h4e - Tumblr blog

[h4e]

I just saw three "oh fiddlesticks, that really ruffles my feathers" reblogs in a row, one right after the other right after the other.

If that isn't a sign that this fandom is hilariously tiny, then I don't know what is.

[h4e]

You know what I like? Nasty bitter whumpees.

Whumpees who get violent when people touch them.

The ones who have no problem backtalking people as a defense.

Those who act the way people expect them too.

Whumpees who are self-destructive.

The ones who gain rage issues.

Those who hate the thought of being a crying child.

bitter whumpees <3

[h4e]

YOU. YOU HAVE THE GOOD IDEAS—

State Interns

So the states kinda have like an implied job in the political world. That means that they might get interns! And I think they do. And here’s some ideas that I (and other people in server) had. (DC is District of Columbia)

These are college interns. They had to apply. Gov wrote up the applications so it was uniform across all the states. (And so nobody could slip extra stuff into it.) 

Now, states (and DC, Gov, and IDC) can have preferences or specific requirements for their interns. For example:

- IDC’s only takes on women or non-binary interns

- Hawai’i’s requirements are Hawai’ian ancestry

- New Mexico only takes on BIPOC interns

- Kentucky’s requirements are Deaf/HoH interns only. 

And other states also give preference to those with disabilities, or who are minority, or non-male, or from below the poverty line. etc. (The South actually has a lot of these preferences in place. New York has a disability preference.)

There’s a difference between requirement and preference. Requirement means that if nobody matching those qualities applies, then they just won’t have an intern. Preference means if they’ll look at application from outside those qualities, and even accept them if they’re good enough.

All the disabled interns have accommodations. The states fight for there to be accommodations

The interns will have to run reports between states. And with those reports, sometimes they need to also send insults. Because they were asked to. 

For example. The California and Texas interns get along. They both recognize that most of Cali and Tex’s rivalry is “white people bullshit”. 

CA Intern: Here’s a report on exports planned to your state. And… sigh… Cali says to tell you to tell Texas that he’s still as stupid as he is big.

TX Intern: Thanks for that. I’ll meet you for coffee later. And Texas says to tell you to tell Cali that he’s as dumb as his hat is ugly. 

This goes for most of the rivalries. They all find it tiring. Except for Ohio’s Intern. She’s weird though. 

There’s other requests too. For example:

Wyoming Intern: Hey Gov, Wyoming twisted his ankle at the rodeo and can’t show up. So he asked me to drop these off. And to…“Test if you can point to him on a map yet”

Utah has been called ‘dad’ by a few interns. He accepts it. He loves it even. And in his office he has cookies. So at the end of every day the interns can stop by and get a cookie before they leave.

Claire, Mother Nature’s Intern, is the “Momma Intern”. She runs the group chat and teaches everybody how to deal with immortal idiots. Even though Gabriel is an angel, he’s allowed to join because he’s basically an intern. 

When Greg takes on an intern, it’s to train them to take over for him.

Florida’s intern is not as chaotic as her state. She’s learned to get a handle on him. Because she is not letting him ruin her chances of getting certain people out of office. 

Alaska’s intern wants to make friends with everybody. She even has friendship bracelets.

West Virginia has unionized the interns. They already had the best possible benefits and everything. This was just over the inclusion of a Pizza Friday tradition.

Speaking of benefits. It’s a paid position. Because when the organizers brought it up, they tried to make it unpaid at first. All they were able to say was “Unpaid internship” and West Virginia was out of his seat, beating them with his prosthetic leg and screaming about “Blair Mountain Part Two!”.

Interns for the states! And the chaos that brings!

[h4e]

When a fandom collectively decides on a headcanon, you know it's bound to become canon—

Can I just say, as a fandom, I kind of love how most of us decided Kentucky is a sweetheart who doesn’t want to hurt anyone

Like yeah sometimes he shows up because his state has done some fuck shit but I do enjoy how we mostly present him as someone who just loves his horses, bourbon, and Daddy Andy

It’s like how we all decided West Virginia has younger brother energy

[h4e]

Utah: oh fiddlesticks, that really ruffles my feathers

Florida, crying: please just say fuck

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Everyone gets super upset that it’s not Ar-Kansas, and he’s upset when people say that.

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"There's millions of Tumblr users" to you. To me There's only about 12 and we all reblog the same five posts from each other

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Everyone in the west desperately pushing their tallass friend into the hands of Texas like "We know he's a bit grumpy but pls take him—"

‘Fixer Upper’ from Frozen, but Alaska is Kristoff and the trolls are the rest of The WestTM trying to set him up with a partner

[h4e]

Your fifth most recent emoji is what your soulmate thinks about you

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Gov

[h4e]

GO BACK TO REST, SIR—

BEN NO

[h4e]

The Table/Statehouse Backrooms!AU

Uh oh, guess who got a case of brainrot! I thought too much about Greg falling into the Backrooms and now this exists.

A darker and more horror-centric AU for The Table where the personifications are entities in the Backrooms. It follows the perspective of Greg the Sound Guy who fell into the Backrooms one day and now finds himself at the mercy of these entities. He is now trying to survive his situation, learn about this spatial anomaly he's stuck in, and escape his captors. All the while, Greg is hoping and praying that he can one day find his way back home. He does not have a good time.

–––

Greg is residing in Level 1, where entities will actually start showing up. However, there's also a consistent supply of food, water, and electricity. There’s also other Wanderers and groups residing there.

Level 0 is the iconic yellow hallway setting, but there aren't any entities, other people, or resources there. It is just complete isolation.

Level 1 is where the "American" Personifications, or the Statehouse Colony, are recorded to have made their territory. Other Personifications have been briefly seen in Level 1, but the Statehouse are the main residents.

