not according to plan | hjs
summary: your ex-fiance is getting married and everyone you know is going to be there. when he calls to ask if you're coming, you accidentally mention a boyfriend. which would be fine, if you weren't very single. thankfully your best friend comes through with the perfect solution when he sets you up with a friend of his. what could possibly go wrong?
pairing: joshua x f.reader
genre: fake dating, strangers to friends to ?? | fluff, slight angst, smut
rating: explicit, minors DNI
word count: ~22.1k
notes/warnings: johnny suh as the ex-fiancee (sorry, he's not great in this), other idols born in '95 used as background characters, mentions of past cheating, food & alcohol, lots of "dates", reader is referenced as coming from a rich family, mention of being an escort (minus the sex?)
smut warnings: making out, multiple smut scenes (kind of, it could be a continuation), multiple orgasms, teasing, they're both v obsessed with each other's bodies, protected sex, fingering, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), scratching/marking, squirting, overstimulation, use of lube, i think that's it (but let me know if it's not)
author's note: this fic is dedicated to the lovely @shuadotcom, i'm so sorry it took me literal months to finish fake dating!joshua but here we are anyway. i'm not sure how this one got so away from me either lmao. banner credit to the beautiful @wongyuseokie who (again) did this very last minute. thank you to @wonwussy & @kwanisms for the mid-fic beta. thank you to @wooahaeproductions, @horanghater, @cheolism, & @hannieween for listening to me talk about this and helping with things like petnames & dates.
taglist at the end (& join my permanent taglist here)
âItâs fine, itâs been years and Iâm over it. Plus, Iâve been seeing someone anyway and heâs great. So I wasnât ignoring your invite,â you say without a second thought.Â
Itâs just a stream of consciousness. The lie comes flying out of your mouth faster than your brain can process it. Thatâs exactly what it is, too. A lie. Youâre not seeing anyone and havenât been in a serious relationship since the person on the other end of the call broke your heart.Â
âOh, wow, sorry, I didnât mean toâŠwell, I didnât know. My mom didnât say anything when she said she had spoken to your mom about whether or not you were coming to the wedding,â Johnny says with a little bit of ramble.Â
âYou know how my mom can be, I havenât had the chance to tell her yet,â you deflect.Â
âIâm happy for you, then,â Johnny says.Â
âThanks, Iâm happy for you, too,â you force out. Somehow, it doesnât sound like the lie you know that it is.
âSo, itâs not weird, then? I mean our moms are best friends, so the rest of your family is all going to be there. A lot of your friends will be there. I know you havenât RSVPâd yet, butâŠâ Johnny starts.
âNope! Not weird at all,â you utter, hoping that your voice sounds even. âItâd be weirder if I wasnât there, right?âÂ
âProbably, yeah,â Johnny says. âThatâs great, though. Do you want me to mark you down as a yes? I can even add a plus-one, if you want to bring your partner.âÂ
âThatâs so thoughtful, but I wouldnât want to put you out. I know how expensive weddings can be,â you say and try to sound sincere.
âNo, itâs no issue, actually. We have a few extra seats that we left just in case we forgot someone or didnât know about someoneâs partner,â Johnny presses. âSo weâll see you both there?â
âYeah, you will,â you hurry out. This conversation needs to be over.Â
Itâs only an hour after hanging up with your ex-fiancee that your mom calls to tell you she canât believe she had to hear it from Mrs. Suh that youâre dating someone. Which includes a whole lot of deflecting and promises about when she can meet this mystery man. Another twenty minutes after you hang up with your mom, you get a pointed text from your younger sister. The two of you havenât ever been all that close, so she shouldnât be surprised that you havenât mentioned him. She made her side pretty clear when she maintained her friendship with Johnnyâs new fiancĂ©e. That new fiancee, a close friend of your sisters, also just so happened to be the girl he cheated on you with. So, she can hardly expect to have a close sister bond. Yet, she seems oddly suspicious that she didnât know you were seeing someone seriously.Â
Your quiet Saturday afternoon turns into a full blown headache all thanks to one call from the asshole that you really thought you left in the past. Of course, now is the perfect time for him to pop back up. Now, when youâre even between any sort of casual sex. Now, when you donât even have someone that you can call up to pretend to date you. This is going to be one of the worst calls that you have to make when you have to admit you made it all up, that you will absolutely not be showing your face at the wedding, and you will also be changing your name before moving away.
For now, you do the only thing that you can think of doing. You call the only person that can give you any perspective on this whole fucking disaster.Â
âWell hello,â your best friend answers.Â
âJeonghan, I fucked up,â you say without preamble.Â
âThis is gonna be good,â he responds.Â
âI just got off the phone with my mom,â you begin.
âWhat did she want?â he asks, knowing that it wonât be anything good.
âWell, you know, to talk about this new boyfriend of mine,â you continue.
âYou havenât dated anyone in forever,â Jeonghan chuckles.Â
âThank you for that,â you snark. âAnd then, of course, I get a text from my perfect sister wondering why sheâs also just hearing about this boyfriend of mine.âÂ
âWhy do your sister and your mom think youâre dating someone?â Jeonghan asks.
âOh, well, you know. Johnny called today,â you offer.
âFuck that guy,â Jeonghan interjects.
âHe wanted to know why I hadnât responded to his wedding invite and assumed it was awkward because I was single, so I told him I was seeing someone,â you finally finish.
âFor fuckâs sake,â Jeonghan says into the silence and you can imagine his face.
âRight? My life is a fucking mess and now Johnny thinks that Iâm bringing my boyfriend,â you groan.
âIâll start planning the story for why you suddenly left town,â Jeonghan says.Â
âFor real, my life is over,â you whine.
âWhat are you gonna do?â Jeonghan asks softly.Â
This is really why you called him. Jeonghan is a shithead, sometimes, and he can be a bit of a chaos demon. He also can be a bit of a schemer, especially when it comes to winning a game. But, heâs unfailingly kind and caring to the people he holds dear. He absolutely hates getting into any kind of real conflict with his friends. Thereâs that whole side to him that honestly wouldnât hurt a fly and always has a way to comfort. Thatâs the side that you get now.Â
âI donât know,â you answer, voice just as quiet. âIâm justâŠI donât want to let him win, you know?â
And Jeonghan does know. Youâve been friends since before you started dating Johnny. Even though he never liked him, Jeonghan supported you in your relationship. When Johnny proposed, he called your other friends and set up the best engagement party anyone could ask for. From the outside, nobody would ever know that he hated your partner. Honestly, heâs the best friend anyone in the world could ask for.Â
Before he got around to setting up the bridal shower, which heâd been quietly planning for months, your whole world turned upside down. Johnny cheated, had been cheating awhile, actually, and Jeonghan was there to pick up the pieces. Somehow, he was the only one that seemed to make it better, probably because he didnât want to act like things were okay when they werenât. It was easy to cry in front of him, easy to be vulnerable, easy to just let the process play out so you could heal. Even though he never liked Johnny, he also didnât say he told you so. This had never been something that crossed his mind.Â
âOkay, youâre gonna hate it, but I have an idea,â Jeonghan says.
âThose are never comforting words coming from you,â slips out of your mouth.
âUsually Iâd yell at you, butâŠâ he trails off.Â
âI swear, if youâre about to say that we pretend to be dating like some romcom, I will hang up the phone,â you warn.
âFirst of all, thatâs rude, Iâm a great boyfriend,â Jeonghan says.Â
âI never said you werenât, Hannie, you know I think youâre gorgeous,â you sigh.Â
âThatâs true, I am,â Jeonghan says through a laugh.
âBut, I also know you remember what an unmitigated disaster it was when we fucked,â you point out, earning an even louder laugh.Â
âWow, and here I thought that it was actually great sex,â he says.Â
âIâm not gonna keep stroking your ego, I already admitted you were gorgeous. I donât need to praise the sex, too,â you declare.
âStroking myâŠcome on, youâre making it too easy,â Jeonghan points out.
âFunny, because I remember you being the easy one that night,â you say, finally managing to get a shot in.
âI hate you,â Jeonghan snorts.Â
âI know,â you answer. âDidnât you say that you had an idea?âÂ
Jeonghan clears his throat. âRight, yeah. Well, I know this guy and maybe he can help you out.âÂ
âWhat is he, an escort?â you snort out.
âDo you want my help or not?â Jeonghan asks.
âYoon Jeonghan, are you about to set me up with an escort?â you challenge.
âNo, of course not, just trust me,â he says.
Just trust me might be the three most terrifying words that could come out of Jeonghanâs mouth, especially when youâre not usually on the receiving end of his schemes. Itâs not like you have much choice, though. The wedding is in six weeks and you have to find a solution, fast. So, what choice do you have other than trusting your best friend? How could this go wrong?Â
You still think this is a terrible idea, yet agree to meet Jeonghanâs friend, Joshua, anyway. Apparently, heâs somewhat new to the area, doesnât know many people, and is incredibly easy to be around. Thereâs no mention of why Jeonghan thinks he might be willing to pretend to be your boyfriend. A part of you wonders if your friend even told him, but heâs not that cruel. So, whatever the case, Joshua must at least have some idea of what heâs walking into.Â
Several days pass between the nightmare of a call from Johnny and you actually meeting Joshua, which only adds to your anxiety about whether or not this is going to work. Johnny is asking for a name for the seating chart and for dinner selections. Your mom wants to know when theyâll be able to meet this new boyfriend before the wedding (because âmeeting him for the first time at a wedding is gaucheâ and we wouldnât want that). Your sister is convinced that he doesnât actually exist since you havenât posted him on social media. That you can at least answer to say that not everyone posts their entire life online like she does. It doesnât seem to allay her suspicions, though.Â
Then, thereâs the fact that youâre actually meeting Joshua for the first time at dinner. All you wanted was to go for coffee, yet he insisted. You couldnât exactly press the point. Not when youâre planning to ask this stranger to pretend to date you just so that you can avoid the embarrassment at your exâs wedding. On top of that, because Jeonghan really is a demon at his core, you donât know what Joshua looks like. Donât know who to look for. Which leads to you doing the only sensible thing and showing up 5 minutes late for dinner, hoping that heâll already be at the table when you get there.
It works.
When you give the reservation name at the host stand, youâre immediately led back to a table. Without even thinking about it, you smooth your hands down the front of your dress, looking for a small amount of comfort in this situation. Itâs not even that you struggle around new people, this is justâŠwell, itâs a lot. Itâs out of anyoneâs comfort zone. Whatever youâre expecting, itâs not the man sitting at the table the host leads you to. He nearly stops you in your tracks.Â
His black hair is perfectly styled down to the pieces on one side that come down over his forehead. The black dress shirt he wears is open at least one button too many, but he makes the exposed chest look work in a way models would envy. Even though his pants are black as well, he makes it look classic and effortless, rather than too dark. Thatâs all without even acknowledging the soft smile on his face. This man would break a thousand hearts without even saying a damn word. While youâre appreciating him, you miss the way his eyes rake over you appreciatively. Miss the way his eyes trace your curves and the way the dress clings to you.Â
In one fluid motion, heâs standing up to greet you, a gentle kiss placed on your cheek. Is it weird if your knees are a little weak? Well, even if it is, thereâs nothing you can do. Youâre completely captivated.Â
âYou must be Joshua,â you say. Brilliant, you think. Thatâs obvious.
âItâs nice to meet you. Jeonghan had nothing but good things to say,â he answers with another smile as he pulls your seat out for you.Â
âI feel like he hardly told me about you,â you respond. Joshua raises a perfect eyebrow at that.
âThen why did you agree to go out with me?â Joshua asks.Â
âGo out withâŠis this a date?â The question comes tumbling out.Â
Joshuaâs eyes widen in genuine confusion. âIs it not?âÂ
âWhat, exactly, did Jeonghan say to you?âÂ
A lot and nothing at all, it turns out. Joshua tells you about how heâs somewhat new to the area, which you knew. About how he met Jeonghan through work, kind of. They work in the same building doing very different things and happened to run into each other getting coffee a handful of times before Jeonghan introduced himself. The two had hung out several times, something Jeonghan had not really mentioned, and gotten to know each other over drinks more than once. The very first time, Jeonghan had mentioned you and Joshua admits immediately being intrigued without pressing for more information.Â
In any case, Jeonghan talked about you pretty freely, a fact thatâs hardly surprising. Before Joshua texted you, Jeonghan had mentioned, in what Joshua calls an offhand way, that you were sick of dating the same people. According to Joshua, through Jeonghan, you were looking to possibly be set up. (Read: Jeonghan thinks heâs crafty and isnât going to come out and tell this man what youâre really looking for. Typical Jeonghan, honestly. You know that âoffhand commentâ was anything but. And you had the audacity to think Jeonghan would have to tell Joshua what heâs getting into. Rookie move.)
Now youâre in a bit of an awkward situation because this man is honestly gorgeous, one of the prettiest humans youâve ever met. And, already, he seems like he might be sweet with a pretty good sense of humor. Itâs justâŠwell, youâre absolutely not looking for a relationship and this is the last person you want to get involved in your mess. Thankfully, you get a moment to catch your breath when someone comes by to take a drink order and suggest an appetizer. Itâs just enough time for you to talk yourself into telling Joshua the real story.
