grizzly-beast-blog

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It is so hard to believe this was 5 years ago, half a decade ago.

I want her back in my life....It would be a fucking miracle but I want her back....

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Love that has never stopped.

Does she know... deep down somewhere does she even know that I still love her, that all this time hasn't made me forget my mistakes, my greatest and utter failure of losing her....Does she know how much I miss the smell of her hair, the touch of her fingers on my face...

She doesn't I don't think, if she dies she doesn't care. Do I blame her? Absolutely not...She was perfect when we first met and through selfish action and childish mentality I lost her I cheated on her I hurt her I broke her and changed her...I hate my self for that...

Yet still every thought lands on her every impulse, every moment I'm awake memories flood my mind, songs remind me of moments, so do games and films, smells and tastes.

It's as if my while life is so consumed by her my mind won't rest...I'll never get her back, never meet anyone like her ever again and I don't want to.

I'm done forcing my self to fit with other people, sick of never being truly content or happy.

So from today I will remain single for better or worse be sure the only one I want to share my life with is her. End of.

If I can't have her if rather be alone for the rest of my life it has taken me nearly 3 years... 3 years to realise what I had and what I lost but I see it now what I caused and why now I am so unhappy...

Even if everything else is perfect she is the one missing piece.

The puddin to my J, the princess to this Daddy, the shield maiden who bore my problems as I beared hers, the women who would have fought the world with me and we would have won.

Maggie, Maggie Scrivener.

If you see this ever, I'm sorry.

Guess your family were right Scrivener women are the hardest to get, and when they are gone your left with nothing.

Maggie, as much as you will think I'm lying which I don't judge you on after all I caused that trust to burn.

Maggie just please I hope for the miracle I've been waiting for three years almost for, for us to speak for us to relight the fire.....for our love to burn again.

Sic parvis magna

Greatness from small beginnings.

It all started with that kiss in the rain.....that amazing passionate kiss in the rain.

I remember everything maggie everything....I will never forget it not until the day I die.

My love for you,

Is eternal.

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Why just why are you still on my fucking mind. Just get out of my head I don't want the memories. To miss your touch I've lost so much and yet your the thing I miss the most how. Over my family over friends your still that important.

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New city new jobs new chances and still people moan and complain about me back in Norfolk. I'm famous

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Northampton

Living here working here gonna make a life here

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stress

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Well life can't get any worse

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Giving up

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•I will come running when you call my name•

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I post daily, please follow!

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New year could be good

Met a woman she is different sweet and tender I am not holding my hopes up but she is special in her own way.

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Mortality

It's strange I never thought if have to face ny own mortality in such a gruesome way. But here we are 22/23 waiting to find out if I'll die before I'm thirty weakened in a wheel chair and unable to do anything. Ive looked back and realised just how shit of a person I've been and it makes me sad. I lost the one person who actually loved me. But alas she doenst love me anymore. Facing my mortality I see how much I miss her, her touch her comfort. When will it take me maybe e never but ill keep on knowing how shit I am. Each day a reminder.