and I love the mornings when my ideal routine works out perfectly.

Even on those days when things don’t go as planned, I still try my best to keep the first few minutes of my morning silent. I ease into the day much better this way. However, this past Tuesday my morning was anything but quiet!

Our toddler decided, for reasons still unknown, that she wanted to welcome in the busy day long before the sun came up. Sometime between midnight and 4:30am she cried- mostly in her sleep- four times. Each time, it woke me up with a jolt. Our normally sound sleeper rarely cries in the middle of the night, and when I do hear I jump awake. Additionally, our dog decided he didn’t want to be left out of the fun and barked several times through the night just because. There were a lot of interruptions reminding me that just because it’s early AM does not mean it’s always quiet!

Finally at 4:30 the crying was louder than it had been all night, and lasted much longer. So, I got up and went to rock my child… who thought it should be time to play instead. After 15 minutes and a few more whimpers she was back to sleep, and so was I. But, when the alarm went off only 90 minutes later the house came alive. The dog started barking again, my husband and I were up and the toddler followed quickly behind us.

The first quiet moments I actually had on Tuesday were in my car on my way to work. The long commute always gives me time to reflect when I need it, and I found myself marveling at just how chaotic our morning had been. Not only that- but the noisiness had started SSSOOOO early! It was only moments later that I burst out laughing as I realized that just because I prefer peaceful mornings where I’m allowed to slink into the day unnoticed, doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love to shake things up every now and then.

Tuesday, He must have needed a good laugh… or at least a bit of excitement, and He didn’t want me to miss out on the fun. So, we welcomed in the day with noise and what I can only assume sounded to the Heavens like music- despite me mistaking it for jarring cries and piercing barks.

It was in that silence on the way to work, that I was able to smile at the unexpected reminder I had been given that morning. Life isn’t always peaceful… sometimes we need excitement. And, the universe/God in its infinite wisdom always knows how throw some excitement into our lives and shake things up… especially when we least expect it!

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Post #33- Comparison vs. Admiration

I’ve heard it said many times by many different people that if a group of strangers formed a circle and threw their problems into the center of it, that, after careful review of the issues in front of them, each person in the group would then choose to take back their own problem instead of trading them with someone else.

This idea may not be true for everyone, but I know that given the chance (and looking back on those problems in my life that I’ve overcome) I would prefer to keep my challenges rather than trade them with someone else. And, if this is true for me, my guess is that many people feel this way. 

So, if we’d rather face our own challenges than trade them, Why do so many spend so much time comparing themselves to others? 

Observation is an integral part of every day. We must observe those we meet in order to understand a situation, but it is incredibly easy for thoughts to attach themselves to our observations. Once our thoughts on a situation develop, emotions are often not far behind.

Observations +Thoughts + Emotions can quickly turn into Comparison 

And whether we feel greater than or less than the person we’ve encountered there is rarely a time when that feeling is actually productive. Usually it leads to jealousy or feeling bad about oneself. Sometimes it can make us feel greater, but does so at the expense of others.

Such a habit is easy to develop. (It sort of lends itself naturally to our daily progression of thought). So, How do we stop comparing so we can feel better about ourselves, our situation, and even our own problems?

1) We can stop attaching emotion to thoughts and label our observations as interesting instead. She’s wearing bright green shoes with neon pink socks. – Interesting.

Once we say that something is interesting our mind forgets to add in things like that’s so tacky!

Now we are only interested in the observation, no emotion required.

When you get really good at this step, you can take it even further and add a positive spin. She’s wearing bright green shoes with neon pink socks. – That’s so interesting; What a creative spirit she must have. (Now you’re actually smiling at the situation, and annoyance is nowhere to be found.)

2) Instead of feeling jealousy towards someone who may possess something we want, we can stop this feeling by pivoting our emotion around the thought. Turn jealousy into admiration.

For example: I love Audi cars, and I have for years. (I have my dream car, and Audi, picked out and ready to go!) That being said, I am not in the market to buy an Audi right now. If we do buy a new car in the future it will probably be something like a very practical minivan- not a luxury car!

When I see someone driving an Audi, I don’t get jealous. (There is no point. Jealousy won’t make my car- the specific make, model, and color with tan leather interior and sunroof come to me any faster, and it will only cause me emotional discomfort).

Instead, I choose to admire the car, and get excited about seeing it. I dream about the specific one I would love to have and remind myself that if that stranger driving the car was able to buy an Audi (or lease, rent, or borrow), there is no reason why the dream of buying such a nice car can’t be possible for me too.