To his credit, he only looks mildly surprised as you outline your whole situation, inform him that yes, Jeonghan does know all of this, and clarify why you didnât actually realize it was a date. Itâs hard to miss the way his eyes seem to sparkle a bit when you also admit that heâs absolutely stunning in a way that hurts your feelings. Easier to miss is the way his face barely falls when you say that youâre not actually looking for something right now. Interesting.Â
âSo thatâs the whole thing and now that Iâve embarrassed myself in front of you, Iâm sure youâll understand if we never see each other after tonight,â you finish.
âHow am I supposed to go to a wedding as your boyfriend in a matter of weeks if we donât see each other after tonight?â Joshua wonders.
âIâŠwhat?â you sputter out.Â
âWell, sure, we need to work out a few details, but Iâm game,â Joshua says with a shrug.
âIâm sorry, I think Iâm just really confused?â You donât even have food yet and this is already the most interesting date youâve been on, possibly ever.Â
âI, uh, may have left a part of my past out when I was sharing what Jeonghan knew about me,â Joshua says. âAnd honestly, I canât believe I didnât catch it or that he did this. Iâd be mad if I wasnât so impressed by how crafty it was.âÂ
âIâm going to need you to connect some dots for me,â you admit. âOh and also never tell Jeonghan you appreciate him being crafty. His ego is too big as it is.â
âThe first time Jeonghan and I hung out, we went out for drinks, got a little wasted, and I told him about how I got through my university studies without any debts,â Joshua says, pausing long enough for someone to set the appetizer down. âHeâs observant, Jeonghan, Iâll give him that. He noticed I had designer clothes, shoes, that kind of thing. And he noticed I didnât pay attention to the prices of the drinks. So I made a vague comment about being lucky to have found a way through my studies without taking out loans.â
âIâm sure he asked you about that, he loves it when he thinks thereâs a scheme,â you note with a smile.
âYouâre right about that,â Joshua agrees. âSo I, well I told him. When I was in school, I met this woman out one night and she paid me to go to events with her. She wanted, and these were her words, âsomeone young and hotâ with her. And the next four years, thatâs what I did. I let people pay for me to go to events with them. Never more than that. I was clear that I wasnât selling sex or anything, just company.âÂ
You lean back in your seat with an appraising look. âAn entrepreneur from the beginning.âÂ
âHey, no judgment,â Joshua says. All you can do is smile.
âIâm not judging, that was really smart and youâre obviously attractive enough for it,â you acknowledge.
âThank you,â Joshua says. It doesnât have the air of cockiness Jeonghanâs answer would. He actually seems sincere in accepting the compliment.Â
âBut, Iâm still not going to pay you to pretend to be my boyfriend,â you say, even if itâs a bit reluctant.Â
âI wasnât asking you to,â Joshua shrugs. âYou donât have to pay me.â
âWhy would you offer to pretend to do something like this? You donât even know me,â you point out.
âNo, I donât. But, you seem like a good person. And I like Jeonghan, heâs niceâŠâ Joshua says, stopping when you try to cover a scoff.Â
âNice?â you question when youâre caught.
âWrong word choice,â Joshua dismisses. âHe seems like the kind of person thatâs a loyal friend, like he would go into battle to protect you. Like someone you can actually trust.â
âHe is all of those things, yeah,â you admit.
âAnd if those things are true, then him holding you out as his best friend means youâre probably all of those things too,â Joshua reasons.Â
âI try to be,â you agree.Â
âPlus, Jeonghan did mention you had seriously dated someone that was pretty rich, so I figure itâs probably the guy getting married and itâll be a nice wedding,â Joshua says with a smile. The joke is obvious by the look in his eyes.
âItâs interesting that he mentioned Johnny, thatâs my ex, being rich,â you idly comment.
âIs he not?â Joshua wonders.
âJeonghan is a lot of things, but heâd never lie to his friends,â you answer first. âSo, yeah, he is. Well, his family is at least. His mom and mine run a lot of events together, like galas and shit. Thatâs how we all know each other.â
âAre you rich, too?â Joshua wonders. Thereâs that little twinkle of something in his eyes again, but thereâs also sincerity.
âIâm still not paying you,â you retort.
âFine,â Joshua agrees.Â
You roll your eyes. âOkay, so whatâs the plan?âÂ
Thereâs a weird worldâs colliding feeling to having both Jeonghan and Joshua in your apartment. But, Jeonghan doesnât like to be left out of things. Once you told him that you and Joshua both knew about his scheming, he offered to help in any way he could. Which is likely just so heâs included. Youâll take what you can get. Now, it means that he and Joshua are sitting on your couch, scrolling through pictures on Joshuaâs phone to decide what to include in an instagram post. Thatâs the first step you and Joshua agreed on. If youâre going to sell this whole fake relationship, then your sister actually is right. There has to be some sort of proof of it online. Which also means that your post has to talk about how youâve been keeping it quiet and just enjoying getting to know each other without any pressure. Jeonghan takes credit for that, even if you got there on your own.Â
âI think I like this one,â Jeonghan says and turns the phone around to show you.Â
âWhy that one?â you ask.Â
âWhy not? Donât you like it?â Joshua worries.
âI donât know, I feel like my hand is doing something weird,â you point out.
âYou look great,â Joshua assures you.
âOh, ew, youâre not really dating,â Jeonghan complains.Â
âYou do know youâre going to have to stop saying that, right?â you ask.
âMaybe I didnât know either,â Jeonghan shrugs.
âNo, Iâm with her, youâre her best friend and you definitely wouldâve known,â Joshua agrees.Â
âWhy are you on her side already?â Jeonghan whines.
âBecause sheâs cool and sheâs not the one who knew what I did in college and set me up,â Joshua says with a laugh.Â
This is how itâs been going for the last hour. Youâre not really much for putting a lot of effort into your posts, so this all feels like too much. But, you know that itâs important for it to feel real and itâs important to get it right. Youâre honestly pretty happy to just let the guys take the lead and go with the flow of it all. There are going to be plenty of opportunities for you to take the lead. Youâre going to take your breaks where you can.Â
(That had also meant not putting up too much of a fight when Jeonghan told you to bring multiple outfits with you. Or when you had to change your hairstyle and makeup between the photos so it looked like they hadnât all been taken the same day. Honestly, this was so much easier for Joshua. Then again, heâs the one doing you a favor. So maybe you can let him have it.)
After you finally get your couple pictures posted, and get a flurry of messages ranging from surprise to congratulations, you move onto preparing Joshua to meet your parents, your sister, and her husband. Jeonghan is actually a lot of help with that because heâs been around them a lot. Well, heâs helpful after he tries to scare Joshua about how intimidating itâs going to be only to give up when Joshua is unbothered. Heâs so calm about everything that itâs actually kind of nice to be around. And he has no problem firing back at Jeonghan, which is really fun to watch.Â
You go through what your parents are like, what they do both for work and as hobbies. Joshua perks up at the mention of your dad loving music and sometimes spending his weekends just exploring new venues. It seems like there might be more to that, though you donât press when he waves it off. Itâs different when you talk about your sister, two years younger and already married. Not that youâre dying to be married or even care that she got married before you. Thatâs always seemed like a weird societal expectation, anyway. What does it matter when anyone gets married? If itâs their right person, then it makes sense. You being upset over your failed engagement really doesnât have anything to do with your sisterâs marriage, despite her instance it does.Â
It becomes obvious that youâre losing Jeonghanâs attention when you turn down his request to start playing games or watch a movie. Itâs not that you donât want to do those things, itâs just that you have a lot to cover in far less time than you realized. Sure, the wedding is still weeks away. Whatâs not weeks away is your first dinner with your family. Thatâs going to be around the corner. The least you could do, you figured, was plan a time before posting pictures on instagram. So, Jeonghan asks if itâs okay to leave and you almost sigh in relief. This will be easier without an extra person.
âNot to pry, but whatâs the deal with you and Jeonghan?â Joshua asks when you settle back on the couch with a glass of wine.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you ask.
âI donât know, I feel like I was picking up on something,â Joshua shrugs.
âWeâre really just friends,â you assure him.
âSometimes those are the bestâŠâ Joshua starts.
âDonât,â you cut off. He worries for a second before he realizes youâre smiling. âWe did try. Not so much a try, I guess, but we slept together maybe 6 months after Johnny and I broke it off and it just wasnât it.âÂ
âYou and him slept together?â Joshua questions.
âIs that weird for you?â you ask.
âNo, itâs just interesting that youâre still so close,â Joshua observes.
âI guess,â you say with a shrug. âHeâs great, obviously attractive, but we just, I donât know. I didnât feel anything. Neither did he. So, staying friends seemed like the right choice.â
âInteresting,â is all Joshua says. âHave you dated anyone seriously since Johnny?âÂ
âNot that seriously, no,â you admit. âIâve gone on dates with different people and some of them stuck around for a bit, but nothing serious.âÂ
âNot finding the right people?â Joshua presses.
âI just havenât found anyone that made me feel like Johnny did at the beginning or even like I did when he proposed,â you say.Â
âI can understand that, even if I donât really get it. Youâre gorgeous, anyone would be lucky,â he says smoothly. You cover a blush with a slight eye roll.Â
âI guess thatâs why most of my close friends will also believe that I kept a new relationship on the low. They saw me post-Johnny and have seen me try to date,â you share.
âYeah thatâs good for us, at least,â Joshua agrees.
âWhat about you, though? When was your last relationship?â you ask.
âAh, well itâs been a little over a year,â Joshua says.Â
âBad ending?â you wonder. Youâre not sure why you press him on it.
âIt wasnât great,â Joshua says with a chuckle. âShe, uh, well she decided that she just really would rather be with one of my friends than with me.â
âIâm so sorry you went through that,â you say, suddenly sorry.
âNo, no, itâs fine,â he says. âShe didnât actually cheat on me, but she had started getting close to him and sharing everything with him.â
âArguably worse, in my opinion. Emotional cheating is still a thing,â you say, trying to offer comfort.Â
âThank you,â Joshua says. His eyes are soft and full of care. âAnd, like you, I have dated since then, just nothing worth talking about.âÂ
Itâs an easy transition from that into talking about your backgrounds. Like speed dating, except somehow more intense. You learn Joshuaâs birthday, his parents names, that heâs an only child, and where he grew up. Nothing is too small and you joke about taking notes before you actually go to get a notebook. Joshua tells you his favorite color and his favorite food, tells you about his favorite memories, favorite places where he grew up, and favorite places heâs found since moving here. Thereâs a way that his face lights up when he talks about his friends thatâs drawing you in. You tell him the same. That all feels a little surface level, which you point out. If this is going to work, it has to be deeper, more serious.Â
Thatâs when something seems to almost break down. Joshua suggests that you tell each other the deep stuff, the things that you donât always admit to someone youâre dating. Or, maybe you admit it and donât get into the reasons why. When Joshua goes first and admits that heâs happiest when heâs playing his guitar, even if nobody else is listening, his whole face changes. Itâs like a completely different version of him. Heâs got an open face as it is, that hasnât changed, but you realize maybe heâs a little guarded behind the smile as well. Maybe there really is more depth than he wants anyone to realize. Maybe this is going to be more interesting than you thought.
âCan I hear you play?â you ask. His face is adorable with his eyes full of surprise.
âYou want to hear me play?â Thereâs an emotion you canât place when he looks at you.
âI love music, too, Joshua,â you say softly. âIâd love to see what youâre passionate about.â
âOh, well, I usually play at this acoustic night on Thursdays at a coffee shop downtown,â Joshua tells you.
âYou do? Thatâs so cute!â you say before second guessing it. He looks away like heâs a little embarrassed and you worry for a split second.
âIâd love it if you came by,â he says.
âItâs a shame that we canât say thatâs where we met,â you admit.
âWait, that would be a good idea, actually,â Joshua says and you smile.Â
âIt would be, but I also know events like that. Itâs always a similar crowd so Iâm sure someone will know that Iâve never been,â you reason.Â
âFair point,â Joshua concedes.Â
âWhy donât we just say we met on a dating app?â you suggest and Joshua pulls up his face. âOkay, I know apps are lame and honestly, I donât use them much. But, think about it. Thatâs the perfect reason why we didnât bring it up until now, we didnât want to answer the âwhere did you meetâ question by saying an app.âÂ
âOkay, yeah, I do actually like that because itâs easy and it doesnât feel like a wild story,â Joshua says.Â
âWhat about your parents?â you ask. âDo we need to make plans to meet them if youâre also posting about me?âÂ
âWe can figure that out, but they live pretty far away so it would probably just be over FaceTime or something,â he says.
âI also understand if you donât want to do that because weâre just pretending,â you suggest.Â
âNo, itâd be cool to have you meet them. Even if the relationship isnât real, Iâd like to be friends for real, so thatâs not a total lie,â Joshua reasons.Â
âIâd like to be friends too,â you agree. âHow long have you been living here, now?âÂ
âOh, um, like 8 months?â Joshua says like a question.
