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[gretavanmoon]

The Ripe and The Ruin (Chapter 4)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader, OC x Reader

Word Count: 18.0k

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Smoking, Angst, Anxiety, Embarrassment, Lying, Sexual Themes, Kissing, Oral M! Receiving, Oral F! Receiving, Protected Sex.

Find the Playlist Here: Apple Music | Spotify

A new series in collaboration with my talented co-writer @gretavanmoon.

"Like all good fruit, the balance of life is in the ripe and ruin."

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

HER POV

Thirteen hours. 

It had been thirteen long hours since you last saw Jake, leaving your room in a hurry of flustered nerves. You were dreading it, but he was nowhere to be found this morning, not a sight or sound from him since late last night. It had been ten hours since his text, coming to you far too early in the morning for your liking. He was sorry. Of course he was sorry. The text came so early in fact, that part of you wondered if he was just arriving back to the hotel from the amp situation, or if he was tossing and turning in his bed in much the same way you were. You loaded into the van bright and early with Wes and Paul, secretly wondering where he was or if he was going to show up at all, but if you had to guess he was likely passed out in his bed five floors up.

Your market list today was short, only a few things for Josh and Sam and the noticeable absence of normal requests from Jake. You didn’t think much of it, getting what you needed before making the trek back to the venue. You took the spare second to give Ruth a quick run down and she was just as confused as you were. For once in her life she had nothing to say. She was speechless and you didn’t blame her. 

She insisted you reply to Jake’s early morning text, but you couldn’t. You had no idea where to even start. You wanted to move forward and forget it ever happened, and in order to do that you needed to leave last night behind you. Right? You know that when you do see him today though, things will be tense. Maybe even a little awkward. You take solace in the fact that you will be busy the entire day, making it fairly easy to avoid him and forget about everything, you hoped.

You made your way back into the crew area, flashing your shiny laminated badge to security as you juggle the paper bags in your arms. You navigate the winding corridors of the venue hearing the sounds of rumbling bass and guitar echo through the halls, finding yourself smiling at the fact that this was a sound not many people got to experience. Jake must have made it here after all. Familiar voices laughing a few feet ahead of you snap you back to reality. You see Mia and Lyla hanging out in front of the greenroom, looking at something on one of their phones just as they spot you. 

“Y/N! Hey!” Mia shouts, waving you over, “C’mere!”

You turn to head over towards them, stopping short as Lyla grabs one of the bags from your arms. “I’ll take one of those!”

“Oh, thanks!” you smile, feeling Mia place her hand on your arm. 

“We just were talking a little while ago about how much fun we had with you yesterday. I know you don’t really know us that well yet, but you are welcome to hang with us whenever you want. Seriously. We want to get to know you, we need another girl on our side!”

“That’s so nice! Thank you so much, I appreciate that, really,” you answer, adjusting your grip on the bag in your hand. “I will take you up on that, yesterday was really cool.”

“Yeah, so what did you get into after we went back to the hotel?” Lyla asks, tilting her head a bit. 

“Oh, I just…I went to my room and hung out for a while, went and did a little sightseeing of my own and ordered room service and fell asleep. I was pretty exhausted after walking all day,” you say, bending the truth just a touch. 

“Huh, well, call us next time, hate for you to go out all alone,” Mia says, raising an eyebrow as she turns to Lyla. It almost seems as if she's waiting for you to correct her. 

It strikes you as a little suspicious but you know better than to play into it. “Yeah, absolutely. But hey I have to go get this set up, they will be looking for it any second.” 

“Yeah yeah, no problem, go, I know how Sam gets,” Lyla laughs, handing the bag back to you. 

“Thanks again, I’ll find you two later!” you shout over your shoulder. 

You rush into the greenroom, furiously arranging the food and drinks before soundcheck finishes. You want to get things set up, done, and be gone before they ever step foot in the room. Sure you told yourself you were going to be mature about things, but you weren’t going to put yourself in the line of fire. In fact, you had yet to see any of the guys today, and part of you was thankful. Trying to make awkward small talk with them was the absolute last thing you wanted to do right now. 

You wipe your hands on your pants as you finish placing the drinks into the cooler, feeling your phone buzz in your back pocket. 

Paul

3:43PM: Need another case of Topos and a bottle of soda water please

Fuck, where was this text an hour ago?

You

3:44PM: No problem, be back soon.

—

Two stores and thirty minutes later you are walking back to the venue, braving the cold with the case of drinks and bottle of soda water in hand. Your jacket is zipped all the way up to your neck, and still the wind is whipping right through you. You can see the venue gates a block away but the wind is making it feel like ten. Again you flash your badge to security, the burly man opening the gates to let you into the back parking lot. As you turn the corner to approach the entrance, you’re stopped in your tracks. Standing outside the doors, leaning against the brick wall is Jake. Of course. 

He doesn’t see you, not yet at least. His back is turned a bit to cut the wind. Clad in only a t-shirt and his corduroy jacket, you know he is freezing. The smoke billows from his lips, whooshing away quickly as the wind whips it into the air. His lips. His perfectly pink, heart shaped lips that were all over your body last night. Kissing and biting and… No. Stop it. You try to compose yourself, gripping the items in your hands as you head toward the door, prepared to say as little as possible to him, and walk straight inside. 

That of course, did not happen. 

“Have any trouble finding it?” he asks, turning to meet your eyes as he rolls his smoke out between his fingers, dropping the burnt tobacco into the grass. 

“Oh, um, no no, all good,” you answer nervously. Which was also a lie, you were kinda sweating finding the Topos for a second. 

Your eyes catch on his jacket, your mind swirling with the memory of his cologne that lingers in its fibers. You feel a tinge of happiness in your chest at the fact he is talking to you, though, why wouldn’t he be? You didn’t do anything wrong. You watch his lips twitch a little, and you can tell that he seems almost nervous to talk to you. 

“When are you ever gonna ask me for the things you want?” you ask playfully, trying to ease his anxiety. It never happened, remember?

He turns his body completely, crossing his arms over his chest as he smirks at you, “Well, the last time I texted you, you left me on read. So I figure I will just get my own things, now.”

Fuck, okay that plan backfired. 

You bite your lips together and look down to the ground, unsure of what to even say to that. He drops his hands to his sides as he looks at you, and you feel your body temperature start to rise under his gaze. The wind blows his hair across his face, in turn sending the smell of his cologne barrelling past you. You feel bad for him, of course…if the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t even be speaking to him right now, let alone be acting even the littlest bit flirty. You shiver a little, from the cold or the smell of his cologne, you aren’t sure. 

“I need to get this inside,” you stammer, at a complete loss on how to respond to that.

He nods his head and grabs the door handle, pulling it open and gesturing for you to go, but thankfully, he doesn’t follow you. 

Fuck. Okay. Okay. It’s fine. It’s totally fine. 

You rush back into the green room, finding Sam and Danny playing around with a mini golf toy. 

“Here you go Sam! Sorry! Had to go to two places to find the kind you like,” you smile, ripping the box open. 

“My hero!” he shouts, rushing over to you and wrapping his arms around you in a hug. 

You smile as he sets you down, tossing a can to Daniel, and then cracking the lid on his own. The two of them saunter back through the greenroom doors, leaving you alone to throw the rest of them into the cooler. 

You pull your phone from your bag, bringing up your text thread with Jake and staring at his last message. Maybe Ruth was right, you should respond. Now especially after that, after knowing he was still beating himself up over it. You type, delete and retype your message several times before finally landing on what felt right, and even more, you really mean it.

You

4:33PM: You have nothing to apologize for, Jake.

JAKE POV

As you continue to stand outside the venue and let the wind cut you in two, you wonder if your plan to play it smooth actually worked. She didn’t fully ignore you, she didn’t cuss you out, she didn’t laugh in your face… but she did speak. Only a few words, but you’ll take what you can get. It was hard to even say those few words to her, the instant courage you had to muster to speak to her after seeing her so unexpectedly almost threw you for a loop, but somehow, your words came out smoothly, concisely, and without sounding like you were a complete buffoon.

You relax a little as you know she is inside doing her duties, and you busy yourself pacing around the back exit to keep warm. The pre-show nerves start coming about this time of day, and sometimes it feels good to step out into the blistering cold for that extra shot of adrenaline to get your blood pumping. You jump up and down, shoving your hands in your pockets as you wait just a few more minutes… wanting to avoid having to make any more awkward conversation with her than you already had. 

As your hand hits your pocket, though, you feel your phone buzz. You pull it out, seeing a notification that she has finally texted you back. 

Y/N

4:33PM: You have nothing to apologize for, Jake. 

You read the text no less than fifteen times, smiling from ear to ear before anxiety sets in, making you think that maybe she is just being nice. But you do have something to apologize for. You were the reason for a completely failed night, a shitty end to the perfect “date”, left her pissed and unsatisfied, the absolute worst. All you’ve been able to think about all day long is how you are going to explain everything, and make it up to her. You know you can’t until after the show, but just the little bit of contact from her makes you feel like you could move mountains. Progress is progress. 

You’re pacing the hallways going back and forth between backstage and the green room, keeping yourself busy before you head to jam a little with the guys. 

“Hey, man. You good?” Sam asks as you’re brushing past him in a doorway. His tone is more inquisitive than normal, and the volume of his voice is the one he uses when he’s unsure, or in this case, concerned. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I mean… I wasn’t, really, but I am now,” you answer, pushing your sunglasses back up on your head. You watch his eyebrows furrow at your answer, wondering if you caught onto his loaded question. 

“I heard about your amp, what happened?” he asks. 

“I’m not sure, something with the wiring. Had a gash in the cabinet but the harness was all damaged to shit. They’re getting a rental, though… should be here soon,” you glance at your watch to double check the time, praying that you will have enough time to check it before tonight. 

“Mmm, maybe not…” Sam stops in his tracks, and turns the opposite way to go back out to the stage. “Let me take a look at it.” 

You’re surprised by him, but follow his quick steps anyway. You’re close behind him as you navigate the narrow halls, passing crew and staff left and right. And of course, one of them just happens to be Y/N. Her eyes widen as she sees the two of you. 

“HEY!” Sam yells at her, grabbing her by the shoulder. “Daniel told me to tell you thank you for the soda water and that he appreciates it,” Sam cheeses a giant smile at her as she cups her hand over his, still squeezing her shoulder. 

“No problem at all, Sam,” she giggles. “Man, you guys are really nice, no one has ever thanked me for getting them things this much,” she narrows her eyes at you, pursing her lips into the smallest smile. Mental note, thank her extra for whatever she decides to bring you to drink tonight…

“Well I mean we’re all assholes but we at least have manners,” he replies, starting to head toward the stage again. You part ways, but just her eyes meeting yours again was enough to make your heart flutter. 

Sam skips every other step as he climbs the metal stairs to the stage, making his way over to your damaged amp that has been set to the side. “Alright, let’s see…” he squats down and pulls the back off, and starts to fidget with the wiring inside. “Oh, shit, yeah. I see now…” He pulls up the flashlight on his phone as you watch him think. Suddenly he stands and runs over to your cabinet, grabbing two handfuls of tools before making his way back and dropping them by your side. He then hops over to his own setup and pulls the back off of one of his own amps, pulling a few things from it, too. What the fuck is he doing?

He returns a minute later with some of the guts of his own amp, and pieces of it that you are sure you’ve never even seen before. He kneels back down and grabs a screwdriver, going back to work. 

“So, you say you’re good now, but you weren’t, right?” he asks. “You’ve been acting kinda backward lately.”

“No I haven’t,” you kick back. 

His eyes quickly scan to yours as his hands work at a quick pace. “Yeah, you have. I’m not stupid.”

You sigh, knowing that he isn’t gonna give it up. “I’ve just… got some other shit going on right now, I’ll–I’ll explain it all later once I get it dealt with,” you lie. The half-assed explanation will have to do for now, there is no way you are going into detail about all the good and bad happening in your life, especially since Lyla may be giving Sam a completely different story than the one you would give him. 

You watch as he effortlessly completely replaces the wire housing, splicing the old wire at the perfect spot before tightening it back into place again. “There, that should do it…”

“Does your amp not need that stuff?” you ask, leaning your hands on your knees as you watch him.

“Eh, yeah, but I think this will be okay,” he says. “Alright, fire it up!” he yells at the techs, and you take that as your cue to grab your guitar to test it out. You plug the wire in and wait for Sam to get the thumbs-up from the booth. You play a single chord, hearing it ring across the arena with near-perfection. 

“Holy shit Sam, how did you do that?!” your jaw is hanging slack as you make your way back over to him. “The techs couldn’t even figure it out…”

He wipes his hands against each other and stands with his hands on his hips like a proud father. “Eh, been watching Mark for a long time, now. Youtube deep-dives, ya know. Picked up on a few things.”

“Shit, I’m impressed,” you laugh. And you really, really were.

“Yeah, ya know, sometimes finding the root of the problem is the first step in making things work out how you want them to, know what I mean?” He bumps your side with his elbow. Yep. His first question was definitely loaded.

You nod slowly. “Yeah… thanks…”

“No problem.” He walks a little closer to you, barely twisting a peg on the headstock of your guitar. “There, now you’re tuned, too.” 

You glance at the stock, seeing that he was right, the little fucker. You watch as he skips down the stairs again, throwing one finger in the air above him, screaming, “Cancel the rental!”

—

You and Sam decide to wander around the empty venue for a while, checking out the view from the top row of seats, enjoying a shared blunt as time ticks by. You don’t get to spend much time with just Sam, but every now and then you find a moment like this. You’re close with Sam, in a different way than you are with Josh. He understands things differently than Josh, and for a moment as the smoke swirls through your veins you consider asking him for advice about Isla. 

You know it's a dangerous game, but without the influence of Lyla you think he would answer truthfully. Passing the blunt back to him you start to speak, but are quickly interrupted by your phone buzzing in your pocket. You pull it out, seeing a name on the screen that you’d been waiting for for a few days. 

“Hey, let me take this, I’ll meet you back in the green room?” you ask, hoping he will catch the drift. 

His face twists up in confusion, “Huh? You never answer your phone.”

“It’s Chris. I’ve been waiting on this call. Let me grab it,” you say, flashing the screen towards him. 

“Oh, oh. About your new band with your new friends that aren’t me and Josh and Daniel. That's fine, yeah yeah take the call,” he says playfully. 

“Old friends Sam, and don’t be like that…” you chide. 

“No, it’s totally fine, cheater, answer before he hangs up,”  he smiles, elbowing you as he stands up. You tap the green icon as he starts to walk away, clearing your throat and stifling back a smile.

“Chris…” you answer. 

“Jake…” he answers, a happy lilt in his tone. 

“I’m guessing this means we’re doing it?”

You hear him laugh on the other end of the phone, “Oh yeah, we’re doing it.”

—

“Jake, you good?” Danny asks, standing up from his practice kit. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m feelin’ really good actually,” you answer truthfully. You stand, placing your guitar into the stand and shaking out your hands as Josh steps up towards you. 

“Drink?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. 

“Followin’ you…”

You do follow him back to the greenroom, needing a drink to get your blood moving and to shake those pre show jitters. As you step over the threshold you spot Y/N sitting on a couch talking to Lyla, Ty, and Mia. You wonder for a second if she has mentioned anything about what happened last night, but from the happy look on their faces you know it’s likely they know nothing about the two of you or what transpired last night.

You walk over to the drink table, Josh already getting started on making a drink for the two of you. You laugh at his heavy handed pour, but accept it graciously. You can hear the rumble of the crowd, the opener finishing up their set this very minute. Your eyes flick over to Y/N, catching her looking at you for just a second before looking away. The feeling of her eyes on you has your chest warming up, no alcohol needed. 

In all reality you were ready for this show to be over. You knew that as soon as you got the chance you were going to whisk her away to talk about last night, explain things, and hope she understood. You just had to get through this show. 

You grab the drink from Josh and make your way over to the empty couch across the room, sitting at the very end and crossing your leg over your knee. You know you’ve got about thirty minutes until you need to walk, and you still need to change, but a quick drink would do you some good so you enjoy the few moments listening to Josh ramble. 

Just as you start to relax you notice Y/N standing from her place on the couch and walking over towards the corner of the room. You try not to stare, knowing Mia and Lyla’s eyes are on you but you have an idea of what she may be doing, so you sit back and watch to find out. 

You hear her walkie talkie chattering from across the room, the time until stage is growing smaller and smaller. As she stands back up she turns around and looks at you, letting her eyes linger on you for just a few seconds before she walks out of the room with your bottle of wine in hand. You stifle back the smile on your lips as you think about her going through your bag again. It’s strange, you’d never allowed any of the other runners to do that, but she was different. You found yourself excited at the idea of her touching your things, finding your wine and readying your drink for the stage. 

You turn back to Josh who has his eyes locked on you with a knowing grin. He clears his throat and makes sure that no one is listening before he speaks, “Are you two good, then?”

You nod your head inconspicuously, sipping at the drink in your hand. “Seems that way.”

He pats his hand on your thigh harshly, “Good, go get changed. We’ve got a show to play.”

Just then, Paul ducks his head through the door looking frazzled as usual, “Boys, twenty minutes.”

Josh tilts his head to you, and you stand up heading for the dressing rooms. You quickly change into your suit and slip into your boots, ready to swipe on some eyeliner before you hit the stage. You hear your phone buzz on the countertop, and it zaps all of your attention. You are practically stumbling over your own feet to get to it, hoping to see something from Y/N, and much to your delight, it is. 

‘Y/N Added A Song to Your Shared Playlist: 🐥’

Oh fuck, a song. 

Your heart is pounding in your chest, you want to open it immediately but you know you have to get this eyeliner on first. You grab the pencil and pull your lid down, swiping on the dark black liner, smudging it out with your finger the best you can before repeating it on the other side. All you can think about is what song she added. Will it be happy? Will it be sad? Is she telling you she doesn’t want to do this anymore? That you fucked up?

You cap the liner and toss it into your bag, running your fingers through your hair and adjusting your suit jacket in the mirror. You look good, you look really good, and you know that a spray of cologne probably wouldn’t hurt. You snatch your phone off the counter and make your way back into the greenroom, finding everyone else dressed and ready to walk. 

You make your way to your backpack, crouching down in front of it searching for the small glass bottle of cologne you know is floating around at the bottom. You pull it from the bag and give yourself a generous spray. It calms you, in a way, breathing in the familiar scent. It centers you and reminds you of home. 

Unable to wait a single second longer, you tap the notification on your screen bringing up the shared playlist, scrolling to the very bottom. Your heart leaps in your chest when you see her addition, and you know that you are about to play a good show because of it. 

You tap the song, letting the sweet and sentimental notes of ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ by Frankie Valli ring through the air. You turn the volume up probably a little louder than it should be, but you don’t care. It’s not long before Josh notices, peering over at you from the rim of his paper cup. 

“Jake, is that Frankie Valli? Holy shit, wait, do you like good music now?” he teases, throwing you a wink. 

The chorus echoes through the room, Sam and Lyla obviously enjoying the song as he dances her around the room. He pops a few grapes into his mouth as they spin and you can’t help but to notice that this song alone has brightened everyone's spirits in a matter of seconds. She definitely had that effect on you, but now her magic was being cast on others. You almost wanted to thank her, and you would, tonight. With extra thanks…

You quickly pull up your texts with her, deciding to let her know you saw it without saying too much. 

You

8:31PM: 😎

You know it’s risky but you don’t care. You also know the chances of her replying to that are slim, because in all honesty what do you even say to that? But she continues to surprise you, your phone buzzing in your hand before you can even put it back in your bag. 

Y/N

8:32PM: 🎸

You can’t seem to shake the smile from your face and you’re glad you are still crouched down in front of your bag, because you know everyone would have a million questions the second they saw your shit-eating grin. 

“Let’s go guys, time to walk!” Paul shouts, pulling your attention away from the little guitar emoji. You toss your phone in your bag and straighten out your suit, trying to get your mind back into the zone to play this show. Get through this, then you can talk to her.

Your heart is beating fast though, knowing that at the end of this hallway she is waiting for you. You know you have to play it cool, you don’t want to seem too eager. You clear your throat and fall to the back of the group, saving yourself for last.

You’re fine Jake. Just act natural, be cool.

—

HER POV

The tequila cocktail… the Topo… the spiked hot tea… and…

The shadowed figure is bringing up the rear like the tail end of a parade of sequins and sparkling material, dressed in black satin and glittering in the dim lights, hair flowing back from his shoulders as his right hand falls to his stomach as he walks. His face is contoured by the flashing lights of the stage, showcasing the smudged black eyeliner carefully but heavily painted over the eyes that were boring into you, now. 

You feel your hand begin to shake on its own accord, trying not to spill the chalice of white wine that it was, in all honesty, about to drop to the floor below you. You swallow harshly as he makes his way toward you at almost slow-motion speed, his eyes dark and hollow as his presence approaches. Your hand shakily extends the cup, glancing up to him again as he bites his cheeks in, suppressing a smile that reads more like a judgment on behalf of your probably flustered state. Why are you reacting this way? This man literally gave you one of the most awkward exchanges of your night last night…

His fingertips are nearly on fire as they barely graze yours, taking the cup with a quickness.

“Good luck,” you mutter, probably barely audible over the opening orchestral. 

He flips his hair out from underneath the strap of his guitar with his free hand, side-eyeing you as he walks toward the stairs to the stage. “Mmm, don’t need it, babe.” As if the pure adrenaline wasn’t already enough to knock you over, his bold act of cocky audacity steals all the breath directly from your lungs, leaving you standing with your mouth agape and your hands dropped at your sides. God damn, why is he like this? 

“I don’t know… I’ve seen you with stage fright before…” you retort, suddenly feeling bold enough to joke about what happened the night prior. 

“Ohhhh, is that how it’s gonna be?!” he laughs, bumping into your shoulder. “Hope you know that’s not normally how those kinds of nights go for me…” he yells back over the deafening music, avoiding eye contact with you as he takes the first sip from his wine.

You cross your arms over your chest. “Oh, it’s not, is it?”

He shakes his head a little as he begins to ascend the metal stairs. “No. Most definitely not.” Your heart is pounding out of your ribcage as his words ring through your brain, replaying the utter humiliation of last night, followed by his overwhelming acts of confidence in the past minute. “Thank you, though, seriously. For taking care of us.” He leans over the handrail of the steps, leaning down to speak closely in your ear. “But for taking care of me, especially. I plan on returning the favor, don’t worry…” 

He stands back up and glides onto the stage, holding his wine up into the air as if to salute your efforts. Your mouth goes dry as you find yourself in a puddle of excited emotions. You can feel your mouth hanging open still from his words, your lips unable to close simply from hearing him say he wants to try again. It's all a conundrum, and now you’re full-on staring at him as he crosses the stage to stand with his brothers, fluffing his hair a little as he pulls a pick from the inside of his jacket, biting it between his front teeth. He turns back to you and winks, placing his own hand under his jaw, signaling for you to pick yours up off of the floor. 

—--

Minutes later you’re still standing at the base of the stairs, watching as they begin their night of revelry. Jake’s amp sounds perfect again, and you can tell that his worry of finding a replacement and anxiety of it not making it on time was all for nothing. He treats the stage like it’s his second life, a place where he can release his true inner self, or, maybe, an alternate version of the man that he is. You’re not sure yet, but you have a deep feeling that you will be experiencing it, soon. The thought of that makes your insides feel like they’re blazing with hormones, watching his performance pick up and slow down with each passing second. Yeah, you know for a fact last night was a fluke. Had to be. There’s no way he can’t really actually…nevermind. 

You pull your phone from your pocket, hoping that you have enough service to facetime Ruth. You don’t even bother doing the math to see if you’ll be waking her up or not, but you also know that she absolutely won’t care, if this is what she gets to wake up to. You press the green button, watching as it connects with only a little bit of blurriness from the reception. 

You plaster a smile on your face as you watch her answer, realizing exactly where you are, and what you’re in the middle of doing. You can’t hear each other, but you turn the screen around, giving her a full view of the show happening from side stage. You watch her face light up, and an ‘OH MY GOD’ form on her lips. You take the time to zoom in on each member, of course, saving Jake for last. He’s the closest to you, so you don’t have to use much zoom at all for her to really see him. ‘That’s him! That’s him, isn’t it?!’ you watch her mouth. Her hand snaps up to cover the lower half of her face as you watch her squirm with excitement. ‘Last night wasn’t real, you gotta let him try again!!!’ you read her lips, and you turn the screen back to yourself. 

You roll your eyes, mouthing back an enunciated, ‘I know!’ 

You let her watch for a few more minutes before the crappy reception disconnects you altogether, and she shoots you a quick text filled with nothing but a long string of random letters, letting you know she was fully freaking out. 

Right before the end of the show, you rush back to the green room to clean up the mess of whatever is left behind, replenishing and rearranging everything that needs it. You know the crew will be coming in to collect snacks and waters before their job begins tonight, and you’ve learned to put out almost every single food item that you can, knowing that none of it will go to waste. 

As you hear the encore coming to a close, you grab the four black towels waiting for you in your bag, rushing back out to side stage to hand them off to the guys. You find Paul waiting too, ready to give them encouraging back-pats of congratulations. Just like they entered, they exit the same, Jake bringing up the back as if he planned it. You’d been kind enough to hand Sam, Josh, and Danny theirs with sweet words of compliments and praise, but switched it up at the very end, tossing Jake’s towel into the air above him, forcing him to reach high and catch it in mid-air. 

The sweat is pouring from his every pore, pooling on his upper lip and center of his stomach. Your mind goes to a dark place for a second, wishing you knew exactly what it would taste like if you were the one to lick it from his lips. He quickly pulls the towel across his face and stomach, finishing off by wiping the back of his neck with it. He then tosses it back in your face, and you catch the smallest breath of his scent filling your nostrils. “You can keep that, all yours,” he jokes as you pull it off your face, responding to him with a look of annoyance. 

“You asshole,” you laugh, tucking the towel under your arm as you follow them all backstage. He turns around, yanking the towel back out from your grasp. You watch as he takes two ends and twists them up, wrapping the damp towel in a tight coil. Oh god, he’s not gonna…

You stop, lifting your leg and outstretching your arms in defense of your body. You just know he is about to snap it at you. “Jake, no, please don’t!” you squeal, backing away. 

“Don’t worry, ‘m not gonna get you, unless you’re into that kinda thing…” 

Son of a bitch, he said that fairly loudly, as you’re surrounded by his brothers, their girlfriends, the crew, your co-workers… fuck.

Your eyes widen as big as they will go as he laughs, continuing to make his way down the hall. You pick up steps again, following him in a flustered mess of confusion. “I’m gonna get Daniel, watch…”

You burst into the greenroom right behind him, the towel still tightly wound and held in his right hand. He makes his way straight for Danny, twirling the towel in the air as he approaches him. 

“No, Jake! No!” Danny yells, running away and launching himself onto the couch, but not before you hear a perfectly loud snap of the towel connecting with Danny’s thigh. Danny yelps out in stinging pain as everyone else laughs, Jake taking his time to roll the towel up into his makeshift whip again. “What the fuck?!” Danny yells, trying his best to hide behind Mia. Everyone is running away from him at this point, worried they will be the next victim. 

Jake makes contact with Danny’s leg again as he squeals. “That’s for not cueing me into Farewell like we practiced, you asshole!” Jake yells at Danny with a giant smile across his face. 

“Leave me alone!” Danny laughs, laying all his weight onto Mia. “I forgot, okay? Fuck!” You can’t help but join in the laughter of everyone filling up the green room, watching their playful display. You feel a sudden strong warmth fill your chest, realizing you get to be a part of this, seeing it all firsthand. 

Jake stops, folding the towel back into a nice neat square as he makes his way back to where you stand, handing the towel to you with both hands. “Anyway, told you you could keep this,” he reiterates as you take it from his hands, giving him another glare of petty aggravation. 

“Wonderful show guys, as always!” Paul claps his hands together. “This venue has an early curfew, so get your showers and shit together, no lollygagging around, alright?” he barks, popping a pretzel into his mouth before dashing back out the door. 

Sam’s the first one out the door to the showers, pulling Lyla behind him. “You guys make the afterparty plans, we’ll do whatever, we don’t care…” he yells over his shoulder as the door slams behind Lyla. 

“It’s balls cold out, I know Ty’s not gonna want to go walking around in this shit. And to be honest, I don’t really want to either,” Josh says, taking a seat on the couch beside Ty. “Am I right?” he asks him.

“Yeah, fuck this cold,” Ty responds. 

You try not to listen in on their conversations as you know they don’t apply to you, but you most definitely are curious to see if Jake decides to partake in their plans. You busy yourself with a giant box of various crackers to fill the time. 

“Let’s just go to the hotel bar. I noticed it’s kinda secluded, not very big,” Josh suggests, earning a nod of agreement from Danny and Jake.

“Sounds good to me, make sure Dean knows,” Jake says as he pulls his drenched jacket off, hanging it on a wire hanger. Shit shit shit don’t look don’t look.

“Sounds like a plan. Hey, Y/N, you gonna join us?” Josh’s voice saying your name pulls you from your daydream of thinking about watching Jake take his jacket off again and again, causing you to perk up.

“What? Sorry…”

He laughs. “When you’re done here tonight, meet us at the hotel bar, yeah?” You watch Jake’s head snap your way out of your peripheral. 

“Yeah, Y/N, join us…” Mia adds, the smallest bit of songlike quality to her voice again, just like earlier.

You push the flyaway hairs away from your face, blowing a puff of air on them as you tuck the cardboard box of crackers back into the plastic tote. “Uh, yeah, sure. If I can get everything cleaned up in time, I’ll be there…” you answer on the fly, feeling as though you can’t turn the offer down. 

Jake stays silent as he picks up his backpack and heads out the door toward the showers, flashing his devious eyes at you before the door shuts behind him. 

—

JAKE POV

You only had to dodge the curious eyes of a few fans as you slipped around the corners of the hotel to the bar, being the last one to arrive, like always. Josh is seated at the bar with his back to you while Danny and Sam are standing at a table off to the side with Mia and Lyla. Thankfully, the bar is empty for the most part, only a couple unsuspecting older folks closing out their tabs. You pull out the heavy mahogany chair to the right of Josh, taking a seat as the bartender approaches you. 

“Hi, uh. Soda water with lime, please?” you ask, and he nods and flits away. “Where’s Ty?” you ask. 

“On his way down in a few minutes. He um, he’s actually walking Y/N down…” he responds, flicking his eyes behind the two of you. 

“Oh,” you respond, surprised. “Is that right?” You fold your arms across the bar top as the bartender sets your drink in front of you. 

“Yeah, he actually stuck behind a little to help her clean up the green room and get everything put away,” Josh explains further. 

You smile as you place your hand on his back. “You’ve got yourself a gentleman, brother. Must say.” Josh grins at your sentiment, pulling his straw between his lips. 

“Most kind hearted person I know,” he says. “Speaking of, seems like you and her are on a little better terms now, since we spoke last,” Josh looks behind you again, making sure you are out of earshot from the other guys. 

You huff through a breath, not sure whether or not you want to go into much detail of reliving one of the most humiliating nights of your life, thus far. But, maybe talking about it will put it in the past where it belongs. “Yeah, you could say that, I suppose. Had to fuckin’ work for it though…” you laugh through your nose. 

“What does that mean?” he asks.

You swallow down a rather large drink of your soda water, running your tongue over your teeth as you contemplate an answer. “Let’s just say we… had a less than eventful night last night, and I… wasn’t able to…” you take a fast breath. “Too many beers, too many phone calls from my tech, too much bullshit from Isla, I just…” you clench your jaw, trying to say it all without really saying it. 

But Josh nearly chokes on his drink. “Ex-fucking-scuse me? Wait, no no no…” he waves his hand in your face as he turns in his seat, running his fingers over his beard. “You seriously couldn’t…”

“That’s right Josh.” You stare straight ahead of you at the mirror behind the top shelf of liquors, finding your defeated reflection staring back at you. You glance at him in the mirror, watching him cover his face with both hands as he silent-laughed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he cries after a few seconds of laughing at your expense. “It’s not funny.”

“No, it’s not funny. It’s humiliating, and a little sad, actually,” you say flatly. “Go ahead, laugh away, get it out of your system.” 

He slaps his palms across the bar top a few times as he catches his breath, trying not to laugh so loud that he causes a scene. “Fuck. Has that ever happened to you? What was…?”

“No, god dammit. It’s never happened. I was sloshed, my phone was ringing incessantly, between Isla’s name popping up on my phone and knowing the crew needed me, I just… she was perfect, man. Beautiful, confident, everything was there, except…” 

“...Except… you,” he finishes your sentence. 

“Yeah,” you respond with a breath. “It worked out for a few minutes, surprisingly, and fuck if it wasn’t…” you held up the A-OK sign with your fingers, popping a ‘p’ sound. “But then everything went to shit.”

“And that’s why you’re having soda water tonight?”

“Eh, yeah. Just feel like if we’re gonna have a chance to have a conversation about it all, I want to be completely present,” you admit. Suddenly you feel the presence of Danny standing behind the two of you, ordering another round for Sam and the girls. You turn your attention to him. “Speaking of… hey asshole, why the fuck are you still buying Durex condoms? You’re a grown man with money, for god’s sake, use the good shit,” you ask Danny quietly. “You’re not 15 anymore.”

For your sake, so far Danny has done a good job of keeping your secret for you after you went running to his room last night in search of protection, just in case. 

“Jake, what the fuck are you talking about?” Danny asks with wide eyes, looking between you and Josh. 

“Don’t worry Daniel, I’m already informed. The youngest of us is not, though, so keep your fuckin’ mouth shut to him, you hear?” Josh defends you. 

“Jesus Christ, Jake. Listen, I don’t want to know what the fuck is going on with you and whoever, I’m not asking any questions,” Danny says as the bartender hands him their beers. He leans in closer, whispering between you and Josh. “But I haven’t used a fucking condom in almost a year. You had me digging in my reserve stash… it’s all I had, ok? Sorry if an XL wasn’t the size you needed…” Danny backs away, laughing with his tongue out.

“OH fuck you!” you howl back. “It was a piece of shit, just do yourself a favor and get the good kind, ok?” you whip your head back around as Danny rejoins the others. 

“Anyway…” you say as you finish off your soda water. “It was a night I want to forget, honestly. But I’m gonna redeem myself. I have to. I can’t leave it like that…”

“Maybe you should turn your phone off the next time you get an opportunity, just in case…” Josh suggests, and you nod in return. 

Just then you see a pair of arms wrapping around Josh’s neck, and you turn to see Ty and Y/N walking up behind you. 

“Hey, guys!” Josh says. “Please join us…” he pulls out the seat next to him for Ty and stands to give Y/N his own seat, before she puts a hand on his arm to stop him. 

“Thanks, Josh, but Paul, Wes and Corri are coming down, too. Dean’s coming, I’m gonna sit with them for a little while. Thank you for walking me down, Ty,” she flashes the three of you a warm smile, and you want to speak to her, but it's almost as if all the air has escaped from your lungs. She looks absolutely stunning, a little fixed up, but not too much. You can tell she looks as tired as you all do from the show, but you’d hardly know it. She has on a tight low-cut t-shirt dress with an oversized denim jacket over top, her hair a mess after being up all day. Her makeup had been re-done, and you’d be lying if you said the way her legs looked in that dress didn’t have you imagining things that were still a blurry memory from last night. 

“I’ll be back later…” she says, making eye contact with you. Again, you’re at a loss for words, so you give her a sweet nod. 

“I really like her,” Ty speaks up, filling the silence that has fallen over the three of you as soon as she’s gone. “You should dump Isla and go out with her, Jake.” The straw you had been chewing falls from your mouth and straight onto the floor. 

“What? What did you say?” you ask him. 

He shrugs one shoulder as he takes the seat next to Josh. “She’s cute. No bullshit, smart, and can obviously handle all the shit you guys have been throwing at her since she got here…”

You look to Josh, who seems just as surprised as you are. 

“I dunno. I mean I like Isla, don’t get me wrong, but. There’s just something off about her, and I don’t know what it is,” he continues, and you feel Josh’s widening eyes find you, telling you he has no idea where this is coming from, either. Ty reaches his hand across Josh to sit on top of yours. He looks you directly in the eye before speaking again, “Jake, I have an excellent read on people. And I’ve never steered you wrong, have I?” he asks. 

You slowly shake your head back and forth.

“That’s right. No. And I’m here to tell you, that girl likes you. A lot. She didn’t even have to say anything to me, and I can tell. She froze up when I mentioned your name earlier. And from all the time you spent on our couch the past couple of months, I know there’s something going on. Just know I’m here to talk about it if you feel like my partner here isn’t hearing you out, okay?”

You swallow hard as you take in Ty's words. He’s right, he's always been an excellent confidant for you, even letting you come to him a couple of times in the past for advice on different subjects. You love Ty just like you love your twin, and you never once have doubted his judge of character. 

Josh nods slowly, agreeing with every harsh word Ty has just delivered to you. Ty pats your hand as he releases it. 

“Take my advice, Jacob. I know Isla isn’t making you happy, and that girl…she just left your talkative ass completely unable to speak.” He smiles hard, turning his attention to the bartender, ordering a round of shots for everyone. You finally have a free second with Josh again.

“Guy knows what he’s talking about…” Josh suggests. “Maybe you should listen to him.”

You bite at your cheek as you nod your head. You know he’s right, of course he’s right. But you also know it’s just a little bit more complicated than that. The bartender slides you a fresh soda water, and as you pinch the lime between your fingers you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. You drop the lime into the bubble water and take a quick drink as you pull your phone from your coat pocket. 

Y/N

11:46PM: Not drinking tonight?

You look over your shoulder knowing she is watching you, and you catch sight of her sitting at a cocktail table a couple of feet away with Wes and Corrine. Her eyes are locked on yours, a skinny straw between her teeth. You send her a playful smirk as you turn back to your phone, replying to her message. 

You

11:47PM: Not tonight, I have other plans…

You look at her as you pocket your phone, watching her face twist into a mischievous smile as she turns to look at you. You shrug your shoulders and grin before turning back to continue listening to Josh and Ty. You can feel her eyes on you and you have to admit it feels good. You feel like things might actually be okay between the two of you if you can continue to play your cards right.

“So do you wanna hit up that one place with the crazy wine list when we get to France? It was in Paris Metro, right?” Josh asks, tapping your arm with his hand. 

You know the exact place he is talking about, but right now your mind is somewhere else completely. “Oh, yeah yeah, it is. It was close to that tiny ass venue, remind me and I’ll look it up tomorrow on the flight.”

“Anywhere else you want to go? I think we have a day or two off while we’re there,” he asks, still trying to grab your full attention. 

“Um, maybe I’ll stop in to that rarity shop, see if they have anything interesting this time around,” you answer, doing your best to focus. 

“Oh shit, yeah, that’s where you got that crazy old guitar, right? From like the early 1900’s or whatever?”

“Yeah, exactly. Had to completely unstring the fucker to get it home without it snapping in two,” you laugh, remembering the hassle. 

“Any…other plans while in the city of love?” he croons, bumping shoulders with Ty. 

You look over your shoulder to check your surroundings before answering. You place your hand roughly on his shoulder and shake him a bit, “I guess that will depend on tonight, now won’t it?”

The two of you laugh as you notice commotion at the end of the bar. You turn yourself to look, only to find Lyla walking towards you with her phone to her ear.

“Jake?” she says, stepping up to you in a huff. She pulls the phone away from her ear and holds it out to you. “It’s Isla, she said you aren’t answering your phone, and I know I just saw you on it?”

Fucking hell Isla. 

You know you have to take the call, because if you do it now, there’s no chance of it happening later. You snatch the phone from her hand, holding it to your ear and exhaling an aggravated breath. “Hey, what’s up?”

“What’s up? I don’t know, Jake. You tell me what’s up! You aren’t answering any of my texts, you turned off your location days ago, you said you’d call me and you haven’t! Tell me what is going on!” she shouts into the phone. 

“Nothing is going on, Isla! I am at work, working, on tour. You know the thing that pays the bills? Also, I’m in a different country, a different time zone. But you know what, I know you aren’t stupid. You know all of this, so what’s up? What is so important that you had to call someone else to get ahold of me?”

You see Josh push past Lyla, grabbing you by the shoulders, “Hey I need you to do me a favor,” he says, pushing you backwards. You pull the phone away from your ear to hear him. He stares into your eyes, silently telling you to go with it.

“Oh, I have to go Isla, sorry. Here’s Lyla,” you say, pushing the phone back into Lyla’s hands. 

Lyla is staring you down as Josh finally stops, letting go of your shoulders. “I uh, I need you to go run an errand for me. Well, I need Y/N to go run an errand for me, but I need Dean to stay here to field those girls in the lobby, so I was wondering if you could accompany her?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. 

“What?” you ask, admittedly very confused. 

“Yeah, just walk with me,” he says, walking you over towards the tables. “I need you to go run this errand—” he pauses, looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was close enough to hear him. “Okay, yeah there is no errand.”

You send him yet another completely bewildered look. 

“There’s no errand, just…I don’t know, get out of here before someone asks questions. Go. Take her with you. She already knows and she thinks there is an errand,” he smiles smugly, “You can thank me later.”

For a moment you hesitate, unsure if you should go with his harebrained idea, but you decide to do it, knowing that he really only has your best interest at heart. He pretends to show you something on his phone, and you nod like you understand. You exhale a breath and nod towards him, “Yep, I’ll take care of that for you.”

“Yeah, perfect. Make sure you do a good job,” he quips, the meaning definitely not lost on you. 

You toss your hand towards him as you walk away, locking eyes with Y/N who is waiting near the door. You swallow down your nerves and make your way towards her, ready to make amends. 

“You uh, ready to go?” you ask, playing along with the charade. You pull the door open and allow her to step out first into the dimly lit hallway of the hotel lobby.

“Yeah, I just… Did he tell you what he needed or anything?” she asks, a confused look on her face. You laugh to yourself and purse your lips before answering. 

“Well, he doesn’t need anything. He kinda… bent the truth a bit to give us a chance to leave alone,” you answer honestly. 

A hum leaves her lips, as she stops in place turning to face you, “And how do you know that I want to leave with you?”

There's a playful grin on her face, but there's also a tinge of truth to her tone. You can’t read her, but you give it your best shot.

“Well, I have a pretty good feeling about it, but please enlighten me if I am mistaken,” you answer. 

She rocks back onto the heels of her shoes, turning to continue walking, “I see, are these those ‘other plans’ you were talking about?”

You bite your lips together and turn to look at her, “That remains to be seen, I suppose.”

The two of you start to approach the elevator bank, and you know you need to make your move. She hasn’t said much, or really given you any indication of whether she is into this playful little game or not, so you decide to cut your losses and leave the ball in her court. 

“I’m gonna go up to my room for the night. You can come up and join me for a night cap, or you can head back to your own room. Completely your choice, but if you decide to join me, I’m in room 507,” you finish, stopping just shy of the elevators. You give her a smile and nod your head before continuing to walk to the waiting elevator. 

Your heart is racing as you step inside, wondering if she is going to follow you, or better yet take you up on your offer. You press the button for floor five and watch as the doors close, a rush of nerves spreading through your body. You shake out your hands and pull your phone from your pocket seeing a myriad of missed calls and texts from Isla. You muted her notifications after everything last night, and you know that’s what prompted her call to Lyla. 

You tap your keycard to the door and step inside, the cool air of the AC hitting you like a brick wall. You step over and turn on the heat, needing the room to be at least a few degrees warmer. You take all of your things out of your pockets and deposit them on the nightstand, deciding to take Josh’s advice and power off your phone completely. You toss your jacket onto the small couch, removing the hair tie from your finger and tying your hair up into a knot. You reach for a bottle of water from the mini bar, downing what had to be half of it as you start to pace the room. 

You wonder if maybe she’s texted, or added a song, anything to give you some kind of indication of her answer, but you know that your phone is off and that you’re just going to have to wait this out the old fashioned way. You kick off your boots and push them to the side of your suitcase, digging around inside of it to change clothes, but deciding to wait just a little bit longer, just in case. You unbutton your shirt though, letting it hang open on your body as you step away from your suitcase.

You sit on the edge of the bed, looking at the flashing clock on the nightstand and watching as the numbers flash as they change. Fuck, maybe she really isn’t coming.  

You lay back, completely spread across the fluffy white sheets letting out a sigh of exhaustion. The past two days have drained you. Mentally, physically… You felt like you could sleep for three days straight given the opportunity. You let your eyes flutter closed for just a second, and that's when you heard it. The tiniest knock on the door. Any softer and you wouldn’t have heard it, chalking it up to your brain playing tricks on you. 

You sat up instantly, listening for it again, and sure enough another set of small knocks echoed through the room. 

Holy shit, she came. 

You shoot up from the bed, smoothing out your hair and shaking out your arms. You were nervous, you’d admit that, but you were also bound and determined to make tonight better than the last. You’d thought of nothing else, since. 

—

HER POV

The sound of a little bit of rustling inside the door causes your heart to pick up speed, the sudden clarity of what you’re doing hitting you across the face. Sure, last night you’d been in a similar circumstance, but tonight…things feel different. Your second set of knocks on his door has finally jostled him. 

You hear the door knob turn and Jake opens it, hiding a little bit behind it as he invites you inside. 

“Hey,” he says, his voice raspy. “Didn’t think you were gonna come up.”

You walk inside the room, smelling the remnants of the cologne he spritzed on before he came down to the bar still lingering in the air. “I almost didn’t, but, I think…we need to talk about a few things…” you reply, awkwardly holding your hands together at your stomach as he closes the door behind you. You feel your breath hitch in your throat as you finally catch sight of him, his black button-down undone all the way, and his hair tied back in a low knot at his neck. Jesus Christ, he’s a sight, even when he isn’t even trying. 

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he agrees, patting the half-made bed for you to sit on. “You want a drink?” he asks, motioning to the mini fridge. 

“Ah, no, I’m okay, thank you,” you reply, finally setting your purse down on the bed beside you. Things feel a bit different now as you’re both sober and serious, about to discuss something so inherently embarrassing it was almost too painful to even think about. But it has to be done, suck it up, and get it over with so that you can get on with the night…right?

“Yeah, me neither,” he agrees. You watch as he pulls a pair of sweatpants from his bag. “Care if I go change real quick?” he asks, erring on the side of etiquette for some reason, when last night you both saw more of each other than you’d really planned on. 

“No, go ahead,” you say, and he slips into the bathroom. You take this second to take off your thick denim jacket and hang it on the back of a chair, and also remove your shoes and socks and place them neatly beside the door. You’re left in the comfy tight t-shirt dress, and you try to remind yourself that last night never even happened. It wasn’t real. Be cool. 

You relax back on the pillows a little as you strive to get comfortable on the bed, not wanting to seem too relaxed but also be nonchalant, like this conversation was about to be the simplest thing you’d ever done. You tuck your barren legs up underneath you, leaning on your elbow against the thick white pile of pillows. 

He finally emerges, now clad in a pair of dark gray sweatpants that are hugging his hips, and he’s completely devoid of a shirt at all. Before you can drink him in all the way, he’s sitting on the bed in front of you, crossing his legs and reaching for the remote, muting the TV. 

You sit up to meet him, suddenly surprised at the amount of attention he’s paying you. He takes both of your hands into his, clammy but warm on your skin, and brings them to gather in his lap. 

“Y/N,” he begins, “I don’t want to talk about this just as much as you probably don’t, but… I think I have some explaining to do,” he starts, his voice just a tad bit shaky as you know he is about to bare it all. 

“I feel absolutely terrible about how things ended up last night. That was…not me, at all. I’d had too much to drink, and my phone was being the annoying piece of shit that it is… anyway, I’m not trying to make excuses.” He squeezes your hands and scoots himself a little closer to you, still staring directly into your eyes. “I know we’ve only known each other a few days, but. You’ve got me caught up, and…it’s not something I’m used to, Y/N,” he giggles, making you smirk back. 

“Last night should have had a different outcome completely, and I blame myself for it. You can blame me for it, too. I just want you to know I’m sorry, and you were… fuck, you were beyond perfect—”

You cut him off, “You’re sure it wasn’t anything I’d done?”

“No! No no, you were fucking…flawless, Y/N. My vision may have been a bit blurry but you had it all. You have it all. Absolutely everything. And I feel like such a fucking dick that I didn’t get to…repay you. Give it back to you… you deserved more, and I’m…mortified. Humiliated over it. I wanted to dig a hole and cover myself up and never ever come out of it, honestly. I still do. It’s like the worst thing that can— anyway, you deserve to be treated right, you deserve to be shown the same kind of effort you were showing me last night…” you feel his hand come up to caress your cheek, his thumb brushing across your bottom lip. 

You lean a little into his hand, the feeling of his touch making you flutter with butterflies. “…And I haven’t thought of another goddamn thing since.”

You giggle a little. “Come on now,” you say shyly. “You’re a famous rock star, there’s no way your mind’s been taken up with me all day. I’m probably the lowest on your list of past flings.” You’re honest in your admission of feelings, but you secretly hope it will just fuel him to keep talking. 

“No, think again, Y/N.” His voice suddenly deepens. “That’s absolutely untrue.” His fingertips trickle to the back of your neck. “The way your hips felt in my hands, the way you took over control and put matters into your own hands…fuck. And your mouth…” his thumb is pressing a little harder, now. “Yeah, I haven’t had a clean thought all day, if we’re being honest,” he laughs. You pull one hand away from his grip and place it on his knee, squeezing it just a little as your bodies slowly inch closer and closer in toward one another. 

“I’ve never met another woman that’s captivated me so quickly before,” he continues, his breaths now shorter and chopped as he speaks. “You came in and fucked my whole world up, Y/N… You make me feel things I haven’t felt in years. You make me nervous…” 

Your faces are within inches now as you return his gaze, listening to him talk. Your hand drifts higher on his thigh, gently squeezing at the muscle as it climbs. His hand is still firmly gripping your face, the ends of his fingertips now tickling at your hairline. You can feel the tingles going up and down your spine like flashing lights, each word that escapes from his mouth setting the next one on fire. 

Finally you speak. “Look, Jake, you don’t have to explain anything else to me. I realize that something was off last night, and that isn’t how things probably go for you normally. I’ve felt our chemistry, and there’s something…there, ya know? And honestly there for a few minutes, we actually had things going, and I think we had it figured out. You felt…” you bite your lips together, feeling a little shy. “You felt really fucking good. But I don’t want you to be embarrassed or upset with yourself. We’re adults, and I’m aware that shit happens. Not every time can be perfect. You were still on my mind all day long, today. Been hoping you would text me, something,” you go on, feeling his fingertips grip and release your hair every few seconds.

A sly smile creeps to his lips as you watch his eyes squint. He looks relieved, but there’s also something else. “I hope you know that I’m more than capable of…making you feel good, and I’d really like it if you’d give me a second chance to redeem myself. I wanna prove it to you.”

You can do nothing but nod your head, feeling the magnetism of his pull bringing you forward, both of your chests heaving with want for each other now. You’re absolutely dying to touch him, reach out and feel the electricity radiating from his body, but you stop yourself. You’re going to let him make the first move. 

You exhale onto him, letting the thick, hot air from your lungs dance across his lips as he releases your other hand, letting it come up to cup your other cheek. Your foreheads balance on one another’s, and you can feel the palpable tension building up second by second. 

“Thank you, for hearing me out,” he whispers onto your lips, before gently pressing them onto yours, an almost featherlight peck. You both pull back for a second, taking a final look at one another before you crash into each other’s mouths again, heated, fiery, and wanting. 

Your other hand grips his thigh, and you’re almost unable to stop yourself from pouncing on him, laying him back into the sheets and devouring him, but you hold back. You want to take your time, and you know he wants to do this the right way. 

The kiss deepens, your tongues reaching far to taste every bit that they can. His hands slowly drift from your jawline to your shoulders and finally to your chest, lightly letting his fingertips descend before resting again on your hips. You’re both still sitting cross-legged on the bed, your knees touching each other’s as you each lean in. You want to make the next move, but again, you want to let him steer this ship as much as he wants to. 

So for the moment, you let yourself enjoy his kiss, concentrating and honing in on committing every detail of it to your memory. He’s not forceful, but he doesn’t hold back, either. It’s the perfect mix of control and submission, and you haven’t even moved past the most basic part yet. His hands move again, sneaking under your legs to pull you up onto him, wrapping your legs around his waist as you sit on his lap. 

Your chests are pressed together now, heaving and already breathless. You can feel that he’s excited below you; thankfully things are already going way better than they were last night. You continue to devour one another, touching and feeling and pulling every piece of him that you could, and him doing the same in return. A quick visual pops into your mind- you’d worn a skimpy little red lace thong just in case, and now you’re silently thanking yourself for the choice, knowing that when the time comes, he’s going to go absolutely insane at the sight of you in it. 

You take a second to pull away, grinding yourself down onto him as you trail lovebites down his neck and shoulder, and the sounds that growl from his chest make your nails dig into his skin. He hisses a little bit, but you’re more than positive that he likes the sensation. His hands grip your hips, pulling you down onto him again, making you take complete notice that he wants you just as badly. He leans his neck sideways as your tongue drifts from his collarbone up his jugular, the artery pulsing hard beneath your lips. You bite it lightly before continuing up to his ear, gently taking his ear lobe between your teeth. 

You feel him pull back and laugh a little through his nose, and you’re sure you’ve found a sensitive spot. You grind yourself onto him again, this time pulling a full on groan from him. You leave your mouth hovering over his ear, blowing tiny bits of cold air onto the trail of saliva you’d left behind. 

“I feel you, baby…” you whisper, allowing yourself the satisfaction of using a pet name for the very first time. His body language shifts, all his muscles tightening as you speak. “Wanna feel you more…” you mutter quietly, making his dick twitch between your legs. You could feel your warmth on the bulge of his sweatpants, and you secretly wish he would get on with it.

“You wanna do this…” he whispers back, his voice tight and gravely.

You nod hard, completely positive that you were going to go ahead with this second chance. “Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t…”

Finally, he reaches down to grip your thighs, squeezing his palms over them before gripping the hem of your dress, rolling it up over your hips, your chest, and finally over your head. Your arms fly up to help him remove the dress completely before he lets it fall to the floor beside you. His eyes black out with lust, his jaw falling open at the sight of you only in your bra and panties. He saw you like this last night, of course, but things are different now. Each of you has something to prove.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous…” he says, immediately burying his face between your breasts, rolling his tongue just beneath the thin fabric of your black bra. “Who knew you had all this hiding…” His hands reach up and grip the material, pulling it down to reveal your tits, bouncing and standing at attention for him. His hands waste no time rolling across them, kneading the muscle as your head falls back. His fingers massage your nipples and pull at the skin, sending a jolt of electricity straight to your core. God, you swear you could get off just from this…

He puts his right hand at the center of your sternum, pressing you back gently until you’re laid out on the bed. He scrambles to his knees, finally hovering over you a little. He lets his fingers glide from your chest down your stomach, finally hooking in the hem of your thong. He doesn’t pull it off, though… Instead he runs his fingers along the hem, around your hip, and to your asscheek, using his leverage and grip on the muscle to yank you back down toward him.

Your knee bends on its own from the motion, causing your legs to part a little as your core hits his knee. He bends down, laying sweet kisses to your stomach and hips, causing you to buck up and whine with every tiny little touch. 

“Please Jake…” you think you might go insane if he doesn’t touch you soon, your core absolutely throbbing with want for him. Last night, you felt these same feelings. You felt this pull to him, this need. But after how it all went down, sitting there on your bed staring at the wall was the only reaction that seemed plausible… no post-sex afterglow, no blissful body aches… just an unsatisfied and discouraged feeling of letdown. 

But now, twenty-four hours later, as you feel your body being pulled into him and touched by him again, you want nothing more than to replicate those few minutes of really good sex that you’d been able to achieve last night. Your body was practically begging you to let him have it. 

You hear the air kick on in the room, and though you know it’s the heat, you still feel the blow of the fan forcing air across your nearly nude body. You feel chill bumps cover your entire body as you shudder a little.

“Fuck, got cold in here, didn’t it,” Jake breathes, shivering a little bit himself. “Come on, let’s get under the covers.” You don’t argue with him, feeling a chill diving down deep into your bones. 

You sit up as he stands, pulling the heavy white linens back for you to get under. “Wait,” you say, walking on your knees back toward him. You hook your thumbs into the waistband of his pants, returning to kissing him hard as you pull them and his boxers all the way off. He smiles onto your lips, falling sideways a little as he trips over them around his ankles. His arms wrap around you, pulling you in for a tight embrace as your hands tangle in his hair, gripping into it as you pull him back down onto the bed with you. 

You both slide underneath and cozy up, letting the warmth come over you and calm you back down again. It’s the sight of him, though, crawling into the bed with his eyes trained on you, fully nude with his bottom lip tucked into his teeth that sends you over the edge. Suddenly your chest is heavy and your eyes are glazed with lust, that blinding feeling of carnal need setting into your lower abdomen. You don’t feel this feeling much, but when you do, you know that what you’re about to experience will be nothing short of mind blowing…it’s like the universe knows you need to let go of all human emotion if you’re going to let your body experience the interaction just as it is. 

Suddenly you find yourself flipped up and straddling his legs, pulling the comforter over your head as you descend down his body. “Whoa whoa, where you going?” he smirks, his smile crooked as his hands balance by his head. 

“You can prove the rest to me in a minute. I never got to finish this part last night…” you say, disappearing into the darkness of the covers. You hear his laugh fall out as an exasperated huff, but he knows better than to stop you. You put your fingertips on the insides of his thighs, pushing them away from one another as you lightly tickle your nails up them, stopping short as you take his fully-hard dick in your palm, slowly working it from bottom to top. 

“Thereeeee you are…” you sing in a teasing tone. Fuck yeah, there he is. This is what you felt that night in the bathroom. This is the him that wasn’t out to play last night. 

“Shut the fuck up,” you hear him laugh lowly, gently patting a hand against your cheek. You can’t see him, but you know the exact expression that’s probably on his face right now. 

You squeeze him as you work your hand, gently letting your lips graze his head as you stick your tongue out a little, barely wetting the tip. You taste his saltiness on your tongue, a tell-tale sign that he is absolutely ready for whatever else the night has to bring. You let the flavor sit on your tongue for a second before you take him down completely, knowing that if he has any memory of you doing this last night, it was probably spotty, at best. 

“Fuck, baby…shit…” he says from the head of the bed, his thighs clenching together a little as his hands dip under the blankets to tangle in your hair. You begin to go to work, feeling halfway happy you are hiding away, able to perform without his watchful eye, but also a little sad he isn’t getting to see the show you’re putting on for him. 

Like he can hear your thoughts, he speaks again, “What, you not gonna let me watch you?” He asks with a little demand in his tone, pushing the sheets up over your head to finally make eye contact. You decide to capitalize on it, fluttering your eyelashes as you take him as far as he can go, letting his tip graze the back of your throat. If he wants to watch, you’re going to give him something worth watching. 

His reaction is warranted as you see him lose composure for a second, letting his head tilt back into the pillows as his jaw falls open and he lets out a cry that will be playing in the back of your mind until you fall asleep tonight. His hand tightens in your hair while the other one scoops up what has fallen in front of your face, moving it away from your mouth. His teeth grit hard as his hand pulls your hair, lifting you off and back down onto him just a little bit. 

Your imagination starts to soar; it’s been a while since you’ve had a good romp, and after the letdown of last night and Jake promising to give you a good run tonight, you decide to keep the show rolling. You pop your lips off of him letting him drop your hair, spinning yourself around backwards to straddle him that way. Again, you thank yourself for the everything shower and shave this morning, knowing that now, the thin strip of red lace fabric is the only thing covering you as your ass is fully on display in front of his face. 

Is it an invitation? Kind of…he said he wants to show off for you…right?

“God damn, girl…” he says through another rasp, his hand gripping your asscheek as you take him in your mouth again. You sway your hips side to side, arching your back to give him a full view of you. You feel the slightest tinge of embarrassment at your somewhat bold switch up, but after feeling his reaction and the actual pounding of the blood pumping through his dick, you know it’s all worth it. 

Finally, after a string of curses from his mouth behind you, you feel his fingers slip under the thong, pulling it to the side as his fingers begin to explore you. First soft and gentle, but then switching to more of a rhythm as he feels how soaked you are. You moan onto his dick, letting your stomach fall into his as you lean back into his touch. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet baby, just like last night. Gonna take care of you, I swear it…” he grumbles. His thumb finds your clit after pulling your wetness down to coat it, his digits slipping and sliding as he uses more pressure. 

You whimper loudly without warning, the fire burning in your belly finding you more quickly than you’d anticipated. 

You pop your mouth off of him for a breath, and he takes the second of separation to grab both of your hips, pulling you backward toward him. His tongue swipes once from your clit to your opening before he slides himself underneath you in one quick motion, pulling you down to be completely seated on his face. 

Oh, there we go…

Should you do it? Should you go all in?

You only have a few seconds to toss it over in your mind before his hands are wrapped around your thighs, pulling you down onto him even more. Yeah, he wants you to. His mouth is immediately connected to you, his tongue outstretched and licking over you as your hands balance on his stomach. “Fuuuuccckk…” you whine at a high-pitched tone, letting your head tilt back on your shoulders. 

He’s wasting nothing at all. No time, no contact, no area of you goes untouched by his mouth. You begin swirling your hips, picking up a little every few seconds as you grind onto his tongue. It’s hot, but you still feel the chill of the air in the room, causing you to break out in another rush of goosebumps from the air and the pleasure. You catch a small glimpse of the two of you in the hotel room mirror, the visual more than you can bear as his tongue flicks across your sensitive bud again. 

“Jake…shit…if you keep doing that…” your nails dig into his pecs again as you begin to feel your knees burning, your hips swirling and bouncing as he holds you steadily connected with his mouth. Even when you try to pull off to give him a breather, he pats your thighs with his fingertips, telling you to come back down. 

“Mmmhm…” he agrees, shaking his face against you, the slight prickle of his mustache a blissful roughness on your sensitive spots. “Lemme have it, baby…” he works out, bending one knee up to sturdy himself. You can hear the pants of breath he’s taking as he talks before yanking your body weight right back down onto him again. 

Your vision is beginning to blur as you feel the tightness forming in your stomach, every inch of you on fire as you feel the release building and building. Your movements become chopped and faulty, and just as you’re about to lose all composure, Jake grips the back elastic of your thong, letting the stretchy material snap back against your skin. The tinge of pain sends you toppling over the edge, your entire body shaking and trembling as everything goes white. He continues his work, his tongue still snaking and swirling in the most animalistic way, letting you ride through it until you’re back on earth. 

When you’re finally able to breathe again, you lean forward onto all fours so he can sit up all the way, and instead of crashing back down beside him, all you want to do is give him more. Let him give you more. That was just a preview. Now…you want him. You need to feel him inside of you again. 

You turn in the bed, catching sight of his face covered in your slick…his lips pink and blotchy as he runs his hands across his face. You inch your way back over to him, using your own palm to wipe from his forehead down to his chin, twisting your fingers over his chin to bring his face crashing onto yours again. You let your tongue sink into his mouth, tasting yourself as you kiss him with everything you have. 

Your hands are all over each other as he takes you in one arm, pulling you back underneath the covers with him again. “I can’t fuckin’ wait any longer, Y/N…I need you right the fuck now.” 

You’re lying beneath him now, still riding the high of your overwhelmingly good orgasm, but quickly making your way back up to arousal again with the sight of him so wanting for you. His state is almost pathetic, the look on his face pitiful but commanding as his jaw clenches over and over again. 

Your hands are attached to his sides as he reaches into the floor for his pants from earlier, pulling out a little square package. You notice it’s a different kind than the one he had last night, and you’re thankful he’s switched brands. 

“Hurry, Jake…” you say, your heart pounding in your ears. You watch as he rips the wrapper in half with his teeth, removing the colored condom and spitting the trash onto the floor. He’s sat back on his haunches and you perk up onto your elbows, using one hand to help him slide it over himself, completely hard and ready for you. 

You feel like you could spontaneously combust at any second, the need for him stronger than anything you’ve felt in a long, long time. The way he looks sitting between your parted knees, adoring every inch of you as he swallows down any inhibition or doubt that he’s still holding onto from the embarrassment of last night. 

He takes a second more to place his hands on your knees, letting them drift down between your legs as he connects his two middle fingers to swirl your clit again. Your legs part even further as he kisses you again, finally towering over you completely before removing his hand, grabbing himself and lining up with you. 

“Show me again…” you whisper into his ear, his hair completely falling all over your face. It’s mere seconds before you feel him gently press into you, only an inch or two before retracting his hips, letting out a calming exhale before he presses forward again, this time a little further. The stretch is blowing your mind already, your nails traveling down his back to grip his ass, willing him to fill you to the hilt. 

“Easy, baby…just take it as I give it to you,” he growls in your ear, and his commanding words make you cease your movements altogether, releasing your strong grip on his back. 

“No no…keep doing that, though…fuck, keep doing that…” he begs, touching his forehead to yours. His brows are pinched together, his tongue darting out to lick his lips every few seconds as his eyelids flutter open and closed. You do as he says, digging your nails into him as he thrusts slowly, each time a little further in. 

The sensation is overwhelming, taking away every single one of your senses and directing them toward what he is making you feel right now. The noises you already can’t stop yourself from making are bouncing off the walls as you look behind him, watching his hips move the covers as he fills you, over and over until he finally bottoms out. 

“God…fuck, Jake….” You both make pathetic sounds as he pauses there, letting himself feel you wholly. He pulls up, taking a rutted breath as he makes desperate eye contact with you. You grab the back of his neck and pull him into another kiss, eliciting a high pitched wail from him as he starts picking up a pace. 

He breaks away after a second or two, “‘m not gonna go easy on you, baby…let me know if I need to slow down…” his words rip through your chest as if you’d just gotten a shot to the heart. You shake your head side to side. 

“Lemme see it, come on…” you pant, already feeling your muscles doing their best to pull him in as far as your body will let him. 

He picks up the pace now, jutting his hips deeply into you. The feeling is making your head feel cloudy and dense, but the pleasure filling your bloodstream is the only thing keeping you tethered to the here and now. He pauses, sitting up a little to toss your leg over his shoulder, slowing down just a little bit as he hits from a different angle. This one is deeper and titled a little, and you can feel the tip of him grazing your cervix with every push. 

He can tell your facial expression has changed as he slows down again, almost to a complete stop. “What baby, you okay?” he asks. 

“No no, yeah, don’t stop…please…” you motion with your hand for him to continue, the sickening pleasure mixed with the tightening pain, a blissful concoction that is hard to admit you love. But you do. You love it all. 

His pace becomes furious again as he picks up where he left off, your leg draped over his shoulder as he has one hand over your knee, and the other gripping into the muscle of your thigh. He’s squeezing so hard, and his hips are pounding at such a forceful pace that you’re sure he is leaving bruises, but they’ll be bruises that you accept without argument, admiring them as you look in the mirror tomorrow. 

He’s everything, right now…his eyes delving deep into yours as you drink him in, letting your sounds let him know how good he’s making you feel. How perfect you fit, how much better this is going than it did last night…

Suddenly he pulls all the way out of you, lifting your body to flip onto your stomach. His hands are under your hips, pulling them back again just the same as he had done earlier, but this time he hops to the floor, pulling you back again to meet him on the edge. “Hold on, baby,” he instructs, and you do, gripping the sheets tightly in your fists as you feel him enter you from behind, this time. 

The height couldn’t be more perfect as this new position makes you drop your face to the mattress, fully surrendering yourself to him. You haven’t felt anything like him before, each and every move he makes is making your nerve endings burn with fire. 

He lays a harsh smack to your ass, and you grunt in rebuttal, letting the delicious pain surge through your muscle. His pace quickens again, and his hand is on the back of your neck, pinning his fingers to either side of your throat from behind. “Fuck yes…” you breathe out, your eyes beginning to fill with clouds. 

You hear the smack of his lips, knowing that he’d just wet his finger, and suddenly his other hand quickly finds your clit again, swirling tiny circles on it and sending you into a whole new wave of satisfaction. Your cries push out with every thrust, and you feel like you’re on the verge of tears. It’s all overwhelming and encompasses your every thought, the sounds of your bodies hitting together making it all even more devious when you close your eyes, imagining the scene. 

He continues this way for a minute or so, the sounds of your bodies smacking together building up your second orgasm on their own. 

Then, he’s pulling your torso up, your back meeting his chest as he slows the pace of his thrusts, but never letting up on the swirl of his fingers. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N…so perfect…” his words are calm now as he begins kissing your neck, still pumping in and out of you. His arm wraps around your front, pulling you back into him so you don’t collapse forward. He can tell you’re close. 

“Jake…I’m almost…” you breathe, and you feel his dick twitch inside you. 

“Me too, baby. Keep squeezing me just like that…” he asks as a whisper in your ear, his mouth still connected to your neck, his other hand gripping your tit. 

With a particularly pointed flick to your clit, and a deep thrust, your entire world is crumbling beneath you, your body falling to pieces as you let it all go. His fingers squeeze your nipple hard, sending that sensation into overdrive. He isn’t far behind as his grip tightens all over you, his pace now rutted and messy as you hear him groaning in your ear. The entire world goes quiet for a minute as you hit the peak of your highs together, rendering both of you speechless as you hold your breath. 

“Motherfucker…” he says as he finally comes back down, releasing you to fall forward onto the bed. All of your muscles are limp and lifeless as he collapses beside you, both of you too sweaty now to care about cuddling back up together. 

“Yeah, mother fucker,” you laugh, pulling away a few strands of hair from his sweaty forehead and cheek. “That’s was…you were…” you open your mouth to find the words, but they simply don’t come. 

He props up on his elbows, kissing a sweet peck onto your shoulder. “I don’t know what you were going to say, but I agree…” he chuckles. “You’re near goddamn perfect, Y/N.”

“Near?! What do you mean, near?!” you joke, shoving his mouth off of your shoulder. 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Fuckin’ amazing, is what I meant. Flawless in every single way,” he says, his cheeks turning the sweetest shade of crimson. 

You take turns in the bathroom cleaning up, and you can’t wipe the smile that’s permanently plastered to your face. He’d done it all, he’d proven himself to you, in the most mind-blowing way you could have dreamt up. You don’t want to admit it, but you can see yourself getting caught up by Jake just as he admitted he is caught up by you. And after sex like that, well…

You begin to pick up your things from the floor and redress just as he is coming out of the bathroom. “No no, where are you going?” he asks, his tone a little let down. 

“I’m…going back to my room…” you say, caught off guard. 

“No. Stay here, please? After that I– I don’t know, I don’t want you to go,” he says. “Please stay.”

You laugh, tossing your shoes back into the corner. “You sure? You won’t like, get in trouble or anything?”

He scoffs. “The fuck would I get in trouble for?”

“I’m your employee, Jake…” you remind him. 

His face contorts up. “I don’t like how that sounds, remember.” He reaches into his bag and pulls out a large white t-shirt, tossing it your way. You pull it over your head as he flips the light off, pulling the disheveled sheets back again for you both to climb into. You have to admit, you’re glad he asked you to stay, as you’re not sure if your tired muscles would have liked walking down the long hall to the elevator. 

He pulls you in to spoon him, turning on the TV to the guide channel. His body feels perfectly aligned with yours as his hand rests on the outside of your thigh, the other propping his head up above yours. 

“You’re a woman that I’ve taken a keen interest in, and am enjoying pursuing, and well, occasionally sleeping with every now and then. Who sometimes goes on errands for us,” he says in retaliation, making you giggle. 

“…and your company also signs my paychecks,” you retort. 

He hisses in a quick breath. “Ehhhh yeah, I guess you’re right. But just, I don’t like how it sounds. So quit saying it like that.” He leans down and presses a wet kiss to your cheek, sealing in his words. 

“Okay, okay,” you agree. 

After a few minutes, he speaks again through a yawn. “So, did I prove myself? Was my attempt at redemption enough to make you forget last night ever even happened?” he asks. 

You close your eyes as you press your ass into his groin again, making him hop back a little in surprise. “Jake, I told myself last night never even happened as soon as you left my room,” you admit, and you are telling the truth. “I knew there was no way…”

You hear him huff a tiny laugh, “You had some faith in me, baby?”

Your blood runs a little hotter every time he calls you baby, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t completely enamor you. 

You twist your body beneath his hand to lay on your back. You fluff the pillow beneath your head, feeling his free hand move to assist you in finding the perfect position. His right hand doesn’t leave your body though, sliding just under the hem of your shirt to rest on your bare stomach. “Maybe just a little.”

JAKE POV

Her skin is warm beneath your hand, her body still cooling down after the activities of the last hour. It was perfect. Every single thing you ever wanted it to be and even a little more. She is perfect. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest when you saw her grabbing her things, there was no way you could let her leave this room thinking that this was just sex. I mean, yeah maybe that was your intention tonight, but there was something else. You know that the sex wouldn’t have been what it was if there wasn’t something more lying beneath the surface. You wanted her to stay here with you. You wanted to hold her and be with her and enjoy the afterglow.

Even in the dark room you can’t take your eyes off of her. The way the TV is flashing blue light across her face she almost looks angelic. You let your fingers trace tiny circles into her skin as you look at her, completely enamored with every single detail of her. You reach for the remote flipping through the channels looking for anything you could mindlessly fall asleep to. 

“Should I pick something and show you what a good movie looks like?” you tease, tickling your fingers into her stomach. 

“I know what good movies are, thank you very much,” she quips, turning her head to look at you. Her eyes are shiny as they look into yours, lingering for just a second before flicking back to the TV. 

Her hand reaches up to cradle your jaw, your face falling into her touch on its own accord. 

“Hey…” she whispers, waiting for you to look at her. “Tell me why you were so in your head yesterday.”

Fuck. Do you tell her? Do you tell her the real reason? Do you risk ruining this moment with the truth?

“Ahh…It was a lot of things. Tour, traveling, the drinking, obviously. Also just a lot of pressure to do this and do that…or, don’t do this, and don’t do that. It’s hard sometimes, living this lifestyle. It’s incredibly isolating, and after a while you almost start to lose touch with what’s real,” you answer, skirting around the real reason. 

She rolls to face you, not letting her hand leave your jaw as she presses a soft, delicate kiss to your lips. You feel your whole body relax into her, feeling a peace come over you that you haven’t felt in a long time. A kiss that told you she understands. 