There are two key points to this second example:

A) Admire instead of covet

B) Through the admiration you can allow yourself to imagine how that thing you think is so wonderful could appear perfectly for you in your life. Because chances are if someone offered you exactly what you wanted in a moment of comparison or jealousy, you’d request to make slight changes on it. (Even if it was just a new version or different color).

So stop comparing. Start observing and admiring. When you get good at both, start imagining a better, more perfect outcome for yourself… because imagining and dreaming is where it all starts. 

[greetthemountains-blog]

Post #32- Kindness

I had a thought last weekend that literally changed the way I approached my entire week: There is good in everyone… start looking for it.

Now, I’ve always believed there is good in everyone, but that never seemed to stop the occasional annoyances and irritations I would feel when certain people bothered me by their actions. (Drivers who act rudely, the cashier who isn’t polite, the family member who screams and throws their banana across the room because they want it served with the rest of dinner- not before, etc.)

Knowing that people are good wasn’t enough to stop me from disliking them for a moment or two (except the banana thrower… I’ll always like her). So, I had the idea that instead of just reminding myself of others’ goodness, I should actually start looking for it. 

When a driver rudely cuts in front of me, I try to remember all those times I’m in such a hurry that I probably do the same- and sometimes there is a good reason for it. 

When a cashier isn’t polite, I no longer take it personally. Instead, I’m kind to him/her. I spent years working as a cashier and know that customers are not always polite.

When someone throws a banana and screams, I can recognize that it isn’t an action done with the intention of being mean. Instead, I know that person is just frustrated and doesn’t know a better way to get their point across. 

There have been countless other times this week where I purposefully refrained from acting or speaking in a way that was less than kind to someone who was less than kind to me, and I decided to take a step back and try to find the good in that person. (Not just understand the behavior I saw, but to see the good reason why it might be happening.)

There was a student I worked with this past week who was not himself. He was late to an appointment, unprepared, standoffish, and all together acted nothing like what I was used to seeing from him. But, instead of being annoyed, I observed and really considered why there was a change. The truth was that this student was actually doing the very best he could in that moment, but he was nervous, stressed out, tired, and dealing with a lot of issues outside of school- not to mention a few in school. The standoffish demeanor was most likely his way of not breaking down in front of me. Being unprepared is very unlike him, but he really made an attempt to do what needed to be done, which is something he always does. Being late was only the result of having 100 other obligations to juggle, including children. Once I could look past what was in front of me, and see what was really going on- being kind was a natural response. This student was struggling, and hurting, and while I wasn’t a shoulder to cry on in that moment or someone who could offer heaps of motivation, I was able to share a kind word, and sometimes that all anyone really needs.

Obviously, unless I know someone personally, like my student or daughter, I can’t give a reason for why someone is acting unkind. However, when I take the time to look closely I can usually tell if someone is tired, hurting, stressed, or upset. And, when someone is hurting, worried, stressed, etc. it doesn’t mean their bad. Quite the opposite. It means their very good heart is in some amount of pain. (If they weren’t a good person, there wouldn’t be pain there to begin with). The best way to help a stranger heal is with a kind greeting or smile. Nothing big or elaborate- just a pleasant exchange when one is needed. At the very least, I have learned not to take what comes across as unkindness personally and to wish them well no matter what they’ve been through.

I know these are things we learn when we are in preschool, but until I actually stopped focusing on the bad actions and looking for the good in others, I found myself getting caught up in the bad attitude or hurtful behavior. Now, I have a way to stay detached from the situation while still being able to offer kindness and see the good in others, which is a benefit to everyone.

[greetthemountains-blog]

Post #31- Three Factors Needed For Health

So often when people talk about getting healthy, they only mean that they want to try to improve their physical health. While this desire is admirable and certainly worth pursuing, it often fails to deliver the changes one hopes for. Why?

The answer is straight forward in explanation but harder to implement in practice. We are not just physical beings. There is far more to each of us than that. We all have a physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual side, and in order to feel healthiest all three pieces of us must feel healthy too. If we are physically healthy but mentally depressed, our quality of life diminishes. If we have extreme mental clarity and the stamina and strength to run marathons but still feel like there is a huge hole in our lives, perhaps it is because our spiritual side is suffering.

We can all relate to a time when we felt fine physically, but something else in our life was so out-of-sync that it caused distress and an overall feeling of being unwell. A death of a loved one is a perfect example of this. Likewise, a stressful experience can have a similar effect.