âI was figuring like a month or two with the way Jeonghan talks about you,â you laugh.Â
âYouâve been friends with him for years, youâre not actually surprised,â Joshua points out.Â
âOkay so now I guess we have to figure out when we started dating,â you comment.
âAnd everything else, but we can do it,â Joshua says.Â
Youâre a little nervous sitting on your couch waiting for Joshua to show up. Even though you offered to pick him up for dinner with your family tonight, he insisted on being the one to drive. Of course heâs right on time, which youâre already realizing is a trait of his. Heâs even a gentleman when he opens the door for you, just like he pulled the chair out the first time you met for the date-not-date. As you put your seatbelt on, you notice that there are a few things in the backseat.Â
âWhatâs all that?â you ask as he slides into the driverâs seat.Â
âFlowers for your mom, a bottle of scotch for your dad, and a cheese board for your sister because you said they just moved and she likes to host,â Joshua lists off as if itâs nothing.
âYou did not have to get things for all of them,â you point out.Â
âOf course I did, but I also wanted to. Iâm trying to make a good impression,â he says, making your heart a little light.
âThatâs so kind,â you whisper out.
âOh, I thought of something else,â Joshua shifts. Youâre worried you made him uncomfortable until he speaks again. âAre you a pet name person in relationships?â
That makes you snort, something that would embarrass you in any other situation. Itâs not the first time heâs heard it, though. âThat depends on what you want to call me.â
âThatâs a dangerous way to say that,â Joshua answers. His eyes are still on the road, yet you donât miss the way he reacts.
âI donât like overly cutesy names,â you say to diffuse a little bit of the moment. âLike, I donât know, if you want to call me sugarplum or honeybunch or something like that, please donât.â
âYouâre just giving me ideas to take away my fun,â he pouts.
âWell, what were you thinking of calling me? Or are you even a pet name person?â you ask.
âI do like them,â Joshua says. âIâm not sure that I have a go-to or anything. For you, I might say angel or possibly darling.â
âI think I prefer angel, if Iâm allowed to pick,â you say after a moment.
âOf course,â Joshua replies. Studying his face, youâre looking for a hint of mocking or insincerity, but thereâs nothing to find. This is just him.
âDo you want me to use a pet name for you?â you wonder.
âIâd happily take one, no pressure, though,â he says.Â
âIâll have to think about it,â you tell him. âSomething generic like babe doesnât feel right.â
âAre you saying Iâm special?â Now you can hear the light teasing in his voice.Â
âI take it back, any more compliments are going to go to your head,â you huff out.Â
As you get closer to your parentsâ house, you start to bounce your knee with an excess of nervous energy. Itâs not until Joshua reaches a hand out to take one of yours that youâre even sure youâre doing it. Thereâs something calming about it, though. Nothing about him reaching out feels like heâs trying to stop you, just show that youâre not alone in this. Which is more than welcome. The last person you brought to meet your parents was Johnny. Given how that ended and why Joshua is around in the first place, itâs not exactly the most comforting thought.
Once you pull up to their house, you take a deep breath. Itâs only to settle your rising nerves, but it also serves to give Joshua enough time to come and open your door. Even though youâve told him that he doesnât need to be this sweet, he insists. Without saying a word, he holds out a hand to help you out of the car. Instead of dropping your hand once youâre out, he uses it to pull you into him and wraps his arms around you. Thereâs this immediate sense of comfort, like you have actually been dating for months. You inhale his cologne without meaning to, something warm and woodsy.Â
âItâs going to be fine, parents love me,â he assures you when you pull away.
âI donât doubt that,â you say, releasing the breath you were holding and your tension with it.Â
âSo come on, my little granola wrapper, letâs go,â Joshua says as he lets you go to get the gifts out of his backseat.Â
It takes you a full few seconds to register what came out of his mouth. âIâm sorry, what did you just call me?âÂ
âIs that not the one?â he asks, eyes alight with some kind of mischief.Â
âIâm not going to encourage this,â you huff.
âWhatever you say, jellybean,â he throws out casually.Â
The second you step into the house, you see exactly what Joshua means. Your mother is fawning over him in a matter of seconds, your father is making plans to show him his records, your sisterâs husband is asking when they can go out for drinks, and your sister even holds back the snark. All during the course of the pre-dinner drinks and largely, you think, due to the gifts that Joshua brought. He had a reason for the meaning behind the type of flowers for your mother, a favorite musician who swore by the scotch for your dad, and even bought the cheese board from a small business that customized things.Â
Dinner comes along and you still feel like youâve barely said anything with Joshua masterfully steering the conversation. He even makes it sound good that you met on an app, with his improvised story of wanting to meet people in a new city. According to him, he wasnât expecting to meet someone like you and was done for the second he saw you sitting at dinner. Itâs something real, that you met him for dinner the first time at a fancy downtown restaurant. And you realize you never actually asked what his impression was that first night. More than once, you catch yourself watching his profile as he talks to one of your family members. Everything about him is at ease and you wonder if it really is all fake. Not that you think anything about him is disingenuous, heâs just really good at making people like him.Â
The only hiccup doesnât come until your mother is pulling out dessert. According to your sister, sheâs got an excellent pie in the refrigerator that you simply have to try. Youâre about to say something when Joshua beats you to it.Â
âI donât think my little sugarplum likes fruit pies, but it sounds amazing and Iâd love a piece,â Joshua interjects smoothly.Â
Your sister nearly spits out her drink, whether itâs at the nickname or him speaking up for you, youâre not sure. In any other situation, you would scold him for the name, but youâre a little stunned he remembers you donât like pie. It came up once in a rapid fire of likes and dislikes.Â
âYouâre right, she doesnât,â your sister agrees. âIâd almost forgotten.âÂ
(Thatâs when youâre sure it was another of your sisterâs tests. Trying to catch you in some kind of lie about your relationship. But, it doesnât work and you feel a little victorious for that.)
The doorbell rings through the house and you look to your mother, silently asking if sheâs expecting someone. Itâs unusual for them to have company calling this late on a Friday night. Itâs usually reserved for dinners with friends or family or galas. Unsurprisingly, your mother doesnât seem to know who it could be, but disappears to answer the door all the same. When a voice drifts through from the hallway, you freeze on the spot.
âI really just came by to drop that off for my mom, I didnât realize it was so late. Iâd hate to intrude on dessert,â the guest says.Â
âNonsense, youâre not interrupting,â your mother insists.Â
âI saw an unfamiliar car, so I figured you might have guests,â he says as they come through the doorway into the living area.Â
Your heart stutters a little in your chest, feels heavier for seeing him. Somehow he looks taller and broader than the last time you saw him. Heâs wearing his hair shorter and he looks more mature, somehow, like heâs seen so much more of the world than when you were together. Which is probably true, if you think about it. Itâs been a couple years and that means heâs had more time working with his father.Â
âThat would be my car,â Joshua says, getting to his feet immediately and extending his hand. âIâm Joshua.âÂ
âJohnny,â he answers and shakes Joshuaâs hand. Yet, his face looks a little tense and his eyes mostly stay on you.Â
âItâs just family,â your mother shares, though Johnny can obviously see that himself, âsince our darling daughter finally brought Joshua around to meet us.âÂ
âIâm glad she did, dinner was wonderful and the company was even better,â Joshua says with a smile at your mother. She nearly blushes at his compliment.Â
âOh, hush,â your mother says with a wave of her hand. âI was just getting some pie if youâd like to stay for a piece, Johnny. Although, Iâd hate to keep you from home.â
Joshua sits back down next to you, a little closer than is strictly necessary, and puts his arm along the back of the couch behind you. You feel safe pressed up against his side like that. Johnny clears his throat when he looks away from the pair of you. âGabby has been out of town all week, actually, so Iâm going back to an empty home anyway. Iâd love to stay for a piece of your famous cherry pie.âÂ
âGreat!â your mother says and disappears off into the kitchen.Â
âWhatâs got Gabby away?â your sister asks.Â
âJust a conference,â Johnny answers. âThere was a final banquet tonight and sheâll be home tomorrow.âÂ
âSheâs busy, away this week, bachelorette next weekend,â she says offhand.Â
âKeeping tabs on when everything is?â you ask of your sister. She looks at you like youâre crazy and Johnny looks awkward.
âNo, I was invited to it,â your sister answers evenly.Â
Before you can even answer, Joshua is speaking up. Probably sensing your discomfort. After all, you hadnât gotten to tell him that Johnnyâs fiance is friends with your younger sister. They had gone to school together and been close. Stealing her sisterâs fiancĂ©e doesnât seem to have impacted the friendship.Â
âYou must be excited with the big day getting so close,â Joshua says. He moves his arm from behind you so that he can take your hand on your thigh. It makes you look down at your hands before glancing at him, only to find his gaze on you already. It also means you miss the way Johnny follows the movement.Â
âUh, yeah, I mean, Iâm definitely excited. Itâs just been a lot of planning,â Johnny says.Â
âI bet,â Joshua says. âThank you so much for inviting me, I know how stressful changes can be.âÂ
âItâs no problem, Iâm happy youâll both be there,â Johnny says.Â
With almost a practiced subtlety, Joshua squeezes your hand. Thereâs so much in that one movement. A reassurance, a reminder to breathe, a reminder that heâs there, a promise that everything is going to be okay. Your heart hurts seeing Johnny sitting in the living room so casually as if nothing happened, but it doesnât hurt as much as you expected. Maybe that has something to do with this impossibly kind, completely idiotic person next to you. You also canât help the way your gaze lands on him. Just in profile, at first, before he senses your look and turns to you with a dazzling smile. Itâs like thereâs nobody else in the world but the two of you.
The conversation shifts slightly when your mother comes back in with a tray full of pie slices and your father comes back with whatever record he was looking for to show Joshua. Just like that, you survive your first in-person interaction with Johnny. Actually come out of it feeling like you might be able to handle this. The smile you send Joshua while heâs eating his pie is so fond that youâre not even sure who you are.Â
âI canât believe you didnât call me last night,â Jeonghan says in lieu of a hello.
âHello to you too, Iâm good, thanks for asking,â you retort.
âGreetings are for people who remember their best friends, not for people who send a single sentence recap after bringing their fake boyfriend home to meet the family,â Jeonghan states immediately.
âThatâs a very long rule,â you note.
âDeserved, though,â Jeonghan says.
âI was tired, Han, it was a long night,â you explain.
âA long night where your ex showed up,â he reminds you.
âThat actually wasnât so bad,â you admit. âJoshua made it feel pretty easy.â
âOh did he now?âÂ
You donât have to be in the same room as Jeonghan to hear the expression on his face when he says that. âIt was just easy, Jeonghan, nothing more than that.â
âWhat did your parents think?â he asks, switching gears.
âThey loved him, like actually loved him. My mom was enamored and kept calling him handsome. My dad was talking about music with him and making plans to go check out some acoustic music venue. Even the ice queen couldnât find anything to fault him for,â you share.
âSheâs less of an ice queen and more of a mean girl and a bitch,â Jeonghan adds.
âYou said it,â you mumble.
âI mean, come on, who thinks itâs okay for their friend to sleep with their sisterâs fiancĂ©? And then stays friends with the girl?â Jeonghan gets really defensive with this. He would ride for you to the ends of the world, which you do love. Just not today.Â
âI donât wanna relive that whole thing, itâs done and over. Nothing to do now,â you say, weariness seeping into your voice.
âWould you want to do anything about it?â Jeonghan asks.
âWhat do you mean?â You answer the question with a question.
âLike would you want to go back to when you were with Johnny?â Jeonghan asks.
You think about it for half a second. âNo.âÂ
âThat was fast,â Jeonghan comments.
âWhatâs there to go back to? He made his choice and Iâm fine, honestly. It was weird seeing him and hearing him talk about his wedding, but it wasnât as bad as I thought,â you say.
âIs that because of your Prince Charming?â Your best friend, always doing the most, puts this question into a sing-song voice.Â
âHeâs not a Prince Charming. Youâre so annoying,â you scoff.Â
âI donât know, he sure seems to be saving you,â Jeonghan presses.Â
âI canât withâŠâ you start, trailing off at the knock on your door.
âWhoâs there?â Jeonghan asks.Â
âNo clue,â you answer, getting off your couch to go see.Â
âI bet itâs Prince Charming,â Jeonghan laughs out.
âWould you fuckâŠâ you begin as you open the door to find the very subject of your conversation on the other side, âoff.â
âIâm right arenât I?â Jeonghan is nearly shrieking with glee.
âSorry, gotta go,â you say.
âOh no, no, no,â Jeonghan tries.
Youâre stepping aside to let Joshua into your apartment. âIâll see you tomorrow for brunch.â
âLet me know if I need to add one more to the reservation,â Jeonghan says.Â
âGoodbye,â you say with an eye roll Jeonghan canât see, but will surely hear. You hang up as soon as he also says goodbye.
âJeonghan?â Joshua guesses.
âUnfortunately,â you confirm.Â
âI hope I wasnât interrupting,â Joshua says. Itâs nothing like when someone says it out of forced courtesy. He actually seems like heâs making sure heâs not intruding.Â
âNo, not at all, I just wasnât expecting you,â you admit.Â
âSometimes thatâs the best time to come over,â Joshua says with a shrug.