“I’m here, and this is real and you don’t have to feel isolated anymore, if you don’t want to,” she breathes. 

You kiss her again, pulling her into you just a little closer. “I don’t want to.”

“Good,” she whispers, her lips brushing yours. 

She drops her hand and nuzzles her face into your neck, a soft sigh falling from her lips. You know she’s tired, because you’re tired. You let your own head fall back onto the pillows, your arm wrapped around her shoulders as she snuggles into your side. You can’t help but let Josh’s words from yesterday float through your mind. You wonder if what you are doing is wrong, if you should make sure Isla knows you two are done before pursuing Y/N any further. Though, it’s a little too late for that.

You push it away as you feel Y/N drifting off to sleep on your chest, but now your mind is racing and you need to quiet it. You reach over, grabbing your phone from the nightstand and powering it back on. You’re immediately met with about ten missed calls and too many texts to count. You quickly open them, clearing out the notifications but paying no mind to what they say. Instead you open your shared playlist, the perfect song coming to mind. 

You sneakily add ‘Are You Satisfied?’ by Reignwolf to the playlist, knowing she will get a laugh out of that when she sees it. You turn your face to her head, letting your lips brush the crown of her head as you breathe her in. The feeling of her next to you and her deep rhythmic breathing is starting to slow your busy mind. You lock your phone and place it back on the nightstand, turning off the TV and letting your eyes close. You replay the night in your head, every perfect second of it, praying that it will make an appearance in your dreams tonight. 

—

You aren’t sure what woke you, maybe the heat of the room, or the slamming of the door in the hallway. Your eyes pop open, scratchy and dry as they adjust to the darkness of the room. You immediately feel Y/N next to you, no longer on your chest but her legs still tangled with yours. Your heart swells at the vision of her curled up in the bed next to you. 

You reach out for your phone, tapping the screen to see what time it is. 4:46AM.

You see that a new song has been added to your shared playlist, and you smile knowing that Y/N must have woken up sometime during the night and saw your addition. You tap the notification and bring up the playlist to see what she added, letting a small laugh leave your lips as it loads. ‘Whatta Man’ by Salt-n-Pepa was added two hours ago. She’s so fucking cute you could hardly stand it. You had half a mind to wake her up and show her all over again just how much you wanted her. 

However, when you close out of the playlist a new round of missed calls graces your screen, along with a seemingly endless string of texts from Isla. You let out a sigh as you tap the message icon to see what she could possibly need this badly. 

Opening the messages you see a link to Danny’s close friends story sent at nearly one in the morning. You furrow your brow and tap on the video, seeing Sam and Lyla taking tequila shots together, but of course in the background of the video just barely noticeable, is you leaving the bar with Y/N. 

Goddamnit Daniel. 

Isla

1:12AM: Who the fuck that girl Jake?

Isla

1:25AM: She’s cute, nice!

Isla

1:30AM: Is this why you’ve been so “busy” all the sudden?

Isla

1:41AM: Does she even know about us or is she just some whore you found while you’re there

Isla

1:52AM: Nevermind! It was almost too easy to find her profile, this her? Y/N?  

Isla

1:55AM: Oh my god, she works for you… 

Isla

1:56AM: Management is gonna love this. ❤️

Isla

1:58AM: How about you just call me tomorrow

Mother fucker. Motherfucker. 

You debate getting out of bed to call her right now. You know how she is and you know what she is capable of, and you’d be goddamned if that woman was going to ruin this for you. You start to type, the fury boiling in your veins as your thumbs swipe across the keyboard, but suddenly you feel Y/N stirring next to you and it’s as if all the rage you were holding in disappeared. She rolls towards you, her hand coming to rest on your arm as she snuggles her head down into the pillow. You felt yourself relax under her touch, and instantly the message on your screen didn’t seem to matter. You deleted everything you typed and closed out of it, placing your phone back on the nightstand. 

You looked at her, sleeping so peacefully next to you and decided that all of that could wait. You knew that it would only be a matter of time before Isla made her move, and when she did she would strike to kill. You grabbed Y/N’s hand and pulled her into you, feeling her fit so perfectly, so naturally into your arms that it made you weak. 

You knew there was a chance that this night, this one night, may be all you get with her, and you were going to enjoy every single last second of it, knowing that morning would come, and with it a likely very nasty conversation between you and Isla. But more than that, it brought the promise that Y/N’s face would be the first thing you would see, and that alone had you closing your eyes ready to face another day.

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[gretavanmoon]

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The Ripe and The Ruin (Chapter 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader, OC x Reader

Word Count: 19.8k

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Smoking, Angst, Anxiety, Embarrassment, Lying, Sexual Themes, Kissing, Oral M! Receiving, Protected Sex.

Find the Playlist Here: Apple Music | Spotify

A new series in collaboration with my talented co-writer @gretavanmoon.

"Like all good fruit, the balance of life is in the ripe and ruin."

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

HER POV

The heat of your breath is fogging up the windows of the van as you drift in and out of a dazy snooze. The morning has already been long, with a wake-up time of 3:30AM to be on the van to the airport by 4:00AM. The flight to Amsterdam from Hamburg was short, only a little over an hour long, thank goodness. However, now all you can think about is getting checked into your hotel room and crashing back out for a couple of hours before you have to wake up again. 

Paul, Wes, and Corri are occupying the seats toward the front of the van, and you’re thankful you can let your head rest on the window in peace. Your AirPods are stuck in your ears with the volume just loud enough that you could hear if one of them spoke to you, but still enough to fully enjoy the music floating through your ears. You don’t even dare listen to the playlist Jake made for you, it almost puts a sour taste in your mouth just looking at it, especially after what happened last night. 

Of course Josh caught you. Of course it had to be him. But what is really still throwing you for a loop is why Josh felt he had to keep the encounter such a secret, locking his lips and doing away with the key. 

Jake hadn’t said anything about your last addition of ‘High and Dry’, but you chalked it up to him just wanting to diffuse the situation after you left the bar, alone. You thought he might walk you back, given the situation you’d found yourself in just two nights prior, but he didn’t. He stayed, and let you go. And thankfully you’d made it back safely by yourself. 

The more you think about it, the more you realize Jake had plenty of time to text a quick ‘Sorry about that’ or ‘We’ll talk tomorrow, goodnight…’ but he didn’t. Again. Just left you….high and dry. And what made it even worse was that as you were trying to fall asleep in your hotel room last night, you heard the faint sound of the song playing out in the hallway. Jake was coming back to his room, listening to the song you added for him as he meandered closer and closer. But instead of a knock on your door, all you heard was the latch of his closing. 

You find yourself feeling a little pissed off, because the moment you shared in the dark bathroom really felt like something. It was…very fucking hot, if you’re being honest. He felt good. He felt strong, and sturdy, but also gentle and delicate when he needed to be. You can almost still feel how he felt between your legs, pressed up against you as you sat on the edge of the sink. His hands on your back, mouth on your neck, fingertips digging into your thighs….

“Y/N! Let’s get out of here!” You hear Corri’s brash voice wake you from your rated-R daydream, and you have to blink a few times to get the image of Jake all over you out of your head. You stretch a little and pull the music from your ears as the cab light comes on, and the four of you exit the van. You check into your far too luxurious hotel room, and crash onto the bed without even bothering to change your clothes. 

—

Your alarm startles you two hours later, and surprisingly the cat nap has you feeling extremely refreshed. You jump from the bed and pull the curtains on the window, showing you the scene of a cloudy Amsterdam from your fourth-story room. You can feel the cold air moving through the window, and you know it’s going to be another bitterly chilly day. 

After a quick rinse-shower, you sit back on the bed to check your phone and emails and see you have a text from an unknown number from just ten minutes ago.

Unknown

9:02AM: Hey! We’re going to go see the city and walk around a little, you want to go?

You deduce that it is probably Mia or Lyla, and you contemplate on whether or not you want to even move from your bed today. But after a little thought, and another glance to the sun barely peeking through the clouds, you decide, why the hell not. You don’t want to see Jake, really, but the regret you’d feel for not seeing Amsterdam while you’re here would probably be worse. You send up a quick prayer that Josh will keep your secret today, and not make things any more awkward than they already are. 

You

9:04AM: Hey, sure! I’d love to 😊

Unknown

9:05AM: Cool! We’re leaving in an hour, we’ll meet up in the lobby. Dress warm!

9:05AM: This is Lyla, btw

You

9:06AM: Sounds great, see you in a bit

You lock your phone and stand up to finish getting dressed, adding on a few more layers to your already warm attire. Your stomach churns with nerves, but you’re excited to see the city and maybe get to know the girls a little better. Plus, Ruth is begging you for photos. 

Speaking of Ruth…

You grab your phone and pull it from the charging cord, bringing up her contact for a FaceTime call. It rings out, and you press your eyeball directly to the front camera lens.

“Shit, what the hell, cyclops!” She yells as you pull away snickering. 

“Why is it so dark in your room?” you ask, realizing you hadn’t even thought about the time difference. 

“Because it’s two o’clock in the fuckin’ morning here, dimwit! I answered because you scared me. Are you okay?” she spouts off with her voice cracking from sleep. 

“Shit, I’m sorry. Yes, I’m fine,” you laugh a little as she rubs her eyes in the light of her phone screen. “I’m in Amsterdam, thought I’d give you a rundown but, you need to go back to sleep,” you say. 

“Ugh, if I didn’t have to wake up in three hours for work I would disagree with you. Yeah, just text me. Actually no, that will take too long. Send voice memos. Or a video or something.”

You take a quick breath. “I have a lot to tell you, Ruthie.”

“Fuck, seriously? Damn it, just…send something I don’t care. I gotta know. Is it bad news? It’s good news, right?” she goes on.

You roll your eyes a bit as you place your fingers over your mouth. “It’s…a lot. Good and, well not the best. Go back to sleep. I love you.”

“Kay nighty night.” Her last words were said with her eyes closed, and you know for a fact she’s already drifted back off into her slumber. 

You plop onto your bed and scroll social media for a few minutes as you try to kill time, feeling your stomach start to growl and grumble against the mattress below you. 

Maybe you should you add a song? 

No… You’d be seeing Jake in the next little bit, and you were the last one to make contact. This is up to him, if he even wants to. You stand and grab up your long, heavy coat, making sure you have everything you need for the day before taking off to the lobby to grab a quick breakfast and wait on everyone else. 

—

JAKE POV

The music swirling through the steamy air comes to a close as you spin the handle on the shower faucet, the water slowly trickling to a stop. The song she sent last night has been stuck in your head since you hung up with Isla, and you have let it be the soundtrack to your life in the hours since. You spent nearly the entire shower thinking about Y/N, listening along to the track and letting it seep into your bones. You thought about her, and only her for the past few days now. How you left her last night, and how you have yet to speak to her since. Even the plane ride this morning was spent in silence. You knew you needed to answer her song, say something to explain yourself. You were going to, you just had to figure it out, and now that you had time to sit down and think about it, uninterrupted, you would. 

Get out, dry off, get dressed and answer her. You had a plan, and you were sticking to it. 

You step out of the large walk in shower, wrapping the fluffy white towel around your waist. You take a second to look at your surroundings, remembering how only a few years ago you were all bringing towels from home, feeling lucky enough to shower in a rundown Motel 6 bathroom in the middle of nowhere. Your life had changed drastically in a matter of years, and it wasn’t long into that success when you first met Isla. 

She was a vision of auburn hair as she swept through the bar that night, so light and so carefree. You could see why Lyla and Sam had befriended her, her personality very much the same as theirs. It wasn’t long after that night that the two of you started seeing each other, things quickly becoming serious. A year later she moved into your house. It was like she was always there, making the space her own and sharing her days with you. She was with you as the band really started to make moves, never once complaining about the late nights or the long stretches of tour, that is, until she did. 

Things started to change last summer. The once light and vibrant girl you fell in love with had become catty and accusatory, her light burning out and her desire to be something other than your girlfriend dwindling away to nothing. It became her, consumed her, and suddenly you became an accessory instead of a partner. Nothing seemed to satisfy her anymore, and the time you could give her was never enough. She reminded you of that, often, as if there was anything you could do to change it. You fought like cats and dogs on any given day, each argument always ending in a band-aid resolution that never got you anywhere. 

There were the big ones, the ones that would have you on the couch at Josh’s or in the guest room at Sam’s. The ones they didn’t ask about because they knew better, instead opening their homes and lending their liquor cabinet. The ones that you didn’t dare mention, even months after the fact, for fear of starting it all over again. Those fights started to get closer and closer together, until you found yourself almost needing to chip in for your brothers’ mortgage payments.

You knew it was done. You knew it was over, but the problem wasn’t that you couldn’t do it. No, the problem was that every time you would try, it wouldn’t stick. Listening to her tell you that your reasons were never good enough, or that it would be too hard to end things before you left. It was always before you left, and this time was no different. 

Your phone buzzing on the bathroom counter snaps you back to reality, watching as it slowly inches its way closer and closer to the edge. You snatch it up as your hair drips down your back, sliding your finger across the glass as you scoff at the name on the Caller ID.

“Hello, Josh.”

“Oh, so they didn’t invite you either? Assholes…” he grumbles under his breath. 

“Invite me where? Who?” you ask, making your way back into the room.

“Sam and Daniel, and the girls I guess…” he pauses, “Just checked their location to see if they wanted to get brunch and they fucked off into town without us. Not even an invite.” 

“Really?” you ask, pulling your phone away from your ear to check your texts. “Shit, yeah, I didn’t get a text from them either. Though, I did tell them I was gonna catch a few more hours of sleep when we got here. Can’t you just go with Ty?” You groan, knowing you really planned to stay in your room all day and binge watch Criminal Minds.

“No. He went for a massage a little while ago, so now you have to go with me,” he says matter of factly. 

“Do I? I don’t think I do, actually.”

“No, you do, it’s in the rule book,” he answers, an air of playfulness in his voice. 

“The rule book…Don’t think I got one of those,” you joke, pulling on a pair of boxers. 

“Yeah, they give it to the head twin, you know, the first one out,” he laughs. “I’m in charge, the book says so, and I say brunch with a Mimosa. If you’re good I’ll even get you a Bloody Mary, my treat. Meet me downstairs in like fifteen,” he says, ending the call before you even have a chance to decline. Fucker, he knew you too well. 

You quickly dress yourself, checking your phone no less than five times just to see if maybe she had said something, but still there is silence. Your plan has officially gone to shit, no surprise there. You promised yourself you’d do it when you got back. No excuses. You huff out a sigh as you spray your cologne, grabbing your wallet and your phone and shoving them into your coat pocket. You make your way downstairs to meet Josh, finding him lounging in a wingback chair nearly double his size. 

“Let’s go before I change my mind,” you offer, watching him spring out of the chair, his white Nike’s scuffing loudly against the marble tiles. 

“Did you text Dean?” you ask, pushing open the glass doors. 

“Yeah, the place I want to go is just a block away, said to call him if we need him but keep our wits about us. Told him I would, but can’t speak for you since you don’t have any.”

You stop walking and start to turn around, definitely not in the headspace for his antics today. He stops too, and you feel him grab your arm and sling you back in the right direction. 

“Alright, alright, sheesh, no games today, got it,” he says, feigning guilt. 

You walk in silence the rest of the way, ducking into a little cafe with a heated patio. You felt like you hadn’t seen the sun in days and both of you quickly agree that the patio might be your only chance. 

Your eyes scan the menu, looking for any words that seem familiar to you. You’re about half way through it when Josh pulls your menu down and looks you in the eye. You know what he wants, and you know you have to tell him, but you need a drink first, at the very minimum. 

Saved by the bell your waiter comes to your table, taking your drink orders and rushing off before you could blink. 

As expected the grilling starts, and much to your dismay you are alone on the patio with no chance of anyone hearing the two of you bicker.

“Alright Jake, I let you sleep on it. Time to talk,” he starts, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You rub your hand over your face, truly not knowing where to begin. You let out a sigh, and he seems to pick up on your inner turmoil. 

“Start wherever, but I would probably choose the beginning.”

You move your fingers to your lips, looking at him with challenging eyes “What is it exactly that you want to know, Josh? I mean–”

“Cut the shit, Jake. What is going on? I want everything, top to bottom, now,” he snaps, aggression present in his tone. 

“You’re mad for no fuckin’ reason, Josh!”

“No, I’m mad for great reason, Jake! You’re out here fucking around with our runner, two days into the tour mind you, while your girlfriend is back in Nashville living in your home!” he seethes, his fists clenched tightly on top of the white tablecloth. 

Your blood is boiling as he finishes his tirade. “Knock it the fuck off, you know damn good and well she is not my girlfriend anymore!”

“Do I? Do I, Jake? Last I heard, you were ‘easing off for a little bit’...” he replies, gesturing air quotes.

“Do you honestly think that I would have been living in your house for the last month if we were ‘just ‘easing off’? You retort, gesturing the same air quotes. 

Josh sits back in his chair a little, his aggression backing off just a little bit, enough for you to keep talking. “Explain.”

You blow out a breath of frustration, “She doesn’t get it, Josh. I can’t seem to get it through her head.”

“What?”

You bite your lips together before you answer, “I have tried to end things no less than five times in the last few months. There’s always some reason… Always something that…Fuck, I don’t know. It just never sticks. She won’t hear it,” you pause, “I was serious this time though, Josh. I told her point blank, I do not want to be together anymore. It was like I was speaking fucking Latin, she refused to hear me. We were up the entire night arguing, man. It’s… It’s just so done, and I’m the only one who can see it apparently.”

“So if she won’t accept it, you’re still technically together, though? She’s still in the house?” he asks, rubbing his fingers over his beard. 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess? But also, No? The only way I could get the fuck out of that house in time to make it on the plane, was by agreeing to a ‘break’. But it’s not a break. I’m done, she knows I’m done. Told her she could still live in the house for a bit until she found her own place, but I told her, point blank, we needed to separate. No contact. You can see how that is going for her.”

“Does she know that you are…you know, seeing other people?” he asks, a bit of hesitancy in his voice. 

“Am I supposed to care? We aren’t together!” you argue. 

“But you kind of are Jacob!” he spits, “Look, I’m not trying to like, take her side here or whatever, but if she is under the impression you two are only on a break, I highly doubt she would be okay with you seeing other people. You’ll be labeled a cheater and god knows what else if she catches wind.”

“This is the messiest shit I have ever been a part of. I swear to god…” you groan, rubbing your hand over your face. “I seriously never thought I would find myself going through something like this.”

His brows pinch together in confusion, “So why didn’t you just say straight up, I want to separate, please move out of my home?”

“I mean, I kind of did, I think. It’s so much more complicated when you’ve been together as long as we have. We’ve had the exact same argument hundreds of times, that’s no exaggeration. She lives with me, man… I can’t just expect her to move out overnight, ya know? Which is why I agreed to the break. To give her time to…Get her shit together, I guess. But she knows I’m out. She has to know.”

“But she is still calling and texting you daily?” he asks. 

“All fucking day everyday. I never reply, and she still continues. As if– as if nothing ever happened. Like I said, she is just not getting it,” you explain. “Every time I would come stay at your place, she would just… come up with some reason, or some excuse to get me to come home for a few nights. We would just bandaid the problem, until it just exploded again and I’d end up back at your house or at Sam’s. But I had to be careful at Sam’s because Lyla is her best fuckin’ friend. You’d think she would have caught the drift after so many nights of me crashing there that things weren’t good. I don’t know, I hate this shit, I have suffered long enough. I want out. And I fear that when we get home, I might have to take more drastic measures. And I don’t want that shit, either.”

“So things are a lot worse than you initially led on…” he states, shaking his head as he sips from his glass. 

“Yeah, I guess so. Shit’s embarrassing, man. It’s rocky as hell and I don’t know what to do. I obviously still care for her as a person, but I just can’t do this with her anymore. I thought this time and space away from each other would help me get my head right and find a way to sort this shit out, but it seems like it’s only gotten worse and even more complicated since even a month ago, before we ever even left,” you continue. 

“And now there’s Y/N…” he grimaces, truly starting to understand your predicament. “I mean, it’s really only been, what, two days?”

You let out a sigh and shake your head, “Yeah, yeah. But I can honestly say that I have felt more in the last two days for Y/N than I have felt for Isla in the last year.”

“Do you think maybe… She’s…just a distraction from your real feelings? Like a space filler type of thing while you figure out shit with Isla?” he asks, broaching the subject very gently. “To be fair, I don’t blame you at all, she’s really gorgeous and a lovely girl from the little I’ve talked to her.”

“I know it looks that way, trust me. I do. But, no… It’s something else. I know it's only been two days, but there is something there, and I have to explore it,” you admit. “Like I said, I feel things I haven’t felt in so long. Not just physical things, either. And yeah, I know she works for us, and shit, but I– It was about two minutes into that plane ride that I knew it didn’t matter. I had to get to know her.”

“Answer me this, do you still love Isla?” he asks, leaning his elbows onto the table as he gives you that horribly painful twin stare that you both can only give to one another. The kind that pulls the truth from you no matter how badly you might not want to admit it. 

“I mean, I love her as a person, but no, I haven’t been in love with her in some time,” you confess. 

“In your mind is there any chance of reconciliation?” 

Your mind flashes through a hundred scenes of screaming fights, thrown objects, tears and accusations, “No. Not anymore,” you pause, rubbing your lips. “A week ago if you asked me that, I might have said maybe. It would be so easy to fall back into the good routine we had, everything would be good again for a little while at least, but it would change and we would be back to where we are now. Endless fuckin’ cycle. I can’t do that my whole life, Josh. I don’t deserve that. I was so excited about this leg of tour, just because she wasn’t coming. I could be alone and not go to bed mad and arguing every night. Do you know how fucked that is? That is not how I should feel about the person I am supposedly in love with. I should want her here, and I just don’t.”

He nods his head in agreement, sucking his teeth with a hiss. 

“Two days with Y/N has proven to me just how unhappy I am in that relationship with Isla. How much I’m just…not in love with her anymore. It only confirms my decision,” you admit. 

“So she’s calling and stuff to try and keep you strung along… So that you’ll come home and pick right back up on this nasty cycle the two of you are in…” he questions. 

“Basically. Which is why I refuse to engage with it. She can text all she wants, I’m not answering her,” you snap. “Things aren’t black and white for her, they are very gray and for me they are stark white. I don’t know how to make it more clear.”

He drops his head and looks up at you as he leans on his elbows again, “Look, I’m sorry. I had no idea. I won’t say anything to anyone about last night, or whatever is going on with you and Y/N. I want you to be happy, and I can tell you haven’t been in a long time. I’m just really sorry I was such an ass. I wish you would have talked to me, you know, like we used to.”

“I know, I know. It’s my own pride that stopped me. I just, I feel like I'm on the precipice of being happy again, I just have to keep following it, even if it looks really bad from the outside,” you pause, “Also, you guys have to stop picking on her, she is innocent in all of this. She already thinks you guys don’t like her.”

“Oh, that's just not true, we all like her a lot, you have to tell her we don’t mean it,” he laughs, tilting his head to the side as he tosses back the rest of his mimosa. “Wait, does she know about Isla?”

“No, absolutely not,” you answer a little too quickly. 

“Are you… planning on telling her?” 

“Honestly, I haven’t really thought that far ahead, I mean, I know I need to. I wasn’t really planning on Isla blowing my phone up day and night. Guess I should have known better, huh?” you laugh, offering him a small smile. 

“You need to tell her, Jake. Don’t fuck it up before you even get things started,” he offers. 

“Don’t you know that’s my specialty?” you ask, sipping your spicy bloody mary. “I mean, last night is a whole other problem. When you saw us out there I had every intention of leaving that bar with her and taking her back to the hotel. It was all I could think about. But then you were out there with my phone and the shit with Isla. Fuck…I panicked. I just sent her back to the hotel. Left her out to dry like a fucking prick. Haven’t spoken to her since. She probably wants nothing to do with me at this point.”

“No, no I doubt that. She’s probably a little hurt, maybe a little confused, but I think she will come around. I saw the way she was looking at you last night,” he smiles. “But Jake, seriously. You have to tell her about Isla.”

“God, I know it just, why would I even be thinking about Isla when I’m with her? I swear it’s like none of it exists when we are with each other. Everything is easy.”

“Sounds like you found yourself someone special,” he smiles. 

“I think you’re right.”

—

HER POV

The morning had been spent walking up and down the streets of Amsterdam, getting lost and finding your way again over and over as you navigated the map app on Danny’s phone. To your surprise, Jake and Josh hadn’t joined you. Just you, Sam, Danny, Lyla and Mia. It felt a little strange at first, and you felt the fifth-wheel anxiety hit you hard as you trailed behind them, the two couples happy and holding hands as you all explored. But luckily, at the last second, Dean joined you on the excursion, insisting that five of you needed an escort. 

You’d taken the time to speak to Dean and get to know him a little; he’s a big burly man with cheeks that stay red and a beard and mustache that hide his mouth. He’s middle aged, and a man of few words, but you were determined to break through his exterior just a little bit, seeing as how he is one of your coworkers. 

Now, as you all are heading back to the hotel with your arms full of various shopping bags and leftover food cart goodies, the conversation you’d worked so hard to start up with Dean is flowing freely. The two of you converse about the job, about travel, about where each of you are from and how you got hooked up with these crazy four. He’s fairly easy to talk to, and you find yourself very calm in his presence. 

“I heard about what went down at the restaurant the other night, Ms. Y/N. I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he admits as you watch Lyla and Mia pull the guys into a tiny boutique.

“Oh, no need to apologize,” you respond, a little surprised, “It was no big deal, really. I made a stupid mistake by going out alone that late, I learned my lesson. Just glad Jake was able to come help me out.”

“Still, it’s one of my responsibilities to make sure everyone is safe. Mr. Jacob made it very clear that you’re on that list, too.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and pushes a few buttons before speaking again. “I’m gonna get your number right now, so you never find yourself in a situation like that again.” You nod as you agree, knowing that you should have had his number saved a long time ago. You switch phones with him as you each enter your respective numbers, and he smiles as he locks his, pushing it back into the pocket of his coat. It hits you that Jake must have had a conversation with him.

“We’ve got more security coming, I’m sure you’ve heard. They should be here within the next few days. This is usually a one man job, but… I guess as the band gets more and more popular, these kinds of things just need to naturally grow along with them,” he explains, keeping his head on a swivel as he eyes each of them inside the store. “Turns into a team effort.”

You nod, pushing your windblown hair behind your ear before shoving your freezing hand back in your pocket. “I did hear about that. Bet it brings everyone peace of mind having more hands on deck, especially you,” you offer.

“Mmhm,” he replies, “Most definitely. I’ve met these guys before, think everybody will like them. Real straightforward outfit. I’m their head of security, but with the way this group operates, they’re probably gonna be calling most of the shots, if not all of them.” He sucks his teeth, and you can’t tell if he’s irked or maybe, a little bit relieved to have the help. 

“You gonna be alright with that?” you press, hoping you’re not stepping on his toes. 

He shrugs one shoulder, and you can see his eyes darting around behind his sunglasses. “I’m only one guy, Ms. Y/N.” His response is blunt, so you decide to leave it at that. 

You take a second to browse the boutique, meeting up again with Lyla and Mia and gushing over sweaters and dresses that none of you could ever afford, and for the first time in two days, you’d gone more than half an hour without thinking about Jake. As soon as the memory of him and what happened last night flows back into your brain, you almost double over with a strange anxiety. You pull out your phone again, checking to see if he has texted at all, or added anything to the playlist, but you’re met with nothing. Nothing.

“Let’s go get a drink or something!” Mia finally suggests to the group as you congregate in front of the store on the sidewalk, and everyone agrees. “Danny baby, pull up somewhere to go.”

“Let’s just take off walking again, we passed like fifty pubs on the way here,” he argues, bursting through the group and walking down the sidewalk again. The tension feels like it has dissipated for the most part; you have to admit that at first you were still a little worried that things might be a little strange between all of you. But as soon as you all got a couple of drinks in you, the anxiety melts away, and you find yourself laughing along and fitting right in with them. The girls are really cool, and Danny and Sam together keep the conversation going with ease.

An hour or so later, you’re unlocking your hotel door and stripping the layers of clothing off as you now have gotten a little sweaty from the heat mixed with the alcohol. The sun had popped out a little, only adding to your need for a giant bottle of water, and to relax across your bed. As you scroll social media and flick through TV channels in languages you can’t understand, you find your mind drifting back to Jake again. At this point, you know he isn’t going to text. He isn’t going to call, he isn’t going to add another song. If he was going to, he would have by now. You swallow down the realization, flipping to your back to push a pillow over your face. You think about calling Ruth, but at the same time, you hardly even feel like talking about it. 

Just as you're about to scream into the void, you hear a knock at your door. Who in the world? You stand up and adjust your clothing and hair, expecting Corri or Paul to be delivering you some information in person. You unlatch the deadbolt and swing the door open, finding none other than Jake leaning with one hand on your door frame, and the other gripping a single deep burgundy flower. 

“Hey…” he mumbles, biting his lip. 

“Hey, sorry, I wasn’t expecting you…” you fumble over your words, not only because you hadn’t spoken all day, but because he looked so overwhelmingly delicious standing there effortlessly dripping sex in your doorway that you almost catch yourself drooling. Loose, dark slacks, a black button up revealing his chest, his hair freshly washed and still damp around the roots… His skin is still glowing from the heat of his shower, and you can smell his body wash mixed in with that damn cologne he apparently carries with him everywhere. Your eyes flick to the flower hanging loosely from his fingertips before meeting his eyes again.

“I know, I should have called first, ‘m sorry…” he stumbles, pulling his hand from his pocket and swiping it across his nose. 

“No no, it’s fine, um… did you need… you wanna come inside?” you weren’t quite sure what to offer at this point; he wouldn’t have shown up if he didn’t want to talk.

He stands up straight now, smoothing his hands over his shirt and then placing them both in his pockets. “No, actually, I came by to see if you would want to go on a walk with me,” he asks, a shyness in his tone that feels new to you. “And to bring you this.”

He extends his hand, offering you the dark red flower, multi petaled and fragrant. “Saw it earlier at a flower stand and I…I don’t know, I thought of you. Thought you should have it.”

You accept it from his fingers, bringing it to your nose to take in its earthy smell, “It’s beautiful, what is it?”

“It’s a Dahlia, I believe. The vendor said it was a Black Dahlia, but it looks dark red to me. I don’t know, I just thought it was pretty. Thought of you.” he smiles nervously. You stare at him as you twist the flower under your nose and think about his question. 

“So, a walk?” you reiterate, finding the idea both exhausting and appealing, seeing as how you had just gotten back from an extremely lengthy one with everyone else. “I really should stay in tonight, I… dunno…”

“Please?” he asks, squinting his eyes. “Just a short one, we don’t have to go far. I just– I saw something cool today, and I thought you might like to see it, too. Wanna show you…”

You huff a little as you lean your head on the edge of the open door. His eyes are pleading, and you can tell there’s more to his little plan than simply showing you something.

Maybe he wants to talk. Maybe he wants to explain things… sort it all out…

“Okay. We can go. But, I have to get dressed first,” you say, already dreading putting all those layers back on, but not feeling so bad about it because now you’ll be with him. You feel a little reluctant, the pissed-off feeling you’d had all day still lying heavily present in your mind. But, he’s making an effort, at least…

“Take your time. I’m just a floor up, 507,” he starts to back away, the tiniest satisfied grin forming on his face. His eyes travel up and down your body so fast you almost miss it. “Just come knock when you’re ready.” 

You close the door as he rounds the corner to the elevator, and you can’t help but feel that rush of nerves fly up your body again. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he came to your door. With a flower. God, what a gentleman. You place the flower on the dresser, your heart pounding at the sweet gesture. You rush into the bathroom to freshen everything up and spruce your tangled hair, brushing some powder across your face and adding a little more mascara. You re-apply your favorite perfume to your wrists and neck, taking a little extra time to make sure you looked presentable in the full-length mirror on the wall. 

When you feel as if your appearance is as good as it's gonna get, you sit on your bed, wanting to make Jake wait for you just a little bit longer. You go ahead and pull up a facetime call with Ruth, waiting for the tone to ring out. 

The screen opens with Ruth holding up one finger, mouthing for you to hang on as she finishes out what looks to be a very annoying phone call with a client. She spins in her chair as she rolls her eyes, letting her head look at the ceiling as she uses her formal, professional voice to end the call.

“...You have an excellent day, ma’am. Mhm. Thank you, Buh-bye,” she presses a button on her phone and rips her headset off, fumbling for her airpods as she picks up her phone. “Oh my GOD today has been insane and I hate everything,” she complains as you watch the screen fill up with her face, and you hear the sound of her acrylic nails tapping all over her screen. You patiently wait, watching her loudly chew her gum, knowing that she has to clear away her notifications before she can even begin to have an uninterrupted conversation with you. “Okay I’m ready what the fuck has happened?!” 

You laugh, giving her the rundown of everything that happened since you last spoke, her facial expressions letting you know she is hanging on your every word. “...And now, he just showed up at my fucking door, and asked me on a date, I guess? After basically dry humping me in the bathroom then sending me home without another word,” you finish, whispering your words as if he could hear you. “I dunno, Ruth. Should I even go?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Yes you should go. Give him a chance to explain, at least. He wouldn’t have shown up to your door if he didn’t really want you to come, ya know?” she says, immediately noticing her word choice, and slyly smiling as she bounced her eyebrows.  

“Shut the fuck up. Ugh, yeah, you’re right. Does this outfit look okay?” you stand back and flip the camera around showing her yourself in the mirror. 

“Slayyyyyyyy that jacket is hot, where on earth did you even get it?!” she rolls her eyes. 

“From you. For my birthday. When you found out I was going to a colder climate,” you laugh. “Okay, I'm gonna go, I guess. I’ll text you later.”

“Live updates, please. I want to know the way this man ticks,” she teases.

“Shut up. Bye.” You end the call and grab your purse, making sure your room key is in your bag. You also make sure to grab the jacket Jake sent you home in last night, not able to bear another second staring at it draped across the back of the chair. 

—

“Thought you might want this back,” you say when Jake opens the door, taking the coat from your outstretched hand.

He smirks as he takes it, tossing it behind him to land on some unknown surface. “Looks better on you, but it’s one of only three jackets I brought with me.” You both laugh a little as you make your way down the hall and to the elevator. The whole ride down is silent, with both of you standing at opposite sides, more or less feeling no shame in drinking the other in. His arms and ankles are crossed as the elevator descends, and you can feel his eyes boring into you. 

“You look really nice today,” he offers as you exit the lobby and head back out into the freezing cold air. 

“Thank you,” you reply shyly, feeling the blush creep to your cheeks. “So do you…” you wanted to gush about how perfectly his hair is sitting around his face, how his shirt and jacket are hanging across his shoulders, how poised he just always seems to be without even trying… but you don’t. You hope to god you don’t run into any of his brothers, or anyone that you work with; coming up with an explanation why the two of you are out alone together again is something you truly don’t feel like dealing with right now. “So where are we going?”

“It’s called The Jordaan. It’s a really old neighborhood, with a canal going through the center. Bunch of little shops and stuff. Did you guys walk this way this morning?” you notice the lilt in his voice. 

You shake your head. “No, we went the opposite way,” you answer. It’s quiet for just a minute more as you pass by the crowds and other people on the streets. “Why didn’t you and Josh come along?”

He takes a quick breath. “Eh, we didn’t really receive an invite, honestly,” he laughs, stroking his fingers over his mustache. “Had to be Lyla or Mia’s idea to go, if I had to guess.” He was right, but you still felt bad. “But it was okay, me and Josh went to eat and got to… talk a little without the interruption of the other two. Kinda rare these days,” he smiles, and his knuckles brush across yours just barely. The light touch sends your bloodstream to a raging fire, and you have to stifle down the pull to grab his hand altogether. 

The sun is peeking through the heavy cloud cover of the evening, and you find yourself staring at the way Jake’s pulled his sunglasses to sit on top of his head, letting the gleam of the sunlight bounce into his mocha colored irises. He looks you in the eye each and every time he speaks, and commands your complete attention away from everything else around you. You’re pulled into him, letting your bodies barely touch and move together as you walk along. This attraction feels different than the heated, blurry, intense pull you had to one another last night. This feels innocent, even though you both know that it’s anything but. 

You turn a corner as you come along to the long line of homes and buildings, multicolored and old in their exteriors but, still holding just the right amount of charm to be an attraction. You catch yourself looking above to see the craftsmanship of them. “Wow…” you exclaim quietly as you peer up at the finely detailed architecture, staring in awe at the shape they are still in. You pull your phone from your pocket and start to take photos, zooming in on the details and making a mental note to send them straight to Ruth later. 

You walk up onto a little footbridge lined with parked bikes and people stopped to take photos. Suddenly Jake is behind you, barely resting his chin on your shoulder. “Gimme your phone, let me take your picture,” he murmurs in your ear. 

“Oh no, that’s okay…” Before the words can even escape your lips, he’s snatched your phone and started backing up, glancing behind him and back to your phone every few seconds. 

“You’re really good at taking my phone away and doing whatever you want with it, you know!” you yell at him in aggravation. 

He motions his free hand for you to scoot sideways, and then again for you to stop where you are. He snaps a few, turning the phone on its side to get every angle he can. You stand a bit awkwardly, hating that people are having to stop when they notice they are walking in line of the photo. Finally he finishes and rushes back over to you. “They look good! See?” he says, handing your phone back and swiping through them with you. “Now you’ll have record.”

You walk past a few secondhand shops and stores, and suddenly, something in one of the windows catches your eye. “Oh my god, look at that!” you squeal, pointing to a glimmering red dress sitting perfectly on a mannequin. It isn’t like any dress you’d seen before; it looks vintage, bright cherry red velvet with sewn-in sequins weaved throughout. It’s tight, but not too tight, and short and lacking fabric in all the right places. 

“Damn, you should go try it on!” Jake exclaims, obviously agreeing with your surprise at how pretty it is. 

“Nah, I shouldn’t…” you say, walking away from the window. 

“No, you should, actually. That dress is hot, Y/N,” he says, elbowing you in the ribs. “And I think you’d make it a hundred times hotter.”

You scoff. “Be quiet, no I would not.”

“Prove me wrong, then,” he challenges with a smirk, opening the door to the shop, and holding his hand out to invite you inside. 

You step inside, and are immediately greeted by a man dressed in a formal tuxedo. He notices that you are not local during his greeting, and switches to rough English.

“Eyeballing the red number, are you madam? Give me one second, I’ll grab it off the mannequin for you,” you and Jake lock eyes as the man flits away, straight for the window. He raises his eyebrows in anticipation and gives you a grin so adorable you almost melt into putty right there in the store. 

“Here you are ma’am, please, be careful, very old dress,” he explains, handing you the dress on a hanger and opening a curtain for you to go behind. 

“Go ahead,” Jake mouths, pushing you into the small dressing room. 

You stand almost naked in front of the mirror as you slip the soft, tight fabric over your thighs, your stomach, and finally over your shoulders. Jake was right, it fits you perfectly. The velvet material snatches your waist and bust, and cuts right above your knee. Its sequins shimmer in the overhead light, but aren’t so overwhelming that it looks showy. It’s something you could dress up, or dress down. You reach behind you and pull the zipper up only halfway. Of course.

You take a deep breath and pull the curtain back, finding Jake to have taken a seat on a plush maroon ottoman. His jaw drops as you walk toward him, and yet again, you feel the heat rise in your face. You continue walking toward him, turning at the last second with your back to him, pulling your hair to the side. “Finish doing me up?” you say, immediately realizing that could be taken in a way you didn’t really mean. But also kind of mean, if you’re being honest. 

You hear him swallow and he stands, and feel his warm hand slowly grip the zipper and pull it up, his other hand resting gently on the back of your hip, this thumb barely squeezing at the muscle. He takes his time, moving the zipper at the slowest pace imaginable. “Everything alright back there?” you whisper over your shoulder, hearing your own voice tremble. 

You hear the air push from his nose as he leans in a little closer. “Just taking my time… might be the only time I get to touch you this way…”

Your eyelids flutter closed at his words. You lick your lips, trying to calm your second heartbeat. “What makes you think this will be the only time?”

He finishes the zip, spinning you to turn and face him. He shrugs one shoulder. “Just don’t wanna get my hopes up,” he growls. “Take that as a compliment…if you wear that out in public, I wouldn’t stand a chance against the hordes of guys that would be following you around.”

You scoff at him, and the absolute absurdity of his statement. He has no idea how pretty he is, does he?

“Shh. That’s a lie,” you say as you turn back and motion for him to unzip you. He does, this time with a little more haste. You make your way back into the dressing room and switch back into your clothing, hanging the beautiful specimen back on the hanger the man had provided you with. 

“What? You’re not getting it?!” Jake stands as you make your way back toward the employee.

“No, Jake! I can’t buy that! It’s too–”

“Perfect? Because you looked… I–I can’t even explain… You have to get it, Y/N,” he argues.

You hand the dress back to the man in the suit. “No. I wouldn’t even have anywhere to wear something like that…” you go on, internally screaming at how badly you really would like to have it. 

“Let me get it for you, then,” Jake says. “It’s not even that expensive…”

“NO!” you squeal. “I mean, no thank you. Please, Jake. It’s completely fine,” you say as you begin to walk toward the exit. You simply could not let him buy this for you. No. Huh-uh. Absolutely the hell not. 

He reluctantly follows you out of the store, still playfully going on and on about how you just made a huge mistake. You turn and face him, your face only inches from his. You grab both of his hands in yours, snickering a little at the surprised look on his face. “Jake, I appreciate the compliments, but I’d really like to get on with our date, now.”

JAKE POV

Her words send a shockwave through your system. “Date? So it’s a date now?” you ask, your hands cupped in hers as he looks you in the eyes. 

She turns and begins walking again, and you have to physically tell yourself to move your legs and follow along. “You came to my door, asked me to go on a walk because you wanted to show me a certain specific special thing… now we’re exploring and talking and trying on dresses, I’d qualify this as a date,” she turns and gives you a teasing look of intrigue. “Just missing the food part, but I think it would still count.” 

A smile comes to your lips as you realize she’s right. “You hungry?” you ask, finally catching up with her. 

“No, I’m just kidding. Let’s go down to the riverside,” she points a little ways away, seeing that there is a sidewalk that runs alongside the water. 

You stuff your hands in your pockets as you trudge along, the two of you taking in the scenery and the water beside you. The air is still blowing cold, but neither of you seem to mind. “So if we’re gonna qualify this as a date, maybe we should get to know each other a little better,” you suggest, earning a scoff from her. 

“Seems a little backwards seeing as how we kinda already–”

“I know, I know,” you laugh. “Um, let’s see. Did you play any sports in school?” you ask. 

“I played volleyball all four years, golfed with my dad on the weekends sometimes when he was around… Other than that, not really,” she explains.

“Shit, don’t tell Danny you like golf,” you go on. “He’ll capture you in a week-long conversation and then ask you to go play a round in every country we visit,” you laugh. 

“Ummm, what’s your favorite holiday? And you can’t pick Christmas…” she says, pushing her pointer finger into your shoulder. 

“Hmm, so, I think it’s a tie between the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving, because in July we’re always out of the country somewhere really beautiful, or we’re all at home blowing shit up together. I’m always really happy that time of year. And then Thanksgiving, because I will eat the fuck out of mashed potatoes any chance I get,” you say. 

She laughs again, the sounds of her voice making your insides warm. “Your answer was better than mine!” 

“Let’s see… What's your best friend’s name?” Noticing that she hasn’t really mentioned anyone.

“My best friend’s name is Ruth, we’ve been friends since elementary school. She’s… a complete idiot,” she laughs. “We still talk pretty much daily about anything and everything,” she explains. “Don’t have any secrets.”

“Oh so, she’s… getting the rundown of your whole European adventure in real time, isn't she?” you ask, wondering if she had been giving her a play by play of the whirlwind last few days you'd shared together. 

She purses her lips and squints her eyes as her hand brushes past yours. “Guess you could say that…”

“Damn!” you laugh, feeling embarrassed. “Don’t tell me you included our bar bathroom escapade…”

Suddenly she’s tripping over her words. “I mean... No! I told her a little but like, not details or anything ya know, but she…I–” 

“So she knows we almost hooked up but thankfully stopped just in time that my brother didn’t catch things getting too out of hand…” you say confidently, wanting to see the blush rush her cheeks again. 

She stops, standing stiff in her place. “Okay, Jake. Caught me. Sue me, shit.”

You continue walking, pulling her along by the hand. “I’m kidding, I don’t care. I hope to meet her one day.”

She looks at you from the side of her eye, “I hope you do, too. Okay, who’s your best friend?”

“You really want me to answer that?” You’re surprised she can’t already tell. “I’ve got three built right in. All three pains in my ass but I love ‘em.”

“How sweet, Jake. Man, you do have a heart under there, somewhere!” she teases. 

“Of course I do baby, I’m actually a sweetheart, didn’t you know?” you respond in a very piratical voice. “Alright, favorite music genre. This is the big one, answer carefully…”

“Ahhh, well…” she looks to the ground, truly contemplating her answer. “You already know the Alt-J stuff you added was way out of my normal choice, I actually listen to um, a lot of harder stuff, I guess you could say. Some metal, hard rock, also older country, some psych stuff. It runs the whole gambit,” she laughs, seeming like she was shy to admit it all. 

“Wow,” you say. “So like, almost the exact opposite of what we’re into.”

“Kind of, I mean it probably overlaps… I love the stuff you’ve added to the list. And I’m sure there’s a few classic dad rock songs you like, don’t lie…” she smiles. 

“Ehhh,” you argue, “Maybe a few…” you feel a sudden slight disappointment in the fact that the two of you probably will not be able to talk music much. But, that’s okay…

“Me and my dad used to go to rock shows a lot when I was a kid. I’ve seen all the country greats a few times a piece. Just something about that sound, you know? Reminds me of home, it’s very nostalgic… I’m sorry, I’m rambling…” she says, brushing the hair from her face as you find yourself enraptured in her words. 

“No, no… it’s okay, ramble on…”

Light bulb. 

You sneakily pull your phone from your pocket, adding that very song to the playlist, hoping she won't notice right off the bat, but hoping she will understand soon that you would listen to her ramble all day long. As she continues to talk, you can’t help but notice all the ways that she is so different from Isla. Like night and day. She listens to you when you speak, she doesn’t ever come at you with condescending words unless she’s being playful, she is sure of herself, and confident…and gives you that feeling down deep in your gut that tells you she’s something special. Though you’ve only known her a few days, it’s already obvious that she offers every single thing that Isla doesn’t, never has, and most likely never will. Instead of the uneasy, walking on eggshells feeling that you have everytime you’re with Isla, you get the confident, self-assured and joyful feeling in Y/N’s presence. And something is telling you to hold onto it. 

Speaking of Isla… you really need to tell Y/N about her. It’s only right. It isn’t fair to her that she doesn’t have a clue, you wouldn’t have wanted to be left in the dark if the roles were reversed. You swallow, opening your mouth to start the conversation without having a clue where to even begin. But your thoughts are interrupted by Y/N’s sweet voice bringing you back down to earth again. 

“I know you bargained for a short walk, but what if we went up there to that little pub and see what they have to offer?” she asks, smiling a toothy grin.

Maybe the time isn’t now…

“Lead the way, love.”

—

HER POV

Warm. Everything is just so warm. Your body, your face, his smile. Warm. The room is a dull hum of noise around you, your world growing still as he sits in front of you. You watch him in wonder as he talks about music and his passions, your face propped up on your fist. You know you must look positively smitten, and to be honest you kind of are. The two of you are giggling back and forth, even though nothing is really that funny. But that was the beauty of it. You can tell you are blinking slowly and try to reign it in as the nearly half a liter of beer swirls through your bloodstream. You can’t help but smile at him while he talks, his eyes locked on yours as a smile stretches across his own face. 

You wonder how he is even able to hold a conversation right now, your brain reduced to mush as you continue to sip on your beer. He’s happy, you can tell, a dimple has appeared in his cheek and hasn’t left in nearly an hour. You can’t stop looking at it, at him. Everything about him. The twinkle lights over head have cast a perfect yellow glow on his tan skin, just as the sun starts to dip down below the river the two of you walked here from.

“You still with me, beautiful?” he asks, his knuckles brushing against yours. 

“I’m here, but barely.” you laugh, “Why aren’t you feeling the alcohol yet?” you tease, taking a rather large gulp of your beer.  You know he definitely has a higher tolerance than you do, but you can tell he is a little more smiley than usual. You place the large glass tankard back on the table as he stares at you, his eyes wide and sparkling. 

“What?” you ask, feeling a bit bashful in your drunken state. 

“You’re just…so– you’re just really pretty and it makes me feel, I don’t know, shy I guess,” he answers truthfully, biting his lips together nervously. 

You feel your chest burst into flames, the heat radiating up your face to your already flushed cheeks. 

“I like it when you blush,” he breathes, which of course makes you blush harder. “Like it best when it’s because of me.”

You feel all of your nervousness and anxiety melting away as he looks at you, and suddenly with the help of the beer, you feel brave enough to ask the question that has been on your mind all day. 

“Jake?”

He nods his head ever so slightly, letting his fingertips drift across your knuckles. 

“Why didn’t you answer? My song, how come you didn’t say anything?” you ask, swallowing down your last bit of nervousness. 

He drops his head a little, grabbing your hand in his, letting his thumb skate across your skin. “I searched and searched for a song that I could respond with last night. One that would articulate what I wanted to say, but I just…I couldn’t find one. I felt like absolute shit after you left, Y/N. Really, I did. I fell asleep with that damn song on replay until my alarm went off this morning. It got in my head, and that’s when I decided I wanted to go on this walk today. Make it up to you.”

You stare at him for just a second, letting a smile slowly creep to your lips. He notices and you watch him as he visibly relaxes. He was nervous, too. 

His eyes are locked on yours, both of you saying a thousand things with zero words. You let his words sink in, storing away each one until your heart feels a little bit lighter. 

“Well, you better think of a good one tonight,” you tease, rubbing your thumb against his. 

His phone buzzes on the table top, his eyes flashing down to it, then to you in panic. 

“It’s fine,” you nod, gesturing for him to grab it. “I don’t mind, really.”

He picks it up and clears his throat, the loss of his hand from yours stings a little but you know he will do it again. 

“From Josh,” he starts reading the message out loud, “Where are you? I knocked on your door and you didn’t answer.”

He smiles and laughs as his thumbs type back a response. 

“Oh, another one,” he pauses, “We’re meeting up for dinner, just the guys, in an hour.”

His face drops a little, his eyes looking across the table to you. He locks his phone and sets it back on the table, his hand seeking yours out again. 

“We should probably get going if you’re gonna make it back in time,” you offer, taking another sip of your beer. 

He lets out a painful sigh, “I don’t really want to. I want to stay out…with you. I see them all the time.”

“No, no, no, you’re in Amsterdam with your brothers. They want to see you. Don’t change your plans around for me,” you insist. 

He looks conflicted, you can tell he really does want to stay here with you, but he also knows he needs to meet up with them. 

“Well, what about you? What will you do?” he asks, tracing his index finger around your hand. 

You smile and shake your head, “Don’t worry about me, I’ll probably just go back to my room and do whatever it was I was going to do before you knocked on the door.”

He smiles and nods, licking his lips before speaking again, “If you’re sure, this is supposed to be me making it up to you for leaving you last night, now I seem to be doing it again.”

“Wanna know a secret?” 

He raises his eyebrows in question, ready to hear your answer.

“I forgave you for that about two minutes into our walk,” you smile, squeezing his hand in yours. 

—

He walks with you back to the hotel, his hand never leaving yours for a second. His grip is firm and warm, everything you ever dreamed of. You talk about the shops and the sights, and he tries again to convince you to buy that dress, bartering that he was going to have to go back and buy it himself if you refused. 

As you step up to the hotel door you pause, turning and looking at him in the glow of the streetlights. “You don’t have to walk me all the way up, I think I can find it.” you tease. 

“Alright, well, um, can I text you?” he asks, his tone reverting back to that of a nervous fifteen year old boy. 

You feel the butterflies taking flight in your stomach, flapping their wings so hard you feel like you might take off with them. “Yeah, you can text me whenever you want to.”

A huge smile spreads across his face, “Yeah, alright, cool. I’ll um, I’ll text you then.”

“I’ll be waiting,” you answer, watching him stifle back his smile as he steps back a bit, bringing your hand to his lips. He places a soft and gentle kiss to the top of your hand, his cold lips barely grazing your skin, and sending a jolt of electricity through you. 

“Won’t be long,” he smiles, stepping away and turning to head back down the street. 

—

JAKE POV

You follow the walk route to the pin that Josh had dropped, finding yourself at a tiny pub down a back alleyway of a street. The place is crowded and warm, ambient lights with the damp smell of cigars lingering in the air. You mosy through the crowd, hoping that no one recognizes you and stops you for a drunken conversation or autograph. 

Luckily it doesn’t happen, and you find Danny, Sam, and Josh tucked away at a high-top table in the corner. “There he is! Took you long enough!” Danny yells over the loud crowd, the first one of them to spot you. 

The other two turn to face you, pulling your stool out for you to take. “Your beer is probably warm, now…sorry,” Sam says, pointing to yet another giant mug of beer, just the same as the one you’d just finished off. 

“Fuck, thanks…” you say, tiptoeing to hop up onto the high stool. You simply can’t help the shit-eating grin that’s plastered across your face, even with all the maximum effort you have left in you. You take a large sip, finding the beer to still be fairly cold. 

“Where have you been already today? You look flushed and far too jovial…” Josh presses, rubbing his hands together with his elbows resting on the table. 

“Cold outside,” you say, shooting him a look. 

The bullshitting and argumentative discussions commence as everyone obviously begins to feel their alcohol, and you take the distracted time out to text Y/N, letting her know you made it safely. 

You

9:18PM: I’m here, but already wishing I never left

You attach a quick photo of your giant beer, and include the eye-rolling emoji.

Y/N

9:20PM: omg 😂 good luck choking another one down

You

9:21PM: Ye have little faith 🍺 

A minute later you receive a photo of her room service sprawled out across the bed in front of her, chicken fingers and fries and some type of dipping sauce. You smirk at how cute she probably looks in whatever outfit she chose to get comfy in, and wonder what she looks like. You notice the TV in the background, and recognize the movie that she has playing. 

You

9:24PM: Looks tasty

9:24PM: Damn, is that Wedding Crashers?

Y/N

9:25PM: Yes, I fucking love this movie

You run your hand over your face. 

You

9:26PM: That sucks, I quite literally can’t stand that movie 

Y/N:

9:26PM: 😱😱😱😱😱😱

9:26PM: You’re insane, this is one of my favorite movies of all time! Why do you hate it!

You

9:27PM: Dunno, not a sucker for cheap comedy I suppose

You’re interrupted by Sam’s snapping fingers in your face. “Hellooooo, Jake, you with us? Tell Isla to leave you the fuck alone, it’s guys’ night!” 

You feel your eyes widen at his comment and glance at Josh, who is mirroring your exact expression behind his folded hands. 

“Uh, sorry, sorry yeah.” You put your phone down on the table and try your best to be present with them, getting caught up in your normal absurd conversation. Your phone continues to light up and buzz on the table. 

“You gonna get that?” Josh asks slowly and quietly, just loud enough for you to hear. You ignore him, finishing off the last bit of your beer that went down exceptionally quicker than you thought it would. Everyone is sufficiently intoxicated, and you have to admit, you’re having a really great time letting loose. The drinks are flowing, and the air is high-spirited all the way around. Danny is taking funny videos of Sam and Josh as they try their hand at some type of trick with a coin and a bottle cap, so you take the second to check your phone again. But what you see brings your serotonin level down just a notch. 

Isla

10:12PM: Hey, what’s up?

10:27PM: Why aren’t you answering me babe :(

10:29PM: I miss youuuuu, you never called back last night

10:33PM: Saw Danny’s close friends story, glad to see you having fun ignoring my texts! 👋🏼

10:37PM: Can you accept my location request

10:42PM: I can see your phone in front of you Jake

You roll your eyes and mutter a quiet oh…my…god, rubbing your eyes with the palms of your hands. 

“What’s up?” Josh asks, and you turn your phone for him to see. His eyes instantly widen as he reads. 

“This…is the shit I’ve dealt with for the last three years. I can’t—” you cut yourself off, feeling your jaw clenching with aggravation. 

Josh settles back in his chair. “Fuck, I had no idea…”

“What, what is it?” Sam and Danny basically simultaneously ask, seeing the disdain falling over the both of you at the same time. 

“Nothin’, just a sad video,” Josh lies. 

You decide to let Isla’s antics roll off your shoulders; you’re having too good of a night to let her whining bring you down. Things with Y/N are starting to heat up, and you find your tipsy self teetering on the edge of risk. You pull her texts up again, finding that she had responded a while ago.

Y/N

9:30PM: You’re crazy, this movie is fuckin hilarious

You decide to change up the game a bit, adding a song that reflects exactly how you’re feeling right now. You scroll through your library and land on it, bringing up the option to add it to your shared playlist. It’s perfect, ‘In the Mood For You’ by The Record Company. 

She responds with a text a minute later, a string of five or six laughing emojis. You’re then met with a song addition on her end, ‘Are You Sure?’ by Willie Nelson. 

Holy shit holy shit. You feel your stomach get warm and your head starts to swim at the thought of where this could go, where you want it to go. You take a deep breath as the excitement builds in your system, and you can physically feel your body getting warm. You want to scream. Your eyes begin to cross a little as your thumbs hover over the screen, flicking around as you decide what to do. 

The next thing you know, Sam is setting another beer in front of your face, this one thankfully much, much smaller than the other one you had just finished off. Mother fucker...Gonna be very drunk.

You decide to skip out on a text, keeping this little game the two of you have going. You pull up the song search, adding ‘No One Else’ by Weezer. Perfect. 

Seconds later, you receive a text. 

Y/N

10:56PM: I’ll think about it…….

You feel your cheeks grow pink. 

Just then another comes through from Isla. 

Isla

10:57PM: Ignoring me isn’t going to fix anything, Jacob.

You scoff, shaking your head. You turn the phone to Josh again. 

“God, block her fucking number. I’m so serious,” his voice raises a little, laced with a protective tone. 

You ignore it, flipping back over to your texts with Y/N, suddenly feeling emboldened. 

You

10:59PM: Think about what, exactly? 

You lick your lips as you set the phone down, glancing around to see no one paying attention to you all up in your phone again. A minute later, you receive a photo. You click the message and watch as the attachment comes to life. 

It’s a selfie of Y/N sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in a barely-there black silk pajama set, with the object of the photo obviously the empty side of the bed behind her. 

Y/N

11:01PM: You, here.

Son of a fucking bitch, she is gonna be the death of you. You pull your phone up so no one can see the picture, and you take a second to stare at her soft skin in the silk material, her hair a little messy but lying perfectly. She’s smiling just a little, and the dim light is bouncing off her features in all the right areas. 

You

11:03PM: Absolutely stunning

11:03PM: Are YOU sure?

Your heart is positively racing, watching as her text bubble pops up. 

Y/N

11:04PM: Only if you want to…

As the breath hitches in your throat as you’ve quite literally forgotten how to breathe, you take a second more, starting in on the beer Sam had provided. You lock your phone, trying to make up your mind of how to answer. What to do, what to do…

You finally decide to reply with a bold text. 

You

11:06PM: I think I can make that happen…😉

11:06PM: We shouldn’t be much longer

You get dragged back into conversation with the guys, and fifteen or so minutes later, everyone is gearing up to leave. You glance down at your phone a few minutes later, seeing that she hasn’t responded. Weird. 

Everyone stands to leave, and the alcohol hits you in the face. Yeah, pretty fairly intoxicated. You exit the building, feeling someone standing behind, close by. You turn to see Dean bringing up the rear of the group. “Whoa, where did you come from you scary motherfucker?” you tease, earning a big, warm smile from him.

“Been sitting at the bar all evening, Mr. Jake,” he responds, pointing for you to catch up with the rest of them. 

You rest a heavy hand on his shoulder. “You’re really good at your job, Dean. I never even knew you were there, should have come and had a drink with us.” You feel your words slurring a bit. Just then, you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket incessantly. 

“I wet my whistle with a shot of Jameson as soon as we got there, water the rest of the night,” he replies without looking at you. You laugh and step to the side a bit, pulling your phone out to see Isla calling. Fucking son of a bitch. You slide to answer it. 

“What, Isla? Fuck!” your tone is a bit more harsh than you had expected, but warranted nonetheless. 

Then, all you can hear on the other line is a rush of screams and yells, her voice loud and her words cramming as she lets you know how she feels. You pull the phone away from your ear, holding it there until you find a chance to speak again. 

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, can you–”

Her screams continue, and you realize exactly how this is going to go. How it’s gone hundreds of times before. She’s not gonna let you speak. And honestly, you’re too intoxicated to talk, anyway. You set it to speakerphone as Josh falls back to walk with you. You shake your head as you allow your twin to listen to her incessant rambling. “You hear this shit?” you mumble. The two of you listen for a second more before you realize you can’t do it anymore. 

“Isla, I’m hanging the phone up. Call me when you can have a mature conversation. Bye.” You don’t even wait for her to retaliate before pressing the big red button. In a huff, you bring up your text thread to see if Y/N has responded. Like the gods of divine intervention decided to reign down their bad luck upon you, you find that you had in fact sent those last two risky texts, to Isla.

“FUCK!” you yell, stopping in your tracks, hitting your palm to your forehead. “Fuck fuck fuck!” How could you have been so stupid?! Of course she had a reason to call and yell at you…

Your fingers move to Y/N’s thread, and you see that you were the one who had left her on read. You’re in the lobby of the hotel now, and everyone is dispersing to head to the elevator or down the halls to their respective rooms. You snap away for a second to tell them goodnight, before deciding to take the stairs up to your room. You needed a second, and to work off some of your drunkenness. 

You finally pop into your room, feeling completely idiotic for accidentally sending the right text to the wrong number. You splash some cold water on your face, hoping it will bring you back to earth a little bit, but finding it to have only made your splotchy face and tinted cheeks worse. You brush your teeth and take a piss, finally settling on the edge of your bed to think. 

Fuck it, you finally decide, bringing up your texts with Y/N once more. 

You

11:47PM: I think I can make that happen…

Surprisingly, she responds within the minute.

Y/N

11:47PM: Hey. Thought you had found someone else to sneak away to the bathroom…

Your nerves flush up all over again. We’re still in the clear.

You

11:48PM: Don’t be crazy fledgling. I’m finding you in 5 minutes. 

HER POV

Five minutes? Five minutes!  You stare at the screen for a few seconds before your brain starts to work again, giving you a mile long to-do list before he knocks on the door. 

“What!? What! What does it say?! Hello! Why do you look panicked!?” Ruth asks from the other end of the phone. 

“Oh my god, he’s coming to my room. Right now, he’s on his way right this second, holy shit I have to– I have to clean up! I need to brush my teeth, brush my hair? Shit, I can’t be wearing this! Oh my god, shit I do not have enough time!” you screech, tearing across the hotel room to clean up the best that you can. 

“Focus on yourself first! He doesn’t care about your messy room! Put on some deodorant for the love of god! Did you shave your legs today?! Wait, did you end up bringing that little black sleep set thing we found?” she asks, trying to help you prioritize. 

“Yes! I’m wearing it stupid! Can you not see me?!” you shout, the clocking continuing to tick by. 

“Fuck off, it’s blurry! Okay just go brush your teeth, brush your hair, deodorant, then let's work on the room. Hurry up!” 

You run into the bathroom, applying deodorant as quickly as possible and checking your legs for stubble. “I shaved this morning, but I think it’s fine.”

“Did you shave…everything?!” she asks, just as panicked as you are. 

“Yeah, thank god!” you answer, wetting your toothbrush. 

“Okay, game plan, keep brushing, just listen. He’s into you, you’re into him. He’s been flirting with you all night. He wants you babe, and if it were me? Well, I’d do it. I know what you’re gonna say, ‘Ruthie, I can’t give it up on the first date’, blah blah blah, I don’t care, fuck the police. He’s hot, you’re hot, you’re in Europe, and if you don’t sex that man tonight, you might not get the chance to again.” she lectures, giving you a stern look.

You spit your toothpaste into the sink, wiping your mouth and grabbing for your hair brush. You run it quickly through your hair as she continues. “God, I have got to know what this man is like in the bedroom. I am so living through you right now. I expect every detail first thing in the morning. Not noon, not three, morning.”

You grab your perfume from the bathroom counter and hold it up to the camera, “Should I, or too much?”

“Yes, you should, obviously! But don’t overdo it!” she yelps back. You spray the perfume onto your wrists, careful not to spray too much. 

“Alright, I feel better, but do you think I should change? Honestly, I feel so…”

“What? Hot, sexy? Drop dead gorgeous? Didn’t have a problem with it when you sent that picture earlier, what's different now?” she asks. 

“Well, nothing I guess, I just… He will see me in person. You can see my nipples!” you admit.

“I think he’s gonna see a lot more than your nipples tonight babe, that’s just the appetizer.” she laughs, crunching the ice from her drink. 

“Oh my god you are so gross, okay, fine. I just need to clean up the room and little and–”

A knock at the door renders you both silent. You mouth the words ‘oh my god’, as she laughs silently. 

“I’ll call you later,” you whisper, quickly ending the call and tossing your phone onto the dresser. You take a deep breath and smooth your hands over the black satin tank top, pushing your boobs up, but letting out a defeated sigh when they drop back into place. She better be right about this. 

You blow out a calming breath as you make your way towards the door, twisting the handle and pulling the door open. Leaning against your door frame you find Jake, cheeks flushed and somehow looking even better than he did this afternoon. He’s in the same clothes, and his hair is windblown, but there is something different about him. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you file it away for later. 

You purse your lips in a smirk, “You said five minutes.”

He smiles and nods, “I did, but I had to make a pit stop.”

“What for?” you ask, a playful tone to your voice. 

You watch his eyes flick down to take in your appearance, his chest growing as he sucks in a deep breath, “Oh, you know…had to get something,” he pauses, shrugging his shoulders a bit. “Did you make up your mind?”

You bite your lips together as you open the door a little wider, “Mmm, I thought about it…”

He steps forward, his foot on the threshold, “And?”

You instantly reach for his shirt, pulling him into the room and crashing your lips into his. He immediately takes control, leading you backwards and kicking the door shut with his foot. His hands have found your waist, sliding beneath the silky fabric of your top and gripping into your skin. He backs you into a wall, letting his warm lips drag across your jaw as his hands continue to explore the soft skin of your stomach. It’s not long before his lips are back on yours, the taste of alcohol still lingering on his tongue. 

His knee slides between your legs, parting them just enough to be able to press himself closer to you. Your arms lace around his neck, your hands tangling into his soft hair, as his hips press into yours. The sound of your lips on his is wet and desperate, the two of you devouring each other where you stand. His tongue slides into your mouth in search of yours, the two of you quickly picking up where you last left off. 

You can feel his phone vibrating in his pocket as it presses against your leg, an incessant buzz that drags your attention away from his lips. 

“You wanna get that?” you ask, whispering against his lips. 

“No,” he growls, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip. “Probably the groupchat, I’m tired of them interrupting.”

He pulls the two of you from against the wall, walking you backwards towards the bed as his lips pepper kisses up and down your jaw. He tosses you down towards the bed, the fluffy white sheets pooling around your body. His eyes are hazy as he looks down at you, his cheeks still red from what you thought was the cold, but now know is the alcohol flowing through his system. His chest is heaving as he stares down at you, taking in every single inch of your body. You can feel the primal need radiating from him, and you remind yourself to thank Ruth for not letting your change into something else. 

You can hear that his phone is still buzzing, and with a huff of aggravation he pulls it from his pocket and taps on the screen a few times before throwing it onto the nightstand. He drops to his hands, hovering over you as his shirt hangs from his body. You keep your eyes locked on his as you unbutton the buttons, letting your hands run up his stomach and over his chest. 

His lips drop back down to yours, this kiss a little slower and a little more intentional, you can feel that he wants you, and you hope he can tell that you want him just the same. He hums against your lips, the evidence of his need starting to show through in his voice. You let your hands push the fabric of his shirt over his shoulders and he assists by tossing it to the floor. His necklaces hang between the two of you, the pendants cold as they rest against your chest. 

His hand comes up to swipe at the thin strap of your tank top, pulling it delicately over your shoulder while letting his eyes meet yours. You nod your head just enough to give him permission, letting him repeat the action with the other side. 

He brings his palm to rest on the side of your neck, his fingertips brushing lightly against your skin before he drags his palm down your body, pushing the soft black fabric down your chest. 

“This what you wanted?” he hums, dragging his fingertips over your sternum. “When you sent me that little picture? Wanted to get me all worked up thinking about you in this? Thinking about you, out of this?”

Your nipples harden just at the sound of his voice, deep and rich, a gentle slur from the alcohol. He is pure sex as you look up from beneath him.

“Might’ve been…” you answer, biting your bottom lip nervously. 

“Don’t do that,” he says, pulling your lip with his thumb. “Own it. Take what you want.”

A smirk is planted on his lips, his hair hanging around his face as he looks down at you. You decide to do exactly what he says, reaching down to the hem of your top and pulling it up and over your shoulders. His eyes drop down to your chest, now completely exposed to him, the lust almost visible in his dark eyes.

“Shit…” he breathes, his tongue wetting his lips.

He slots his knee between your legs, crawling forward a little bit more and dropping down to his elbows over top of you. His lips connect with your chest, sucking a long wet kiss into the roundness of the skin. You squirm beneath him, the feeling of his lips on your body more than you can handle in the moment. He drags his lips down your body, stopping as he meets the hem of your shorts. 

“Smell so fucking good…You’re so soft, everywhere… Have half a mind to have you like this,” he pants, pressing his lips to your skin again.

“Come back,” you plead, needing to feel his lips on yours.

He moves quickly, grabbing your face with his hand and pressing his lips to yours. You reach between the two of you, your hand unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning the button on his pants. He groans as your hand slips into the waistband of his boxers, gently grazing the stubbly trimmed hair at his base. His eyes flick open to meet yours, almost as if he is surprised you’re doing what he told you to do. You stare at him, waiting for him to tell you to stop, but he doesn’t. You have the answer you need. 

You press further, reaching for him, but surprisingly finding him still mostly soft. His eyes widen a little, and his head drops just a touch. You can tell he knows, and it’s caught him a little off guard. 

You decide to take matters into your own hands, smiling back at him, “Roll over.”

He looks up, a small grin on his lips as he rolls to his back, landing in the empty spot you photographed earlier. You move to place yourself between his legs, reaching for the top of his pants and pulling them and his boxers down over his legs. He kicks them off and you toss them to the floor, taking in the sight of him completely naked in front of you. His chest is heaving as he looks at you, a grin on his shiny pink lips as he watches you slide your hands up his thighs. 

“I know I already told you this, but you’re so fucking pretty I can’t seem to think straight.”

You can feel your cheeks grow hot, the way he’s looking at you and the words falling from his mouth have your heart pumping harder than it has in years. 

“And god when you blush like that, fuck…”

You crawl forward a bit more, positioning yourself over him to straddle his waist. You lower yourself to a sitting position, letting him guide your hips to rest your body weight where he wants it. His hands grip into your hips, sliding under the silky fabric still covering your lower half. His thumbs rub circles into your hip bones, your hips rolling on their own accord against his. A hum leaves his chest as his eyes flutter closed, clearly enjoying his view and the feeling of you beneath his hands. 

You reach for his hand, grabbing his wrist and guiding his palm to rest over your chest, letting his fingers grip into the soft fullness beneath it. He palms at your breast as you continue to rock your hips over his. His mouth opens just a bit as he focuses on you, slowly bringing his other hand to rest over your other breast. His grip is firm and warm, not too rough. A hum of pleasure leaves his lips every few seconds as he drinks in the moment, but still yet he is considerably soft beneath you. 

You lean forward into his hands, letting your lips brush against his neck, your tongue darting out and licking a wet stripe up the column of his neck. His grip tightens and his hips buck upward into yours. You’ve got him where you want him now. 

You pull away from him, moving backwards on the bed until you are hovering right above his dick. Your eyes flick to his, dark and boiling over with want as you lower your face closer to him. You grab him in your hand, feeling that he is still not truly hard enough to do anything with, but you still had a few more ideas yet. 

“Can I?” you breathe, whispering the words against his soft pink tip. You bat your eyes at him, “Please?”

You watch his chest rising and falling quickly, his heart rate sky high as he watches you. “Been dreaming about it.”

You let your tongue glide over his tip, warm against your mouth as your eyes stay locked on his. You wrap your fist around his base and let your mouth sink down over him, running your tongue up the underside of his shaft. You can’t help but wonder why he isn’t rock hard at this point, his body giving you every single cue that he wants you, apart from this one. 

His hand swipes the hair away from your face as you take him, feeling him growing just the slightest bit harder as his tip grazes the back of your mouth. You pull off of him just enough to speak, letting your wet lips brush his tip. “That okay?”

“Yes, fuck yes, I just–”

You grip your hand into his thigh as you shush him, “Shhh, I know, I’m not done.”

You take him down again, bobbing your head back and forth at a steady pace as his breathing starts to pick up. His skin is clammy under your hands and his chest is heaving as he watches you take him as far as you can. 

Your brain starts to wander as you taste him, his natural musky smell translating to the taste of his skin. Maybe he drank too much? Or maybe you’re just bad at this. He should be hard by now. Maybe he doesn’t really want you like you thought. 

A groan leaves his lips and his hips buck up, forcing him further down your throat. “Fuck…”

Okay, that's definitely not it. He has been falling all over you for days, it has to be something else. 

His hand grips into your hair as his hips buck upwards again. “Feel so fuckin’ good baby, shit. Perfect little mouth, knew it would be.” 

You let your eyes flick up to his, staring at him as his tongue rests between his lips. He’s trying, you can tell, but for some reason, it’s just not working. His brow furrows in anger, and you watch as his demeanor shifts, frustration taking him over. 

You pull off him, his dick harder than when you started, but still fairly soft. You don’t know how hard he normally is, but it has to be more than this. Right?