In fact, it can get so bad that the unhealthiness of any one component of who we are can actually have adverse affects of the other two. Have you ever felt so heartbroken that you’re physical heart actually aches? Or so nervous/anxious that you become physically ill? How you ever been so physically sick that you start to feel depressed or hopeless? - Such reactions prove just how closely linked these three parts of us are, and yet for so many, the goal is to get through life ignoring as much of the mental and/or spiritual as you can. But, that is not the way to be truly healthy. To reach and maintain lasting results in mental health, physical health, or spiritual well-being, you must be willing to put in the work to become healthy in the other two areas as well.

If you ask someone who has lost a lot of weight how they maintain their weight loss, most say that the maintenance of their weight has come about because of a complete lifestyle change. What they mean by this, though rarely explain, is that their mentality towards health has changed. They now have a different view of what their lifestyle should look like, and if you dig deep enough you will find that many of these men and women have greater mental and spiritual health in addition to the physical health that is so easy to observe.

(Side note: Many people love yoga because it incorporates mind, body, and spirit all into one practice when done correctly. It’s also why so many people have great results with it, because it’s a way to bring health to all three aspects of who we are).

This does not mean, however, that if you want to become healthy you must have practices and routines set in place daily to make sure that each area of your life is in balance and healthy. Instead, it simply means that as you start on your journey towards health, you should be open to the fact that it will probably take you places you were not expecting to go. But, all you have to do is take one step in the right direction and be open to the rest.

Several years ago, I decided that I wanted to try to drink more water in an effort to become healthier. So, for 30 days I drank 1 gallon of water daily. (I now realize after some trial and error, and years of drinking large amounts of water every day, that my stature is a bit too small for 1 gallon a day. Unless I’m intensely working out, I usually stick to 3L a day, approx. 90 ounces). In that one month I only hoped that drinking water would bring me some added benefits of health, and maybe cause me to lose a couple of pounds. (I had more than a few I wanted to lose, but I figured it would be a start). However, what actually happened was that drinking water for a month led to a lot of small changes over time…

I started eating healthier

Then I started running

Then I started eating a lot healthier

Then I started becoming interested in how I could change my thought patterns to create better circumstances for myself. (It’s a lot easier to avoid chocolate cake when you legitimately do not want to eat chocolate cake when it’s in front of you. But it takes a lot of thought work to get from point A to point B. I’m happy to say that I’m finally at point B!)

Then I started to learn how these same thought patterns I’m creating in my healthy lifestyle can work in other areas of my life.

Then I started to look into spiritual practices that could do the same.

Then I started working out almost every day with a program that is perfect for me.

Now (when I’m not pregnant) I workout 5-6 times a week, eat very healthy, avoid all sugars and many processed foods, regularly and actively work on maintaining my mental health, and meditate for 15-25 minutes every day. (This last one is a brand new one that only just started).

This evolution of me into an overall healthier person has taken about 5 years. (And there were even more years before I actually started taking steps to become healthy when I wished and prayed that I could be where I am now.) That being said, I still have more I can do to become my very best self, but I know I’m in the process of getting there… and to be where I really want to be might take another 5 years, and that is totally okay with me. Because, truthfully, I have seen results every step of this process, and despite how hard it feels at times, the health I have gained from this experience is more than I thought was even possible for me 10 years ago.

If you find yourself thinking about becoming a healthier version of yourself, go for it! Start with a single first step, and then be open to where it leads you. One step in the right direction is good, but being able to follow the signs that explain where to place your next step, and the one after that, and all the other steps to follow is how you get to that lifestyle change of all-encompassing health (body, mind, and spirit) that you are truly looking for.

[greetthemountains-blog]

Post #30- There are a Million Ways to Get There

(A special thank you to Rebecca Zilkowski for letting me use this picture she took of Mooloolaba Beach in Australia!)

Set a Goal. Figure out the way you are getting there. Don’t forget the details. Stick to it no matter what.

This is usually the way people decide they are going to achieve whatever it is they are setting out to do. However, this formula rarely works. (Just think about all the people who set out to lose weight every January 1st and give up before the year is over.) Despite what many people believe. Being rigid and highly organized in achieving a goal is actually a less than desirable way of attaining it.

Why?... Because life is neither rigid nor organized. It’s fluid; always swirling and swaying, shaking and changing- usually at the exact moment we need things to remain still. And the more detailed and rigid we get when trying to stay focused on our end game, the less likely we often are at actually achieving it.