âDoes that mean you have a plan?â you wonder.
âYup,â Joshua says.
âGonna tell me what it is?â you ask.
âNope,â he says with a concerning smile, popping the end of nope. âGo put on something comfortable but with layers. And weâre not going hiking or anything like that.âÂ
An hour later, youâre pulling off the road in an area youâve never been to, even with as long as youâve lived here. The views are instantly enough to take your breath away. You can see the whole city below you, all the bustle of traffic and skyscrapers. Somewhere, you know there are people rushing to and fro, too busy to stop and appreciate whatâs around them. Straight ahead, you can see the way the low clouds glide around, splitting around the very tops of the buildings. Itâs beautiful and it also makes you realize just how small you are.Â
While youâve been appreciating the views in front of you, Joshua has been gathering his supplies from the trunk. By the time you turn around, heâs laying a blanket and basket down on the ground in front of the car.Â
âIs thisâŠdid you set up a picnic?â you ask.
âI wanted to show you this place and figured some food might be nice,â he says with an easy smile.Â
âThatâs so sweet,â you say earnestly.
You settle on the blanket next to him and look through the food heâs pulling out. There are some of your favorite things and some things youâre not even sure youâve seen before. Somehow, though, you feel like they might become some of your new favorites. He even brought plates and he sets about putting one together for you to pick at.
Joshua tells you about how this is his favorite place and he found it completely by accident. He loves being down in the city and around all the people, but thereâs something nice about seeing things from this perspective too. Itâs like he can just disconnect for a while. Turn off his phone. Read or listen to music. Just be totally alone. Itâs how he works through a problem or gets the perspective he needs.
âI canât believe youâre sharing it with me,â you admit and his eyes light up with his smile.
âI just thought, after last night, you might appreciate having a place to get away from it all,â Joshua says.
You want to say something, anything, really, to acknowledge what Joshua just said. Try to say something. Your throat doesnât want to cooperate, it seems. Your brain, either. In fact, all you can manage to do is turn away to hide the tears. Joshua is observant, though. He doesnât say anything, just pulls you into his chest and runs his hand along your back. He quietly soothes you as you cry out a lot of emotions you didnât even realize you were experiencing.Â
And something about him comforting you, this near stranger who doesnât actually owe you anything, sets you off more. In the early days of your relationship with Johnny, you know it was good. It must have been. Surely, it was more than a relationship between two people who had known each other for years with families that were intertwined. You donât remember it anymore. Donât remember him ever holding you like this without even knowing what was wrong. Donât remember him taking you on a date like this just because he thought you would enjoy it. Since you havenât seriously dated anyone since the break-up, he also feels like your only frame of reference. That makes you sad for an entirely different reason. Who loses it over someone just being a little kind?
âIâm so sorry,â you finally say when you manage to pull yourself together.Â
âFor what?â he asks.Â
âFor just crying like that and being such a mess,â you say.Â
Joshua shakes his head. Moves his hand up to your face and waits for confirmation that itâs okay. When you nod, he gently wipes the tears from under your eyes. âYou have nothing to apologize for. What youâre going through with your ex, most of us could never even imagine that kind of pain.â
âBut still, you barely know me and here you are trying to be kind and all I can do is cry,â you say.Â
âFirst of all, I think last night and the food I put together show Iâve actually learned a lot about you in a short time,â he says and you have to laugh at that. Heâs right. âSecond, Iâm just happy you feel safe enough with me to cry. Itâs not healthy to hold all that in. Youâre not in this alone.â
That brings you up short more than anything. Heâs right, again (an annoying habit, if youâre being honest). You donât feel any hesitation around him. Nothing to stop you from crying if you feel like crying. Thatâs unusual, to say the least. Normally, youâll do anything to avoid anyone seeing you emotional. But, this man you just met is different. Heâs safe. Youâre not sure how or why, but you know you can trust him.Â
âAre you free tomorrow for brunch?â you ask. Joshua gives you a quizzical look for a moment at the sudden topic change.Â
âYeah, why?â he asks.Â
âI just need to send one quick text and then I want to do what you said you normally do here. Disconnect from the world and just appreciate the afternoon,â you say and find yourself smiling along with his smile. He really is so beautiful.Â
You: add one to the reservation for brunch tomorrow and iâll call you tonight when iâm home
You switch your phone into Do Not Disturb before the response comes and turn all your attention back to Joshua.Â
Over the next couple weeks, Joshua slips seamlessly into your life and your existing friendships. Some of them, like those closest to you that come along to the Sunday brunches, know the whole story. Itâs not like they would believe you had kept a relationship secret for that long, anyway. And itâs good to have a few extra sets of eyes and ears helping to sell the story. Other friends get the same story that your family and Johnny got. Itâs not that you donât trust them, you do. Itâs more important to keep the circle of people who know the real story as small as possible, though, so that it actually succeeds. All your friends adore him from the second they meet him. The only surprise is how well Jeonghan seems to be adjusting to sharing your time. He wants to give you a hard time, yet he doesnât.Â
You meet all Joshuaâs friends and coworkers, too. It feels way easier than it should the first time you join him and his coworkers after work for drinks. They spend most of the time giving Joshua a hard time that heâs kept you to himself for so long. Itâs easy to fall into step and you find that you do know him a lot better than you think. So, itâs just as easy for you to jump in when theyâre giving him a hard time. He pretends to be annoyed, but you can tell by the way he smiles that he likes it. Itâs one of those genuine smiles that makes his eyes bigger and brighter. Everything just feelsâŠeasy. Like this whole thing wasnât actually a bad idea after all.Â
Your favorite part might be the first time you got with him to an Open Mic Night and get to see him play. Heâs got that easy kind of confidence on the guitar. Like he knows heâs talented, but not in a cocky way. Itâs his singing that catches you off guard. His voice moves over the notes with an ease that makes you wonder why this isnât something heâs doing for a living. Heâs got this way of pulling you into songs that you donât even know. And heâs so kind with the people that show up just to see him play. They all seem just as happy to meet you and know that heâs happy.Â
Thereâs only been one part thatâs been difficult. Not difficult, exactly, but not as comfortable as some of the other things. While you and Joshua talked through anything and everything to prepare to start a fake relationship, you covered comfort levels with physical affection. You both say youâre comfortable with physical touch, though he seems to seek it out more than you do. That includes at least some level of PDA as a couple. Youâve never really been one to just randomly make out with a partner in public, but youâve never been shy about expressing affection either. It was fine, when it was all theoretical.Â
In actual practice, itâs been a little more difficult. The first time Joshua had pressed a kiss to the side of your head while you were out with people that didnât know it was fake caught you off guard. It shouldnât have, he asked before doing it and you confirmed it was fine. What you hadnât been entirely prepared for was how it would feel when he did it. Or how it would feel that he was so casual about it, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like it wasnât making you rethink everything in your life.Â
Tonight, youâre hanging out with friends at Hyejinâs house. You and her have been friends since before you even started school. So, she knows whatâs really going on with Joshua. Your other friends there, though, are mostly not in on it. Which is fine. Youâre shockingly comfortable with the song and dance.Â
Itâs not actually fine.Â
It starts the same as any other time youâve been out somewhere with him. Youâre sitting close together on the couch, thighs pressed together, with his arm behind you along the back of the couch. Periodically, his fingers play with the sleeve of your shirt. Itâs an absentminded habit and youâre used to it. Heâs usually keeping some sort of contact with you in a very subtle way. You learned right away that he did like physical touch, but it was rarely something obvious. One drink in and his affection got a little more obvious. Arm wrapped firmly around you. More kisses pressed to the side of your head.Â
Two drinks in and it changes again. He removes his arm from around you in favor of holding your hand. Playing with your fingers while heâs having other conversations, like he doesnât even realize. Hand squeezing your thigh. Or tracing patterns into the material of your pants. Head dropping down on your shoulder when heâs not talking to someone else. And itâs definitely not fine. Youâre nursing your drink, but even if you werenât, his constant presence would sober you. Since youâve just finally finished your first, you think maybe a second is a good idea.
Itâs not. Joshua gets another drink, his third, and you decline. Instead, you stick with the water youâve been drinking since you couldnât even finish your second. You want to be able to respond, whatever happens. Respond to whatever new form of affection unlocks with this next drink.Â
âI hope you stick around, youâre my favorite of the partners that weâve met,â Mimi announces to Joshua when he plops back down next to you.Â
Youâre glad that you hadnât taken a sip because it wouldâve come out immediately. Mimi has been a friend for a long time as well, and you love her, but she doesnât know the truth.Â
âDonât I know it,â Joshua agrees, earning a lot of laughter.Â
âHave you met Johnny yet? I know youâre going to the wedding,â Taehyung wonders.Â
âYeah Johnny showed up magically the night I brought him by to meet my parents, sister, and brother-in-law,â you say, regaining some composure.Â
âI think you traded up,â Joshua says, eyes laser focused on you.Â
Youâre not so lucky this time and you just took a sip. You nearly choke. âDo you?â
âDefinitely,â Joshua insists.Â
âI agree,â Jimin says and Mimi elbows him in the side. âWhat?â
âYouâre going to the wedding,â she says.Â
âSo? Heâs a fucking tool,â Jimin shrugs off.Â
âAre you all going, then?â Joshua asks.Â
âA good portion of us, yeah,â Hyejin says. âFamily connections, you know?âÂ
âI wasnât invited,â Mimi pouts.Â
âWant to come?â Taehyung asks and Mimi laughs.Â
âTae, my love, you canât just invite people,â Mimi says and shakes her head.Â
âI have a plus-one,â Taehyung says with a shrug. âI think we all knew I wouldnât make it to the wedding in my relationship. But, Johnny still thinks Iâm bringing someone.â
âDamn, okay. Iâm in,â Mimi says.Â
âIâm not going either, my family ties werenât enough to get an invite,â Jeonghan says without any sorrow in his eyes.Â
âThatâs because of what you said to him after the break up,â Hyejin interrupts with a laugh.Â
âI donât remember saying anything that bad,â Jeonghan shrugs, and examines his finger nails to show how little he cares.Â
âRemind me to show you what he said some time, it was fucking gold,â Hyejin says to Joshua.
âDo you have it saved?â you ask.
âI should have it framed, honestly,â Hyejin says. âGet you a best friend like Jeonghan, for real, for real.âÂ
âHey, thatâs my best friend, get your own,â you joke.Â
âThatâs a shame you wonât be there though, Han, I couldâve used the familiar face,â Joshua says.
âLike youâre going to be paying attention to anyone but your date,â Hyejin teases.Â
âCan you blame me? I still canât believe how lucky I got,â Joshua says without any hint that heâs pretending. It makes your heart skip a couple beats as you try to catch your breath.Â
âUgh, Iâm so single,â Mimi whines.Â
âMaybe not after the wedding,â Hyejin teases.Â
The conversations devolve from there into separate, smaller chats. Joshua is back to tracing patterns into your leg. Without warning, he pops his head up and places a quick peck on your lips before dropping his head onto your shoulder again. Heâs so nonchalant about it that youâre not really sure it even happened. Youâve kissed a couple times like that, quick pecks in public. But, itâs always been when youâve talked about it. It isnât until you look up to meet Jeonghanâs eyes that you know it all really happened.Â
Joshua, unaware that heâs just turned your world a little upside down, moves his head to look at you again. âYouâre beautiful, you know.â
Itâs barely a whisper and you know heâs not drunk. Heâs not sober either, though. And youâve had drinks around each other before. Heâs just never been quite so glued to your side or free with the compliments. Youâre also not usually so singularly focused on him. A fact that doesnât go entirely unnoticed.Â
âThank you,â you whisper back.Â
âIâm kinda hungry,â he continues in a bit of a whine.Â
âWell you were the one who thought skipping dinner was smart,â you tease him.Â
âBut my little honeybunch,â he teases back. You snort and miss the way several of your friends watch the interaction because they know how you are about weird pet names.Â
âTry again, sweetheart,â you answer.Â
âSweetheart, I like the way that sounds,â he says, distracted.Â
âJust a little longer and we can leave and get something to eat,â you say and he sighs.Â
âFine,â he concedes and kisses your cheek, just barely a whisper away from the corner of your mouth.Â
About half an hour later, you say your goodbyes. Despite your suggestions, Joshua continued drinking instead of switching to water. Itâs as fine as it can be, though. Heâs just an affectionate drinker. He wraps an arm around you, slipping a hand into your back pocket so that he can whisper thanks again. You do your best to shrug it off and let him drape his arms around your shoulder instead.Â
The car ride is quiet, initially. You pick a playlist that he made for you after you first met. Something he seems to enjoy. Youâre nearly back at his place when he says that he doesnât have anything to eat. But, luckily, thereâs a place around the corner that he loves thatâs still open. He manages to place an order on the app, gets something for you as well, and pays before getting there. All you have to do is walk in.Â
âI hope youâll come in and eat with me,â he says when you get back into the car.Â
Youâre not really sure how to tell him that you donât want to. Not because you donât want to spend time with him. Or that you donât appreciate him ordering something he knows youâll like. No, itâs so much deeper than that. Itâs that you donât know if your heart can handle it. Youâve got a couple more weeks of this and your heart is taking a beating. All of this is fake. Itâll be over after the wedding. But, the compliments donât feel fake. The kisses donât feel fake. The affection doesnât feel fake. Your heart racing is real, oh so real. You donât need anyone to tell you that youâre in way too deep.Â
None of that comes out, though.Â
âSure, sweetheart,â you say and hold your breath for a second. You hadnât meant to say that when it was just you.Â
Joshua smiles over at you. âReally do like that.âÂ
Does he know what heâs doing to you? Can he hear your heart hammering in your chest? Can he hear your breath catch? Does he know how insanely beautiful he is? Or that heâs all the more beautiful because heâs so unfailingly kind?Â
Probably not, because he gets distracted and starts singing along as the song changes. Itâs welcome, but also a little devastating. His voice cuts through you in a way youâre still very unprepared to handle.
