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oh oops hi

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Btw you’re still valid if your trauma made you less independent rather than hyper independent

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no but being told to use your communication coping skills when talking to abusive people is bullshit. abusers do not listen to their victims no matter how reasonable we are.

like. anything that shows we're an individual with thoughts and feelings is going to make an abuser double down. using "i feel" statements isn't going to help if your abuser lashes out at you for showing feelings. speaking calmly isn't going to help if your abuser is threatening you. gently stating what you need isn't going to help if your abuser neglects even your simplest needs.

also so many of us hide our anger and rage. we dont speak our mind, because it's dangerous. it's the most threatening thing to an abuser... but it's also the most empowering for us. anger is the feeling that tells us something is wrong, and we need to embrace it. because our anger is not the danger - our abuser's reaction to it is, and that reaction is not our fault.

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I just wanna be loved

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me. me when a poem says something ive felt before

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“Stop making your disorder your personality”

Brother I have a personality disorder

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I oscillate between “I have a lot of life ahead of me and still so much to experience my future is hopeful” and “I’m a fucking failure there’s no point I should just kill myself I’m going to be broken and a fuck up no matter what”

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liability by lorde.

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Please I just want to feel fucking safe and looked after I’m so sick of being terrified

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Don’t let Catholics fool you, you’re not lazy, weak, selfish, a traitor, or destined to be miserable for leaving the Catholic Church, especially if you left due to trauma. Leaving the Church took bravery and integrity to yourself to accomplish. Don’t let Catholics determine your worth and character as a person, theirs and their Church’s opinions of non-Catholics and apostates are irrelevant. 

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Scary BPD things we don’t talk enough about:

Complete dissociation

Not knowing who you are/not recognizing yourself

Having no control over the things your saying, which can include things like threatening to bodily harm/kill people/animals and other really terrifying things

The speed at which you can go from extreme anger and rage to being better about a situation is almost unnatural and really eerie to reflect on sometimes

Having to “childproof” you environment by locking up things like prescription pills, alcohol, sharp objects, lighters, etc.

Intrusive thoughts/voices in your head/saying or thinking things that feel like they come from someone else

Worrying that you’re going to hurt somebody (and I don’t mean emotionally I mean like worrying you’re going to black out in rage and stab someone to death)

Other people worrying you’re going to hurt/kill them and them taking visible precautions against it which make you feel worse

All or nothing emotions. Everything is too much or it’s nothing. The feeling like you have so many emotions your body can’t physically contain them or just feeling empty

The depression cycles where you can’t sleep or can’t eat or can’t get up to use the bathroom for hours on end

The extreme lengths people take to try and control you when you’re having an episode (especially if you’re a minor living with a parent) like locking you up or physically restraining you etc.

Not making plans for the future because you don’t think you’re going to make it that far for whatever reason

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nvm i’m doing horribly again

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Goodbye. ^.^

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