“Jake, we don’t have t–”

He shakes his head, “Mmm, you know what? Come up here beautiful, come lay down for me.”

You do as he says, part of you sad to think that maybe you weren’t doing it for him, but you push the thoughts aside, swapping places with him as he adjusts the pillow beneath your head. He bends to kiss you, pulling away for just a second before pressing his lips to yours again much quicker. 

“So fucking pretty, all of you. But especially that mouth,” he smirks. 

He hooks his fingers into your shorts, pulling them and your panties off in one swift movement. You are bare before him, his eyes widening as he takes you in, finally getting a reaction from his dick. He fists it up and down a few times as he looks at you, “Can I touch you, baby?”

You nod quickly, letting him spread your legs apart with his free hand. A growl leaves his chest as he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, “So gorgeous, shit…”

His thumb swipes up through your wetness, circling your clit a few times causing you to squirm beneath him. 

“Jake…” you gasp. 

His eyes meet yours, “Yeah? You like that? You’re so beyond wet, sweetheart.”

Your hips twist and turn beneath his touch, every angle proving to be more stimulating than the last. You whine, a string of curses and muffled versions of his name falling from your lips. 

“You…” he pauses, taking a deep breath, “Are everything I thought you would be. More, even.”

“Jake, please, I– I need–”

He pulls away from you quickly, his hand still fisting his cock as he reaches for his wallet on the floor. He pulls a condom from the pocket inside, tearing the foil packet open as he kneels back onto the bed. 

“Let me!” you urge, stopping his wrist, “I mean, please, can I do it?”

His eyes flick up to yours in surprise, “Yeah baby, you can do it. You can do whatever you want, swear to god.”

You grab the latex between your fingers, pinching the tip and rolling it over his cock. It's hard enough now that putting the condom on is fairly easy, but you’re positive he was even harder than this in the bathroom last night. You roll it to his base, letting your hand drift back up and over his chest before circling it around his neck. His hands grip your waist as his lips meet yours again, his tongue circling with yours as he moves you back towards the pillows, gently lowering your body to the bed. “Want you so bad, Y/N.”

“So have me,” you breathe, barely letting your lips leave his. 

You welcome him between your legs, feeling his hand reach down to fist his base, gliding himself through your wetness. In only a matter of a minute his dick is softer than it was, and both of you know it, but neither of you are willing to acknowledge it. 

His phone starts to buzz on the nightstand, both of you looking towards it. He doesn’t pay it any mind, letting it buzz on the wooden table until it stops. 

“Look at me, baby, don’t mind that,” he demands. 

You feel him press his tip to your entrance, his eyes fixed on yours. He furrows his brow as he presses his hips forward, but you feel nothing. Your eyes flick down between the two of you, finding that he can’t seem to get hard and stay hard enough to get it in. You feel a pang of hurt run through your chest, almost like rejection, but somehow a little worse. 

“Jake, are you not hard en–”

“Just give me a second, I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” he growls, his attention turning to the still buzzing phone on the nightstand. 

“I mean, I can give you head again if you think–”

“No, Y/N, I just– I just need a second, I’ll be fine,” he says. You can hear the anger in his voice, not at you, but at himself. 

“Is it me?” you ask, running your fingers up his arm that is next to your head. 

“Fuck no. You are everything I want, wet as fuck and gorgeous, no, it’s not you. I want you, I really fucking want you,” he says, stroking himself a few more times. “Alright…”

He repositions himself at your entrance, and this time you can feel him, he’s harder now, enough to slide into you, but still it’s only just enough to slip inside. 

Even half hard he is bigger than the last guy you were with, the stretch as he presses into you making that abundantly clear.

“Oh Jesus Christ, you are so tight,” he pants, his dick hardening a little at the tight fit. 

You slide your hands around his waist, pulling him down a little further as he starts to move his hips, “Oh goddamn…”

His phone buzzes twice on the nightstand as he starts to pump into you at a steady pace, but you ignore it, letting the overwhelming feeling of him moving inside of you take precedence in your brain. 

He groans through closed lips, his brow furrowed in concentration as he slides in and out of you. He rolls his hips as he thrusts into you, a whine leaving your lips as your back arches. 

“Motherfuck, you are–” he stops, regaining his composure, “Tightest fuckin’ pussy.”

Your hands grip into his sides as he picks up speed, his hips slamming into yours as both of you start to lose yourselves in the moment. Finally things felt normal, things felt good, way too good. You wanted this, you needed this, and fuck if he wasn’t checking every box you’d ever had. 

He cups your cheek in his hand, dusting his thumb over your swollen lips just as you part them to suck it in. You watch his eyes roll back in his head as he starts to pant, and you can tell he is dangerously close to his finish. 

You start to speak, ready to change positions but as you open your lips to release his finger, his phone rings, buzzing quickly across the table as the sound plays through the speakers. 

“God fucking damnit!” he growls, “What the fuck!”

“Take it Jake, it’s fine, just– answer and they’ll leave you alone.” you urge, looking to the black phone skittering across the table. 

“No, fuck no.” he snaps, his hips emphasizing his point. “I’m busy,”

The buzzing stops, and he looks back to you, letting his hand drift down to your chest. He rolls your nipple between his fingers, letting his lips meet yours. His kiss is wet, and desperate, his hips starting to falter as they move in messy strokes above you. 

You can tell he needs to cum, his body racing closer and closer with every half hard stroke of his dick. You can also tell he is fighting it, his face is red, and his hairline sweaty. You know it will be seconds, if that, until he is tumbling into his release.

His eyes flick to yours in panic, an almost apologetic look on his face as he breathes, “Baby, I’m, fuck—”

As if right on cue, his phone starts to buzz, the ringtone blaring through the speakers as his hips stutter, slamming into you again as he looks at his phone on the table. His head snaps back to you, sucking in a deep breath of panic as his hips stop, his cock twitching inside you as he fills the condom with a guttural moan. 

The fucked out look that takes over his face is like nothing you’ve ever seen. Reminiscent of a Renaissance painting, the features of his face twist into such a blissful expression that he almost looks like he’s in pain. He’s beautiful, there is absolutely no doubt about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that he just came, way, way too soon. 

You are in shock as you lay beneath his panting body, feeling him grow soft inside you once again. He pushes up to his hands nearly instantly, his face riddled with remorse as he realizes what exactly just happened. “Y/N–”

His phone buzzes again, for what has to be the sixtieth time in the last five minutes, a snap of anger washing through you. “Are you going to fucking get that?”

He mumbles a curse under his breath as he pulls out of you, the condom full as he looks at it in shame. He covers himself with his hand as he snatches the phone off of the nightstand and makes his way to the bathroom. You can feel the embarrassment swirling through the air as you hear the sink in the bathroom turn on. 

You grab the sheet at your feet and pull it up over your naked, unsatisfied body, trying to wrap your head around what exactly just happened. You try to catch your breath, the sound of your breathing filling the room but quickly drowned out by Jake’s phone ringing. This time though, he answers. 

“Hello?!” he shouts, his anger apparent. “Yeah I’ve seen him fucking calling, I have been busy goddamnit!” 

You hear the sink turn off and the toilet flush, followed by the sound of his footsteps walking back into the room. “Yes, I will call him, Jesus Christ, don’t ever blow my shit up like that again,” he snaps, ending the call. He pauses as he walks, a hand towel in his grip as he taps his phone screen.

You hear another call ringing out, but this time he's the one doing the calling. He walks over to you with the phone on speaker phone, a look of sadness on his face as he slowly approaches the edge of the bed. He sits next to you and reaches for your hand just as the person answers. 

“Hey, man, been trying to call you.” the man's voice says, a tone of urgency present.

“Yeah, sorry about that, I was caught up for a second. What’s up, what’s going on?” Jake answers, rubbing his hand along your arm. 

He turns to look at you mouthing ‘guitar tech’ as he hands you the damp towel. You make quick work of it, wiping yourself off but knowing you’ll be taking a shower as soon as possible. You throw it across the room as he snickers, waiting for Johnny to answer.

“Listen man, I’m at the venue, trucks just arrived and we are doing load out. One of the stage left Marshall cabinets split in transit. Wiring harness is fucked. Amp is…the amp is not looking good man.”

You see Jake stiffen, “What?” 

“Huge gash in the backside, must have fallen or something, I tried to fuck with the wiring as best as I could, it’s not getting any signal right now, man.”

“Holy fuck,” he groans, standing quickly from the bed and gripping into his hair. “No signal? Did you try a direct line in?”

You cut your eyes wondering how he managed to sober up so quickly in the last three minutes.

“Yeah, even DI there’s no signal, just static. Powers’ on, but she’s DOA. Gonna have Mark take a look at it too, but I don’t have high hopes,” he continues. 

“Is there anything we can do? How the fuck are we supposed to get a replacement amp and cabinet by tomorrow?” Jake asks, his voice laced with panic. 

“We can make some calls, I know a guy with some leads. What are the chances of you coming down here to take a look at it? Maybe I’m completely missing something, man. Hoping it's a quick fix. Need your signature for the insurance waiver, too.”

“Can it wait until morning?” he asks, a pained look on his face. 

“Probably shouldn’t, especially if we are looking for a replacement locally.”

He turns to look at you, and you can tell he is conflicted. You bite your lips together and nod your head. This is his job after all. 

He runs a hand over his face, letting out a sigh, “Yeah, yeah, I um– I can be there in a bit. I just need to wrap something up here, and I’ll be there. See if you can get in touch with Hamstead, I’m sure they have a loaner we could use for tomorrow at the very least.”

“Will do man, hey sorry about this, I don’t know what happened, maybe it wasn't strapped down or–”

Jake is quick to cut him off, “It’s fine, not your fault. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yep, see you then,” he says, ending the call. 

He tosses his phone on the nightstand before dropping his head into his hands. “This night has been…”

He turns to look at you, letting out a sigh, “I don’t know what the fuck it’s been, fuck, I just…”

You can tell he is flustered, he can hardly form a sentence. “Listen, I get it. It’s fine, just go do what you need to do. It’s okay, really.”

He nods as he stands up from the bed, walking around the front to start grabbing for his clothes. He doesn’t say much as he dresses, and he will hardly look at you. You don’t really know why, but you can imagine he is feeling a little bad about himself and his performance at the moment. You still haven't let yourself process what exactly happened with the two of you just now, but you will, soon. 

He re-buttons his shirt, pulling his hair up into a hair tie as he lets out a sigh, “Look, I’m sorry about this. I really am, this is the absolute very last thing I want to do right now, especially after… that. But I have to, and I don’t want you to think that I want to because–”

“Jake. I get it. Just go, it’s fine,” you say calmly, hoping he will believe you. 

He grabs his phone and his wallet and shoves them into his pants pocket, kneeling on the bed towards you. He leans in to kiss you, but his lips don’t land on yours, instead missing your mouth completely. A new rush of secondhand embarrassment washes through you, and right now you think him leaving is probably the best thing he could do. 

He curses himself as he stands up shaking his head in defeat as he swallows back his embarrassment. He walks towards the door with a hand in his pocket, turning to you just before stepping out,  “I’ll uh…I’ll text you, I guess, I don’t know, fuck. Have a good night, Y/N.”

The door slams behind him and suddenly the room is silent. No heavy breathing, no pitchy moans, and no ringing phones. Just pure silence. 

You stare at the wall for a full five minutes, the muted TV flashing colors against your skin. You can’t conjure a thought. Not a single one. Nothing other than what the fuck was that?

You want to call Ruth. You want to call her and tell her everything, but you also don’t even know what you would say. Something like ‘Hey Ruth, just had the worst two minutes of sex of my life? Oh did I mention he was barely hard? And I couldn’t get him hard? And that his phone rang the entire time? And that he came in two minutes? And I didn’t finish at all? And then he had to leave as soon as he finished? And now I’m sitting alone and naked in my hotel room?’  Yeah, you needed to sit on this one for a minute. Your eyes catch sight of the flower laying on the dresser, now looking a little bit limp and lifeless but still beautiful no less. You feel a pang run through your chest, tearing your eyes away from it so as not to taint that moment earlier with this one. 

You rip the sheets from your body and make your way to the bathroom, turning the shower on as hot as it will go before stepping inside. You let the steaming hot water clear your mind and ease your tense muscles, washing away the scent of his cologne that is lingering on your skin. 

You wrack your brain for answers, though you can hardly come up with anything that makes sense. There’s just no fucking way he is actually terrible in bed. We had so much chemistry, the electricity between us was nearly electrocuting you. He felt so good last night. We were so in sync last night. This had to be a fluke, right? You’ve seen him with his guitar on stage, where was that?!

You lather your skin in your body wash, rinsing away the remaining evidence that this night ever happened. After the best afternoon with him, why was he so off tonight? He barely seemed like himself. Maybe he really did have too much to drink. 

You tried to put yourself in his shoes. If the roles were reversed and it was your phone blowing up like that, you probably would have been a little distant too. But that didn’t explain why he couldn’t stay hard. That was a mystery to you, and you really hoped to god it was the beers and not you. You know he was so much harder last night, you know he was. You felt it. So what happened between last night and tonight? 

Something. You knew that much. 

You turn off the water and wrap yourself in a towel, letting your mind wander with possibilities, trying to convince yourself that what he showed you tonight was not who he really was. You sat back down on the bed you just shared with him, thinking back to that few seconds where things were good. And it was good, it felt good, he felt good. There was no denying those few seconds. But the rest of it, well, that was still up for debate. 

You grab your phone and tap the screen, the display reading 1:02AM. There are no texts from Jake, though you didn’t really know what you expected him to say.

From the little you know about him, when he left here tonight the confidence he naturally exudes was gone, not even in the same building. You knew he would reach out, but only when he was ready and knew what to say. But until then… 

You toss your phone on the bed next to you, quickly changing into a clean pair of pajamas and curling back up into the bed. You lay there staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how you are going to handle things tomorrow. You would be with him the entire day, and you didn’t want to make him feel worse than he likely already did. 

You go back and forth with yourself until you land on something sturdy: You won’t say anything, you won’t do anything. You’ll act completely normal. The same as you have for the last few days. You decide to tear this page from the book and move forward. This never happened. 

Deep down you know there was something holding him back from being fully present with you tonight, but what that is you’ve yet to discover.

—

JAKE POV

The early morning finds you facedown on your bed, still fully clothed, one boot kicked off into the floor, the other still completely on your foot. The sun is far from being up, and you’re thankful that you still have a few hours before its rays beat in through your window. The bustle of the awakening city is loud on the streets below you, and you find yourself wanting nothing more than to stay in this exact position for the rest of the day. For the rest of your life, actually. Maybe, if you bury yourself under these blankets and pillows, everyone will forget about you. Isla will forget about you. Y/N will forget about you, about everything, about last night. It will be like it never even happened. It will be like the most amazing buildup to what could have been a night of pure electricity didn’t take an absolute nose dive into one of the most embarrassing things to have ever happened to you. You’d take tripping on stage a million times over this. Pure. Humiliation.

Yeah, right here, in this bed. Under the pillows. They can’t find you here. 

What the fuck even happened?! Whiskey dick was an understatement. It didn’t even begin to explain what you…experienced. Unable to perform for the most beautiful new thing that has happened to you. Everything was perfect, she was perfect… her confidence was enamoring, her head was off the charts good, and fuck, for the few seconds you had things actually going, it was pure ecstasy. She was soaked for you. Her sounds, her face… fuck. It all came flooding back to your brain, even the way she smelled still stuck in your mind. She wanted you, just as badly as you wanted her. Just the thought of it had you standing at attention all over again, at full force this time, though. And you’d let her down. 

You sit up and roll yourself over. “Where the fuck were you last night, huh? Let me the fuck down!” you audibly yell at what was happening in your still-belted jeans. You force your face back into the comforter, realizing now that a horrific hangover is on the horizon. Your head is busting in two already, not like you already didn’t feel like shit on a boot.

Staying here, under the pillows until sound check. Right here. Not moving. Hiding. 

You know that’s not realistic, though. You contemplate texting her, but what the fuck do you even say? You couldn’t even satisfy her, and ended up satisfying yourself, way too fucking soon. What had you lasted, two minutes? Three max? Like a fucking 16 year old kid. God, what a fucking tool. She probably thinks you’re a horrible lay. You know you’re better than that. 

You groan hard into the sheets below you, feeling the metallic taste of a hangover in your mouth. You need a gallon each of water, orange juice, and black coffee, stat. And probably like, nine pieces of the butteriest toast you can find. And probably a shower, yes, a shower. And a straightjacket, for how absolutely insane you feel. 

Damnit, the amp. Luckily, the rental was in the works of being en route last night, so you feel just a little bit better about that, at least. It won’t be your baby, but it will sound okay. 

You roll and find your almost-dead phone underneath your chest, blinking your eyes as the screen brightens. Nothing. Not even Isla. Good. No one wants you. You can stay here, hidden in your burrow, until you absolutely can’t anymore. 

You’ve gotta say something, anything to her, to start this process that you want to stay millions of miles away from. But the first step to healing is admission, so you go ahead and take it. 

You

5:31AM: I’m sorry. 

You watch as the message is delivered to her, seeing the string of foreplay texts and her photo still sitting in the chat. She’s so gorgeous, how could you have fucked up this badly? Your first chance to show her how you feel and you fumble this hard?

Though there were many factors playing into it, at the very deepest darkest part of your mind, you know why. You know exactly why. Guilt isn’t an emotion you let yourself feel very often, and this morning, you find yourself grasped in the wrath of it. The double-edged sword of your current situation with two separate women is proving to be more intertwined than you’d anticipated, or even foresaw. What you want is clear, though. And you’re determined to get a second chance, no matter how rocky and uncomfortable the road to that chance may be. 

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[gretavanmoon]

How's everyone liking our newest love child? ;)

The Ripe and The Ruin - (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader, OC x Reader

Word Count: 15.7k

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Smoking, Angst, Anxiety, Embarrassment, Lying, Sexual Themes, Kissing, Touching.

Find the Playlist Here: Apple Music | Spotify

A new series in collaboration with my talented co-writer @gretavanmoon.

"Like all good fruit, the balance of life is in the ripe and ruin."

JAKE POV

“Did you hear me, Jake?”

Your head snaps to the side, your mind refocusing on the conversation being had around you. Josh stares at you with a questioning look on his face, his arms crossed against his chest. 

“What? Yeah,” you lie, “That sounds fine.”

“You’re not even listening to me. I asked if you knew what time the van was supposed to be here... What’s up with you? Where are you this morning?” he asks, his tone a little more defensive than usual. 

“Huh?” Your eyes flick back to the elevator, your heart beating a little faster than usual as the caffeine starts to swirl around in your bloodstream. You know that any second Y/N is going to step off that elevator and join the rest of you in the lobby. 

You can’t seem to shake the kiss from your mind, falling asleep last night playing it over and over in your head. The way her lips felt, soft and warm and so pink. You aren’t really sure why you decided to do it. You weren’t going to, but you’re glad you did. You’d thought of nothing else since, and after the little exchange you had after the fact, you were feeling something that you didn’t feel too often, if ever. Nervous. 

You didn’t even know what you were going to say to her today. What do you say after something like that? Should you say anything at all? You know you pushed a professional boundary last night, on the very first night no less. She is your employee, and you are her boss and those two things typically don’t mix well. But you felt something, something you haven’t felt in a long time, and you are certain she must have felt it too. 

You look back to Josh, suddenly realizing that if you’re feeling nervous, he’s going to pick up on it. You try to compose yourself, adjusting your jacket on your shoulders and your sunglasses on your nose before turning your full attention back to him. 

“Sorry, just jet lag. I think it’s supposed to be here at 10:00,” you pause, glancing at your watch. “It’s 9:56 right now.”

“Since when do you wear a fuckin’ wrist watch? Are you eighty-five?” he quips, huffing a laugh. 

You suck your teeth at him, raising a brow. “Since now, fuck you.”

He changes the subject, turning to Sam and Daniel just as the elevator chimes and the doors start to open. Your heart is beating erratically at this point, and you curse yourself for it. You should not be feeling like this. It was one kiss, Jake. It didn’t even mean anything. It was for show.

Right?

You swallow nervously, licking your lips as people start to step out of the elevator. You try to look like you’re engaged in the conversation happening in front of you, but you’re not. She won’t know that though. Your eyes are fixed on the elevator, waiting for your first glimpse of her this morning. She’s one of the very last to step out, her hair hanging in her face as she focuses on her phone. You hear Paul call her name, waving her over towards him and Wes with paperwork in hand. 

She looks up just long enough to spot them, returning her gaze to her phone to finish up whatever it is she’s doing. She steps up to them, just out of your immediate sight, but you can still hear them talking as they greet her. Out of the corner of your eye you see Paul hand her the piece of paper he was waving, telling her that the venue has the official hospitality rider, but that the highlighted items needed to be picked up and brought to the venue by her. A chill runs up your spine. What did you request? Why can’t you remember what you asked for? Fuck. 

She turns her head as Wes and Paul continue to talk. You can feel her eyes on you, burning into the side of your head as Josh drones on about German water quality. You want to look at her, in fact, you’re dying to see that same pink blush that colored her cheeks last night, but you don’t turn your head. You force yourself to pretend she isn’t even there. You stare off into the distance, letting your mind wander, the noise around you turning into a hum. 

“Jake…” Josh shouts, snapping his fingers in front of your face, “Hello? Are you braindead suddenly?”

“Fuck, sorry. What…” you growl, refocusing again. 

“Get with it man, I said the van is here. Let’s go,” he answers, nodding towards the door as he follows the rest of the crew outside. 

You walk with your hands in your pockets, letting your thumb nail glide over each fingertip in an attempt to bring you back down to earth. You need to get your head right. Snap out of it. You fall to the back of the group, waiting for everyone to load into the two black vans, ready to take you to your venue for the evening. Before you could stop yourself you were looking over your shoulder for her, catching her eyes for the briefest moment before looking away. Fuck, she’s so pretty.

“You want the window?” Josh asks, elbowing your arm. 

“Huh? Yeah that’s fine…” you answer blankly, your mind still flooded with the image of her. As you turn back to Josh you see his focus change, locking in on Y/N as she steps up to the two of you. The very last thing you expected. 

“Hi, good morning, feeling any better?” she asks. You look to her, then to Josh, remembering he sent her out for medicine last night. You're completely frozen in place as the two of them speak, and you’re sure your face is showing exactly what you’re feeling. Panic.

Josh looks at you for a second, then back to Y/N, very obviously picking up on the nerves pulsing through you as he snickers. “Yes…I…am…Thank you again for doing that last night. I appreciate it.”

You can smell her perfume as it dances through the air, the same sweet floral smell from the plane yesterday. You can’t help but to turn your head and look at her, your eyes drifting to the column of her neck where you know the smell is even stronger. You imagine the way it would feel to kiss her there. The taste of her skin. The sounds she would make. The feeling of her rapid pulse beneath your lips…

Shit. No. 

“No problem at all, Josh. Let me know if I can grab you anything else,” she smiles, “I’m off to the market!”

She looks at you for just a second waiting to see if you’re going to say anything, but you don’t, instead offering her a curt smile and nodding your head. Smooth. Really nice, Jake.  

She walks away, heading towards the second van with Wes and the rest of management and you feel a wave of relief wash through. You had a little more time to get your head right before you talked to her. You let out a breath, your eyes flicking over to Josh who is looking at you with a knowing look on his face. You shake your head and walk away, ready to load into the van with your backpack slung over your shoulder. Your heart is beating fairly hard and you haven't even spoken to her. Why is she having this effect on you?

You settle on the bench seat, Josh and Ty sliding in next to you. You place your backpack between your legs and pull your phone from your coat pocket, pretending to busy yourself to avoid the conversation you already know is coming.

The app isn’t even open yet before Josh starts to speak, “Alright let’s hear it, Jake. ”

You know there’s no use in pretending to be busy, he won’t stop until you answer him. You lock your phone and slide it back into your pocket letting out an aggravated sigh. 

“Hear what, Josh? Why do you already want to start this morning, huh? Can’t I have a moment of peace?”

“Oh please, I could feel your fucking heart pounding like it was in my own chest!” He tilts his head to the side in an attempt to force the truth out of you. He knows he's got you cornered and he wants you to admit it. 

You tilt your head mimicking him, giving him a look he knows well. You nod your head, silently telling him that you’ll talk later. Now is not the time or place for any of it.

He stares at you blankly for a second, finally relenting as he turns back towards Ty. Safe for now. You needed to figure this out, quick.

You ride to the venue, listening to everyone’s conversations but offering very little to them. You scroll through your phone, trying your best to keep to yourself, but perking your head up as Josh grabs your attention. 

“That reminds me, I talked to Paul. He said it’s going to take a week or so to get more security over here. Corri said she applied for the work visas this morning. Should have some guys over here in less than a week at the latest.”

“Good. Could’ve used someone last night,” you grumble, immediately regretting even letting the words slip from your mouth. 

Josh’s head snaps over to you, a serious look in his eyes. “What do you mean? At the airport?”

You know you can’t lie. He will know immediately. “No, um– Just after we checked in. It’s nothing.”

“Last I talked to you, you were ordering room service and going to bed?” he asks, genuinely confused. Fuck, fuck, figure it out Jake.

“Yeah, I did, just— A little thing late last night. Everything ended up being fine. Isolated incident. We’ve got more security coming, it's all good,” you say, hoping he won’t press you on it any further, but as he looks at you with a threatening scowl you know you’ll be recounting every last detail before the day is through.

—

Show days always bring along chaotic mornings that slowly mold into semi-peaceful afternoons, filled with warming your fingers up and psyching your mind up to perform. The four of you always try to keep show days generally the same, with giving yourselves a little bit of downtime before you have to arrive back at the venue after sound check. Today though, the day of the very first show, has already made your head feel like it is going to spin right off your neck. You can feel Josh’s prying eyes watching your every move, waiting for the opportune moment to jump down your throat again. 

“Gonna go grab something to drink from the green room, you guys want anything?” Sam asks you and Josh as you fumble around with the wireless mechanisms on your guitar. 

“Nah, I’ll get something in a minute,” you reply, watching as he and Danny descend the stairs off the stage and disappear out of sight. 

Of course, within seconds your twin is inches from your face, somehow making himself seem bigger than you. “Alright, you gonna tell me about this little incident last night? Or am I gonna have to force it out of you?” he presses, and you know damn well that if you don’t give him just the tiniest bit of explanation, he won’t let up. “Wouldn’t have happened to involve our new runner, would it?”

You sigh a heavy sigh, readjusting the blue-tinted glasses sitting on your nose. “Can you lay the fuck off for like two seconds? Jesus Christ…” you back away, anxiously rubbing your hand over your mouth as you try to think of what to even say. 

“Don’t avoid the question, asshole. Tell me now. While everyone’s gone,” he goes on, closing in on you again. 

You bite your cheeks in, still contemplating. You stay silent, instead strumming a single chord on your guitar in response to him. You hear it echo across the empty venue, smirking to yourself. Sounds perfect.

“Fuck you. Always doing that shit when you’re trying to avoid me. Drowning me out with your loud ass amps… alright. Fine,” Josh readjusts the hat on his head and stomps away across the stage. “If you won’t tell me, I’ll just go ask her.”

All the blood quickly drains from your body. “Okay, okay, fuck. Come here,” you hold your hand up and signal him back, because you know for a fact he actually would have gone and found her. You stretch the muscles in your neck, rolling your shoulder beneath your guitar strap. 

“Y/N went out to a pub last night to get something to eat and have a drink, there was some creep there trying to take her home, wouldn’t let up. She didn’t tell Dean where she was going because it was so late, and she remembered I had… She had my number, so she asked me to come and walk her back to the hotel. That’s it.”

Josh eyes you with his lips pursed closed, trying to get a read if there was anything you were leaving out. He’s gonna know, of course he’s gonna know…

“...That’s it?”

“That’s it,” you concede. “It happened really fast and the place was just around the corner from the hotel. I made it there in like two minutes. Guy was being a complete asshole to her,” you shake your head in disgust at the memory. 

Josh crosses his arms across his chest as he exhales, squinting his eyes. “Mmh, so you played hero, huh? I think there’s more to the story than your little rescue mission… but. So she just happened to have your phone number, and no one else’s? Like Paul’s perhaps?” You really need him to quit with the attitude. 

“We sat together on the plane for like, a hundred hours, Josh. Yes. She has my phone number because we were talking about her job duties. She will get the rest of yours eventually, I’m sure. I was just first. Fuck…” you begin to wave him off as you start to feel overwhelmed with his twenty questions. 

Luckily, Sam and Danny are coming back onto the stage now, the pounding of Danny’s repetitive kick drum drowning out the sound of Josh’s persistence. 

Josh’s eyes are squinting at you again as he takes the microphone in his right hand, turning away from it just enough for you to hear him. “I’ll get to the bottom of this. As a wise man once said, it’s very interesting…”

—

HER POV

Your legs carry you quickly through the winding halls to the green room. You can barely see over the brown paper bags in your hands, loaded full to the top with the items on your list this morning. It was a little more difficult of a task than you anticipated, but the translator app on your phone proved to be your best friend. You knew you had to be quick and you did your best, hoping that the items you found would suffice. 

You push the door open with your foot, looking for the empty table where the items needed to be set up. You saw a few things that the venue provided sitting on a mostly empty wooden table, and knew that’s where you needed to set up. You plop the heavy paper bags down, smiling as you notice a few drinks have already been scavenged. 

You begin pulling things from the bags, setting up the fruit and vegetable trays, and starting to place a variety of drinks into an ice bucket. You pull the paper list from your back pocket, making sure you have everything out for each guy and that you didn’t miss anything in your hurried state. As you make your way down the list you hear the door swing open and a rumble of voices enter the room. 

You turn to find Josh stepping into the room with Jake flanking him as they talk. Your breath instantly catches in your chest as you make eye contact with Jake through his tinted sunglasses. His hair is a little more wavy today, curling up at the ends and resting just below his shoulders. It looks soft and you know it probably smells good as it flies through the air as he walks. His black button up is hanging loosely on his body, a sliver of his chest visible, but you tear your eyes away from him and turn back to your task. You’re at work. 

“There she is! How’s it going, Y/N? Things goin’ your way this morning?” Josh asks, walking over towards you with a smile. 

It strikes you as strange, his over friendly greeting, especially when you’d talked more to Jake than to him and Jake hadn’t even said hello to you today. You shake off the feeling and return the sentiment, turning to face the both of them. 

“Hi guys! Everything is good I think! Just getting all of this set up for you, sorry it took me so long. I was struggling with the German labels,” you smile, letting your eyes flick over to Jake. He’s standing quietly behind Josh, not saying much but listening intently, eyes locked in on you. 

“Oh, no you’re fine, no rush at all. We’ve got hours until we go on,” he pauses, turning to Jake then back to you. “I heard about the little incident at the bar last night. Glad everything turned out okay for you, but just wanted you to know we’ve got some more security coming this week. Should have someone that can head out with you from now on,” Josh finishes, nodding his head. His phone starts to ring before you can respond and he quickly pulls it from his pocket, glancing down at the screen with a sly smile.

“Ahh, it’s Ty, I gotta take this. I’ll be back. Thanks for this, Y/N. Looks great!” he says, swiping a water bottle from the table and making his way out of the room as he answers the call. 

You realize quickly that Jake did not follow him and is standing with his hands in his pockets eyeing the table behind you. Your mouth feels dry, any words you thought you would say suddenly stuck in your throat. You turn around and busy your hands trying to think of anything you can say that won’t sound stupid. 

Your heart is pounding rapidly as you feel him moving towards you, taking the place next to you as he taps his fingers across the wooden table. He doesn’t say anything, but you can tell he is struggling in the same way you are. The tension between you is almost tangible.

You reach into the paper bag, pulling the box of beers from the bottom and setting them on the table. You knew this had to be his request, the rider stating that a case of local craft beer was required. 

You push the box in front of him, looking at him as it slides across the table. “This was what was recommended for local beer. Was the best I could find, I didn’t know if you liked light beer or dark beer, so I guessed. The cashier couldn’t have been a day over nineteen, so I didn’t exactly trust his opinion, but–” 

You watch his face shift into a smile, a dimple popping out on his cheek as he nods through a laugh, “This looks great, really.”

“Again, I couldn’t read anything in German, and the translator was really no help on this one,” you smile, feeling the tension between you starting to melt away. 

He opens the box, pulling out the amber colored bottle and bringing it close to his face. He looks at it for a few seconds, attempting to read the label himself before finally shrugging his shoulders. “No clue what that says, but looks perfect. Thank you, Y/N.”

You feel yourself blushing at the sound of your name leaving his lips, and you hope he can’t see the heat spreading across your cheeks. He picks up the bottle and places the lid on the edge of the table, hitting it with his fist with just enough pressure to pop off the lid. It skitters across the table as he brings the bottle to his lips, taking a long pull of what you now see is a light beer. 

“S’perfect,” he says, swallowing it down.. “You uh, you wanna try it?”

You feel a flash of panic wash over you. You can’t, right?

“I don’t think I can? Right? I’m at work. And I have like a thousand things to do,” you stammer, dying to say yes. 

“S’just me, I won’t tell if you don’t,” he offers, peering at you above the frames of his sunglasses. You can see his brown eyes staring into yours, and you feel your insides melting into putty. You know you need to change the subject, and quick. 

You quickly decide to decline the beer, knowing that you need every single ounce of clearheadedness for the evening you are about to endure. “Are you guys done already? That seemed… quick,” you pose, trying to turn your attention back to your duties to fill the awkward silence. 

“Uh no, not quite, they’re just working with Josh right now,” he answers, stuffing his free hand in his pocket and taking another swig of his beer. 

“Ah,” you reply, slotting a strand of hair behind your ear as the awkwardness continues to grow. You know he’s just being nice, but you wished to god he would just go somewhere else to save you both the anxiety of acknowledging the elephant in the room. Alright. Get it together, Y/N. You’re both adults, just speak your piece and get it over with. You take a quick breath, preparing yourself. “So, what version of the story did Josh get?”

Jake nearly spits out his beer as your words hit him. “What? What story?” he asks, wiping the dribble of beer off his chin. 

“I know you told him about last night, he’s being so overly nice to me it almost seems fake. He’s buttering me up, isn’t he?” you say, a bit of bite in your tone. Truly, you wonder exactly what Jake told him, and if it was the same story you remember.

Jake sucks his teeth as he looks away from you. “A very condensed one. Don’t worry.” His words are blunt and pointed. 

“Okay… so he doesn’t know about… ya know…” you dance around the word, you don’t even dare even say it. 

“No,” he cuts you off. “No. I didn’t go into that much detail. It… it didn’t even matter anyway, right?”

…It didn’t matter? 

It didn’t matter. Oh. 

“Right. No. Didn’t matter at all,” you agree, feeling the knife turning in your chest. “We had to do what we had to do to get out of there.”

“Yeah, was nothing.”

Nothing?

It’s quiet and awkward again as you try to brush off your feelings, suppressing the memory of the feeling of his lips on yours, his hands on your waist, his body pressing up against yours…

You’ve kissed a lot of people in your life, and you’re mature enough to know the difference between when someone wants to kiss you, and when someone just…is kissing you. And though you hate to admit it to yourself, Jake wanted to kiss you. There was no doubt about it. Chemistry is tangible. And the tension that formed between you last night during those few short seconds was nothing short of it. Pure chemistry. Ease. Like it was natural. And you weren’t too dumb to realize it.

But… apparently he was. 

Suddenly you hear the sound of the bass strumming out into the air, signaling that it was time to get things going again. 

“Right. But uh, sounds like I gotta um, get back out there. So… thanks for um, thanks for the beers,” Jake backpedals and turns away toward the door as you return to your duties, busying your mind and hands again. Fuck, that couldn’t have gone any worse. 

You watch as he slams his body into the metal exit door, but stopping short when it doesn’t budge. He pushes on it again, but it stands firm. You watch him struggle for just a few seconds before you decide to help him out. 

“Pull, Jake,” you say, stifling a laugh. 

He yanks on the handle, the door flying open before him. “Oh, yeah. Got it.”

You can see the pink rise to his cheeks as he makes his quick exit, and the laugh you were stifling finally busts through. You’d managed to get Jake Kiszka flustered. 

The sounds of the whole band echo down the hall, and you know you have a few free minutes to yourself, without the risk of one of them barging in again. Your mind drifts into autopilot as you finish setting up, replaying the last few minutes over and over in your head. 

1. Josh knows. Well, Josh knows something.

2. The kiss… apparently it didn’t mean anything to Jake. Just a careless action to get the weird man off your back. Of course it didn’t mean anything to him. He’s a famous rock star, he probably kisses girls all the time… right? And makes playlists for them. And adds his favorite songs to them just so they can listen along. And tells them that he fully intends to kiss them again. Right?

3. He was flustered leaving through that door just now. He fumbled. He blushed. People that don’t care don’t blush. That’s just basic science. 

Everything is overwhelming your thoughts; you need assistance, and you need it now. You take one last look at the table in front of you, deciding that it is to your liking before dashing out the door to the back exit. You pull your phone from your pocket and bring up Ruth’s contact, hearing it ring out just a couple of times before her voice is yelling your name on the other end. 

“Shit, about time! I’ve been fucking dying over here!” she shouts into your ear, her voice full of excitement and rush. “I’ve been scrolling their instagrams and TikToks and shit all. Fucking. Day, Y/N. When were you gonna tell me they’re all hot as fuck, huh? And they’re brothers?! Like real life brothers, except the one, right? But they were kids when they met?! Why is that so cute? Imagine having that much talent in one household. Shit, in one town! I bet their parents were exhausted like, always. And their MUSIC… hello? The guitarist is mindblowing, dude. And you kissed that man? On the lips?! Like full on contact, right? Was there tongue? Did he get into it? Where were you? I need to know all of these things in massive detail stat, bitch.” Ruth is absolutely rambling, and you know if you don’t cut her off soon, you will never get a chance to speak at all. 

“Yes, Ruthie, I kissed the hot guitarist,” you confirm quietly, glancing around to be sure you’re alone. “No, not really any tongue. We were in a restaurant, and the vibe was kinda strange, so. It didn’t last long, but god, it was hot…” you trail off, reminiscing for just a second. You’re truly unable to get the feeling of his lips out of your head. “Yes, three brothers, two twins, one honorary brother that might as well be. I haven’t gotten a chance to truly get to know them all yet, so my details are skimpy. But listen, I’m trying to stay professional, okay–”

“Hun, if you’re lip-locking with that brown-eyed man on the first day you are wayyyyyyy past professional, I’m just saying,” she wails into a condescending laugh. 

“No I’m fucking not!” you yell back, fully prepared to tell her exactly why it was warranted. “Listen, here’s what happened…” you do as she says, and go into grave detail about the events on the plane, and in the restaurant, and the sweet additions to the playlist when you got back to your hotel room. You spared no detail because if Ruth is good at anything, it’s collecting specifics and cataloging them away, only to one day effortlessly put them all together into one big beautiful puzzle laid out for you on a shining silver platter. She has a knack for thinking of things realistically rather than living in a fairy tale, and you’re thankful for it. She keeps your sometimes wandering thoughts in check. 

“Shit, babe… what are you gonna do?” her voice was calmed now that you’ve caught her up. 

“I don’t know, everything is just… happening really fast.” The early evening breeze blows your hair, and you can hear the distant chatter of their fans lined up and camping just around the corner of the building. It’s almost showtime. 

“I know what’s gonna happen,” Ruth states matter of factly. “He’s gonna add another song soon, you watch.”

“You think? He left things kind of… awkward just now, I really don’t think that he meant what he said last night, he was just caught up in–”

“Y/N, he wouldn’t say he fully intends to kiss you after you tell him to Do It Again… men lie but that seems… I dunno…” she goes on. “Just, don’t make me wait so long between now and the next thing, okay? I know you’re busy kicking ass but please keep me informed…” she begs. 

“I will babe. I actually think it’s time for me to go. I promise I will text you tonight, okay?”

“I’ll be staring at my phone. Good luck,” she replies, and you end the call with a quiet goodbye. 

—

You take special care wrapping the steaming hot tea bag around the spoon, squeezing out the water before tossing it in the trash. Your eyes scan the table for the Whiskey, pouring in a shot or so to mix with the honey at the bottom. Josh’s instructions were very clear and you have made sure to follow them exactly, not wanting to miss a single step. You stir up the boiling hot drink and push it to the side, ready to start on Danny’s. You grab the metal cup and add a scoop of ice, your eyes searching for the bottle of Tequila. 

You feel your phone buzz in your back pocket as you pour the tequila into the cup, topping it off with soda water. You pull your phone out as you wait for the fizz to subside, but the sight on the screen steals away your focus. 

‘Jake Added A Song to Your Shared Playlist: 🐥’

Oh my god Ruth was right.

You quickly swipe open the notification with shaking hands, waiting as the shitty venue wi-fi tries to load the playlist. Isn’t he getting dressed right now? Isn’t he busy? Why is he doing this?

It finally loads and you scroll to the bottom, laughing to yourself as you see the song he added two minutes ago, ‘Back In Black’ by AC/DC. You know the song well, but much like you did last night, you search your mind for what he is trying to say. You think on the lyrics, nothing really sticking out to you in regards to the situation the two of you have found yourself in, but you press play anyway, listening to the familiar and catchy intro. It has to mean something, right? You nod your head along with the song as you finish making everyone’s drinks, blushing to yourself as you realize that he was thinking about you. 

Should you reply? Is there even a response to that? You don’t even really know what he is trying to say. You pick up your phone from the table and begin to search through your favorites, seeing if there is anything that could serve as a worthwhile reply but you’re quickly interrupted by the door being flung open and Paul grabbing your attention. 

“Two minutes ‘til stage, guys are walking,” he says, and just like that he disappears again. 

You shove your phone in your pocket and snatch up all the drinks, quickly following after him with your armful of drinks. Your heart starts to race, you can feel the adrenaline filling the building, the ground is rumbling with the sound of the intro music and the screams of anxious fans. 

You position yourself at the base of the stairs, knowing they will grab their drinks from you as they make their way onto the stage. The chaos and commotion backstage is overwhelming, and you find yourself starting to pick up on the nervous, frazzled energy. Sam is the first to spot you with an eager grin, plucking the grapefruit Topo Chico from your hand as he scurries across the stage to place it on his amp. Daniel is not far behind him, drumsticks in hand as he approaches you with a shy smile.

“One of those for me?” he asks playfully, reaching for his metal cup. 

“All yours! Have a good show!” you answer, watching him walk up the stairs and towards his kit. 

The lights are starting to dim, the music growing louder as the time draws closer. You don’t see Josh, or Jake for that matter, and you find it a little strange that there was no drink request for Jake, but you chalk it up to him likely not having time to drink much during the show. Suddenly Josh appears from the hallway, a vision in white satin, looking almost ethereal. He is frantically putting in his in-ears, and reaching for his mic, eyes locking on you as you hold out his tea towards him.

“Ahh, excellent, thank you so much, let’s have a good show, yeah?” he smiles, squeezing your shoulder as he bounds up the stairs to place his drink on Danny’s platform. You’re so caught up in watching Josh float around the stage in a cloud of white chiffon and crystals that you don’t notice that Jake is walking towards you. 

When you do turn around you find him only a few feet away, the stage lights catching the black beads of his suit coat, sparkling like onyx. The satin suit is fit to his body, leaving very little to the imagination. His jacket is open, his chest bare save for a few silver necklaces he seems to always be wearing. This is the most of him you’d seen at this point, and the definition of his chest and the lingering tan on his skin has you breaking out into a cold sweat. You swallow harshly as you see the eyeliner he has added to his waterline, and you feel yourself physically backing up to brace yourself on the stair rail behind you. Holy shit.

You find yourself wishing you had a drink for him, anything actually, just to have an excuse to talk to him. His guitar tech meets him as he walks, twisting the knob on his wireless receiver and handing Jake the vintage red Gibson. He tosses the strap over his shoulder, positioning it across his body and releasing his hair from beneath the strap. You watch him as he mouths a muffled ‘thank you’ to Johnny, giving him a grateful smile as he continues to walk.  

The stage lights behind you have shifted, and the music is coming to a close. He has to be on stage in seconds but it’s as if he is on his own time, moving so effortlessly through the dimly lit wing. The lights hit him just right and his eyes meet yours in a smug grin. Suddenly the song makes sense. His suit is completely custom, hand beaded, all black satin. Fucking hell, the cockiness of this man.

You expect him to climb the stairs to meet his brothers, but instead he steps up to you, resting his hand on the body of his guitar. “Nothing for me?” he asks, arching a brow and flashing you a sideways smile. 

“The– the list! There wasn’t anything on the list for you, I–”

The lights overhead are starting to flash, the crew calling for thirty seconds through the walkie-talkies. You glance around panicked that you clearly missed the memo on a drink for Jake. Fuck!

He smiles at you as he laughs, “I’m just kidding, I don’t put it on the list with theirs. I bring my own.”

“Well where is it?!” you ask, a hint of panic in your voice.

“Ah, I left it in the greenroom. Was a bit…busy with something else,” he says, trying to stifle a smile.

You can barely hear him, doing your best to read his lips over the shrill screaming coming from the crowd. He seems to sense this, leaning towards you and placing his hand on your shoulder. His lips brush against your ear as his fingertips press into your skin. You can feel his guitar pressed against your stomach, his fingers guarding the strings, “Do you know where my backpack is?” he asks, whispering into your ear. 

You shake your head, and truth be told the proximity of this man’s mouth to your body has you unable to even remember your own name, let alone where his backpack is. 

His fingers tap your shoulder as he holds it, pulling away his head just slightly to look at you. He licks his lips and leans back in, “It’s in the corner of the dressing room, by the couch. Go find it for me? My drink is in there.”

“Jake, stage left go,” the walkie calls out, and he pulls away again, giving you a smug smile.

You look at him, taking him in completely before he steps onto the stage. “Wait, Jake! Your in-ears! Where are your monitors?!” you shout in a panic.

He smiles and laughs as his hand squeezes your bicep, tilting his head down a little and letting his eyes peer into yours, “I don’t wear in-ears, baby.” 

He pulls away quickly, sprinting up the steps, looking over his shoulder at you one last time before disappearing out of view. Baby? Did he just call you baby? Your heart is pounding in your chest as you try to catch your breath. You feel frozen in place, only spinning your body enough to watch the four of them take their places on the platform at the back of the stage. Jake is on the very end, running a hand through his hair, just as the music stops and the curtain falls in front of them. The crowd screams violently as Josh starts to speak, nodding to Jake to kick things off. 

Danny jumps down off the platform and onto his kit, as Sam prances down the steps with his bass. The guitar sounds fill the venue as Jake starts to make his way down the shiny metallic steps. His eyes flick over to the side stage, catching yours for a moment as a smile lights up his face. You are in complete shock, surely this is not the man you kissed last night. The man that was stumbling over his words today, and pushing a pull door…? 

His hand lifts from the guitar for just a second as he motions a signal for ‘drink’ to you as if he’s holding an invisible cup to his lips. You quickly snap out of it when you remember his instructions. You tear yourself away, making your way back to the green room in search of his backpack. The room is quiet when you enter, empty, not a soul in sight. You can hear the rumble of the bass in your chest as your eyes scan the room for the black leather backpack, finally spotting it behind the couch. 

You walk over to it, crouching down in front of it and lifting the flap. You unzip the top finding it full to the brim. Your hands are shaking as you carefully sift through his things. His phone is on the very top of the pile, a black leather case with an embossed ‘JTK’ on the bottom right corner. Your heart flutters in your chest knowing that he adds the songs to your playlist from this very phone. You toss it aside, continuing to look through the bag, your fingers snagging on his tangled pile of headphones. You work quickly to untangle them, wrapping the cord around itself in a neat coil before dropping them back into the bag. Your hands find a change of clothes, a pair of black pants and a white t-shirt nestled under a pair of printed black boxers. Your breath catches as you realize what you’re touching but you try not to think too much of it. Find his drink. 

Your hands feel around at the very bottom of the bag, finding dozens of guitar picks, a capo, a few hair ties, what feels like maybe his wallet, a glasses case, and a passport book. Your fingers land on something glass, and you pull it from the bag, but quickly find out it’s not what you’re looking for. This is a bottle of cologne, fairly expensive from the looks of it. You look around the room before pulling off the small silver cap, and breathing in the scent you remember from last night. Fuck it smells so good. 

Put it away, Y/N. 

You push everything over to the other side of the bag, finally spotting what you were looking for front and center. You grab the neck of the wine bottle, pulling out the entirely full bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Interesting choice for him, but you guess you don’t really know too much about him just yet.

You quickly zip up his bag and rush over to the drink table, grabbing the metal chalice and filling it to the brim with his white wine. It sloshes over the edge a bit as you rush back out to the stage, doing your very best not to spill it in its entirety before it even makes it to him. 

You’re positively out of breath by the time you make it to the stairs, your hand dripping with the sticky wine as you watch Jake just stepping into a guitar solo. He walks across the front of the stage engaging with the crowd on the barricade, his fingers moving faster than lightning through a song you can honestly say you’ve never heard. You know you will get to know these songs very well over the next few months, and what better way to hear them than live. 

You peek around the curtain as you watch him crouch down, standing quickly to throw his head back, the faint echo of his voice as he yells to his guitar drifting to the side stage. His body is covered in sweat and his hair sticks to his neck as he catches sight of you with his drink. You hear a few people talking behind you but you can’t seem to care, or rip your eyes away from him. He is a completely different person on stage than the man you sat next to on the plane, and even in the bar last night, and to be quite honest, you didn’t know which version of him you wanted more. 

JAKE POV

The spotlight descends away from you as you finish out your solo, the crowd already going absolutely wild. It feels so good to be back here again, allowing yourself to get immersed in the feeling of the instrument in your hands and the effect it has on the people listening and watching. Sweat is already pouring from your face and chest, and you’re only three songs in. For a second, you’d completely forgotten that you’d sent Y/N on a mission for your drink. 

You hope she’s finding it, given you had kind of hidden the backpack behind a couch to stay out of plain sight. In the back of your mind, you quickly picture her picking through the bag stuffed with your things, and you smirk when you realize she probably is seeing a bit more into your personal life than she had anticipated, tonight. But for some reason, you don’t feel embarrassed by it. 

You back up toward your amps as Josh continues to sing, and you see her from the corner of your eye, standing side-stage with your chalice in hand. Oh, so she’s a good listener. Noted. 

Now that you aren’t at the center of attention, you realize you are a bit thirsty. The four of you finish out the song and the lights go down, and you take the opportunity to run to her to grab your drink. 

You haphazardly grab it as she hands it to you with utmost caution, handling it as if it were made of gold. 

“Shit!” You can’t help but laugh out loud, noticing that the rather large cup is filled all the way to the brim with your wine. You take a big gulp down to empty it a little. 

“Sorry, sorry careful, I didn’t know how much you wanted and I assumed you wouldn’t want refills!” she crams all her words together into one big sentence as you chuckle at her again. Damn, even in the dim lighting you can see how pretty she is. Your heart literally skips a beat as she finally meets your eyes. 

“S’okay, this is perfect. Thank you…” you whisper as you place a quick hand onto her waist, backing yourself away from her. Should you have touched her there? Maybe not, but it just happened. You make your way back over to set the cup down safely in a place you know it won’t spill. You make quick eye contact with Danny as he waits for you to cue him in to the next one, but his look is laced with something else, curiosity. He definitely saw your encounter. And he knows that you normally don’t place your hand ever-so-gently on your runner’s waists. Fuck fuck fuck. 

You return his prying eyes with an upturned chin, silently telling him to mind his own business. You finish out the show, feeling good again as you begin to show off just a little. You always show off, but for some reason, this time feels more important. You have someone to show off for. 

You glance to the side stage again and see that Y/N is standing with Ty, Mia, and Lyla as they watch the show. That feels strange, you think to yourself, seeing her grouped together with all your brothers’ significant others, getting along and talking closely. Your stomach churns at the thought of actually liking it. 

No, Jake. No. You know this isn’t right.

Twenty minutes later you find yourself waving goodbye to what was one hell of a crowd, and you join the other three as you descend the stairs to backstage. Your ears are ringing as you walk through the darkness toward the light of the hallway, realizing that she is the first person you see when you finally get there. She’s standing with Paul, listening to his instructions as she hands each of you a clean black towel. You’re last in line, and you grin a little as she tosses your towel to you instead of the gentle handoff she did for your brothers. 

The tiniest smile crosses her face as she keeps intent eye contact with Paul, taking in all of his words when you know her mind is racing with thoughts of you. Her face blushes with pink as you pass her. That wasn’t unnoticed, babe. 

You rush back to the green room to try and beat Danny to the shower, knowing that he is probably already stripped down and getting inside. When you find your prediction to be true, you decide to take off your jacket and kick back on the black leather couch to finish off your heavy-handed pour of wine. 

“You guys wanna go to this bar I found?” Josh proposes. 

“Bit dangerous right after a show, don’t you think?” Sam chimes as he hangs his satin jacket on the rolling rack. 

“This one is like, 6 blocks away and kind of hidden. Probably won’t be anyone there, I did some research.  Plus they have Fernet Branca. I need a few shots to keep this fuckin’ cold at bay,” Josh explains as Ty starts to help him remove the rhinestones from his face. 

“Bleugh, I don’t see how you drink that nasty shit,” Sam says with disgust. 

Josh scoffs at him. “Might be nasty, but it fucking works!”

You lean over the arm of the couch and retrieve your backpack, sifting through to find your clean change of clothes. You smile as you realize she more than likely saw your black boxers covered in flamingos. As you zip the bag back up, you notice your earbuds sitting at the bottom of the bag. They had been rolled into a perfect flat coil, with the wire tucked and tied into itself. Your heart sinks when you realize she had taken the time to sort them for you, probably remembering the mess of tangled wires on the plane. 

Should you add a song? 

No. You did already. Get it together. This woman has your mind running marathons. 

But a bar as a distraction? Perfect. 

“Yeah, let’s go check it out. I’m getting a shower,” you make the executive decision as you stand from the couch, slapping Danny’s towel-covered ass as you pass him on your way to the bathroom. 

——

“Jake, you comin’ or what?” Sam asks, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. 

“Yeah, give me a sec,” you answer, pretending to fumble through your backpack. He nods and heads out the door with Lyla, leaving you alone in the greenroom. 

You haven't seen Y/N since you came off the stage, panting, filled with adrenaline, and in desperate need of a towel. You showered quickly and changed into your clothes, hoping you wouldn’t miss her coming into the green room. You were going to ask her to join you at the bar, and you were hoping she would say yes. Though, you haven’t seen her, and now thirty minutes have passed and the van is leaving. You consider sending her a text, but remember there was no response to your last song. It had been your feeble attempt to lighten the tension from earlier in the day, so you figure you should let it be. Tonight was probably crazy for her, and you want her to ride the post show high as long as she can. 

You throw your backpack over your shoulder and make the trek to the van, finding everyone rearing and ready to hit the bar. A drink does sound good, a stiff one. You slam the door shut and let out a sigh, feeling the van pull out of the gates and into traffic. You see a few fans lined up against the fence hoping to catch a peek at the four of you, so you all wave through the window praying they won’t follow you. 

You kick yourself for being this caught up over a woman you met only yesterday. This was not supposed to happen. You wanted to clear your head, not screw it up even more. You took in a deep breath, letting it pass through your lips as the van rounded the corner and came to a stop in front of the bar. You couldn’t read the name of the bar, something foreign in burned out neon, but Josh seemed to know that you were at the right place. You all stepped out of the van, making your way into the decently crowded bar. You were thankful that no one seemed to notice you, the group of you making your way to the back of the bar and piling into a round wooden booth. 

Josh volunteers to grab the first round, and you signal to him for your usual, not needing to say a word for him to understand. Lyla and Mia instantly strike up a conversation about the show, Sam and Daniel hanging on their every word. You listen to what they’re saying, pretending to be engaged in the conversation, but your mind wanders quickly. The exhaustion of your body is starting to set in, mixed with the already present jet lag, you feel yourself spiraling quickly. You know that drink will bring you back to life though, and you hope Josh hurries. 

You wonder where Y/N is. What she is doing. What she thought of the show. If she felt that same electricity you did when you touched her. You quickly shake your head of the thoughts, returning to the present when Josh sets your drink down in front of you. 

He and Ty slide in next to you as the rest of the group starts to sip on their own drinks. You straighten in your seat, trying to give everyone a little more space as Josh starts to speak. 

“Hell of a kick off…” 

“Yeah, no fuck ups either,” Sam adds, elbowing Danny. 

“Jake? Notes?” Josh nods, waiting for you to add your two cents.

“Yeah, yeah I think it was a good show, need to keep that energy for the rest of the run. Think that transition from Heat Above to Highway could be a little tighter if we’re gonna keep that on the set, but–” 

“You seemed especially talkative tonight, thought I was gonna have to turn my monitors up to drown out your screaming,” Josh jokes. You cut your eyes at him in annoyance. It’s not like you could help it. 

“Only screaming to drown out the sound of your voice, brother,” you quip, taking a sip of your drink. Tequila soda, extra lime.

“Please, I think you were just having a little Jake moment because of a certain someo–”

“Fuck off, Josh, seriously,” you spit. 

“Oh, who, the runner? Y/N?” Danny asks, turning to face you with a shit eating grin. 

“Yep.” Josh answers, popping the ‘p’.

You send a threatening look to Josh, and he knows he needs to drop it. “I don’t know what you’re all on and on about. Can you just drop it? Christ.”

“You sure man? I saw that little exchange side stage. Looked more than friendly,” Danny adds, and of course you knew it was coming. 

Lyla sends you a questioning look, and you quickly look away before she has time to examine things any further. Her gaze travels to Mia, the two of them looking at each other before turning back to you. 

“Anyway, Daniel…you and Sam need to watch my cue for Highway, I’ll let Josh do his little spiel, he’ll signal me, and I’ll signal you. I don’t think anyone noticed tonight, but let's not do that again, yeah?”

Everyone nods in agreement as you toss back the rest of your drink in frustration. You motion for Josh and Ty to let you out, desperate to get out of this booth and get another drink. You make your way to the bar, standing amongst the other patrons waiting their turn. You pull your phone from your pocket, hoping to see something, anything from her, but it's empty, the same as it was ten minutes ago. Should you text her?

No. Stop thinking about her, fuck. 

You order a new drink, a double this time, hoping it will help you clear your head of this woman. You weave through the crowd with your drink in hand as you make your way back to the table, however when it comes into sight you see none other than Paul, Wes and Y/N standing in front of it. 

You take a large sip from your glass, clearing your throat and trying to regain your composure. You definitely weren’t expecting her to show up. A wave of nerves washes over you as you see her standing there, dark jeans and a black top, her hair hanging down her back in waves. Your eyes travel straight back to her ass, hugged so perfectly in her jeans you almost have to head to the bathroom to fix yourself. You drag your eyes back up towards the table, your chest growing warm as you watch her talk to Josh, secretly wishing it was you. 

You approach the group, laying a hand on Paul's shoulder to get his attention. He turns to you and shakes your hand with a smile, followed by Wes. You slide into the booth next to Mia, setting your drink in front of you as Josh continues to talk to Y/N. 

“Y/N, why don’t you hang with us? We’re more fun than these old guys,” Josh laughs, playfully slapping Paul’s arm. 

She turns to look at Paul who is shrugging his shoulders and nodding, “Wouldn’t hurt to get to know these fools.”

You can see a look of hesitation on her face, her eyes flick to Josh and Sam, then to Daniel and finally to you. They linger for a second before she nods her head, agreeing to spend her evening with the group of you. She takes a seat next to Ty as he pushes Josh over to make room for her. You smile a little watching her get settled, pushing her hair behind her ear as she nervously peers up at you from across the table. The corner of your lip turns up as you look at her, and hers does the same. You know that all eyes are on you now, though, so you try to seem as casual as possible. 

“You need a drink?” you ask, letting your eyes meet hers, almost sparkling in the bar lighting. So fucking pretty, fuck. You are so, so fucked.  

She shrugs and nods, looking around at what everyone else is drinking as she bites her lips. “How about a Tito’s and Sprite, two limes?” she asks, almost as if nervous to say it.

You nod your head once, silently commending her for not ordering a fucking cranberry vodka. 

“Got it, anyone else?” you ask, looking at the group as they shake their heads. 

“I’ll be back,” you say, standing from the booth and making your way back to the bar you just came from. You don’t have to wait long this time, ordering her drink and making sure they don’t skip on the limes. You’re kind of glad you are the one getting her drink, giving you another minute or two to shake the nerves in your system that arose just from seeing her. 

You glance over your shoulder towards the booth, watching as she talks animatedly with everyone at the table. You feel a little twinge of happiness as you look at her, seeing her fit in so effortlessly with the group. You grab the glass off the bartop and start to make your way back over to them, weaving through a thick crowd of people congregating in the middle of the bar. 

You place her drink in front of her before taking your seat again, her cheeks blushed pink as she looks at you. “Just let me know how much and I can venmo whoever.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it. I got it,” you answer, giving her a tight lipped smile. 

“I was just telling Y/N that I’m gonna have to fire Mia and hire her to start making me drinks from now on. Your wine glass was practically overflowing all night,” he laughs as Mia scoffs. He tosses his arm around her, kissing her cheek as he whispers in her ear. 

“To be fair, I did drink it all,” you offer, tipping your head towards her. Her cheeks are red, and you can tell she’s a little embarrassed about the whole thing. She sips at her drink, swallowing down the bubbly alcohol. You can see her tension ease a little as she puts down the glass, her eyes meeting yours again. The moment is quickly zapped as Josh grabs her attention. 

“You know, I did happen to look over and see you a few times. Seemed like you were enjoying the show,” Josh pauses, smiling at her, “Thought I was going to have to come pick your jaw up off the ground after The Archer.”

Her face blushes a deep red now, clearly embarrassed that Josh caught her in what she thought was a private moment. Part of you wants to jump over the table and choke him, but you don’t, just clearing your throat instead to warn him. Y/N sips her drink a little faster now through a laugh, clearly needing it to kick in a little quicker. 

She was really watching you? 

“Yeah, you were kinda on one tonight, weren’t you Jake?” Daniel adds, chewing the end of the straw in his drink. “They were crazy over on your side. You were givin’ it to ‘em.”

“S’that why you were showing out tonight? Trying to impress all your little fans?” Sam adds, quirking an eyebrow at you. 

Josh scoffs a laugh and raises his eyebrows, looking over to Y/N, “Oh, I’m thinking it was someone else entirely, Sammy boy.”

Instinctively your foot connects with his leg as you kick him in an effort to shut him up. Your eyes flick over to Y/N, clearly uncomfortable and deeply embarrassed, on her first night no less. Her eyes start to flick around the table as everyone looks at her, before falling down to the table as she runs her finger around the rim of her glass. 

“Don’t listen to them, Y/N,” Mia jumps in. “They spend 50% of their time bagging on each other and the other 50% trying to embarrass us.” Her act of heroism obviously makes Y/N feel a little more comfortable, and you realize that sometimes you and your brothers truly have no filters at all. “Just tell them to fuck off.” She adds a wave of her hand through the air, showing that she was used to it, now. 

“Oh shit, heard about your little situation at the bar last night, Y/N. Heard there was some trouble,” Sam says, leaning into the table as the volume of the crowd starts to drown him out. “Glad Jake was able to come to your rescue.” God damnit, do they ever shut up?

“Oh yeah, Y/N you can always call Dean and tell him where you’re going so you don’t have to deal with Jake if you need something. I’m sure Dean is a lot more pleasant than Jake is at midnight, anyway,” Josh barks, sending another shooting wave of annoyance through your chest. Little did he know that you were perfectly fucking pleasant with her at midnight last night. More than pleasant, actually. 

“I’ll remember that next time, Josh,” she replies, a little sound of defeat in her voice.

You know what Josh’s next move is going to be, he’s going to start prying her with questions of what exactly happened. He knows you gave him the condensed version, and knowing him, he’s bound and determined to get the truth out of one of you. So you decide to stop him before he starts. 

“Yeah, it wasn’t a big deal, I had just downed a drink before she texted, I hardly remember telling the guy to fuck off. We can just pretend the whole thing never even happened, right Y/N?” you propose, immediately regretting the words as soon as they slipped from your mouth. You didn’t want to pretend it never happened. You’ve relived it over and over and over since it did…

Her face falls a bit as she nods her head. “Yeah, no. Never even happened. I’ll…remember not to bother you next time. Knee-jerk reaction.” Her voice is a bit pointed as she tries to defend herself without being too bitchy about it. You watch as she bites the insides of her cheeks, probably wanting to lash out at all of you. She felt threatened by that guy, and she called for help. You feel like shit, she texted you because she was panicked, and was most familiar with you… hell, you’d just spent an entire day on the plane together. She probably doesn’t even have Dean’s number yet…shit. Your choice of words had bitten you in the ass yet again. You’ve definitely fucked up. 

But the guys absolutely can not know that you kissed her…

The conversation thankfully takes a turn and you’re able to disassociate from it for a minute, watching as she struggles to stay involved, while also completely avoiding eye contact with you. Yeah, definitely fucked up. 

She finishes the rest of her drink and slides out from the booth, excusing herself to the restroom. She flips her hair behind her shoulder and tosses her purse over it too, and you find yourself wishing that you could reach out and grab her hand to stop her. Her eyes stay fixed to the floor as she flits away into the crowd, completely disappearing from your view. 

The minutes pass by as you flow in and out of the conversations, your subconscious reminding you every so often that she isn’t back yet. Your eyes repeatedly scan the crowd and over to Paul and Wes, and each time you find them still seated alone at the bar. Where did she really go? 

You start to get anxious as you finally decide to say fuck it. You pull the tiny pointless straw from your drink, biting it between your teeth as you pull your phone from your pocket, bringing up her text thread. 

You

12:29AM: Where did you go?

You chomp the straw nervously as you move it around in your mouth, feeling it poking and prodding against your gums. You watch your message turn to read, but no reply bubble pops up. You’re facing the door, and you haven’t seen a soul pass through it, so you know she hadn’t snuck out. Seven entire more minutes go by, and you realize she’s not going to respond. You need to make this right. You need to tell her last night meant more than nothing to you. 

Suddenly you get the brazen idea to go ahead and add another song to the playlist, thinking that maybe since it worked last night…

You pull up your music app and hit the search box, already knowing exactly what song you are going to add. ‘Go Outside’ by The Cults. Perfect. Straight and to the point. 

Josh continues to finish out a story you’d already heard twice today as your knee begins to bounce up and down with anticipation. Sure enough, a few minutes later, you get the notification that she, too, has added another song. Yes. Fucking finally.  

‘Gone’ by JR JR magically appears at the bottom of the playlist, and you can’t stop the confused scowl that crosses your face. What the fuck? There’s no way she’s gone… You’ve been watching the door…

You decide to cut the shit, and text her. If anything, you’ll apologize for how everything had gone, and let her continue on with her night. You couldn’t go another second without letting her know how sorry you were that things had gone so awry. You pull up your text thread, seeing the urgent messages from last night still present on your screen. 

You

12:42AM: I know you’re not gone, I’m facing the door. Meet me out back, please?

You don’t even stick around to wait for her reply as you lock your phone and slam it onto the table, standing from your seat to hurriedly head out to the back patio area. “I’ll be back, going for a smoke,” you announce, and thankfully, no one says they want to join you. 

You make your way to the back door, pushing through the heavy metal and into the enclosed seating area. The cold breeze almost takes your breath away. You find that it is fairly big, but thankfully completely empty. The concrete slab is lined with old picnic tables and rickety bar stools that look like they’ve seen better days. You take a seat on top of one of the tables, sliding a blunt out of your front pocket and lighting it to life, letting the smoke fill your lungs and hopefully give you the courage to speak your mind freely. 

Come on, Y/N, don’t let me down…

—

You look up from the cherried tip of the blunt, hearing a pair of boots making their way across the concrete. You look at her as she makes her way towards you, the wind blowing her hair across her face. The sleeves on her shirt are surely not thick enough to brave the cold air, and you find yourself smiling as you remember finding her in the same predicament on the plane. You blow out a ribbon of smoke from your lips just as she steps up to you, her face a little sullen and her cheeks still flushed. You didn’t know if she was going to come. You hoped she would, and now that she has, it’s time to fix things. 

She crosses her arms across her chest, her hands rubbing her arms to ward off the cold. You place the blunt between your lips as you slide your corduroy over your arms and toss it around her. She doesn’t fight you this time, she accepts it, sticking her arms through the sleeves and pulling it tightly across her chest. Your heart beats a little faster seeing her wrapped in it as you pinch the blunt between your fingers. 

“So you didn’t leave after all…” you say, turning to look at her. She doesn’t really answer you, just looks down at the glowing blunt in your hand. You can tell she wants to say something, but she’s not letting herself, and you want to know why. 

“Why did you say that you did?” you ask, flicking the ash with your thumb. 

She bites her lip as she turns out to look out into the distance. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out, turning back to look at you. “Because I was embarrassed. Those people in there? They are my bosses. You are my boss. Now, their first real impression of me is that I’m some helpless idiot that needs a man to rescue her. That I am some dim-witted awestruck groupie or something. I just– This is not the first impression I wanted to make, not with them, and definitely not with you.”

You immediately stop her, knowing that her fears are completely unwarranted. “No, no. None of that is true. None of us think that. I swear. They are just picking on you because they actually do like you. You heard Mia. You would know if they didn’t. I promise. You were amazing today, truly. You made a great first impression with them. And with me,” you offer, hoping it will ease her anxiety. 

She nods a little, giving you a shy smile as you nod back at her hoping to bring her out of her shell a bit. “Did you like the show, at least? Ignore what Josh said, he’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, yeah I did. Jake, you…” she pauses, shaking her head to try and articulate her thought, “You were like a completely different person up there, I–”

You swallow nervously, licking your lips, “Yeah that, kinda happens. I don’t know why or how, but something changes when I’m out there with my guitar. But, I promise it’s still normal me under all of it,” you respond, nudging her arm with your elbow, trying to get a smile out of her. 

She smiles enough that you let it go, but you can tell that she’s still shaken from earlier, and you know it’s time to make your amends. “The stuff inside with the guys…That’s not what’s bothering you, is it…” you pause, meeting her eyes, “It’s what I said.”

She nods a little, shrugging her shoulders as if she’s nervous to admit it, and you feel a shock of guilt run through you. You blow out a stream of smoke into the air above you, reaching your hand out to softly touch her arm as she sits on the stool in front of you. 

“It’s not true, what I said. I– didn’t mean that,” you confess, your voice a little lower and more sincere. 

Her eyes flick up to yours, “Which thing? That it wasn’t a big deal or that you want to pretend it never happened?” 

Fuck, you did say that earlier. You lean a little closer to her, letting your hand slide beneath her elbow and over her arm again, “Both. I actually haven’t stopped thinking about it. About you…about these…” you answer, bringing your hand up to cup her cheek, letting your thumb swipe over her bottom lip. “Not for a single second.”

Her lips are soft, a little wet. You can smell the vodka on her breath and goddamn if that doesn’t make you want her more for some reason. You want to taste her, but you need to devour her. 

A smile crosses her lips, as she moves closer to you, “I was kinda wondering if you were going to make good on that text, or if it was just for show.”

You huff a laugh as you flick at the blunt again, “Well, as you saw, I do enjoy the show, but I keep my word. I meant what I said last night.”

Your eyes are dark and demanding as they look into hers. You feel her hand meet yours, plucking the blunt from your fingers and placing the tip between her pink lips, “So did I.”

She takes a long drag from the blunt, holding her breath and letting the tobacco and earth flavored smoke swirl through her lungs. She places it back in your mouth, blowing the stream of smoke over her shoulder as she leans onto the table with challenging eyes. You feel her fingertips barely tap on your lips as you take the blunt back, and the icy contact sets off an alarm in your mind to get her somewhere warm. 

You hit the blunt one last time before dabbing it out on the tabletop, flicking the burnt-out paper to somewhere unknown. You stand quickly from the table, gripping her hand in yours as you pull her from the barstool. “C’mon,” you murmur, feeling the blood begin to rush through your body with anticipation. You begin leading her over to a door on the corner of the patio, again looking to see if anyone was around. 

“Where are we going?” she breathes. You squeeze her hand, realizing that you’d already intertwined her fingers with yours, just as you had last night on the walk back to the hotel. 

You pull the door open, letting the outside light barely illuminate the small bathroom. You do a quick check to make sure it isn’t trashed or occupied, and you pull her inside, shutting the door behind you. The small room is completely dark, devoid of any and all light at all, except for the tiniest sliver of ambient light coming from under the door. You stand with your hands still wrapped up in hers, and what felt like only inches away judging from the feeling of her breath hitting your lips.

“Wanna make good on my word…” you breathe, the sound of your heart racing in your ears. 

“...In a bathroom, Jake? She giggles anxiously, but you know she doesn’t really mean it. 

You let your hand follow the sound of her words, cupping her jaw again as you bring her into closer proximity. Your thumb brushes her lips again, and you can feel it trembling just a little. Or, maybe it's your hand shaking…the nerves rising up have you feeling light headed. There has never been another woman that makes you react like this. Ever. 

“Did you have somewhere else in mind?” you ask, bringing your lip between your teeth as you hear her breath catch, and feel her head shake side to side. 

You feel her tiptoe just a little bit, bringing her forehead to balance on yours. Your noses graze just barely, and her chest rests across yours, heaving steadily along with each breath the both of you take. Don’t fuck this up, Jake… 

“No, this is perfect,” she whispers, her lips finally making the smallest contact with yours. You feel all of your nerves at attention, every hair on your body standing on end with anticipation for touching her; feeling just the bare minimum of her body was already sending your nervous system into overdrive. Your fingertips tighten on her cheek as you finally close the gap, feeling her plush lips pressing into yours for the second time in twenty four hours. She’s soft and inviting, the feeling of her just the same as it was last night, except now without the element of forced surprise. She feels natural and normal, like you’re meeting her again for the first time after a lifetime spent apart. 

It’s like a dream, except the dream quickly turns into the most devious nightmare as she turns up the heat of the kiss. Her tongue presses gently into your mouth, and you’re allowed your first taste of her. Sweet and sour- her natural essence mixed with the limes that were in her drink… the smell of her perfume, the inability to see her face… it was all making your head spin and your vision blur.

