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vocal line is shaking

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Women can be trash and abusive as well.

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Reblog if you’d be okay if your friend came out as transgender

let’s see how many transphobics we can weed out

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Reblog if you’d be okay if your friend came out as transgender

let’s see how many transphobics we can weed out

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seesaw 🌌 시소 

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The most powerful duo

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Time

It wasn't long ago when I had my first anxiety attack.

It wasn't long ago when I came to terms with my identity.

It wasn't long ago when I last hurt myself.

It was long ago when I last had a positive thought.

It was long ago when I last had a full happy day.

It was long ago when I last had a break.

It was long ago when I last had a reason to be happy.

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Day 31

Got to love my family. Oh how many lies I tell them about myself.

Oh how much I want to die because of them.

Oh how much embarrassment they bring.

Oh how much annoyance they bring.

Oh how I wish my family was normal.

Not my dad calling my mom names while she does the same back.

I just wished they'll actually cared about our feelings and what we need. I need more jeans but my dad will complain while my mom says she doesn't have money. I need to pay off marching band fees and other fees but they'll push it back.

I can't work because my dad won't let me. He won't let me see my mom at this point all because he wants to be a dick.

Got to love how fucked my family is.

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Day 22

September 30, 2018

The marching band's band placed 3rd at our category (5A)! It may seem why be happy about that but we were put up against BOA schools. In my opinion, I think it means that they're really good and meant for intense competition. We'll our drum majors beat theirs, placing first!

Also got told that it's been two years since the band placed. Yeah boyyyyyyyyyy

And at a game the past Friday (Sept. 28), it drizzle a bit so we put our instruments away so nothing gets ruin. You bet our extra selves yell the notes we had to play. It was a blast and my throat did hurt. I also did some the songs with the (color) guard, learning the dances on the spot.

Oh how those were happy moments until I slowly begin to think. Guess who wants to die. This girl right here.

I realized that no one that I say are friends don't include me that often. I sit by them and I feel I'm invisible to them. Honestly think that my importance to them is that friend people can ask favors from. I usually do the things people ask because I just want them to be friends with me.

I honestly don't care anymore. I just see myself as nothing and that is amazing. Only more stress on my body.

So if I don't ever talk about my days for a whole month, guess who is a dead bįțçh. The only feeling I be getting is loneliness and pain from scissors.

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Day 15

September 23, 2018

Had the opportunity to talk to someone so I can slowly begin to come out but I chicken out. My heart begin to race with each ring over the phone. I begin to panic because they would have been the first person to hear it properly. There's others who know I want to come out but none of them know if it's truly how I feel. So I might just write it because guess I can't talk about it without chickening out. Hopefully my handwriting is big enough because I write in like 8 pt.

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Day 12

September 20, 2018

Been busy with marching band to let you all know how I've been. Well. I study for a big exam that was meant for the next grade level. Ha.

Also, hurt both my ankles (right yesterday and left tonight) from marching band. Struggles of being short!

Also, might come out to a few friends tomorrow but I'm not sure. I get it I have a choice of when I tell people but I'm worried of getting second thoughts after I tell them..

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Day 9

September 17, 2018

This is before I go out for marching rehearsal and I just want to sleep. I stood up till 12 AM, sorting and writing notes for the science gateway. Well! I don't have to take it anymore because they messed up. I have enough credits to say I'm in the next grade level when I'm not.

Overall, I'm just tired. My shoulders, right arm, and left thigh hurts from the fundraiser on Saturday and waking up in a weird way Sunday morning.

Also, I love how my friends only start conversations when they notice me blanking out or having to work together on a game. Like I actually want to talk with people but guess I gave people the look that I'm just a random kid who talks at times.

I hate my life for that.

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Day 7

September 15, 2018

I did it. I did it!

I didn't let my anxiety stop me from performing!

I didn't let anyone down!

I made myself proud.

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Day 6?

September 14, 2018

If anyone keeps track of this, thanks. Correct me if I am ever wrong.

Anyways I had to present today and I just wanted to stop midway. Social anxiety is fun because I was rushing through my slides, my hands were shaking badly, and I had to repeat myself sometimes. It's better than last year though, last year I use to whisper during the monthly presentations.

I have a game and I feel like I'll mess up during our show. I hate the newest sets because my back doesn't let's me face forward without pain T^T I can't play and march either that well while there's freshmen who got music memorize. Like bahsodmdhsomajwoan

I also got a dance performance tomorrow...nice. It's a mash up of kpop and I'm performing in two so yeah. RIP

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Day 3

September 10, 2018

Already missed the second day...not surprise. Besides that, I spent most of my day at school like most kids at my age. I never realized how much I think. I distract myself by drawing (doodling really) on sheets of paper during class. Never thinking much into them until I was watching some animations. (https://youtu.be/10H3XOjEU3Y). I begin to realize how my life won't matter to anyone in a few hundred of years. Unless you rewrite history or redo it, no one isn't going to remember. And that sucks.

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Their videos are pretty but they're also calming to listen to. The music they chose was pleasing and it fits so well.