halewilliams - Tumblr blog

[halewilliams]

this is not the kind of life that I want for myself 🫠

[halewilliams]

“I think you lost all interest in this world. You were disappointed and discouraged, and lost interest in everything. So you abandoned your physical body. You went to a world apart and you’re living a different kind of life there. In a world inside you.”

— Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

[halewilliams]

“Nothing will wreck your life like wanting something that isn’t in it… I’m trying to be enough for this body: one heartbeat, flung like a shovel into the day.”

— Hala Alyan, from “September, a week in” (Thrush Poetry Journal, January 2020) (via Read a Little Poetry)

[halewilliams]

slut! is for the girls who try to be nonchalant about love and relationships like whatever if it comes then it comes but are actually hopeless romantics that will actually accept any consequence will willingly become the scapegoat as long as the other person never lets go of their hand through it all

[halewilliams]

“slut!” by taylor swift.

font made by syarangeow on pinterest!

you can also follow me on pinterest, it would help me a lot 🫶🏻

[halewilliams]

1989 (From The Vault) + my favorite lyrics

[halewilliams]

fuck love

[halewilliams]

When did things start to go down the hill?

I used to be pretty and desired by many. I love the compliments I usually get from others. It validates all the insecurities I have within me. I love it when I can easily get away from things just because I'm pretty or allow things to happen the way I like it by using my charm.

What happened to me?

I hate the fact that people no longer love me because I'm unattractive now.

I hate that I gained much weight.

I hate that I lost my charm.

I hate the bumps and pimples on my face.

I hate my frizzy dry hair

I hate the day I dress, I look like an old lady and I'm only 26? I'm way too young for this.

Each day, I'm getting old and boring. I hate how I look. I don't feel pretty at all.

People don't see me pretty now even those people who are dear to me. I'm like an old can in the backyard. With all the dust and rust, people will just toss me away to the trash. I hate it.

I don't like this, no one will love me if I look like this.

[halewilliams]

What’s it like being conventionally attractive?

I think I was born okay, but somehow. I grew up ugly. Because I believe I wasn’t born with conventionally attractive features on my physique. So I don’t know how it’s like being approached by people to be complimented about something you can brag about. Being treated better, solely because you look better than most people, I wonder how does that feel like.

To this day, even though you would see me catching myself looking at my own reflection on the mirror. That’s because I’m not looking to admire myself or anything, I was criticizing myself, trying to fix something I can fix to at least not make me look like the ugliest person in the room.

So, how does it feel like to not worry about your physique? Do you feel like you can just walk in a room and not feel shy? Do you think everyone else is below you? Does getting love from every sides and corners feel nice? I want to experience those feelings too :(

Look, whatever struggle you’re going through right now, won’t be as bad as what I’m going through right now because you’re conventionally attractive. That’s just facts, and you can’t make me change my mind.

“Oh but, it feels so empty inside, because often feeling desired but rarely valued”.

Come closer, let me tell you something.

I would do anything, I mean anything. To even feel desired.

If you believe and have heard from other people that you’re conventionally attractive. Please just be grateful. A lot of people would buy to have your face and physique, while you were born with it.

I’m just being my own self biggest critic tonight.

(maybe a little bit of a hater too.)

[halewilliams]

bullshit, no one will love you if you're unattractive.

Mrs. Potato Head

Waking up, you look yourself into the mirror. You observe your once clear and shiny skin, which is now filled with acne and pimples. You gulp some water in, thinking it'll fix it right away and make your skin clear, knowing very well that it won't. You shower and cover your face with skin coloured powder which is also called make up until you refuse to recognise yourself. You had forgotten about a time when you were unaware of filters, you didn't apply any makeup and had a pure and real smile without caring what you look like. You start to wish having a face which looked like a beautiful yet natural filter, wishing the filter had stayed forever. You post those filtered pictures. You see people commenting on the amount of make-up and the filters you've applied. But they would've commented even if you didn't apply any. Somehow, those comments echo in your head and you end up, crying, comparing yourself with others and pulling an all nighter. The bags that had formed under your eyes. You stay in the house, trying numerous remedies from the internet trying to fix it, trying all you can, to get the "flawless" skin everybody adores and talks about. But little do you know, all it takes to have a beautiful and flawless skin is self love. Once you fall in love with yourself, all your flaws will disappear, the world will be a brighter and a filter free place to live in, just like it used to be, once.

[halewilliams]

pretty indeed

Od jutra(6.03) robię liquid fasta do niedzieli. Czyli dokladnie 6 dni zwłaszcza ze moj chlopak przyjeżdża do mnie. chce zeby sie za mnie nie wstydził. Macie jakies fajne diety? 😸 chudego dnia misie🦋❤️

na dole cos dla was.

[halewilliams]

I’ve been a bit inactive, but i’m gonna start doing weekly check-ins starting from monday! Recent weight: 84,4 kg (binged)

[halewilliams]

I’m not who I was

I can’t tell you how happy I am.

It’s too big.

[halewilliams]

Noone loves you if you're not attractive.

[halewilliams]

― Jane Austen, Persuasion

[halewilliams]

[halewilliams]

fuck being fat. gasp

fucking hate myself

All I want is to hear ,,omg you are soo skinny. Are you eating enough ??“