The kiss is heated already, like she had been wanting it just as badly as you had. Your mouths crash onto one another's, her hands quickly finding your shoulder and waist as the smallest sound escapes her throat. She pulls you in toward her, her knee slipping in between your legs. Fuck, she feels good. You grasp her up in your arms, pulling her in more tightly as you begin pushing her backward toward the wall. You feel her gently bump into it, and you take the opportunity to move things in a bit more. 

Swiftly, but with the utmost caution, you press her body into the wall, letting your lips trail just a little further from her mouth, down onto her jawline. “This okay?” you mutter, your lips now brushing right below her ear. You feel her body react, her muscles tensing up from your words. 

You feel her head nod, “Yeah, yes. It’s… Keep–”

Her words stop short as you embrace her again, finding the kiss to have deepened even more since she gave you the go-ahead. Her hands slip up underneath your shirt, and you can feel the light scratch of her nails across your stomach. You swear you could come undone right then and there, but you hold back, taking a deep breath through your nose as you try to regain your composure. Hardly anything has even happened, and you’re already contemplating how you were going to best satisfy her tonight. 

Your hands are begging to feel her skin, so you let them… your calloused fingertips creeping up under her tight black shirt just as hers had just done, her waist thick with soft muscle under the grip of your hands. You squeeze, committing the feeling of her in your grasp to the darkest parts of your memory. Fuck, you wish you could see her. 

You part, stepping back just as you grip both of her hips in your hands, jerking her harshly into you. “Why did you say you left when you didn’t?” you ask, trying like hell to catch your breath. 

“I was leaving…” she mumbles, pressing her center right back onto you. God, fuck. “I got a phone call.” 

“From who?” you bite, your teeth clenched as you stop your eyes from rolling back in your head from the feel of her pressed against you.

“A friend.”

You huff an exasperated breath. “A friend who?”

She bucks her hips forward again, and the movement sends a surge of blood flow straight to your dick; you know for a fact she can tell how hard you are, now. “Do you really want me to answer that, or do you want to keep kissing me?”

You growl with aggravation, gripping her shoulders and pulling her away from the wall, up against the bathroom sink. You press your lips to hers again as her hands grip into your hair, pulling at the strands as you fight each other for dominance over the kiss. You can feel her fingers entangling themselves at the back of your neck as she pulls you in, unable to get you close enough. 

She breaks away for a second, and you feel immediate sadness at the loss of contact. “To answer your first question, I said I left because... I wanted to see if you would follow me.”

“I would have,” you answer with no hesitation whatsoever.

“Why?”

You click your tongue, knowing that you aren’t in a position to go into detail about your unexpected, but not unwanted feelings for her. “I can’t answer that question at the moment, but when I can, I’ll let you know,” you explain, earning yourself a pissed-off laugh from her. 

“Don’t scoff at me, little fledgling,” you tease, running your tongue up the side of her neck. She chills under your touch, playfully pushing your shoulders back. 

You reach down, gripping the backs of her thighs as you lift her onto the marble countertop, pushing her knees apart to find your place between them again. You gently jerk her forward, letting her center meet up with yours at the most perfect height. The sound that escapes her is nothing short of the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard, and you part your lips, drinking her noises in and swallowing them down to live within you for as long as she’d let them. 

You press yourself into her harder now, rolling your hips a bit as you start to lose all composure. Fuck, whenever this does finally happen, it’s gonna be good… Your hands are traveling all over her body that’s still covered in your heavy corduroy jacket, and you can feel the heat radiating from your bodies and warming up the otherwise chilled room. You want to feel her, you want to reach down and feel your clothed bodies touching one another, but you stop yourself. Instead, you grip your hands into her thighs, moving them higher and higher until they’re rested at the crease where her legs meet her ass. You want so much to keep going, keep wrapping your hands and digging your fingertips and exploring all that you could, but again, you slow your movements. 

You gingerly stop your grip, instead trailing your hands lightly from her hips, up her sides and shoulders, back up to cup both of her cheeks in your hands, slowing the intense make-out into a soft subtle kiss. 

“What’s wrong, Jake? Why–”

“Not here. Not like this…” you answer, and if you could see her, you swear you would have seen the same look of defeat as you’d seen earlier. Except this time, for a better reason than the first. You back away a little, feeling her body language fall. 

“You’re right, you’re right,” she agrees, hopping down from the sink. “This… isn’t the best setup.”

You adjust yourself in your jeans as you laugh, “Oh, it’s the perfect setup. I just… ya know…”

“People are probably wondering how you made a smoke last this long,” she whispers.

You laugh again, taking her in a sincere embrace, letting her face bury into your chest. “Yeah, exactly.” You sway a couple of seconds as the both of you come down from the heavy session, and you can still feel her heart beating erratically as she presses against you. You lurch down and take her chin between your fingers, bringing your lips to hers in a soft and sweet kiss. 

“Been thinking about doing that every single second since last night,” you admit quietly.

She laughs shyly. “Can’t believe I just made out with my boss…”

 “Hey, cut that boss shit. Paul is your boss. I’m your…”

“...Mmmmmyyy….”

“I’m the one that hired your boss. Get it straight,” you pick, feigning cockiness. 

“Oh please…” she laughs, pushing you hard against the wall in the still blacked-out room.

“Let’s get out of here,” you say as you move toward the door to make your grand escape, with all intentions to go ahead and make the trek back to the hotel by yourselves. The two of you step out of the bathroom and back onto the patio, fixing your tousled hair and unkempt clothes. As you round the corner, you’re stopped dead in your tracks as you meet eyes with the last person you wanted to see out here. 

Josh is leaned against the same picnic table that you’d extinguished your blunt on, legs crossed at the ankle as he hugs his arms on his chest. The smug fucking smile on his face was enough to turn your raging libido into straight nausea. He holds your phone into the air, shaking it side to side as the screen lights up. 

“You left this on the table, it’s been blowing up. Thought you might wanna answer it after the…third consecutive call, but now I see that you were otherwise occupied…” he snaps, his tone anything but playful. You snatch it from his hand, glancing at the screen to see a string of missed calls and texts, but most notably of them all is a text from Y/N telling you she was on her away to meet you outside. Shit. Your eyes flick to Josh’s, and you can read his expression like a book. He raises his eyebrows as he bites a smile, as if he’s saying ‘caught ya’.

You feel Y/N still standing behind you, most likely also unable to move from her stance. You watch as Josh nods to her, then brings his fingers to his mouth, motioning that he’s locking his lips, and throwing away the key. He turns and slowly walks back inside the bar, not uttering another word.

You feel her hand on your back, “Why did he do that?” she asks, a crease between her brows. 

Goddammit Josh. 

“I don’t know,” you snap, your voice a little harsher than you intended. It's a lie though, you know exactly why he did it. 

You turn around to face her, running your hands up and down over her arms to warm her up, “I don’t know what’s up with him tonight, maybe you should spare yourself. Head back early…”

She seems a little taken aback at your suggestion, stepping back a few steps. “Oh, um, yeah you’re right, I should– I should probably go. I have some... stuff I need to do anyway.”

You can feel the nervous energy flowing from her body as her legs continue to move backwards. You don’t want her to leave, but you see no way around it now.

“Be safe, call if you need us,” you say, shoving your hands in your pockets. 

She hesitates before turning away completely, almost as if she was waiting to see if you were planning to join her. You want to. You want to take her back to her room and finish what you started, but you can’t. You know Josh is waiting for you, counting each second until you step through that door. 

She stops, turning back to you, “Oh, your jacket…”

“Keep it. I’ll get it later,” you say, lifting your hand and waving.

Her eyes meet yours again as she nods, a hint of sadness beneath them. Fuck fuck fuck.

You watch her walk back inside, disappearing through the door. You wait a minute or two before you make your way back inside, seeing Josh sitting in the booth alone. You mumble a curse under your breath as you slide into the booth across from him, drinking the water of the melted ice from your abandoned drink. 

Josh is staring at you as he sips his drink, his eyes drifting over towards the bar where Ty and the rest of the group have gathered. He looks back to you as he sets his drink on the table and folds his hands together. 

“So yeah, how’s that break going, Jacob? Pretty good it seems?” he pauses, shaking his head, “You really are getting your head straight or whatever the fuck it is you told her.”

You toss your head back in annoyance. This fucker thinks he knows everything. 

“Listen to me,” you demand, your voice growing deep. “You need to stay the fuck out of it. I’m dealing with it. Do you hear me?”

He blows you off, scoffing under his breath. 

“Do you hear me, Josh,” you growl.

He drags his eyes back to yours, dark and piercing, “Yeah, Jacob. I hear you. But answer me this, when was the last time you spoke to her?”

It feels like a punch in the gut as you answer, “None of your fucking business.”

“No, no, see it is kind of my business, seeing as how you’ve been–”

“No, you know what, I’m not doing this. I’m leaving, I’ll see you in the morning,” you spit, standing from the booth and grabbing your things. 

“Don’t be that guy, Jake.”

You suck your teeth and nod at him with a fake smile as you turn to head toward the door. 

Fucking prick, thinks he gets to call the shots in everyones life. Fuck him.

The walk to the hotel is short, the cold air cutting through you like a knife, but you’re glad she has your jacket. You know that when you get it back it will smell like her, and that alone makes this icy wind worth it. 

Your mind drifts as you walk, your brain replaying the image of her in the bathroom. The way her lips felt, the way she tasted. The feeling of her skin in your hands. You have half a mind to run straight to her, pick up where you left off, but after the look on her face you aren’t sure you can. 

Your phone starts to buzz in your pocket as you draw closer to the hotel, a persistent buzz indicating a phone call, not a text. You pull it from your pocket seeing the name on the Caller ID for what has to be the fourth time tonight. You curse as you slide your finger across the screen answering the call. 

“Hello...”

“Hey baby, I didn’t think you were gonna pick up!” her familiar voice says. 

“Wonder what could have possibly given you that idea,” you gripe in response. 

“Sorry, I’m just missing you. Haven’t heard from you…” she whines. 

“Yes, Isla. That is exactly the point of a break. To not hear from me,” you snap. 

“But Jake, I thought you’d at least tell me you made it. I’ve been worried and you turned off your location and everything, I just miss you,” she continues, her voice suddenly grating on your nerves. 

“Isla, Christ…What are you not getting?”

“Do you not miss me?” she asks, fishing for a reciprocated sentiment. 

Your phone buzzes in your hand as you start to answer, pulling it away just enough to see the notification banner at the top. 

‘Y/N Added A Song to Your Shared Playlist: 🐥’

Your heart lurches in your chest when you read it, and whatever Isla is saying turns into a hum of noise.

“Jake? Are you listening to me?” she asks, her tone annoyed. 

“What? Yeah, I hear you. Look I uh, it’s late here. I just got back to the hotel. I’ll call you soon, okay?” you ask, trying to calm her enough to get off the phone.

“I know we’re on a break, Jake, but you know I still love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah I know, hey I’m getting on the elevator, I’m about to lose you. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

You hear her sigh, “Okay, bye babe.”

“Bye,” you say, hitting the red button and ending the call. 

“Fuck me, FUCK me!” you shout, the elevator doors closing in front of you. You hit the nine button letting it carry you up to your floor. This has got to stop.

You immediately open the notification from Y/N, waiting for the playlist to load. You watch as the songs start to populate one by one, the last and most recent one finally loading as you step out of the elevator on your floor. Your heart drops as you read the name of the song you know all too well. ‘High and Dry’ by Radiohead. 

Fucking hell. How many times are you going to screw it up with this girl? 

You press play, letting the somber and melancholy tune play through the speakers as you fumble around for your hotel room key. The lyrics swirl through your ears as you realize that you did exactly what the song says. You left her high and dry in order to cover your own ass. You’ve given her a hundred reasons to never speak to you again, and you wouldn’t blame her if she did.

You make the walk down the hallway, spotting your room, but stopping short when your eyes land on her hotel room door just a few steps away. You know she is just behind that door, probably in bed, wondering what she did wrong. Fuck. 

Your mind flashes back to last night, when you wanted to kiss her again, standing at that very door. But tonight, you did. You kissed her again and fuck if it wasn’t even better than the first time. You had every intention of taking her back here tonight. Every single intention of doing whatever she asked of you. In the matter of twenty-four hours she had you completely wrapped around her finger. You’d give her anything she wanted. You want her, badly, but you just can’t seem to stop fucking it up. And now that Josh knows, you know that it will only be a matter of time before everyone knows.

You bite your lips together as you pull your room key from your pocket, looking at the shiny white plastic in your hand as your heart pounds in your chest. Your eyes flick to your door for just a moment then back to her door only a few measly steps away. The song ends as you look down at the phone in your hand.

Should you reply? Should you go to her? Should you let it be?

You know what you want to do, and you know what you should do. 

But the real question is what will you do?

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[gretavanmoon]

See ya later, V. You were my greatest escape for a long time. We loved mapping out the Valor universe & weaving her web, and appreciate each of you who got lost in it with us <333

Valor (Epilogue)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: Cursin', Smokin', Drinkin', Major Fluff, Talks of Marriage, Talks of Pregnancy, More Fluff, and Kissing.

Valor Playlist: Apple Music | Spotify

A/N: Thank you all so much for all the support you have shown us throughout the entirety of this series. We had the best time writing this and building this world, and we know a little piece of Valor will live with us forever. Keep your eyes peeled for our next project coming to you soon!🍀

A project in collaboration with my talented co-writer and best friend, @gretavanmoon.

“Love is many things. It is varied. One thing love is not, is unsure.” - Maya Angelou 

TEN MONTHS LATER

JAKE POV

“Night, Jake! See you Monday!”

“G’night Sal, have a good weekend!” you hear the back door to the shop slam closed as your mechanic paces out, signifying the end of the work week. It had been a long one, customers and vehicles flying in and out of the shop more quickly than you could really keep up with, but nonetheless, you were thankful for them and their loyalty. 

A quick glance to the clock on the wall reads 5:07, and you know that Y/N will have dinner ready soon. You know not to be late, or you’ll risk having to eat the cold leftovers that your brothers left behind. You toss your dirty rag over into the bucket and strip out of your coveralls, your mouth suddenly watering at the thought of a hot meal and a couple cold beers to rinse down the chaos of your busy week. 

You flip the lights off and fumble for your keys, turning before you exit to make sure everything is off and in its place, ready for your return on Monday morning. You take a second, letting the feeling hit you that you have finally done it. You finally have your own shop, with your name on the front of the building, your name on the deed, and your reputation proceeding you more positively than it has your entire life. You’ve always had a hard time being proud of yourself, but as the days flow by and the success of the business grows, you let yourself bask in it. You let yourself be proud of the new life you’ve created with your family.

The gold of the setting sun hits your eyes as you make your way through the parking lot to Valor, your dirty boots tracking grease behind you as you walk. You receive a few fond waves of goodbye from your fellow business owners closing up their own shops for the weekend. You’d been anxious about buying the older mechanic’s shop right in the middle of Memphis, but it had been kept up well, and the old man that owned it was over the moon that a young man like yourself showed so much interest in making it your own. He even let you keep all of his old tools and supplies after your stern but appreciative declination, insisting that he ‘Ain’t got no more use for ‘em, anyway’. It’s smaller than the old shop in Joslyn, but the setup is efficient, and the foundation is sturdy. And it had fallen right into your lap for an extremely reasonable price.

You force the key into the lock of Valor, twisting it to hear the mechanism unlock and spring free. You cruise out of the lot and toward home, ready to relax the evening away as a brand new, twenty-seven year old business owner. It was funny, and a little ironic, honestly, that this was the first birthday you are spending not drunk and trying to fix Ace’s pride and joy. For the past seven years, that had been all you’d known on your birthday- drink until you’re blind, try to figure out what’s wrong with the son of a bitch, get too mad to figure it out, and give up. You gave up, every single time.

…Until Y/N came around and turned your entire world on its axis. She’d thrown you into an adventure you never expected, and had half a mind to destroy altogether, until you fell in love with her. Now she’s all you know, all you want. All you think about, all you want to be surrounded by. You’d picked out a house together and made it into a home, you’d filled it with cheap furniture and secondhand items, but neither of you cared. It was yours. And you were happy with what you had.

The memory of Ace still lies heavy on your mind, especially now that you’re surrounded with a whole new set of faces that laugh like him, walk like him, feel like him…

Since being away from Joslyn and all the negativity it held, you’d finally found your happiness. But you hate to admit that you with the absence of the shop and the reminder of his death in your home, you have also begun to mourn Ace all over again. For some reason that makes absolutely no sense at all, you feel him more, here. In a place he’d never been. You can’t figure out why, but you like to believe that maybe he has finally found his peace, now that the truth about his death is out and that justice has been served with Teddy. It’s twisted, and confusing and dark, but this time around, the mourning feels healthy. Like you finally get to let him go in the way you should have when you were eighteen. You know he’s looking out for you, now.

Every evening after work, you climb into Valor and roll the windows down, turn up the radio as loud as it will go, and you talk to him. This…this is where you feel him most. You tell him about your day, about the business, about Sam and Josh and Danny and Y/N. You can almost feel him riding along with you in the passenger seat, cigarette hanging from his lips as he leans an elbow out the window. 

Sam looks like him. Sam looks a lot like him. Sam is taller and lankier, of course, but there is something about his features and quirks that sometimes makes you stop in your tracks. You’d always been told by Bubba and even Danny that you look most like Ace, but of course you couldn’t see that. But you see Ace every single time Sam gets confused, which is rare, but. The way his eyebrows sink together as he thinks, the way his arms move when he talks…it was all Ace. You wonder if you and Josh look like Stella. 

Finally, you can say Ace’s name without feeling like your mouth is full of concrete. You can finally laugh when you tell his old stories. And today is no different, except now you’re telling him that his other sons are waiting for you to get home quickly.

…Maybe you’ll have a few beers. It is your birthday, after all. 

—

You pull into the wide driveway at the same time as Josh, the music blaring out of the speakers of his Beamer. You slam the door to Valor closed, making a mental note to give her a spit shine tomorrow. 

“Happy birthday you greasy son of a bitch!” Josh grabs you up in a giant embrace as you both round the fronts of your respective vehicles. 

“Happy birthday, brother,” you smile as you let him bring him in. 

“Look at us, twenty fucking seven, huh? Never thought I’d live this long, let alone live long enough to see it with you.”

You laugh, but only a little. “I dunno if that should make me happy or sad, Josh.”

“I’m just fuckin’ with ya,” he jests as you both walk up the cement sidewalk to your front porch. “We’re gonna live to be ninety nine. Both of us. And we’ll be sitting on our asses bossin’ our kids and grandkids and great grandkids around all day long. That sound like a plan to you?” You’d known your twin for only around ten months now, but you still have trouble getting used to his personality always being on one hundred as yours normally stayed on a calm and cool fifty. But damn, if you didn’t love the guy. 

You place a hand on his shoulder before you turn the knob to open the door. “Sure, brother. Ninety nine.” You open the door and kick off your boots, making your way into the house with Josh in tow. You know for a fact, though, that you want nothing more than to do the exact thing Josh had just explained. Living out the rest of your days with him by your side sounds like the perfect way to spend your life. You have to, now. Neither of you have gone a day without seeing each other since the day you finally met. Though you live separate lives, they have begun to intertwine, just like they have always been destined to. You hardly want to make a move without running it by him first. 

“Babe! I’m home!” you yell through the house, finding it oddly quiet. “Babe!”

“In here, Jake!” you hear her sweet voice from the kitchen. You make your way in, seeing her standing with her arms awkwardly crossed at her chest, and a coy smile playing on her lips. Sam is beside her, a towel tossed over his shoulder. He has the same look of anticipation. A few more steps and you’re in the kitchen, seeing a familiar face you truly thought you’d never see again. 

“Jacob, my boy! How are you?!” Oz’s gruff voice hasn’t changed a bit.

“Oz! What are you doing here?!” you make your way over to him, taking him in a handshake and friendly embrace. “Shit, I thought I’d never see you again!” 

“Of course you were gonna see me again, boy! I’m Oz! The wizard…” He bites his unlit cigar between his teeth as he gives you an ear-to-ear smile, taking in your appearance. “Forgive me, Jake, this is my Lucienda.” He backs away and presents her to you… a tall, mysterious woman whose facial features nearly knock you over, she’s so ethereally beautiful. She gently reaches her hand out to you, and you take it with the utmost caution. Your reflexes almost tell you to kiss her hand, but you stop yourself.

“So nice to meet you, ma’am. Oz is… an excellent friend.” you mutter, still taken with her piercing deep brown eyes.

“The pleasure is mine, Jacob. Truly. Oscar has told me much about you, and your brother Daniel. I’m sorry I never got to witness one of your matches before everything happened, I hear you and Daniel were quite the competitors.” Her voice sounds like silk drifting over clouds, soft and serene.

“Uh, yes ma’am. Daniel…Daniel taught me everything I know, actually. I’m so sorry he’s not here to see you, too…”

“Yeah, yeah… where is that long-haired rascal, huh?” Oz intervenes as you’re still processing why Lucienda was never at any of your fights. 

“He’s in and out, we see him every few weeks, or so.” Y/N explains. “He’s busking all over the state, hopping around and getting little gigs here and there.”

“Busking? He plays music?” Lucienda asks, a bit surprised.

“He does,” you say. “He’s pretty damn good, too.”

“Boy’s got many talents, doesn’t he?” Oz bellows his giant laugh. “That’s a shame… Though we’re happy to see our old friends, we were hoping we would catch you all here, together…” Oz says, stepping closely toward you as he rolls his cigar between his fingertips. “It’s been some months now, boy, and I finally feel safe goin’ back to my old ways, you know? Time to call up Hector and get things rollin’ again. Luce and I were in town, thought we’d stop in and see if you and Daniel would like to join us again…” 

You swallow down the lump in your throat, caught off guard by his question. Your eyes scan from Oz to Lucienda to Y/N, and even quickly to Sam as you contemplate, all of them patiently waiting for your answer. 

“I dunno, Oz… I–I’m doin’ well for myself and my family, I’ve finally got a shop of my own, makin’ good honest money, payin’ my bills, ya know. Things I couldn’t do wi–”

“With that motherfucker Teddy breathin’ down ya neck?” he snaps, flipping his coattail back and shoving his hand in his pocket.

You’re silent for just a second. “Yeah… he, definitely didn’t help matters.”

“Heard about what happened back in Missouri. What happened to our buddy Fridge. Your brother and Y/N here just explained all the rest.” Oz stands in front of you now, his eyes narrowed as his hand rests on your shoulder. “Jacob, I’m so sorry about your father. How everything went down with… alla that. I didn’t know ya daddy, but if he’s anything like you, and your brothers, here… he must have been one hell of a man. Didn’t deserve to go out like that. Especially at the hand of such a condescending scum of the earth monster like Teddy.” Oz’s voice is quieter than you’d ever heard it, and you can feel the sincerity dripping from his words. You nod slowly, silently thanking him for his condolences. “If you ever want a place on my roster again, it’s yours. You hear? Daniel, too. You boys have a lot of heart in you. Crowds loved you. Don’t like to see it wasted, but I’m proud of you and what you’ve built here.”

“Thank you, Oz.” you say genuinely. 

“Plus, I bet you get mighty jealous when you watch your brother here fight in the pros, huh?” Oz backs away and is his candid, overzealous self again as he takes Josh in a headlock. “Hector’s pride and joy, this one here!”

Josh’s face turns a bright red as he barely struggles to free himself from the likes of a legend like Oz. “I don’t know about pride and joy, Oz, but I would say I’m his favorite!” you hear Josh boast from beneath Oz’s arm pit. 

You slowly make your way over to Y/N, taking her in an after-work hello hug as the two of you finally find a free second. Sam busies himself with something in the oven while Lucienda sips on whatever martini Y/N mixed up for her. “How was your day, baby?” she mutters into your chest. 

“Perfect, now,” you breathe as you kiss the top of her head. 

“Y/N, my sweetheart, come sit with me,” you hear Lucienda’s soothing voice beckon Y/N, patting the empty barstool on the other side of the kitchen island. Y/N gives you a look of confusion, and instantly, you know what she is about to ask. You let her free from your arms and watch as she walks to take the seat beside her.

You and Y/N had discussed this before, one late night lying in bed right after everything had gone down in Miami, and you’d finally made it back to Joslyn. She’d expressed how she was upset at the timing of it all, because she was really enjoying learning the tricks of the trade when it came to the underground fighting business. She was picking it up quickly, and she was good at it. Moreover, Lucienda apparently trusted her, at least that’s what Oz had told her when he basically forced her to lie to you about going to Atlanta for them, her very first test of loyalty. And she’d passed with flying colors. 

Now, as you watch her sit beside the beautiful anomaly of a woman that is Lucienda, you see just how much Y/N mirrors her. Not so much in looks, but in confidence. In manner, and in poise. She’s quick-witted and smart, everything Lucienda is most likely looking for in a business partner. Your heart drops into your stomach with anticipation for her, and what Lucienda could be proposing.

Just then you hear a harsh knock on the door that startles you. A familiar knock that you’d heard a thousand times. Two quick knocks, followed by one…

“I’ll get it!” Josh hops up from his stance and rushes to the door as your stomach flips with anticipation. Seconds later, Josh is re-entering the kitchen with Bubba following closely behind him. 

“Bub?!” you wail, rushing to take him in your arms similarly as you did with Oz, but with a lot more heart behind it. “What is everyone doin’ here?” 

Bubba opens his arms to you as you crash into him, feeling like the world is finally right where it needs to be. Bubba is here, Bubba is safe. You feel his chin rest on your shoulder as your arms squeeze each other, and you have to fight back a tear that’s threatening to drip from your eye. 

“Bub, you drove here?! Or did you fly, when did you–”

“I drove, boy!” he chuckles as he pulls back from you. 

“Bubba, that’s a long trip, and you came all by yourself?” suddenly you are overwhelmingly worried about him driving such a long distance. 

“Shoot, boy. Ain’t nothin’ but open roads. Stopped ‘bout every few hours to fill up the tank and stretch my legs. Was nice, seein’ outside of Joslyn again. Been a good bit since I traveled. Plus, wasn’t gonna miss your birthday, son. Important day for yeh. For all of us.” Bubba squeezes his hat between his hands as he speaks. It hit you that this day is hard for him, too. The anniversary of losing the best friend he ever had. 

You give him a reassuring smile as you invite him further into your home. “M’glad you came, Bub. Missed you. You like the digs?” you ask as you motion around the house.

“Hell of a home, boy. Y/N has it lookin’ mighty nice, too. Proud of you. Both of you.”

“Thanks Bub. I hate that Danny ain’t here to see you. He’s probably gonna be callin’ here in a bit, though.” you say. 

“Funny you should mention that, boy.” Bubba responds with a chuckle and a nod of his head. “Go take a look outside.”

You dash back out the front door, finding Danny sitting straddled over his bike, pulling his helmet off of his curls. You throw your arms up to your sides. “What is this, a family reunion?!” you squeal as Danny hangs his helmet off his handlebars and begins to make his way up the drive to you. “Why didn’t anybody tell me?”

“What, you think I was gonna miss seein’ you on your birthday? We don’t do that anymore, Jake. Not like I live five hundred miles away or somethin’,” Danny rushes you and tackles into you, pushing his shoulder into your chest. “God, you smell good. Diesel fuel and grease. Fuck, I miss it sometimes.”

“Come back home and work for me then, asshole. Strange not havin’ you around,” you say honestly, but knowing that he was out making his dreams come true just the same as you are. 

“Might one day,” he says. “Might not.” He gives you a quick shove to the shoulder. “You miss me don’t you?”

“I don’t, but I know somebody that misses you an awful lot…” you say, making your way back inside. 

“Who, Y/N? I told you, Jake. If she misses me that much, she can stay with me on the couch when I come visit but that’s all I’ll agree to…”

“No, you fuckin’ idiot. Look who else came to visit…” you watch Danny’s eyes light up as he sees Bubba standing in the doorway.

“Bubba! What in the hell are you doin’ here?!” Danny takes Bubba in a warm embrace just as you had. 

“Saw yeh ridin’ that bike of yours as I was comin’ through town, knew you had to be headin’ this way, too. Heard you comin’ down the road behind me.” Bubba explains. “Josh and Sam invited me up here for the birthday celebration, though I ain’t much of a surprise…”

“Of course you are, Bub,” Danny says. “Just like old times.”

As the three of you step through the front door you notice balloons covering the ground in the living room and a few red streamers twisted across the doorways. You see Josh in the corner, tying off a balloon, slingshotting it to the floor to meet the rest. They’d quickly decorated in your absence. 

“What’s all this?” you ask, a little confused, stepping further into the room. You kick at the balloons, watching the colors dance across the floor. 

“What, you never had a birthday party before?” Josh jokes, blowing air into another balloon. You stare at him, unsure how to tell him that you hadn’t. “Shit, really?”

“Casserole is ready!” 

You laugh, shaking your head as you hear Sam call out to you from the kitchen. Of course he made that casserole. You walk with Josh, feeling his arm swing around your shoulder. Bubba and Daniel bring up the back as the four of you congregate with the others in the kitchen, finding Y/N deep in conversation with Oz and Lucienda. 

You catch the tail end of Oz’s story, listening in as he wraps it up. “...And so I called up my buddy Frankie, and he made a few phone calls. Was out a few days later. Cost me some dough but here I am.”

“They can’t lock up the Oz for too long.” Lucienda adds, turning attention to you and Daniel as you enter. “Not if I have anything to do with it.”

“Daniel! My boy, there you are! I didn’t think i’d be seein’ ya!” Oz shouts, reaching across you to shake Daniel’s hand. 

“Here I am.” he smiles, returning his firm handshake. 

“Was just telling Y/N how I was able to get out of that mess in Miami.” he says, looking to you and Bubba. “But, now it’s a party! Sam, I heard that casserole of yours is ready. We won’t keep you, just wanted to stop by and say hello.”

“Oh good, another casserole!” Daniel jokes.

“Shut up Daniel, you love my cooking.” Sam mocks. 

“Please, you should both stay. We have plenty, and there’s cake!” Y/N interjects, her voice hopeful. 

“What do ya think Luce? I wouldn’t mind.” Oz asks. 

“I think it’s a great idea, I happen to love a good casserole.” she smiles, nodding her head at Y/N.

—

The seven of you gather around your dining room table, sharing the meal that your brother so kindly made for you. A few streamers hang from the light fixture, and the table is filled with talking and laughter. You take a second to take in your surroundings, finding that nearly every single person that is important to you is seated around this table. 

You let your hand grip into Y/N’s thigh, a silent ‘thank you’ for putting this all together. The life you have now wouldn’t have been possible without her, and you suddenly can’t imagine your life any other way. 

“So how did you find us?” Daniel asks Oz, taking another forkful of his second plate of casserole. 

Oz lifts his fork to point at Sam, your head snapping to look over at him. “Got a call from my buddy here. Wanted me to have your new phone number. Got to talkin’. Told me what went down with you boys, how you found each other, and everything with ya daddy. Hell of a life boys. Hell of a story. Respect the hell out of you all, not many people face the things you have. Anyway, got your address from him, figured I could pop in next time I was passin’ through, and here I am.”

“We’re glad you came. Here just in time for the party.” Y/N adds, her voice sweet as she turns to look at you. 

“Yeah, I’m glad you came. All of you.” you say, looking from Oz to Bubba, and finally to Daniel. 

The phone ringing breaks the tension of the sweet moment, Josh’s chair skidding across the floor as he jumps up. “I’ll grab it! Be right back!”

You all share a smile, truly trying to piece together where he draws his endless energy from. 

“Should we move to the living room, I’m taking song requests…” Daniel jokes, standing from the table. 

Oz and Lucienda laugh, standing along with Bubba as the four of them make their way into the living room. 

“Thanks for this Sammy, it was perfect.” you nod, giving him a grateful smile. 

“You’re welcome, brother. Happy Birthday.” he smiles, standing from the table to join the others in the living room. 

Now it’s just you and Y/N left at the dining table, her hand playing with yours as it rests in her lap.

“Jake…” she starts, turning to look at you. 

“Yeah baby? What’s up?” you answer. 

“Lucienda…She offered me the job.”

Your smile takes over your face, as you squeeze her hand in yours. “You should do it!”

“Well, I told her I wanted to talk to you first. We haven’t really even talked about it. I mean, it’s kind of a big commitment, and we just sorta got our life started here, ya know?” she says, her eyes peering into yours. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. We did, and it’s perfect. But I know you love that job, and you are so good at it. You have to take it Y/N. I want you to take it.”

“I mean, is this…Is this what we want to do?” she asks, swallowing nervously. 

You cup her cheek in your hand, offering her a soft grin. “Baby, I want you to do what you love. You know I’ll be here waiting for you. You’ve got me. I’m yours.”

She turns her head in your palm to place a kiss on your hand. “What about… You know…”

You laugh, biting your lips together before turning your eyes back to hers. “We keep trying. You’ll only be gone a few days every couple of weeks. That’s plenty of time to practice. We will figure it out. Take it as it comes.”

She shakes her head and leans forward to place a sweet kiss to your lips. “I like that plan.”

“Me too, baby. You have no idea.”

“I made you a real cake this year, but you’ll have to pretend that it’s half Josh’s and share.” she smiles, standing up from her chair. 

Your hands grab her hips and pull her into you, “What if I kinda wanted the other kind?” you whisper into her chest, kissing the skin exposed by the dip in her dress. 

She bends down to take your lips in another kiss, this one a little longer. “Then you’ll be happy to know it’s in the freezer. That's one tradition I won’t ever let die.”

“I fuckin’ love you, Y/N. For the rest of my life, I swear.” 

“I love you, Jake.” she answers, sauntering off into the living room where Daniel’s guitar is filling the room with music. 

You push up from the table and walk into the kitchen, finding Josh and Sam working on the dishes. You spy the cake she was talking about, sitting proudly on the small kitchen table, a glass cover over top of the two layer cake. Your heart leaps in your chest as you look at it. A real birthday cake, not only for you, but for your twin. 

This past year has been one of the hardest of your life, but also one of the most rewarding. Every hardship had brought you something great in return, and every challenge, a reward larger than you ever imagined possible. 

Josh steps over to you, admiring the cake alongside you, nudging your arm with his elbow. “I think it’s safe to say that she loves you a lot, man.”

“I know she does. She loves all of us. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve her.” you admit. 

He laughs, slapping his hand across your back, “You gonna make an honest woman out of her? Marry her? Maybe make me Uncle Josh?” he jokes, but you turn and look at him, a note of seriousness on your face. 

You don’t respond, just smiling and shrugging your shoulders playfully. 

“Is that right? Which part?” he presses. 

You shrug again, not wanting to give up the truth, but the thing about having a twin…there is no such thing as a secret. 

“Wait, she’s not already…” he questions, and you quickly shake your head. 

“No, no. Not yet.” you answer, peering through the doorway to see if you can catch a glimpse of her in the living room.

“So…”

“So, hopefully sooner rather than later.” you answer, not wanting to tell him too much. 

“Fuck yeah, so you two are like, trying to then…” he asks, grabbing Sam’s attention. He walks over to join you with a huge smile on his face. 

“What was that?” he asks, grinning ear to ear. 

“Nothing, be quiet…” you urge, looking over your shoulder. 

“Jake and Y/N are doin’ the damn thing.” Josh laughs. 

“Shut up! Shut up! You’re being too loud, she's gonna kill me! Don’t you dare tell her that I even mentioned this.” you growl, secretly feeling the same excitement they are. 

“You’ll be a great dad, Jake.” Sam whispers, placing his hand on your back as he returns to the kitchen sink. 

You hear the doorbell ring, wondering who else could possibly show up tonight. Everyone you knew was in your house already. 

“I’ll grab it.” Josh says, stepping away from you and into the hallway. Sam dries the last dish and puts it away, tossing the wet dish rag onto the counter. 

“Thanks for doing that man, I appreciate it.” you say, leaning onto the kitchen table. 

“No problem, happy to do it. Should we, uh, go see who is at the door?” he asks, straightening his shirt. 

“Probably a damn salesman, they are bad around here this time of day.” you scoff, watching him make his way into the hallway. 

You start to follow after him, but something stops you. You notice the fresh flowers on the kitchen table, bright yellow, pink and green, sitting proudly in a familiar old rusted coffee can. You think back to Y/N telling you that her mother kept wildflowers on their kitchen table, and now, she was keeping that tradition going. You swore right then that you’d pick every flower you ever saw just to make her happy. 

A new realization has your heart leaping in your chest. You know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Here, in your very own home, with your brothers and the love of your life, ready to start something bigger. To be something bigger than you ever dreamed possible for yourself. You could confidently say that at this point in your life you were happy, and you didn’t see that changing. You didn’t want it to. 

You let out a content sigh as you make your way down the hallway, finding it oddly quiet as you make your way towards the living room. You shove your hands in your pockets as you walk, seeing Y/N just stepping out of the hallway bathroom. She links her arm through yours as you walk, placing a kiss on your cheek. 

“Kinda quiet in here.” she murmurs just as you step into the living room. You see Josh and Sam standing in front of the door, quietly talking to whoever is on the other side. It’s when they step away from the open door that you stop in your tracks. 

There standing at your front door is someone you never expected to see. Someone you’d only seen in photographs, black and white at that. You told yourself it couldn’t possibly be her, but as she steps through the door you get a better look at her, confirming what your heart already knew to be true. 

She walks slowly towards you, a soft smile on her face, stopping in front of you as Josh and Sam step up behind her. 

“My Jacob…” Her voice is a whisper, a look of long awaited relief on her face as she lays eyes on you for the first time in over twenty years. You feel Y/N’s grip on your hand tighten, a reassuring squeeze bringing you back to reality. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you step closer to her, a smile crossing your lips knowing that the final piece in the puzzle of your life had finally fallen into place. 

“Mom…”

Thank you all so much for everything. See you soon.

Taglist: @gretavanmoon @wetkleenex-gvf @eyelinerjake @farfromthehomelands @sacredstarcatcher @britney-gvf @stardustjake @jakesmustache @starshine-wagner @mweasley19 @emsfallingsky @joopsenthusiast @ageofbajabule @ladywhimsymoon @vanfleeter @myleftsock @joshskittytickler @ageoflou @freefallthoughts @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @literal-dead-leaf @welllauragvf @writingcold @bizzielisteningtogreta @neptune2324 @itsafullmoon @violet-hayes @gvfmarge @demonrat444 @mybussyinchrist @cl0ver-j4de @earthgrlsreasy @what-i-read-home-of-reblogs-mama @mama-likes72 @lenagvf @laurngvf @racheljuneeee @farfromthehomelands @cat3rpillarbaby @cassiesgreta @jarmonicasweat @violet-hayes @ghostly--photography @josh-iamyour-mama @raviolilegs @gvfmarge @milkgemini @jaketlove @watchingover-hypegirl @ageoflou @cl0ver-j4de @takenbythemadness @lightmyloverry

@flightofseams @torniturntomyarrow @allmylovejtk @m0uthfl13s @klarxtr @styles-canvas @fleet-of-fiction @gretavanbear @builtbybrokenbells @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @starrymoonslut @lightmy-love @edgingthedarkness @gvfmarge @dannys-dream @demonrat444 @jjwasneverhere @fleetingofthegretas @highway-tuna @gretas-sweat @darianh07 @age0fwagner @stardustjake @Catharu77 @milkgemini @watchingover-hypegirl @lightmy-love @erlha @twinszka @peaceloveunitygvf

[gretavanmoon]

The queen of heartbreak has done it again🖕🏼🖕🏼(said with love)

Amor Fati - I

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 12.3k

Warnings: Cursing, Alcohol, Talks of Marriage, Kissing, Angst, Rejection, Embarrassment, Driving Under the Influence, Yelling, Arguing, Gaslighting, Begging, Heartbreak, Crying.

A/N: This is part one of what will be a two part series. This series will not be for everyone. It will be full of angst and hurt and I implore you to read the warnings before you start to make sure this is something you are prepared for. If you would like to be added to the tag list, please send me a message. Thanks for reading.

JAKE POV

No one can make a left shoe right. Even walking barefoot hurts in the beginning. Those first few steps are painful, yet necessary in order to move forward. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. You suffer through it because you know you have no other choice. You learn to cope until you no longer feel the pain. Until you find your normal. No one ever said it would be easy. As for now though, it’s your own two feet that will have to bear the burdens of your heart, carrying you forward until the pain fades away and you find that normal you thought you once knew. 

–

The door is locked and the lights are dim, the dining chairs sitting perfectly in their spots around the table. The house is quiet, just the hum of the refrigerator and the soft tinkling as heat filters through the air vents. Though, you swear you can hear the persistent drip, drip, drip of the water slipping away down the kitchen sink as you lie awake in your bed. You stare at the ceiling, eyes trained on the hairline crack that runs the length of your bedroom. You wonder how it got there. How long it had been there. Were there any signs before it cracked? Before the integrity was completely lost, giving way to the fault? Was there less stress now that it cracked? Would it be better off this way? Or would it continue to deteriorate and live in a state of disrepair until someone came along and tried to fix it? 

Drip, drip, drip. 

God, would you ever fix that faucet?

You rip the sheets from your body and throw them down to the bed, storming down the stairs until you’re standing in front of the sink. You watched it, waited for it, willed it to happen. 

Drip, drip, drip. 

You jiggle the handle, but it’s tight. The valve is shut. You smack your hand against the spigot, a few more drops falling quickly to the drain. “Goddamn you.” you growl, watching again as it drip, drip, drips, mocking you, as if telling you you’re a failure. 

You crouch down below, opening the cabinet forcefully and tossing away the items to access the water shut off valve. You twist the knob and turn off the water before standing again to observe the faucet. You pull the handle to release the rest of the water in the line letting a small stream pour out before the line runs dry. No more water. No more drip. You cut it off at the source. 

How many times had she asked you to look at it? How many times did you tell her you would, but never did?

With a huff you closed the cabinets and made your way back upstairs, trudging slowly through the eerily silent house. You slid back into bed and turned off your lamp, hoping the darkness of the room would guide you into another restless sleep. Your body starts to relax, your mind drifting in and out of hazy dreams and memories, eventually succumbing to the exhaustion that has been plaguing you for days. 

Drip, drip, drip. 

It was closer. You sat up straight in your bed, listening, making sure you weren’t dreaming. You sat and waited, the flashing clock on your nightstand lighting the room in a red glow, your weary eyes still trying to adjust. 

Drip, drip, drip. 

The bathroom.

You get up, needing to see for yourself that you weren’t crazy, and sure enough as you flicked on the light switch and settled in front of the sink, you watched it.

Drip, drip, drip.

The water had found a new path. 

—

TWO MONTHS EARLIER

You sit at the kitchen counter, swiping away emails from your inbox, offloading some of the anxiety of that little red bubble. It felt as though for every one you deleted, three more would take its place. That’s how a lot of things have felt lately. 

Your eyes catch sight of her stepping into the kitchen, your shirt hanging loosely from her shoulders as she steps up to the stove to grab the tea kettle. You look at her for a few seconds before you turn your eyes back to your inbox and continue your mission. If you could just do this one thing, maybe you could relax for a minute. 

“Jake? Tea?” she asks, pulling your focus away. 

“Huh? Oh, uh, no thanks.” you answer, trying to refocus.

She fills the tea kettle and places it on the burner, pulling the box of teabags from the pantry. “Babe, I know you’ve got a lot going right now, but when you get a chance the faucet is still leaking. It drips constantly now. I know you’re leaving soon so if you can’t do it I can call someone or–”

“No.” You snap, letting your eyes meet hers. “I’ll deal with it, just give me a damn minute alright?”

Her voice is quiet, and she recoils enough that you notice. “Okay...”

You instantly feel remorse for snapping at her, running your hand over your face to recenter yourself. “I’m sorry. Look, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it. I swear. I just have to… deal with some other stuff first, okay?” you say, softening your tone and doing your best to smooth things over, but knowing the kitchen sink is low on your priority list.

Her face falls a bit, and you can see the defeat pouring off of her. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” she says, shaking her head softly as if feeling guilty for even bringing it up. 

You manage to swipe away a few emails, seeing her continue to glide around the kitchen for a few more minutes before quietly making her way into the living room. As she disappears from view you drop your phone with a sigh, resting your head in your hands as you stare down at the counter below you. You can’t seem to shake the guilt coursing through you for being so short with her. She didn’t deserve that. And the look on her face? Why did you keep doing this?

You hear the water as it drips into the sink. Now that she mentioned it, you had noticed it. How long had it been like that? 

The tea kettle starts to whistle, steam spewing from the spout, and in seconds she’s back in view, pulling it from the burner and grabbing a mug. You return back to your emails, swiping them away and slowly making progress. Just a few more. 

It’s the mug sliding towards you that grabs your attention this time, the warm minty aroma filling your nose. You look up and see her leaning against the other side of the counter, pushing the honey towards you hesitantly. 

You furrow your brow as you speak, “But I said–”

“I know what you said, but after five years I also know what you need.” she answers with a playful raise of her brow and gentle smile, grabbing her own mug and walking into the living room to leave you to your emails. 

It was that moment. That steaming hot cup of mint tea presented to you so lovingly, despite your coldness, that suddenly gave you the clarity you needed. Of course she knew what you needed. She knew you better than anyone. She’d known for years. 

Your heart started to race as you realized just how long it had been. How many Christmases, birthdays, career milestones, and even more, how many tours had she been around for? Five years? Shit. 

Your eyes flashed over to the calendar on the fridge, seeing today's date with a heart and a five. Today was your anniversary, fuck. You’d forgotten. 

Five years with her. The love of your life. It didn’t seem that long, but the more you thought about it, it really was all you could remember. You saw every single memory shared between the two of you flashes before your eyes in highspeed, from the first kiss to now, all of it stopping abruptly as the sound of a new email entering your inbox rang through the air. 

You couldn’t look, though. You were stunned. Frozen in place as you watched the steam rise from the top of the black speckled mug.

It was time. You knew and she knew. Everyone around you knew what was supposed to happen now. What needed to happen now.

But you also knew you couldn’t give her that. You’d never be able to give her that. 

No matter how badly you wanted it.

—

HER POV

Your mug is practically scalding your hand as you walk into the living room, your parting sentence still swirling around in your head. You place the steaming mug on the coffee table and make yourself comfortable on the couch, grabbing the old worn in red quilt Jake’s grandmother made him when he was born. It’s threadbare and has a few worn spots where you can see the cotton batting inside, but those are your favorite parts. It smells like him, it always has, finding him wrapped up in it on the couch late at night more often than he would ever be willing to admit.

You lean forward to grab the mug of mint tea you’d made, breathing in the soothing aroma and hoping that it will calm the underlying tension in your body. The house is silent, Jake still doing whatever it is he’s doing on his phone, something work related if you had to guess. You can hear him sipping from the mug of tea he was quick to say he didn’t want, but you made anyway. After all this time you knew that even though he said no, he really meant yes. You hoped it would help him with his stress in much the same way you hoped it would help you relax. 

You knew that really he was past the point of stress, preparing to leave for tour in a few weeks. The new album release and the planning of tour had taken an obvious toll on him. His normally calm and level headed demeanor had become a bit short fused and volatile over the last few weeks. You knew it was just a phase and that in time it would pass as things started to level out again, at least typically it did. So for the time being you kept your cool and helped him whenever you could with whatever you could, hoping it would take some of that mental load away from him.  

Today though, today was your anniversary. Five years spent together and it seemed to go by in a flash. It truly felt like only a few days ago you watched the long haired stranger as he sauntered into the coffee shop and plucked his coffee from the pickup counter, mistaking your order for his own. It felt like only minutes since the first ‘I love you’, and only seconds since you moved into his home across town, finding a place for your own things amongst his. Now, years later you sat here under his favorite blanket, sipping tea as the two of you prepared to fly halfway across the world to keep pursuing that dream he told you about over a mistaken vanilla latte. 

You're pulled from your daydream as you hear the soft padding of his feet against the hardwood floors making their way towards you. His expression softens a bit as he sees you wrapped up in the quilt, stopping to lean on the door frame. He bites his lips together and slips his phone back into his pants pocket. “I have to run a quick errand…”

Your eyes flick to the clock hanging on the wall then back to him. As if he can see your gears turning he nods his head, “I’ll be back in time, I promise.” he smiles, letting his toes kick at the tassels on the rug. “But also, Josh texted me a little bit ago, they want to meet up later tonight.”

You recoil a little, “They?”

“Yeah, uh, I think everyone is planning to be there tonight.” he answers, his tongue gently grazing his bottom lip. 

“Everyone? Really? That’s–”

“Weird, I know, must be a special occasion.” he smirks, raising an eyebrow. 

“They know it's our anniversary, right?” you ask, still a little confused why everyone was planning to make an appearance tonight when typically they couldn’t be bothered to all be in the same place at once during a break. 

“Yeah, yeah, they know. I told them we wouldn’t be there until after dinner. I mean, if you want to go.” he says, letting the decision lie in your hands. 

“Do you know where they want to go?” you ask, not that it really mattered.

“Sam mentioned Bay 6, but Josh said Jane’s. Not sure just yet. I’m sure they would be fine with wherever if you had something else in mind.”

“Do you have something else in mind?” you counter, trying to scope out his interest in the invitation.

“Not particularly, I knew we had dinner plans tonight but…I hadn’t really thought past that. Though, I will say if everyone is going, we probably should too…” He pauses, running his fingers over his mustache. “Let me run this errand and think on it, okay?”

You nod with a soft smile, taking a sip of your tea as he watches you. 

He stares at you for a minute before he pushes off the door frame and starts to walk away, stopping and turning back to look at you. “Thank you, by the way. For the tea.” 

“Oh, you’re welcome, babe.” you answer, seeing him nod his head as he walks towards the front door. “Hey…”

He stops again and looks at you, “Yeah?” he answers, grabbing his keys from the bowl by the door, the metal keychains tinkling together in his hand.

“Love you.”

You watch him swallow hard and see a trace of a smile on his lips, “Yeah, love you too. Be back in a bit.”

As the front door shut behind him you were left in the silence again, you heard his car door close and the engine start. You even listened as his car drove away. You sipped your tea until it was gone, flipping through the channels in an attempt to pass the time until you needed to start getting ready for dinner. You settled on the news, and instead picked up your phone scrolling through various social media apps, listening to the news reporter drone on about the weather impending the next week. 

Opening your texts you see a few unread messages from this morning, mostly friends asking what your plans were this weekend. You see a text from your best friend congratulating you on your anniversary, causing you to laugh because who really keeps up with their friends relationships?

Casey

8:47AM: Happy Anni sweet cheeks! Big plans tonight?

You

4:02PM: Thanks, yeah we are going to Miel, and it sounds like we are meeting up with the rest of the crew tonight for drinks.

Casey

4:05PM: Jeez I thought you were dead. Wait, everybody? All together? Lol

You

4:07PM: Yeah, that’s what I said! Even Jake thought it was strange. Said it must be a special occasion or something, but it sounds like he really wants to go so we probably will. 

Casey

4:08PM: A special occasion…On your anniversary…Of five years…

You

4:10PM: Yes…

Casey

4:11PM: I’m just saying

You

4:12PM: You don’t think…

Casey

4:13PM: I don’t have any idea, I swear, but… It’s been five years, babe.

You

4:14PM: Oh god, I’m going to go get ready. I will call you later.

Casey

4:15PM: Love ya, good luck!

Your heart was pounding in your chest, maybe she was right. What other special occasion could there be? Why else would everyone be suddenly available for drinks? Where was Jake now? What errand was he running? Maybe that is why he’s been acting so strange.

You toss the blanket off of your body and run upstairs, knowing that if tonight was what you thought it was, you needed to look even better than your best, and you needed to start now.

—

Twirling the round brush through your hair, you let the hot air of the blow dryer style your hair into silky smooth waves around your face. You let your mind wander as you worked through each section, letting it run wild with visions of what could happen tonight. Casey was right, five years was seemingly a pretty long time to date, and considering the two of you already lived together, the next logical step would be engagement. You knew you were ready, but the idea hadn’t really crossed your mind until she mentioned it. It wasn’t long until your mind was racing with thoughts of how things would change, what would stay the same, and what the rest of your life would look like. 

Satisfied with your hair, you sprayed it down with a light mist of hairspray, running your fingers through it to loosen up the waves. Had Jake orchestrated all of this? Was this his plan all along? Was he trying to throw me off by saying that Josh asked him to go? Was calling it a special occasion a slip up?

You smiled to yourself as you applied your makeup, adding a little extra blush to your cheeks for some color, even though you were positive the rush of nerves would have you flushed all night long. Could tonight be the night your life would change forever?

You heard the front door open, the chime of the security system alerting you that Jake was home. You tapped your phone screen to check the time, seeing that true to his word he was back in time to get ready to go. You stepped into the bedroom, quickly discarding your clothes and stepping into the silky cream colored dress you picked out for tonight. The thin straps sat softly across your shoulders, the dip of the neckline offering a small taste of cleavage. The hem of the dress sat just above the tops of your knees, a small slit in the fabric showing a little extra skin. You knew it would drive him crazy. He always said he loved the way satin felt in his hands and on more than one occasion mentioned how much he loved the color on you. 

You listened as he made his way upstairs, his feet carrying him slowly towards your bedroom, the smell of your perfume still hanging in the air guiding him right to you. You looked in the mirror, overly satisfied with how you looked, fluffing your waves to hang perfectly over your shoulders just as he rounded the corner into the room. Your eyes caught his in the mirror, a smile turning the corners of his lips as he took in the sight of you. You smiled back at him, reaching over to grab your gold earrings from the dish on your dresser. You put them in without breaking eye contact, completely reveling in the fact that you had captured his full attention. You both looked at each other intently for a few seconds, your heart pounding at just the sight of him. 

Suddenly he broke away, heading for the bathroom. You turned around to see him already gone, turning on the shower as he tossed his clothes to the floor. He pulled the shower curtain closed and you heard the water pouring down around him. You knew he wouldn’t be long so you busied yourself with selecting a pair of heels and finding a clutch to match. 

Throwing the last items from your purse into the clutch, you saw him step back into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was dripping down his back as he walked into the closet, glancing over at you again before looking back at his clothing options. This was something he often did, wanting to make sure he met you at the same level. 

You buckle your heels and stand up from the edge of the bed, grabbing your clutch before making your way downstairs to let him get ready. You walk slowly down stairs, trying to decide if a glass of wine will calm the nerves fluttering throughout your body. Your feet answer for you, carrying you straight to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of Chardonnay. You sip the icy white as you stare out the kitchen window, admiring the soft orangey glow the sunset is casting onto the trees. 

You can hear him walking back and forth in the closet above you, and you know he is being his typical indecisive self. You know it won't be long until he is walking down the stairs in an outfit so perfectly Jake, his eyes searching yours for your approval. You smile thinking about how you will get to enjoy moments like that forever as you toss back the rest of the wine in your glass. 

Ducking into the guest bathroom, you swipe on a new layer of lip gloss, hearing him descend down the staircase. Your heart is thumping, and you can smell his cologne as you twist the lid on your gloss and stash it back in your clutch. You turn around to lean on the sink just as he steps in to find you. 

You take in the sight of him in his black velvet blazer, his damp hair laying across his shoulders, curling up at the ends. His dark shirt is open as usual, his favorite black slacks cuffed at the bottom. “This okay?” he asks, his eyes meeting yours. 

You run your hand over the soft velvet on his chest, tugging slightly at the lapel of his jacket. “Perfect.”

He brings his hand to rest over top of yours, his fingers sliding against the back of your hand, as his other hand snakes around your waist. A gentle hum leaves his chest as he feels the satin beneath his fingers. “You look so beautiful.”

You feel your cheeks heat at his praise, and you can see the glint in his eye as he knows what he's done. He leans in, pressing a featherlight kiss to your cheek, deciding to forgo your glossy lips. “You ready?”

—

Soft guitar music is playing in the background on the drive to the restaurant, the sun completely set and the twinkling city lights on full display. His hand hasn’t left your thigh the entire ride, and you’ve caught him sneaking glances at you when he thinks you aren’t looking. Traffic isn’t too bad considering it’s a Friday night, but you’re thankful you left a little early when it's a battle to find parking. 

Thankfully, after the third circling of the parking lot, he was able to snag a spot right in front of the building. He dashes around to open the door for you, offering his hand as you step out of the car and into the gravel lot. You’re wobbly on your heels until you find your footing, but of course he has your hand, holding you steady. He does drop it though, opting to put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in tightly to his side, and that's when you feel it. A small square object in his coat pocket. 

You couldn’t believe it. You may have even stopped breathing for a second. Was this really it? You turned to look at him, the glowing street lights lighting up his perfect face. 

“What?” he asks, a playful smile on his lips. 

You shake your head quickly with a shy smile, “Nothing. Nothing, just… Happy. And I love you. And I can’t believe I’ve gotten to love you for five years.”

You feel his grip on you tighten as he nods his head. “Best years of my life.”

He grabs the door handle and lets you walk inside, holding it for another couple as they leave. You tell the hostess the reservation name and seconds later you feel his warm hand sliding across your lower back. The hostess leads the two of you to a table towards the back of the quiet, dim restaurant, the tables peppered with red flowers and tea light candles. It really is the perfect atmosphere for what would likely be the best and most memorable night of your life. 

Jake pulls your chair out for you before taking his own seat, fixing his wind blown hair and adjusting his blazer. He pats his hand over his jacket pockets instinctively, his eyes shooting to yours to see if you noticed. You play it off as if you’re perusing the drink menu and you can see him visibly relax as he lets out a content sigh. 

“See anything you like?” he asks, opening his own menu. 

“I think so. Maybe the South by Southwest or maybe the Hanky Panky?” you answer, throwing him a playful smile. 

“The Hanky Panky, hmmm…” he smiles, looking down to the menu to read off the ingredients. “You do like Gin…But the Southwest has Scotch which you also like…Guess it just depends how much you are planning to enjoy yourself tonight.”

“I don’t know, what do you think? Should I get the Scotch drink? Let loose? Enjoy the night?” you tease, trying to press him for a shred of information. 

“Mmm, I think you should go with the Gin. You remember what happened last time you drank Scotch.” he smiles, giving you a wink. 

“I actually don’t, and I think that's part of the problem.” you laugh, closing the drink menu. “Hanky Panky it is. What about you?”

“This tequila drink looks good. Honey Trap?” he says, glancing down to the menu again.

“Sounds like you.” you blush, flicking your eyes up to him. 

He grabs your hand over the table, squeezing it tightly as he looks at you. He parts his lips to speak just as your server approaches the table. Jake turns to him and orders both of your drinks, just like he always does, making your heart flutter inside your chest. The server disappears and again, he places his hand over yours. 

“You look so beautiful tonight, Y/N.” he breathes, the tealight candle flickering in his eyes. “I mean, you always do, but, you just…You’re as beautiful tonight as you were that very first day in the coffee shop. I think about that day a lot, you know.”

“Do you?” you ask, letting a smile form on your lips. 

“Yeah, of course I do.”

You rub your thumb over his, feeling your chest grow warm. His thumb swipes over your fingers, looking down at them for a split second, and you feel your heart beating a little harder. His eyes drift back up to yours as he swallows nervously and you think this might be the moment. 

“Y/N…” he says, squeezing your hand. 

“Yes?” you squeak out.

“Are you okay, you’re breathing really heavy.” he asks, his face becoming a little more serious. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m okay. Promise.” you smile, as he pulls his hand away from yours and opens his dinner menu. You feel your heart drop a little, but try not to let it discourage you. You do the same, letting your eyes scan over the menu, knowing that part of the reason you both chose this place is because the menu changes every day. You’d both been dying to try it and decided this was the perfect occasion.

The server returns with your drinks, the two of them looking almost too pretty to drink, but that doesn't stop Jake of course, sipping away at his yellow colored drink almost immediately. Yours took on a more orange hue, the glass rimmed with a sugary mixture. You bring it to your lips and sip the orange flavored drink, hoping the gin will calm your nerves and help you get through dinner. 

A few minutes later the server returns to take your order, giving his recommendations and informing you of the special of the day. With both dishes ordered, and another round of drinks on the way, you feel yourself relaxing a bit as you watch Jake’s cheek grow rosy. 

“I’m glad we did this.” you admit, “I miss this when you go.”

He swallows nervously, a wave of guilt washing over him. “I know, I know. It’s the worst part of all of it.” he says, lacing his fingers with yours. His eyes flick up to yours but he seems a little distant, as if there is something he’s not saying. 

You bite your lips together, “But we’re gonna have fun in Europe, right?” 

“Yeah, we will. It’s so beautiful there, you’ll fit right in.” he smiles, squeezing your hand. He reaches into his pocket and you suck in a harsh breath. Your heart leaps in your chest but quickly falls when he pulls his phone out. His eyes quickly glance over the screen before returning it to his pocket.

“They decided on Jane’s. Is that okay with you?” he asks, biting his lips together. 

“Yeah, yeah that’s–that’s great. That’s fine, we haven’t been there in a really long time. One of our first dates.” you answer, swallowing back the lump in your throat. “And everyone is still going?”

“Yeah, they’ll all be there.” he nods, as the server steps up to the table, dropping off the steaming hot plates of food. It smells delicious and looks even better.

“Wow, Jake, this looks amazing.”

“It really does. Happy Anniversary, my love.” he grins, picking up his fork and knife. 

You take a sip of your drink before cutting into your own meal, the two of you savoring every single bite of your dinners until your plates are clean. You continue your casual conversation over the rest of your drinks and you can tell that as the night progresses Jake is starting to become more and more antsy. He’s fidgeting more than usual, his knee bouncing underneath the table, and his mind seems to be going a mile a minute as he speaks. 

Your server approaches your table with two glasses of Champagne, and a slice of chocolate cake, a swirl of the words, ‘Happy Anniversary’ written in chocolate. You and Jake smile at each other, picking up the Champagne glasses, and tapping them gently to each other.

“Wait.” he says, stopping both of you from drinking. “Let me…I just want to tell you something.”

Your heart starts to race again, and you swallow nervously as you nod your head. 

“I just want to say thank you. I know that these past five years haven't been the easiest. I know that this life is hard, but you glide through every single day with such grace and dignity, I sometimes envy you. I never would have thought that my screw up at a coffee shop would have led me to you, but every single day I thank my lucky stars that it did. I love you so much, Y/N. These have truly been the best five years of my life.” he says, a waver of emotion in his voice.

“I love you too, Jake. I can’t imagine my life without you, and I can’t wait to see where life takes us. But first, to Europe…” you smile, tapping your glass to his again. 

“To Europe.” he repeats, sipping down the bubbles from his flute.

He clears his throat and sets the empty glass on the table, and you realize this is it. This is the moment. 

“I uh, I have something for you, I picked it out, actually had it made just for you. I hope that you’ll like it, I just kind of always thought of you having something like this.” he stammers, reaching into his coat pocket to reveal a small black velvet box. Your breath catches in your throat as you eyes flick to his. 

“Jake…”

He starts to open the small velvet box, but you’re taken aback. Why isn’t he on one knee? Why is he being so casual?

As the box springs open, it’s not a ring that you see. It’s a bracelet. A small sterling silver bracelet of two cables braided together. It's a beautiful piece, there is no denying that, but suddenly anything other than a ring seems wrong.

“D-Do you like it?” he asks, watching as you pull the heavy metal bracelet from the box. You slide it onto your wrist, and hold your arm out for him to see. 

“Jake, it’s beautiful.” you answer, trying to stifle back the giant lump in your throat. "So beautiful."

There’s no ring. You were all wrong. 

“I went and picked it up today. It’s been ready for a few weeks. That's where I went this afternoon.” he smiles, examining the silver cuff on your wrist. 

“It’s really really pretty Jake, I love it. Thank you.” you smile, blinking away the tears in your eyes. 

There's no ring.

You felt like such a fool. You should have known better than to get your hopes up. Of course there was no ring. Had you ever even discussed rings?

You stare down at the bracelet on your wrist as the two of you continue to talk over the slice of cake. The shiny silver cuff catches the light as your mind continues to wander. You wonder what kind of ring he would have picked. You wonder why you let yourself believe that this was happening tonight. Then you started to wonder if it ever would happen. The server brings the check, and Jake pays the bill, finishing off the last of his drink before helping you up from your seat. 

Earlier in the night you thought you would be leaving this restaurant engaged, but instead you are walking out the door the exact same way you came through it. And while being Jake’s girlfriend is still one of the best parts of your life, you realize that leaving as his fiancé would have felt a little better. 

You walk hand in hand back to the car, Jake’s thumb grazing yours with every step. He opens the car door for you and helps you inside before joining you and starting the car. The soft music fills the space as you make the trek across town towards Jane’s. Neither of you really says much on the ride. You figure Jake is probably still in a food coma, and you’re lost so deep in your thoughts that you can hardly speak. He doesn’t seem to notice, and if he did, he didn’t show it. 

The gravel crunches beneath his tires as he pulls into Jane’s, the loud music inside the bar audible from inside the car. As he turns off the engine he looks at you tucking your hair over your shoulder as he smirks at you. “You ready?” he asks, letting his warm hand settle on your bare shoulder. “You seem out of it.”

“I’m fine, just um, the drinks are catching up to me, that's all.” you lie. He nods his head and pulls the keys from the ignition, shutting his door behind him before making his way over to you. Again, he helps you out of the car, but this time as you make your way to the door he doesn't take your hand. You try not to think too much of it as you follow him inside. The bar is fairly crowded, and the music is so loud you can hardly think. You place your hand on Jake’s back, trying to follow after him as he weaves through the thick crowd, and finally as you reach the back of the bar it clears up a bit. You see Josh and Daniel, the two of them sitting at a booth sipping from beer bottles, but quickly standing to greet you when they see Jake walking up.

Josh shakes Jake’s hand as Danny pulls you in for a hug. You revel in the comfort of his grip, always loving the way he wrapped you up completely. Josh quickly steals you away from Danny and kisses your cheek as he greets you. “Hello love birds...”

“Hi Josh…” you smile, sliding into the booth next to Jake. “Can’t believe I’ve got you three in the same room right now. Just need Sam for the full set.” you joke. 

“He’ll be here in a minute. He just texted.” Danny says, tapping his phone screen as it lies on the table. 

Jake leans over and whispers into your ear that he’s going to go grab you two some drinks, and with a squeeze of your leg he disappears into the crowd of people. 

Danny tosses back the rest of his beer and turns to look at the two of you. “Actually I need a refill too. Josh?”

Josh nods his head as Danny slides out of the booth, leaving you and Josh alone in the sticky vinyl seat. “So…” he smiles, wiggling his eyebrows.

“So?” you ask, propping your head up on your elbow. 

“Are you ready?” he asks, patting his hand across the top of your thigh.

“Ready?” you ask, and suddenly your chest is swirling with unease.

Ready for what?

“Yeah, for the big surprise?” he answers, his expression confused. 

Surprise? Maybe you were wrong again. 

You smile and shake your head nervously. “I don’t know, I guess so?”

“It’s about time, right?” he laughs, nodding towards Jake as he approaches the table with two very full drinks. 

Then it hits you. Maybe he wanted to wait and do it with his brothers.

“Yeah, yeah, I guess it is, isn’t it...” you agree, sliding over just a bit to let Jake slide in. You feel a whole new wave of hope wash over you. Maybe not all is lost just yet.

“What were you two chatting about, huh? Looking awfully chummy over here.” Jake smiles, setting your drink in front of you. “Bar was slammed, got us both the same thing. It’s Tequila, hope that's okay.”

“Gin and Tequila in one night? I thought you said I shouldn’t get drunk tonight?” you smile, leaning into his side and letting your lips brush against his cheek. 

His hand snakes over onto your thigh, his fingertips squeezing into your skin as he leans into your ear once again. “Never said that. Just want you to remember, that’s all.”

You slowly pull the small black straw to your lips, sipping as you stare at him. His eyes grow dark and you two seem to be lost in your own little world until Daniel steps up to the table and breaks the tension. “Alright, Sam just texted. They're parking.”

“So what are we saying? Surprise? Happy Birthday? What’s the plan?” Josh asks, turning to Daniel and Jake. 

“What?” you ask, feeling your heart drop again. 

“For Claire? For her birthday?” Josh pauses, looking at Jake and then to you. “Why do you think we’re all here?”

“Oh, yeah, right. Claire’s birthday...” you repeat, your mind completely empty and your eyes welling with tears.

You were wrong, again. 

“Probably just Happy Birthday, right?” Daniel answers, earning a nod from Josh and Jake. 

“Wait, you didn’t know that’s why we’re all here?” Josh asks. 

“No, I– Jake didn’t say, he just said it must be a special occasion or something, I–” you stammer, your mind still swimming with hurt. Again. 

“Oh, yeah, Claire’s birthday is today. Sam wanted us to all get together tonight to celebrate. Figures she always does big parties for him, so it was his turn to finally plan something for her.” he says, his cheeks tinged pink from the alcohol in his system. 

“Yeah, no that makes sense.” you say, blinking back tears and swallowing the lump in your throat. 

“I was wondering why you two are all dressed up.” Danny says, looking at the two of you who are dressed way more formally than he and Josh. 

“...It’s our anniversary.” you answer, turning to Jake who tips his head in agreement. Hadn’t he told them?

Josh furrows his brow, but before he can speak Sam and Claire are walking up to the table, all four of you quickly standing up to shout ‘Happy Birthday’. 

“Oh my gosh! You guys! Sam! Wow! Are you all here for me?!” Claire asks, completely shocked to see all of you together. 

“Sure are! You know we wouldn’t miss a chance to celebrate!” Danny answers, pulling her in for a hug.

After a round of hellos and drinks for the birthday girl you’re all sitting in the booth together talking and laughing. Well, everyone except you. You do your best to stay engaged in the conversation, adding what you can here and there, but as the alcohol enters your bloodstream the feelings are getting harder and harder to push down. Your chest is swirling with hurt, and the worst part is that you did it to yourself. Didn’t you?

You watch Jake as he laughs with his brothers, the four of them shouting and drinking with each other as if nothing in the world could bring them down. A few minutes later Jake slips away from the table with a squeeze to your hand, stepping up to the bar to order another round of drinks. 

“So your anniversary, huh?” Josh asks, turning to you as Sam, Danny and Claire get up to go shoot pool. 

“Yep. Five years today.” you answer, swirling your straw around in the melting ice. 

“Damn, five years? That’s a long ass time, Y/N.” he pauses, a playful smile graces his lips as he tilts his head to you. “And he brought you here?” 

“Well, we went to dinner first but you know he can’t pass up an invitation from you.” You laugh, elbowing his side. “And yeah, it is a long time. I feel like it went by so quick, but when I stop and think about it…I’ve been with you guys for so long. Seen it all, you know? From the very beginning.” 

“Yeah, actually, there are really very few memories in these last few years that you aren’t in.” he laughs, nudging your arm with his elbow. “I like it that way though. You’re like family to us now.”

You huff an annoyed laugh, “Yeah, in every way but the one that counts.”

He cocks his head to the side, “What do you mean?”

Realizing that your thoughts have made it through your lips you shake your head. “Nothing. It’s fine. I’m drunk.”

He nods his head, and you know that he knows what you mean. He’d always been good at that. Reading between the lines. “He loves you, Y/N.”

“I know he does.” you nod, swallowing back your emotions. 

Jake walks back towards the table and you try to regain your composure. He places the drink in front of you and kisses your head, “Gonna go shoot pool with them for a bit, okay?”

You nod quickly and he nods back, turning back and heading towards the pool tables. Josh sips his beer and lets out a sigh, “I think I might go join them, you coming?”

“Nah, I think I’m gonna just sit here and people watch for a while. The tequila is getting to me.” you smile, shooing him away. He nods and squeezes your shoulder, sliding out of the booth and making his way over to the group of rowdy guys. 

You sip your drink as you watch them, all of them smiling and laughing and you want so badly to be over there with them doing the same, but you just can’t seem to shake this feeling. You can’t tell if you’re mad, or disappointed, or maybe even both. You fidget with the silver bracelet on your wrist, watching as the colorful lights overhead reflect off of the shiny braids. Your head is starting to feel light as your mind wanders. You hold your hands up in front of you trying to even picture what a ring might have looked like there, but for some reason you can’t. 

A commotion from the front of the bar grabs your attention and you scoff. What irony. A bachelorette party. You watch as the bride-to-be and her best friends take over the small dance floor, completely wasted as they dance along to whatever 2000’s hit the DJ is playing. You can’t seem to peel your eyes away from the bride, watching as she dances in her little white dress and her glittering ring. It feels like a slap in the face. You couldn’t imagine what you had done to deserve this tonight as you sit alone in this dive bar on your anniversary. Completely and thoroughly un-engaged. 

Your mood goes from bad to worse as you turn back towards the pool tables and see that they are all standing around the bar ordering more drinks. How long was he planning to be here? Did he really want to do this tonight? How long was he going to let you sit at this table alone? Didn’t he want to take you home? 

You watch the way Jake talks to the bartender, his perfect smile on his lips, talking with his hands in the way he does when he’s had a little too much to drink. It’s then, as you watch him that you realize that this is it. This is how your night will play out. He will have one or two more drinks, he’ll pick a fight with Josh or Sam, then he’ll ask you to order the Uber. You’ll guide him into the house and help him undress and he will pass out before you have even taken your makeup off. Just like any other day. And definitely not a night you would remember forever.

You watch them all take shots at the bar, and it’s only then that he realizes you aren’t there. He grabs the full shot glass from the bar top and walks over to the table, a concerned look on his face. He sits down next to you, sliding you the shotglass of what you can assume is whiskey. 

“What’s going on? Why're you all alone over here?”

“That’s a great question, isn’t it Jake?” you snap, your tone venomous. 

“Woah, what’s up? Are you mad at me? I was just shooting pool for a little while.” he counters, turning towards you. 

“No Jake. I don’t care about the pool. Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” you lie, trying not to make a scene. 

Sam, Claire and Danny all make their way back to the table, and you can tell from the volume of their voices that they are pretty far gone. They slide in next to you, still carrying on their conversation as Jake works to grab your focus again. “Hey. Look at me. I can tell you’re upset. Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not, I’m fine. I think I just… I don’t know, I saw tonight going differently. But you needed to relax, you needed this, so you should have fun.”

