h0neybunz - Tumblr blog

[h0neybunz]

I definitely don't miss tumblr in regards to being harassed by multiple people 24/7 but I do miss this blog and being able to vent and get my emotions out. Even though no one follows me on this blog or even knows who I am I think that's what i liked the most about it. because i can say what I want about whoever I want and no one will know who it is or feel some type of way or dig into my business.

So i wrote a letter/note to deondre that I have been meaning to drop off at his place but Im scared to come off as lame or weird but I also want to just like formally apologize to him again and actually have him hear me out but I just don't want him to think I'm so weirdo sending notes to his place. but I miss him and I don't want him to hate me or like never talk to me again so I really need to just suck it up and drop off the note. I just hope it isn't too corny. lol. like everyone nowadays thinks that showing you give af is corny so I'm not trying to seem like some lame loser but its super hard for me as such an emotional person to like hold back my emotions especially with people i feel deeply for. i like him a lot and as emotionless as he is i carry a lot of emotions for him and if that makes me lame for showing them then ill just be a lame person then.

[h0neybunz]

i just want to cry so bad! i’m so upset! about so many things! i’m so mad that deondre is acting the way he does and i know i HAVE to leave him alone i absolutely have/NEED to be done with him and i am im done i cant deal with this any more. I deleted the thread and all of our calls i have to absolutely be done with him. he doesn’t like me he doesn’t care about my feelings at all and i just continue to let him deal with me on his time when it’s convenient for him and fuck him! that’s not happening anymore !! i’ve gone long enough with no sex i will be perfectly fine going without it now i just hate the thought of someone else fucking him or kissing him or sleeping in his bed like it makes me physically sick to my stomach omg but i have to love myself way more like i literally have to. he isn’t going to show me any different than what im getting right now so i have to completely leave it/him alone.

then i’m mad because im so tired of everyone assassinating my character , always calling me the “mean” one or the “bitch” just because ive gotten to a point in my life where i actually stand up for myself and voice my opinion. like i don’t go out of my way to be rude/mean to anyone i love everyone but i just refuse to continue getting walked all over for the rest of my life. no matter who you are. that doesn’t make me mean that just means you can’t take advantage of me and treat me like shit so u can get your way!

[h0neybunz]

once i get moved in to my new place i am 100% going to stop entertaining men. I know right now i dont want a relationship & i know im not comfortable enough with anyone to just sleep with them no strings so im just going to stop dealing with me in general in that way. All these tumblr guys that I entertain to pass the time type shit that’s finna be over with. I really don’t even wanna talk to my splenda daddy like that either because he has too high of expectations of what’s going on between us and I don’t want to keep playing with his emotions but i do want him to continue giving me money tho 🫠 he thinks we are in a relationship & i think he’s a splenda daddy, but he’s not spending enough money in my opinion i need to get a new one lol

[h0neybunz]

chile i’m tired of entertaining these ugly ass men 😂 but if a few sexy text messages can get me some $$ shiiiit imma do it. i truly feel like i should consider being a phone sex operator is very good at sexting & i don’t be turned on at all 😂😂

[h0neybunz]

i’m not sad that i’m spending another holiday alone i’m more so just sad that I continuously allow deondre to treat me like shit and i just keep going back.. like where is the self respect? I hate that i miss him so much but I really can’t keep embarrassing myself like this.. like wtf. this is truly pathetic renaye.

[h0neybunz]

i gotta get back to writing in my diary .. i just have so many damn emotions and things i need to get out because it’s not good to just keep holding these things in

[h0neybunz]

had a weird dream about deondre … don’t know how to feel about it buuuuuuuuut whatever. i’m trying not too think too deep into it.

i might *heavy on the MIGHT* see if he wants to hang out this week….. but i’m just not that type of person lol . i don’t want to seem like i’m begging a nigga to chill with me or link with me that’s just icky . 😣

anyways back in the gym tomorrow i hope i can go consistently everyday from the 5th to the 25th 🤞🏾🤞🏾

[h0neybunz]

i wanna send nudes !! even though i know these niggas are undeserving as fuck but i’m tryna get fucked!!!!!!!! i need my man back

[h0neybunz]

when i finally schedule my first therapy session im definitely going to ask for ways to learn how to detach from people. i dont know why some people just have a hold on me and i give so many chances when i know i shouldn’t. fingers crossed she can help me

[h0neybunz]

ugh so i’m missing deondre … bad chile . BUT i’m growing & i KNOW i deserve better! way better. so i just gotta keep it pushing but lawd i do miss his little face :/

i hate that we can’t just meet our person & shit just works out and is right like why do we have to go thru so many fucked up situationships/relationships before we meet the one meant for us.