In 2008, I desperately wanted to go to the ocean… any ocean. (I usually start craving a visit to the beach after about 3 years being away from it, and in 2008 it had been closer to 7 years without seeing the ocean. So, I was well overdue for a trip). But at the time I lived in the middle of Illinois, far from any coast, and I was in my last semester of college… not an ideal time to take a trip anywhere- especially when you don’t have much money.

However, only a few months after this desire grew so strong I was literally in tears over it, my best friend surprised me with the most amazing graduation present… a trip to Florida for the two of us, complete with two days doing nothing but hanging out on the beach! It was a fantastic vacation, and even with my wild imagination, I could never have guessed that this trip, was how my vacation to the beach was going to happen.

I had tried to find other ways of getting to the ocean on my own. I had spoken with other people about going. Counted every penny I had to see if I could make the trip work. Googled the cheapest hotels and shortest drives to the nearest coastlines, but nothing worked out. Still, once I stopped trying to figure out how to get there, a way to the beach just sort of magically appeared… and under the very best possible circumstances.

When you learn the real secret to success, achieving that goal becomes almost inevitable. The truth, despite what every diet, meal plan, or get rich quick book tries to tell you, is that there are actually a million different ways to get that end result you are looking for. And, the beauty of it is that you do not have to know what any of them are!

Instead, you simply get started. Take a first step--- in any direction you think might be of benefit to you. Then take another. As you continue on, intuition, growth, grace, and life experience help you figure it out. I was listening to a podcast recently, and the person speaking was explaining that in the first year someone sets out to become an entrepreneur they will often lose money. They will run into a thousand ways to fail, and failure will, at times, be inevitable. But, if a person can make it past that first year. If they keep going, the experience from the first 12 months is almost 100% guaranteed to pay off. They will eventually succeed if they just keep at it.

So, don’t hold on too tightly to a plan. Instead, focus unwaveringly on where you are going, and be open to how you get there! Because the journey the universe has in mind for you, will almost certainly be far better than anything you could plan on your own!

[greetthemountains-blog]

Post #29- Learning to be Flexible

I made plans a few days ago to wake up early, get in 20 minutes of quiet meditation before the rest of the house woke up, crush the long-to-do list I had for the day, work out in the evening and wrap it all up by making a healthy dinner.

Of course, though, it never fails that as soon as I make plans I stringently want to adhere to that something comes up and all my plans crumble in front of me. What actually happened that day?

I woke up an hour late… after everyone else. My very quick meditation was interrupted by someone singing in my ear (highly distracting, beautiful though it was), and I experienced such exhaustion that I actually left work early to go home and sleep.

A healthy dinner and workout- no way! While dinner was still healthy-ish, it was not at all what I had planned, and I ended up nixing the workout entirely. (You can’t lift weights if you can barely lift your head off a pillow).

So that was my day, completely and totally the opposite of what I had planned. But you know what? That was okay.

It was okay that things took a huge turn and all my careful planning went out the window. It was okay that my priorities for the day had to shift (drastically). It was okay that dinner was made by someone else, and my workout session turned into a Netflix night.

Learning to be flexible is probably one of the very best qualities to have in this life, if you don’t want to be someone who overreacts to every little thing. Learning how to go with the flow is an invaluable skill that makes days like the one above easy to manage and deal with. And, when you are mentally flexible enough to bend and change with situations and challenges that arise unexpectedly, it makes your experience living with them more enjoyable.

I could have begrudgingly taken a nap, but instead I chose to appreciate the time off and it made for a more restful sleep. I could have been annoyed that my workout didn’t get done. But instead, I was able to enjoy the time my husband and I spent together catching up on our favorite television shows. And, I could have been bitter that my plans were shattered before I even had a chance to get started, but instead, I laughed it off and took it as a sign that God knows what we need better than we do.

I know I can sometimes have a hard time slowing down, and I often push myself further than I should. My unplanned day was a reminder to listen for the cues that tell me when I need to stop and to really take the time I need to get sleep and rest. (I try, but it is hard to do).

So, I’m learning how to be flexible- and I’m a lot better at it than I used to be. I’m also learning that making plans for every minute of every day isn’t something that works for me. Instead, having a rough outline is usually best. Knowing the few things I need to do each day and trying my best to work them in always ends up being more productive than chiseling out a timeline that cannot bend.

The next time you make plans that fall apart, let it be a reminder to you that in a world as shaky and fluid as this one, learning how to be flexible is a far more valuable way to spend your day than following a predetermined minute-by-minute schedule.