After another few minutes, youâre at Joshuaâs place. He springs back into action and tries to open your door for you, even though youâre the driver. He settles for taking hold of your hand as he walks to his door, only reluctantly dropping it when he gets to the door.Â
His apartment is familiar to you, it has to be for this to be believable. So, he sets the food out and you grab plates. You grab a couple waters from the fridge while he takes the food over to the couch, bypassing the table. You sit next to him, leaving enough space between you that youâre not touching. Hoping he doesnât think anything of it.Â
Itâs useless, apparently, because he slides over to press into your side.
Whatâs worse (not that you thought that was possible) is that he picks things off of your plate and gives you food off his plate. Tries to feed it to you, actually, and pouts when you donât let him. It takes everything in you not to beg him to be gentle on your heart. He doesnât even seem to realize what heâs doing to you as he smiles and jokes. Doesnât seem to think twice about playing with your hands or his hand on your leg or any of the things he usually does when you have an audience. Thereâs nobody here to see and heâs not usually this touchy when youâre alone. Maybe itâs the drinks.
âI like your friends a lot, you know,â he says out of nowhere.
âThey like you, too,â you assure him.
âWhat about you?â he asks.
âIâd assume they like me as well,â you laugh out.
âNo, I meant me. Do you like me?â he asks, eyes big and vulnerable.
Please, Joshua, Iâm begging you. Be gentle with me, you think so loud youâre worried he might hear.
âIâm actually a little sick of you,â you joke.Â
âBut, but,â he begins and dramatically throws himself in your lap.Â
âYouâre the worst,â you say without any bite. Your hands find their way into his hair, softly running through the strands.
âThat feels nice,â he says softly. âCan I just stay like this? Iâm tired.âÂ
âOf course,â you whisper.
âYouâll stay with me?â he asks, sounding like heâs about to drift off.
Youâre sure he wonât remember any of this. Not because heâs drunk, but heâs on the edges of sleep. So, you answer in a whisper. âAlways.âÂ
Maybe heâs not the one that needs to be careful with your heart. Maybe itâs you that needs to be careful. You know that you could walk away. That you could just remind him that this is all fake and thereâs nobody around to see now. Thatâs not what you do. So, maybe youâre just as much to blame.Â
Sunday
Joshua: thanks for taking care of me last night
Joshua: idk why the drinks hit me so hard
Joshua: when did you leave?Â
Monday
Joshua: is everything okay? Did i say something stupid?
Tuesday
Joshua: i donât wanna sound clingy but are we still getting together at your place after work?
Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know that you need to respond. You know that what youâre doing isnât fair to anyone. Itâs not like Joshua can somehow read your mind to realize youâre spiraling. It just feels a little paralyzing. This is a weird limbo of knowing you might be in over your head, but still believing this is all fake.Â
Jeonghan: hey dummy i know youâre ignoring joshua so iâm coming over tonightÂ
Jeonghan: i told him youâve been busy at work and i havenât heard from you either but we have some talking to do
Leave it to Jeonghan. You had almost forgotten, with how well youâve gotten to know Joshua, that it was Jeonghan who introduced you in the first place. Of course he would text your best friend when he couldnât get a hold of you. Does that make you feel better? Not really, you think, because it feels like a real relationship in a way. Oh well, you can talk about it with Jeonghan. If he shows up, that is.
And he does, less than an hour later.
âIâm here,â he announces when he comes in the door.
âThanks for knocking and giving me the chance to pretend Iâm not here,â you call back.
âYour car is outside and you have your location turned on,â Jeonghan says.Â
âRight,â you answer as he comes through the hall holding a bag from your favorite take out place.
âAt least I come bearing gifts,â he says.
âYouâre an angel, do you know that?â you ask and reach for the bag.
Jeonghan snorts. âIâm gonna remind you of that the next time you call me a demon.âÂ
âWell, Lucifer was a fallen angel,â you reason with a shrug.Â
âI hate you,â he says.
âI know,â you answer.Â
Jeonghan busies himself with taking out the food and making sure you have napkins. Tells you what he wants to drink when you get up to go into the kitchen. Calls for you to grab some utensils as well. By the time you sit back down with him, heâs flipping through a streaming service trying to find something to watch. Itâs not at all what youâre expecting and you just let it happen. The two of you have been friends long enough to know you should just let things play out.
With some mindless show on in the background, Jeonghan talks about work and your friends and everything else thatâs been going on the past few days. Like itâs been weeks since you last saw him. Mostly, he talks about how Taehyung has been blowing up his phone asking for advice about Mimi, which is actually news to you. Sure, you saw him ask her if she wanted to go with him to the wedding. What you had not expected was for him to actually be interested. Which he is, if his messages to Jeonghan are anything to go by. Itâs been everything from advice about talking to her to what kinds of things she might like as a surprise. They would probably be cute, you think.Â
âYeah, well, sometimes feelings catch us off guard,â Jeonghan says when you admit your surprise.
Damn. Did you really walk right into that?
âTrue,â you admit, knowing thatâs the best answer you can give.
âTalk to me,â Jeonghan urges.Â
âAbout what?â you ask to buy more time.
âJoshua,â he says.
âThereâs nothing to talk about,â you state. That makes him fix you with a look.
âClearly there is or you wouldnât be ignoring him,â he says.Â
âWeâre not really dating so I donât owe him constant updates. Iâm not ignoring him. I just have other shit to do,â you say without looking at him.
âWould you like to be?â he asks. That does make you turn to him.
âLike to be what?â you ask, though you think you know.
âReally dating him,â Jeonghan says.
Itâs a crossroads kind of moment. You could say that you donât want that. That would be a lie, though, and Jeonghan doesnât like it when you lie. Can always tell the second you say something thatâs not true. The truth is that youâve spent nearly every moment since that stupid night at Hyejinâs place thinking about what you actually feel for your fake boyfriend.Â
âI donâtâŠknow,â you say slowly and earn a smile because itâs not a lie.
âI was there the other night too, I saw the way it all played out,â he says.
âI mean, does it matter? This is all fake and soon, itâll be over,â you say.
âOf course it matters and itâll be over soon? Please,â Jeonghan scoffs. âI know heâs told you that he wants to keep you in his life after Johnnyâs wedding. So, what? Youâre just gonna be like okay, that was fun, letâs never talk again?â
âI donât know, maybe,â you say quietly.
He rolls his eyes. âTry again, buttercup.âÂ
âIt doesnât matter. He doesnât like me like that, heâs just nice,â you say, avoidant as ever.Â
âHe looks at you like heâd give you the moon if you asked for it,â Jeonghan snorts out.
âHeâs just nice, Han,â you disagree.
âMaybe,â your closest friend concedes, a rare move for him. It feels weird all the same. âWhatever it is, text him back. He misses you and I donât want to hear anymore about how heâs worrying he upset you.â
âHeâs been worrying that he upset me?â you ask. Your heart constricts at that.
âYeah, for some reason he actually likes your company,â he says. âCanât relate.â
You smack Jeonghan on the arm. âSays the man who shows up at my place unannounced when I ignore him for a day.â
âNo, I was just bored,â he argued. âAnd youâre way too stubborn to sort out your shit on your own.â
 âIâm not stubborn, but fine, Iâll text him,â you relent.
âNow,â he says.
âWhat?â
âText him now so that I know you actually did it.â
You roll your eyes at him, but pull your phone out anyway. Angling it away from Jeonghan so that he canât see your screen. Heâs such a nosy brat sometimes.
You: hey, iâm sorry. Itâs been really busy and i had a lot on my mind
You: wanna do something tomorrow?
The response comes right away and you ignore the smug look on Jeonghanâs face as you quickly make plans. If Jeonghan was anyone else, he would probably just let you be since he ultimately got what he wanted. But, heâs not anyone else. And heâs as caring to his friends as he is calculating when he wants something. So, heâs not doing it to be cruel, not at all. He just wants you to consider what youâre actually feeling.Â
Youâll never tell Jeonghan how much you appreciate him talking everything through with you. Never tell him how good it feels to get all the thoughts out of your head. To his credit, heâs not smug and he doesnât tell you that heâs been right about your feelings all along. He just listens, supports you when you need it, and encourages you to keep thinking through everything thatâs going on.
As a make-up for slightly ignoring Joshua (over your own internal freak out), you take him to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Itâs this tiny little hole-in-the-wall that people seem to walk past. The kind of place where you couldnât overspend even if you tried because the couple that owned it just wanted to share good food. The kind of place where they know everyone by name. It makes you feel instantly at ease.Â
Joshua doesnât say it, but he also kind of canât believe you wanted to show him some place that meant so much to you. All he could do was watch, with so much fondness, as you spoke to the couple about everything under the sun. Watch as you turned slightly red when they scolded you for taking so long to bring Joshua by. Smile as you promised the both of you would be back. Despite trying to pay, you beat him to it. Even leaving a massive tip because you insisted the couple had undercharged you. They made a big show of not wanting to take the tip and you only reminded them the cash would stay sitting on the counter. You werenât taking it back either.Â
You donât really think about it when you take a picture of you and Joshua to upload on Instagram. At least, you try not to. Later, when youâre home and winding down for the night, you pull the picture back up. Itâs amazing just how happy both of you look. You donât need to read the comments to know that youâve never looked so happy in your life. Every part of you wants to pull back again. Itâs overwhelming. But, Jeonghanâs voice plays in your head and instead you push past. Make more plans that could break your heart. You have to just trust that he wonât.Â
It isnât until the weekend that youâre able to see him again because your schedules didnât quite match up. That doesnât stop him from calling you at night, though. Insisting that he wants to know how your day was, even if you can only spare a few minutes for a call. (Which never ends up being the case. You fall asleep on the phone with him twice. His voice is just so soothing when itâs all deep and soft.)Â
Again, Joshua tells you the date is a surprise. He can be a little bit of a demon, when it suits him. Sure, he likes to pretend heâs not. That heâs above the chaos. Then, he does something like this and he canât really escape it. But, heâs so sure he knows what you like that heâs positive youâll enjoy the date. You remember how that chat had gone, too. You were ready to go to sleep, but unable to say goodnight.Â
(âI have our next date planned,â Joshua says, voice soft to match the calm of the night.
âWhat is it?â you wonder.
âA surprise,â he answers.
âWhat if I donât like it?â you ask back.
âYou will,â he assures you.
âYou sure seem to think you know me,â you joke.Â
âYeah, I do. Donât worry, youâll like this too,â he says.
There was no point in denying it. That confidence sent a bit of a shiver through you.)Â
It turns out that the date is at a winery where youâre painting with wine. You have to ask him to say it again because youâve only ever heard of wine and paint classes. Painting with wine is entirely new to you. It sounds fun, though, and you know how crafty Joshua can be, have seen all the projects around his apartment. So, even though youâre definitely not that artistic, youâre excited to see this as well.Â
Admittedly, by the end of the session, your painting isnât bad. It was a bit weird to use wine in that way, but they let you drink as well. Which makes it a lot easier to just go along with the idea of painting. Joshuaâs painting, on the other hand, is beautiful. Not for the first time, you think his talents might be wasted at an office job. Youâve seen the bracelets he makes and now youâve seen him paint. Youâve heard him sing and play the guitar. Heâs impossibly artistic in a way that should make you jealous. Instead, it just makes you more endeared to him.Â
You snap a picture of him and his art when heâs not looking and upload it before he can even realize it. Itâs only when a notification goes off on his phone that he realizes. He doesnât even say anything, just gets a sparkle in his eyes that makes you weary immediately. Heâs busy tapping away on his own phone before a notification sounds on yours. Maybe you werenât the only one to steal a candid shot if the picture of you laughing with a glass of wine in one hand and a paintbrush in the other is anything to go by. Itâs the caption that really ruins you, though. Just a simple âthink Iâm addicted to her lightâ. Itâs so simple and also so much sweeter than yours. You fight through the urge to run away.Â
Which lasts until you get home from dinner. It was the perfect date, truly. Joshua always seems to know exactly how to plan out a day so everything works. After sipping wine and painting, he took you to one of his favorite restaurants. Nothing too pretentious, just kind of unassuming. The kind of place where you get good food and even better conversation. Itâs (mostly) easy to keep your mind off the way your heart keeps racing.
