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The Final Go
Distance, that seemed to be the main theme lately and I didn’t appreciate that. We hung out with friends and enjoyed our times but I noticed something that bothered me, there was always a space in how we interacted with each other around everyone. I didn’t think anything of it at first, until I was reminded of the same topic over and over again.
There were some subjects you hated to hear constantly but this was one that also lingered in my thoughts. The time we spent kept getting shorter and shorter and our conversations seemed more distant. I was being told by your friends that nothing has changed and that it was all in my head. It eased my thoughts for the time being but whenever we were together, that exact same thought came to me. I wondered, is this getting too much, does she even feel the same way anymore. Maybe I was left on my own and her thoughts have been somewhere else lately.
You were going away soon and travelling far away from me. I kept reminding you that it was a great experience to do and I was excited about it. I knew that I dreaded that day but I couldn’t tell you to stop talking about it because you seemed so ecstatic to tell me. Then I noticed, every little thing I did has upset you and I just brushed it off and apologized so we can connect more. I thought everyone deals with this and that having such interactions would make us stronger.
However, it kept coming more often and for the most unreasonable subject matters. It came to a point where it affected your friendships and I knew there was something wrong. Finally, the breaking point came and you asked for space. I broke down, I couldn’t believe I was hearing those words come from you. I didn’t want to believe that the moment may have been the last time I heard your voice. Your friends assured me it was temporary but I felt hopeless that at your most desperate times I couldn’t be there to comfort you. It seemed like you were enjoying yourself during this time apart. While I was left curled up, feeling sadness well up inside of me knowing we may never speak again. I regretted everything that came about and just wanted to hear your voice but I had to wait because it was the best thing I could do for you at that time. It killed me on the inside that you didn’t even for once think how I felt. You didn’t let me explain my side and now I’m left a broken man of what I was before we met. I tried to prevent this from happening but it was too late. I told myself the time has come and letting you go meant your friends would come back to you because as I always promised, I would do anything to put that smile on your face.
Even if it meant letting you go.
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#Imissus #WhatWeUsedtoBe #DifferentMinds #NLT
Source: Impact on Relationships
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Part Two
Days have passed and some things haven’t changed. I wondered if it ever will. The closer we became the more I wanted to give to you. I promised that smile would stay on your face and I continue forward with that thought. I brought you to new experiences and took to you to places you’ve never even imagined. We talked for days about the things you wished to see and hoped one day to be able to do them. From the sights of tall buildings to the tastes of exquisite cuisines, there was nothing more I wanted than to share these moments and see your face light up.
There was a moment when you went away and got yourself into trouble. I felt hopeless and didn’t know what to do. I wished only that I was there with you to calm your nerves and make the bad things disappear. I put every little bit of power together just to create an easier environment for you while you were away. This was another moment I promised myself, I wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt you again. No matter where you were, I would always find a way to protect every single being that is you. There was a time I recalled thinking to myself that I wouldn’t go so far deep into this but I guess things change and being with you so much made me change that mindset. I wouldn’t say I was falling in love with you because that is a strong feeling I can’t give up just yet. There was a time where I gave it away too fast only for me to be left with my own thoughts and wallowing at the fact that I let it go too soon. I still cared for you and I know in your perspective it didn’t seem like that at times but that’s how I felt.
My head couldn’t understand some of the things I was doing for you. When you lost your phone, I gave you a new one because I knew how much you needed it. When you wanted to cry from being overwork, I sent you flowers and came over comforting you to let you know everything was ok. It was a confusing time for me during all this. Everything seemed like it was going against you but I was trying my best to let you see the positive side of things. I wanted to be that positivity. After a while, I looked at myself and asked the same question again, is this all worth it? I really wanted an answer and kept searching for it as hard as I could. I told myself it will come through and that for now I’ll push through and keep my promise to put that amazing smile on your face that lights up my day. I was on the verge of contemplating things but I convinced myself that it will all work out later on.
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Part One
The first time we spoke, I had a jolted feeling that I couldn’t explain. Maybe it was just me, but I was hooked, and I didn’t want to expect anything because I knew what would happen if I ever pushed through. This time, I told myself, I would go about it differently. I’d build a wall to protect myself from ever going deep into the hole and tripping over something that blinded me. I was glad things did turn out that way.
I went away on vacation with my family to take my mind off things and think everything through. I had time to fully grasp what I was going to expect in the next few months. We talked a bit but I didn’t think anything of it. I came back, ready and fully refreshed after spending some time with my family. Our conversations took a small halt, and I was kind of glad that it did. It meant I stopped myself early and glad that I could be with my own thoughts for a bit. I went away again, this time with my friends to relax and unwind and getaway from what I thought we had forgotten about. Once again, I came back and nothing came about as our conversations did not continue. I thought we moved on from each other and I was happy this was the route it went. That was my mistake thinking it was all over. The jolted feeling apparently wasn’t just something I felt.
On my birthday, I had everyone there and celebrated in a small but grand way. I looked through the crowd and enjoyed seeing familiar faces come greet me. I was about to turn it in and move onto the next day, until you came in when everybody was just leaving. I didn’t expect you to be there, mostly because it surprised me you even knew about my birthday. You asked me why I thought you wouldn’t show. The surprise took me a minute to comprehend but I accepted it. We spoke once again, this time in person, alone, out in the patio. This wasn’t our usual blurbs of quick jokes but more of a deeper meaning and trying to connect with one another. The hardest question I heard was the last one you said before the day ended. “Do you feel the same way?”. I had numerous outlooks and in none of them had this outcome when I thought things through. I gazed at you blankly for a second but I realized what I just heard. My response was nothing but you heard what I had to say. You stared at my smile and saw the answer that I wanted to give but I couldn’t articulate into words because I was just so shocked. I will never forget that day because that was the time I promised to give you that same smile as much as I could.
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