[h0neybunz]

i just genuinely need to get over dretown like fast . faster than fast . i can’t keep being haunted by the memory of us and how he made me feel i just want him out of my mind. but it’s so hard and i hate that i latch on like this to people because i know he’s totally fine carrying on in life and i’m like i just want you back :/

but i just miss his little face , i miss laying up with him and cuddling and kissing , i miss the nights of no sleep just being with him , i miss his hugs , his voice , i miss rubbing his back while he sleeps, i miss him talking about my snoring but still pulling me closer to him , i just miss him :/

[h0neybunz]

i don’t know how to stop overthinking this whole situation . like this is really why i choose to not deal with men in general because my mind is always racing thinking about so much shit , convincing myself that the person doesn’t like me , wondering why they aren’t hitting me up , scared to hit them up to avoid looking desperate or thirsty or annoying !

like i don’t understand why i want to be with him like 24/7 and just know everything about him but that’s literally impossible and i don’t think he has the crazies for me yet but then again i don’t know !!!

i need to know his zodiac sign asap because if he’s a taurus , pisces, or aquarius i’m getting tf out !

& i misssssss him :( and i’m not going to be back until friday and then i think he’s going out of town too so like it’s just a lose lose situation for me but maybe this distance can make him miss me a lil too hopefully he’s gonna wanna see me as soon as he gets back in town

[h0neybunz]

i just gotta stop being so dumb sometimes like renaye these industry niggas will say whatever (!!!!) to fuck !!! stop believing what they say and believe their actions!!!!! it’s just hard for me because when i actually fuck with you and feel comfortable with you i don’t be wanting to let that shit go and i start wanting to be around you because the vibe be so right but these niggas are really for EVERYBODY !! i really have to understand that fr

deondre cool and all but i already see wassup sunday was a one night thing and i just gotta be cool with that. i was just excited to really be moving on from the toxic shit but clearly this isn’t any further from toxic than deon so imma just let this go. i’m not finna be in 2 situationships at once bruh no thank you

[h0neybunz]

i’m annoyed because i really was planning on texting Sebastian today and just trying AGAIN to show him i’m interested but my stupid ass was asleep DREAMING about him 🙄🙄 like literally we had a whole little family in the dream and everything like i don’t understand how he takes over my dreams like that!

[h0neybunz]

i think the worse thing about this “situationship” is i literally have no clue how deon feels about me!! like half the time i feel like he’s just my friend for convenience but other people see us and think he likes me but i feel like people just say what they think you want to hear so i’m just confused !!

i like the fact that he picked up my call last night when i called him i definitely miss talking to him but i really need to find a way to keep him off my mind ! but it’s him saying “you were born mad at me” & was!!! cuz u always pissing me off 😂

between getting zero energy from sebastian who claims to be interested in me & dealing with hot & cold deon i just want men to be clear about their feelings and not fuck my head up every damn day.

also i really want to give up drinking but it’s just so much fun lmao but i hate finding myself in situations where i’m upset but the liquor makes my emotions heightened when the situation isn’t that deep. i just need my emotions under control when i’m drunk because sober me is very level headed and drunk me just fucks shit up. thankfully i don’t go too too crazy and really do outlandish shit but i still want to chill out.

alright we live & we learn tomorrow is a new day so we shall see where life takes me 🥴

[h0neybunz]

i miss deon :/ but he’s so mean to me and not good for me at all i really need to let that situation go fr

[h0neybunz]

as horrible as it sounds i’ve been in such a funk and living in such a mess but i’m so proud of myself today for cleaning my bathroom and kitchen and washing all my clothes, tomorrow i will tackle folding and putting away all my clothes so i can live in a clean environment again!

it might take me a while but i always pull myself out of my funks and i try my hardest every day to live better than i did the day before so go me !

it’s the small wins 💪🏾