When youâre back home, youâre not so lucky.
Back home, alone in your apartment, there arenât any distractions. Nothing to stop your mind from all the ways that it can sabotage your own happiness. Nothing to stop you from thinking about how nobody, not even Johnny, has ever planned out such thoughtful dates for you. Nobody has ever taken the time to really know you like Joshua. Even if you wonât admit it, he knows you better than anyone youâve ever dated. Which is terrifying, since this is all fake. And he hasnât even known you that long.Â
So, you do the rational thing and you pull back again. Answer his texts so that he doesnât send Jeonghan over to figure out whatâs wrong, but donât make solid plans. Talk a lot about a work project that you really need to get done ahead of schedule so that youâre not stressing leading up to the wedding. And you throw in some easy suggestions in the meantime so that it still seems like youâre making an effort.Â
Lunch on a work day so that it has a set ending time. Which still tugs at your heartstrings a bit because he takes a longer lunch just to meet you closer to where you work.Â
An event where your parents purchased a table for charity because heâs in high demand with your family around. And he canât be as affectionate.Â
His Open Mic Nights, but with the excuse that you canât stay too late because of your project and he should stick around with his friends. Youâll get home safely.
Small little things that keep you around him and keep up your conversations while still giving you time to breathe. Youâre sure that youâre pulling it all off. And then, the wedding is around the corner. The finish line is in sight.Â
You: Iâm not going to the wedding
You: you donât have to come pick me up
Joshua: what are you talking about?
You: iâm not going
Joshua: but itâs literally in a few hours?
You: yeah and i donât wanna go, so youâre off the hook
You: thanks for everything, but you donât have to pretend anymore
Even if you know youâre being a little petulant, you donât really care. This whole thing was supposed to be about protecting your heart. Protecting your pride. Not showing up to your cheating ex-fiance's wedding alone and looking like some kind of loser. It was not supposed to be about your heart getting clobbered anyway. So, youâre doing the only logical thing you can think of. Ignoring your problems. Avoiding both the wedding and Joshua. What youâre not prepared for, though you should be, is the knock that comes at your door half an hour later.Â
Joshua is on the other side of the door and your heart actually stops. Heâs got his tux on and his hair styled back off his face. His eyes are soft as they take you in, noting that you have your hair and make up done. Though, youâre still in your sweats. You got at least that far before you decided this was a stupid fucking decision.Â
âCan I come in?â he asks when you donât say anything.
âSure,â you say and step aside.Â
âYou look like youâre getting ready,â he comments once heâs inside.
âI was, until I texted you,â you answer. âSpeaking of, why are you here?â
âBecause we had plans,â he says.Â
âYeah to go see my ex-fiance marry the girl he cheated on me with. Oh, and for you to pretend to be my boyfriend so I didnât look pathetic,â you say with a huff.Â
âYouâre not pathetic. Heâs an asshole,â Joshua says. He doesnât swear often, so it catches you a little off guard.Â
âWell, whatever, you donât have to go. So, Iâm not really sure why youâre here,â you say.Â
âYouâre being so cold. Whatâs going on?â Joshua asks and reaches out to you. Instead, you duck away from his touch.Â
âNothing is going on. It was stupid to care what Johnny thought or to try and save face somehow,â you say.Â
âItâs not stupid. He hurt you and you didnât deserve that,â Joshua urges.
âYou really donât know me that well. Maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was awful to him and he had no choice,â you say.
âWe both know thatâs not true,â he says.
âDo we?â you challenge.Â
âYes, we do,â he presses. âThere is nothing you could do that justifies cheating instead of just breaking it off. But, I also know you didnât do anything wrong. Jeonghan and I talked about it.â
âYou spoke to Jeonghan about my relationship behind my back?â you question.Â
âWhat is going on? Weâve been hanging out for weeks and getting to know each other. I just wanted to know more about someone I was going to be helping. And I like knowing you,â Joshua says and you have to look away. You donât need the reminder of how much time youâve spent with him.
âYeah, sorry about all that time we wasted. Iâll pay you back for the tux or anything else you had to buy to pretend to date me,â you say and he looks genuinely confused.
âI donâtâŠwant you to pay me back for anything. It wasnât a waste of time. I did this because I wanted to,â he says.
âYeah, well, you donât have to pretend anymore because Iâm not going to the stupid fucking wedding. It was a really bad idea in the first place,â you say.
Joshua clenches his jaw and looks away. Like maybe heâs frustrated. âWhat is going on? Do you still have feelings for him?âÂ
âFor who? Johnny?â you ask, so insanely caught off guard that you forget youâre mad.
âYes,â Joshua says tightly.
âYouâve got to be fucking kidding me,â you bark out.
âWell? Youâre being really weird and now you donât want to go to a wedding that weâve been planning on,â he starts.
âYeah, which should make you happy, since you donât have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore,â you say.
âBecause youâre still in love with Johnny,â Joshua finishes like he hadnât even heard you.
âOh my god,â you nearly scream. âIâm not fucking in love with Johnny. This isnât about him.â
âSo, you donât want to go to the wedding and it has nothing to do with him? That doesnât make any sense,â he says.Â
âNo, I donât want to keep doing this,â you say, gesturing between the two of you. âI donât want to keep pretending to date you when I -â
You clamp your mouth shut. Unable to believe that you almost blurted out how you feel.
âWhen you what?â he challenges. âWhat? Is it that bad being around me? Is that it? Are you just sick of me? Ready to toss me aside?â
You laugh bitterly, not even able to appreciate the irony in the situation. âNo, Joshua, I donât want to toss you aside.âÂ
âThen, what? What am I supposed to think when youâve been pushing me away for the last couple weeks? And I have to act like I havenât noticed all the ways youâve kept me at armâs length since we went to the winery. Why did you just decide, literally today, that you donât want to go to the wedding after all?â he asks, rambling. Heâs pacing in front of you. âWhy are you trying so hard to get rid of me?â
âBecause I donât want to get hurt!â you blurt out. âBecause I donât want to go to my fucking scumbag of an exâs wedding where everyone is going to be giving me these looks of pity or focusing on my relationship with him when all I want is this.â
âThis? What?â he asks, coming to a stop.
âThis, Joshua, you and me. Having this just all be pretend is breaking my heart. I canât keep doing it. It was supposed to keep me from getting my heart broken. It sucks and I hate it and I just wish it wasnât pretend. I donât want to go to the wedding and have you be so sweet and kind and caring when Iâm going to know it has an expiration date. That itâs all just been for show,â you admit. You turn away, clutching your arms around your center because youâre so tired. And so exposed. So vulnerable. Itâs awful.
The tears wonât stop, so you donât notice how Joshua has closed the space between you until he wraps his arms around you from behind. Pulls you back against his chest and presses a kiss into your hair.
âSo, letâs stop saying itâs pretend,â he whispers.Â
âWhat?â you whisper back.
He turns you in his arms so that youâre facing him and gently brushes away the tears. âLetâs stop saying itâs fake. It doesnât feel fake, does it?â
âNo,â is all you can manage.
âSo, itâs not fake and weâre not pretending,â he says.
âBut,â you start to protest.Â
âI knew I was in trouble, really deep trouble, as soon as we left your parentsâ house. I was just waiting for you to catch up,â he says as he gently runs a thumb across your cheek to wipe away a tear . Your eyes go wide.
âThat was barely a week in,â you say and he just shrugs. âAnd Iâd dumped all my bullshit on you.â
âI think thatâs actually what made me like you so much,â he says. âIt was supposed to be fake and we were trying to get to know each other well enough to pull it off. But, instead, I just realized you were actually perfect.â
âPerfect? I was broken,â you joke and he shakes his head.
âNo, youâve been hurt. Who hasnât? Youâre also strong, kind, funny, a fiercely loyal friend, and one of the most beautiful people Iâve ever met, inside and out,â he says.Â
âThatâs so, youâre so sweet,â you say and try to hide your face. He doesnât let you. âYou like me?â
âIâve liked you the whole time. I did think it was a date, after all,â he says. âAnd do you think Iâm that affectionate with everyone?â
âWe were pretending,â you argue.
âI wasnât,â he argues back.
âOur closest friends thought you were,â you disagree.
âAnd was anyone else there in my apartment when I was still being affectionate?â he asks.
âWell, no, butâŠâ you start.
âI heard you say always,â he tells you.
âYou did?â you ask, sure that itâs been your secret this whole time.
âWe donât have to go to the wedding. But, if itâs just because you donât want this to be over with me, then itâs not going to be over. Iâm yours for as long as you want me,â he says so earnestly it nearly makes you blush.
âCareful, you might get sick of me,â you joke.
He puts a finger under your chin so he can look you in the eyes. âIâll say it again. Iâm yours as long as you want me. I wonât get sick of you.âÂ
âIâŠâ you start and donât know where to go. So you do the only thing you can think of and kiss him. Itâs clear heâs a little caught off guard, but he recovers quickly. His arms wrap around you to hold you tight against him. Itâs the first time youâve really kissed him and youâre so screwed because he really is perfect at this too.Â
âSo, do I get you for the rest of today?â he asks.
You take in his tuxedo again, for real this time. Appreciating how well itâs tailored and how amazing he looks. With a sigh, you say, âyou know, itâs a shame to waste such a nice tux.â
âAre youâŠI thought we werenât going,â he stutters.
âIâm probably gonna have to fix my makeup in the car, but why not? I want to show off my super hot and very real boyfriend,â you say and watch him choke on air.Â
âYou canât just sayâŠâ he starts.
âDamn, sick of me already?â you tease.
âYou know Iâm not,â he answers and moves to follow you.
âNo, no. You donât get to see me changing. Iâll be back out in a second,â you say.Â
Youâre in the middle of shimmying into your dress when you realize that you do still have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out. This whole situation has been unusual, though, so it probably makes sense that there isnât a template. Once you have your shoes on, you walk back into the living room, prepared to say something, only to find Joshua speechless.
âYou lookâŠâ he starts.
âYouâve seen the dress already,â you say and smile.
âNot on you. Not in person. You look amazing,â he says and crosses to pull you into his arms. âAre you sure we have to go?â
âYes,â you say and swat him. âBut, I do know we have a lot to talk about.â
âIâm not in a rush,â he says and allows you to step away.
âWe might need to be in a bit of a rush,â you say, checking the time and gathering all your things.Â
âLetâs go, then,â Joshua says and offers his arm.Â
The wedding passes in kind of a blur. In truth, you barely even register Johnny or what heâs doing beyond the actual ceremony. The reception is so massive that itâs easiest just to focus on the people around you. Especially when youâre at a table with your friends. Thankfully, youâre not at a table with your parents or your sister. It does mean, though, that youâre sitting next to Hyejin, who has definitely realized that something shifted between you and Joshua. So, sheâs trying to sneak in a question any time she can. Which is hard, given that Joshua is more attached to you than ever. And Hyejin doesnât want to draw unnecessary attention to you. All you manage to let her know is that itâs real now and that youâll fill her in after the wedding. (Youâre also thankful that people seem to be cooing over Taehyung and Mimi since theyâre the shiny new topic.)
Itâs also nice to have Joshua there because heâs a built in way to excuse yourself from any conversation that you donât want to be part of. Itâs easy to just say youâre going to go back to the table. Or, in the case of a good song coming on, heâll be quick to drag you to the dance floor and away from whatever conversation youâre stuck in. Heâs a good dancer, too. You donât miss the way Hyejin catches your eye when the first slow song comes on and he pulls you close to him. But, thatâs a conversation for another day. All you wanted was to appreciate the way his hand felt on your lower back or your hand felt in his.Â
When it was finally time to leave, Joshua led you out of the event, arm around you to guide you. Neither of you were drunk, but you had still hired someone to take you to and from the wedding anyway. A gift from your parents to appreciate you âdoing the right thingâ and coming to the wedding. For the sake of the families. It made you roll your eyes at the time, yet youâre thankful now. It would be far better than having to take an Uber or trying to get a room at the hotel (and risking seeing everyone else staying there the next morning). The ride home also gave you the chance to talk. Really talk. Neither of you cared much that someone else was driving (and he had the partition up, anyway), as you talked about your feelings honestly for the first time.Â
As it turned out, you had a lot to say. Both of you. You hadnât been nearly as good at hiding your feelings from Joshua as you had been at hiding them from yourself. He had hoped you were going to admit them to him after that night at his apartment. Instead, you avoided him. Yes, he knew that you had been avoiding him. You also werenât very good at picking up on the signs he dropped about his feelings for you. He admitted that he could have just said something, but he was trying to be subtle so he didnât scare you off. Trying to let his actions speak through more affection. You admit you were scared to think it was anything more than it actually was. Scared of your feelings. Scared of getting hurt again. Joshua completely understands that and admits that heâs a little scared, too, because youâre definitely more important to him than he was anticipating. Heâs also confident that you can work through it together. It gives you a feeling of hope. Makes everything about you feel lighter. You see that relief reflected in Joshuaâs eyes when they scan yours.Â
The car pulls to a stop and he gets out first. He holds his hand out to help you out of the car. Youâre not really sure what comes over you.