“Differently? How so?” he asks, his eyes glassy, and his tone growing a little defensive. 

“Well, for one I didn’t realize we’d be celebrating someone’s birthday on our anniversary. I didn’t realize I would have to compete for your attention tonight of all nights.” you quip, hoping Claire wasn’t paying attention. 

Josh slides in next to Jake, sipping from his fresh beer and tossing his arm across the back of the booth. “What are we talking about?” he asks, completely unaware. 

“Nothing.” you answer quickly, shooting daggers at Jake.

He huffs out a sigh and takes a long sip of his drink. “Look, I’m sorry you’re not having a good time, you got a pretty new bracelet, what else can I do?” he asks, the point going completely over his head. 

And before you could stop them the words spilled out of your mouth. The words that would seal the fate of the rest of your night. “And you and I both know that it should have been a ring, don’t we Jake?”

The table goes silent, all eyes suddenly fixed on you. Your heart is pounding in your chest. Damn him for that tequila. He did this. He set you up. 

“What?” he asks, shock painting his features. 

Your mouth is dry and the words suddenly disappear from your brain. You wish you could take it back, but you can’t, and now it’s time to own it. “You heard me.” 

“A ring… What– Why would it be a ring, Y/N?” he asks, almost seemingly disgusted by the word. 

“I don’t know Jake, after five years, why would it be a ring?!” you shout, your emotions bubbling over quicker than you can contain them. The embarrassment is eating you alive, and you can feel the heat creeping up your neck. You have to get out of here, you can’t be here anymore. Not with them staring at you. 

“You thought I was gonna— No… What? You think I want to get married?!” He stammers and you feel like you might puke. 

“I’m sorry, Claire. I have to go. I’m sorry– Happy Birthday– I’m sorry…” you stammer, pushing your way out of the booth, not even caring to look back. 

You storm out of the restaurant, tears spilling from your eyes. You can hardly see through the salty tears as you search the parking lot for a bench, a chair, a rock, something. Anything. You just needed to get out of there. 

Stupid. You feel so stupid. Why did you do that? Why did you say that? You look like such an idiot.

You find a bench at the edge of the parking lot, it smells like cigarettes and weed as you flop down onto the plastic seat. You let the tears fall not only from embarrassment, but even worse, rejection. He had blatantly denied you in front of everyone. The people you consider your closest friends. Your family. And he did it so casually.

You bring your fingers up to swipe away at the tears, trying your best not to smear the eyeliner even worse than it probably already was. You try to take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, ready to pull your phone out of your clutch to call the Uber. You laugh at the irony that you were partly right in that you’d be calling an Uber tonight. 

Through shaky breaths you grab your phone, seeing someone walking towards you from the corner of your eye. You turn to look at them, and see Jake walking towards you looking just as furious as you’d left him. 

“Y/N! Jesus Christ, what’s going on?! What’s wrong with you?! Why did you storm out of there like that?” he seethes, finally stepping up to you. “I know you’re drunk, but fuck…”

“Go back inside. I’m calling an Uber.” you sniffle. 

“Fuck no I’m not going back inside! You’re going to tell me what's going on.” he says, shoving his hands into his pockets angrily. 

“You know what’s going on Jake! What more is there to tell?! You just rejected me in front of everybody! So just go!” you shout, the tears starting to flow again. 

He looks around, seeing a few people watching the two of you from the patio. “Let’s go. Get in the car.”

“No. I’m not going with you. I’ll take an Uber!” you shout, your words slurring together. 

“Y/N! Don’t–” he pauses, groaning as he runs a hand over his face. “Don’t do this right here. Just get in the fucking car.”

You stay firm in your seat, your eyes lasered in on his. 

“Y/N. Now.”

You let out an aggravated huff, standing up and walking over towards his car. He is hot on your heels, ripping the passenger door open and throwing it shut behind you. Your heart is racing and your head is pounding, and as he joins you in the driver's seat you know that what comes next will definitely be the only thing you’ll remember from this night. 

—

JAKE POV

Your blood is rushing through your veins like lightning, your heart pounding against your chest as you throw the car into reverse and pull out of the gravel parking lot. There was no sense in telling the guys that you were leaving. The look on their faces as she left you there told you everything you needed to know about where you stood with them in that moment. Disgust.

You pull out into traffic, a blur of headlights practically blinding you. You shouldn’t be behind the wheel, you know that, but the last ten minutes have sobered you up immensely. 

Of course she was expecting it. Of course she was. They probably all were. 

Your chest is still heaving with guilt, maybe even anger as you look over to her, tears streaking down her face as she stares out the passenger window. Fuck. You slam your hand against the steering wheel causing her to jump. You know this is your fault. You want to scream, you want to punch something, destroy something, but the joke isn’t lost on you that something is destroyed, and she’s sitting right next to you. 

Her shoulders shake as she cries, her fingers twisting together, a nervous habit she took on when she was upset. You could tell she was trying not to cry, but you’d hurt her, and she couldn’t brush it under the rug this time. Guilt washes over you again as you listen to her breathing, choppy and desperate as she chokes back sobs. You did this. You fucking did this. 

You reach for her, placing your hand on top of hers, but she pulls away, as if burned by your touch. You feel a pang of hurt pierce through you at her denial. You deserve that. 

“Y/N, please. Say something.” you beg. Your heart continues to pound as you plead for her to speak. 

She turns to look at you, her eyes swollen and red with tears, her make up smeared across her face. She blinks away the tears in her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She swallows hard, trying to compose herself enough to speak. “I–I don’t know what you want me to say, Jake.”

“I– I’m sorry! I don’t know why you thought– I mean, I don’t know— Fuck, I just I thought you’d like the bracelet!” you say, struggling to find the right words. 

“I do like it Jake! It’s beautiful! I just…” she stops, turning to look out the window to avoid your eyes.

“You what?” you urge, willing her to answer truthfully. You stop at a redlight and turn your body to look at her, small and shaking in your passenger seat.

“I just really thought it was a ring!” she admits, snapping your heart in two. 

You feel a cold chill run over your body as you pass through the light and turn on to your street. A sick feeling washes over you as you understand exactly why she’s upset. 

“I thought you were going to ask! I thought tonight was it– I just…I wanted you to ask! I felt the box in your pocket at dinner and I just knew it was a ring, but it wasn’t and now–” she cries, the tears falling harder as the truth leaves her lips. You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut, her words hitting you harder with every passing second. 

“Now everyone thinks I’m crazy! They’re probably all laughing at me right now! I’m so embarrassed, and you– you made me feel stupid! In front of everyone! Like I was crazy for ever thinking that you felt that way about me!” she shouts, slapping her hand across her leg.

You pull into the driveway throwing the car in park, and before you can shut off the engine she is stumbling out of the car, making her way to the front door. You jump out to run after her, for what reason you don’t know, it’s not like she can lock you out. But you do, and just as you slip through the front door after her, you hear the bedroom door slam shut. 

You decide to give her a minute to calm down. You need to calm down too. Collect your thoughts, level your head. You toss your keys in the bowl next to hers, depositing your wallet and your crumbled up bar receipt onto the entry table. You lock the front door behind you and shut off the lights, making your way into the kitchen to pour yourself a drink. Sure maybe you’d had enough already, and maybe those drinks are what caused this night to blow up in your face. You’d never know for sure, but now that you’d made your bed you had to lie in it. And the inevitability of what was waiting for you upstairs would have you wishing you had one more drink. 

You pull the Tequila from the shelf, pulling the cork and bringing the glass bottle to your lips. You shoot back a shot and re-cork the bottle, placing it back on the shelf for the next time you need its help. You shut off the kitchen lights and make your way towards the stairs, climbing them slowly as you figure out what you could possibly say to fix this. If there was any fixing this. 

You twist the doorknob, the hinges squeaking slightly as the door swings open. You can hear the bathroom sink running, and the room still smells like her perfume. You gently shut the door behind you, shaking your blazer from your shoulders and tossing it onto the chair against the wall. You walk hesitantly into the room, starting to unbutton your shirt as she steps out of the bathroom. She’s still in her dress, her perfect, beautiful dress, but her hair is tied back now, out of her face and off of her neck. Her eyes are still teary, and her cheeks are red as she turns to look at you. 

“Do you not love me?” she asks, her voice cracking as the question leaves her lips. She’s crumbling, quickly, and you feel your heart drop into your stomach. 

Your chest starts to warm as the question sets in, a flash of anger washing over you. “Yes I love you!” you shout, “Of course I fucking love you, Y/N! How could you even ask me that?!”

“But you don’t want to marry me.” she continues, stepping towards you.

You shake your head as you run your hand over your face. You’re unsure how to answer this one. “You know it’s more complicated than that, Y/N.” 

“No Jake. It’s not. You either love me and want to marry me, or you don’t.” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“You know I love you, goddamnit! I just can’t give you this– this fairytale you’ve created in your head! I will never be able to give you that!” you yell, the pot finally boiling over. 

“But you said that’s what you wanted!” she yells back. 

“I did! Five years ago, I did! You know I did! I just– We were so young when we met, Y/N…My life was so different then. I had these big dreams and I– I never knew they would become reality! I didn’t know the band was going to make it…You know this has been my dream my entire life. I finally have that now. I hold it in the palm of my hand, day in and day out. I have to choose this every single day. If I don’t, it’s gone.” you pause, your face growing red as you shout. 

“Back then, I never imagined that this is what my life would be like, but it’s what I always wanted. And I don’t see it slowing down. Not for a really long time, if ever. But then you came into the picture and I had something else to work for. Something to strive for. I wanted to have that life with you. The house, the kids, all of it. Then shit started to change. I started to get more busy. The band was touring all over the place, you remember, and it’s only gotten crazier since. My priorities had to change to keep up. There was no other option!”

“Nothing would change, Jake!” she cries, her chest heaving.”Nothing would have to change!” 

“Everything would change! Everything!” you scream. “I can’t have this– This life back home that I leave behind for six months out of the year! I can’t have a wife that needs me home…Kids who grow up in my absence and want to know where I am! I can’t do that to you. I won’t do that to you. Or to anyone. I have to give my all to this band. I have to give it everything. I promised myself that I would when I was fifteen years old!” you pause, catching your breath. “You have to understand that it’s not because I don’t love you, Y/N. Its because I love you so fucking much! Because I can’t stand the thought of you having anything other than exactly what you want! You deserve that life, Y/N!”

“Jake–”

“No! Listen to me! You deserve to have a husband that loves you more than anything! A husband that's home every single night with you. Who will help you cook dinner and– and tuck your kids into bed. A husband who will fuck you every single night exactly how you like it and who won’t make you wait months at a time to see him! I can’t give you that! I will never be that! As long as this band plays, it’s not in the cards for me. This is my life. This is what I wanted, and now I have to pay the price that comes with it.” 

“Then I don’t want it, Jake! I don’t need that! I just need you! I love you!” she cries, throwing herself into your arms. Her body is shaking as she cries, and you can feel the pain radiating from her skin as her hands grip into your arms. “No marriage, no kids! I just need you!”

“No, Y/N! No! You’re lying! You do want those things! You’ve told me a thousand times over the past five years! You do want those things. You deserve to have those things. You will have them. You should have the life you always wanted. The life I thought we would have together, Y/N. My life changed, and my priorities had to follow whether I liked it or not. You know that I wanted this with you. You know that. But you also know what this band means to me. To my brothers. I can’t give you what you need… I just…can’t and I don’t think I ever will.”

“You’ll never ask me…” her voice is a whisper. 

“No. I won’t.” you answer truthfully. Your voice is as quiet as hers, and you can feel her heart breaking as if it’s your own. “It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. This is just how my life has to be right now.”

“So maybe not forever?” she asks, her voice strained.

“Baby, please don't do this.”

“Do what, Jake!” she cries, throwing her hands in the air.

“Corner me into a promise I can't make!” you shout, letting the words spill from your lips.

“Can't or won't...” she asks.

“Y/N...”

She pushes away from you, pacing the room as the tears stream down her face. “So– so that's it then.”

You let out a pained sigh, “No, I don’t want it to be it, but we both know that I can’t give you the life that you want, Y/N. I can't stand the idea of wasting your time.”

“Then what, you'll go find someone else who wants the same–”

“No. There won't be someone else. I can't...I won't do this to someone else.” you answer, knowing it sounds a lot worse than you intend.

She turns to look at you, her eyes completely blurred with tears as she tries to figure out what to say, but no words come out when her lips part. You’ve broken her. She swallows back her tears and turns to head towards the bathroom, a sob leaving her chest as she steps through the doorway. 

You swipe the tears away from your own eyes, feeling the lump in your throat grow large enough that you can’t ignore it anymore. A tear sneaks away from your lashes, falling quickly down your cheek as you take in the reality of the situation. This is it. 

You hear the sink turn on and decide to give her a minute, needing one yourself. You step into the closet and strip out of your clothes, pulling a t-shirt over your head and a pair of sweats over your legs. You flick the switch to turn off the light, tying your hair into a knot at the back of your head as you re-enter the room. 

You find her still in the bathroom as you lean against the doorway, watching her struggle through removing her makeup as she cries. Instinctively you move towards her, grabbing the wet cloth from her hand as she tries to brace herself through tears over the sink. 

She swats her hand in the air haphazardly as if trying to shoo you away, but you know her better than that, and you know that this is one thing you can do for her. 

“Jump up.” you say, patting your hand on the countertop. 

“No. Just go.” she cries, her voice choppy and thick with emotion. 

You grab her chin with your fingers and bring her eyes up to meet yours. “Please? Just let me…” you breathe, blinking away the tears in your eyes as you see just how broken she is. 

She jumps up onto the bathroom counter, her legs dangling over the edge as she sniffles and hiccups. You wet the washcloth in the warm sink water, ringing it out before starting to gently brush it over her cheeks, wiping away what little makeup she had left there. She looked so beautiful tonight, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander back through every memory you had of her looking into your eyes like you were the only person in the world. You knew you’d never see that again. You’d just shattered her world in the blink of an eye. 

You dabbed away the mascara at her eyes, her eyes closing to let you. You steady yourself with a hand on her thigh, her skin warm from crying, feeling her soft skin beneath your fingers. You feel sick. How could you do this to her? How could you give this up?

Her eyes flutter open, red and glossy as she looks at you. Her bottom lip is trembling as you run the wet cloth over them, taking away the pink gloss that was left. You set the washcloth on the counter next to her, cupping her jaw in your hand as your other hand stays firmly planted on her thigh. “You know that I love you, right?”

She nods, a sniffle leaving her chest again. “You love me. Just not enough.”

She pushes your hands away and jumps down from the sink. She disappears out of the bathroom and into the closet, changing out of her dress and into something to sleep in. You make your way to the bed, sitting on the edge as you wait for her to emerge, and when she does a whole new wave of pain washes over you. In your boxers and your t-shirt she stands in the doorway looking at you. You can tell her mind hasn’t stopped. Not even for a second. “Do you think it will ever change?”

Heaviness spreads through your body, “No. I don’t think so and even if it did I think it would still be too late for you to consider having children, and that’s not something I am willing to take away from you. You deserve that, Y/N.”

You stand from the bed, pulling back the blankets and sheets that she no doubt made up this afternoon just for tonight. It feels like a knife has been stabbed through you as you think about how differently this night could have ended. You pull her side of the sheets down as she walks over to the bed, waiting for her to slide in before pulling them up over her shoulders. You knew there was nothing you could say to convince her that your love for her was still there. Still growing and blooming every single day. You loved her, more than you loved anything, but because of that you knew you had to tell her the truth. And the truth was that you couldn’t give her anything more than you already had.

You slid in next to her, and typically she would roll into you, falling asleep in the crook of your arm, but you knew that wouldn’t be the case tonight. She kept her distance, sniffling softly on her pillow as you pulled the sheets up over your chest. You missed her, her smell, the feeling of her hands on your chest. You want to reach for her, to hold her and tell her you love her and that you wish things could be different, but you don’t. You just keep to your side of the bed, letting the ache of your heart take over your body. 

She turns off the lamp on her nightstand, another sniffle leaving her chest. She repositions herself in the bed, turning to her back the same way you are. Her breathing is choppy as she stares up into the darkness of the room. The flashing of headlights lights up the room every few minutes, but the room is silent. You listen to her breathe and she listens to you. Neither of you willing to say another word. You know neither of you will sleep much tonight, despite the alcohol swirling through your system. 

You feel like you might be dozing off as you feel the bed dip and she rolls over to face you. You force your eyes open and turn your head to look at her. “What now, Jake?” she breathes, her voice hoarse from all the yelling earlier. 

“I don’t know, I– I didn’t think about it that far, I just– You needed to know the truth. And now you know.” you whisper. 

You turn on your side to face her, bunching your pillow up beneath your head. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

The two of you just lay there, looking at each other in the darkness of the room. Only the sounds of your mutual sniffling filling the air. Again, you want to reach for her. Just to hold her hand, but you can’t make yourself do it. You’ve hurt her too bad. You don’t deserve to feel the comfort of her touch. 

Then, a thought crosses your mind. Something you hadn’t considered. Something that would inevitably make everything so much worse. Fuck. What do you say? How do you do this? Do you just say it?

“Baby…” you breathe, watching as her eyes flick up to meet yours. 

“I think– I think that maybe it would be better if… If maybe I went on this tour…alone.” you manage, watching as the air is stolen from her lungs. 

“You don’t…want me… t-to come…” she whimpers, the glint of a tear rolling down her cheek catching your eye. 

You let out a sigh, completely conflicted about how you feel. You hate this. This is quite possibly the worst and hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. 

“Baby I want you to come. Of course I want you to come. But, considering everything…I think maybe it would be better for both of us to have some space from each other. Give us both a chance to gain a little clarity on everything and figure out what we want… and what’s best… for both of us.” you offer, knowing damn good and well that this will crush her even more. 

She doesn’t say anything, she just stares at you with teary eyes as she bites her lips together. Her chest is heaving and her eyes are blinking rapidly. She wants to say something, but again, she can’t. Instead she turns her face into her pillow as a sob rips through her, the feathers working to muffle the piercing wail leaving her body. She turns onto her stomach, clutching the pillow in her arms as the bed shakes with the force of her cries. A tear slips from your own eyes as you feel your chest rip open in pain. You know that you can never go through this, ever again. 

Unable to stand it any longer, you place your hand on her back, feeling her warmth through the t-shirt, but also feeling the shaking pain that you’ve caused her. Your words alone have taken her entire life and shaken it around until there was nothing left but dust. There is no one to blame but yourself. She cries hard into her pillow as you rub her back, hoping your touch will grant her a bit of comfort that you know she needs. 

It feels like hours have passed and you know she can’t possibly have any tears left. You hardly have any left yourself. You continue to rub her back until the shaking stops and the crying subsides just enough that you know she will be okay. You don’t let your hand leave her though. You know that both of you need that contact. In this moment you need her, and she needs you. 

As her breathing starts to even out, you know she's finally drifting off to sleep. Tomorrow will come, and it will be ugly, but it will come nonetheless and you will both have to face it. The good parts and the bad parts. 

The sun is just shy of peeking over the horizon as your own eyes start to close, a dip in the bed waking you as you feel her tired body rolling towards you. With zero hesitation you pull her into you, letting her head fall to your chest and her hands grip into your waist, your body welcoming her the same way it always has. The way you both know each other desperately needs. 

You know what you have to do, but you question if you’re strong enough to do it. If you can do it. You know you have to, for her, but as her chest rises and falls as it lies softly on top of yours, you wonder if your world will continue spinning when she's no longer a part of it.

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Taglist: @gretavanmoon @wetkleenex-gvf @eyelinerjake @farfromthehomelands @sacredstarcatcher @britney-gvf @stardustjake @jakesmustache @starshine-wagner @mweasley19 @emsfallingsky @joopsenthusiast @ageofbajabule @ladywhimsymoon @vanfleeter @myleftsock @joshskittytickler @ageoflou @freefallthoughts @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @literal-dead-leaf @welllauragvf @writingcold @bizzielisteningtogreta @neptune2324 @itsafullmoon @violet-hayes @gvfmarge @demonrat444 @mybussyinchrist @cl0ver-j4de @earthgrlsreasy @what-i-read-home-of-reblogs-mama @mama-likes72 @lenagvf @laurngvf @racheljuneeee @farfromthehomelands @cat3rpillarbaby @cassiesgreta @jarmonicasweat @violet-hayes @ghostly--photography @josh-iamyour-mama @raviolilegs @gvfmarge @milkgemini @jaketlove @watchingover-hypegirl @ageoflou @cl0ver-j4de @takenbythemadness @lightmyloverry

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[gretavanmoon]

This…….I needed this. And I didn’t even know I needed it.

Times I Remember Well

(and Some That I Don’t)

Part 3

author’s note: Thank you for reading this ridiculous story. Now for the good stuff.

pairing: female!OCxjake

time frame: 2016-2018

word count: almost 7.8k this part

warnings: language, underage drinking (implied), mentions of sex and sexual situations, nudity, oral (m. and f. receiving), unprotected penetrative sex

You know how most people’s lives change pretty drastically when they move away for college?

What, were you expecting me to claim that I was different, special in some way?

I’m not.

If you’re wondering, Sam and I were fine. I guess he’d matured enough to keep speaking to me when he found out I’d almost fucked his brother. I was still immature enough to give him a classic three day long silent treatment over the whole Sam said he thought you were fucking that guy you dated thing.

I even made him agree to never bring me up to Jake again. Ever.

Anyway, my first semester of college kind of kicked my ass. I was smart enough, but I couldn’t decide on a major and it made the whole experience feel like a waste of time. I didn’t meet anyone worth much of my effort to get to know, and I spent a lot of nights alone in my dorm room. I barely even liked my roommate. Meanwhile, Sam was at home breezing through his last year of high school and preparing to actually go on tour.

Like a real tour. It was my worst nightmare. And I had to hear all about it when I came home for winter break. 

But he was excited, of course he was. And I was proud of him. And Josh, and Danny. I couldn’t bring myself to have positive feelings for Jake. After he’d rejected and embarrassed me (again), I’d run off to school determined to lose my v-card to literally anyone who’d never been to Frankenmuth or heard of their band. Fortunately for me, almost no one had heard of either.

So, I did. And Matthew Nowak had been a very cursory and lazy fuck, but he got the job done. I mean, he popped the cherry or whatever, he didn’t make me come, and I never gave him another opportunity to try.

I almost didn’t even go home for Christmas, my dad had been begging me to come see him, but I knew if I didn’t go home, I might never see my best friend again.

Was that a little dramatic? Sure, but the dates for tour were going to start around my birthday, before he even graduated, and he wouldn’t be home for the entire summer. There were talks of getting signed, to a fucking label. Releasing their music to the world. Jake’s dreams were coming true and he was stealing my best fucking friend from me.

He really was an asshole.

I went back to school in the spring a little sad, nostalgic for a time when things were easy and fun, and I always had a weekend smoke sesh in the Kiszka garage to look forward to. There was nothing for me to look forward to in Ann Arbor. Until I met Soph.

Sophie and I were paired up within the first few days of one of our classes, and thank God we were. We clicked instantly, she was almost like a female version of Sam with even better hair.

She got me out of my slump, out of my dorm room and out of my own head.

As we started hanging out more outside of class, we learned about each other’s lives at home, and she let me talk endlessly about Sam. About moving away from Traverse and finding the best friend I’d ever had, growing up with him, becoming an adult at his side.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but eventually I ran out of stories and didn’t feel the need to talk about him much anymore.

For a few months, we worked hard and partied harder, and I felt more and more like myself, or my new self, with her help. My new self must have been putting out certain vibes that attracted attention, because I wasn’t hurting for it. Not that I really had back home, but home had narrowed my view, the Kiszkas my whole world. Even when I did date boys, Sam was there to tell me he didn’t like them, then Josh was there shining brighter than the sun, blinding me to them.

Then Jake was there. Ruining me for everyone else, just by existing.

In Ann Arbor, Soph had the opposite effect. Every guy was cute, cute enough to talk to, flirt with, party with. A select few were hot enough to make out with, let them touch our bodies, we would touch theirs. Dance with them, let them pull us close, throw our arms around them and tell them to take us somewhere quieter. 

There was that one time, I’d gone back to this guy’s dorm and he’d put a playlist on shuffle. Ya know, so we wouldn’t be heard. And right before I put his dick in my mouth, fucking Highway Tune started playing. 

Instant no. I left him there with a hard-on and zero promises of returning.

But anyway, Soph and I had fun every weekend, studied every weeknight. By the end of the second semester, we’d decided on my major, and made sure we would share more classes in the fall.

When summer break rolled around, we spent the first half with her family in Grand Rapids and the second, reluctantly, with my mom. Home was weird without Sam, but he was off galavanting across the U.S. Communication between us had been sparse, though he did call me once every few weeks to fill me in, and let’s be honest, brag. I didn’t mind the bragging, much, but even with how well things were going at school, I’d have given anything to drop it all and be with him. 

Even if it meant tolerating Jake. 

Life goes on, time keeps on slipping, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning and all that. 

College was hard, but Soph and I really buttoned up in the fall. More studying, fewer boys, a little less fun, but Michigan gets cold fast and running wild all over campus didn’t hold the same appeal. We vowed to live it up in the spring, maybe settle down and get some boyfriends. Maybe not.

“Holy shit holy shit!”

We were in the library, Soph across the table from me with wide eyes, laptops, books and notes spread out between us.

“Shhh! What? What the fuck?” She leaned in conspiratorially and I turned my phone around to show her the screen. 

“They’re playing in Detroit. They’re coming home!”

“Will you be quiet? Who, Sam’s band?”

That made me laugh every time. I always called it Sam’s band, because he would’ve loved it and someone else I knew would have loathed it.

They hadn’t been home in forever, they were hardly even in the states, and when they’d played the Fillmore in the spring I’d been so bogged down with new classes and so much fucking homework, I couldn’t justify leaving campus let alone the city. 

But they were coming back, and I’d be on winter break. Sam had sent me their schedule, which I’d thrust into Soph’s hands.

“Aww, reunion! I wish I could go with you.” Her pouty face was unmatched, but she was going with her parents to visit family in Ohio for the holidays. For a moment, that realization made me panic. I wanted to go, needed to see my best friend, but to do it alone? Why did that make me nervous?

Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in two years. Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in more than two. I doubted I’d even get to spend much time with Sam, and I doubted further that I’d be able to get him away from the others.

Not that I wouldn’t want to hang out with Danny, or even Josh. But… well, you know.

I wondered if they were going home for the brief break between Detroit and Seattle, and I made a mental note to ask Sam. 

I’d insisted on buying my own ticket to the show, their third added at the Fox after the first two sold out, but Sam wouldn’t hear of it. He set me up with a ticket and access to see them backstage, and I tried not to let it get to my head. It's not like they were famous or anything.

Selling out multiple shows.

I FaceTime’d Sophie so she could help me decide what to wear - I hadn’t put this kind of pressure on an outfit since the night I kissed… yeah, you saw how that went.

We landed on skin tight faux leather pants, an extremely low-cut black and tan floral print top with a fitted bodice and wide, flowy sleeves, and chunky black boots. I planned to top it off with a vintage fur coat Sam and I had found thrifting a few years back. We’d always joked that it originally belonged to the old lady they named their band after. 

“Okayyyyy, so what about your underwear?” 

I stopped spinning in front of my phone, where I’d been showing Sophie the whole get up.

“What the fuck do you mean, my underwear? Who cares?”

“Babe, it’s a rock show! What if you meet a super hot guy with like, tattoos and a tongue ring that wants to rock your world?” I watched her eyebrows waggle as she stuck her own tongue out at me. 

“Yeah I don’t think that’s really their demographic.” 

But… an idea started to form. Sexy underwear would make me feel sexy. Who would be irritated to see me, looking and feeling sexy, arguably hotter now than I’d ever been? Who would be downright furious to watch me get a little flirty, a little provocative with another man? Men? His brothers?

Ohhh, Jake Kiszka was gonna kill me. And it was gonna be worth it. 

The ticket Sam held for me was in the front fucking row. Of the seats, behind the pit floor, but still. How embarrassing, what if I didn’t know any of the words? I didn’t really listen to their music, not since I was in high school, watching them practice or play at Fischer.

As you can imagine, I didn’t need to worry. Every, single, song was familiar. Songs that they’d written or started writing when Sam was barely fifteen. But the people around me knew them all, better than I did actually. 

That was… pretty cool.

I left my seat as the guys were blowing kisses and throwing flowers into the crowd, stopped in a bathroom to check myself out, and followed Sam’s directions to make it backstage. The guys made it there before me, I could hear their excited voices from the hall as a security guard led me to their green room. We slowed as we got closer, and I stopped the guard before we reached the door, composing myself, slipping my coat off, smoothing my hair and controlling my expression. 

You should've seen his face when I walked through the doorway, slow clapping and wearing my best deadpan. They all turned their heads in my direction, but his face was the one I sought out. 

His cheeks were still flushed from the stage (he honestly goes crazy up there) but he immediately turned so bright pink I hoped his head would explode. 

“YOU’RE HERE! Holy shit, you’re here!” Sam rushed at me and instantly my feet were off the ground, he swung me around and I couldn’t help the smile that stretched wide as I laughed with him. 

“You’re sweaty! Put me down, idiot!” He dropped me to my feet and grabbed a hand, lifted it above my head and spun me in a circle.

“Look at you, you look hot, T!” His laughter cracked loud and joyous and my heart soared. He didn’t mean anything by it, of course, but he was right and I knew it.

Danny approached me next, taller and even broader than I ever remembered him being, and wrapped me up in another sweaty hug. “Good to see you, did you get tinier?” We laughed and I slapped him away. Then Josh caught my eye, arms crossed over his bare chest under an open black vest and leaning against the vanity, grinning. 

I moved toward him and he met me in the middle, opened his arms and threw them around me. He didn’t make fun of me, or comment on the way I looked. Our cheeks were pressed together and he turned his face and dropped a kiss to mine. “We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you guys too, more than you know.”

He let me go and his grin stretched into a blinding smile. “What’d you think of the show?”

“It was fucking awesome, I can’t believe you guys are like, legit rockstars! Seems like yesterday you were jamming in your garage.” Sam sidled up and threw a long arm over my shoulders.

“To be fair, we didn’t really stop jamming in the garage until last year, T.”

I knew that, I guess. But I’d missed it, and I’d missed the moment my best friend grew up. But this wasn’t the time to get weepy about that. I still had a mission to accomplish.

Turning out of Sam’s hold, I faced him. He no longer looked apoplectic, but his nostrils were flared and his arms were crossed, one hand running a finger across his chin below pursed lips. His focus was distinctly somewhere on the floor, but I walked toward him and watched his eyes connect with my boots and then travel, slowly, all the way up my body. 

Get a good look, asshole.

And he did, his gaze lingered for a fraction of a second on my hips, and then again on my chest before it finally met my face.

Say something stupid, I dare you.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” 

My own eyes rolled in my skull. “Good to see you too, Jacob. How have you been?”

His features twisted in confusion for just a moment before he smoothed them back out. Good.

“Fantastic, living the dream, ya know. How have you been, Tiny?”

“Oh, really good!” I crossed one arm, tucking it under my tits and pushing them up while I twirled a finger through a strand of my hair with the other hand. “I’m majoring in English and Writing and aced all of my finals this past semester. Just really living my best on-campus life. Work hard, play hard and all that.”

It was so satisfying, the way he’d accidentally looked at my chest and then failed to look back at my face until I was done speaking. I swear to you my pussy fluttered when he swallowed, hard, before responding. It was that satisfying. 

“That’s- ahem, that’s great. Glad to hear it. Thanks for coming by to say hi or whatever but we need to pack up our gear and head to the hotel.”

Nice try.

“Oh, cool! I’d love to come with you guys, I just miss you all so much.” His face started turning pink again before I looked over my shoulder. “Sammy! Can I come with and hang out at the hotel? Just for a little bit?” I whipped my head back, my hair swinging with it, to see his face before Sam even answered.

I wanted to see if steam came out of his ears.

“Fuck yeah! You can crash with me if you want!”

One corner of my mouth lifted and curled. “Perfect!”

I regret to inform you that no steam came out. But I think it was pretty close.

When I pulled in at the hotel, I texted Sam and he told me they were in the lobby so I flipped my visor down, checked my face and fluffed my hair. After a deep breath, I got out of the car and made my way inside. 

The hotel wasn’t anything too ritzy, and I figured despite it all, they weren’t that famous. Sam still looked and sounded like the best friend I’d grown up with, though there was something about him that had become more attractive. All of them actually exuded more… sex appeal? 

Ugh, musicians. 

My timing was pretty good, I entered the building in time to catch them getting in the elevator, Jake being the last left in the lobby. But we caught each other’s eye and instead of walking on, he backed up a step. The doors closed and the elevator rose without him. 

He stood there, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, and waited for me to reach him. When I did, he spoke before I could. 

“What are you doing here, T?”

I painted confusion on my face instead of the pure gratification I actually felt. “Visiting my friends? What are you-“

“Cut the bullshit. It’s unbecoming.”

Okay, that was a little wrinkle in my plan. I hadn’t even started shamelessly flirting with anyone yet and he was already cursing at me. I doubled down.

“I came to see them, Jake.” I pressed the button to call the elevator back down and crossed my arms.

“And what about me?”

“What about you?” Just as I glanced up, feigning more interest in the LED display of numbers as the elevator came down than this conversation, he stepped closer and gripped my arm. Pulled me closer.

It felt familiar.

“I’m not buying it. Come on.” The elevator dinged and the doors opened to an empty car, but he was already pulling me down a hall toward a stairwell door. It swung open as he shoved through it, yanked me through and pushed me ahead of him, and it slammed shut behind us.

The stairwell was silent, our breathing was amplified and bounced off the walls. His voice made me flinch.

“Third floor. Go.”

Four flights of stairs and two landings separated me from their room. That was fine, I could do it.

Except he stayed behind me the entire time and didn’t speak a word. By the time I pushed the door to the third floor open, my nerves were fried and I was still trying to discern his reasoning for taking the stairs. If he had yelled at me or pushed me to the wall and kissed me in the stairwell, it would’ve made more sense. Instead, he placed a hand low on my back and led me down a deserted hallway to room 307. I breathed a shaky sigh of relief, ready to abandon the plan completely and run to Sam, use him as a personal human shield for the rest of the night.

But he pulled a key card out of his pocket and slid it into the lock, and the heavy door opened to a dark, empty room. 

Jake stepped inside and flicked on a light, holding the door open for me. I didn’t move.

“Jake, what-“

“Get in here, we need to talk.”

It sounded like a terrible idea, I hadn’t come here to talk. I came to spend time with Sam and do enough harmless flirting with the guys to drive Jake crazy. 

“No. Where are the guys?”

He just stared at me for a tense few seconds before he sighed impatiently. “In Sam and Danny’s room.”

“And which room would that be, exactly? I’ll just go knock-“

“Please.”

I know, I know. Did he really have to go and ask nicely?

“Fine, you know what? You have five minutes then I’m the fuck out of here.” He had the nerve to give me a tight-lipped smile, lift his palm and wave me in as I started to pass him and head into the room. Then he let the door swing shut.

We were alone.

The room was pretty standard, two queen-size beds, a table and two chairs. Not exactly rockstar shit. I tossed my coat onto the closest bed.

“You want a drink?”

I dropped into a chair, crossed my legs and folded my hands over my knee. “No, I don’t. What did you need to talk to me about? You have four minutes.”

He pulled a White Claw out of the mini fridge, popped the tab and sat at the end of the bed closest to me. After a swig from the can, he leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. 

“Three minutes.”

“Jesus, give it a rest, T.” He pinned me with a glare and my eyes widened. “Don’t. Don’t act all affronted because you’re not getting your way, I’m sick of it.” 

“I don’t know what you mean, I-“

“Stop! Tell me why you’re really here.”

“To see Sam! I told you-“

He stood from the bed, leaned across me and slammed the can onto the table. I jumped in my seat, but then he bent down and gripped the arms of the chair on either side of me. Right in my face, he ripped me to shreds.

“I’m tired of this, T. Since day one, everything has always had to be all about you, your feelings, your stupid ideas, your fucking games.”

That was ridiculous and it straightened my spine, I sat up taller and put us nose to nose, but he didn’t stop.

“How many times have you come between us and Sam? Pitted us against each other? Run away when you didn’t get your way, with one of us or all of us?”

With a huff, he pushed himself away from me but now I was ready for a fight. Launching from the chair, my body followed his. “And what about you, Jake?  You spent years fucking with me, leading me on, just to humiliate me over and over again!”

“Is that really what you think?!” We were squared up now, hands flailing as we yelled in each other's faces. “I didn’t do shit, and you spent years avoiding me, making me feel awkward and unwelcome in my own house because God forbid I ever be in the presence of such a self-entitled, delicate fucking princess!”

“Oh, you fucking prick. Fuck you-“

“So eloquent, that’s really lovely Tiny.”

You already know that he said that on purpose.

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” I was fuming, the steam was probably coming out of my ears, and that pissed me off further. Everything about this was infuriating, my night completely off-railed, my time with my friends ruined. I was done.

I threw my hands up and then put them on his shoulders, with all intention to shove him out of my way and walk out of the room with some part of my dignity intact, for once.

But that’s not exactly what happened.

Because once I touched him, the tension reached a breaking point. And boy did it break.

Before I could push him away, his arms were around me, his hands spread across my back, and he pulled me in. 

Yep, he was kissing me. 

Our mouths slammed together and all the anger, all the fury, combusted between them.

My own hands betrayed me and shot from a grip on his shoulders to a grip in the hair at the back of his head, still slightly damp from sweat or a shower at the venue, I had no idea. And I didn’t care.

He ravaged my lips until they felt bruised, opened them with his and forced our tongues to battle for dominance, sucked the air from my lungs until I couldn’t breathe. I pulled away to drag some back in but he hardly gave me the chance, tugging me back in to kiss my lips, bite my jaw, murmuring between the attacks. 

“Why are you really here…”

His hands slid up my back and sunk into my hair, pulled my head to the side so he could continue his attack on my neck, my throat.

“Say it, the truth.”

My brain was in shut down, I forgot what words were and how to make them. His teeth reminded me, scraping along my skin.

“You. For you.”

His lips closed over mine again and he was moving me, two steps backward and we turned, the back of my knees hit the bed where he’d been sitting. Our mouths broke apart, our hands fell away. The sound of our breathing, fast and uneven, thundered between us.

“I’m not gonna stop this time, T.”

My heart stumbled over its next few beats.

“I don’t want you to.”

We fell back into silence as he reached forward and slid his hands up underneath my shirt, rough fingertips pushing the fabric up over my ribs, my chest, I lifted my arms and let him pull it over my head and shook my hair out as he let it drop to the floor. 

There was just enough light coming from the only one he’d flicked on, and the moonlight spilling through the uncovered window, that I saw his nostrils flare. His eyes trailed over my lace and silk covered chest before meeting mine.

“You’re so beautiful,” My breath caught, I held it. “I’ve never told you how beautiful you are.”

I couldn’t speak, emotion squeezing my throat, the words I’d always wanted to hear from him tightening every muscle in my body. So instead, I mirrored his actions and tucked my fingers under the hem of his t-shirt. Soft, heated skin met my touch and I flattened my palms over his hips, up over his stomach and I swear he trembled. Seriously! When they made it to his chest, I could feel the hard, steady beat of his heart, rapid beneath my hand. 

Maybe he knew I could feel it, maybe not, but he leaned in and pulled a soft, sweet kiss from my lips before he took over and tugged the shirt over his head. 

“Jake…” His chest and stomach were lightly toned and completely flawless, a glimpse of which I’d gotten when he was onstage, shirtless under an open jacket. I wanted to tell him just how perfect I thought he was, he’d always been, but the words wouldn’t come. So I bent my knees and dropped to the bed, the barely there happy trail leading up from the low waist of his pants now directly in front of my face.

I leaned forward and kissed it. A strangled noise came from above me, I smiled against his skin. Then his hand was in my hair and he pulled, forcing my face up. He smirked.

“You ever done this before?”

Asshole.

Blindly I reached for and found the button of his jeans, popped it open and worked his zipper down slowly. 

“Please don’t piss me off, or I won’t be nice.”

A chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Just making sure.”

His grip in my hair kept my chin tilted up, eyes locked with his. I peeled the denim over his hips and pulled it down to his knees. Heat rolled off his body in waves, I was dying to look at it, take it all in but there was fire in his stare and I was burning. My fingertips mapped out what I couldn’t see, found the subtle V that led down into his briefs and traced it before I tucked them under the elastic and rolled it down his legs. 

Jake Kiszka’s cock bobbed in the air between his hips and my face. Crazy, I know. I wrapped shaky fingers around him, felt how thick and hard he was before I’d even seen it, tried to picture what I could remember from his dark bedroom.

“Fuck, T.” I tightened my grip on him, just a little, stroked him once. His eyes slid shut.  “I can’t believe you’re here.” I stroked him again and his grasp on my hair loosened, my chin dropped and there it was. As perfect as the rest of him, his dick was big, the head flushed pink. My mouth watered.

For real.

In that moment, I wondered quickly what he liked, how fast, how slow, how hard? My tongue slid out and tasted him, just the very tip, and he snatched my hair up again. The sting in my scalp made my eyes water and I opened my lips and took him in, wrapped them around him and swirled my tongue over his skin. He whimpered.

I could be remembering that wrong, but I swear he did.

He wanted to take control, I could feel it in the smallest amount of pressure from his knuckles on my scalp, but I wanted to be stubborn. I was tired of the control he seemed to have over every one of our interactions. I released him with a soft pop and his eyes shot open. 

“C’monnn,” he groaned. I took my hand off of his dick and pushed him back, he almost stumbled, his legs still trapped in his half-removed jeans. I stood from the bed, spun us around and reversed our positions, then pushed him by the shoulders to sit.

“Patience, Jake, patience.” I flicked the front clasp of my bra open and felt the unrestrained relief as my tits spilled out, then that flutter of satisfaction as his eyes went wide right before going soft and dreamy. What can I say, Jake’s a breast man. “Aht.” He’d reached for them, lifted his hands like he just couldn’t wait to feel them again, but they paused in midair. “I said patience.”

He huffed out a sigh and dropped them, so I continued. Made a little show out of unzipping my boots, sliding them off and peeling the skin-tight material of my pants down my legs. His fingers flexed against his thighs the entire time, clenching into fists and releasing over and over. I waited until I was left in just the lacy thong to instruct him to remove his pants. 

His boots were kicked off and denim tossed away in an instant.

And there we were again. Jake, fully bared to me while we stared at each other, my tits out and pussy covered. But this wasn’t going to end the way it did two years ago. 

Not if I had anything to say about it.

I dropped to my knees and his legs spread, making room for me to kneel between them. His cock jumped when I touched him, just my fingertips, up his shins and over his kneecaps before I placed my palms flat on his thighs. When I peeked up at him through my lashes, he was staring hard, jaw clenched and nostrils flared again. So I continued to trace my fingers over his skin, further up his thighs, over his hips, up and down his happy trail. 

Through gritted teeth, “Baby, please.”

Baby? I was throbbing, slick between my thighs already but that hit me like lightning.

I wrapped a fist around him at the base and took him all the way to the back of my throat.

I had to. 

A string of rough curses fell from his lips and a hand tangled in my hair, but I kept my composure, sucking him in and stroking with my fist, letting him sink as deep as I could without choking. His skin was hot velvet on my tongue, I could taste his desire, his need, and I couldn’t help the moan that rippled up my throat around his cock.

“Jesus fuck.” His hips jerked, I gagged around him, he fisted the hair at the back of my head and yanked me off of him. “Get up here.”

Remember how I wanted to maintain the control here? Yeah, I failed. 

He used his grip on my head to bring my lips to his, his tongue sweeping in to dance with mine immediately, his hands moving down my body to pull me up and into his lap. I threw my arms around him and rocked into it instantly, his roving hands landing on my ass and pulling me in, his dick rock hard and slick with my spit grinding against my silk-covered pussy.

Just like that, I lost control of my insolent mouth too.

The kiss broke and I rested my forehead on his, my eyes trained on what was happening between our hips. “God… I-“ The head of his cock caught on my clit, I gasped at the feeling. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Embarrassing, I know. But then… ohh then.

His hands skimmed up my ribs until they were cupping my breasts, thumbs grazing over my nipples. 

“I’ve wanted you longer, T. Forever.”

Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps ran up my arms, I shivered, my nipples tightened, and he pulled one into his mouth. He sucked and lapped at it, thumb still moving over the other, and without hesitation he sunk his teeth in. 

“Fuck yes, yes yes…”

His tongue circled it again and he released it, pressed a hot and fast kiss to my mouth. 

“You still like that, huh?” He chuckled as he opened his lips over the other side. The silk between my legs was soaked, I could feel how easily I was sliding over his cock, and I was getting impatient despite the way I’d reprimanded him hardly ten minutes ago. 

“Jake, please…”

He popped off of my nipple and pulled another kiss from my lips, then leaned back and let one corner of his mouth curl up, self-satisfied and cocky.

Still an asshole. 

“Please what, baby? Tell me.”

My eyes rolled, even as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck, nipped and licked me there.

“I want you inside, please fuck me.” Self-control, out the window.

“Mmm,” he hummed into my skin, “No.”

Before I could be properly offended, and believe me, I was, he gripped my thighs and hauled me up, then deposited me onto the mattress. Well, tossed me, really. I bounced once, arms and legs flailing, hair falling in my face. By the time I pushed it away and propped myself up on my elbows, he was standing at the foot of the bed, dick in his fist. I opened my mouth to speak, to yell at him or beg him to stick it in, I don’t know, but he was stroking himself, and he moaned. My mouth snapped shut.

“I’m not gonna fuck you,” I scoffed, offended, pissed even. “Yet.” He let himself go and placed his hands on the mattress, then climbed onto the edge of the bed and started crawling towards me.

It was so fucking hot. His cheeks were flushed, his hair wild from my hands, his eyes dark. I backed away, moving up the bed until my shoulders met the headboard. He didn’t stop coming, and I didn’t want him to. Instinctively, my knees bent and my legs fell open, inviting him in. But he didn’t settle there, when his hands reached me, he grabbed me by the calf and threw my leg over his shoulder on his way down. 

His mouth opened over damp silk and I cried out, his name or God’s, I’m not sure, but his lips and tongue were moving against me and I may have blacked out. I came to when one of his hands skimmed up my inner thigh, and he broke away long enough to slip two fingers under the material and tug it aside. 

Jake Kiszka’s tongue was on my actual, bare pussy. 

My shoulders sagged against the headboard as I reached for him, burying my fingers in his already tangled and unruly hair, our eyes met and he dragged his tongue over me again and again.

“Shit, you were right, this is better,” I panted. He smiled against my cunt and I felt it. I smiled too.

My cheeks hurt I was smiling so hard, until he laser-focused his attention to my clit. His lips wrapped around it and he sucked it past them, my jaw dropped. 

“Oh, oh my God, oh my God!” He was good at this. Too good. The beginnings of an orgasm were already swirling, tightening in my belly, making my toes tingle. The tip of his tongue moving against me until he opened his mouth over me again, and I felt it plunge inside me. The sounds I was making were unholy but I had no shame, I couldn’t feel anything other than need. I needed to scream, I needed to come, I needed him. 

He brought a hand up around my thigh and ran his thumb over my folds, licking himself as he lapped at me, then swirled it over my clit as his tongue fucked me. Before I could even moan, two fingers from his other hand replaced his tongue inside me.

“Jake!”

His head tilted and he pressed his lips against my thigh, kissed it and grinned. “Yes?” Fingers everywhere, filling me and fucking me, circling the most sensitive part of me - I forgot what I wanted to say, if I had even wanted to. Instead I pulled his mouth back, he slid his thumb away and flicked his tongue against me. 

“Yessss, yes just like that, please!” I let my eyes close and stars were already dancing behind my lids, I was close, so close, and I told him so. I moaned it and his fingers plunged deep and curled. I screamed it and he sucked my clit back into his mouth. 

I came hard, nails dug into his scalp, bucking my hips against his face, screaming his name. 

It was unreal. College guys had nothing, fucking nothing, on him.

Before my muscles had even relaxed, he lifted his head from between my thighs and moved up my body, his fingers still pumping slowly inside me as he kissed my hip, my stomach, my breast on his way up to my mouth. He tasted like me when my tongue touched his, and he eased his fingers from my body. 

“Absolutely fucking stunning, breathtaking.”

His breath was taken? I still couldn’t breathe, my chest continued to heave as he left the bed, taking my panties down my legs with him, and I could barely lift my head to see what he was doing. My eyes closed and I felt the mattress dip with his weight as he returned and settled on his heels between my legs, still splayed open. I cracked an eyelid and found him watching me, wrapped condom held between his fingers. 

Under his gaze, I shifted down until my head rested on the pillows, spreading my legs wider, pussy presented to him on a silver fucking platter.

This was happening. There was absolutely no way this was not happening. Not this time.

“Now, Jake.” Unrecognizable, my voice had a distinct sex kitten-like quality that I loved as soon as it hit my ears. He must have loved it too, because his dick twitched and he gripped it. I reached up and snatched the condom from his fingers, tore it open and started rolling it on while his eyes bugged out and his jaw fell slack.

“Jesus, not your first time, huh?” My hand replaced his around him and I stroked, he leaned over me and I guided the head to my center, moved it through the slick pool of arousal there. He paused, poised to enter me, and met my eyes.

“I’m pretty much out of firsts, Jake.”

His eyes closed, his hips rocked forward, and he pushed just past my opening, the tip not even fully inside me.

I tilted my own hips up, he slipped a fraction of an inch deeper. I whispered, and it was sexy, and seductive. “It could’ve been you.”

He sucked in a sharp breath, opened his eyes and we watched each other’s faces as he sunk deeper, slowly, to the hilt. “It should’ve been me.”

Stunned, speechless, we stayed like that. Unmoving, bodies connected, eyes locked. He broke first, dropping his lips to mine and rocking into me softly. A sound I’d never heard before, quieter than a moan, crept up his throat, trapped behind his lips as they caressed mine. My legs lifted, cradling him between my thighs and wrapping around him. 

It was gentle, sweet. The exact opposite of how I knew it would’ve been, if I’d let him be my first, thinking he wasn’t. 

I felt my cheeks warm, my eyes pool with tears. I blinked them away. This was everything I’d wanted and more. I knew I’d been an idiot to think otherwise. Especially when he pulled back and delivered a quick, deep thrust and there was no pain. Only pleasure bloomed inside me, hot and volatile. 

“Again, more…”

An excellent listener, he repeated it. Again, again, and I met each thrust with my own. Our kiss turned frantic, sloppy, lips and tongues clashing and pushing, pulling and taking. The temperature in the room was rising with the heat of our skin, our bodies slipping against each other. He lifted his chest from mine, hands braced on the pillows on either side of my head, and the conditioned air on our damp skin made us both groan in ecstasy.

I damn near came again, almost commented on it but he dropped back down and shoved an arm between me and the mattress, rolled us both. We laughed as we landed, his hair strewn across the pillow and mine falling in his face. My laughter stuck in my throat when he grabbed onto my thighs and pulled, tucking my knees against his hips and forcing me to sit. I propped myself up with my hands on his chest and fell back into the rhythm, my hips rolling. 

“Goddamn, you feel so good, look so good riding me.”

My head fell back as his words rippled through me, his fingertips digging into me, his hands moving my body over his. He brought one to my chest, squeezed me roughly, rolled my nipple with his fingers, pinched it. Hard.

“Yes!” He did the same to the other, my pussy clenched around him. 

“You like when it hurts a little, don’t you?”

“I- I don’t know, I guess so- ohhh!” He wrapped a hand around each tit and sunk his fingertips into my flesh, then kneaded them both, ran the pads of his thumbs over the peaks. 

“Fuck, that’s so hot. You’re fucking perfect.”

Yeah, I lost my mind a little bit. My hips bucked wildly in his lap. Perfect? Me? My nails pressed into his skin, I dragged them down his chest, reveling in the sharp hiss sucked between his teeth, the way his own hips lifted from the bed and he fucked into me. Sharp, fast thrusts hitting me so deep I was screaming his name. He sat up and pulled my face to his, kissed me hard, bit down on my bottom lip, and then tipped me backwards.

My head was nearly hanging off the end of the bed, but really, who cares? My ankles locked behind his back and he was slamming his hips into the back of my thighs.

Fuck, was I gonna come? He had to be close. I lifted my head, now very much hanging off the bed, to ask him.

Beep. Click.

His hips stuttered and paused, we both whipped our heads to the door, which was fucking opening. 

Josh appeared, his foot crossed the threshold and he was looking down at his phone. 

“GET OUT!!” We yelled in unison. Josh’s head popped up, his eyes went huge, and then he laughed. 

“Shit, sorry guys.” He started backing out into the hall, the door creaking closed. “About time,” We heard him chuckling to himself and the door clicked behind him.

Jake turned his face back to me and seemed to realize for the first time that I was barely on the mattress. An arm wrapped around my back and he shifted us until I could look him in the eyes.

“What the fuck…” I whispered up at him.

His smile was subtle and affectionate before it stretched to a full grin, and he huffed a laugh.

“There was no fucking way I was stopping.”

I matched his grin and lifted to pull a kiss from his lips. “Good.”

He tucked his face into my neck and began the roll of his body into mine again. I let my hands roam across his back as he kissed and nipped my skin and his thrusts picked up speed. The orgasm that had been teasing me before we were interrupted built again quickly, and Jake was panting in my ear. 

But then… then. A whisper. Low and deep, but a whisper nonetheless. 

My name, my real name, hit my ear and I gasped, right on the edge.

“Come for me. Please come for me.”

How could I say no?

It broke, crashed, consumed me. His name on my lips as I tightened, writhed, and shook for him. 

He didn’t stop, didn’t slow, he chased after me and followed into the flames. My name burned into my flesh by his kisses, a guttural groan as he came inside me. 

Easily the best orgasm I’d ever had. Easily.

Because he’s just a man, albeit an incredibly hot, multiple-orgasm-inducing man, he collapsed on top of me. I let him. I ran my hands over his sweat-dampened hair and the soft skin of his back and we both caught our breath. Then he started giggling. 

I pinched his ass. “What’s so funny, Kiszka?”

His head popped up and he propped himself on an elbow, a wide grin splitting his face in half, gorgeous. “I can’t believe we waited so long to do that, that might’ve been the best sex I’ve ever had.”

We both laughed as I slapped his chest. “Might be?!”

“Okay okay, you’re right.” He looked at me dreamily, his eyes bouncing around my face. “It was the best.”

Because I’m a woman, albeit a mind-blowing sex goddess, I started overthinking. I couldn’t help it! You should’ve seen the way he was looking at me. 

“Jake…” He lifted his eyebrows, I lifted a hand to his face, tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “What does this mean?”

Those eyebrows knitted together, a quick moment to think that over. Then he kissed me, soft and slow. 

“I don’t know what it means. But I do know this hotel has free breakfast downstairs, so be up and ready by nine.” His smile stretched again, and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Oooh, do you think they have French toast? That’s Sam’s favorite.”

He attacked me, tickled me until I had tears in my eyes, kissed me until I was breathless, and fell asleep with his arms around me.

The truth is, I don’t remember the exact moment I fell utterly, completely in love with Jake Kiszka. Maybe you should ask him. 

[gretavanmoon]

🌞 🌊

R47

Spinning Now: "Heat Waves" by Glass Animals (2020)

Pairing: Sam x Female Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, Drug Use, Feelings of Uneasiness, Arguing Smut: Kissing, Touching, Teasing, Fingering, Unprotected Sex, Penetrative Sex

SAM POV

The leaves crunch beneath your shoes as you make your way up to the front door. You can hear music playing inside the house, and there are a few people standing out front smoking. They don’t pay you much attention as you walk up the sidewalk, continuing on with their conversations, only stopping slightly to raise a hand in acknowledgement. The air is thick and humid with impending rain and the frogs croaking in the distance only confirm that. They always seemed to be the loudest right before a storm. You toss the last of your joint into the grass, stomping it out with your foot before climbing up the front steps. 

As you step through the door the music grows in volume and you see people standing around talking with drinks in hand. You scan the room for any familiar faces, but the house is so dimly lit and crowded it's a lost cause. You navigate through the house in search of the kitchen, knowing that is where the liquor will be. A nice stiff drink is calling your name after the day you’d had. Honestly it was surprising you even came to this party, but Daniel asked you no less than three times today causing you to eventually cave and agree. 

The kitchen is lit up a little better as you step into it, people crowding around the counters talking and laughing. You grab a plastic cup and fill it with ice, stepping over towards the bottles of liquor lined up on the kitchen table. Your eyes scan over the mixer options, which are incredibly limited, deciding that vodka would probably be your best bet. You fill the cup as you reach for the tonic water, stirring it with your finger as you recap the tonic. You look for limes, silently laughing for even thinking there would be any as you grab your cup and try to head back into the crowd. 

Stepping out of the kitchen you dodge a pair of drunk girls, nearly spilling your drink. They pass you and as you regain your composure your eyes look up and you see her. You have to double take to make sure your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. That the heat of the room isn’t creating a mirage in the image of her. But it’s not. Across the room, talking to a group of people you don’t recognize is your ex. You quickly tear your eyes away from her, your blood rushing through your veins a little faster now. Your heart is pounding as you weave through the crowd of people, finally spotting Danny and his friends. 

“You made it after all!” Danny says, smacking his hand against your back. 

You sip from your drink, letting out a sigh of refreshment, “Sure did.”

He takes the time to introduce you to his friends, the same friends you’ve been introduced to ten times before, all of you smiling at each other as you realize.

As they drift back into their conversation you stand there sipping at your drink, letting your eyes peer over the edge of your cup as you scan the room looking for her. Maybe it wasn’t her…

You sort of sway in place along with the music, turning your body as inconspicuous as possible to see if you can spot her. As someone steps out of the way she is revealed to you and your suspicions are confirmed. Her hair is shorter now, even a little bit darker than you remember. She is dressed the same as she always was, trendy, edgy, dark. A way that was so effortlessly her. You can’t seem to look away as she speaks, a smile on her face as she talks with her hands. There is a drink in one hand and you wonder what's in the cup. Is it her usual? Did she make it herself? Is she here with someone? You pull your eyes away, turning back to the conversation, pretending you know what’s going on, and that your mind isn’t swimming in thoughts of her. 

“What’s up dude, you good?” Danny asks, turning to you as the other guys start up a side conversation. 

“Huh? Oh yeah. I’m fine.” you lie, sipping nervously at your drink. 

You watch as he turns his head to the side, looking around the room, and you can see the expression on his face as he spots her, mumbling something under his breath. 

“Shit…” he exhales. “You saw her already.”

You turn to look over your shoulder, seeing her still engaged in her conversation. “Yeah. As I was walking over here.”

I didn’t know, man. I swear.” he offers, shaking his head back and forth. “Let’s uh– let’s go smoke.”

You nod and follow him through the crowd of people, walking the opposite direction of her and her friends. You feel a sense of relief as you step outside, the air still hot and humid as you pull your cigarettes from your shirt pocket. “You want one?” you ask, offering him the carton as you place the cigarette between your lips. 

“Nah, just needed to get you out of there for a minute.” he admits. “I knew something was up. Should’ve known.”

“Haven’t seen her since…” you say, blowing a puff of smoke from your lips. 

“Since that night?” he asks, leaning on the wooden railing. 

“Yeah. Been over a year now.” you answer, taking another long drag of your cigarette. “She looks good.”

“Sam…” he admonishes. 

“Did you recognize those girls she was with?” you ask. 

“Nah, not really but, shit man, we see so many goddamn people everyday I don’t think I would know if I did know them.” he smiles, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Yeah, yeah.” you mumble, finally feeling the alcohol entering your system. 

“Look, unless you want her to see you like this, you better turn it off. If I could sense something was up, then you know she will the second she sees you.” he says, and you know he’s right. She was good at that.

“Yeah, just needed a smoke. You’re right. I’m good.” you answer, hoping that answer will get him off your case. You shake your shoulders out, tossing the spent cigarette to the ground. He nods his head at you and you follow him back into the party, trying your best to seem like your emotions weren’t all over the place. 

You never expected it to hit you this hard. You never expected to see her in the first place. And now that you had, it was all rushing in at once. 

You follow Danny through the party as he searches the room for his friends, finding them hanging out in the living room only a few feet from where they were when you left them. You toss back the last of your drink, knowing you’ll need a refill immediately if you’re going to make it through the night. 

As your eyes scan the room, you see her again, this time walking down the hallway on her way back from the bathroom. You try to look away, but you’re too late and she spots you. You see her double take, her lips parting just a bit as she takes you in. You look away again, trying to seem engaged in the conversation and like you don’t care that she is standing five feet away looking at you. 

After a few minutes you know she's returned back to her friends, yet still you can feel her eyes on you. You make a point not to look at her, even though your brain is calling out to you to do just that. Your will power is growing weaker and weaker as the seconds pass and you finally catch yourself turning your head to look at her. You catch her glance and look away, knowing you were caught. Dammit. It happens three more times and at this point neither of you are being sneaky about it. 

With a huff of frustration you step away from the group and head towards the kitchen, making yourself a new, stiffer drink before heading back out to the back porch to smoke the last joint in your pocket. You find yourself in the same spot from earlier, setting your drink on the wooden railing and pulling the tightly rolled joint from your shirt pocket. Lighting it up you let the earthy smoke fill your lungs, and you pray it will take away some of the uneasiness that's been surrounding you all night. 

The joint has dwindled down to only a few more hits, and your mind is feeling a lot lighter as you stare out into the fire pit blazing down in the yard. You hear a pair of heeled boots padding across the deck, and you know exactly who it is. You suck in a deep breath, letting it out slowly just as she joins you against the railing. 

“What, no plaything tonight, Sammy?” 

The sound of her voice sends a shiver down your spine, it's the sweetest timbre you’ve heard in a year. 

You suck your teeth and turn to face her, really getting a chance to drink her in face to face. “What do you mean?”

“Oh don’t play coy, Sam. People talk around here, and you forget that most of your friends were my friends first.”

��I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were going to be here.” you quip. If she wanted to fight, you were going to fight. 

She crosses her arms across her chest, her leather jacket glowing in the cloudy moonlight. “And why’s that? Can’t stand the thought of being around me after everything? With that girl you left me for? What’s her name again?”

A stab right through your heart. “I was never with her Y/N. I didn’t leave you for her. I don’t even speak to her. You know why I left you.”

“You don’t speak to her? That kind of seems like a waste now, don’t you think?” she says, tapping the heel of her boot against the deck. She licks her lips, your eyes darting down to them, lacquered in a deep rich mahogany. 

“What do you want Y/N? Why did you come out here?” you ask, watching her polished fingers grab the remains of the joint from your fingers, before pressing it to her lips. She inhales, breathing in the smoke and letting it sit in her lungs. She releases it slowly through her lips before turning back to look at you. 

“I don’t know Sam…Why can you not keep your eyes off of me? Do you think I didn’t notice the second you walked through the front door? That you’ve been watching me all night?” she asks, cornering you into a confession. 

“Y/N…” you bargain, not even sure how to deny that one. 

“Well?” she presses, stepping closer to you. You can smell her perfume, your mind swimming back to a time you got to smell it daily. 

You lick your lips, huffing out a defeated breath. “You know why.”

“Maybe I don’t, Sam. Why don’t you lay it out for me.”

You think briefly that you should just tell her the truth. Really lay it out if that’s what she wants, but you quickly come to your senses, remembering why you ended things in the first place. 

“You know what, no. We aren’t rehashing this. You know why we broke up Y/N. Nothing has changed. I still can’t give you what you want.” you urge. 

“Yeah, I know that’s the half assed reason you gave for ending things, but I don’t know if I believe that. Especially now, a year later.” she says, raising a brow in challenge. The weed is swirling through your veins, your logic and reasoning is slipping farther and farther out of your grasp and you know the truth is seconds from spilling out. 

“Are you here with someone?” you ask.

Her grip tightens on her jacket, a nervous habit she’s always had. “No.”

You blow out a deep breath, biting your lips together as you let your eyes meet hers. “Let’s leave.”

She tilts her head as she looks at you, “Why would I do that?”

You raise your brows at her, a little taken aback that she's challenging you again. “Why would you do that? Well, because I think you think about me as much as I think about you. I think you wouldn’t be out here otherwise. I think you remember that– that last time last summer, right before everything…” 

Her cheeks flush, and she turns away from you and you know you’re right. She knows you’re right, and now you’re the one that's got her cornered. 

“Come home with me, Y/N.” you ask, your voice a little lighter. 

She looks up at you, her eyes piercing into yours. “Do you still live in the same place?”

You bite your bottom lip as you nod your head. “Yeah, same place. Our place.”

You see her swallow nervously as the words leave your mouth, her eyes looking down at her feet. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

You place your fingers at the curve of her jaw, angling her face to look back at you. “Then don’t think.”

She twists her pretty lips around as she considered it, finally nodding and dropping her arms to her side. Her hand reaches for yours, and you accept it eagerly, twisting your fingers with hers. 

You lead her through the party, tossing back the rest of your drink as you guide her through the kitchen and into the living room. You lock eyes with Danny who sees her then looks back to you, giving you a knowing smirk. He shakes his head and mouths for you to call him as you pull her small hand through the crowd. 

You shut her into the passenger seat the way you’ve done a hundred times before, rushing around the front of the car to make the short drive back home. You can’t help but catch a few glances of her on the drive back, the way the street lights light up her face. The way the rain softly tinkling against the windshield reflects onto her skin. 

As you pull into your driveway you see her face twist up. “You did some planting…”

“Yeah, just a few things here and there. Needed it.” you answer, your chest feeling heavy as you think back to her suggesting it. 

She nods and turns to you with a soft smile. “Should we make a run for it?”

“Yeah, I’ll go up first and unlock the door, then you can just run in.” you say, throwing your car door open and running through the heavy rain. You quickly unlock the door, and motion for her to run, seeing her boots splash through the puddles in her way. Your heart is growing warmer the more time you spend with her, the icy streak that’s developed in her absence thawing just a little. 

You grab her jacket from her, shaking the water from it and hanging it by the door as she steps further inside, kicking off her boots. 

“You painted, too.” she says, admiring the colors you’d chosen. “It feels warm.”

“That’s what I was hoping for.” you smile, heading for the kitchen. 

“You made a lot of changes now that I look around.” she says, staring up at the walls and at the furniture. 

“Yeah, I uh, I kinda had to.” you pause, leaning on the counter as you watch her. “Everything reminded me of you.”

She stops and looks at you, blinking a little slower than usual. She doesn’t know what to say, and truthfully you wouldn’t either.

“How about a drink?” you ask, breaking the tension hanging in the air. She walks over to the island, leaning on it as she watches you pull the bottle of tequila from the bar cart. “Tequila?”

She smiles and nods, you know it’s her favorite. 

Before you can turn around she is sauntering over to the cabinets, opening one and pulling two shot glasses from the second shelf. You feel that warmth spread through your chest again. She remembers. 

She places them on the counter, with a thud. “I get the Mexico glass because it's my favorite.”

“If it’s your favorite, why didn’t you take it?” you ask, pouring the tequila into the small cactus shaped glass. 

“Same reason you painted your walls and changed your house.” she smiles, grabbing the full shot glass from the counter. You swallow heavily as you let her words sink in. She misses you too. 

You pour your shot, capping the Tequila and picking up your shot glass. You hold it in the air as you look at her, both of you ready to take the shot. “What should we toast to?”

“I don’t know, change?”

You smile and nod, tapping your glass to hers. “To change.”

You both drink back the shots, letting out a sigh as the burn takes over your throats. She runs her tongue over her lips. 

“Oh shit, do you need a chaser?” you ask, looking around frantically.

“No.” she answers, her eyes locked in on yours. You felt the mood shift, suddenly you stopped your movement, the both of you staring at each other, that same tension back with a vengeance. 

You step forward, grabbing her hips and spinning her towards you. “I do.” you breathe, leaning forward and pressing your lips to hers. It’s desperate and heated, the taste of her so new but still familiar. Her hands come up to cup at your face, her soft hands weaving into your long hair. 

“Y/N…” you plead, breaking away from her lips for a second. You look into her eyes, which you’re sure are just as desperate looking as yours are, before reattaching your lips to hers as you pull her in as closely as possible. 

“Sammy…” she pants, her hands sliding down your chest to reach for the hem of your shirt. Her hands slide beneath the fabric, finally connecting with your skin, sending a shock of lighting through your body. 

You pull the two of you away from the counter, walking her backwards through the house with your lips still connected. It’s not a long walk, but it’s one she has memorized, even in the darkness of the house. 

You spin her body to rest against the wall, removing your lips from hers and letting them trail down her neck and over her collarbones as she squirms in your arms. 

“Come on, Sammy, you know I hate teasing.” she whines, a smile stretching across your lips. 

“I know, which is why I love to do it.”

You continue to walk her into the bedroom, the one room that hasn’t changed very much. You walk her towards the bed, letting her fall back as her knees hit the edge. You pull your shirt over your head, and join her on the bed, crawling towards her as she reaches for you. The room is lit by your orange salt lamp, casting the prettiest glow on her body as she lies beneath you. You bend your head down to kiss at her neck, feeling her hands slide between you to circle around your back. 

You stop as you feel her nails drag down your back, in just the way that she knows how. Your eyes close as they roll to the back of your head, a sigh leaving your chest. “Fuck, I missed you.”

“Did you?” she breathes, repeating the action. 

“Everyday, I swear.”

“I miss you, too.” she pauses, “Miss this.”

“I want you, Y/N.” you admit. 

“I want you too, Sam.” she breathes, pulling her dress over her head. She lays naked before you, only her panties left, stealing the air from your lungs. 

“Baby, fuck.”

“Touch me. The way you know I like.” she begs, and again you feel like you can’t breathe. You slide your fingers down her sternum and over her stomach, stopping at the edge of the green lace panties. You hook your finger into the waistband and slowly begin to pull them down, letting your eyes flick to hers in permission. She nods and you pull them over her hips, revealing the tiny patch of groomed hair. 

You smirk at her, “Speaking of new.”

“Just something a little different…” she blushes. 

“No, no. I–I like it.” you say, tossing her panties to the floor. You run your thumb over the strip of hair, letting it dip into her wetness, hot and slick. 

You circle her clit as you lean down to press a kiss to her stomach, trembling with anticipation beneath your lips. You let your middle finger swipe through her folds, collecting her wetness as you slide a finger into her, feeling as warm and tight as you ever knew. You pump in and out of her a few times before adding another finger, watching her chest start to heave as your thumb continues to circle at her clit. 

“Sammy…” she pants, letting her eyes open to meet yours. 

“Shhh…I know, I’m getting there.” you answer, a whisper from your lips. 

Your fingers press into her harder, as you lower your head to suck her hardened nipple into your mouth. Your fingers don’t stop as your teeth bite into her skin, just hard enough to elicit a moan, the exact kind of pain she craves. 

“There it is, baby…” you murmur against her skin. You switch to the other side, licking at her before wrapping your lips around her again. Your fingers are working violently inside of her, your teeth grazing her nipple as you feel her start to flutter around you. 

“Sam, I–”

“I know, let it happen. Give it to me.” you coax, continuing to work her just the way you knew she liked. 

“Oh god–oh fuck…” she whines, her hand gripping into your hair as her hips buck upward into your hand as she tumbles into her orgasm. Your name floats from her lips, breathless and spent as she comes down from her high. You pull your fingers from inside her, wiping them on your chest as you kiss her red, swollen lips. 

“Every fuckin’ time, Y/N. Every time it’s so…You’re so…stunning.” you breathe, feeling her hand cupping at your jaw. 

“Can we–”

“Do you want to?” you ask, finishing her thought. 

“I miss this with you Sammy. It’s not the same with anyone else.” she admits, a rush of guilt washing over you. 

“I know.” you nod, admitting the same. “One more time?” 

“Please…” she breathes. 

You feel her hands reaching between you, unbuttoning your pants and pushing them down your body. You kick them the rest of the way off, feeling her soft, warm hand wrap around your dick.

She wasn’t wrong, there had been other girls, but none like her. None that made you feel like this. None who’s touch felt like that. 

“Y/N…” you sigh. 

Her thumb swipes against your tip, soft and gentle as she guides you down to her. You grab the base, flicking the tip through her wetness before positioning at her center. Your eyes meet hers, so filled with love, so filled with every beautiful thing, you couldn’t help but to give her everything she wanted. 

You press into her, her body drawing you in the same way it always did. This part of your relationship was never the issue, it was everything that surrounded this. You slide into her, her hands snaking around your waist as you bottom out inside of her. A groan leaves your chest at the feeling of her wrapped around you. The way no one else feels. 

“Sammy…” your name is a whisper from her lips as you start to roll your hips into her. The pace is slow and steady as you take every second to soak her in, remembering how perfect this felt. 

“I know…I’m– I remember…” you breathe, letting your hand cup at her chest, rolling her nipple between your fingers. 

She tightens around you, her eyes squeezing shut as she tries to stave off her release, not ready for this to be over yet. Your eyes focus on her as you slide into her, your pace growing a bit quicker as you feel the burn in your stomach. 

Her legs wrap around your waist, pulling you in tighter, closer, deeper. It's warm, your bodies sticky with a sheen of sweat as both of you work towards your orgasm. 

Her eyes flick up to yours, dark and sparkling in the orange glow of the room, your hips snapping into hers so naturally and effortless. You feel a warmth wash over you, hot and burning in your chest as you look at her. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N…” you whisper, seeing her eyes well with tears. 

“Sam, don’t…” she pleads, her fingertips gripping into your skin. 

“Baby, please…” you beg, “Forgive me…”

“Sammy, you– you hurt me, I–”

“I know. I know I did, I just… I was stupid… I– fuck, fuck, I’m there…” you groan. “Do you want me to–”

“No, no, you can. Please…” she begs, her hands sliding up to your neck. 

With one more sharp thrust of your hips, you feel her fluttering around you, her eyes closing tightly as she lets go, letting her orgasm rip through her, her back arching up off of the bed. Your name falls from her lips, soft and breathy as your hips falter. 

You wrap your arms around her as you pull yourself closer to her, letting your own release take over you. “Fuck, I love you Y/N. I’m sorry– I love you…” the words escape from your heart as you spill into her. 

