greyestjoy

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catelyn and bran about theon:

meanwhile, average theon thought:

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love the type of male character that is just a losing dog

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bark beetle patterns

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Grrm a coward for not giving us happy trail Brienne during the bath scene in Harrenhal. Like Wdym she was “hairier” than Cersei, Jamie??? Be more specific pls🙏

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Why did they make him sooooo cute

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Roose Bolton 🫣

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theon greyjoy has never known a day of peace in his life and it reflects onto his fanbase

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it pains me to say this but i fear that modern jon would be the type to use the wrong your/you’re and their/there/they’re in text messages 😔😔😔 robb too 😔😔😔 don’t even get me started on theon 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

Theon does it on purpose, and Robb and Jon are oblivious to knowing they're doing it. Even if you correct them, they'll keep doing it ✋😭

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my stupid nephew

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The Prince of Winterfell arc only gets more funny(in a depressing way) if you think about it from literally anyone but Theon’s pov

Like the Ironborn? Your lame girly prince you were told to listen to finally has like- a good plan but immediately upon successfully doing this plan everything goes to shit because this kid is just certifiably unhinged and kills his hostages.

Your average Winterfell servant? You remember that one bitchy Stark ward? The one who was supposedly your Kings ✨Best Friend✨? Yeah, he showed up in the middle of the night with fifty men from his shitty hometown and trashed the placed. He’s now surprised that everyone is mad at him.

Maester Luwin? You’ve known Theon since he was nine. You practically helped raise him; and sure he was always a few marbles short of a jar but you gotta ask yourself; what the fuck happened here??? Because it’s been a few months tops and he WAS NOT this bad when you last saw him!

Ramsay? Well you’ve just faked your death and got captured by a six year old. Your favorite freak is dead so that’s a bummer. Suddenly the fucking ironborn show up- which is crazy because this place is landlocked- and they take you to the great hall. That’s when you meet the leader of this whole thing. A spoiled little teenage princeling with daddy issues who is so clearly one hard shove away from a complete mental break. And you think “yeah, I’m going to turn him into my dog.”

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SMASH OR PASS: WESTEROS EDITION

arguments for:

tall, chiselled jaw, cold blue eyes that remind one of the frozen depths of winter

EXCELLENT battle commander. strategic. warning: this may or may not translate in bed.

bald

he WILL do his duty. you can be sure of that.

arguments against:

has all the charisma of boiled turnips.

doesn't understand the joy of a luscious peach

bald

seems to have an unethical non-monogamy thing for his beloved onion knight and/or his bewitching red witch already, may not be able to slot you into his polycule calendar within 10 working days

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"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩."

"𝘝𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘴?"

"𝘕𝘰. 𝘙𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘳."

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forever weeping sobbing groaning that in a series with a billion pages we only got like a singular paragraph of jon theon and robb in the same scene…. and it’s theon kicking the head and jon calling theon an ass and robb the eternal peacemaker. so indicative of their dynamic and every single one of them with the most insane complexes about the other two…. i cant believe grrm gave us a taste of what could have been and then he took it all away

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Honestly, the world building in AGOT’s very first chapter is so unserious. Like yeah there’s a penal colony that guards a magic ice wall, and there’s this powerful feudal lord who carries out the king’s justice by taking his barely pubescent sons to watch a public execution - he also uses it as a show for his war hostage ward, and there are these BIG, HUGE magic wolves that can grow as large as a horse and are super duper rare and dangerous but now six of them are suddenly here for no reason whatsoever, and today’s public execution victim claims that the ice zombies of legend are back to wipe out humanity?! And oh yeah, Jon Snow fucking HATES Theon Greyjoy!

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Doin anything but writing that book

George R.R. Martin holds the first new dire wolf born in 10,000 years.

source: x