Entity ☐☐☐ - Personifications

Class 2-5 (Alright until Provoked to Extremely Dangerous)

Habitat: Many, most notably Level 1

The Statehouse Colony along with all other the Personifications are essentially LARPing being representations of different Frontrooms communities, and they seem to genuinely believe their performing. They have knowledge about Frontrooms events, histories, and cultures despite the fact that they have never set foot in or even seen reality.

Personifications can shapeshift between their true forms and their humanoid forms at will. Their humanoid forms will never look truly human, there's always something off about them.

They can teleport and travel between Levels with ease. Calls still function and can reach throughout the entirety of the Backrooms except The Void.

Things like their clothes and all of their props (Texas's Buc-ee's cup, PA's football stress toy, Utah's Book of Mormon, etc.) were created by them. However, these aren't normal objects, they're a part of their bodies.

They're observed to have superhuman strength, resilience, and extreme intelligence, as well as quick regeneration when injured. There are no recorded cases of a Wanderer being able to kill a Personification, which makes them potentially extremely dangerous to encounter. 

However, Personifications often suddenly disappear after varied lengths of time, which is inferred to happen when the group they pretend to represent in the Frontrooms disappears. With the same logic, new ones would also appear as new groups form, which seems to be the case.

Instead of The Table and The Statehouse being real shows, the Statehouse Colony is roleplaying. They arrange themselves in a circle and have discussions about Frontrooms events like they've experienced them personally. They've also "filmed" their daily lives like it was a sitcom. It's unknown why they engage in this behavior, but they're way less hostile when doing their shows, so interrupting them is extremely ill-advised.

Even when they’re not explicitly “filming” for the shows, the Statehouse won’t break character. They’ll do things like sit in front of a broken TV and react like there’s a football game on or go into their "rooms" despite their territory being fairly open with no individual rooms.

Greg just has to play along with it all and pretend to be their sound guy because he’s so afraid of what would happen if he were to ruin their roleplay. The Statehouse also gave him a crudely-made fake mic boom to hold and he pretends to edit their videos.

Their antics can get so human-like and endearing to Greg that he almost forgets that the Statehouse are hostile entities sometimes. Then they do something that reminds him that these are all monsters that could easily rip him apart at any moment.

Greg is remarkably safer than other Wanderers that inhabit Level 1 because of the Statehouse Colony that protects him from other hostile entities. They also bring him the food and almond water he needs to sustain himself, so Greg doesn't need to risk himself exploring. At least one Personification will always be around Greg to make sure nothing happens to him.

Even though the Statehouse is protecting Greg from the Backroom's dangers, this doesn't mean that they are safe and harmless entities. They will attack the Wanderers that encroach on their territory, and God forbid any of the people try to "rescue" Greg.

Greg, despite the safety from the Colony, is not having a good time. He doesn’t feel safe. In addition to missing his life before the Backrooms, because the Statehouse have driven away other Wanderers, he’s very starved for human connection. This also contributes to his motivation of escaping the Statehouse.

The Statehouse is very possessive and territorial over Greg and they don’t want to let go of their sound guy. Whether this is due to some emotional connection to him as a friend or pet, or a simply a desire to keep a possession of theirs, their motives are unknown. It’s unknown if Personifications even feel true emotions and empathy or if they just mimic these behaviors from Wanderers.  

Greg has heard from some of the Personifications that they have had other humans “work” for them in the past, but he’s never seen another human or even a sign of one in Statehouse territory besides himself. When he mustered up the courage to ask, “Gov” just said that those humans didn’t work with them well and left it at that. When Greg asked further about what happened to them, “Gov” said they didn’t work with them well so they were let go. Greg understood very quickly that “let go” in this case was not the kind of escape he wanted.

[h4e]

This is literally everything.

[h4e]

Can’t wait until Ben adds countries. So people will finally stop writing Mexico like this evil abuser of “poor innocent Texas” and maybe start to actually look up the history of the area and realize that Texas was a little entitled shit head who broke laws so that slavery could continue and then through a temper-tantrum when Mexico finally said “enough of this horrible behavior”. 

[h4e]

Iowa and his Mug

Everyone has a specific mug that pretty much represents them in the Statehouse. We've seen some of them- Texas with his Buc'ees, PA with the big ass Wawa cup, Minnesota and his forest mugs, Mass with the Dunkin' cup. I'm sure we can find the perfect mug for every state. But let me tell you about Iowa's mug. It's not fancy or in your face. It's a simple 20oz black and gold metal tumbler with the Iowa Hawkeyes symbol. It also happens to be one of the most hated mugs within the Statehouse. For one simple reason- The Big 10 conference. Nebraska, Minnesota, and Wisconsin hate the Hawkeyes for their own reasons. It more stems from their long-standing football rivalry or, in Nebraska's defense- the pure hatred they have for each other. All three have attempted to misplace or destroy the metal tumbler in multiple ways (Nebraska risked destroying a turbine just to see the mug disappear). But they have all failed- either Iowa found the mug, or it seems indestructable cause they found Iowa the next day drinking from it. The Hawkeye mug never dies! They seem to forget the one thing that Iowa shares with them. He's a farmer. He's resourceful; his stuff has been beaten, battered, and dented, and he would still use it. It also doesn't help that he has multiple tumblers in his closet just in case his fellow midwestern states decide to be stupid and mess with his mug. Iowa knows his mug is hated and wouldn't have it any other way. Cause to him, the Hawkeyes have always been the better team.

[h4e]

Kentucky morning

[h4e]

I'm writing one, except that in my version Greg is a monsterfucker so I'm not sure if it's something people would want to talk about /hj

Who else is writing a cryptid!States fic or is it just me? I wanna chat with peeps to see how people are doing it.