You collapse onto her, holding her tightly as her lips find yours. Her tongue tangles with yours for a few seconds before she pulls away, letting you roll off of her. “I mean it.” you say, turning to look at her. 

“I know you do.” she says, sliding off the bed and making her way into the bathroom to clean up.

After a shower and a glass of water both of you are tucking into bed, the same one you once shared. It feels full and warm with her here, something you missed terribly and not once could ever replicate with someone else. You run your fingers through her wet hair, pulling your fingers slowly through each strand as you listen to her talk, your mind being lulled to sleep by the sounds of her voice. 

Could you do this? Could you make it work this time? Would she ever forgive you? Could she ever trust you again? Why does this feel so good? 

You pull her close and kiss her cheek, waiting for her to turn towards you so you could kiss her lips. God you missed this. You rub your thumb over her cheek as you look at her, neither of you saying a word, just reveling in the moment. Her eyes blink slowly and you know sleep is coming for her. 

“I love you too, Sam.” she whispers, kissing at your palm. You kiss her again, pulling her into your chest as you both let your eyes close. Your mind continues to wander, wondering how you could make things work this time, knowing that your circumstances haven't changed. You're still on the road, still gone half the year, and still unable to give her the comfortable stable life she wanted. 

You let your eyes open, seeing her asleep in your arms, her face soft and relaxed as she dreamed. You wanted to give her everything. You really did. You loved her, more than you ever loved anyone. But could you? Could you make it work?

You woke feeling more rested than you had in a long time, your brain not plagued by fatigue from tossing and turning all night. You felt the alcohol in your system still, your limbs a little more sluggish than you wanted as you rolled over to face her. But as you opened your eyes you found your bed empty and the sheets cold. 

You sat up quickly looking for her, only to find her and her things gone. You rub at your eyes trying to gain some clarity, grabbing your phone from your nightstand to find it just as barren as your bed. Your chest felt tight as you realized she was gone. 

She’d left you this time. 

She was a mirage afterall. 

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[gretavanmoon]

R47

Spinning Now: "Heat Waves" by Glass Animals (2020)

Pairing: Sam x Female Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, Drug Use, Feelings of Uneasiness, Arguing Smut: Kissing, Touching, Teasing, Fingering, Unprotected Sex, Penetrative Sex

SAM POV

The leaves crunch beneath your shoes as you make your way up to the front door. You can hear music playing inside the house, and there are a few people standing out front smoking. They don’t pay you much attention as you walk up the sidewalk, continuing on with their conversations, only stopping slightly to raise a hand in acknowledgement. The air is thick and humid with impending rain and the frogs croaking in the distance only confirm that. They always seemed to be the loudest right before a storm. You toss the last of your joint into the grass, stomping it out with your foot before climbing up the front steps. 

As you step through the door the music grows in volume and you see people standing around talking with drinks in hand. You scan the room for any familiar faces, but the house is so dimly lit and crowded it's a lost cause. You navigate through the house in search of the kitchen, knowing that is where the liquor will be. A nice stiff drink is calling your name after the day you’d had. Honestly it was surprising you even came to this party, but Daniel asked you no less than three times today causing you to eventually cave and agree. 

The kitchen is lit up a little better as you step into it, people crowding around the counters talking and laughing. You grab a plastic cup and fill it with ice, stepping over towards the bottles of liquor lined up on the kitchen table. Your eyes scan over the mixer options, which are incredibly limited, deciding that vodka would probably be your best bet. You fill the cup as you reach for the tonic water, stirring it with your finger as you recap the tonic. You look for limes, silently laughing for even thinking there would be any as you grab your cup and try to head back into the crowd. 

Stepping out of the kitchen you dodge a pair of drunk girls, nearly spilling your drink. They pass you and as you regain your composure your eyes look up and you see her. You have to double take to make sure your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. That the heat of the room isn’t creating a mirage in the image of her. But it’s not. Across the room, talking to a group of people you don’t recognize is your ex. You quickly tear your eyes away from her, your blood rushing through your veins a little faster now. Your heart is pounding as you weave through the crowd of people, finally spotting Danny and his friends. 

“You made it after all!” Danny says, smacking his hand against your back. 

You sip from your drink, letting out a sigh of refreshment, “Sure did.”

He takes the time to introduce you to his friends, the same friends you’ve been introduced to ten times before, all of you smiling at each other as you realize.

As they drift back into their conversation you stand there sipping at your drink, letting your eyes peer over the edge of your cup as you scan the room looking for her. Maybe it wasn’t her…

You sort of sway in place along with the music, turning your body as inconspicuous as possible to see if you can spot her. As someone steps out of the way she is revealed to you and your suspicions are confirmed. Her hair is shorter now, even a little bit darker than you remember. She is dressed the same as she always was, trendy, edgy, dark. A way that was so effortlessly her. You can’t seem to look away as she speaks, a smile on her face as she talks with her hands. There is a drink in one hand and you wonder what's in the cup. Is it her usual? Did she make it herself? Is she here with someone? You pull your eyes away, turning back to the conversation, pretending you know what’s going on, and that your mind isn’t swimming in thoughts of her. 

“What’s up dude, you good?” Danny asks, turning to you as the other guys start up a side conversation. 

“Huh? Oh yeah. I’m fine.” you lie, sipping nervously at your drink. 

You watch as he turns his head to the side, looking around the room, and you can see the expression on his face as he spots her, mumbling something under his breath. 

“Shit…” he exhales. “You saw her already.”

You turn to look over your shoulder, seeing her still engaged in her conversation. “Yeah. As I was walking over here.”

I didn’t know, man. I swear.” he offers, shaking his head back and forth. “Let’s uh– let’s go smoke.”

You nod and follow him through the crowd of people, walking the opposite direction of her and her friends. You feel a sense of relief as you step outside, the air still hot and humid as you pull your cigarettes from your shirt pocket. “You want one?” you ask, offering him the carton as you place the cigarette between your lips. 

“Nah, just needed to get you out of there for a minute.” he admits. “I knew something was up. Should’ve known.”

“Haven’t seen her since…” you say, blowing a puff of smoke from your lips. 

“Since that night?” he asks, leaning on the wooden railing. 

“Yeah. Been over a year now.” you answer, taking another long drag of your cigarette. “She looks good.”

“Sam…” he admonishes. 

“Did you recognize those girls she was with?” you ask. 

“Nah, not really but, shit man, we see so many goddamn people everyday I don’t think I would know if I did know them.” he smiles, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Yeah, yeah.” you mumble, finally feeling the alcohol entering your system. 

“Look, unless you want her to see you like this, you better turn it off. If I could sense something was up, then you know she will the second she sees you.” he says, and you know he’s right. She was good at that.

“Yeah, just needed a smoke. You’re right. I’m good.” you answer, hoping that answer will get him off your case. You shake your shoulders out, tossing the spent cigarette to the ground. He nods his head at you and you follow him back into the party, trying your best to seem like your emotions weren’t all over the place. 

You never expected it to hit you this hard. You never expected to see her in the first place. And now that you had, it was all rushing in at once. 

You follow Danny through the party as he searches the room for his friends, finding them hanging out in the living room only a few feet from where they were when you left them. You toss back the last of your drink, knowing you’ll need a refill immediately if you’re going to make it through the night. 

As your eyes scan the room, you see her again, this time walking down the hallway on her way back from the bathroom. You try to look away, but you’re too late and she spots you. You see her double take, her lips parting just a bit as she takes you in. You look away again, trying to seem engaged in the conversation and like you don’t care that she is standing five feet away looking at you. 

After a few minutes you know she's returned back to her friends, yet still you can feel her eyes on you. You make a point not to look at her, even though your brain is calling out to you to do just that. Your will power is growing weaker and weaker as the seconds pass and you finally catch yourself turning your head to look at her. You catch her glance and look away, knowing you were caught. Dammit. It happens three more times and at this point neither of you are being sneaky about it. 

With a huff of frustration you step away from the group and head towards the kitchen, making yourself a new, stiffer drink before heading back out to the back porch to smoke the last joint in your pocket. You find yourself in the same spot from earlier, setting your drink on the wooden railing and pulling the tightly rolled joint from your shirt pocket. Lighting it up you let the earthy smoke fill your lungs, and you pray it will take away some of the uneasiness that's been surrounding you all night. 

The joint has dwindled down to only a few more hits, and your mind is feeling a lot lighter as you stare out into the fire pit blazing down in the yard. You hear a pair of heeled boots padding across the deck, and you know exactly who it is. You suck in a deep breath, letting it out slowly just as she joins you against the railing. 

“What, no plaything tonight, Sammy?” 

The sound of her voice sends a shiver down your spine, it's the sweetest timbre you’ve heard in a year. 

You suck your teeth and turn to face her, really getting a chance to drink her in face to face. “What do you mean?”

“Oh don’t play coy, Sam. People talk around here, and you forget that most of your friends were my friends first.”

“I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were going to be here.” you quip. If she wanted to fight, you were going to fight. 

She crosses her arms across her chest, her leather jacket glowing in the cloudy moonlight. “And why’s that? Can’t stand the thought of being around me after everything? With that girl you left me for? What’s her name again?”

A stab right through your heart. “I was never with her Y/N. I didn’t leave you for her. I don’t even speak to her. You know why I left you.”

“You don’t speak to her? That kind of seems like a waste now, don’t you think?” she says, tapping the heel of her boot against the deck. She licks her lips, your eyes darting down to them, lacquered in a deep rich mahogany. 

“What do you want Y/N? Why did you come out here?” you ask, watching her polished fingers grab the remains of the joint from your fingers, before pressing it to her lips. She inhales, breathing in the smoke and letting it sit in her lungs. She releases it slowly through her lips before turning back to look at you. 

“I don’t know Sam…Why can you not keep your eyes off of me? Do you think I didn’t notice the second you walked through the front door? That you’ve been watching me all night?” she asks, cornering you into a confession. 

“Y/N…” you bargain, not even sure how to deny that one. 

“Well?” she presses, stepping closer to you. You can smell her perfume, your mind swimming back to a time you got to smell it daily. 

You lick your lips, huffing out a defeated breath. “You know why.”

“Maybe I don’t, Sam. Why don’t you lay it out for me.”

You think briefly that you should just tell her the truth. Really lay it out if that’s what she wants, but you quickly come to your senses, remembering why you ended things in the first place. 

“You know what, no. We aren’t rehashing this. You know why we broke up Y/N. Nothing has changed. I still can’t give you what you want.” you urge. 

“Yeah, I know that’s the half assed reason you gave for ending things, but I don’t know if I believe that. Especially now, a year later.” she says, raising a brow in challenge. The weed is swirling through your veins, your logic and reasoning is slipping farther and farther out of your grasp and you know the truth is seconds from spilling out. 

“Are you here with someone?” you ask.

Her grip tightens on her jacket, a nervous habit she’s always had. “No.”

You blow out a deep breath, biting your lips together as you let your eyes meet hers. “Let’s leave.”

She tilts her head as she looks at you, “Why would I do that?”

You raise your brows at her, a little taken aback that she's challenging you again. “Why would you do that? Well, because I think you think about me as much as I think about you. I think you wouldn’t be out here otherwise. I think you remember that– that last time last summer, right before everything…” 

Her cheeks flush, and she turns away from you and you know you’re right. She knows you’re right, and now you’re the one that's got her cornered. 

“Come home with me, Y/N.” you ask, your voice a little lighter. 

She looks up at you, her eyes piercing into yours. “Do you still live in the same place?”

You bite your bottom lip as you nod your head. “Yeah, same place. Our place.”

You see her swallow nervously as the words leave your mouth, her eyes looking down at her feet. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

You place your fingers at the curve of her jaw, angling her face to look back at you. “Then don’t think.”

She twists her pretty lips around as she considered it, finally nodding and dropping her arms to her side. Her hand reaches for yours, and you accept it eagerly, twisting your fingers with hers. 

You lead her through the party, tossing back the rest of your drink as you guide her through the kitchen and into the living room. You lock eyes with Danny who sees her then looks back to you, giving you a knowing smirk. He shakes his head and mouths for you to call him as you pull her small hand through the crowd. 

You shut her into the passenger seat the way you’ve done a hundred times before, rushing around the front of the car to make the short drive back home. You can’t help but catch a few glances of her on the drive back, the way the street lights light up her face. The way the rain softly tinkling against the windshield reflects onto her skin. 

As you pull into your driveway you see her face twist up. “You did some planting…”

“Yeah, just a few things here and there. Needed it.” you answer, your chest feeling heavy as you think back to her suggesting it. 

She nods and turns to you with a soft smile. “Should we make a run for it?”

“Yeah, I’ll go up first and unlock the door, then you can just run in.” you say, throwing your car door open and running through the heavy rain. You quickly unlock the door, and motion for her to run, seeing her boots splash through the puddles in her way. Your heart is growing warmer the more time you spend with her, the icy streak that’s developed in her absence thawing just a little. 

You grab her jacket from her, shaking the water from it and hanging it by the door as she steps further inside, kicking off her boots. 

“You painted, too.” she says, admiring the colors you’d chosen. “It feels warm.”

“That’s what I was hoping for.” you smile, heading for the kitchen. 

“You made a lot of changes now that I look around.” she says, staring up at the walls and at the furniture. 

“Yeah, I uh, I kinda had to.” you pause, leaning on the counter as you watch her. “Everything reminded me of you.”

She stops and looks at you, blinking a little slower than usual. She doesn’t know what to say, and truthfully you wouldn’t either.

“How about a drink?” you ask, breaking the tension hanging in the air. She walks over to the island, leaning on it as she watches you pull the bottle of tequila from the bar cart. “Tequila?”

She smiles and nods, you know it’s her favorite. 

Before you can turn around she is sauntering over to the cabinets, opening one and pulling two shot glasses from the second shelf. You feel that warmth spread through your chest again. She remembers. 

She places them on the counter, with a thud. “I get the Mexico glass because it's my favorite.”

“If it’s your favorite, why didn’t you take it?” you ask, pouring the tequila into the small cactus shaped glass. 

“Same reason you painted your walls and changed your house.” she smiles, grabbing the full shot glass from the counter. You swallow heavily as you let her words sink in. She misses you too. 

You pour your shot, capping the Tequila and picking up your shot glass. You hold it in the air as you look at her, both of you ready to take the shot. “What should we toast to?”

“I don’t know, change?”

You smile and nod, tapping your glass to hers. “To change.”

You both drink back the shots, letting out a sigh as the burn takes over your throats. She runs her tongue over her lips. 

“Oh shit, do you need a chaser?” you ask, looking around frantically.

“No.” she answers, her eyes locked in on yours. You felt the mood shift, suddenly you stopped your movement, the both of you staring at each other, that same tension back with a vengeance. 

You step forward, grabbing her hips and spinning her towards you. “I do.” you breathe, leaning forward and pressing your lips to hers. It’s desperate and heated, the taste of her so new but still familiar. Her hands come up to cup at your face, her soft hands weaving into your long hair. 

“Y/N…” you plead, breaking away from her lips for a second. You look into her eyes, which you’re sure are just as desperate looking as yours are, before reattaching your lips to hers as you pull her in as closely as possible. 

“Sammy…” she pants, her hands sliding down your chest to reach for the hem of your shirt. Her hands slide beneath the fabric, finally connecting with your skin, sending a shock of lighting through your body. 

You pull the two of you away from the counter, walking her backwards through the house with your lips still connected. It’s not a long walk, but it’s one she has memorized, even in the darkness of the house. 

You spin her body to rest against the wall, removing your lips from hers and letting them trail down her neck and over her collarbones as she squirms in your arms. 

“Come on, Sammy, you know I hate teasing.” she whines, a smile stretching across your lips. 

“I know, which is why I love to do it.”

You continue to walk her into the bedroom, the one room that hasn’t changed very much. You walk her towards the bed, letting her fall back as her knees hit the edge. You pull your shirt over your head, and join her on the bed, crawling towards her as she reaches for you. The room is lit by your orange salt lamp, casting the prettiest glow on her body as she lies beneath you. You bend your head down to kiss at her neck, feeling her hands slide between you to circle around your back. 

You stop as you feel her nails drag down your back, in just the way that she knows how. Your eyes close as they roll to the back of your head, a sigh leaving your chest. “Fuck, I missed you.”

“Did you?” she breathes, repeating the action. 

“Everyday, I swear.”

“I miss you, too.” she pauses, “Miss this.”

“I want you, Y/N.” you admit. 

“I want you too, Sam.” she breathes, pulling her dress over her head. She lays naked before you, only her panties left, stealing the air from your lungs. 

“Baby, fuck.”

“Touch me. The way you know I like.” she begs, and again you feel like you can’t breathe. You slide your fingers down her sternum and over her stomach, stopping at the edge of the green lace panties. You hook your finger into the waistband and slowly begin to pull them down, letting your eyes flick to hers in permission. She nods and you pull them over her hips, revealing the tiny patch of groomed hair. 

You smirk at her, “Speaking of new.”

“Just something a little different…” she blushes. 

“No, no. I–I like it.” you say, tossing her panties to the floor. You run your thumb over the strip of hair, letting it dip into her wetness, hot and slick. 

You circle her clit as you lean down to press a kiss to her stomach, trembling with anticipation beneath your lips. You let your middle finger swipe through her folds, collecting her wetness as you slide a finger into her, feeling as warm and tight as you ever knew. You pump in and out of her a few times before adding another finger, watching her chest start to heave as your thumb continues to circle at her clit. 

“Sammy…” she pants, letting her eyes open to meet yours. 

“Shhh…I know, I’m getting there.” you answer, a whisper from your lips. 

Your fingers press into her harder, as you lower your head to suck her hardened nipple into your mouth. Your fingers don’t stop as your teeth bite into her skin, just hard enough to elicit a moan, the exact kind of pain she craves. 

“There it is, baby…” you murmur against her skin. You switch to the other side, licking at her before wrapping your lips around her again. Your fingers are working violently inside of her, your teeth grazing her nipple as you feel her start to flutter around you. 

“Sam, I–”

“I know, let it happen. Give it to me.” you coax, continuing to work her just the way you knew she liked. 

“Oh god–oh fuck…” she whines, her hand gripping into your hair as her hips buck upward into your hand as she tumbles into her orgasm. Your name floats from her lips, breathless and spent as she comes down from her high. You pull your fingers from inside her, wiping them on your chest as you kiss her red, swollen lips. 

“Every fuckin’ time, Y/N. Every time it’s so…You’re so…stunning.” you breathe, feeling her hand cupping at your jaw. 

“Can we–”

“Do you want to?” you ask, finishing her thought. 

“I miss this with you Sammy. It’s not the same with anyone else.” she admits, a rush of guilt washing over you. 

“I know.” you nod, admitting the same. “One more time?” 

“Please…” she breathes. 

You feel her hands reaching between you, unbuttoning your pants and pushing them down your body. You kick them the rest of the way off, feeling her soft, warm hand wrap around your dick.

She wasn’t wrong, there had been other girls, but none like her. None that made you feel like this. None who’s touch felt like that. 

“Y/N…” you sigh. 

Her thumb swipes against your tip, soft and gentle as she guides you down to her. You grab the base, flicking the tip through her wetness before positioning at her center. Your eyes meet hers, so filled with love, so filled with every beautiful thing, you couldn’t help but to give her everything she wanted. 

You press into her, her body drawing you in the same way it always did. This part of your relationship was never the issue, it was everything that surrounded this. You slide into her, her hands snaking around your waist as you bottom out inside of her. A groan leaves your chest at the feeling of her wrapped around you. The way no one else feels. 

“Sammy…” your name is a whisper from her lips as you start to roll your hips into her. The pace is slow and steady as you take every second to soak her in, remembering how perfect this felt. 

“I know…I’m– I remember…” you breathe, letting your hand cup at her chest, rolling her nipple between your fingers. 

She tightens around you, her eyes squeezing shut as she tries to stave off her release, not ready for this to be over yet. Your eyes focus on her as you slide into her, your pace growing a bit quicker as you feel the burn in your stomach. 

Her legs wrap around your waist, pulling you in tighter, closer, deeper. It's warm, your bodies sticky with a sheen of sweat as both of you work towards your orgasm. 

Her eyes flick up to yours, dark and sparkling in the orange glow of the room, your hips snapping into hers so naturally and effortless. You feel a warmth wash over you, hot and burning in your chest as you look at her. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N…” you whisper, seeing her eyes well with tears. 

“Sam, don’t…” she pleads, her fingertips gripping into your skin. 

“Baby, please…” you beg, “Forgive me…”

“Sammy, you– you hurt me, I–”

“I know. I know I did, I just… I was stupid… I– fuck, fuck, I’m there…” you groan. “Do you want me to–”

“No, no, you can. Please…” she begs, her hands sliding up to your neck. 

With one more sharp thrust of your hips, you feel her fluttering around you, her eyes closing tightly as she lets go, letting her orgasm rip through her, her back arching up off of the bed. Your name falls from her lips, soft and breathy as your hips falter. 

You wrap your arms around her as you pull yourself closer to her, letting your own release take over you. “Fuck, I love you Y/N. I’m sorry– I love you…” the words escape from your heart as you spill into her. 

You collapse onto her, holding her tightly as her lips find yours. Her tongue tangles with yours for a few seconds before she pulls away, letting you roll off of her. “I mean it.” you say, turning to look at her. 

“I know you do.” she says, sliding off the bed and making her way into the bathroom to clean up.

After a shower and a glass of water both of you are tucking into bed, the same one you once shared. It feels full and warm with her here, something you missed terribly and not once could ever replicate with someone else. You run your fingers through her wet hair, pulling your fingers slowly through each strand as you listen to her talk, your mind being lulled to sleep by the sounds of her voice. 

Could you do this? Could you make it work this time? Would she ever forgive you? Could she ever trust you again? Why does this feel so good? 

You pull her close and kiss her cheek, waiting for her to turn towards you so you could kiss her lips. God you missed this. You rub your thumb over her cheek as you look at her, neither of you saying a word, just reveling in the moment. Her eyes blink slowly and you know sleep is coming for her. 

“I love you too, Sam.” she whispers, kissing at your palm. You kiss her again, pulling her into your chest as you both let your eyes close. Your mind continues to wander, wondering how you could make things work this time, knowing that your circumstances haven't changed. You're still on the road, still gone half the year, and still unable to give her the comfortable stable life she wanted. 

You let your eyes open, seeing her asleep in your arms, her face soft and relaxed as she dreamed. You wanted to give her everything. You really did. You loved her, more than you ever loved anyone. But could you? Could you make it work?

You woke feeling more rested than you had in a long time, your brain not plagued by fatigue from tossing and turning all night. You felt the alcohol in your system still, your limbs a little more sluggish than you wanted as you rolled over to face her. But as you opened your eyes you found your bed empty and the sheets cold. 

You sat up quickly looking for her, only to find her and her things gone. You rub at your eyes trying to gain some clarity, grabbing your phone from your nightstand to find it just as barren as your bed. Your chest felt tight as you realized she was gone. 

She’d left you this time. 

She was a mirage afterall. 

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[gretavanmoon]

G13

Spinning Now: "Finish What Ya Started" by Van Halen (1988)

Pairing: Josh x Female Reader

Word Count: 8.2k

Description: You and Josh, your favorite new co worker, decide to share more than drinks as what started as a normal night turns into something you never expected.

Warnings: Smoking, Drinking, Cursing, Drug Use, Heavy Flirting, Praise, Dirty Talk, Touching, Mention of Breakups and Heartbreak, Sadness. Smut: Kissing, Oral M!receiving

New town, new job, new life. 

That’s always how things went in the movies, and every time, the girl always got her happy ending.

How hard can it be, right?

After you’d managed to knock the first new off your list when you moved out of your ex’s house and to the next city over, the “job” part was next in line. After a week of filling out applications, you finally landed on the perfect selection, a serving job at Angelo’s Pizza.

You’d started this new job about about three months ago, and you finally felt like you were getting your footing with the flow of things. You’d been a server for as long as you could remember, but getting used to a new restaurant with new people and new menus and management could sometimes prove to be difficult. You were handling it with as much grace as you could, and the money was killer, so you stuck it out.

“You coming to the bar with me tonight?” your new favorite coworker, Josh asked as he stared into the kitchen from the expo window, rolling a pile of coasters across the countertop. 

“Mmmh…” You mumbled under your breath. “I dunno, I’ve been here since lunch and my feet are absolutely killing me.”

”Ugh don’t be such a prude, Y/N.” He responded, taking a pepperoni and cheese in one hand, and a supreme in the other. “We’ll be sitting down the whole time. Ya know. In barstools.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You teased, elbowing him in the ribs. “I guess so, but I can’t stay out late like last weekend. I open tomorrow.”

“Oooo, a clopen. That sucks. Well, I don’t. So I can get drunk, and you can watch me.” He flashed you a giant smile before taking off with the pizzas in hand, disappearing into the sea of people seated in the restaurant.

Josh had befriended you on your very first day, comforting you after your manager harshly scolded you for ringing something in incorrectly. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He’d said as you pouted in the walk-in. “I still fuck my shit up all the time. The cooks don’t really care, plus if you mess somethin’ up, we get to eat the fucked up pizza.” That was the only thing he said to you the entire day, but it really stuck with you, immediately making you feel a lot better about your tiny mistake. 

Now, after a few months of working side by side with Josh, you’d actually gotten to know each other fairly well, and you’d even go as far as calling him one of your good friends. You’d managed to get to know all your coworkers on a surface level, but Josh actually took the time to listen to you when you spoke, and showed real interest in the things you had to say, no matter how menial. 

He was cute, and around the same age as you, but there was something about Josh that you couldn’t put your finger on. It was something that struck you, making him stand out from the rest of the guys you worked with. His aura pulled you in, and the way his eyes sparkled in the neon that covered the walls of the restaurant didn’t help the fact that he sometimes made your heart skip a beat. You decided that it was just his looks, though, catching you off guard every once in a while as you were around him more. Most importantly, he made you feel welcome. Like a good friend should. 

The more you got to know Josh, the more open he became with you, and you quickly learned that his real personality outside of work was a little bit different than when you were on the clock. It’d become almost a habit, now, joining Josh at his favorite dive bar down the street when you’d both end up on the same closing schedule. It was like Groundhog Day, Josh would ask you to come out, you’d find an excuse to turn him down, but you always left Angelo’s with your hand in his as you tiredly dragged yourselves down the street. Sometimes other coworkers would join you, but it was always the two of you left shutting the bar down, joking and laughing with one another as you waited for your Ubers.

Josh was quickly becoming a norm for you. A fun, platonic norm. And though you were both flirty with one another, it never felt as though it would go past anything but that. Just friends. And you were very content with that. 

So tonight, as things wound down and the patrons closed out their tabs, you felt as if you really could use a nightcap or two to reward yourself for not making even one mistake on your orders today.

As you tied the oversized trash bag closed, you met eyes with Josh as he skillfully swiped the mop across the sticky, sauce-covered floor. 

He grinned when he saw you looking, making your stomach drop. “What?” He asked, biting his lower lip in as he staved off a full-on smile.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how you roped me into going out again tonight.” You said with faux aggravation.

Josh sucked in his teeth as he plopped the mop back into the big yellow bucket, rolling it over to where you stood. “Actually, I asked you out with me tonight for another reason. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was gonna get absolutely shit hammered, tonight.” His tone was serious rather than silly, and you instantly felt like something was wrong.

“What’s the other reason?” You pressed, lifting the bag from the can. “Everything okay?”

He shook his head and swallowed, opening the double doors to the kitchen to go and dump his bucket. You followed closely behind him with your trash. 

“Eh, not really. I’ll tell you all about it when we get there. Let’s lock this bitch up.” He flashed his eyes to the floor as he spoke, which was unlike him. He always spoke with such confidence and effortless ease. 

The two of you finished up your closing tasks and said goodnight to the line cooks, grabbing up your things from your lockers and stuffing your aprons back inside. Josh was quiet the whole time, again striking you as out of the ordinary. You hadn’t known Josh long, but you did know him well enough to know that something was off, and he wasn’t handling it well.

“Think I’m going straight for liquor tonight.” He said as you walked arm in arm down the crowded sidewalk to the bar. He tilted his head back, blowing a puff of air above you, watching as the cold air turned it into steam. 

“Damn.” You answered. “You must really be going through it, friend.” It was also unlike Josh to drink liquor; each time you were around him, he’d always chosen draft beer. 

You both stepped inside the dimly-lit dive bar, letting the heat warm your chilly bones from the cold autumn air. You both took up camp on two stools at the end of the bar, closest to the back wall. The bartender Roy approached you, throwing down two bar napkins in front of you as you got comfortable in your seats. 

“Evenin’, guys. Sex on the Beach andddd, Josh, we’ve got a Kolsch and a pale ale on tap, and also a—“

“Jack Daniel’s. Neat, please.” Josh interrupted Roy, causing him to contort his face with surprise. 

“Been waiting on you almost five years and never known you to drink liquor. But, alright…” Roy responded as he left for a minute, returning and placing your drinks in front of you. “I’ll keep the tab goin’.”

It was silent between the two of you for the first couple of minutes, both of you sipping your drinks as you relaxed your muscles from the long workday. Finally, you decided you would have to be the one to speak first, for once. 

“Okay, spill. What’s got you on the hard stuff tonight?” You asked, turning to face Josh in your stool. 

He leaned on his elbow, his tight black t-shirt squeezing his toned arm just right. “I got dumped last night.” 

You felt your eyebrows jump to your forehead. “What?! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Josh…I didn’t even know you had a—“

“Nah, it’s okay. I could kinda tell shit was going sideways, anyway, ya know? Almost expected it. But, still doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He disconnected his eye contact, tilting his glass back all the way and finishing off the last bit of his whiskey. 

You were almost stunned speechless. You hadn’t seen Josh show any emotion that even came close to sadness before, and you struggled with how you were going to react. 

Roy brought the bottle of Jack over, filling Josh’s glass with another two fingers. 

“How long were you together?” You asked, tiptoeing with caution, given that he might not want to go into much detail. 

“Four and a half years.” He said blankly. 

“My god, are you serious?!” You choked out with disbelief. 

He nodded hard as he kept his eyes trained on the bar in front of you, spinning his stool in tiny tight circles. “Yeah. Long time.” He sipped his drink again. 

“I really am sorry, Josh. That’s a long time to be with someone for it to just...” You placed a hand on his arm as you spoke. 

He crossed his arms in front of him. “Yeah, it’s fucked.” He growled, leaning back in his stool. 

“You wanna talk about it?” You asked. 

“No, that’s why we’re here.” He slammed his hands on the bar top, motioning for Roy to refill your already almost empty cocktail. 

Roy brought your new drink over, stirring the drink with the tiny straw for you. Josh lifted his glass into the air, forcefully clinking it against yours. “To moving on!” He said, finishing the drink off once again. 

——

An hour or so later, you and Josh had managed to find yourselves significantly intoxicated once again, engaged in a deep passionate debate. 

“Ever since they banned smoking indoors, the American bar scene has been fucked!” Josh drunkenly yelled overtop of the loud music and large crowd that had joined you inside the bar. 

You had to laugh. “Josh, not everybody loves breathing that shit in! It makes some people really sick!” You challenged. 

“Ah, hell. You come into a bar, you expect to be around smoke, all there is to it. All there is to it!” He crossed his arms and shrugged his shoulders in defiance of your argument. 

“You can go outside and smoke, Josh. Easy as that. Just get over it!” The two of you were glassy-eyed and giggly, feeling your liquor take hold of you as you talked. Josh brought about a warmth in you that you’d never experienced before, and you’d be lying if you said your…attraction? to him wasn’t amplified when you were drunk. 

No, not attraction. 

Something else…

You had no idea what to label the feeling, because you’d never felt it ever before. You took it in stride, though, embracing the completely new emotion as it came. It was almost like you craved his attention, and fed off of him engaging with you. You wanted to please him, but not in such a way that was sexual. 

…You didn’t think. 

No. You just craved his recognition. Wanted his eyes on you and no one else. Wanted to make him laugh, be the one who made him forget about everything else. It wasn’t a jealousy thing, it was a matter of possessiveness. You wanted to protect him like a best friend. And anyone who dared cause him unhappiness would have to deal with you. 

Is this insane thinking?! Am I crazy for this? You drunkenly asked yourself as you washed your hands in the bar bathroom sink, giving yourself a disapproving look in the mirror. Probably, maybe…but he seems to feel the same about you... You had noticed that the second you’d inadvertently struck up a conversation with another guy at the bar, Josh quickly stole your attention away again, bringing up a whole new topic of conversation that had nothing to do with the last. 

He charmed you. Drew you in. Challenged your thoughts and opinions…made you talk like you’d never talked before. Laugh like you’d never laughed. 

“You’re really smart, Y/N. I didn’t really notice that about you, before.” Josh smiled as he leaned over toward you on the bar. His cheeks were tinted the prettiest pink from the alcohol. 

“Uhh, thanks, I guess?” You chortled, feigning being offended. 

“No I mean, you surprise me. Keep me guessing, every time I turn around. Never had a friend like that before. I’m usually so bored with everyone I meet. You make me like, think. Ya know?” He explained as you nodded sweetly in understanding. You knew you were blushing. 

“Last call!!” You heard Roy yell across the still-crowded room. You made blurry eye contact with Josh again. 

“Damn, we didddit agin.” You stammered. “Let me pay, you’ve had a hard couple’a days.” 

“No no no, no you don’t. I asked you here, my treat. Plus, my drinks were fuckin’ pricey tonight.”

“But Josh, let me treat you, for once...” You jutted your bottom lip out as you begged him. You watched as his eyes landed on your lips, stealing his attention again. Suddenly, you felt excited. 

“Alright, alright. But I’m leavin’ the tip.” He agreed. “I just needed some sympathy…that’s all I wanted tonight.”

“And you got it, didn’t you? You forgot all about your messy breakup?”

“For the most part, yes.” He laughed. “But I like to look at the long run, ya know? Like to take each step, one by one. Let myself live in the sadness.”

You scoffed as you signed your name on the receipt and pulled your coat on. “Psh, Josh, didn’t you just cheers me and say ‘to moving on’?”

He stood from his stool, wrapping his arm around your neck tightly. The smell of his cologne mixed with the remnants of pizza filled your senses, temporarily making you dizzy as he squeezed you in his grip. 

“I did, Y/N, I did. But I’m also drunk, now. So. And also, I don’t really wanna go home yet. ‘M gonna walk you to your Uber then hit up Chauncey’s…they stay open ‘til 2.”

You turned in his grasp, your face within inches of his as he held you tightly. “Don’t go back out, Josh. No sense in drinkin’ your sorrows away by yourself.” It felt like you were outside of your own body; all you wanted was to go home and strip down and crawl into bed, but for some reason, your mouth told Josh that apparently you didn’t want to go home, either. “Come back to my place. We’ll have one more drink, and we can share the blunt that TJ gave me yesterday.”

“TJ? The linecook?” Josh seemed surprised. “You letting strangers give you drugs now, Y/N?”

“He’s hardly a stranger, Josh. Why, you jealous?” You teased, while also testing the waters of what the hell this feeling the two of you apparently shared could actually be. 

“Fuck no, I’m not jealous. I’m…I…” Josh opened his mouth, but nothing came out after that. “I don’t know, I just—“ You were still tightly wrapped up in the crook of his elbow, his face so close to yours that you could smell the liquor on his breath as he struggled to speak. 

You decided to save him. “It’s alright Josh. You don’t have to come over. I’ll smoke it allllll by myself…” you sneakily wrapped your arm around his back, giving it a couple playful pats. 

He looked down at you through his lashes, his jaw clenched tightly together. “You really want me to come over?”

You nodded. “I do. Come on, it’ll be fun.” More than anything, you wanted him to know you were the reason he had such a good night, and the reason he was able to forget about his breakup.

“Okay, jackass. You talked me into it. Let’s go get high.” He released you from his grasp as you confirmed your Uber on your phone, and your overwhelming satisfaction of claiming his attention again propelled you out the door. 

——

“Cute place. You decorate it yourself?” Josh teased as you both entered your apartment. It was only half-decorated and you hardly had any furniture, spending most of your days working and saving up money to finish furnishing it. 

“Shut up, dick head!” You shoved him backwards as he laughed. “I haven’t finished making it cute yet.” You pulled the bottle of liquor from the cabinet, shaking the little bit that was left. “I know you’ve been drinking whiskey, but…vodka’s all I’ve got.”

“Ah, it’ll work.” Josh responded, plopping down on your couch. “M’already fucked with a hangover tomorrow, might as well do it up.” You caught sight of his pretty light brown curls sitting on top of his head, and you felt another rush of that strange excitement soar through you. 

You made the two drinks and joined him on the couch, pulling the blunt up under your nose as you breathed in its earthy scent. Josh took the drink from your hand, raising his eyebrows as he watched you smell the rolled marijuana. 

“TJ usually has good shit, I will say.” He winked, sipping his drink. 

You pulled your feet up underneath you on the couch, scooting yourself closer to him. “Thought you said I shouldn’t take drugs from strangers…”

“I never said you shouldn’t, I just meant that next time you should get your weed from me.” He spoke without a care, taking the blunt from your hand and bringing it to his own nose. 

“Ah, well I was unaware I could do that, Joshua.” You snatched it back from him, taking the lighter from the table in front of you and lighting the end of the blunt. You inhaled the smoke slowly, noticing that Josh hadn’t responded to you. 

You glanced at him, finding the most devastating half smile on his face. You swore you felt your skin tingle. 

“Did you just call me by my government name, Y/N?” He whispered, leaning his head down to you. 

You exhaled the smoke you didn’t realize you were holding, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you mad about it?”

You passed him the blunt. “Nah, kinda liked the way it sounded, actually.” You watched as his lips made a perfect O around the tip of the blunt, and you found yourself wondering what kind of chapstick he used to get them to look…like that…

You felt your eyes grow heavy as your first hit found you, the THC entering your system quickly. Josh must have noticed, as he giggled at your appearance. “Told you TJ had good shit.”

“I swear to god I’m already fuckin’ high…” you laughed, taking another big hit. 

“Mmm, no baby, you’re crossed. But not all the way. Yet.” Josh’s voice was gritty and buttery all at the same time. And the fact that he called you baby had you feeling that same feeling again. He calls everybody baby, though…all the girls at work…you’re not special. 

The two of you sat and smoked until the blunt was a roach, and the air around you was thick with haziness. Your entire body was heavy and floaty, and you swore you could feel the blood pumping through your extremities. The conversation with Josh was so easy, so effortless, and the way the two of you held the complete attention of one another continued to astound you. 

“So tell me about you. What’s your real story?” Josh asked, the both of you sitting facing one another completely, now. 

You sipped your vodka drink. “What do you mean, real story?”

“I only know a little bit about you, where did you come from? What’s in your past?”

You took a deep breath. “Well, believe it or not, Josh, I kinda just got broken up with recently, too.”

“No way, you’re kidding. When? What happened?” He pressed. 

“Ahh, about a month before I started at Angelo’s. I’m from about twenty miles away, up north a bit. Came here looking to start completely fresh. Still close enough to my family, if I need them. Ya know…” you trailed off. Josh’s eyes were telling you to continue. 

“I got dumped, too. After a year of being with him. I thought we were serious, but apparently not. It didn’t hurt me too bad, I’m alright. Liking my new life pretty well, actually.”

Josh dramatically leaned back on the couch cushion, throwing his free hand over his face. “Ugh, god…how embarrassing. You handled bein’ dumped like a goddamned rockstar. I’m over here down in the dumps.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s okay, Josh. Four and a half years is a lot longer than one…”

“You’re right, I guess.” He sat back up, bringing his attention back to you. “So what was his reason? What was his last straw?” He asked, moving his face closer to yours. Your body was vibrating from the alcohol and the weed, and the presence of Josh sitting so close to you on your couch. You were positively buzzing. 

“He uh, didn’t really give me one. Just said it was over.” You whispered, feeling your emotions flying all over the place. Josh’s hand reached up, twirling a piece of your hair between his fingers. “He also said I was a bad kisser, or something stupid.”

Josh winced at your words. “A bad kisser? I highly doubt that, Y/N…” 

“And why do you doubt that?” You giggled. 

“Because. I have a hard time taking my eyes off your lips, I can only imagine how hard it would be to take my lips off of them…” he smirked a little, laughing through his nose. 

“You’re fuckin’ stoned.” You laughed, leaning your face onto his hand. 

“And? I speak nothing but the truth, baby.”

“Mmmhm, yeah. Shut up.” You complained. 

“I’m serious. I bet you really are a good kisser. That guy was just…stupid.”

“Maybe I’m a horrible kisser, how would I ever know?” You shrugged, feeling your body about to jump out of your skin simply from having this conversation with Josh. 

He held his first two fingers up, motioning for you to come here. “Come on. Show me how you like to kiss.” 

“What?! No, I’m not gonna do that.” You blushed, pulling away from him with shyness. 

“Baby, it’s me. I’m just trying to judge your kissing skills. I’ll be completely honest with you, tell you if that guy was right or not.” Josh said, holding his hands out to the sides. 

You stopped, staring at Josh through your slit eyelids, trying to figure him out. He met you with sincere eyes, and though you were both extremely intoxicated, you didn’t feel uncomfortable in the least. 

“I’m serious. Just kiss me.” He said matter of factly. “S’no big deal.” 

You took a deep breath, feeling the air surrounding you heavy with normalcy, but also heavy with yearning. 

You slowly pulled yourself in closer to him, gently wetting your lips as your mind went back and forth on whether or not to do this. Your breath became a little chopped, nerves bursting through the wall of your drunken carelessness. 

Finally you were close enough to feel his breath on your lips, and your hands naturally shot up to cup his jaw. He clenched it, his eyes falling heavy again as his breath caught. Your heart was absolutely pounding from your chest. 

“Do it.” He whispered. “Show me.”

You finally let your lips press gently to his, your hands still cupping his jaw, as his hands sat comfortably in his lap. The feeling of them was exactly what you had imagined, soft, supple, and sweet, with the tiniest bit of sting on them from the leftover liquor. You finally exhaled, pulling away a bit to gauge his reaction. 

“You can get into it, baby.” He smiled, urging you to push through your nerves. “I’m just here to help, s’just me…” his voice was like honey, the sound of it tearing through your body as he motivated you. 

You leaned in again, this time letting yourself be a little more brazen, a little more steadfast as you worked to prove your ex wrong. Worked to impress Josh. Worked to show him. You opened your mouth a little, letting your tongue skirt across his bottom lip. The flavor of him almost knocked you down. 

You began to get into it some more, letting your high take over, and letting your guard down as you found yourself really, really enjoying kissing him. You perched up a little bit moving to your knees to get a better stance. 

“Mmmhmm… keep goin’ baby…” Josh mumbled when you broke away for a second. His words urged you on, and you felt brave enough to push your tongue further into his mouth, but only a little. You didn’t want to overwhelm, just experiment. His tongue met yours in the process, tasting each other for the very first time. 

Your hands curled up in his hair, squeezing at the roots a bit. He let out a little whine, so quiet that you almost didn’t even hear it. It ignited something inside you again, and you knew you had to drive it home. Had to prove yourself. You pulled away for a second, hissing in air as you bit his bottom lip, pulling it out a little and making eye contact before pressing into him again, both of you moving in such unison that you were fully involved in the sultry kiss, now. 

At this point you felt like you were teetering on the thin line of platonic kissing; you were still trying to prove yourself, but also…he tasted so good…

You felt the need to be touched. You reached down and grabbed Josh’s wrists, pulling them up to rest on you- one hand on your thigh, and the other around the back of your neck. You wanted reciprocation. He obliged, and as you licked into his mouth, his hand squeezed into your thigh, strong and needing. His fingers felt like burning embers on your leg, and you wished that you had changed into shorts when you got home. 

His hand pulled at the back of your neck, burying your mouths further into one another. “Fuck, baby…he was wrong, you proved him so wrong…” Josh said, smiling against your lips as he delved back in. Your mind was swimming from his words of praise, and you decided that though this was simply an act between friends, you knew that you could kiss him all day long, never tiring of the feeling of his lips on yours. You were completely surrounded by him, by his warming presence. His scent, his sounds, his touch… It was all too much. You felt like you were drowning in him, but you didn’t dare try to pull yourself from his waters. 

Your hands squeezed at his hair one last time as you let them drift down his cheeks and neck, tickling the back of his neck before rolling across his shoulders. You slowly brought them down to his pecs, and finally rested them on his cheeks again, pulling his face away from yours for a split second before landing one last peck. 

When you finally disconnected, you took in the sight of him…hair disheveled, eyes black and glazed, and his hands still rested gently in the places that you put them. 

“Holy fuck…” he breathed. 

“Oh my god, was it bad? It was bad, wasn’t it? He was right, I’m a horrible kis—“ you were completely cut off by Josh’s lips on yours again, this time forcefully pulling you into him. This kiss was pleading, unbridled, and wanting, and each time you pulled away, you both were panting with want. 

“What the fuck are we doing?” You breathed when you broke away. 

“Kissing contest.” He answered, his hand respectfully staying on the back of your neck. “I think I’m winning, though…” 

“Mmm, I don’t know about that…” you said with a bit more confidence in yourself after seeing how you made him feel. 

“Yeah you’re right.” He agreed through an inhale. “You’re kicking my ass at this experiment.” He drove his tongue into your mouth again, but it didn’t make you want to retract…it made you want to pull it in further. You began to feel the heat that the two of you were emanating, and the sweat that was forming on your skin. 

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely turned on, but you would never let him know that. You couldn’t. You’re just friends. One friend helping another get over his ex by having a kissing contest. Makes total sense. 

Finally you pulled away again, covering your mouth with your hand. You laughed, making Josh in turn laugh with you. “Well? What’s the verdict? Was he right?” You asked. 

“Fuck no, he wasn’t right. You’re a hell of a kisser, Y/N.” Josh’s smile stretched all the way across his face, completely blissed out in his high. “God damn, you left me a panting mess, baby.”

Your heart stopped at his words, feeling more confidence in yourself than you’d felt in a long, long time. Suddenly, the wildest idea to ever come across your mind escaped right through your lips. 

“Josh, we’re just good friends, right?” You asked. 

“Yeah, baby. Real good friends.” He wiped his hand across his mouth before extending both arms across the back of your couch. 

“Do you—do you care if I finish what I started?” You asked in an absolute moment of weakness. The look on his face turned up into surprise, and you weren’t sure how he was going to react to your question. 

“What uh, what do you mean, Y/N?” 

You moved toward him again, wanting to feel him again. Feel his hands on you again. Be the center of all his attention again. 

“Can you judge something else for me, Josh? I’ve always wondered how well I…performed…and who better to be the judge than my very good friend? Who will be completely honest with me?” 

WHO even are you?! You felt like a person outside your own body. The confidence he was giving you was…

“This ain’t no way to treat the broken-hearted, baby…” he replied, his voice a soft breath of air as his head lulled backwards. You paused again, unsure how to take him. “But I’ll be your judge…”

“Really? You will?” You asked, feeling vulnerable, but also wanting to show out for him. 

“Mhm. If that’s what you really want…” He bit his lower lip into his mouth, letting his eyes fall onto your lips like they had been doing all night. 

“Just friends…” you reiterated. 

“Just friends.” He parroted, lightly tapping your cheek with his hand. 

This was absolutely something you never did, and definitely wasn’t something you could ever even see yourself doing with Josh, of all people. You were supposed to be making him forget about his ex, letting him talk through it… hell, he was just dumped twenty-four hours ago. But there was something other-worldly spurring you on, whispering in your ear to just do it. And he was letting you. Was it wrong? Maybe, probably… but honestly, where was the harm in it? You were both obviously into each other, and as long as you were just making each other happy, you didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Besides, this new need to make him think about nothing but you at every single second was making your head spin, and you wanted his focus completely on you, right now. You moved to press your lips to his again, letting things naturally heat up so that you could continue on with your intentions. You took a deep breath, confidently removing yourself, and placing yourself in the floor in front of him. It was at this second that you were extremely thankful for your liquid courage, and the fact that you were too stoned to care about much else besides pleasing Josh. He almost made it easy. 

“Ten.” Josh said out of nowhere. 

“What?” you asked. 

“I give your kissing a ten out of ten. Seriously.” He said, smiling from the corner of his mouth as he ran his hand along your arm, peering down at you as you kneeled on the floor. 

You felt your face turn beet red, and you halfway didn’t really believe him. 

“Stop playing, you don’t have to be nice.” You erred.

“M’not just being nice. Seriously, I rate it a ten.” He stated, and you knew by the sincerity in his voice that he was telling the truth.

“Wow. Didn’t expect that, honestly.” you pulled a few strands of hair behind your ear. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now, you gonna finish what ya started, or not?” There was a darkness in his tone that you hadn’t noticed yet, and it made your stomach turn over with nerves. But even more so, it lit a fuse in your chest that was slowly burning, ready to explode at any given second. And with each passing minute, you wanted to impress him even more. 

You maneuvered yourself on your knees, gripping his thighs and pulling them apart so that you could place yourself between them. Your hands stayed there on his legs, squeezing and kneading at his muscles as you moved your hands closer and closer to where you both really wanted them to be. You could almost physically see him getting harder through his dark jeans, and you could hear his breathing picking up, too. 

You let your hands drift to his groin, squeezing the muscles there as he leaned down in his seat, giving you extra space as his head fell back on the cushions. You found the button on his jeans, pulling the fabric sideways and undoing the button with one hand and unzipping the zipper. “Damn, alright…” Josh laughed, holding his hands up. “Show off.”

You took that as a tiny win, and decided to keep it going, playing on his words from earlier. ‘You keep me guessing at every turn…’

You pushed your hair back behind your shoulders, and leaned yourself down, letting your mouth meet his boxer-covered dick. You nipped your teeth lightly at it, making him hiss. You could tell just from this little bit of contact that he was well-endowed, and you felt your mouth physically watering for him. You needed to taste him. Your lips bounced around, peppering little kisses all over… the indirect contact making his hips jut up a little. 

You sat back, motioning with your hands. “Pull them down for me.” you demanded of him, and he gave you the sneakiest smirk, leaning back and pushing his pants and boxers down far enough to spring himself free. 

You weren’t wrong. He was perfectly sized, and it reassured you that you were okay with going forward with this. What you did notice, though, was he wasn’t as hard as you wanted him to be. Your hands rested on his thighs again as you sized him up, licking your lips as you prepared yourself. 

Josh had been the one urging you on all night, but suddenly, it felt like there had been a little bit of a shift. You finally brought your moistened lips to him, licking little circles around his tip, starting slowly at first, then picking up a little bit of speed. You swirled and gently suckled, and you felt him take in a big breath of air into his lungs. You glanced up at him, finding him looking up at the ceiling as he bit his lips. 

“What’sa matter, Josh? You okay?” you pressed, knowing that you could stop at any second, if that was what he wanted. 

“No, yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I just… this is the first time someone else…since…” he didn’t need to say anything more.

“God, yeah. I’m sorry, your breakup is so fresh, I’m sure this is more mental than anything, for you…” you agreed as you sat back. “We don’t have to–”

“No. Yes we do, Y/N. I’m just…” You could tell Josh was having a hard time with his words again, for the second time tonight. 

“Just what? You can tell me…”

He swallowed, placing a sweet hand on the side of your face. “This is the first time I’ve um…been…with a woman…in a very long time.”

“Oh.” You muttered, his sentiment catching you off guard a little. You hadn’t realized you never even asked the name of his ex, let alone any details about the relationship.

“But it’s okay, Y/N…” He smiled, letting his thumb brush your cheek. “I may be wallowing in my sorrows, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want this, want you to do this. Just…in my head a little bit.” He admitted, putting a hole through your heart.

You sighed. “It doesn’t feel wrong?” Your voice was tiny as it escaped you. 

He quickly shook his head side to side as he layed back on his elbow behind his head. “No. That’s what’s making me freak out a little, it doesn’t feel wrong in the least.” He swallowed. “Maybe I…Maybe I wasn’t as in love as I thought I was.”

You smiled a pitiful smile as you rested your elbows on his knees, taking a deep, recentering breath of your own. 

“You’re really fuckin’ pretty, Y/N.” He complimented you out of the blue, his thumb still grazing your cheek. “And I’m really into you.”

“You are?” You asked.

“Yeah. I know we said we’re friends, but friends can do this. Right? Doesn’t stop the fact that I’m attracted to you.” His glossy words made your stomach do flips again as you realized maybe his feelings were the exact same as yours. Unexplainable, but still overwhelmingly good.

“Yeah. I really think friends can do this.” You agreed. And you were serious. If you were going to be this person for Josh, then he could also in turn be this person for you. 

“Plus, the feeling of your lips on my cock just now…” He laughed through his nose. “Might be in competition with your ten out of ten kissing. And you hadn’t even…” He stopped there, biting both his lips into his mouth as he slid his hips down again. 

Good god, you’d hoped he would have a little bit of a dirty mouth. 

“You want me to keep going?” You asked. 

“Fuck yeah, I do. I gotta judge your skill, don’t I?” He played, removing his hand from your cheek and running it through your hair. He gripped it a little, making you stiffen your neck. Your eyes flashed to his, and you didn’t even need to say anything, he knew what you meant. He nodded, giving you the go ahead, and you prayed that he wouldn’t remove his hand from tangling up in your hair. 

You slowly leaned down to him again, starting things up just as you had before. Your tongue swirled on his tip, wetting it in circles as you let the saliva build up in your mouth. Around and around you took it, descending further and further onto him with every rotation. You heard him breathe out, his hips shaking a little beneath you. As you got as far as you could get, you pursed your lips down, tightening them around the base of his cock before sucking hard, pulling up and off of him completely. His hand tightened in your hair, showing you that he was liking it so far. 

He let out a groan, followed by a little laugh. “Fuck yeah, Y/N…”

You quickly found a rhythm, letting your head begin to bob as you worked your tongue and cheeks, alternating forceful suction mixed with light little pops of your lips. His hips were jutting with every movement, and the sounds that were coming from him were enough to keep you going, keep you striving to impress him…

You took him in your hand, gripping at the base and using the saliva that had dripped down as lubrication to move your hand, twisting and pumping it. “Jesus Christ, you’re…” You took a second to glance up at him, seeing his jaw tightly clenched and his chest heaving with labored breaths. He brought his other hand down, pulling the hair that had drifted down away from your face, pulling it all back to the nape of your neck and holding it tightly there. You nodded, letting him know you were okay with him guiding your movements. 

“Mhm.” You hummed on him. “Show me how you like it.”

He let out a choke of breath and readjusted in his seat, spreading his legs wider for you. He gripped a little harder on your hair, pulling you up and across his stomach, your faces almost touching as he brought his mouth close. He didn’t say anything, just hissed through his teeth as he scanned over your face. He then used a little bit of force to push your head back down to where it was, and you resumed your work. 

Fuck, what the hell is happening… your chemistry with Josh was absolutely off the chain. You felt like you would follow every command he would ever give you, let him use you in the worst ways, completely trusting him to do as he pleased. You were absolutely yearning to satisfy him. 

“I’ll show you exactly how I like it baby, but this is your show, remember? You’re calling the shots…” he growled, his voice deeper and more grating than it was earlier. You shrugged one shoulder, replacing your hand around his base. You moved it up and down opposite of your mouth, making his whole body start to shake. Your tongue worked on him, as your mouth drifted down as far as it could possibly go, with the help of Josh’s light guidance.

The weed had contributed to your slow, languid movements while the alcohol made your inhibitions fly out the window… the beautiful combo of the crossfade sending you both into a blurry and slow-motioned entanglement. You swore you could listen to his noises and praises on repeat. “So fuckin’ pretty, Y/N… so fuckin’ pretty…” He mumbled, lightly thrusting himself into your mouth as your neck began to ache a little. “Slow and steady, just like that…”

He puffed out a quick breath with a blow of his lips, and you could tell that he was enjoying himself just as much as you were. Normally, you would finish up the job, and expect repayment, but getting Josh to even feel the tiniest bit of pleasure at your hand was enough. It was that draw, that need to make him feel good. Keeping him and him only in the spotlight. And if you had to guess, you were doing a pretty good job at it.

After a few seconds, his movements became jostled, and his once slow grinding movements started to falter. You felt him start to throb in your mouth, and you knew it wouldn’t be long until he was crumbling beneath you, all at the mercy of your mouth. 

“Hey, you want me to–” he said, suddenly shuddering. 

You nodded again, pleading with him to let it all go. You wanted the whole thing, wanted him to have the full experience. You needed to see what he tasted like. 

His breath started to pick up as he gripped your hair tighter, his hips pushing his dick further into your mouth as you let him graze the back of your throat, tears pouring from the sides of your eyes. “Come on baby, come on… just a little bit longer…fuck…” 

Finally, he was letting it all go, filling up your mouth as you swallowed his bitter-sweetness down, savoring the taste of him on your tongue. His whole body went rigid as he came, shaking and jerking as you worked to make sure not a drop was left behind. You squeezed your hand around him, pulling him up into your mouth. His whines were like music to your ears, pathetic and pitiful as he worked to come back down to earth. 

“Son of a bitch, Y/N… that was…” he said as you sat back up, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand. He caught your jaw in his grasp, squeezing your cheeks together and forcing you to open your mouth. He pulled you closer, bringing you in for a heated kiss that left you smoldering for him. 

When you finally pulled away, you met eyes with him, and you could tell he was completely blissed out. “S’been a long time since I’ve had anything like that.” He admitted, pulling your back up to sit by him on the couch again. 

He tucked himself back in his boxers but decided to forgo buttoning back up. “Really? Even in a four and a half year long relationship?” You asked. 

“Ah, I dunno. We were long distance, so… it was few and far between but. Really I meant being with someone who actually showed passion about making me feel good. You know what I mean?”

You couldn’t help but smile. That was exactly what you wanted out of this. For Josh to feel that you wanted to be there. 

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I just…wanted to make you feel good.” You admitted, shrugging one shoulder up as you brushed your disheveled hair back into place. “So, what’s my rating, huh? Give it to me straight.”

Josh closed one eye and looked up with the other as if he was thinking really hard. “Uh, nine and a half.”

Your mouth fell slack, and you felt the soreness in your jaw joints. “Ah! Why the half?!” You argued. “Not a ten?”

He chuckled. “Would be a ten, but I only took away the half because I know that I won’t be able to feel you like that all the time.” You both stared at one another as you let his words sink in. 

Could you, though?

“And because I feel like you were holding back, a little. Weren’t you?” He pressed. His statement took you by surprise, because he was right. 

“...Maybe…”

“You shouldn’t have. It’s just me, remember. Guess you’ll have to show up and show out next time. See if you can get a perfect ten.” He said with nonchalance. 

“Next time?” You spat without a thought. 

He shrugged, squeezing his hand around your thigh. “Sure, why not? If you want to, of course. Might be fun to have a little situation we’re both comfortable with… no strings attached type thing…”

You ran over the idea in your head, not really seeing anything wrong with it. You nodded, agreeing with his outlandish proposal.

“But, there is one thing, Y/N.” He swallowed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “Obviously I… um. I didn’t make you feel good, tonight. But, just give me some–”

You cupped your hand over Josh’s mouth. “Josh, honey, shut up. You don’t have to explain it to me. I understand, and it’s okay. If we’re gonna do this, it's all gonna be in good fun, right?”

He nodded from behind your hand. “Right.” He mumbled. 

“And I certainly didn’t feel uncomfortable with you, so. I’m pretty positive we could just sit here and look at each other and we would have a good time.” You laughed, pulling your hand from his face. He caught your hand in his, and gave it a sweet squeeze. 

“Not sure I’d be able to sit by you for too long without something happening. You’re a fuckin’ treat, Y/N. I swear.” His eyes traveled down your body again, and you watched his gears turn as his gaze drifted over your breasts. “Thank you, for tonight.”

“Thank you.” You whispered. “We still friends?”

He took your chin between his fingers. “Yeah. Good friends.”

As the air between you finally started to settle and the intoxication turned into sobriety, you realized that the night was nearly about to turn into morning. You didn’t have to be at work until 11, so you were going to be able to get at least a little bit of sleep before your shift tomorrow. 

“It’s too late to get an Uber, Josh. Just stay here.” You more demanded than suggested, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and tossing it overtop of his lap. You stood, stretching your body as you made your way toward your bedroom. 

“What, you not gonna invite me to your bed?” He asked, throwing you off. 

“Uhh, I mean, sure–”

“I’m kidding, Y/N. We’re friends. Friends don’t sleep in beds together. Friends sleep on couches.” You watched as he burrowed himself under the puffy blanket and made himself horizontal.

“Maybe one day you’ll end up in my bed.” You tossed the joke over your shoulder, walking down the short hallway. 

“And maybe one day you’ll get a perfect ten.”

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[gretavanmoon]

THE FIDELITY SERIES MASTERPOST

fi•del•i•ty (noun)

-In audio, fidelity denotes how accurately a copy reproduces its source

Hey friends! Welcome to the Fidelity Series, an experimental collaboration with my bestie @gretavangroupie. This series of one-shots is purely for the sake of fun, whimsically- inspired writing, based upon the songs you so kindly submitted to us. We've chosen a handful of them, and will continue to add our stories to the jukebox as they're written. We won't have a set schedule for these, so keep an eye out for new goodies all the time. Each story will have its own description, warnings, etc. Enjoy!

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Press a button to make a selection on our virtual jukebox:

G13

R47

[gretavanmoon]

I present to you, THE Richard lane edit

[gretavanmoon]

Thank you all for your support during Valor! We loved the twists and turns of this story and creating this world for the characters. See you at the next one🍀

Valor (Chapter 14)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 20.0k

Warnings: Cursin', Smokin', Drinkin'. Angst: Struggle and Poverty, Underage Drinking, Abandonment, Mental Distress, Shock, Extreme Grief, Confusion, Secrecy, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Death, Discovery of Deceased, Blood, Tormenting Thoughts, Mentions of Violence, Reckless Driving, Mentions of Weapons and Guns, Stress, Anxiety, Mentions of Family Issues, Cheating, Domestic Disputes, Dead Animals, Mentions of Mental Illness, Mentions of Divorce, Physical Fighting, Threatening, Mentions of Police and Fire Fighters, Abandonment, Fire and Arson, Death, Bodily Injury, Heavy Angst, Allusions to Shady Activities, Police and Crime Investigation, Conspiracy, Murder, Burning, Smoke, Coercion, Drugs and Addiction, Usage of Drugs During Pregnancy, Big Emotions, Crying, Hard Goodbyes, Fluff. Smut: Kissing, Touching, Oral F!Receiving, Unprotected Sex.

Valor Playlist: Apple Music | Spotify

A/N: The very last chapter! Thank you all so much for all the support you have shown us throughout the entirety of this series. We had the best time writing this and building this world, and we know a little piece of Valor will live with us forever. Stick around for an Epilogue, and our next projects coming up soon. 🍀

A project in collaboration with my talented co-writer and best friend, @gretavanmoon.

JAKE POV

APRIL 22, 1975

Drunken nights usually didn’t result in regretful mornings for you, it was always quite the opposite, really. You always awoke with a sense of accomplishment, knowing that you were out living your life to the fullest even though your tiny town and shitty upbringing hardly allowed for any innocent fun at all, at least not the kind the kids in the city were having.

You were happy you had Danny, the brother you never got to share a bloodline with but knew deep down you really should have. Though he was three years your junior, you shared more than just a bedroom and a closet. You shared everything with him. Stories, experiences, secrets… It was rare that you did anything by yourself. You were a package deal, and you were okay with that. You had your own buddies, sure, but none of them ever came close to the natural relationship you had with Danny. You didn’t have to try, you didn’t have to hide anything. You already shared a home, so everything else just came without argument. He accepted you, and you him. And aside from the physical fights you’d get in every so often, just as brothers do, the two of you rarely seriously argued. 

Tonight, the eve of your 18th birthday, was no different than any other hops and barley escapade from your late-teenage life. 

Danny had taken you on yet another small-town adventure, just like almost every other weekend that you’d spent in Joslyn. A case of Stroh’s, way too many cigarettes, and swimming in the creek that was still yet too cold to really dive into. Tonight though, things were a little different. Tomorrow, you’d wake up a grown man, able to form your own opinions, walk into a bar and buy your own beer, pay your own taxes, and make your own decisions about your life without the ever-present hand of Ace tying you down. 

Tonight, you felt free, you felt limitless. Hanging your head out the window of the passenger seat of the pickup truck as Danny manned the wheel, you let your inebriation take over your soul, letting out a loud, carnal scream of liberation from the bounds of childhood you were leaving behind. 

“We goin’ to pick up those two girls from your second period history class or not?” Danny asked as you popped open another beer. 

You swigged the suds, letting the heaviness of your intoxication sway you along with every curve of the road. “Ah, nah… that one chick gets on my nerves and the other has a crush on me, I think.” You responded with a wince. 

“Hang on, you’re positive a girl has a crush on you, and you ain’t takin’ advantage of that? Are you sick?” Danny pressed as he expertly maneuvered the truck onto the pavement after leaving the rocky roads of the creekbed. 

“I’m gonna be eighteen tomorrow, Danny. Can’t have some girl tyin’ me down, know what I mean?” you explained to him, remembering that though the kid looked like he was your age, he was still yet only a freshman. 

“You’re fuckin’ insane, you know that? Shit, if I had a girl chasin’ after me like that, I’d be leavin’ your ass in the dust tonight. Sorry.” Danny laughed. You quietly giggled at Danny’s somewhat desperate display, knowing that he’d one day be fighting off the girls just the same as you were now. 

“There’s a lot more out there than Lisa in my second period history class, Daniel. You’ll learn that soon enough.” You puffed on your cigarette, letting the smoke waft out the rolled-down window. “Plus, I wanna hang out with you!” you yelled sarcastically.

Danny scoffed. “Psh, so much for a fuckin’ wingman.” he said under his breath, shaking his head from side to side. 

“You really ain’t been laid yet, Daniel? Seriously?” you asked, deciding to go along with the subject since he had opened the doors. 

He sniffed hard through his nose, pulling his right hand through his still-soaked curls. “Not completely…”

You laughed. “Ah, second base though, right?”

He barely nodded. “Yeah. Second base.” You could feel the dismay in his aura, remembering what it felt like to be in his shoes when you were fifteen, the hormones hitting you hard and all at once, chasing after every girl you could grab the attention of.

You harshly placed your hand on his knee from across the cab. “One day, Danny boy. Don’t rush it. And when the time comes, you can…ya know. Talk to me about it. If you need.”

He nodded again, his lips pulled into a straight line. “Yeah, yeah. I will. Maybe.”

“Hey, bitch, I better be the first to know!” You pushed his shoulder, making his frown turn into a grin. 

“You will be, you will be! Shit!” He laughed. 

“I better be. Plus, after the first time, you’ll be wantin’ to run and tell everybody you know that you finally did it. Trust me.” He gave you a displeased look which you returned with a knowing shake of your head. “Trust me.”

You both let the conversation fall there as you neared closer and closer back to town. 

“Where to now?” Danny asked as you came to the crossroads in the center of Joslyn. “Out to the dump? Up to the water tower? Or should we get home…Ace will have our asses if we come back too late.”

You sucked your teeth, suddenly feeling over-exerted, but not quite ready for your night to be over. Tomorrow your youth would end, tomorrow everything would become real. “Fuck it, I’m not lettin’ him make my decisions anymore. I’m tired of it. If he’s gonna open up the shop on the weekends and take that freedom away from us, I’m gonna do whatever I want on my time.” You argued, remembering back on the tiff you’d had with a drunken Ace before you left the house. 

“But what about me? He’ll skin me alive–”

“No he won’t. Have I ever let him lay a hand on you, Danny?” You reminded him. 

He shook his head. “No, couple times when you wasn’t around, but…”

“Exactly. Don’t worry about Ace. I’ll take care of him. Let’s go up to the water tower for one more beer, huh?” You suddenly wanted to feel the adrenaline of climbing the rusty ladder to the top of the tower, letting the high winds hit you in the face as you breathed in your last taste of freedom… one more tight grip on your adolescence before you had to let go of it completely.

Danny palmed the wheel, making a sharp right out to the skirts of town. “Alright, water tower it is.”

—--

“Don’t let that door slam behind’ju.” You slurred to Danny as the two of you snuck back into the shop. 

“I’m not a fuckin’ idiot, Jake.” He whispered back. The two of you tiptoed quickly through the shop toward the house, way much later than Ace had curfewed you. The quieter I can sneak in, the less I risk gettin’ my hide tanned by Ace… you thought to yourself. The shop was eerily quiet, and you assumed Ace had drunk himself to sleep many hours ago. 

As you slowly pulled the bedroom door closed behind you, you felt a sense of relief wash over you that Ace hadn’t caught you in the act of sneaking back in. You plopped down onto your mattress as Danny stripped down to his boxers, climbing onto his own mattress that sat adjacent to yours. You took a deep breath as you felt the bed beneath you begin to spin, knowing that tomorrow might afford you a nice headache if you don’t pass out right now. The sun would be up in just a few short hours, and you knew that you’d be spending your birthday doing whatever it was Ace assigned you for the day. Just like every other day.

“Jake?” You heard Danny’s voice whisper in the darkness. 

“Yeah?” You answered. 

“You have a good birthday eve?”

You smiled, a warmth you couldn’t explain filling your chest. “Yeah, brother. I did. Thanks for takin’ me out.”

You heard him roll over and face the wall. “You know I turn sixteen this year. I expect nothin’ less than the same thing we did tonight. Minus the swimmin’. And add a couple ladies.”

You chuckled quietly again. “Long as Ace lets us out of the house, you can expect a celebration for the ages, Daniel. Now go to bed. Ass crack of dawn comes soon.”

—-

And come soon, it did. Except, the normal chirping of the morning birds mixed with the red glow of the sun coming over the horizon wasn’t what woke you. Nor was it the smell of Ace’s coffee brewing, or the heavy knock of his knuckles on your wooden door. 

It was the harsh, beaming sunlight of mid-morning warming your face to the point that it almost burned. What the hell? What time is it?

“Fuck…” You heard Danny rustling in his sheets as you both came to. “What time is it?”

“I was just asking myself the same thing…” You grumbled, licking the bad taste of morning breath away from your mouth. It was unlike Ace to let you sleep in this long, whether it was your birthday or not. You rolled to your side as you wiped the sleep from your eyes, letting them adjust to the bright morning light that wasn’t doing much for your impending hangover. Your eyes glanced to the clock on the table. “9:45. Fuck! We overslept…” You urged yourself to rub your hands over your face. 

From the corner of your eye, though, you caught something unusual sitting on the edge of your nightstand. It was four or five folded-up pieces of paper that looked like they had been handled by the dirty hands of a mechanic. “What the hell is this?” You picked up the folded papers, fiddling through them as you yawned. You opened them up to what looked to be the first page, recognizing Ace’s handwriting right off the bat. A happy birthday note?

April 22, 1975

Yesterday. 

You were confused, and intrigued at the same time. Did Ace really take the time to write you a note? It didn’t have your name on the outside, though…

Small towns rarely get their own movies. You won’t see them making national headlines, or families traveling to visit them. Especially not here, not this one.

As you read further and further down the note that seemed to not make any sense at all, a strange feeling began to come over you. Something dense and cold, something that felt like dread in its most horrid form.

You read on and on about his description of Joslyn, and how the town itself had fallen victim to the elements around it, how his love for your mother had turned sour over time, and about all of the struggles he had endured over the years to get to where you were now. This is so strange…

The next few sentences you read made you shoot straight up in bed, and all of the blood drain from your body. 

Jacob, you’re my biggest accomplishment. The one thing in my life I can say that I did right. Though I wish I could’ve done better, given you the world and more, or hell, even got you out of this damned town, it’s yours to figure out now, son. 

“What is that, Jake? A love note from Lisa?” You barely even registered that Danny had spoken to you. You felt your blood run cold, and every bone in your body turn to ice. 

I’m sorry, Jacob. Please just know every decision I made, I made with you in mind.

That was all you needed to see. That was all you needed to read. 

“Fuck.” You muttered, jerking the blanket from across your waist as you scurried to stand up. Your brain was working a mile a minute as you ran through the words that you had just read. Why Ace had let you sleep in so late. Why it was so quiet when you got home last night. The possibility of…

No. No no no. God damnit, no. 

You yanked your bedroom door open, letting your legs carry you down the short hallway. The bathroom light was off. The kitchen was quiet. The coffee pot was empty. 

Fuck.

“Jake! What is it?!” Danny yelped from behind you. You ignored him. 

You quickly passed through the door to the shop, wishing, pleading to find Ace with his head buried under the hood of a car, or his legs poking from underneath a truck. 

“Ace!!!” You yelled, your voice cracking just a little as sweat began to form on your forehead, your stomach turning over with nerves. Your eyes shot around, behind cabinets and under the loft stairs. “DAD!” You felt panic beginning to settle in. 

Your breathing became quick and labored as your vision started to blur, the anxiety of reality about to hit you. Somewhere down deep in your chest, you knew what had happened. You knew why he wasn’t answering you. 

You clamped your eyes closed for the quickest second as you rounded the car lift, able now to get a clear view of the back corner of the shop. 

And there, suspended from the rusty, exposed rafter that Ace never bothered to repair, was your father. 

Every muscle in your body went numb, every bone melting into liquid as your eyes told you the truth, while your brain fought itself to lie to you. No, no…this isn’t happening…

Your body went limp, your knees collapsing underneath you, no longer able to hold your weight. It was seconds before you ever took a breath, before you even fathomed a coherent thought. Shock was threatening your entire psyche, and the sight in front of you became dark and shadowed, almost as if your subconscious was trying to black itself out. The note that was once grasped so tightly in your hand fell to the dirty shop floor, hitting and scattering in the same place that your knees had fallen. This isn’t real, this is just a bad dream…

The hot breath that fell from your mouth tasted like poison, and each ounce of oxygen that your lungs screamed for felt like you were inhaling burning smoke. Ace, you son of a bitch… no…

“Jake! What is going on?” You heard Danny’s feet racing across the concrete floor. He couldn’t see this. You rushed to stand, knowing that you had to catch him before he could bear witness to the scene. You ran to him, meeting him in the middle of the shop and stopping him in his tracks. 