âCome up with me,â you ask, but itâs more of a statement.Â
He hesitates, conflicted. âI donât know if I should.â
âWhy?â you ask, clearly confused.
âI donât know if Iâll be able to leave,â he answers and you smile.
âThen stay,â you shrug, âat least for breakfast.âÂ
Without waiting for him to respond, you turn and head for the front door of the building. It means you miss the way he freezes in place, but you can guess at that by how long it takes before he catches up to you. Heâs unusually quiet and still beside you as you go up the elevator and then behind you as you unlock the door.Â
âIâm gonna go change,â you announce after you drop your keys by the door. You look back at Joshua, appreciating him in the tuxedo one last time. âIâve got some clothes in the spare room that should fit. Theyâre Jeonghanâs âÂ
You take the opportunity to breathe for a second, to let it settle in that you asked Joshua to come in with you and stay the night. Then, you set about changing out of your dress. Carefully clean your face free of the make-up. Brush through your hair and twist it back off of your face. Once youâre in comfy clothes and bare faced, you head back out into the living room. Itâs odd that you donât even feel self-conscious about Joshua seeing you like this, youâre instantly comfortable.Â
Joshuaâs back is to you in the kitchen. When he turns around, you see that heâs put together a little platter of snacks. You also were right, the t-shirt and shorts he picked out seem to fit him well. Jeonghan is a little slighter than Joshua, but he wears most of his clothes on the baggier side.Â
âThanks for the clothes,â he says when you both meet on the couch. âI was worried when you said you had spare clothes they were gonna be from an ex or Johnny or something.âÂ
Your laugh is sudden and clearly catches Joshua off guard. âI wouldnât have kept any of Johnnyâs clothes. I gave them all to charity.âÂ
âIâm sure he was thrilled with that,â Joshua laughs.
âThey made a killing reselling them,â you laugh in response. âWanna watch something?â
âSure, you pick,â he says.
You start clicking through your saved list to find something that the two of you can watch. Once you settle on something, Joshua motions you over. Even if you want to pretend youâre considering it, you canât. Every part of you wants to be close to him. When you slide over, he pulls you in tighter to his body and you fit like you always belonged there with him.Â
If you thought he was physically affectionate when he was pretending, itâs nothing compared to now that he knows youâre both in this. He has one hand running along your arm or the other along your thigh. Sometimes he reaches out to take one of your hands. Other times he presses kisses into your hair. Itâs pretty clear right away that heâs not paying much attention to the show.Â
If youâre being honest, youâre not really either.
Everything is distracting. The way his fingers on the bare skin of your arm raises goosebumps. The way his kiss in your hair makes your eyes close in appreciation. The way he squeezes your thigh and short circuits your brain.Â
You canât help it. You turn your head so that you can look at him. He caresses your cheek, so gentle. Runs his thumb across your lip. Youâre holding your breath, just waiting to see what heâs going to do. When you feel like youâre going to go a little bit insane, his hand moves to the back of your neck and pulls you in. Itâs exactly like the first kiss before the wedding. At least, at first. Itâs gentle, but full of so much desire. Itâs also slow, like thereâs no rush to any of it.
The position is really uncomfortable, though. You shift your legs so theyâre draped over one of Joshuaâs. He doesnât miss a beat. It just allows him to pull you closer. Thereâs something incredibly intimate in kissing him like this. Thereâs this weird contrast of desire and comfort. Itâs heated, but also a little lazy. Like you have all the time in the world. Which you do, you think, now that youâre being honest about your feelings.Â
When Joshua pulls back from the kiss, you chase his lips for a second before realizing that heâs pulled away. The way he looks at you nearly melts you into the couch.
âI donât want to assume where this is headed, but maybe we should take it to the bedroom?â he asks. Itâs cute, the way heâs a little shy. Like you didnât invite him in to spend the night. Yeah, youâre in way over your head. At least it seems like he might be too.Â
You pull your legs back so that you can stand up. His eyes track your movements as you reach your hand back to him. He accepts it without a word and lets you lead him to the bedroom. Even if heâs seen your bedroom before, this feels different. Youâre waiting for him to look around, but his eyes are glued on you. Joshua even waits for you to lead him all the way to the bed, so you direct him to sit on the edge.Â
Once Joshua is seated, you step between his legs and tilt your head down to kiss him. He wraps his arms around you so that he can pull you against him. Thereâs barely any space between you. It sends a little bit of a shiver as his hands run up your back and back down. The touch is gentle and caring. Like heâs trying to put everything he feels into it. Something about it just makes you feel so insanely safe.Â
Heâs the one to break the kiss again, but this time itâs to move back onto the bed and grab your hand to pull you along with him. Itâs easy to just follow suit and get comfortable laying next to him, bodies facing each other. The kissing picks up when your lips meet again. Joshua kisses you breathless with a passion youâre eager to explore. One of his hands rests on your hip, casually sliding beneath your shirt and caressing up your side. You press your body further into his and capture his moan with a kiss. It feels like youâre a bit drunk off each other.
When Joshuaâs hand moves back down, you take the chance to throw your leg over his hip, allowing you to press further into him and feel how this is turning him on. Part of you knows that heâs still waiting for you to set the pace. Or that he wants things to be a little slower. So, you help him out and roll the two of you over so that youâre straddled on top of him. Putting his hands on your hips, you lean over to kiss him again. In this position, you can also grind into his lap. You delight in how heâs already getting hard beneath you, enjoy the way his hands grip the soft flesh of your hips.
He pulls back and looks at you with blown pupils. âBaby, please donât tease me.âÂ
ïżœïżœïżœNo silly pet name?â you tease him.Â
âNot when youâre getting me this turned on like a horny teenager,â he whines.Â
âYou mean like this?â you ask, injecting as much innocence as you can when you slowly drag your clothed pussy across his dick again.Â
Joshua throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut, and grips you tighter. âYes.âÂ
âSo you donât like it?â you ask, grinding a little more.Â
âFuck,â he hisses out. And somehow thatâs the thing that almost breaks you. Why is that one swear so hot on his lips?Â
Without saying anything, you sit up a little bit, still making sure youâre straddling Joshua, so that you can pull his shirt off him. Your eyes go wide because youâve never seen him shirtless. Youâve seen him in well fitted suits or shirts, but this is entirely different. His chest looks like it was sculpted by an artist. All your attention is on your fingers running along his chest and you donât see the way it makes him a little shy.Â
His hands reach for your own shirt, playing with the hem like heâs asking permission. So, you move his hands aside and pull it over your head, leaving your skin bare as well. You watch him drink you in, feeling almost empowered by the desire you see in his eyes. He pulls you back towards him so that he can get one of your breasts into his mouth. The way he teases your nipple with his tongue has you clenching around nothing. You can feel how wet itâs making you and try your best not to squirm when he moves from one breast to the other.Â
âI need you,â you utter.Â
âI need you, too,â he says against your skin. His hips buck up into you almost involuntarily.Â
You slide off of him and pull your shorts down and he gasps that you donât have any underwear on. It isnât like you were expecting anything, you just wanted to be prepared. While heâs still a little drunk on the sight of you fully naked, you help him discard the rest of his clothing. The sight of his cock springing free, precum leaking out, has you wanting to get your mouth on him.Â
But, youâre realizing, what you really want is to feel him inside you. After so much tension and wondering, you just want to have this moment together. You want to be as close as two people can possibly get. You want all the intimacy and to be able to see his face. Itâs this thought that pushes you back to the bed to lay with him.Â
Joshua repositions and runs a hand down your body. Lets his fingers run along your thighs and tease their way up to gather some of your wetness. Your eyes close as he runs a finger up your slit. Itâs such a little amount of contact and it makes you moan anyway.Â
âDamn, are you this wet just for me?â he asks and presses a kiss into the first bit of your skin he can reach.
âI want to feel you,â you admit. Joshua makes you press a finger into your pussy, but you stop him. Confusion takes over his features.
âI thoughtâŠdo you not want this?â he asks.Â
âI do, but I wantâŠI want all of you,â you admit. âI want to feel you deep inside of me. I want to be completely ruined by you. I want to come together.âÂ
âShit,â he hisses, hand stilling against your body. âOn one condition.â
âWhatâs that?â you ask.
âI want to taste you soon,â he says, pressing a kiss into your shoulder.
The thought of him between your legs makes you shiver. Itâs almost enough to forget that you want this first time to be together. âDeal.âÂ
âDo you have condoms? I wasnât exactly expectingâŠâ he says, trailing off.
âThat drawer,â you say and point.Â
He rolls himself off of the bed to open the drawer. Youâre not sure why you expect his hands to be a little unsteady when he rips open the wrapper and rolls it onto himself, but heâs so calm. Maybe itâs just you thatâs a little nervous. At least, thatâs what you think until you catch the look on his face. It has to be the same as yours, naked want mixed with a little bit of uncertainty. Everything else has been so easy with you, what if this is where it goes wrong?Â
âJust lay back,â he urges you, voice calming any lingering nerves. His voice drops to a whisper, like the next statement is just for him. âYouâre so beautiful, every single inch of you.âÂ
It makes your heart constrict in a way that youâre not really prepared for. It would be nice if your feelings could stop flooding in all at once like a dam breaking. Itâs overwhelming. You do as he says, though, and lean back against the pillow. Joshua gently spreads your legs apart and takes another moment to appreciate you. He canât seem to help himself from running a finger along your entrance.Â
Even though he would fully be within his rights to tease you, he doesnât. He lines himself up at your entrance and looks to you for final confirmation. All you can manage is a nod. You know he wants to hear you, but you canât bring yourself to form the words. So, he accepts the nods and slowly presses into you.
âFuck,â you hiss as you adjust to him.Â
âAre you okay?â he worries.
âFeels good,â you say with a slight whine. âItâs just been a bit.âÂ
He presses the rest of the way into you and then stills so you can get used to him. Itâs really overwhelming. Not just because youâre finally feeling him inside of you. More so because heâs looking at you with more adoration than youâve ever felt in your life. Like this is it for him. Like youâre it for him. Itâs too early to be thinking of love, but you really donât know if anyone has ever loved you so completely. You think heâs probably it for you too.Â
Once he finally starts to move, you know itâs going to be over entirely too fast. He starts with slow thrusts, testing what you want. You dig your fingers into his arms as a way to ground yourself. To anchor yourself to him and in the moment. When he picks up the pace, your mind goes entirely blank. Itâs just the right speed. While you love the hard and fast fucking, thereâs something so much more intimate about this kind of in between speed.Â
âGod you feel so good,â he whines as he snaps into you again. âSo tight and perfect.âÂ
âYouâre so - oh my god,â you moan out, unable to finish the sentence as he hits you just right.Â
Joshua moves one of your legs so that itâs over his shoulder and presses further into you, hitting deeper than you were prepared for.
âFuck, Joshua, holy shit,â you scream out.Â
âLove the sound of my name on your lips,â he manages as his thrusts pick up pace.Â
You want to respond that you love saying it, want to say anything, but the thrusts are entirely too much. As if it wasnât already too much, Joshua adjusts again so that he can press his thumb against your clit. He rubs circles in time with his thrusts and you think that you might see stars. You throw your head back, eyes pressed shut.
âLook at me, baby. I wanna see you when you come,â he urges, his own voice sounding ragged.Â
Despite wanting to focus on the pressure building between you, you do as he asks. Your eyes meet his and itâs that look that makes that coil snap. Youâre coming hard and digging your fingers into whatever you can find to release some of the tension in your body. This might be the best orgasm youâve had.Â
When you come back to this plane, Joshua has stilled inside of you. One of his hands gently caresses your face as he mumbles quiet praises. Itâs so impossibly tender.
âItâs okay, sweetheart, you can move,â you assure him.
âThank fuck,â he mumbles.Â
His pace now picks up to something fast and hard with one of his large hands anchoring your thigh to his body. Your hands grip any part of his body that they can reach and you relish the way he hisses when your nails drag patterns down his skin. Marking him so that he belongs to you. Just as you belong so completely to him.Â
It seems impossible but you can feel the tension building low in your stomach again. His thrusts are so hard that you feel like his cock might split you open and something about it just works for you. You hadnât thought anything about him would translate to this kind of hard and fast sex, but itâs somehow better than you could have imagined. With him so focused on chasing his own high, you rub circles on your clit to bring yourself over the edge again. You tumble over the edge for a second time just as Joshuaâs thrusts get erratic. You do your best to take over the rhythm before slowing down.Â
Joshua collapses on top of you, cock still buried in your pussy, and sighs. His weight on top of you feels like the best security youâve ever had. Your hands find their way into his hair, gently stroking and scratching his scalp. As he comes back around, he presses his head further into your hand.Â
âHey,â you say when he looks up at you.
âYouâre perfect,â he responds and you canât keep the smile off your face.Â
âYou were pretty perfect yourself,â you say.Â
âAm I too heavy, I couldâŠâ he starts and you pull him tighter against you.
