grumpymedbae

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Being lost in the woods and being forced to choose between a man and a bear, so obviously you choose the bear, but joke's on you because they're both the same guy and you find him by a fire stirring a cooking pot with one big furry paw because it's Halsin Silverbough so he's making you stew and he's ready to validate your feelings and you're safer than safe

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Didn’t let my guy wildshape in the battle before this for this exact reason.

halsin.....baby......ily but can u get out of the way

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american pope leo xiv please excommunicate jd vance because it would be so fucking funny.

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done with the "came back wrong" trope. what about came back American

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To be a fly on the wall during the Vatican Conclave Watchparty

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kind of crazy that Cardinal Lawrence started the movie having a crisis of faith and depressed about not feeling God’s presence but the moment he decided to try to get over it and try to be Pope anyway God showed up and blasted the roof off the place directly over his head specifically to tell him to sit back down. Dad who hasn’t been home in months and then shows up at your little league game to boo

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CONCLAVE (2024) + LETTERBOXD REVIEWS

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there is still time never kill yourself etc etc

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I love when fanfics describe the team's religious beliefs like:

Joe: Muslim, but it's complicated

Nicky: Catholic, but it's complicated

Booker: Catholic, but angry at God

Nile: Christian, but conflicted

Andy: "I was a god once, it was great."

[grumpymedbae]

BG3 Companions At a Costume Party

Astarion wears a really expensive and elaborate carnival mask all night, as well as a long velvet cape. Keeps chuckling to himself about how no one can recognize him. EVERYONE can actually recognize him

Gale dresses as Elminster, complete with fake long white beard. If Elminster is also invited, he will dress as Gale. (Tara dresses up as a cat version of Aylin, because wings)

Shadowheart dresses up as Orin. She makes a version of the creepy red unitard out of spangly red silk. Does not care if it's "too soon."

Wyll couldn't decide if he wanted to be a pirate or a mer-man so he's just both. Always nice to dig out the Wavemother robe.

Lae'zel paints herself red and goes as a red dragon. Gets itchy from the paint halfway through the night and washes it off. Still expects everyone to "get" her costume.

Karlach, making the most of her horns, puts on a woolly jacket and dresses as a goat. (Because she IS the GOAT). Makes hilarious baa-ing noises at random times throughout the evening.

Halsin just goes in bear form because it's simple and fun and he doesn't have to spend any money on it.

Minthara goes as a Corpse Bride, possibly in a bloody wedding dress that she actually made bloody herself. Don't ask. Looks amazing, is terrifying.

Jaheira goes as an abstract concept like "the economy" or "crime." Has a ton of fun doing jokingly-condescending explanations to people all night.

Minsc dresses as Boo, obviously. Boo dabs a little purple paint around his eye and goes as Minsc.

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Hey everyone, the queer panic has only gotten worse.

Because not only have I also recruited Lae’zel, Wyll, and Karlach (and have heart-eyes for them all) but now Halsin the impossibly-swole Druid is chilling in my camp making me kick my feet under my desk like I’m in middle school.

12/10, would recommend this game.

Guess who finally downloaded and started playing Baldur’s Gate III?

I’m already in trouble, because I started this leaning towards romancing Astarion…

….BUT THEN THIS HOT DORK WIZARD GOT HIMSELF STUCK IN A PORTAL IN FRONT OF ME!!

I shouldn’t fall for the awkward charm with Vampire Daddy right there…but dammit!

I am almost half-tempted to play two games simultaneously, one to focus on Astarion and one to focus on Gale…

But then Shadowheart is so beautiful…..

Welcome to Jayne’s Queer Panic, Baldur’s Gate III edition.

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Oh Gods, this coming Renn Faire season…

If I see you as a BG3 character, I will stop you to fan-enby over you.

If you dress as Halsin, I may fold.

I am literally addicted to that stupid Bear Man

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And in my game, my ranger Tav, standing on the roof with every type of arrow, ready to snipe Cazador when they get a good view.

stealth expert over here

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Many have written about how Karlach throws Astarion, well… Don't worry, no Astarions were harmed! But I can't say the same about Gortash…

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Baldur’s Mouth Gazette articles I want to read

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Of all the companion pairings, I hadn’t expected Wyll/Karlach being my favorite but I just love the dynamic

Because obviously you’ve got the whole thing of him wanting to kill her because he thought she was evil and then realized she was also a victim and was willing to be turned into a demon because he wasn’t willing to sacrifice an innocent person for himself, and her then being willing to stand up to the devils who want her dead on his behalf

But I also feel like as far as a relationship dynamic they would be a Prince Charming/damsel thing except they both think they’re the Prince Charming and the other is the damsel

Wyll lamenting how his endlessly kind wife who only wants to live a simple life where she is treated equally kindly was tricked, sold, had her heart replaced with an infernal engine that keeps her trapped in basically hell, and was forced to be the first line of attack for the devil who did this to her. Meanwhile behind him Karlach is looking at a locked metal gate and just decides to open it by bending the bars with her bare hands, melting the iron as she does because she has flames inside of her body

Karlach talking about her poor husband Wyll who gave up a comfortable life as the son of a duke to be entered into a devil’s pact and made into a homeless hero who would always protect people but never really get to exist as his own person outside of his pact and his folk hero perception. Meanwhile Wyll is eldritch blasting a demon in the face behind her with an entirely casual and unbothered look on his face

They fix Karlach to the point where she can leave Avernus and Wyll goes to his family and friends to prepare them for meeting her, telling them that she can be very sensitive and has gone through some rough times and grew up on the streets so she’s going to be more rough around the edges than they’re used to and it would probably upset her to come back home only to be made fun of, so please be kind. And in walks his 7 foot tall wife who is as wide as the door with her big giant muscles, battle ax strapped to her back, slapping Duke Ravengard on the shoulder and asking “How the hell are ya?”

Karlach goes to her old Baldur’s Gate friends and says she wants them to meet her husband but he’s the son of nobility and spent a long time living in that more polished world so he talks very formal and polite and isn’t really used to how they talk and interact so please don’t make fun of him if you think he speaks funny. And in walks the Blade of the Frontiers with a suspicious amount of not quite dried blood on his pants

They both think they’re the “They said no pickles” part of the relationship but actually if they asked for no pickles and were given pickles they would make eye contact with the person who did it while using their biggest two handed weapon to scrape the pickles off onto the floor