“No, Danny, go back to our room. Don’t come in here.” Your voice was commanding, but it didn’t sound like your own. 

“Get the fuck off me, Jake! What is it? Where’s Ace?” He pushed past you as you fought with him, shoving him back harder and further with every few steps forward he would take. 

“Danny, listen to me!!” You yelled with consternation. Your eyes welled with tears as he stopped fighting you altogether, finally realizing that something horrible had happened. You finally let him by, knowing that there wasn’t any stopping him at this point. You kept your back turned from them as you let him get closer, knowing his eyes would adjust to the darkness at any second. 

The sound that escaped Danny’s lungs was unlike anything you’d ever heard before. A guttural, moaning cry that you knew would haunt your dreams for years to come. You couldn’t protect Danny from this. Not this time. You felt his back hit yours as he backed himself away, the two of you finally turning and facing one another. The panic that settled in, then, was nothing short of chaotic as you ran to Ace, high above you in the rafters. 

“Go call 911! Call Bubba! Hurry!” You demanded of Danny, watching him stand for a second in shock as he processed your words. “Danny! Go!” 

You searched around for something to stand on that could get you to him as you heard Danny’s footsteps climbing the metal stairs to the shop phone. Finally, you found an old rolling stool that was only about a foot tall, but it would have to do. You placed it directly underneath him and quickly jumped up on it, the old wheels underneath it squeaking as you fought to get your balance. You reached high above you, stretching your arms as high as they could possibly go. Your fingertips barely grazed the bottoms of his boots as you struggled to stay balanced, reaching as far up as your arms would allow. You even jumped a little, knowing that if you could push up on his feet just a little bit…

“Jake… it’s not gonna work…” You heard Danny’s voice whimper from below you.

“Yes it is, Danny! Quick, find me somethin’ taller to stand on! I can’t reach him!” You cried, the lump in your throat growing larger with each passing second. 

“Jake!!!” Danny cried. “Just stop… He’s…”

The wheels of the stool gave way to your unbalanced legs, sending you falling sideways off of it, hitting the floor with a hard thud. The pain in your legs was almost unnoticeable as you stayed there on the cold, dirty concrete, willing yourself to believe that this wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening…

You rolled over to sit on the floor, letting your head fall into your hands as the pain took over. Your chest wracked with a thick cry as you let it sink in, the realization that you couldn’t help him finally settling in your mind. Your fingertips pulled your hair, your knees pulling in toward your chest as you let it out. You couldn’t stop your fists from plummeting into the concrete you sat on, over and over and over you punched until there was blood dripping from your hands. 

What the fuck? Why?

You felt Danny’s presence beside you, falling to sit beside you on the ground. The two of you stared up into the ceiling, unable to tear your eyes away but at the same time begging to see Ace take a breath. 

But he wouldn’t.

The pain was all-encompassing as you reached for Danny, the both of you pulling yourselves into one another as you heard sirens approaching off in the distance. Danny didn’t cry, he didn’t shed a tear. His face stayed stoic and unmoving, his eyes only rapidly blinking as you listened to his breath catch in his throat, his jaw tightly clenched. 

You heard the shop door slam against the wall, and five or more uniformed men enter your space. Ace’s space. You felt hands pulling you away, forcing you to stand and follow them, when all you wanted to do was stay here. Stay with Ace. Stay with your dad.

Their voices were muddled in your ears as you tried to ignore their commands to follow you, get you out of here, you don’t need to see this, son…

Suddenly through the blurred tears in your eyes you saw Bubba standing in front of you, his eyes filled with the same red-hot fearful tears as you, his face as white as a ghost. “Come on son, come on… let’s go…” He begged you. The people swarmed around you and around Ace, everything moving so quickly around you that you were hardly able to see. 

You pushed their hands away, jerked their cold fingers from your body. “No! No, I’m staying here! I wanna be with him… I’m not leaving him!” You cried as you fought them off. “He’s gonna be okay, just get him down! Get him down!!” You screamed at the police and fire fighters who now completely consumed the air around you. You felt panic in your throat, your breath harder and harder to catch, and finally you allowed Bubba and Danny to pull you away. 

You landed outside, letting the fresh morning air hit you in the face, clearing your mind only a little bit. You paced the dusty lot, hands ripping at your hair and at your shirt, cries and screams of disbelief escaping you without your permission. 

“What the fuck is happening?!” You looked at Danny and Bubba as they stood by the wall of the shop, trying like hell to gather themselves, as well. 

A truck pulled up in the lot, kicking up dust as it parked beside you. Joey clambered out, placing his hat on top of his head as he made his way over to the three of you. 

“I saw the police and ambulance, what’s going on?! Is everything okay?” He asked, his face bloodshot red. 

“No.” Bubba muttered. “It’s Ace…”

Joey shook his head from side to side. “Jesus Christ, no…” he whispered. The four of you stood for a few more seconds as the breeze pushed fallen leaves across your feet. Finally Joey made his way to the door of the shop, bursting through it without another word. 

—

Hours later you found yourself in your bed, the police and firemen and everyone else long gone, now. All that remained was the faint sounds of the voices of Bubba and what you guessed to be Joey, occasionally speaking over the quietness that had fallen on the shop. Every now and then you would hear a car pull up then quickly leave, most likely people showing up for their vehicle repair appointments before Joey and Bubba rushed them away. 

Danny was laid beside you, the sides of your bodies pressed up against each other as you stared at your ceiling, struggling to fit on your full-sized mattress together. Neither of you talked, neither of you cried. You just laid there, the exhaustion and shock putting you both into a deep, catatonic state. As the sun started to set and the blue of dusk began to fill your room, you heard a faint knock on your bedroom door. Seconds later, Bubba let himself in. 

“Howdy boys, you two okay in here?” His voice was smaller than you’d ever heard it before. He sat down on the edge of your mattress, pushing your and Danny’s feet away as he did so. 

“Boys, I–I don’t know what the hell happened today. I don’t know the reasonin’. Not sure if we ever will.” He choked on his words. “I’m sure within the next few days, some folks with recorders and notepads’ll be makin’ their way here to talk to you, get your…your statements and whatnot.” He swallowed, unsure how to act in the situation. “Just tell’em everything, you hear? Everything you can remember. That’s all you can do, that’s all you can do…” His hand rested across your ankles and patted them comfortingly. You couldn’t find the words to reply to him. 

“I love you boys, you know that, right? Love you like my own…” Bubba’s voice caught on his last words, tears springing from his eyes as he wiped his nose. “I’m right here… if you need me. Get some rest, get some sleep, ok? I’ll be right outside.” You managed to nod at him as he started to stand from the mattress.

“Oh, Jake.” he turned back as he pulled your bedroom door open. “Police found this in Ace’s pocket. Was the only thing he had on him.” Bubba pulled Ace’s zippo from his flannel pocket, tossing it to you across the room. “Take good care of that thing, boy. Think it was your grandfather’s…”

You watched as Bubba disappeared back into the dimly lit hallway and shut the door behind him, leaving you and Danny in the darkness of your room again. You flipped the lid of the lighter open, flicking the flint to ignite it to life. The orange glow bounced off the walls and filled the room.

“I was so mean to him last night…” You whispered. “Before we left… All he wanted to do was make sure we were safe, and all I did was argue with him…” Your tongue felt like sandpaper in your mouth as tears pricked at the sides of your eyes again. “He just wanted to protect us…” 

You felt Danny’s arm wrap around yours, interlocking your elbows together as he let out a sigh. There wasn’t anything he could say. You were right.

You flipped the lid to the zippo closed, the absence of the flame turning the room into darkness again. And you let the darkness consume you. You let it welcome you. Because right now, you didn’t deserve to feel the warmth of any kind of light in your life, at all. 

—

GERALDINE POV

LATE JUNE, 1982

“…He wants to fight fire with fire…”

Your stomach sank as you heard the words coming from the strange man’s mouth. Fire with fire? What does that mean?!

You’d been around long enough to know that Teddy wasn’t always a man of his word, but when it came to illegal and shady activities, he most definitely always held up his end of the deal. He was a gambler. A drunk, and a gambler. It was in his nature to live his life through white lies. 

But this, this felt real. This was threatening. And you know when it came to Ace and Teddy’s pure hatred for his son, he meant business. Bubba had kept you filled in on the situation of Jake’s brothers coming back into town and finding him. How they had suspicion that Ace didn’t kill himself, and now, most likely, proof. For some reason, your motherly instincts kicked into high gear, the voice in the back of your head screaming at you to act. 

You dashed over to the diner phone and dialed one of the high school kids from the list of phone numbers. 

“Hey Susan, it’s Geraldine, honey.” You spoke quietly to the young lady on the end of the line. “Listen, supper’s gonna be busy and I could really use your help this evenin’, honey…you free? Probly in for some good tips, tonight….Yes, yes sweetie, I would really, really appreciate it. Just as soon as you can. Yes, okay. See you soon baby. Bye bye.”

You hung up the phone and a weight lifted knowing that Susan would be there soon so you could concentrate on the pressing matter at hand. A peek at the clock let you know that 5:00 was nearing, and Bubba would be in soon, as well. You’d task him with rolling your silverware for the evening to keep him busy. 

Joey and the other man let you refill their coffee and they continued their hushed talks, you only being able to pick up every few words as you passed by them. It felt as if time was creeping by while you waited, your nerves becoming more and more shot as time rolled on. Was this really about to happen?

Finally, you heard the bell clink as the glass door opened, Bubba holding it open for Susan as she paced in through the threshold. Perfect timing. 

“Hey, sweetheart, thanks for comin’ in on such short notice. Real glad you’re here to help me!” You lied, but only halfway. You knew that the second Joey and the man stepped foot back out into the parking lot, you were going to tail them. 

Bubba leaned across the bar, giving you a quick peck as he greeted you. “Evenin’, honey. What’sa matter, you look flushed.” His brows furrowed as he immediately picked up on your expression. 

“Nothin’, nothin’…just a busy day, is all.” You lied again, unable to stop your eyes from darting down the bar. His eyes followed, quickly noticing that Joey was seated there. He scoffed, slightly raising his voice as he spoke. 

“Awful brazen of him to waltz in here like he’s welcome…” Bubba all but yelled. 

“Shhht, you lower your voice right now, Bub. For the love of god…” You threatened him with your serious voice. “I’m not kiddin’.” You gave him warning eyes. 

He backed away, again picking up on your frazzled body language. You pulled back on the strand of hair that had fallen in front of your face, using your mouth to blow it back as it decided to fall in front of your eyes again. You retreated to the kitchen, quickly returning with a container of clean silverware and a pack of paper napkins. You harshly set them down in front of Bubba in his seat at the bar. 

“Here. Roll.” You demanded, and without argument, he did. You poured him a mug of coffee, and returned to your duties. 

After a few minutes, Bubba spoke again. “Honey, tell me, what’s botherin’ ya? Is it Joey? I can tell him to leave if he’s makin’ ya uncomfortable…”

“No, no. I can’t talk about it right now. Just…let me be.” You were completely distraught with worry, now, having picked up on a few more words like “fuel” and “accelerant” from Joey’s conversation. They were serious. 

A few minutes later, the diner phone rang. You rushed to pick it up, expecting a patron to be calling in a to-go order. 

“Louie’s. This Geraldine.” 

“Geraldine. I know Joey is there, tell him I need a word.” You immediately recognized Teddy’s voice on the other end of the phone, and yet again, anxiety filled your body. You wished this man would just cease to exist. 

“Hold on.” You said flatly, holding the phone up and motioning to Joey to come and pick up. He took the phone from your hand and turned away from the rest of the restaurant, speaking shortly and quietly before hanging the phone back up and walking back over to the other man. You watched as he picked up his jacket from the back of his stool, motioning to the man that it was time to go. 

You swallowed thickly as you met them at the register, punching in their order and taking their money. “Hope everything was fine for you gentlemen.” You said flatly once again. 

“Was fine.” The man said without making eye contact. He handed you a dollar bill as a tip, and took a toothpick from the tiny glass jar on the bar, sticking it in his mouth with a wink. “Night, ma’am.” 

You felt a cold chill go up your spine as he turned and left, Joey impatiently waiting for him in the parking lot. As soon as they were gone, you snuck to the glass door, watching as they climbed into their tan Oldsmobile. You ripped off your apron as you watched them, tossing it behind you onto the bar. 

“Susan, honey, I’ll be back in a few. Got some business to attend to, okay?” You said through a shaky voice. 

“Geraldine, honey, where are you goin’?” You could hear the height and aggravation in Bubba’s voice as he pleaded with you. “Please, you’re actin’ strange…”

“I’ll be back.” You simply stated, gripping your car keys in your hand as you rushed out the door. “Don’t come after me.”

You let your car quietly creep behind the tan Oldsmobile, trying your best to stay far back enough that they wouldn’t become suspicious. You watched as they pulled into the only gas station in town, parking directly beside the pumps. You covertly pulled into the parking lot beside the station, hiding yourself amongst other parked cars. 

They both rushed inside the store, emerging a minute or so later with two gas cans a piece in hand. You watched intently as they filled each can all the way to the brim, and it hit you. Hell’s bells…they’re really gonna do it…fire with fire…

You twisted the key into the ignition, pulling out of the lot and back toward the diner with haste. Your fresh manicure was no match for the tight grips you had on the steering wheel, your fingers picking away at the skin and your teeth biting away at your fresh coat of cherry red polish. 

You zipped back into Louie’s lot, unable to get back inside quick enough. You found the place just how you left it, with Bubba keeping himself busy rolling silverware. 

“Bub, honey…” you whispered, startling him to attention. He turned in his stool to meet your eyes. You kept your voice quiet, but struggled to hold your composure. You were starting to panic. “Bub, I followed Joey. Been listenin’ to them talk all afternoon…they’re makin’ plans, Bub…” you felt your voice beginning to shake. 

“What, sweetheart? What plans? What did you hear them say?” Bubba pressed, now panicking himself. 

You gathered yourself enough to push the words out. 

“They’re gonna burn Jake’s down.”

——

JAKE POV

“Sam! More towards you!” you shout, holding your corner of the tarp tightly in your grasp as you work to secure it over the hole in the shop roof. “Yeah! Perfect! Let’s tack it down!”

It only took a few days of there being a hole in the roof for birds to start flying into the shop, trying to make nests and trapping themselves inside. You’d cleaned up enough dead birds this week for one lifetime, so here you were on the roof hoping that this blue tarp would hold up until you could get some new roof panels. 

The summer sun was beating down on your neck, sweat pouring from your face and stinging your eyes as it dripped off your forehead. You swiped it away the best you could, smearing the dirt and grime from the roof onto your skin in the process. 

“We’re good over here, Jake!” Josh shouted, giving you a half assed thumbs up.

“Alright Daniel! Nail it down!” you shout across from you, watching him swing the hammer. 

You do the same, driving the nail through the metal panel, hoping it would hold. Part of you didn’t even know if all this was worth it. The thought of leaving this place in the dust sounded more and more appealing the more you thought about it. Starting over somewhere else. Somewhere without all this baggage.

“That should do it!” you finish, moving to step down the ladder and back to solid ground. Y/N was waiting at the bottom, holding it steady as she shielded the sun from her eyes. You assisted her with the ladder as Sam, Josh, and finally Daniel all made their way down. 

You dusted your dirty hands off on your coveralls, the rest of them doing their own version of the same. “Let’s go ‘head and get that camper outta the bay. Josh, you wanna park it under the trees at the corner of the lot? Give you some shade?” you ask, with a thumb over your shoulder. He nods and salutes you with two fingers as he and Sam start to make their way into the garage. 

Y/N follows behind them as you and Daniel walk a little slower behind her, taking in the state of the lot. It’s better, but still needs a lot of cleaning up. 

“Jake…” Danny says, lowering his voice as to not grab Y/N’s attention. 

You turn to look at him as the two of you walk, nodding your head in acknowledgement.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you got the letter sayin’ we could open up?” he asks, a look of concern settled on his face.

You flash him a small grin, placing your hand heavily on his shoulder. “Well, Daniel, I had a few more…pressing issues goin’ on at the time.”

“You sure that’s it?” he asks, tilting his head in question.

“Pretty sure, why?” 

“You mentioned the other night, somethin’ about what if we just didn’t.” he says, repeating your words back to you casually. 

“Yeah.” you continue. 

“You uh, you considerin’ that?” he asks, probing you for more details. 

You turn to look at him, meeting his eyes, hoping he will understand. You look back up to Y/N walking in front of you, then back to him as he nods his head in understanding. 

“You remember back a while ago you told me that if you had a choice you’d hop on Ruby with your guitar on your back, and start buskin’ down South? Play ‘til your fingers bled?” you say, pulling the memory from your mind. 

He smiles and nods a little bit harder, “I remember.”

You stop, turning to face him, and he meets you where you are matching your stance. “What if you did it?”

His face becomes more serious as he lets the words sink in. “You’re serious.”

“Don’t you ever think about just– just runnin’ away from all this? Breakin’ free of the shit trappin’ us in this hell hole? We ain’t never had a chance like this before, Daniel. We could start over. Make somethin’ of ourselves, not weighed down by the burdens of this goddamn place.”

He swallows hard as he bites his lips. “Ye-yeah, I’ve uh, I’ve thought about it.”

“And?”

He blows out a breath, “I mean…”

“Listen, I ain’t doin’ it if you’ve got even an ounce of doubt about it. This is your livelihood at stake too, us leavin’ and all.” you say, wanting him to understand that he could say no if he wanted to. 

He stops and rocks up onto his heels a bit, looking up to the sky as the words tumble around in his brain. He blows out a deep breath and looks to you with a solemn look on his face. Suddenly he’s placing both of his hands on your shoulders, shaking you a little as a grin spreads across his lips. “Thing is Jake, I was born a ramblin’ man. I’m as free as a bird, and this bird…you cannot change.”

Your chest explodes with a laugh, the sound echoing off of the metal building. “Oh fuck off…”

“I think it’s time for leavin’. I hope you’ll understand.” he continues, giving you a crooked smile. 

“You’re serious…” you ask, feeling a spark of hope in your chest. 

He turns to look at Sam and Josh, backing their camper into the spot beneath the trees, and Y/N as she stands watching them with her hands on her hips. She turns around, seeing the two of you talking, wiggling her fingers in a playful wave. Danny huffs a laugh then turns back to you, placing a hand on your shoulder once again. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of Joslyn.”

You both try to stifle the smiles on your faces as you start to walk back towards the shop, but just as you round the corner you see Bubba’s truck flying into the lot. A cloud of dust settles on everything as he throws the car into park. “The hell?”

He jumps out of the truck, his head snapping from side to side as he looks for you. He spots Y/N, rushing over to her, “Where are they? Where’s Jake!” he shouts, his voice urgent.

“Hey! Hey! I’m right here? Shit, what's goin’ on!?” you ask, jogging up towards him. 

“They’re gonna burn ya down, son! They’re gonna torch the place!” he shouts in a panic. Josh and Sam hear him and start to walk over.

“What? Who?” Daniel asks. 

“Teddy! Geraldine overheard Joey at the diner earlier. Teddy is gonna light your place up. Don’t know when, don’t know how, but he’s gonna do it! She tailed ‘em. Watched ‘em fill up some gas cans. It’s serious, son. We need to do somethin’.”

“Fuckin’ hell.” Josh says, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“Fucker really did kill Ace, didn’t he.” you mutter, rage boiling in your chest. You slam your fist against the hood of the car before storming across the lot and into the shop. You slam the door closed behind you, just needing a second to yourself. A second to think. 

You pace around the shop for a few minutes, a thousand different scenarios running through your head. You catch sight of Valor and sigh as you walk slowly over towards the car. You run your fingers across the hood as you step around to the door, pulling it open without a second thought. As you slide into the white bucket seat you let out a sigh of defeat. You needed to think of something, and quickly. You couldn’t let him win.

A sick feeling washes over you as you let your hands grip the steering wheel. You were right. Teddy did kill Ace. Killed him in cold blood. Now he was going to set the place on fire, and you knew he wouldn’t stop until you were dead too, no matter the cost. 

Although, maybe this place burning to the ground was exactly what you needed. Maybe this was your chance to get out of here, for real. But… This is everything you worked for. Everything Ace worked for. This was Ace’s shop. Could you really walk away from it just like that?

You slammed your palms against the steering wheel, before digging the heels of your hands into your eyes. “Give me a sign Ace, fuck, please give me a sign. What do I do? Tell me what to do.” you begged, hoping that wherever he was he could hear you. 

Just then the shop phone rings, the sound echoing off the walls. You sigh and pull yourself out of the car, rushing up the stairs to the loft just as the last ring sounds. “Hello?”

“Hi, this is Janice, I’m with the State of Missouri. I’m calling in regards to your business license.”

“Oh, yes ma’am, hi, this is Jacob.” you answer quickly, trying your best to sound formal. 

“We will be sending someone out tomorrow to perform a final inspection and to sign off on the certificate we sent you in the mail. Did you receive that?” she asks. 

“Yes ma’am, I did.”

“Great, tomorrow when the technician comes out, make sure you have him sign off on that, okay? I just need one more thing from you before I can schedule the tech. Could you please state your Tax Identification Number for billing purposes?” she asks, throwing you for a loop. 

“Oh, um, yes ma’am, one minute, let me…find… it…” you trail off, pulling open the desk drawers, searching for anything that would have that number on it. 

As you balance the phone between your shoulder and ear your hands dig through the drawers, rifling through a thousand unorganized papers and receipts. “Sorry, one second…”

Your hand snags on a hidden drawer in the desk, and you coil back a bit, unaware that it even existed. You pull the small drawer open and see it only has a few things in it. Things you don't recognize, but know are old. You grab the stack of items, filtering through them one by one until one envelope renders you speechless. Postmarked April of 1975, is a letter from Stella, opened, and hidden away from you, just like the others. It then hits you that he never even got a chance to place it with the others. You swallow thickly as you pull the lined paper from the envelope reading the first few lines about your eighteenth birthday, and Josh and Sam. Your chest tightens as you read her words, emotion filling your brain. However, your reading is interrupted by the woman on the phone, reminding you she was waiting. 

“Sir, the ID number?” she questions.

It’s suddenly very clear to you that the sign you’d asked for had been presented to you on a silver platter, and a sense of relief washes over you. Ace gave you your sign. 

“You know what ma’am? Don’t worry about it. I think– I think we’re all set. Gonna close up the shop for good. Thank you for your help.” you say, ending the call as you slam the phone down onto the receiver. 

You grab the letter and start to read it, hanging on every word, knowing that this was the most recent thing she’d ever written to you. You wonder if you should stop. You wonder if you should read it with Josh and Sam. With Daniel and Y/N. Your family. You push away from the desk, your feet carrying you quickly down the metal stairs and straight through the shop door to see everyone still standing around talking to Bubba. 

They all turn to look at you, a frantic look on your face as you run up to them. Y/N can sense your panic and grabs your hand, squeezing it tightly to calm not only her nerves, but your own too. 

“I–I just found this… It was in a hidden drawer in Ace’s desk.” You gently hand the letter to Josh, letting him glance over the outside of the envelope as he looks back to you with surprise. 

“Stella…” he mumbles as Sam takes the letter from his hand. 

“Your eighteenth birthdays. She…she had told you about us.” Sam muttered in complete disbelief. 

You nod solemnly. “She had. We could’ve known about each other seven years ago, had Ace not–” you shake your head, feeling the squeeze of Y/N’s hand still tightly grasping yours. 

“You think Ace was gonna tell you about us? Maybe once you turned eighteen?” Josh asks with a cocked eyebrow.

You shrug your shoulders. “I dunno. Maybe.”

“Well, what’s the verdict, Jake… What are we gonna do? We gotta do something quick.” Daniel asks, rubbing his fingers nervously over his mouth. 

Y/N interrupts, looking at you desperately,  “He’s gonna burn it down, Jake, we have to–”

You spin her to face you, grabbing her face harshly and pulling her lips to yours, kissing her harder than you ever have before. You feel her arms wrap slowly around your torso, pulling you in closely. The feeling of her lips on yours tells you that you’re doing the right thing. For you, for Daniel, but mostly for her. She’s worth it all. When you pull away, you look at Daniel, Sam, and Josh, then back to her.

“Baby, we’re gettin’ the fuck out of Joslyn.”

—

JOSH POV

You stood and watched as your twin took his love in his embrace, and for a split second you wondered if this was the real him, if he always acted this way…or if she was just the one who ended up bringing out the best of him. 

You crossed your arms and suppressed a smile, raising your eyebrows toward Sam as he gave you the same look back, both of you exchanging an unspoken word of pride that your brother had found happiness. And then another, that said you’d go to the end of the earth to help them be free of this place. 

After a few seconds, you took a deep breath. “Is this what you really want? Are you positive?” 

Jake backed away from Y/N, never once letting his eyes leave hers. She motioned a tiny nod of ‘yes’. 

“Daniel?” Jake asked without turning around. 

“You know I’m ready.” Danny clapped his hands together. 

Jake continued to keep his eyes trained on Y/N’s. “Then yeah, this is what we want.”

Y/N finally broke away from Jake. “But Bubba…we can’t leave–”

“Ohhhh yes you can, darlin’. Don’t you be worryin’ bout me, now.” Bubba responded, hobbling over and placing a kind hand on her shoulder before addressing the rest of the group. “Now y’all listen, I’ve got Geraldine, and my home, and the diner…I’ve got more than enough here to keep me busy. I will be just fine. I won’t let y’all stay here just because of me. Go. You need to go.” He demanded with a pointed finger. 

Jake and Danny offered an unconvincing nod. You knew it would be hard for them to even think about leaving Bubba after everything they’d been through together. And, on the other hand, you knew Bubba was lying through his teeth about being okay when they finally did leave. 

“But Jake, what about all this? What about…” Sam motioned all around to the building, the cars, the lot…

Jake turned and shoved his hands in his pockets, and it almost felt as if you could hear the gears turning in his head, feeling his mind work almost exactly like your own. 

He sucked his teeth, tilting his head back and shielding the sun with his hand. 

“I have a plan.”

——

You all followed Jake back through the shop door and to a room centralized in the living space of the building. 

“What is this room?” You asked, pushing cobwebs away from your face as he led you through a narrow hallway lined with a multitude of brooms and junk.

“Poker room.” Was all Danny said. 

It was small, and each wall was made of block, making it the coolest room in the building without even needing any A/C. You felt your skin chill upon entering it, making you wonder if it was the temperature, or if this room had seen more than its fair share of bad situations. As Jake reached above him and pulled the string of a singular light bulb in the center of the room, you were able to get your bearings a little better. 

“Poker room?! Why didn’t you say anything about poker? I’m a bit of a card shark, if I do say so myself.” You teased as you made eyes at the dusty, makeshift poker table in the center of the room. “Damn, you guys held tournaments or something?”

Neither Jake nor Danny entertained your question. Bubba grumbled a low laugh, following up with, “Wouldn’t call them tournaments, Josh. More like games of life or death.”

You sat on his statement for a second as you all gathered around the table. “Ah, lemme guess. Teddy.” You concluded as you sat back in the cold metal folding chair. 

Danny nodded. “Precisely.”

Jake had a plan, and he knew it needed to be worked out secretly, detail by detail. And from the multitude of vehicles that had been pulling into the lot for the past couple of days looking for an oil change or tire rotation, you knew that Jake was fed up with the curious and nosy folks that could be lingering about. So he decided to hide you in here. 

He leaned forward onto the green felt table, wringing his sullied hands together as if his life depended on it. It was still quite dark in the room, but you could tell that the grooves of his hands were covered in grime and grease, though you hadn’t seen him work on a vehicle the entire time you’d been here. His nail beds were permanently tinted black, and underneath his nails were even darker. His knuckles were dry and cracked, and even though the majority of them were covered by tattoos, you could still see the various healed scratches and scars that covered his hands and fingers. 

You let your eyes travel to Danny’s hands, seeing them looking exactly the same as Jake’s. Stained, worn, and gritty, while your’s sat perfectly untouched save for the bit of dirt from fixing the roof, and your permanently hardened knuckles from fighting. They didn’t know clean hands. They’d been this way for their entire lives, working their fingers to the bone and having nothing to show for it.

You could tell Jake was having a hard time getting his words together, but you could also tell he had the entire thing already worked out in his mind. He bit his lips, ran his hand over his face, and took several small breaths. You watched as Y/N reached over and placed a comforting hand on his back, giving it a sincere rub as she instantly calmed him. He swallowed, and let his words fly free. 

“Teddy’s gonna burn the place down. We already know that. And if I know Teddy at all, I’d say that he is gonna make sure I’m trapped inside as he does it.” Jake’s words made your blood run cold. And if you didn’t have a chill before, you sure as shit did now. 

He took another short breath. “I think–I think we need to be two steps ahead of him. Teddy knows that he left a few stones unturned the night he killed Ace, and he’s decided to stop our suspicions in their tracks. My guess is he’s not gonna come tonight, it’s already nearin’ too close to dark as it is. He’ll come tomorrow night, after he has time to plan out his details. Since Geraldine watched his cronies fillin’ up gas tanks, my guess is he’s gonna sneak in in the wee hours and douse the place.”

“Wait, hold on.” Sam interrupted. “You wanna burn the place down…? You’re crazy, that’s crazy…”

”I never said we are gonna burn it down, Sam… we’re just gonna make sure Teddy never ruins another person’s life ever again. We help him do his job for him.”

You suddenly felt a wave of guilt. “Jake, Sam and I went to the state archives to look for information, and we found Ace’s shoddy-ass obituary, in fucking Iowa. We didn’t even find anything here in Missouri…they hid that shit well. There were plenty of cops everywhere that day, even there. We were asking everyone around if they had information on Ace.  This could be all our fault that Teddy learned we were snooping. Probably feels the heat and is paranoid we’re going to try and reopen his case. This is our fault, he never would have gotten this idea–”

“Yes he would have, Josh.” Jake motioned to Bubba. “Bubba just recently came to terms with his suspicion that Ace didn’t do that to himself, and the thought only recently came to my mind, too. We were gonna dive into it ourselves just as much as you two did, if you hadn’t shown up. This all would’ve happened anyway. You just made it happen sooner. Without Sam’s research and all your snoopin’, we would have taken years to get to the truth. So I don’t wanna hear it.”

You swallowed, meeting Sam’s eyes in the process. Jake was right.

“Anyways, the way I see it, we’ve got no place to go, but anywhere is better than here. We pack up the most important shit we need, and knock over a few of the barrels of waste oil. Empty our own gas cans onto the walls and insulation… cut the phone line, cut the electricity, board up the windows and doors except for one…” Jake was looking around the tables making eyes with each of you, seeing if anyone was catching onto his plan. 

“You wanna trap Teddy inside, beat him at his own game…” Danny finally surmised. 

Jake nodded. “Two steps ahead. By the time he gets here, we will be long gone.”

“We pack up and disappear.” Y/N muttered under her breath.

“Exactly.” Jake responded, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “Teddy will make sure this happens fast and with nothin’ left behind. Maybe even find a point of no return…”

“What do you mean…” Sam asked.

“He’ll look for Valor. Coat her in fuel. He knows that would be the thing that will make the place explode, and will get to me most, even if I’m not awake to see it. It’ll be symbolic for him. His mind is twisted like that.” Jake paused. “But little will he know that we’ll have her miles down the road by that point.”

Finally, Sam’s oversized brain began to make all the connections it needed to to counteract Jake’s plan. “Okay, okay, I’m following you, but won’t he notice all our cars gone? How quiet it is inside?”

“Not until he actually gets in the building. I keep Valor covered, and Y/N’s car and the truck around back… he will probably think you guys have already left with the camper.” Jake countered. “He probably won’t even notice until it’s too late.”

“And the um. The remains that he knows would be found after all is said and done? Don’t you think he’s fearful of it being investigated as arson? He does have a motive against you…”

“And you think he cares?! He didn’t care about anyone investigating Ace, hell. He still has every single law enforcement agency in his right pocket, because he lines theirs. It’s all a front, it's all a scam. There won’t be an investigation, Sam. No one cares about us. I can promise you that.”

Sam leaned forward to meet Jake’s energy. “Okay, so he comes in the one door he knows, the one he’s used to coming into, right?”

Jake nodded. “Yep. We always use the same door for poker nights.” 

“How do we know he won’t set the fire, and slip back outside as soon as it catches?” Sam pressed. 

“Honestly, by then I hope that the amount of accelerant we put out will catch him off guard, make the fire take off more quickly than he ever anticipated. He’ll douse the outside with fuel, we’ll cover in here.” Jake said confidently. “My guess is he got his hands on some diesel fuel, too. Burns more effectively.”

Sam slowly nodded again. 

“As for him dippin’ out too fast…” Jake’s eyes slowly traveled to Bubba, asking him a question that you knew would be a giant responsibility. 

Bubba clenched his jaw. “I’ll make sure the son of a bitch can’t get out. Don’t you worry.”

“What if he sends Joey to do it? Or one of the other guys?” Danny asked. 

Jake shook his head. “He won’t. He has to be the one to do this. Just like he was the one who killed Ace. He won’t let anybody else steal his limelight.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Y/N finally spoke up. “Let me get this straight. You’re gonna make sure Teddy isn’t able to leave the building after he sets it on fire himself… thinking that we’re all in here fast asleep… You really think he wants you dead so badly that he’d kill the rest of us, too?!”

Danny and Jake both let out a tiny “Yeah”. 

“Unfortunately, babe, Teddy’s wanted me gone for as long as I’ve been alive. Him tauntin’ me and stalking me and takin’ all my money all these years was just foreplay for him. I’m the bane of his existence. He could never have my mom, and takin’ Ace out was never gonna be enough for him, so long as I was alive. Now that Josh and Sam are on his tail, bringin’ Ace’s murder back up, he’s found his time. And he ain’t gonna waste it. He knows it’s now or never. And you guys… You guys would just be at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

A silence fell over the table as you all let Jake’s words creep into the back rooms of your minds. Thinking of holes in the plan, reasons why this could backfire, and you worked them all out together. Though the plan was bone-chilling and horrific, and probably one of the most malicious and sinister situations you’d ever be involved in, you knew it had to happen. Teddy was going to try and kill your family, again, and you knew without a shadow of a doubt that you were not going to let it happen. Ever again. 

—

HER POV

The sun is just starting to set, the sky glowing orange through Jake’s bedroom window. The breeze is blowing in warm air, but it's welcome, cooling down the humid room. You lay across the length of the bed, watching as Jake pulls items from his dresser trying to decide what he should pack away and what he could stand to leave behind. 

He pulls out each item, looking it over and showing it to you for your opinion, either tossing it in the box or back into the dresser. The keep pile is significantly smaller than the get-rid-of pile, him stating he didn't want to keep anything with a lot of stains. He pulls a familiar t-shirt from the drawer, a sly smirk on his face as he turns it to you to see. You tilt your head to the side, recognizing it as the shirt you tried to leave with. The one you wore that first night together. 

“Toss it?” he asks, playfully, throwing it towards you. 

You hold it to your face, feeling the soft worn in material against your skin. “Mmm, you know… I think I'll keep this until it's a pile of strings.”

“First time I held you, you were in that shirt.” he smiles, continuing to sort through his clothes. 

“Thought it was Danny’s.” you laugh. 

“And that made it even better.” he nods, quirking a brow.

“Where are we gonna go, Jake?” you ask, nervousness thick in your voice. He stops and turns around to face you, walking over to the edge of the bed and sitting down next to you. “We don’t got nowhere to live, we ain’t got no money…”

He grabs your chin, tilting your head up to look at him. “You love me?”

You nod in his grip, the words squeaking out of your mouth. “Yes.”

“Then we’ll figure it out. I’ve got some money saved from the fights. I’m gonna take care of us. Don’t want you to worry about nothin’. You hear me?” he asks, his voice a little more stern now. 

You nod your head as he releases your chin, his fingers dusting over your cheek bones. “You know, I’d walk to the ends of the earth for you. Right?” he asks, his voice soft and gentle again.

“Yes.” you breathe, your eyes piercing into his. 

“Do anything for you.” he whispers, his thumb grazing your cheek. “I wanna give you a good life. Us a good life. A real house with a white fence. A mailbox with a little red flag on it, maybe paint our names on the side. A tire swing for our kids, if you want ‘em. I wanna be with you, the rest of my days and I hope you want that too.”

“I–I do. I want that, Jake. I really want that.” you answer quickly, pulling yourself up to meet him. 

“But I can only do that– I can only give you that if we go.” he says, pulling you closer to him. His lips are inches from yours, you can feel the heat of his breath against your lips. 

“I’d follow you to the ends of the earth.” you breathe, playing on his words. 

His lips meet yours, warm and wet, his hands gripping into your waist to pull you onto his lap. You lick into his mouth, the sweet taste of cinnamon turning up your lips into a smile. This man is everything you’d ever wanted. 

“I love you, Y/N.” he says between kisses, falling back onto the bed, and pulling you with him. 

“I love you, Jake. Love you more than anything.” you answer, short of breath as you fumble with his shirt. “Here. One more time. Please…” you beg, letting your eyes meet his. 

“M’gonna get us a real bed and a good mattress, one that’s off the floor. Gonna get you a nightstand where you can put your things, and lay your books at night. Give you a real kitchen with a pantry, and a kitchen table with matching chairs. Gonna give you everything. I want you to have everything…” he says, pulling your shirt over your head to reveal your chest.

“Those things…those things don’t matter. All that matters is that this is real. What we’ve got…It’s real. That’s all I need.” you answer, falling to your back as he flips the two of you, hastily unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them off of his body. 

A growl rolls from his chest as he pulls your shorts down, rough and quick and full of need. You’re both bare before each other, his tattoos glowing against his skin as the sun slips further into the sky. The room is growing dim, and the air a bit cooler as you watch him lower his face to your chest, his tongue licking over your nipples. 

You arch into him, the feeling of his tongue on your body so warm after so many days apart from each other. He presses hot kisses to your skin as he trails down your stomach, his hands grabbing your hips to hold you in place as his tongue slides through your center. A whine leaves his chest as you grip into his hair, the bun at the base of his neck, tight and disheveled. 

“Jake…” you beg, knowing he would get lost in the feeling of you. 

His tongue circles and swipes at you, wet sounds filling the air around you as your chest heaves. You whimper as your nerves start to flare, a breath leaving your chest as his teeth nip at you. His fingers grip into your thighs, spreading your legs apart even further as he buries his head between them. 

On the brink of your orgasm you open your eyes to look at him, completely blissed out as he slides his fingers inside of you, collecting your wetness on his middle fingers. 

“Look at me…” you breathe, watching his dark brown eyes flick open to meet your gaze. He hums as you keep eye contact, your release taking over you furiously. His eyes stay locked on you as you toss your head back in pleasure, your hips lurching upward to meet his mouth as his fingers continue to work you. His name slips from your lips in a breathy moan as you start to come down, opening your eyes to meet his again. 

He slows his movement, giving one last kiss to your center before he pulls his mouth away, wet and shining in the orange cast that's taken the room. He slides his hand up your leg as he crawls over you, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before pressing a kiss to your lips. “Think I felt it.” he says, his face inches from yours.

“Felt what?”

“How much you love me. I felt it, just then. Your body pulled me in.” he says, dropping his lips to your throat. 

“I need you.” you answer. “I’m always gonna need you, Jake.”

He reaches between the two of you, swiping his tip through your wetness, and positioning himself to press into you. “Slow and sweet, like that first night okay? Wanna remember you here, like this.”

“Please…” you breathe, feeling him slowly press himself inside, his jaw hanging slack as his base meets your core. “God dammit you are made for me.” 

With him inside you, you feel whole. Full. Content. Every perfect inch of him settles a need inside of you. A need only he can satiate. He starts to roll his hips, his tip grazing at you just right, causing your hands to grip into his back. 

Your skin is slick with sweat as the two of you work together to make each other feel a way no one else can. A way meant to exist in every universe. His face twists and contorts in pleasure, and you can tell he is already close. He needs this. You need this. But neither of you are willing to let it happen so quickly.

His hand cups your face as the other holds his balance over you, his hips snapping into you a little faster than he wanted. But when it came to you, you knew he couldn’t control himself and you prayed he never would.

His eyes meet yours, blown out and glossy, “I’ll love you forever if you’ll let me.”

“I don’t want a second less than that.” you answer through a pant, a pressure building in your stomach. 

“I want you to cum, baby. I want you, I want every single piece of you.” he says, working through his need to finish. 

“I want you to let go. Let go with me…” you beg, desperate to feel him twitching inside of you. 

“My life…My life started when you pulled up to this shop. I didn’t know it then, but you changed everything.” he pauses, gritting his teeth as he staves off his orgasm. “Every second I’ve spent with you…ah, fuck…” he groans, your own orgasm teetering on the edge of the words he’s about to say. “Every second tops the last…I will never, ever have enough of you. Enough of this. My life, and every shit thing that's happened in it, has been worth it, for you, and you alone.”

A tear slips out of the side of your eye, as you look at him, a tear sneaking from his own eye as his hips start to falter. He means it. He means it with everything he has.  

“I love you Jake. I love you, I love you…” you cry, letting your release take over your entire body, pulling him down to you and holding him tightly as the feeling of pure, unbridled love races through you. You feel his fingers grip into your hips, a deep guttural groan falling from his chest as he pumps into you, hot and full. It’s pulled all the air from his lungs, his sounds primal and desperate as he fills you, determined to give himself over to you completely. 

His hips slow, and his breath is heavy as he pants on top of you, looking down at you as he pushes up to his arm. “Are you okay? I– I got lost there for a second, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I–”

“Jake.” you smile, running a hand through his mess of hair. “I’m perfect.”

He smiles, leaning down to kiss your lips again, biting your lip playfully as he pulls away. “Love you cinnamon girl.”

He rolls off of you, still catching his breath as his dick lays softly against his stomach. You roll to your side, feeling the wetness smeared between your legs as he pulls you close to him. 

“I would’ve never thought that the scared girl in my bed would end up being the love of my life.” he says, staring up at the ceiling. “Shoulda known right then, that first night. Couldn’t stop starin’ at you. That morning, feeling your soft skin. I was done for. I was yours.”

You hum against his chest, feeling his lips press a kiss to your head as he pulls a sheet over the two of you. “Mmm, yeah. You were tryin’ to be a tough guy, too.” You smirk at him.

The moment is gone as a knock sounds against the door, pulling both of you back to reality and out of your bubble. 

“Jake, Bubba’s here. Wants to take us somewhere ‘fore it gets too dark.” Danny says, his voice low and gentle. 

“Gimme a minute, I’ll be out.” Jake answers, turning to look at you. He pulls your face to his, kissing your lips before tossing the sheet off of himself and sliding out of the bed. 

“You stay here with Josh and Sam, don’t go nowhere alone.” he says, his voice a little stern again as he pulls on his jeans. 

“I won’t. Just gonna call my mom, tell her we’re leavin’.” you answer, admiring the ink peppered along his arms and chest, catching a tiny glance at the clover tattoo on the underside of his arm. You watch as he rounds the mattress and rips his nightstand drawer open, taking his gun out and securing it under the band at the back of his jeans.

“Love you, I’ll be back.” he says, slipping out the bedroom door and into the night.

—

JAKE POV

You close the bedroom door behind you, heading straight for the kitchen where you hear the mumbling of voices. “Jake…” Bubba says, tipping his hat to you. 

“Bubba…” you answer with a curt smile. 

“Wanna take you two somewheres’. Won’t take but a minute.” he explains. 

“Alright,” you pause looking to Josh. “You gonna stay here? With Y/N?” you ask. 

“Course.” he answers, sitting down in a kitchen chair.

“Keep an eye outside, don’t let your guard down.” you say with a stern look. 

“We’ve got it, Jake. Go.” he urges, his voice steady and comforting as he cracked his knuckles. You’d only known your twin for less than a calendar month, but the trust you had in him and Sam was already more than you ever expected yourself to give. 

You nod your head and turn to Daniel and Bubba, gesturing to the shop door. 

“Grab a flashlight or somethin’, gettin’ dark quick.” Bubba says, as you make your way through the shop.

You snatch a flashlight and a lantern from the workbench, tossing the flashlight to Danny. 

“Grab yeh a shovel and a crate or somethin’ too.” Bubba adds, looking around the dark shop. 

“The fuck? Where are you taking us?” Danny laughs, walking across the shop to grab an old rusty shovel. 

“Just somewhere I been goin’ for years.” Bubba smiles, closing the shop door behind you. 

You follow Bubba as he leads you across the lot and into the graveyard of abandoned cars deep into the field at the back of the lot. “Jesus Christ, Bub. We couldn’t have done this during the day. I'm gettin’ ate to shit out here by chiggers.” 

“Yeah that ain’t no shit.” Danny adds, slapping at the skin of his ankles. “Goddamn bloodsuckers.”

Bubba laughs, shaking his head as he listens to the two of you gripe. He stops as he makes it to the edge of the field, leaning on an old fence post that at one time marked the edge of the property. Rusted out chicken wire hung from the wooden post, decaying as the years passed in disrepair. You turned up the propane on your lantern, illuminating the space around you. 

“Boys, I know you always knew about the jar of money your daddy had put out here for yeh’s.” he says, grabbing the shovel from Danny. “But I’ve got a bit of a confession to make…”

He looks around for a second before stabbing the shovel into the ground. “Daniel, son, shine that light over here.” he says, stomping his foot into the shovel to dig it further into the earth. He digs out a few shovels full of dirt before crouching down to the ground. He reaches into the hole and grabs a mason jar, the glass green and cloudy, showing its age. He hands it to you, and you can’t believe that after all this time Ace was telling the truth.

“Bubba… Is this? He really did it…” you breathe, trying to pry the rusty lid from the jar. It pops open with a little force and inside you see a mess of rolled up bills and change.  

“He–In his note, he said he left this…Said it wasn’t much. Can’t believe he did it.” you stammer, unable to believe it. 

Bubba grabs the lantern from the ground, walking over to another spot and sticking his shovel into the ground. 

“What’re you–” you stop, seeing the ground in front of you as Danny’s flashlight illuminates the field, covered in the remnants of several other old dirt piles. 

“Bubba what is this…” you breathe. 

“Well son, Ace was telling the truth. He did bury that jar of money for yeh’s. But I’m here to tell yeh it wouldn’t have been enough to even begin to get you boys on your feet again.”

“What do you mea–”

“Start diggin’ boys.” he says, tossing you the shovel. You suddenly see how many piles of dirt there are, you and Danny both realizing at the same time. 

Danny starts to dig with his hands, kneeling on the old piles of dirt, so old that they’ve started growing grass and weeds. “How far down, Bub…”

“Well, ain’t too far, started gettin’ harder as I got some age on me.” he laughs, leaning on the hood of an old rusted Ford. 

Danny’s hands dig into the dirt until his eyes snap over to you, pulling an old tin coffee can from the earth. It’s rusted and covered in dirt as he brushes it clean. “Bubba, what the hell…” he laughs. 

He fumbles with the lid, scrambling to find his flashlight as he opens it. He reaches inside pulling out a stack of cash, wrapped in a dry-rotting rubber band. “Bubba…No…”

“What did you do old man!” you shout, holding the lantern up to give Danny more light. 

“Oh my god there’s– there’s more in here, Jake…” Danny says, a look of shock on his face. 

“Now, now, before you two start makin’ assumptions, yeh daddy didn’t have no knowledge of me doin’ this. He wouldn’ta had it. This is honest money. Clean money.”

You look around at how many dirt piles still needed to be uncovered and your jaw dropped. “Bubba…How–how long have you been doing this? How did we never know…” you ask. 

“Since your daddy passed. Seven years now. All for you two boys. Lord knows I’ont need it.” he says, nodding his head and crossing his arms as he watches Daniel. “You gonna help ‘em son, or you just gonna stand there jabber jawed…”

You spend the next twenty minutes digging up jar after jar and can after can of cash, stored away in the earth for years. “No Bubba, we–we can’t. This is yours, we can’t take this.” you say, refusing to believe he’d done this. 

“Yes dammit, you can. And you will.” he says, pushing up off the hood of the truck. “I didn’t almost lose my life in Vietnam and get those retirement checks for nothin’. I ain’t got no children of my own. Ain’t got no one to take care of ‘cept Geraldine, and we are more than fine. This money is yours, it’s always been yours.”

“Bubba, but you– you could buy a nice home outta this town, start over, too.” Danny says, looking at the jars lined up on the ground in front of you. 

“I don’t need to son, my life has been lived. I’m happy where I am. I got Geri and that’s all I need. You’re– you’re my sons. I want to see you live the life you deserve to live.” he says, a waver of emotion in his voice. 

“Bubba…” you whine, unsure if you should accept. 

“Please, Jacob. It’s all I have to give you. I worked so hard for this, for you.” he insists. 

“You’re a hundred percent sure…” you ask. 

“As sure as the dawn.” he says, nodding his head in finality, adjusting the brim of his hat on his head.  

“Thank you…” you can barely manage the words. 

“You’re welcome. Just promise me somethin’...” he says, looking to you and Daniel. “Don’t let history repeat itself. Break the chain, son.”

You and Daniel nod in agreement, looking to each other, knowing that you would do exactly that. 

“Now, let’s get this loaded up, you’ve got packin’ to do before daylight.” he says, grabbing a jar from the ground and handing it to you. 

You and Daniel worked to load the cans and jars into the milk crate you brought along, and for the first time in your life you both knew that things were going to be okay.

—

As you walk back towards the shop, you trail behind Daniel and Bubba, listening to them talk about the future and the plans Danny has. You felt your heart swell with pride as you listened to him talk about his dreams. The ones he thought would stay dreams, the unachievable ones. Well, until now. You knew that your lives had endless possibilities now. All because of Bubba.

As you reached the edge of the field, a cluster of yellow flowers grew amongst the rusted cars. It felt symbolic. Like a glimmer of hope still existed amongst the ruin. You just had to look for it.  You snatched a handful up from the ground, bringing them to your nose as you walked, breathing in the sweet grassy scent of the petals. You smiled as you placed them inside one of the coffee cans, letting out a sigh of relief. You were gonna do it. You were gonna give her that life you promised. 

The three of you made your way back through the shop, dropping the lantern and shovel at the door. As you stepped into the kitchen you saw Sam and Josh sitting, waiting for your return. Your heart grew warm as you laid eyes on them. Part of your life you didn’t know was missing, finally here and in front of you, showing you just how capable of love you really are. It had been a week and you already couldn’t imagine a life without them. You wouldn’t imagine it. 

“What’s all that?” Sam asks, stepping up to Daniel. Josh stands too, meeting you as he glances down into the milk crate. 

“Well, Bubba has been storing away money for us. Didn’t tell a soul ‘til now.” you answer, looking over to Bubba who is blushing as he nods his head. 

“Ain’t much, but couldn’t think of anyone who deserved it more.” he says. 

“Bubba, it’s more than enough.” you interject, wholly grateful for every cent. 

“Wow, this is– this is incredible.” Josh says, pulling the dirty cans from the crate. “Thank you, sir, for looking out for them.” Josh says, locking eyes with Bubba.

“Your turn now.” Bubba says, nodding his head. 

“And I will. S’all I wanted.” Josh answers, looking to you and to Daniel.

“Now you boys get yourselves packed up, I want you out of here first thing.” Bubba says, quickly changing the subject to mask his own emotions.

“I’m almost done. I can take the first watch out front.” you say, looking to Josh and Sam. “You two should rest a bit, Daniel can take next watch.”

“Don’t be takin’ too much, otherwise it will look suspicious.” Bubba says, leaning on the kitchen counter. 

“I know, just taking what I need, which I’ve found ain’t much.”

“I’m gonna get out of here, head down to the diner, see if Geraldine has heard anything else.” Bubba says, pushing off the counter. 

“I’ll walk ya.” Danny says, opening the shop door. You follow after them, knowing that this will be the last time you see Bubba. 

The three of you walk in silence, stopping just shy of his truck as he turns to look at the two of you. “Now when you boys get packed up, don’t waste a second. Don’t dilly dally, you get the hell out of dodge, and don’t you look back for nothin’.”

“We won’t Bub. Promise.” You say, choking back the lump in your throat. 

He bites his lips together as he nods his head, stepping forward to wrap his arms around your shoulders. “I’m proud of you Jacob. You’re a great man. Always have been. Don't never let anybody tell yeh different. Your daddy woulda been proud of you. The man you grew to be. He shoulda been the one seein’ yeh off, not me.”

Your eyes well with tears, as you hug him back, letting go of the man that made the biggest impact on your life. “Thank you Bubba, for everything.”

“You take care of that girl, too, you hear? She’s a good one. Got a good heart, good head on her shoulders. Those don’t come around very often, Jacob.” Bubba went on as you nodded in understanding. 

“I will, Bub. We will.”

He lets go of you and steps over to Daniel, hugging him just the same. “And Daniel, my boy. I’m proud of you, too. You’ve overcome every obstacle life has ever thrown you. You made the most of it and found yourself a family. A family that needs you and always will. I trust you to look after each other, cause in life all you’ve got is the people you surround yourself with, and protect with your life. You’re a good man Daniel, but an even better brother.”

You watch Danny swipe away a tear from his eye as he nods his head, patting Bubba’s back as he pulls away. “Thank you, and I will. I always will.”

Bubba clears his throat, as he steps over to his truck “Now, you boys call me sometime when you get settled where you’re goin’.”

“We will.” you answer quickly, watching him get into his truck. He shuts the door, and rolls down the window, letting his hand rest on the window sill. 

It’s quiet between the three of you as he starts the engine and puts it into drive. “Take care of yourselves, and remember that when things seem hard, to just look back at where you started.” he pauses, the car creeping forward. “I’ll be seein’ you boys.”

—

Stepping back into the house you found that Josh and Sam were still awake, waiting for the two of you to walk back inside. They had cleaned all of the money out of the cans and jars in your absence, laying them flat and dividing them into piles. 

“Jake…It’s…It’s more than you think.” Josh said, turning to face you. 

“How much?” you ask. 

“It’s almost nine thousand dollars.” Sam answers. 

“Shit, Bubba…” you grumble. “I can’t believe he did this.”

“Incredibly generous.” Josh adds, standing from the table. “I’ll leave you to it, just thought we could help a little. We’re gonna go pack up the camper a bit, just holler if you need us.”

“Sounds good, brother.” you answer, patting his back. 

“I’ll get…a bag or something for this.” Danny says, walking towards his bedroom. 

Josh and Sam slip out the shop door, leaving you alone in the kitchen. You look around at the four walls around you, taking in the sight of the house that built you. Your eyes catch sight of the flowers on the table, still situated in the coffee tin and you smile, snatching it up and heading straight for your bedroom. 

You open the door, finding Y/N folding items into her suitcase. “Hey baby, where’d you run off to? she asks. 

“Took a little walk with Bubba to the back of the property. He’s uh, he’s been burying jars of money for Daniel and I for the last seven years. Josh and Sam just counted out almost nine thousand dollars.” you answer, sitting down next to her on the bed. “Got you somethin’ though.”

You hold out the coffee can of flowers, watching as a smile spreads across her face. She plucks out the delicate yellow flower, touching the petals softly. 

“Jake, do you know what these are?” she asks, bringing it up to her nose to smell. 

“I don't know, weeds or somethin’?” you laugh, not thinking too much of it. 

She laughs and nudges you with her elbow, “No, they’re Black Eyed Susans.”

“I’m sorry baby, but I don’t– does that mean somethin’? I just thought they were pretty.”

“Yeah, yeah they do. They um… they are a good thing. It means good things.” she pauses, holding it out in front of her. “Look at it, you see how the petals are all golden yellow, and they surround the dark fuzzy part in the middle?” she asks, you nod your head looking at the bright yellow petals. 

“They say that Black Eyed Susans bring light to the dark parts of your life. Kinda like how the yellow petals are surrounding the dark center on the flower. They’re supposed to help you find the strength to reach inside and clear out all the negative stuff that’s holdin’ you down. Supposed to give you protection as you release all the trauma and pain that you’ve kept walled up inside you.”

“But it’s just a flower.”

“It’s not. It’s the underdog story of blooming when the time is right, no matter the circumstances.” she says, placing it back in the coffee tin with the others. “You said they were growing amongst the weeds, didn’t you?”

“How do you know all this?” you ask, gripping your hand in hers. 

“My mom kept them on our kitchen table. They grew in our backyard when I was a kid. They grow wild around here. They remind me of Rainey.”

“I’ve never seen ‘em before.” you admit.

“You never had the chance to look.” she says, cupping your cheek. “I love them. Thank you.”

“We’re gonna be okay now, Y/N.” you whisper, brushing your lips against hers. 

She presses her lips to yours, kissing you sweetly. “We always were.”

—

“Okay, so here is what has to happen in order for this to work…” you start, grabbing everyone's attention. 

“We have to get this place ready to burn, but we need it to look like nothings’ happened.” you continue. “We have an advantage here, the shop always smells like fuel and oil, so he won’t suspect nothin’ of the smell.”

“Yeah, I’m thinkin’ you’re right, we tip some of that waste oil, really make this place go up in flames.” Daniel adds. 

“Sam, you think you can figure out how to cut the phone lines? Better yet, all the electricity?” you ask. 

“Absolutely, can rig it to where tomorrow morning when we leave all I gotta do is pull the plug.” he answers. 

“Good. Josh, you think you can douse the shop walls with some fuel? I’m gonna board up the back of the shop, chain the doors, all that.”

“Oh, fire is my specialty, I know exactly what to do.”

“Talked to Bubba earlier, he’s gonna get the door tomorrow.” Daniel says. 

“Yeah? He’s good with it?” you ask.

“Yep, he’ll make sure of it.”

You sigh and shake your head “Alright, well, we need to get started then, got a long night ahead of us.”

You all agree and break off into your own tasks, moving quietly and slowly as not to alert any passersby of what's happening. You knew there was a chance that Teddy’s guys were scoping the place out, and you didn’t need it to look like anything other than an ordinary night. 

“Wait!” you shout, getting all of their attention. They all turn to look at you, curious.  “Once we douse this place, don’t be lighting a goddamn cigarette. Take it out to the trees.”

They all smile and laugh, continuing to make their way where they needed to go, ready to end this nightmare once and for all. 

—

It’s nearly 2AM by the time you’re sliding into your bed next to her, your body tired and aching from the extensive manual labor you’d just finished. The shop was ready, and the doors and windows boarded. There was only one way in, and inevitably there would be no way out. You were prepared. Ready for this new life, but you couldn't help the melancholy feeling of leaving your past behind in a pile of ashes. Now you lay here next to her, in this bed, in this room for what would be the very last time, and instead of wondering if you were making the right choice, you knew you were. You’d never been more sure of anything your whole life. Your life with her. This was always your fate.

She stirs next to you, rolling into your chest as she lets out a content sigh. “You get it all done, baby?” she asks, her voice groggy and thick. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s done. Everything is done.” you answer, wrapping your arms around her. 

“S’gonna work?” she breathes.

“God baby, I fuckin’ hope so. Either way, we won’t be here to find out.”

—

HER POV

You wake to the feeling of Jake’s lips on your shoulder, the room dark and eerily quiet. You roll towards him, his body warm against yours as you struggle to keep your eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time. 

“Mmm what time is it?” you ask, nuzzling your face against his chest. 

“About five. Gotta get up, get loaded up, and get out of here before any one in town is awake to see us leavin’.” he says, his voice a whisper against your head. 

“Can’t believe we’re goin’.” you say, tipping your head to look up at him. You can't really see his face, just the shadows of his jaw line, and the blinking of his eyes. 

“Finally gettin’ the fuck out of here, you mean.” he laughs. 

“Yeah, that.” you reply, stretching your legs out. “Gonna miss this room I think.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm, it's so…you. Smells like you, feels like you. First place we ever really got to be with each other, ya know? We fell in love here.” you say, thinking back. 

“We did, didn’t we? Best thing to ever come out of this damn place.” he says, his voice deep and gravely. 

“Not true. You’re the best thing. You and Josh, and Sam I think. Danny might not be from here, but he was raised here. Grew up in these walls with you. You all have this place to thank, at least a little bit.”

“God I love you, you know that?” he says, kissing your forehead. 

Suddenly a rush of clarity comes over you, and you know exactly what you need to do. “Hey, get up, I have an idea.” 

—

“Alright Danny, a little more to your left…” you pause, looking through the viewfinder. “Okay! Yes! Stay there! Now both of you kinda lean on the hood and smile.” you say, letting your finger hover over the shutter button. You press it down, hearing the gears start to work, the camera printing out a polaroid shot of your two favorite guys, perched in front of Valor, in front of the shop that built them.

“Now, all of you, Josh and Sam, get in there.” you say, motioning for them to join. 

“Wait, what about you?” Sam asks, stepping up next to Danny. 

“This one ain’t about me. It’s about you guys. The brothers, in front of their dad’s shop.”

They all smile with their arms around each other's shoulders. Four brothers. A family. Your family.

The camera spits out another image to develop, the two photos sitting side by side on the hood of your car. 

“Okay, now you. You and Jake!” Josh shouts, running over towards you to take the camera. 

Sam and Daniel step out of the frame, talking to each other as you run up to Jake. He catches you in his arms, spinning you around before setting your feet on the ground and dipping you down for a sweet and heavy kiss. 

“Got it!” Josh shouts. “God that shit was perfect. Cinematic almost.”

Jake pulls you back up, holding your face in his hands as he kisses you again. “You ready to get out of here?”

“I’m followin’ you.”

You watch as Jake pauses, hollering over toward Danny. “Wait, Danny! You forgettin’ somethin’?” he asks. Danny looks back in question.

“...Your precious radio?” Jake says. 

“Holy fuckin’ shit! I almost forgot it!” Danny yelps. “Jake, you think you can go grab it for me? Oh wait, that’s right. You can’t reach it.” Danny sticks his tongue out and laughs as he jogs past you back into the shop. 

Jake responds with a harsh punch into Danny’s shoulder. “Fuck you, asshole.”

After a final walk through, you start walking back to the cars, pulling the keys for the scout from your purse and tossing them to Sam, who volunteered to drive it so you could ride with Jake. You weren’t positive but you are pretty sure this is part of his plan to steal it from you. “Treat her good, Sammy. Brakes are kinda touchy.”

He smiles excitedly as he jingles the keys in his hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll treat her real nice…”

“Sam! You go pull that plug!” Jake shouts. He nods and runs to the back of the building disappearing quickly. 

You grab the developing photos from the hood, and the coffee can of flowers as you head back towards Valor. Josh jumps into their car, the camper attached and ready to go, as Danny hits the kick start on his motorcycle, it roaring to life beneath him. A rush of warmth takes over your chest as you watch him walk it out into the gravel, remembering a time when things were different. As if he’s having the same thoughts he waves at you, sliding his helmet on over his mess of curls. “You wanna join me for one more cruise? For old time’s sake?” you hear his voice joking as he revs the engine.

You laugh. “Maybe next time. Be careful, Danny! Please!” you shout, watching him nod his head in understanding. 

“You sure we got everything?” you ask, as Jake opens the passenger door for you. 

“Damn near everything. All in the Scout and their trailer. Box or two in here and Danny’s guitar.” he says, watching you slide into the passenger seat. 

“You grabbed your harmonica, right?” you asked innocently. 

A sweet smirk came across his face as his cheeks blush. “In my bag.”

“Good. Then let’s go!” you smile. He shuts the door, and rushes around the front, jumping into the driver's seat as the sun starts to peek over the horizon. Danny leads the way as he makes his way down the gravel path towards the road, Sam following after him, then Josh. Though you were hopeful for the future, you still had a nagging feeling in your stomach of worry for Bubba. You knew he had agreed to the most important part of Jake’s plan, and he did so without hesitation. Jake’s hand landed on your knee as he started Valor and gave you a reassuring grin. 

“Bubba will be just fine, babe. Don’t worry. You’re our four leaf clover, remember?”

—

TEDDY POV

Attempting to get any sleep was unnecessary, at this point. The entire night had been spent going over your plan in your head, over and over again until it was burned in and charring the very fibers of your brain. You’d told Joey and Mac of your plans, given that they were there at Ace’s that night everything went down. The night you felt so much satisfaction you thought your head was going to explode. But you made them stay back, this didn’t concern them anymore. You had to do this alone; you weren’t going to give someone else the satisfaction of watching the place go up in flames. Ace got what he fuckin’ deserved, by your hand. Finally. After all those years of despising the man who stole away the love of your life, he ended up losing the game altogether. Cheap motherfucker.

And now, you were prepared to finish the job, getting rid of the pest that was his son, too.

Anyways, the bottle of gin that sat between your legs now as you drove down the quiet roads was almost empty. You’d save the polish-off for the very last second. Your head was swimming from the alcohol and adrenaline that was pumping through your veins, and you felt the embers of anticipation sitting comfortably in the pit of your stomach. This was going to be one of the most epic days of your life, doing away with the scum that is Ace’s son. And his godforsaken excuse for a mechanic’s shop. Please. That man never had enough gumption in his body to try and make his family’s lives better, let alone run a business. 

It was times like these when you wondered where in the hell Stella had ended up. You communicated with her there for a while, right after she left Ace with that baby of hers. She was hopping around from town to town, trying to make it off of the pennies she scraped together to feed herself and the kid. You’d told her you had contacts all over the place, if she needed a fix. But she never took you up on it. Then after a while, she just… stopped calling altogether. And you hadn’t heard a word from her since. 

You wondered, sometimes, if that baby she was pregnant with was yours. It was possible, but the math didn’t add up. She’d gone back to Ace by then, but you were more than sure the timing was off just enough to have reasonable doubt. Thank god. You wouldn’t have been able to raise a child, you can’t stand kids to this day. 

You loved Stella, though. You never told her that, but you knew she knew. She was the closest thing to happiness you’d ever felt. It was strange, having that feeling in your heart. An emotion so heavy that you found yourself daydreaming your time away, day in and day out. She lived in your mind, then, when you were young and aimless. Her smile alone could cure every ailment you had. Your time together was always good. Then she chose her precious Anicet over you. And ever since then, you’d abhorred the ground he walked on. He didn’t deserve her. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. 

So now, as you found yourself secretly driving to Ace’s shop to finally do away with the person who lived on through him in the most agitating way, you had never felt more ready. Jake was a pain in your side. Like a little rat who was always eating away at your skin. Burying himself underneath it. A constant reminder of the life you didn’t get, and the woman you never got to have. 

Taking his money wasn’t enough. Badgering him at every turn wasn’t enough. It was never enough. Nothing would satiate your thirst for getting fucking rid of him, once and for all. God, the pride you could already feel building up inside you for what you were about to accomplish… it was blinding. Finally, the eyesore of that place will cease to exist. And it will all be by your hand. And you couldn’t wait.

The sun wasn’t all the way up yet, so the cover of twilight was still on your side. There was a very light fog settled over, and the setting for your most dramatic act yet couldn’t be more perfect. You turned the key to the engine off as you turned into the lot of Ace’s, letting the truck idle as you coasted around the back of the building. You had pallets stacked in the bed, and of course the full gas and diesel cans ready to be emptied. You knew as soon as you put this thing in park, you had to hurry. You had no time to waste.

You parked the truck facing back out toward the road, and took another swig of the gin, stuffing the bottle in your back pocket as you opened the truck door. Quietly, but efficiently, you pulled the pallets from the bed, dousing them with as much fuel as you could before lining them against the outside walls of the shop. You worked quickly, not allowing your drunkenness to slow your movements. When you were satisfied with your work on the outside, you checked your jacket pocket to make sure your cigarettes and lighter were tucked securely away. Fuck, you almost couldn’t wait to inhale the nicotine and toss the cigarette onto that piece of shit Chevelle.

With an almost soundless twist of your hand, you opened the doorknob to the shop, finding it to be just the way you’d anticipated. Quiet and dark. You let your eyes adjust, finding things to be a bit more blurry than they were outside. Your hand patted along the wall as you walked in, stumbling a little bit over your heavy boots. Get it together, Ted. Now’s not the time. You felt the demons of the liquor hitting you hard in the face. Damnit. 

You shook it away, lifting the gas can in your hand and making quick work of tossing the fuel all over the walls, all over the cabinets and shelves, and all over their precious belongings. You’d made sure to place extra pallets around the back of the building, right around their bedrooms. This was foolproof. The air felt heavy and thick with the smell of fuel and oil, but you breathed it in without a care. You committed it to memory, knowing that in the future when you’d smell it, it would remind you of the day you completed your greatest task yet. 

Finally, you made it over to the corner of the shop where you’d left Ace, glancing up to see the exposed rafter above your head. Fuck, what a night that was. The memory was still perfectly lined out in your mind, and you found yourself reliving it daily. But now, with word of those two asshole brothers of Jake’s in town putting their noses where they didn’t belong, you knew you had to do away with any and all evidence that could possibly implicate you. The corner hadn’t changed much since you left it that night seven years ago, so the amount of fuel you poured over everything most definitely had to erase the fact that you were even here that night, at all. 

Your work was a bit shoddy that night, you’ll admit, but you got the job done. And who was gonna check? Joey had done a good job of making sure the police were well taken care of that day, leaving the scene with more than just hundreds in their pockets. You’d had it in the bag. Conspiracy and cover-ups were your forte, and you took pride in the fact that until now, no one had even raised a suspicious brow. 

The sun began peeking through the cracks in the walls, and you realized that this place was especially dark, darker than you ever remember it being in the past. You switched gears, finishing throwing all the accelerant you could onto the walls and insulation, knowing that so far, everything was going exactly to plan. Your heart began pumping as you rushed back outside, tossing the empty cans back into the bed of your truck and reaching into your pocket for your lighter. You flicked it on, crouching down to light the fist pallet on fire. It was go time. 

The pallet lit up with white-hot flames, the gasoline catching immediately and doing its job perfectly. You watched as the fire began to smolder onto the side of the building. You knew the metal sheeting would be hard to burn, but there was so much weed cover and junk surrounding it that you knew it would only be a matter of time. You worked quickly again to light the rest of the pallets, all of them burning one by one as you rushed around the building. You finally stepped back inside, ready to find that stupid car and hit Jake where it hurts. Ace’s pride and joy, fuck. Cared more for that car than he did his own kids. 

The sun that was lighting up the world outside wasn’t reflecting through the windows of the shop. Kind of odd… where’s the light?

You could smell the smoke from the outside of the building starting to fill your nose, and it ignited a whole new excitement in you. This was working. You glanced around in the darkness, trying like hell to find that damn car. Where the fuck is it? This place isn’t that big… it wasn’t parked outside…

You flicked your lighter on again and began lighting everything that you could on fire on the interior, making sure it caught. Your eyes began to glaze over from the smoke filling the room, and you knew it would only be a matter of time before the whole place went up in flames. The pure excitement was more than you could bear. Where the hell is that damn Chevelle?

Just as you decided that it most definitely wasn’t in here for whatever reason, you pulled the bottle of gin from your pocket and tilted it back, letting the last bit of the alcohol coat your throat. You were stumbling around now as the smoke grew thicker. Your intoxication had hit its full potential. You made your way through the shop toward the door, but not before feeling your boot catch on the edge of something, sending you flying forward. Your reaction time was slowed, thus making your arms unable to break your fall. You hit face first on the concrete floor, temporarily knocking you out. 

You laid there for a couple of minutes trying to get your bearings. You must’ve hit your head on something sharp, too, as your temple was absolutely throbbing with pain. All you could see was the blurry orange glow of the fire that was fully starting to involve itself with the building. The smoke was like heavy clouds now, and you found yourself pulling at your jacket to cover your mouth. 

It’s working, everything is going to plan. Now, if you can just get back up on your feet before they wake up and find you…

It was easier said than done. The smoke you’d been inhaling was making you dizzy, and you found yourself panicking, needing fresh oxygen more than you’d ever needed anything in your life. You rolled to your side, willing your arms and hands to pull you toward the door while your legs fell limp behind you. The heat of the room was becoming too much to bear.

Just a few more feet… gotta get out…

Finally, the door was within your line of vision, and you could see sunlight peeking through the thin glass pane of it. You used the cabinet by the door to hoist yourself up, leaning completely on your arms to hold you. The heat was unbearable. The smoke was thick and heavy, and you found yourself struggling to take a full breath. You were becoming more and more light headed by the second. The place had caught on fire more quickly than you’d anticipated.

No… I gotta get…

Just as your hand finally gripped around the doorknob and pushed your bodyweight against it, something stopped you. You shoved again, finding the door only able to open a few inches. What the fuck? You brought your mouth to the crack in the door, sucking at clean air with everything you had in you. After a few deep breaths, you looked through the glass pane, seeing none other than Bubba standing there, staring back at you.

“What are you doing?! Open the door!” you screamed, pushing your weight against it again. 

All the old man did was shake his head side to side.

What the fuck is this?!

“Bubba! I swear to fucking god! If you don’t open this–” it was becoming harder to breathe again, each breath that filled your lungs felt like it was strangling you. 

‘No’, he motioned again. You smashed your face into the crack again, gasping for oxygen. “Bubba! You… sorry motherfucker! Open this…fucking door, god damnit!!” you screamed, feeling the dizziness take over you again. In a movement of pure survival adrenaline, you did your best to rush around the shop, dodging the flames that threatened to take you within their grips the second you let them. You were pulling on doors and window latches, but they just wouldn’t fucking budge. That’s why it’s so dark in here. The windows had been boarded up, and the doors had been chained closed. 

Those sorry motherfuckers…they barricaded you in here. They knew you were doing this. 

You managed to clamber up the stairs to the loft, racing to the phone that sat on the old wooden desk to try and call someone. As you picked it up and held it to your ear, you didn’t hear a dial tone. You heard nothing but silence. Your hand gripped the cord on the back of the receiver, finding that it had been cut in two. “Fuck!” You screamed, realizing you were unable to call for any help.

You made it back down the stairs, coughing and wheezing as you rushed back to the cracked-open door. Suddenly Bubba’s eyes were staring at you through the crack. “Tell me how you fucking did it! Tell me how you killed him! I deserve to know the truth!” Bubba yelled. 

“What in the hell are you talkin’ about, you crazy old man?” you barked back.

“You killed Ace. I know you did! Everyone knows you did! Now tell me exactly how you did it!” You heard him yelling. 