âDonât you dare,â you warn.Â
He doesnât say anything, just nuzzles his face into your neck. But, you know that you canât stay like this forever. So you donât protest when he gently pulls himself up and gets out of the bed. Youâre right behind him, leading him into the bathroom so that you can get both of you cleaned up.Â
After getting cleaned up, dressed, and doing your respective night time routines, you and Joshua are settled back into your bed (on top of a fresh set of sheets). Although youâve never been much for falling asleep cuddling, you canât imagine leaving any space between you and him. When he wraps himself around you, all you can do is smile and settle deeper into his perfect chest. Honestly, every inch of this man is perfect and youâd be annoyed if you werenât so helplessly attached to him.Â
And itâs the best sleep youâve gotten in a long time. You wake up with his chest pressed into your back and his arm still wrapped around you. It sounds like heâs still asleep based on his breathing and so youâre just considering slipping out of the bed. He moves in his sleep and pulls you tighter against him, making you feel that heâs semi-hard again. You press back against him, almost testing if heâs really asleep.Â
Heâs not.Â
Joshuaâs hand, already against the skin of your stomach and underneath your shirt, moves further up to your breast. His hand squeezes your breast and then he brushes his thumb over your nipple. Your body responds to his touch embarrassingly fast, which only seems to spur him on. Heâs got your nipple between his fingers before you press back into him again, wiggling your ass against his dick without pretending youâre doing otherwise.
âGood morning beautiful,â Joshua says in a raspy voice into your ear.Â
The warmth of his breath along with the pressure of him rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger has you suppressing a moan. In the quiet of the morning, he hears it anyway. He removes his hand from your breast and you want to pout at the loss of contact. That is, until his hand works down between your legs, roughly grabbing hold of your pussy through your shorts. He runs his middle finger through your folds, likely feeling the way your shorts are getting soaked through already.Â
âFeels like someone might have woken up ready,â he says into your ear, voice sinfully low. His finger is still slowly teasing you through the damn material of your shorts. Somehow that makes it feel hotter.Â
âI wonder why,â you retort, undermined by the way you squirm under his touch.Â
âDo you want me to stop?â he asks and stops his movements.Â
Your hand immediately moves to his. To guide him back to your cunt. âPlease donât. Want to see what those hands can do.âÂ
His mouth is still by your ear, so you hear the dark chuckle and feel the air tickle you. He moves your hand aside along with your shorts as he slips his hand inside the fabric. His middle finger resumes the previous pattern almost lazily. Youâre about to ask him to stop teasing you when he presses a finger inside you suddenly.
âFuck,â you nearly scream.Â
âIs someone a little sensitive?â he teases. Heâs a fucking demon and you would gladly sell your soul so he didnât stop.Â
The way he pumps his finger inside of you is entirely too slow. But, when you try to meet his rhythm, he stops. Just when you think you might actually die, he inserts a second finger. It makes your back arch, pressing your ass further against his now very hard cock. He hisses and pulls his fingers out from you. As youâre turning over to adjust your position, you see him insert his fingers into his mouth. Holy shit. He really is the hottest man youâve ever met.Â
Instead of letting you carry on in any way, he pushes himself up and repositions. Youâre not really sure what heâs doing until he reaches for your shorts to pull them off. His focus is on you, silently asking for permission again. All you can do is nod.Â
âTold you that I wanted to taste you,â he reminds you once your shorts are off.Â
âAre you sureâŠâ you start to ask before he cuts you off.
His head snaps up so he can meet your eyes. âIâve been waiting to taste you for weeks.â
That shuts you up pretty effectively. What can you really say in response to that? Anything you might have said dies in your throat as he licks a messy stripe up your folds. He quickly settles, using one hand to keep you spread open for him, and licks into you. Itâs all you can do to keep your eyes on him as his head bobs between your legs. You thread your fingers through his hair to keep him in place even though you know heâs not going anywhere. (And okay, maybe itâs more to ground yourself to him than anything else.)Â
It shouldnât be surprising that his attentiveness translates this well, but it is a little surprising how well he seems to know your body. The way he knows just when to switch from licking into your cunt to flicking his tongue over your clit. The way he knows when he needs to add a finger and then a second. The way he can tell everything your body needs before you even realize it.Â
By the time he pulls himself up your body, heâs got you nearly panting from the build up. The kiss he presses to your lips is sloppy and a little desperate. Like youâre both totally fucked out. His fingers inside you keep a relentless pace as he hooks them, hitting that perfect spot.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck,â you yell out, breaking the kiss. Your whole body feels like itâs on fire in an entirely different way from the night before.Â
Thereâs nothing in the world but Joshua and the way he coaxes everything out of you. The way he has you squirting on his fingers. Youâre not even sure if the praise coming out of your mouth makes any sense and youâre definitely not sure what he says in return. Itâs all you can do just to appreciate the moment.Â
You think that youâre going to get the chance to get your mouth around his cock now that heâs given you another mind blowing orgasm. But, by the time you get your breathing under control, you see that heâs rolling a condom from your drawer onto himself. He pulls you to the edge of the bed so that your legs are hanging off. Itâs instantly stronger than youâre expecting from him and pulls a gasp from you.Â
Without even thinking, your legs fall open. Joshua seems to have found a bottle of lube, too, and spreads it over his cock. When he lines himself up at your entrance, you expect him to ease in like the night before. He doesnât. He snaps his full length inside of you in one motion and youâre so overstimulated, but it feels so good.
âFuck me, Joshua, oh my fucking god,â you say and clench down around his dick.Â
âShit, that feels so good,â he hisses.Â
âYou feel so good,â you moan.Â
âYou have no idea,â he answers and starts thrusting.Â
Itâs a complete haze from the moment you hear his skin slap against your own. Every coherent thought leaves your head. There is nothing in the world but you and him and the way you make each other feel. He leans over your body, crowds your space. Steals sloppy, desperate kisses. Praises you constantly and in broken sentences. Itâs all you can do just to hold on, so sore and so unable to stop.
Your hands grip into the sheets around you that are completely rumpled. You try everything to keep your eyes on Joshuaâs face. Memorize the way he looks when heâs concentrating. Appreciate how totally gone he is because youâre sure itâs the same look you have. Delight in the way his eyes get even wider when you clench your pussy around him.Â
It feels a little like heâs using your body to chase his own high, except thereâs total comfort in that. All you want is for him to feel as good as you do. All you want is for him to get that release, especially since you havenât been able to get your mouth on his cock yet.Â
âHarder Joshua, please. I know youâre close,â you beg and he obliges immediately.Â
Even though youâre trying to meet the rhythm, you canât. Itâs too erratic and too unpredictable. So you pull him down to you again and kiss him. Slip your tongue inside his mouth and let the kisses get as sloppy as they need to. You feel how close he is and only kiss him harder. He breaks the kiss for the last few thrusts, groaning as he comes. Youâre right there with him.Â
(Later, he tells you that heâs never seen anyone hotter than you when you come. It would make you embarrassed in any other situation. But, you realize that youâve never been with anyone thatâs come close to him, so maybe itâs okay to accept his praise. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe this is the person that youâve been waiting for.)
Now, you really do have to get up and clean up. As tempting as Joshuaâs offer to shower together is, you donât want it to turn into shower sex because thatâs just not sexy (or practical). Neither one of you can seem to guarantee keeping their hands off the other. Instead, you tell him that he can use the shower in your guest room. Itâs fully stocked and there are still more spare clothes in there. He insists that he should get some laundry going because you must be running out of clean sheets and you definitely made a mess.Â
With Joshua cleaning up some around the house, youâre the first out of the shower and dressed. Pleasantly sore in the kind of way you really enjoy. Youâre sitting on the couch and scrolling through your phone, trying to decide if you want to order food or just cook what you already have. Before you can make a decision, thereâs a knock at the door. Itâs impossible to guess who it could be. Even Jeonghan wouldnât bother you like this. Although heâs been texting asking for an update after you told him you finally got your shit together, he wouldnât show up like this.Â
When you open the door, youâd give anything for it to just be Jeonghan. Instead, you see a face that youâve been seeing entirely too much lately.
âWhat are you doing here, Johnny?â you ask with a heavy sigh.Â
âI need to talk to you,â he says.
âWhy?â you ask.
âCome on, donât be like that,â he pleads.
âJohnny, itâs the day after your wedding. What the fuck are you doing on my doorstep?â you ask, arms crossed.Â
âAre you really going to make me do this in the hallway?â he asks.Â
âI donât see any reason to invite you inside,â you retort.Â
âItâs about your, uh, boyfriend,â Johnny says a little awkwardly.
âJoshua?â you ask because that actually piques your interest a bit.
âCan I come in?â he asks.
âNo. What about Joshua?â you ask.
âThis is really awkward. It would be better if we were sitting downâŠâ Johnny starts.
âMy little honeybun, is everything okay?â Joshua asks from inside the apartment. He must be out of the shower.Â
âBabe, we talked about the pet names,â you remind him as he joins you at the door.
âOh, uh, I wasnât expecting him to be here,â Johnny says.
âIâm her boyfriend, so I know why Iâm here. What are you doing here?â Joshua says without hiding any disdain.Â
"Are you really her boyfriend, though?" Johnny challenges.
You stiffen almost imperceptibly, but Joshua must notice it because he wraps an arm around you protectively. "Of course I am. Why are you here?"
âI needed to talk to her,â Johnny says stiffly.
âAbout you, apparently,â you say with your eyes on Joshua.Â
âRight, so can you give us a minute?â Johnny asks with his eyes on Joshua.
âNo, he canât. If you have something to say, just say it. Then you can leave us alone,â you say.
âFine, if you really want it to be like this, fine,â Johnny says. âI knew he looked familiar when I saw him at your parentsâ house with you. It just took me a while. I ran into him at a couple of functions back when I was in college and traveling all around for my dad.âÂ
âOkay? And? Iâm sorry, but Iâm not sure why I care,â you say even though you know where heâs going.
âHe was always with older women,â Johnny presses.Â
âCan you just make your point so we can get back to our day?â Joshua asks.
âFine,â Johnny says, irritated. âThe whispers were that women paid him to come to the events with them. That he was selling himself to them.âÂ
You actually snort at the phrasing. It takes you several seconds to compose yourself. You wonder what the point of Johnny doing this and if itâs his way of trying to keep you on the hook. Then you realize that you donât really care what he does. For the first time in forever, youâre genuinely happy.Â
âIâm glad you think this is funny,â Johnny says.Â
âNot that itâs any of your business, but I know how Joshua helped pay for his education. And like why am I going to give him a hard time over seizing an opportunity? Thereâs nothing wrong with profiting off of someone wanting his company platonically,â you say.Â
âYouâre assuming he wasnât also sleeping with them,â Johnny says, a little stubborn.
âNo, Iâm not assuming. I know he wasnât because weâve talked about this. He told me all about it without even being prompted. And unlike certain people in my life, I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. I know I can actually trust him,â you say. âIt was also years before we met. Weâve all got history.â
âNice dig,â he says.Â
âItâs not a dig, Johnny. Not everything is a slight,â you say with a sigh. âWhere does Gabby think you are?â
âWhat?â Johnny asks.Â
âYour wife,â you clarify. âWhere does she think you are?â
âOh, well, thatâs not important. I just said I had some errands to take care of,â Johnny says and you roll your eyes.
âWeâre done, Johnny,â you say.
âWait,â he says as youâre moving to shut the door. âI know I fucked up, butâŠâ
âThereâs no buts. Not anymore,â you say. âMaybe there was a point where Iâd want to hear the buts and the apologies and all that. Iâm happy now, though, and you canât even tell your wife that you came to see your ex-fiancee the day after your wedding.âÂ
âItâs not likeâŠâ he starts and you start to close the door at the same time.
âItâs exactly like that. Goodbye, Johnny,â you say.Â
The second you close the door, you feel a giant weight lifted off you. You just feel tired. Itâs obvious that there arenât any feelings there anymore, so him pretending he cares as a pretense to see you just feels irritating.
âAre you okay?â Joshua asks, eyes raking over you.
âYeah, Iâm good,â you say.
âYou sure?â he asks.
âYeah, really. I think I knew when I saw him at my parentsâ house that time you came over for dinner that I was completely over it,â you say. âIâm sorry he tried to bring something like that up or make it a big deal.âÂ
âI donât care. Itâs like you said, I did it and Iâm not ashamed of that,â he says. âBut, uh, I really wanted to thank you.â
âFor what?â you ask.
âFor defending me and for saying you trust me,â he says. It makes you a little shy for a second, so you look down.
âOh, well, itâs not a big deal,â you say.Â
Joshua closes the space and tilts your chin up to look at him. âItâs a huge deal to me. I know we started pretending, but trusting me means the absolute world.âÂ
âYou make it easy,â you admit.Â
That seems to render him a little speechless as well because all he does is pull you into him in the tightest hug heâs ever given you. Your body fits into his like a puzzle piece. Which sounds sappy, even if in your head, and you donât actually care. Itâs the safest and the happiest youâve ever felt.
âWhat?â he asks when you pull away.
âNothing, I just think this is going to work,â you say.Â
Joshua smiles at you, that genuine smile he saves for when heâs at his happiest. âYeah, I think so too.âÂ
i hope you enjoyed this fic! let me know your thoughts đ
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