“I didn’t kill your… fucking friend! He hung himself, don’t you… remember?!” you gasped. Your heart was beating out of your ribcage, and your skin was starting to burn. “Open the fucking door, Bubba!!” you pushed on it again, finding it only able to open the same as it had been. 

“Ace would never’a done that. Never! He loved his family! And you had his murder covered up! I may be an old man, but I’m not stupid! Those boys went diggin’, found absolutely fuckin’ nothin’ on Ace’s death except forged documents and lies! Now tell me!” Bubba was demanding you now. 

You sucked in four or five deep breaths as the flames from the fire beside you began licking at your body, the intensity becoming greater as it scorched you. You looked behind you, finding the place to be a complete inferno. And in that moment, you felt an emotion that you had only ever felt a couple of times in your life… fear. 

And it was consuming you. 

You stumbled over to the door again, seeing Bubba still standing, staring… like a prison guard watching you suffer inside your cell. 

Your temple was throbbing still, and as you brought your hand up to it you felt wetness, finding blood coating your entire hand. You were having trouble standing now, the dizziness making you struggle even more to keep your balance. 

“Tell me, Teddy!” It sounded like Bubba’s voice was a million miles away. 

As a wind came through and fanned the flames of the building even more, it hit you. You weren’t getting out of here alive. Your skin was burning so intensely you felt like screaming out in pain. You had minutes, seconds, even. There wasn’t any way Bubba was letting you out of this place. 

“We overdosed him, okay? We drugged the… the son of a bitch! Gave him more than… his heart could handle! Had to do it in a way that… that wasn’t visible to the naked eye. Okay? You happy? Now open… the goddamned door!!” You shoved at it again as the dizziness became overwhelming. You felt yourself slipping, coughing, gasping for the air that just wasn’t there. The blood was dripping from your head and onto your boots, creating tiny crimson puddles on the floor below you. 

Was this fuckin’ it? You found yourself laughing at the comedy of it all. The past five minutes were a series of events that you were unable to stop, because you had made sure that it wouldn’t be able to be stopped. You’d caught yourself in your own trap, a trap meant for someone else entirely. Suddenly the door shut all the way, cutting off your only line of oxygen supply. 

“No…NO!!!” you screamed as you hurled your weak fists against the door. Boom, boom, boom… you pounded as the flames began licking your skin with a burn so furious that you swore you might meet the devil himself. 

Suddenly you heard a crash from across the shop. Your blurry eyes peered through the thick smoke, seeing that the rafter that Ace was once suspended from had fallen to the ground, crashing onto the mess of burning items below it. Bright orange sparks were flying through the air where it fell, making for one hell of a scene.

“Fuck you, Ace! Fuck you for this!” you managed to yell at the back corner of the shop, watching as the merciless flames overtook everything in their wake. 

You were going to die in here. Were Jacob and the others even in the building? Had you accomplished what you’d set out to do? Did they feel the fire, or did they just inhale the smoke?

Of course they weren’t here. They’d beaten you at your own fucking game. You tilted your head back and laughed again, letting yourself succumb to the inferno. “You win, Jacob! You fucking win!” you howled, the laughs racking through your chest. You felt yourself back away from the door, stumbling hard as you fell to the ground. 

You felt your breathing begin to slow down, like your lungs were no longer begging for a breath of fresh air. You let the smoke fill them, and let the heat overtake your entire being. You laid back onto the dirty floor, staring up at the ceiling as you watched the bright fire roll through it. 

How did this happen… How did you get here…

The plan fell through… and now you’d never see the light of day again. Fuck them for this.

As you felt your chest start to cave in on itself, you let the fiery flames consume you, taking with them everything you’d ever been, and leaving behind nothing but dust. 

As your eyes began to tunnel out, you watched the door that was once your escape route fly open, casting a harsh beam of sunlight across your face. The old man had given you a way out, but you were already too far gone to take advantage of it. You were completely unable to move. 

The flames licked at your body as you began to let go. You felt the devil in the room with you, you could hear him whispering in your ear. You closed your eyes as your body lost its life, with the sinister song of the devil’s voice ringing vividly through your mind. 

“I caught you sleeping… I caught you sleeping…”

—

HER POV

As the five of you finally make it out onto the open road, you feel a sense of relief wash over you. The sun was up now, casting its warmth across the earth, and you finally let yourself feel the sense of freedom you knew Jake and Danny had been so heavily yearning for for more years than you cared to count. 

You grin as Jake pushes the 8-track into the slot and turns the volume knob, letting the familiar, sweet sounds of Nebraska ring through the speakers. Your heart swells as you think back on your stent back here in Joslyn. In such a short amount of time your life has changed completely. You’d felt every possible emotion, had more adventures than you ever imagined, found a new family and most importantly, the love of your life. Who would have thought that you would fall in love with the boy who fell from the tree?

You turn to look at him, just as he pulls something from his shirt pocket, fumbling around with the silver paper before offering his hand to you. A piece of cinnamon gum sits in his palm, a sugary sweet smile on his lips. “Baby?”

You take it from him, popping it into your mouth with a smile. “So, where exactly are we going?” you ask. 

He smiles and nods his head, reaching over you to roll down your window. “Well, wherever the wind takes us.” 

You smile, perfectly happy with that answer. You knew anywhere with him was better than any place without him. 

You look down at the coffee can of perfect yellow flowers sitting between your legs, and your book of beloved poems peeking out from your purse, and as Valor starts to pick up speed and your hair starts to blow in the wind, you realize that for the first time in your life you’re exactly where you were always meant to be. 

🍀

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[gretavanmoon]

Valor (Chapter 13)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 13.2k

Warnings: Cursin', Smokin', Drinkin'. Angst: Struggle and Poverty, Abandonment, Mental Distress, Confusion, Secrecy, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Death, Tormenting Thoughts, Mentions of Violence, Reckless Driving, Mentions of Weapons and Guns, Stress, Anxiety, Mentions of Family Issues, Cheating, Domestic Disputes, Mentions of Mental Illness, Mentions of Divorce, Physical Fighting, Blood, Threatening, Abandonment, Pregnancy, Mentions of Death, Bodily Injury, Heavy Angst, Allusions to Shady Activities, Police and Crime Investigation, Conspiracy, Mentions of Murder, Coercion, Drugs and Addiction, Usage of Drugs During Pregnancy, Big Emotions, Mention of Severe Weather, Mentions of Tornados, Crying, Fluff. Smut: Kissing.

Valor Playlist: Apple Music | Spotify

A project in collaboration with my talented co-writer and best friend, @gretavanmoon.

STELLA POV

LATE APRIL, 1975

You cleared away the smoke that had settled in the air from the pot of green beans you’d forgotten about on the stove, whipping your dish towel through the air toward the open window. 

“Dammit to hell!” you cried, wondering how in the world you’d managed to forget about yet another cooking meal. You tossed the charred beans into the trash can, and threw the blackened pot into the sink, defeat filling your entire being yet again. “Get it together, Stell.”

You tossed the dish rag over your shoulder as you collapsed into the singular chair in the kitchen of your apartment, letting your head fall into your hands as you imagined your whole kitchen going up in flames. 

Things weren’t the greatest. 

It’d been three months since you’d had a fix, and two months since you even felt the urge. Josh and Sam had wired you a few hundred dollars to help with the down payment on your new apartment, and for the first time in years, you felt good again. You felt clean. You’d managed to get a waitressing job at the breakfast diner down the street, but money was coming in a little more slowly than you thought it would. 

The apartment wasn’t much, but it beat the hell out of a few of the other places you’d wound up. This place actually had a working bathroom and a lock on the front door. 

Like an alarm clock to pull you from your imagination, the phone rang, loud and shrill. A quick glance at the clock told you it was nearing 8 o’clock at night. 

“Hello??” You answered in a huff. 

“Hey, Stell? It’s—it’s Maureen.”

“Maur…hey honey, it’s been a little bit. How are ya?” You pushed your bangs back off your forehead, the panic of finding your home full of smoke finally settling to the back of your mind. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine, hon. Hey, listen, are you sittin’ down?” She asked, her voice laced with concern. You knew that voice. Something was wrong. 

“Yeah, why? Maureen, what’s wrong?” 

“Honey, I—I got some bad news. I just found out that Ace passed. Couple days ago.”

As you struggled to comprehend what she’d just said, your world seemed to stop. Everything around you fell black. The air, stolen straight from your lungs…and the tight wrench in your gut almost doubled you over. 

“Stella, honey, you hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah…I—how’d you find out?” You managed to choke out, the words not even sounding like English. 

“I read it in the newspaper just a bit ago, saw it in the obituaries. Stell honey, they…they ruled it as a suicide.” 

At her words, every bone in your body felt like shattering glass, snapping and breaking into millions of pieces as you fought to hold yourself up, keep yourself from succumbing to the floor and everything beneath it. 

“No…no…” you cried, the phone slipping from your hand and bouncing across the floor. You crumbled in the chair, the tears finally prickling their way into the corners of your eyes. “No!!!” You cried again, inching from the chair and onto the laminate of the floor. After a few minutes of blurry, gutted, carnal cries of disbelief, you pulled yourself together enough to bring the phone back to your ear, Maureen calling for you still on the other end. 

“Stella! Honey, please, please talk to me! I’m right here! Can I come to you? Do you want me to come?”

“No, no…Maur. I—I just need to get myself together.” You choked through cries. 

“I can be on the next flight out, tomorrow…Stell. If you need me.” 

You rubbed the back of your hand under your dripping nose, clambering to your knees and leaning your forehead on the table. “Stay home, Maureen. You don’t need to come here. Hell, I ain’t seen the man in 18 years.” You whispered, finally catching your breath. 

“I know you haven’t, honey, but…you were still married to him, had his babies…he was your everything, once.” Maureen went on. 

“I know. I know he was, but that ended a long time ago, didn’t it? I ruined my own life beyond belief, didn’t I?” You responded, punching your fist to your forehead. 

“Where are the boys, Stella?” She asked, her voice stern, now. 

“They’re…they’re still in North Carolina, Sammy’s with Josh. Josh wouldn’t…wouldn’t let him come stay with me till I was clean six months. They’re finishin’ up school. Josh’s workin’.” You stood to your feet as you talked, your body still feeling like it had been run over as you found the chair once again. “It’s their birthday, Maureen! Did Ace do this on Jacob’s birthday?!” You cried, the realization hitting you. 

“You gotta tell ‘em, Stell, okay? They gotta know soon.” Maureen said quietly. 

“I know, damnit I know.” 

There wasn’t an atom in your body that didn’t regret the decision you made those 18 years ago. High out of your mind, screaming at Ace with him screaming back, two crying babies with hungry bellies and dirty faces needing nothing but you, and you unable to care for them. You snapped. In the worst way possible. And once that decision was made, you never turned back. And the regret ate at you every second of every day. How could you have been such a horrid person?

“I just sent Jacob his 18th birthday letter a few days ago…” you barely whispered into the phone. 

You wondered why he has never written back to you, but you didn’t blame him in the least for not doing so. He probably resented everything about you. Hated you. He had to. Ace too…

The nightmares plagued you of the night you left, hearing their cries while being so sick from your new pregnancy and from the hard addiction you’d found yourself in. You shouldn’t have even been driving. Much of that night was a blur, now. 

“Stell, you gonna be alright, honey?” You heard your best friend’s sweet voice on the other end of the phone, still. 

You gathered yourself, took a deep breath, and plopped back down in the chair. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Thank you for callin’ me, honey.”

“Stay in tonight, okay? Don’t go out roamin’ the streets, you hear me?” Maureen begged you, knowing all too well the triggers that set off your cravings. 

“I ain’t. I’m gonna. Gonna take a bath. I’ll call the boys in the mornin’.” you admitted, already grabbing your keys to hit the street. 

“Alright, sweetie. I love you, okay?” Maureen promised. 

“I love you, too honey.” You assured her as you hung the telephone on the receiver, knowing for a fact you wouldn’t make it through the night without some help. The hunger that ravished your stomach was going to be fed by something else, tonight. 

But just tonight, just enough to get you through…

Just this once…

—

JAKE POV

JUNE, 1982

As you read the words on the envelope, they almost didn’t seem real. Your mind was spinning as violently as the tornado above your head. Questions of how, why, and what if? You were spiraling as you looked at her handwriting, you’d always wondered what it looked like, and now here it was.

‘To my Jacob 

Love, your Momma.’

All this time? She’d written to you? Why had he never told you?

You could feel everyone's eyes on you, staring you down, waiting to see what was inside that letter, but as you heard the crashing above you, you were snapped back to reality. You quickly pocketed the letter, promising yourself you’d read it later, and letting out a deep breath. 

“Sam, close that fucking thing so nothing else flies out!” You shout, watching him struggle with the latches in the non existent light. The cellar doors rattle as the tornado begins to move past the shop, dirt and debris flying through the cracks of the door and into the cellar, forcing all of you to close your eyes. The wind became louder, the sound deafening all of you as it ripped through the shop overhead.

You force your eyes open to check on Y/N, watching as she continues to hold Bubba’s hand, as they sit on the ground together. After a few miserable and terrifying seconds, the pressure in your ears starts to return to normal, and the sound of the wind has tapered off significantly. 

“Is it over?” Josh asks, his voice a little panicked. 

“It’s passed.” Bubba answers, moving to stand and helping Y/N up. “We’re lucky this time, but I’ll be anxious to see what’s awaitin’ us out there.”

You and Daniel immediately move towards the doors, ready to see how the shop fared, but Bubba stops you. 

“You gotta wait a minute, son. Let the trash and debris settle so you don’t get knocked out by somethin’ falling from the sky.” he says, tipping his head towards you. You both know he's right and decide to wait a few extra minutes. 

You reach out towards Josh, offering him a hand to stand up, and as he takes it you can feel that spark deep inside of you, and with the way his face contorts, you know he feels it too. You push the feeling away, and turn to do the same for Sam.

“Should be good now, fellas.” Bubba says, dusting off his jeans. “Just be careful openin’ up them doors.”

Danny pulls the wooden board from the doors, tossing it to the ground and pushing open the old cellar doors. You both hesitantly climb the steps, and what you find renders you nearly speechless. There is a light mist of rain still falling, the trees are barren, the leaves ripped from every limb. Or what's left of them. Massive trees snapped in two, twisted around as if made of delicate ribbon. A path of fresh dirt has been unearthed where the tornado made its path, not too far from the main road, crossing right through the property, and sparing the shop by only a couple hundred yards. 

Everyone joins you as Daniel shuts the cellar doors, taking in the gruesome sight. As you turn around to face the shop, you’re relieved to find that it fared far better than expected. From where you stand a few missing sheets of metal are gone from the roof and the cars in the lot are suffering from some pretty bad hail damage. Tree limbs, dirt and leaves cover nearly every surface of the building, windows, cars, you name it. 

You know this could have been significantly worse, and part of you wonders if it wasn’t Ace himself that protected you all from what could have been a disaster. “S’not bad.” you say, turning to look at Bubba, who is doing his own survey of the damage. 

“No, looks like some roof damage, and the cars in your lot are gonna need some new windshields, but overall this ain’t too bad for this old buildin’.” he says, looking at you and then to Daniel. “You boys are lucky. I fear others may not have done too well.” 

Before you can reply, a look of panic washes over him. “My god, I have ta go! I have to get down to the diner! Geraldine!” 

“I’m sure she is okay, Bub. She will be fine. You go check on her though, okay? We’ve got this.” Y/N says, rubbing her hand across his shoulders as she walks with him towards his truck. He pulls a few errant tree limbs from around his tires, tossing them into a pile before sliding into his truck. “I’ll be back, boys.”

You give him a nod as he maneuvers around the fallen trees and debris, and you pray to god that Geraldine is in that walk-in freezer. 

Turning back to Josh and Sam, you can see that the both of them are clearly shaken up by everything, and you’re pretty sure that this was their first tornado. Do they even have those in Florida?

“We’re fine now. It’s okay.” you urge, walking towards them. You place your hand on Sam’s shoulder, and you can tell this surprises him. He looks down at your hand and his eyes flick up to yours as you offer him a small smile. “Promise we’re good now. Just gotta clean up, and we’re probably gonna be without power for a little bit.”

“I’m gonna go take a look at the back!” Danny shouts, walking around to the other side of the shop. You know you need to join him, but right now, your heart is telling you to stay right here with them. 

“What if there’s another one or something?” Josh asks, looking around at the damage. 

“Don’t think so. Check out the sky over there. It’s cleared up.” You say, pointing into the distance. He turns to look at you, and in your head you can almost hear him say that he trusts you. You can feel it. 

With a deep breath he claps his hands, rubbing them together quickly. “Okay, so where should we start?”

—

The five of you work quickly trying to gather up the larger limbs and debris, clearing the lot so it was safe to drive again. You watched as Daniel, Josh and Sam moved a piece of twisted sheet metal as you and Y/N gathered up limbs and trash. 

“Jake…” she says, walking over towards you. 

“You okay, baby?” you ask, realizing you hadn’t really talked to her one on one all day. 

“Yeah, I’m– I’m fine. Hey, I need to talk to you about something.” she says, stopping to lean on the side of your truck. 

You feel a bit uneasy as you try to get a read on her expression, “What’s wrong? What is it?”

“Well, while you guys were gone, I was in the shop with Bubba and the phone rang.” she pauses, “Lucienda called.”

“Lucienda?” Sam’s voice startles both of you as he sneaks up behind you. You turn to face him, as Y/N answers. 

“Yes! She called while you were gone.”

“Lucienda? Called you? Here? Personally?” he asks, completely flabbergasted.

“Yes?” Y/N replies, cocking her head to the side.

“Oh my god, what did– what did she say? Holy shit.” Sam questions, motioning for Josh to come over.

“I mean, honestly not a whole lot. She said that Hector and Oz are out of jail on bond, and they are gonna be fine but will have to lay low for a little while. That in the meantime she will be runnin’ things, and that we should wait to hear from her before we do anything. She asked if we got our payment for Miami, and I told her that you delivered it. She really didn’t say much else. Said to keep our heads low, and wait to hear from her.”

“Oh my god, she– she never comes out of hiding like that, Y/N. The fact that she called you personally…She must really trust you.” Sam adds. 

“I mean, I guess? I’m glad that Oz and Hector are out of jail, can’t even begin to imagine how much that cost and how it all went down.” she added, turning as you hear Danny approaching the four of you.

“Jake, come take a look at this.” he says, a little winded and sweaty.

You nod and follow him into the shop hearing the others trailing behind you. It’s dark and wet in the bay, natural light pouring in through the missing roof panels.

“You see that?” he asks, pointing to the backside of the bay. Several sheets of metal are gone, leaving the back half of the garage exposed to the elements. “Shits gone.”

“We need to find a way up there, at least tarp it off or somethin’.” you say, rubbing your fingers over your chin. 

“I checked everything out, shit got soaked but doesn’t look like anything is damaged. A fuckin’ miracle we pulled V in a little closer last night, would have been right fuckin’ there, man... Their camper has some hail damage, but I don’t think it’s bad.” he says, leaning back on the metal frame of the building. 

“Do you have tarps?” Josh asks, turning his gaze up to the ceiling. 

“Might, somewhere. Hell if I know…” Danny answers, “I’ll go look.”

You watch as Josh starts to look around a little more, making his way up the stairs to the office with Sam not too far behind. You and Y/N follow them, stopping short as Josh turns to look at you. 

“Wait, Jake, is this–”

“Yeah, um… Right there.” you answer, pointing to the rafter you’ve come to despise. He and Sam both look at it, walking around the small lofted office, their minds working overtime. 

Suddenly, Sam stops, looking at Josh, then to Y/N, and then finally at you. He bites his lips together, and lets out a deep breath as he shakes his head. “You know, now that I look at it…Really, really look at it…There’s absolutely no way he got up there on his own.”

—

ACE POV

APRIL 22, 1975

“Son of a bitch…” you grit your teeth as your fingers gripped at nothing at the bottom of your bag of Beech Nut tobacco. You’d picked up chewing again, after so many years of the on again, off again relationship with it. Cigarettes were fine, sure, but there was nothing like the flavor of the spicy sweet tobacco filling your mouth, and temporarily taking away all your worries. 

You dashed back into the dark shop, tearing open tool drawers and cabinets, looking for a stray pack of smokes that you just know you accidentally had hidden from yourself. When you came up empty-handed, you knew that the cravings were only going to get worse. And you had a long night of work ahead of you. 

Just as you decided on another vice of a few shots of single-barrel whiskey from the bottle high on the old dusty shelf, Danny and Jake came bounding through the kitchen. 

“Where the hell are you two goin’?” you growled at them, noticing that they were on their way out. 

Danny scoffed as Jake ripped the bottle from your hand. “Daniel’s takin’ me out for my birthday. Gonna go see what kind of hell we can raise. You shouldn’t wait up for us.” he spat, tilting up the bottle to his mouth. Just like him, to challenge you. And it had only gotten worse as he got older. The kid was smart, worked his ass off, but you could tell he was a spitfire from the way he was becoming more and more hard headed with every passing day. And he was teaching Danny his ways as he went. Wasn’t much you could say, though. He was the spitting image of you when you were his age. 

“Yeah, ‘m’gonna take him to celebrate. Ya know, cause that’s not somethin’ we really do much around here.” Daniel quipped back. “Have some fun, do somethin’ other than fuckin’ work all the goddamned time.” 

Oh, so they wanna get an attitude. 

“You watch that tone with me, Daniel. I can knock you clear to Sundy if you don’t clip that tongue right fuckin’ now, you hear me?” you leaned down across the table and threw your pointer finger in Danny’s face. He was still boyish, but you wouldn’t be able to tell his age if you didn’t know him. At only fifteen, he almost towered over you height-wise, and had already begun to bulk up in his shoulders. All he did was raise an eyebrow as he looked down his nose at you. If someone had told you you’d be raising two rowdy terrors of teenage boys on your own, you’d have never believed them. Not in a million years. 

“Now boys, yall’ve been out damn near every single night this week! Why don’t you stay close by where I can keep an eye on ya? Huh?” you began to raise your voice. “Plus we got backed up as all get out today. I need ya’ll’s help finishin’ up.”

Jake slammed the bottle on the table. “It’s the fuckin’ weekend, Ace! Ain’t nobody comin’ to pick up their vehicles on a Sunday!” his voice raised. “And since fuckin’ when do you care where the hell we are?!” 

By now you were seething, ready to knock the teeth out of Jake’s head. The three shots of whiskey were seeping into your system, making your rage burn even more. You quickly rounded the table, pressing your forearm against Jake’s chest, pressing him up against the wall. 

“It’d be best if you BOTH watch your fuckin’ tones, you understand me?!” you yelled into Jake’s face. “This is my house, my business, and you live under my roof, so until you go off and decide that you can fend for your own goddamned selves, you’re to follow my rules!!” you let your elbow press hard into his chest one last time before releasing the pressure, and watching him finally take a breath. 

They both stood, watching you in your half-drunken stupor, still yet completely unafraid of your rampage. They’d grown used to it. You ripped the bottle off the table again, taking a long swig from the head. 

“Did you quit chewin’ again? Or are you really just this pissed off?” Jake asked, his voice laced with the tiniest bit of sincerity. 

You turned in defeat, gripping the empty bag of tobacco from your back pocket and tossing it onto the table. “Can’t afford smokes, can’t afford ‘bacca…” you complained, taking a seat in the old ratted metal chair. You’d been thinking on it awhile, but now seemed like a better time than ever to break your next idea to them both. “Brings me to my next order a’ business, I’ve decided to open up on weekends.”

“What?!” they both complained in unison. “Are you kidding, me, Ace? Why??”

“Because, Jacob, we’re barely makin’ ends meet as it is! Bills is pilin’ up faster than I can even keep track of, and we’re only breakin’ even with repairs and fixins. Even with the help of you two, we still ain’t makin’ it, boys…” your voice trailed off as you brought your hand to your mouth, unable to make eye contact with either of them. “Plus, I ain’t paid Teddy in almost a month.”

“Fuck Teddy!” Jake yelled. “That sorry son of a bitch is gonna drain you dry if you don’t tell him to fuckin’ shove it soon, Ace.”

“You think I don’t know that, son?” you argued.

“What the hell are you even payin’ him for, anyway? Huh? Did he let you borrow that much cash?!” he inquired, still yet not knowing the real reason you owed Teddy so much money. 

“Yeah.” you lied. “Got me out of some tight places over the years.”

“Then tell him we’re sinking! Tell him you can’t do it anymore! We’ll find another way!” Jake tried to reason as you shook your head side to side. 

“There ain’t another way, boy.” you ran your tongue over your teeth, silently cursing Stella for being the sole reason you owed Teddy anything at all. 

What Jake and Daniel didn’t know was that when things had started to get bad, back when the boys were still growing in Stella’s belly, the two of you had hit absolute rock bottom. Your once beautiful relationship that was full of constant admiration and blossoming love took a turn, suddenly morphing into a partnership that was everything but. Resentment, disagreements, lying, and even hatred. Neither of you could stand the sight of each other. You’d go weeks at a time without even a word spoken other than what was necessary to run your business. You’d go to church alone each and every week, sometimes twice a week, begging the heavens above to help you, guide you, support you and your family, but you knew your demons had creeped their way into your lives and intertwined themselves with both of your deepest, darkest selves.

Each week, you’d see her belly grow more and more with the two things that should be bringing the two of you back together in the most endearing and human ways, only to be brought back down to earth when you’d notice she’d started using again. 

You tried. You tried like hell to talk to her. Tell her it wasn’t safe for her or the babies. That you ordered her to quit, you couldn’t afford it, anyway, let alone support her doing it in any way whatsoever. The arguments were always terrifying, ugly, and one-sided. You even offered to find her some help, send her to a facility that could help her stop her cravings and addiction once and for all.

“It’s just an occasional bump, Anicet. God, it’s perfectly fine…” she’d argue. 

“Please, Stella, for the babies… just. Stop…”

“Leave me alone! You don’t love me anymore, why should I listen to you?”

Lo and behold, by the grace of God himself, both those babies were born happy and healthy. She was a good mama, for the most part, right there at the beginning. Kept them fed on what little supplies the folks at the church had donated to you. But those supplies quickly ran out, and the boys started to get bigger, and hungrier…and more and more of her attention was necessary.

By the time the boys were starting to put their little words together, toddling around the shop and getting their teeth, you and Stella had become okay again. Not great, but okay. The romance didn’t return like it once had, but your toleration of one another grew just a bit. Looking back, it was probably out of pure necessity, rather than love returning.

And that was when you learned she was pregnant again.

You’d stopped giving her money long before you realized she’d gotten bad on the drugs again, so when you finally realized she was coming home from her “outings” looking less than like her normal self, the fighting started up again. 

“Don’t tell me you’re on the shit again, Stell! How are you gettin’ it?! Where are you goin’?!” you’d approach her with a baby in each arm, covered in the grease and sweat you didn’t have time to shower off from your workday. 

“Ain’t none of your fuckin’ business…”

“Yes it is my damned business, you’re my wife and these is my kids you’re feedin’... tell me where in the hell you’re goin’! Right now!”

You could still hear their cries from their shared crib, the both of them holding onto one another when they’d hear your voice rise.

“Teddy’s, alright? Shit, Ace. I get it from Teddy. I’ve been gettin’ it from Teddy, all this time…”

You remember the hole that you felt form straight through your chest at her words, feeling the most betrayed you’d ever felt in your entire life thus far. Your sworn enemy, simply for the fact that you were the one who stole his beloved Stella away from him. He’d always hated you, and probably always would. And now, he was the one supplying her with the worst possible cure to exist. 

“Stell… how are you affordin’...”

“Don’t go on ‘bout that, Ace. I told you, it ain’t none of your business…”

“I ain’t gave you any money, Stella… are you… please don’t tell me you’re…”

“The fucks it matter to you, huh? Me and you ain’t been happy in months…years, even…”

“We ain’t been happy, but we been makin’ it! Stella, please, don’t tell me…Teddy, that son of a bitch…”

“Now don’t be blamin’ him, Ace…”

“Don’t blame him… don’t blame him?! Stella, you’re having us another baby…and he thinks this is okay?! I’m goin’ to find him… I’m sick of this shit…hell, is that baby even mine?!”

“Don’t you walk out that door, Ace. Or I swear to god…”

“What, Stell?! You’ll what? What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll leave. I’ll be the one to leave you hangin’ for once.”

“You wouldn’t. You couldn’t make it on your own.”

“Fuckin’ watch me.”

All of that was just a memory now, as you stood and avoided eye contact with Jake and Danny, knowing that you simply couldn’t tell them that you were essentially reimbursing Teddy for all of the fixes that Stella never paid for. 

Jake ran his hands over his face. “You’re sure, Ace? Cause the last thing I wanna do is work my fuckin’ weekends away. Daniel, too. I mean shit, he has football two-a-days startin’ this summ–”

“It’s the only way we can make it work, Jacob. Now I’m sorry I’m takin’ your time boys, but this is what we gotta do. Okay? We ain’t got another choice…” you cracked your neck sideways as you nipped the bottle again. You felt bad. You truly did. But you’d never let them see through your tough exterior. And it was almost the kid’s birthday, for god’s sake. 

But you felt the cold creeping in. And it was the dead of Spring. But this cold wasn’t the temperature. The paranoia had overtaken you. The stress, the anxiety, the constant worry… and Teddy was closing in. Badgering you, harassing you. Wanting your money, wanting your time. It was like you were his puppet…anything he wanted, any time he wanted it, you had better provide. Why did you feel like you had to appease him? Why didn’t you retaliate when you could?

But the answer was clear: These two boys standing in front of you. 

You couldn’t risk what retaliation could end up doing to you, your business, and Jake and Danny. It was all you had. And his threats were becoming more and more intense, more detailed, more real…

Jake sighed hard. “This is fuckin’ bullshit, Ace. I hope you know that.” His voice was calm and level, and you envied his ability to turn his rage on and off. Danny’s presence was the only thing you’d ever seen be able to bring him out of it. Just like Stella’s presence used to do for you…

“I know it’s bullshit, kid. But life ain’t always sunshine and rainbows.” you replied with a hollow voice. 

“Let’s go, Jake. We’re burnin’ moonlight…” Danny said with a hand to Jake’s chest, pulling him toward the door. You’d lost all energy to argue with them any more.

The two of them quietly made their way toward the door, leaving you to sit in the kitchen alone. “Back before 2am, you understand?” you called, defeatedly, before you heard Jake making his way back into the kitchen behind you.

“Here.” he said, throwing half a pack of Lucky Strikes onto the table in front of you. “Looks like you need ‘em more than I do.”

The kitchen door was swinging open as he left again. “Jacob…”

“What?” he said blankly. 

“Happy birthday, son.”

—

The smokes were enough to calm your nerves for the most part, but they weren’t nearly enough to make all the demons go away. You were hard at work out in front of the shop, ticking away at the fuel pump of a Dodge. The moon was full, and it provided you with the extra light you needed that your old flashlight just couldn’t give you.

Like an ominous howl, you heard a set of dual exhausts flying up the hill toward the shop.

Teddy. Come to harass you some more…

As his truck rounded the old wooden fence and pulled into the lot, you took the last few drags of your cigarette before tossing it to the ground. “Here fuckin’ goes…” you mumbled to yourself. You stuffed your hands in your pockets as the truck approached, clicking at the switchblade hidden deep in your right pocket. 

“Well well well, if it ain’t the Ace of Spades workin’ night shift.” Teddy leaned out the driver’s side window of his beat-up diesel. “Why you up so late, buddy boy hmmm? Ain’t it past your bedtime?” you rolled your eyes at Teddy’s incessant need to act like a fourth grader.

“Somebody’s gotta keep the lights on.” you shrugged, trying to seem unbothered. “Why are you on my property, Teddy?” you glanced further into the truck, seeing that he had a passenger plus two more guys in the rusty bed of the truck. All of them, radiating with the scent of corn liquor. 

“Just thought we’d cruise by an’ see if you wanted to go for a lil joyride…” he slurred, pretending to pick at his fingernails. 

“I ain’t gettin’ in that truck with your drunk ass, Fridge. Law’s out heavy on Saturday nights.” you argued, spitting to the ground in front of you. 

Teddy threw his head back and laughed. “You think I care about the law, Ace? Gimmie a fuckin’ break…” the audacity he had in the idea that he was above the law made you sick. But in all reality, it was true. He had each and every police officer in Joslyn and surrounding towns in the palm of his hand. All because he had one hell of a hook up. Crooked motherfuckers.

You shrugged again, clicking your blade. “Still ain’t gettin’ in the truck.” You turned, burying yourself deep under the hood of the truck again to resume your work. 

Teddy’s buddies laughed as he cleared his throat. “Ace. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll get in this fucking truck, right now.” Teddy’s voice was deep and commanding as it floated across the air, threatening you with everything it had in it. 

You knew what would happen if you didn’t. You knew he would find another way to make your life a living hell, just like he always did. It was like an unbreakable cycle, and somehow, even in Stella’s absence, you were the one to take the brunt of it all. 

You stood and slammed the hood of the truck closed, pulling the sleeves of your coveralls down to tie at your waist. Reluctantly, you rounded the front of the truck as his passenger stepped out, letting you have the front seat as he jumped into the bed. 

“Ha ha ha, that’s what I thought, little Anicet.” Teddy sang. 

You slammed the door closed behind you as you sat in the front seat, clenching your jaw as you stared out the windshield. 

“Don’t look so excited to be here, man!” Teddy slapped his giant hand across your back. “We just wanted your company while we shot some pool at Canaries…”

Teddy pulled out of the driveway and started back down the hill, his buddies standing in the back passing a jar of moonshine back and forth as they pounded their fists on the roof of the truck above you. 

You silently prayed that Jake hadn’t snuck Daniel into Canaries, or that you didn’t pass them somewhere along the way. As Teddy silently drove down the pothole-covered roads, your mind was racing, right along with your heart. Something didn’t feel right. Something felt heavy. 

“Wait, I thought we were goin’ to Canaries, why you passin’ it?” you asked Teddy, realizing that wasn’t where you were headed at all. 

“Ah, relax. Maybeeeee we’ll take some backroads instead, hm? Sounds like more fun than that crowded ass bar.” he was slurring again, pulling from a flask he had in his shirt pocket. Suddenly your mouth was dry, and you started to feel your instincts kick into overdrive. Where are they taking you?

Though Teddy was highly intoxicated, he managed to navigate the curvy roads with ease. The tree cover became heavier and heavier as he neared the county line, driving further and further into the darkness. 

“Heard it’s your boy's 18th birthday tomorrow, is it?” Teddy yelled over the blasting radio. 

You nodded quickly. “Yep.”

“Shoot, do they grow up fast. Wonder how his brother is doin’? How do you think he’s celebratin’ tonight?” Teddy pushed, knowing that that subject wasn’t one you ever touched on. 

Your silence told Teddy all he needed to know. “Shit, Ace. I can’t believe you ain’t never told that boy he has a twin. And another sibling, at that!” his laugh rang through the cab of the truck again. You could feel your blood boiling, and if it weren’t for the rolled-down windows, you were sure your skin would have been on fire. “Imagine livin’ your whole life not knowin’ about your siblings…tsk.”

He shook his head. “Don’t you worry, Ace. I wonn’ever tell ‘em. Scout’s honor.” It was honestly surprising that Teddy hadn’t ever told Jake in the heat of some of the arguments he’d seen the two of you in. Maybe he was waiting for the right moment… maybe he did have the tiniest bit of respect for Stella, still…

It was taking everything in you not to haul off and do something drastic to the man that ruined your life. But you’d found yourself buried too deep. He had too much on you, too much power over you. Hell, you weren’t innocent in life, either. Teddy could very easily have you thrown in jail for reasons unrelated, and it was risking too much leaving Jake and Danny alone. You’d never do that. Though your life was nearly unlivable, you’d never leave those boys. You loved them too much. 

“So when Jake turns 18 tomorrow, he isn’t gonna need you anymore, is he?” Teddy spoke, almost quietly. 

What?

You turned to look him in the eye as he nipped from his flask again. 

“Yeah, he’ll be a grown man. Able to go out on his own, start his own business, raise his own family, he won’t need you any more, for anything.” Teddy blinked a few times as he watched the road. “Probly run away from you and that shitty place, take Daniel with him… leave you to rot alone.” 

“Shut your fuckin’ mouth, Teddy.” was all you could manage as you tried to tune him out. 

“Hah, your spittin’ image, able to make ‘is own decisions, now. Hell, without you in the picture, maybe I’d be able to get my money a little quicker…” 

What the fuck is he insinuating?

“What the hell are you on about, Teddy? Can you shut the fuck up and take me home?” you urged, getting more and more mad by the second. 

“Yeah, yeah…it’s all makin’ sense now… Jacob won’t need you. That little fuckin’...pest…” Teddy was spitting as he spoke. 

“Leave my son’s name out of your mouth!” you yelled. “He has nothin’ to do with our dealings.”

“Ooohhohoh… but he does, Ace. You seem to forget that Stella was mine first, don’t you? Then you came along and gave her absolutely fuckin’ nothing except those damn kids…”

You shook your head with rage, gripping your fists together. “I swear to god, if you don’t keep my family’s name out of your fucking jaws…”

“Your family?! Stella left you, Ace. She ain’t your family! Hell, you know you’re still payin’ me back for every bit I supplied her with, right? Shit… she came runnin’ to me all the time. Lookin’ for her fix. And someone to climb in bed with and treat her better than you coul–”

You couldn’t take it anymore. Your hand flew up and open-face smacked teddy right across the mouth. He swerved a little, trying to regain his composure on the road as you awaited his retaliation. “Pull this son of a bitch over right now Teddy! I’m not fuckin’ playin’!” you yelled, anger flaming through your body, making you blind to anything and everything around you. 

Instead of pulling over, Teddy laughed. He fucking laughed. He was like a snake that lived in the pits of hell, spitting and slurring his venom all over everything he saw fit. Not caring one bit about who he hurt, and determined to make every word he said sting like the crack of a whip. 

“Damn, Ace. Struck a nerve, did I?” he continued bellowing his loud laugh, not paying a bit of attention to you about to jump out of your skin in his passenger seat. He was taunting you.

“Take. Me. The fuck. Home.” you demanded. 

Teddy hissed through his teeth. “Mmm, not quite yet, Anicet. Not quite yet…”

He was quiet for a second as he realized the song that was playing on the radio. “Oh hells bells, boys! Listen here! Freebird!” He turned the volume up as high as it would go as the song filled the cab, causing his buddies in the bed to pound on the roof again. 

You sat in your infuriated and nearly hysterical state, trying to calm your breathing as you replayed everything Teddy had just said over and over in your head. He ruined your life. He is ruining your life. You’d never leave Jake to fend for himself with this…

“Lorddddd I can’t chaaaange…” Teddy screamed along with the song. “Yeah, Ace, you’ll no longer have a teenager for a son tomorrow. Your time’s sure runnin’ out, ain’t it?”

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?” you seethed. 

“Your time. It’s…runnin’ out.” He flipped his flask back again, giving you a look from the sides of his eyes. 

You couldn’t take it anymore. You had to get out of this goddamned truck. You quickly reached in your pocket, gripping the blade in your right hand and leaning over the bench seat, holding the open blade directly to Teddy’s neck. You pressed it in enough to let him know you were there. “Turn this fuckin’ truck around right now or I swear I’ll slit your throat.” you threatened, confidently saying the words, not caring for the outcome. You were absolutely blind with rage  and finished with him ruining your life. 

Teddy swallowed, obviously taken aback a bit from your display. Instead of slowing the truck down, though, he picked up speed. His hand reached down for the gear shift, sending the truck faster and faster down the straight stretch of road that stopped at a dead end. 

Faster and faster the truck flew down the road, the trees beside you a blur now. You sat back in your spot as the men behind you yelped and hollered. The music seemed to get louder and louder as you picked up speed. “Teddy! Slow down! What the fuck–”

He didn’t stop. He didn’t slow down… 

You were headed right for a cluster of trees, their trunks wide and thick. They got closer…and closer. “Teddy! Stop!” you begged, the feeling of going well over a hundred miles per hour heavy in your stomach and lungs. “Teddy!!!!” you were screaming now, your hands rushing and grabbing onto the roof and handles above you, your body preparing itself for impact to fly straight into the trees. 

He was really going to do it…

Just like you’d always read… what happens before one experiences death, your life flashed before your eyes. Jake, Danny, Bubba, Stella… their faces happy and smiling just as you remembered them… baby Joshua…taking his first steps toward your open arms…the baby you never got to meet kicking your hand while still in Stella’s belly…

I love you… I love you all…

Your heart was pumping, the sound of the guitar heavy in your ears as your breathing picked up. 

Fuck, fuck…this is it…it’s all over…

And at the last possible fleeting second, Teddy stood on the brakes, bringing the truck to a screeching, halting stop, sending the five of you forward as the truck slid sideways to a complete stop. 

After a few seconds of everyone catching their breath, the men above you erupted into yelps of laughter and howls, obviously too intoxicated to have even noticed what just happened. Teddy almost killed all of you.

“Are you fuckin’ insane?!” you yelled at Teddy, clambering for the door handle. But before you could grab it and make your escape, he shifted into reverse, hauling the truck backward and spinning the tires as he took off back down the road the same way you’d come. 

Your breathing finally started to even out as Teddy nonchalantly made his way back down the road at a reasonable speed. You reached into your pocket, pulling out your cigs and zippo, igniting one to life to calm your nerves. 

“You alright over there, ol’ boy?!” Teddy laughed as he slapped his hand hard on your shoulder. 

You inhaled the smoke, letting it sit in your lungs as the feelling in the pit of your stomach slowly dissipated. “No, not fuckin’ really, you insane son of a bitch.” you barked. 

“Long as you didn’t piss your pants in my truck, think we’ll be okay.” Teddy laughed again, like nothing at all had just happened. Like he did that all the time. Like he flirted with death for sport. 

Finally you were pulling back into the shop parking lot, and you couldn’t get out of the truck fast enough. Luckily you’d remembered to pick up your switchblade that you’d dropped in the floor during the chaos. 

“Don’t you fuckin’ forget what I said, Anicet.” Teddy said out the window as you made your way back inside the shop. “Your time…it’s running out…”

—

As you laid in bed that night, surrounded by the sound of your box fan in the window and the spring peepers outside, you couldn’t help but feel like Teddy’s last words to you tonight were more of a threat than anything he’d ever said to you. Of all the times he’d talked his shit, blown smoke up your ass… tonight felt, different. It felt real. Your nerves were burning in your body, and your heart hadn’t stopped beating hard since you stepped foot back into the shop. 

Jake won’t need you anymore… no one will need you anymore…

It was almost as if Teddy was giving you his final warning. The hate that ran through his veins was becoming more and more concentrated, the power and carelessness he had for anyone but himself growing by the second. And he knew it, too. 

You ruined his life, and now he was determined to ruin yours, once and for all. 

You debated on going and looking for Jake and Danny, but you knew it would be of no use. It was nearing 1am now, anyway, and if they knew what was good for them, they would be walking back into the house before the clock could even think about striking 2. 

Was Teddy really going to do it? Would he be that stupid? Half of you said no, he wouldn’t come back and do the unthinkable. The other half, well… you wouldn’t put it past him. Especially after what you experienced tonight. 

The feeling that had come over you in the past couple hours was one that you couldn’t explain. It was like a premonition, a higher power telling you to look out for yourself, that maybe, tomorrow wouldn’t come for you. It was a nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that made you fearful to fall asleep. 

So, as the alcohol made its way out of your body and your mind earned itself a bit of clarity, you pulled the sheets off of your bed, throwing them into the laundry room and grabbing a fresh set from the cabinet. You threw on a pair of jeans and grabbed a few clothespins. You walked out back to the line, hanging the clean sheets to reclaim the air they so needed to smell fresh again. Daniel would want somewhere clean to sleep that wasn’t the second mattress on Jake’s bedroom floor. 

You trudged up the stairs to your desk, bringing the remaining Lucky Strikes and your zippo along with you. You pulled the string to illuminate the light above you, and your shaking hands  opened your safe, pulling out the tiny envelope and letter that you had pulled from the mailbox just this morning. Another note to Jake, from Stella. You’d been collecting them since his 5th birthday, when she sent the first one. You didn’t know what to think, what to believe during that period of time. You were still in absolute shock that she had even made contact, so, you opened it. She had told him about Josh, and about Sam. Said she was saving up money to come and visit him, let him meet his brothers. But, of course, in true Stella fashion, she never showed up.

So you kept the letters, hiding them away in a safety deposit box from Jake to save him more heartbreak than the kid was already dealing with on a daily basis. You couldn’t let him find out, you never would. You’d made Bubba promise not to tell him, either. It would only bring him strife. 

This letter, though. The one for his 18th birthday. You’d hide it somewhere else, tucked away in the deepest recesses of your desk. He’d find it one day…

You pulled out some old lined paper you used to write on when making notes on problems with cars. The paper was filthy, and you were glad you’d made a point to wash your hands when you got home, not being able to stand the feeling of having grease-caked palms as you attempted to fall asleep. 

You gripped your trusty felt tip pen, and began going to work. You let your thoughts flow freely across the page as you wrote to him, your Jake. Everything that popped in your head, everything about Joslyn, about your Stella and how you met her…and how your once bright and shiny future had turned into a horrible and terrible place to inhabit. You admitted to him that yes, you had once partaken in the horrible things that essentially sent his Momma away, but the dark cloud had fallen over her, and didn’t let her get back up. 

You apologized. You told him how sorry you were for letting things come to this. If Teddy were to return tonight, you wouldn’t let it be without you telling Jake exactly how you felt. How much you loved him, and Danny too. You made it clear that Valor would be his, and it was now his responsibility to make her run again. The kid would be able to do it. It might take him some time, but he would figure it out. 

A few times, while writing, you wondered if you were being fucking crazy, if you were doing this out of pure fear rather than concrete suspicion. To err on the side of caution, you went with the latter. 

You folded the letter up and stuck it in your back jeans pocket, lighting up another cigarette as you walked blindly around the shop. Your tools, your precious tools. They felt like home in your hands, like they were meant to sit in your grasp, your vessels of fixing whatever vehicular ailment came your way. Over the years, you’d gained confidence that there wasn’t a car you couldn’t fix.

Except Valor.

That damned sexy Chevelle. Once your only means of transportation, once your and Stella’s pride and joy, and coincidentally, where your first offspring were conceived. Your boots clodded against the concrete as you made your way over to her in the darkness of the shop, your hand gently petting across her shiny black paint as you thanked her for all the wonderful years. 

You glanced up to the key wall behind it, noticing the safety deposit box keys hanging high in the corner. Two tiny, shiny keys that held the answer to every question that Jake didn’t even know he had. He would find them one day. One day, everything would make sense. And you hoped and prayed that he wouldn’t hate you for your awful decisions. You gripped the set of tiny keys in your hand, stashing them away inside Valor in a place no one would ever think to look, but would most likely stumble across one day. He would find them… when the time was right.

—

As you finally let yourself drift off to sleep from the pure exhaustion of the night, you were startled awake by the sound of the shop door closing. 

Finally, the boys are home. You heard their footsteps coming through the shop and through the kitchen, much heavier and louder than what they normally sounded like. They must have gotten pretty drunk. 

You sat up in bed, letting your eyes adjust to the darkness, the full moon and the sliver of light under the door, the only things you’re able to see. 

“Jake, you all home, boy?” you yelled. 

No answer. 

You paused a second, listening to them rustle around in the hallway. “Jacob! Daniel!” you yelled again, feeling your heart rate begin to pick up. 

Just as you were about to grab your firearm that sat on your nightstand, an unfamiliar body burst through your bedroom door, knocking something heavy across your head. You fell to the side, seeing stars as you tried to fight through, trying to hold on to consciousness.

“Guess again, Anicet.”

—

HER POV

The sun is setting quickly as the five of you continue to toss debris into the burn pile. With the impending loss of sunlight and no power inside, a fire seemed like the most logical solution to pass the time and dispose of the fallen tree limbs and debris from the storm. Jake and Daniel took on most of the heavy lifting, cutting the fallen trees with a chainsaw and hauling them into the burn pit. 

Josh wasted no time collecting tinder and small scraps to fuel the fire, while Sam tried to set up chairs and lended a helping hand where needed. Everyone had mostly calmed down after the excitement and terror of the tornado, and you had to admit, being inside of a tornado was a lot different than every story you’d ever heard about it, and you hoped you’d never have to experience that again. 

“You think we got enough, Josh?” Jake yells from across the lot.

“Yeah! We’re good over here!” he answers, the sound of their voices so similar your heart clenches.. 

You walk over towards Sam, seeing him crouched down in front of the burn pit. “You wanna help me inside? Could use a hand...��� you ask, brushing your dirty hands off on your shorts. 

“Of course.” he smiles, standing up to walk with you. 

“I know we are all starving, might as well see what we’ve got. I think there is an old camp stove in the garage somewhere.” you say, opening the shop door and stepping inside to the dark bay. 

“I think we have some butane in the camper for ours if you need it.” he says, following you as you make your way into the house. 

You begin to rummage through the pantry, handing things to Sam to set on the kitchen table. There isn’t much, but you know there are some hot dogs in the refrigerator, and that they would more than likely fill up on beers anyways. As you hand Sam a bag of chips he grabs your arm, twisting it outward to look at your bicep. 

“That tattoo… Doesn’t— Doesn’t Jake have this exact same one?” he asks, his eyes full of question. 

“Um, yeah, he does, we… It’s kind of our thing…” you stammer, unsure of how to explain the meaning.

He sends you a knowing smirk, “You love him.” 

Your face flushes, and you suddenly feel shy admitting it out loud. “Yeah, I do. Love ‘em a lot.”

“He loves you too. I can tell.” he says, dropping your arm and tossing the bag of chips to the table. 

You clear your throat, and shake your head walking to the refrigerator, knowing you need to grab everything you’ll need in one shot to keep the cold air trapped in there for as long as it takes the power to return. 

“Hot dogs, ketchup, mustard, beer, anything else?” you ask, turning to look at Sam. 

He stares off into space trying to think, “No, I think that’s it. Go fast, and shut it quick.”

You give him a nod and pull the door open, grabbing everything and passing it off behind you before slamming the door shut with a huff.

“So, you’ve heard a lot about us in the last twenty-four hours. Your turn. Tell me about you.” Sam asks, placing the box of beers onto the table. 

“Well, what do you want to know?” you ask, leaning back onto the refrigerator. 

“I don’t know, what is your family like? Do you have any long lost siblings?” he laughs, trying to lighten the mood, but when you don’t laugh his face falls. “Oh shit, do you have long lost siblings?”

You give him a soft smile, “No, not like that. I just– I lost my little sister when I was young. She was sick and there wasn’t really anything they could do.” you admit. 

“Oh, I’m really sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know, I would never have made a joke if I’d known.” Sam says, remorse written all over his face.

“It’s okay, really. I don’t really talk about it much, but in the last few days I’ve talked about it more than I ever have. I actually just told Jake about her. I think that’s part of the reason that he started to come around, you know, to the idea of you and Josh. He was apprehensive. But I think he realized that maybe somewhere deep down he wants to know you just as much as you want to know him.”

“I looked for him for so long.” Sam says, his tone a little defeated. 

“And you found him.” you say, grabbing his hand. “Maybe not the way you hoped, but you did. And now look.”

He smiles and nods, swallowing back the lump in his throat. “What about your parents? Where are they? Are you from here? How did you and Jake meet?”

You smile and let go of his hand, gathering up paper plates and cups. “Well, my parents um, they… They got a divorce after Rainey passed. My dad, he just, he couldn’t cope. It was too much, and I think my mom knew that. It was just my mom and I for a really long time. She’s still back home with her friends and her Bunko night.”

“She raised a strong woman.” he smiles. “What’s her name?”

You smile and look over at him, “Maureen. And yeah, I like to think she did.”

He nods in agreement as you turn back to the kitchen sink, attempting to wash the dirt and grime from your hands. “Huh, that’s a cool name. Must have been popular with our parents' generation. My mom had a friend named Maureen. Never knew another one.” 

“Yeah, must’ve been.” you shrug, making a mental note to ask your mom if she knew anyone named Stella next time you spoke. 

“And to answer your question, yes, technically I’m from here, but we moved away when I was in second grade. My parents wanted a fresh start after everything happened, and things here in town were starting to go downhill from what I understand. We didn’t move too far though, just over the border into Iowa, a town called Salvation.” you pause, chuckling a little, “But I can assure you I found more salvation here in Joslyn than I ever found there.”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Well that kind of leads into your next question of how Jake and I met…” you pause, biting your lips together. “I was… running away. Looking for a new adventure. I caught my fiance cheating on me with his secretary. And now that I know what real love feels like, I can assure you that there was never any love in our relationship. At least none that compares to what Jake and I have. I packed up my whole life into my car, heading for Atlanta. Only got an hour or two down the road before my engine started acting up. Pulled off on the first exit, and wound up at the diner. Bubba pointed me in this direction, and I pulled into the lot to see Jake and Danny sitting out front.”

“So, you and Jake just immediately hit it off?” he asks, seemingly invested in the story. 

“No.” you laugh, “Not at all. I’m pretty sure he hated me there for a second.”

“Obviously he came around.” he smiles with a shrug. 

“He did. Took a minute, had to break down his walls a bit.” you pause, “Well, that, and I was sort of messing around with Danny but that is a story for another time.”

“What?!” he laughs. 

“Trust me, I will give you every painful detail one day.” 

“I’m gonna hold you to that. I’m really glad you ended up here. With them. It sounds like you’ve had a pretty rough go of things, but I think you found a few people who are going to love you unconditionally for as long as you’ll let them. Myself and Josh included.” he says, sincerity thick in his voice. 

“Thanks Sam. I’m glad you’re here too. I’m glad Jake gets a second chance at a family.”

“You and Daniel are his family, Y/N. We’re just joining it. If you’ll have us.” he smiles sweetly.

“I can’t think of anything I want more.” you smile.

“So it looks like you found it then?” he asks. 

You cock your head to the side, sending him a questioning look. “Found what?”

He smiles, grabbing the food and drinks into his arms and heading for the shop door. He turns and looks over his shoulder, nodding his head. “Your new adventure. You’re living it, babe.”

—

“Y/N! Will you go in my room and get my guitar?” Danny gave you a sing-song request as you came through the door. He cheesed at you from across the lot, his sparkly white teeth showing up before the rest of his dark-complected self. 

“Yeah! Sure thing…” you hand Sam the supplies that were in your arms and dash back inside, feeling around on the walls as you tried to remember where Danny kept that old thing. After a few minutes of searching, when your hand finally grasps the neck, you get the quick idea to dig Jake’s harmonica out of his bedside drawer, too. He probably won’t play it, but…just in case…

You re-emerge into the darkness outside, catching Jake in the middle of a sentence.

“So you think if we can get up there we can stretch a tarp across until we can get it fixed? You think it’ll hold?” he asks, taking a bite of his hotdog. The fire is roaring in front of you, the rest of the group positioned in a circle around the flames. 

“Yeah, gonna take all of us probably, but I think it will work.” Danny answers, pulling out his cigarette tin as he finishes off his food. “Ah, thanks, Y/N.” he says, taking the guitar from your hand.

“Gonna have to order some sheet metal, god knows how long that's gonna take to come in.” Jake huffs. 

“You don’t think they have it down at the hardware shop?” Josh asks, rubbing his fingers over his lips. 

“Nah, not this one. Bruce doesn’t keep shit in stock.” Danny answers with a quick strum of his strings, seeing if it needs to be tuned. 

Jake pops the tab on a beer, the foam spilling over onto his jeans. “Shit…” he grumbles, pulling a few things from his pockets to avoid them getting wet. 

“The letter.” Josh says, biting his lips together. 

Jake flicks his head up in acknowledgement, Josh nodding a silent understanding. 

“You gonna read it?” Danny asks, turning to look at Jake, his fingers strumming mindlessly. 

“I mean, yeah. It’s been burning a hole in my pocket all day, I just…I’m not sure what it’s gonna say and that scares the hell outta me.” he admits. 

“You should. Read it, that is. I had no idea she ever wrote to you Jake, let alone knew your address. Could have saved us a lot of trouble.” Josh smiles, trying to lighten the mood. 

Jake smirks, and nods his head. “Yeah… A lotta things coulda been different I suppose.”

Jake snaps his head up, and stares at Josh. Their eyes are locked on each other for a few seconds before Jake turns to look at you. 

“What if we didn’t.” He breathes, his tone slightly questioning as if he's trying to convince himself, too. 

He looks back at Josh, who is nodding his head, and tapping his fingers to his chin. “Yeah…”

“What? What are you talking about, Jake? Josh, what is he talking about?” Sam asks. 

“You know, I got that letter back from the State…We’re cleared to open back up.” he pauses, turning to look at Danny. “But what if we just, didn’t?”

“What?” Danny snaps, stopping his playing altogether. “And do what, Jake?”

“Think about it Daniel.” he says, raising a brow to him. 

Your heart is beating a little harder, “Jake, what do you mean? Surely you didn’t jump through all those hoops for nothin’?”

He shrugs dismissively, “What if I did?”

All of you are silent, none of you really having any qualms about it. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.

Jake quickly changes the topic, the tension in the air quickly dissipating as the boys begin to laugh, but your mind is stuck on the what if. Where would you go? What would you do? 

—

Not too much later, the fire is finally dying down, only smoldering embers glowing bright orange in the pile of ashes. You can tell that the guys are on the verge of being drunk, their bodies sweaty and exhausted from the manual labor of cleaning up the lot. Josh and Sam had been intently watching Danny strum old blues ballads for the past hour, asking him questions and putting in their own requests. Perfect timing, you thought.

“Damn, man. You can play just about anything, can’t you?” Sam said, shaking his head side to side. You always had been impressed with Danny’s ability, and you had to admit, in your slightly drunken state, you found yourself staring at his fingers, too. You pull the harmonica from your pocket, slowly and secretly passing it off to Jake. He responds with a sarcastic look of, Why did you bring that?

Danny smugly shrugs his shoulders. “Ahh, not quite. Didn’t you say you played a little Josh?”

Josh shrugs his shoulders, too. “A little, I was more into piano, though. Learned how to tune it so mom could sing on key.”

“Jake can play the harmonica, can’t you babe?” you blurt, offering him an egotistical smile.

“Yeah! Yeah he can!” Danny agrees. “Sounds good as fuck, too.”

Jake rolls his eyes at all of you. 

“Yeah, and it just so happens you have one in your hand, babe!” you enunciate your words, pushing him to play a little. You’d never heard him, really. What better time?

“Yeah, Jake, let’s hear it…” Sam and Josh urge, truly showing interest. Jake takes a deep breath, rolling the metal instrument around in his hand.

“Here, I’ll help you out.” Danny offers, quickly playing the recognizable chords of Harvest Moon. 

Jake lets out an aggravated scoff, but slowly brings the instrument up to his lips, hesitating a little before playing out the tune perfectly. His eyes close a little as he gets used to it again, his eyebrows raising while the corners of his lips turn up a bit as he realizes he’s just a little bit rusty. 

You feel your heart swell a million times its size, watching him play. This was a side of him you’d never gotten to see before. Danny keeps it going, letting Jake come up with his own sounds as the two of them bounce off of one another’s playing. Jake’s eyes finally meet yours, and you can’t help but curl your fists up underneath your chin, completely admiring him as he makes his music.

Just like he was meant to, Josh leans hard over onto Sam, serenading him with the sweet lyrics that Neil attached to the song. Before long they were hugging each other and swaying, singing and spilling their beers all over each other. 

A warmth swells within you again as you take in the scene. This is how it always should’ve been. The four of them, together…

After a few more songs and another half-case of empty beer cans are thrown into the fire, Sam stands, grabbing the dim lantern, and stretching his arms. “I don’t know about you guys but, I think I’m ready to see what’s in that briefcase.”

“Shit, I forgot about the briefcase.” Danny says, standing and stretching his own limbs. “Jake?”

“Yeah, let’s go find our answers.” he replies, standing up and walking towards you. He reaches his hand out for you to grab, and you lace your fingers with his as he pulls you up from your chair. He pulls you into his side and kisses the side of your head as the two of you begin to walk towards the door. “Love you.” he whispers, kissing your temple again. 

“Love you, regardless of what’s in there, okay?” you say, stepping into the dark garage. 

“I know.” Jake answers, holding the door open for the rest of the guys. He stops you short, pulling you back from the door right as you are stepping through it. He turns your hand over, placing the old harmonica into your palm. “Thanks, for…thinking to bring that out. I haven’t played that thing in forever. Felt kinda good.”

You smile, placing it back into your pocket. “You’re welcome, babe. You’re actually really good, you know? You should play more often. Makes me happy…”

He grins a little as the two of you walk into the dark shop. “I’ll think about it…”

Sam plants the lantern on the kitchen table, turning up the butane to help it burn a little brighter. The five of you sit at the chairs around the table, the nervous energy in the room almost palpable. 

Sam puts in the combination for the locks, and in seconds the briefcase is springing open, filled to the brim with documents and letters. 

Jake reaches inside, grabbing a small stack of black and white photos, messy handwriting on the back sides with dates. A small smile crosses his face as he looks at the photos of Ace and Stella, but one in particular stops him in his tracks, and he flips it around for everyone to see. 

The photo is of two babies, no older than one, sitting in the front seat of what you know to be Valor. The twin babies are smiling at each other as one of them is biting a roadmap. 

“Says, ‘Jacob and Joshua. One year.’” Jake manages, his voice thick with emotion. 

Josh grabs it from his hand, holding it close to his face as he looks at the image. He lets out a sigh and nods his head. “I think we might be identical twins.”

You nod your head in agreement, as Sam pulls a few pieces of paper from the briefcase. 

“Looks like we have the deed to the house?” he says, flipping to the next document. “And the deed for a… Plymouth?” 

Danny laughs and clicks his tongue, “I do believe that Plymouth is long gone.”

Jake smiles and laughs, reaching inside the briefcase again. “My birth certificate.” he says, flipping it around. “Always wondered where that was.”

“And Josh… Here’s yours.” Sam says, handing it over to him. 

“Jake, what time does yours say?” he asks, peering over the top of the old tattered paper. 

“Right there…” you whisper, pointing at the time on Jake’s paper. 

“9:57AM.” he says, looking up at Josh. A smile creeps across Josh’s face and his brows raise. 

“Well, would you look at that… I’m older than you.” he says smugly. 

“What!” Jake says, slamming his hand down onto the table dramatically. 

“9:52AM, read it and weep, brother…” Josh shouts, followed by a full belly laugh. 

“Five minutes. That’s hardly anything!” Jake says, playfully. 

“Respect your elders, Jake.” Danny chimes in, earning him a swift elbow to the ribs. 

“Can it, Daniel.”

You all continue to look at photos and documents, but as you reach the bottom of the briefcase you see another envelope. You grab it, seeing that it’s already been opened, but again it's addressed to Jake from Stella. 

“Jake…” you say, looking at him as you hand him the envelope. “There’s another…”

He takes it from your hand, and looks at the postmark date. “It’s from ‘69…” he says, seemingly confused. 

“Jake…” Sam says, grabbing his attention. Sam hands Jake a stack of envelopes, every single one addressed to him from Stella. “There’s a lot more.”

He takes the stack, flipping through them reading the years aloud. “There’s– there’s so many… Why are they open? Why did he take these from me? Why wouldn’t he give these to me?” he says, starting to panic. 

He swallows as he looks at them, his chest heaving as he tries to keep his composure. “The last one is from January of ‘75.”

He looks over to you, and you can read his face. You know what he’s about to say. “Seventy-five…That’s when…When Ace…”

“I know, baby.” you breathe, leaning into his shoulder. 

“Seventy-five…we were almost eighteen I think.” Josh says, nodding his head. “She was bad off Jake…That was a rough time for her. Guess it kinda makes sense now.”

 “I– I’m tired. I’m gonna go to bed. You guys can, uh… I don’t know. I– I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jake says, pushing up from the table, the stack of letters in his hands. Danny sends you a look and you nod, following after Jake. 

You shut the bedroom door behind you, the talking in the kitchen a dull mumble as you step further into the bedroom. Jake is stripping down to his boxers, the snake tattoo on his back twisting and turning as he rushes to undress. 

You rest a hand softly on his back, and before you can even speak he stops you. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, babe. I just… I need to go to bed.” he pleads. 

You slide your hand down his back as he steps away, throwing back the sheets on the bed. He opens the bedroom window to let air flow into the room, before throwing himself into the bed with a huff. 

“Do you… want me to go, or…”

“No. No, I don't want you to go. I never want you to go, I just want to go to sleep, today has been… a lot. Just– come get in bed, please.”

You nod and start to shed your own clothes, grabbing a t-shirt from his dresser and sliding into the bed next to him. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into his chest, breathing in the scent of your hair and letting out a deep, exhausted sigh. 

“I love you.” he breathes, his fingers gripping deeply into your skin. You can feel the emotion radiating through his fingertips and into your skin. 

“I know Jake. I love you, too. Best man I’ve ever known.” you answer, kissing the set of roses inked over his heart. Suddenly a sweet realization hits you. 

“Jake… The roses. There’s three of them.” you whisper. “You and Josh and Sam…”

“Huh.” he huffs, “Maybe I did always know.”

—

You find yourself unable to sleep that night, the hot humid air causing your skin to feel sticky. Jake isn’t faring too well either, spending most of the night tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable. With no clock to gauge the time, you lie awake watching the room become more and more bright as the sun makes its way closer to the horizon. 

You’re not sure how many hours have passed, it has to be close to sunrise now. You feel Jake roll towards you, his hand splaying out over your stomach. “Are you awake?”

You turn your head to look at him, “Yeah, I can’t sleep.”

“I can’t either.” he breathes, rubbing his thumb over your skin. 

“Jake, I think you should read them.” you admit. 

“I can’t.” he confesses. 

“I know that’s why you can’t sleep. I think you're tormenting yourself.” you whisper, turning to face him. 

“I– How would I even choose? There’s so many, I just don’t know.” he says, feeling conflicted. 

“I’d probably start with the first one, babe..” you say, rubbing your thumb over his eyebrow. 

“Why did Ace take them from me?” he asks, a boyish innocence in his tone. 

“I don’t know, baby. But they were opened. He had to have read them. Maybe…Maybe he thought they would do more harm than good? There’s no way to know until you read them yourself.”

He nods just a little, pushing his face further into your hand to bask in your touch. His eyes pop open to meet yours. He bites his lips, and takes a deep breath in through his nose. 

“Okay. But… will you do it? Can— can you read it to me?” he asks, his eyes searching yours. 

“Like, read it out loud to you? Are you sure you don’t want to read it on your own? Privately?” you ask. 

“I’m done hiding my ghosts from you.” he admits, cradling your face in his hand, mimicking your own. “It’s us now. From here on out.”

“Are you sure, Jake?” you breathe, your heart racing. 

“Yeah. I’m sure.” he says, pulling away from you and rolling out of the bed. He walks over to his dresser, flipping through the letters, and pulls the small blue envelope from earlier from the stack. He rejoins you in bed and hands you the letter, laying closer to you now and resting his head on your chest. You gently pull the letter from the envelope and unfold the papers. You can tell he is holding his breath, and you don’t blame him. Your own heart is beating out of your chest. 

“Breathe, baby. Just tell me to stop if you need me to, okay?” you caution.

He turns his head to kiss your chest, “I will. I’m ready.”

You swallow nervously and take a deep breath, straightening the papers and preparing yourself to read the first words his mother ever wrote to him, and praying they wouldn’t hurt him more than he already was.

—

GERALDINE POV

A FEW DAYS LATER

“BLT’s up, Geraldine!” you heard the cook Mike yell across the window as you delivered the meals to table six. 

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’!” you answered back, making mental note that table ten needed ketchup, and Randy needed a top off on his decaf. 

The electricity had finally been restored four days after the tornado came through, and today was your first day back open at Louie’s. And boy, was the place packed. By some miracle, there had been enough ice in the freezers to keep the majority of the food and meat cold, at least enough that you could sell it within the week.

You’d been running this diner for the past twelve years all by yourself, save for the nights you let the high school kids run the place on the days you wanted off. They didn’t do too bad, really, only giving you a call if they needed advice on the cash register. But on a day like today, you wished you had a few of those high school kids helping you out. 

As you grabbed up the BLT, Mike wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm. “Maybe we should have a tornado once’t a year, if it’s gonna bring in business like this.” he joked. 

“No kiddin’!” you agreed. “You need some ice water, honey?”

“Please. No hurry.” 

As you turned around to place the BLT in front of the patron at the bar, you noticed you had a few folks grouped up ready to pay their tabs. 

“Everythin’ alright for y'all?” you asked them, wiping your hands off on the towel hanging from your apron and punching in their totals. 

The day was heading along just fine, everyone being understandably patient as they realized you were taking care of the entire place alone. Your pocket was filled to the brim with tips, and you knew that during the dinner shift, you would probably triple what you made this morning. It was hard work, but it was all worth it. This was your passion. It was nearing suppertime, and you knew Bubba would be in within the next hour to help you clear up some tables and roll some clean silverware. 

There were two gentlemen at the end of the bar who had been there for an hour or two, one of them you recognized as one of Teddy’s men, Joey. The other, a taller, thinner, more unfamiliar man. For all you knew he had lived here all his life, the way Teddy’s men normally like to keep their faces out of the public eye. Joey, on the other hand, never really cared. 

“More coffee, fellas?” you asked them, not waiting for their answer as you went ahead and filled their mugs. Their quiet conversation paused as soon as you interrupted them, and you caught the idea that they wanted their privacy. 

“Thank you, ma’am.” the taller one said as he crossed his arms, nodding his head for you to skedaddle. 

You caught the drift, but got a feeling in the pit of your stomach that you should try and eavesdrop. You were a waitress, of course it was part of your job to listen in on strangers’ conversations. 

You pretended to lean behind the bar for the box of sugar packets, keeping yourself busy as the lunch-goers cleared out. You let yourself seem occupied as your ears focused in on their conversation. Their words were hushed, but you were able to hear them, for the most part. 

“Heard Teddy might have another job comin’ up for us.” the tall one muttered, rolling a toothpick around in his mouth. 

“What?” Joey questioned. “I ain’t heard nothin’, what do you mean?”

“Apparently the “event” from back in ‘75 has resurfaced again. Teddy caught word from his cop buddy that two young guys had visited the obituary archives lookin’ for the death certificate of Anicet Kiszka.”

You felt your mouth go dry and a cold chill run all over your body. No. No way Teddy knows…

“You’re kiddin’ me.” Joey breathed. “Son of a bitch… that could mean…”

The taller man nodded. “Could mean there’s new blood comin’ back in and diggin’ a little deeper for the thing we worked so hard to bury. You realize half those cops that helped us out that day are dead…”

Joey huffed. “Yeah, don’t know if that helps us or hurts us…fuck. I ain’t goin’ to prison…”

You could tell that Joey’s body language had suddenly become antsy.

“Calm down, now. We’ll get it taken care of, Teddy’s got a plan.”

“A plan? What does he want to do?”

You swallowed hard as you prepared yourself to hear the worst. 

The man sat forward on his barstool, leaning his elbows far across the bartop.

“Looks like he wants to fight fire with fire.”

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If you’d like to be added to the taglist, please fill out this form! If you would like to be removed from the taglist, please send in an ask.

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@flightofseams @torniturntomyarrow @allmylovejtk @m0uthfl13s @klarxtr @styles-canvas @fleet-of-fiction @gretavanbear @builtbybrokenbells @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @starrymoonslut @lightmy-love @edgingthedarkness @gvfmarge @dannys-dream @demonrat444 @jjwasneverhere @fleetingofthegretas @highway-tuna @gretas-sweat @darianh07 @age0fwagner @stardustjake @Catharu77 @milkgemini @watchingover-hypegirl @lightmy-love @erlha @twinszka @peaceloveunitygvf

[gretavanmoon]

👏🏼

[gretavanmoon]

Hey y’all! We got a hell of a response from this, and you have sent us an entire library to go through! Ecstaticcccc to finally choose the first one.

Though we’re extremely grateful for all your suggestions, we’re scared we’ll spend more time listening to the songs than writing about them😄

That being said, the submissions will be cut off at 6:00pm EST tomorrow. Get your last suggestions on the list! Thanks again friends!

THE FIDELITY SERIES

Have you ever heard a song that plays out so intensely in your mind that you wish you could read a story about it? So have we. @gretavangroupie and I have learned that keeping our creative juices flowing and thinking outside the box is the key to continuing to sharpen our skills, so we've come up with an idea.

Over the next few weeks, we will choose songs that you've submitted to our form, and write short one-shots based upon how we perceive the song, including one or more of the guys in various different tropes.

The form is separated into decades, starting from the 1960's and going all the way up to the 2010's. Feel free to submit as many song requests as you'd like, any genre you'd like, no matter how normal, romantic, outlandish, or awe-inspiring the song may be.

Please try to steer clear of submitting songs that you've already seen fics written about, as we want to try to write about things that have never been touched on before.

Not every single song will be chosen; we will sift through and pick what piques our interest and what we feel we could work with and build upon.

To submit a song, click here. You can join the taglist from that link, as well!

So, dig deep into your vast and unusual musical libraries, and send us a song or two. We can't wait to start this fun little project!

[gretavanmoon]

THE FIDELITY SERIES

Have you ever heard a song that plays out so intensely in your mind that you wish you could read a story about it? So have we. @gretavangroupie and I have learned that keeping our creative juices flowing and thinking outside the box is the key to continuing to sharpen our skills, so we've come up with an idea.

Over the next few weeks, we will choose songs that you've submitted to our form, and write short one-shots based upon how we perceive the song, including one or more of the guys in various different tropes.

The form is separated into decades, starting from the 1960's and going all the way up to the 2010's. Feel free to submit as many song requests as you'd like, any genre you'd like, no matter how normal, romantic, outlandish, or awe-inspiring the song may be.

Please try to steer clear of submitting songs that you've already seen fics written about, as we want to try to write about things that have never been touched on before.

Not every single song will be chosen; we will sift through and pick what piques our interest and what we feel we could work with and build upon.

To submit a song, click here. You can join the taglist from that link, as well!

So, dig deep into your vast and unusual musical libraries, and send us a song or two. We can't wait to start this fun little project!

[gretavanmoon]

Valor 11 Sneak Peek...