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[hannahjanewants2die]

01/02/19

-another year was wasted by letting boys make me feel empty

-still have hope and trust too much and love too much because no one is ever going to take that away from me

-there is a boy that i’m currently letting waste my time but i’m not going to stop anytime soon, unless he wants to

-still a mess. but more confident in my mess

[hannahjanewants2die]

We get caught in the middle of a rainstorm, which is how every romance either begins or ends. I speak your name like it’s my native language. We fishtail braid our bodies together. Sometimes I leave my tongue inside you. Sometimes the anger takes claim of my being and starts slamming doors and silent-treating you or yelling about your ex-girlfriend. It’s soft and then it’s a little bit harder. It’s easy and then I get uncomfortable when you kiss my shoulder. You play possum when you hear my key in the door. We get bored of each other. We get un-bored. I hate you and then you wear socks to bed. I hate you and then I’m desperate to touch you. I stop you half way down the stairs, hook myself around your waist, rock ever so slowly until we’re happy again. Until there is laughter again. It should be like this. Laughter. Forget serious looks, forget my wannabe sexy sashay out of my blue jeans. Smile with all your teeth. All your crooked, beautiful teeth. Keep smiling. Except for when you really can’t summon the energy. Then you can wear your grumpy face and I’ll make you scrambled eggs with milk. I know it’s your comfort food. I know your mother makes it better. It’s okay, I won’t get upset about it. I’ll call her up and tell her she raised you extraordinary. Tell her I’ve sent a bouquet of lilies to her house, addressed to the C-section scar that got you here. I do strange things like this and it bothers you sometimes. You stop inviting me out with your friends. You apologize for my behaviour at parties. Take me home early. Feel ashamed of yourself when I cry in the bathroom. Play a Jack Johnson CD ‘til I come out puffy-eyed and childlike. Hug me bear-tight. Stroke my hair for half an hour. It’s okay. It’s okay that I slam doors sometimes. It’s okay that we get bored. It’s okay that you get embarrassed of me. I’m still going to touch you lightning hot. We’re still going to make the same bad jokes. You’re learning to say sorry without making excuses. Sure, I love you. Sure, it gets hard. And then it gets softer. Then there’s your mouth at my nape again. Then my skin melts at the splash of your tongue. Oh, is it raining? Only we make the choice. We begin. We begin. We begin.

Donna-Marie Riley (via five—a—day)

[hannahjanewants2die]

You always hand over the good things first; here is my laughter, here is my confidence, here is the part of me I think is cute and worth loving. Eventually you close your eyes and hold out something heavy - here is the thing you might leave me for. If you’re lucky, they pick it up easily. If you’re lucky, they’ll let you hold theirs too.

Rebeka Anne, the good and the difficult (via anneisrestless)

[hannahjanewants2die]

I have written enough love letters, I could repurpose them as wallpaper, but perhaps the greatest fault in being a writer is having countless ways to tell someone “I love you,” and only hearing one way back.

— Schuyler Peck, Bucket List for the Suicidal (via schuylerpeck)

[hannahjanewants2die]

I don’t care how hard being together is, nothing is worse than being apart.

Josephine Angelini, Starcrossed (via larmoyante)

[hannahjanewants2die]

Why do I write. Perhaps in order not to go mad. Or, on the contrary, to touch the bottom of madness.

Elie Wiesel, from “Why I Write: Making No Become Yes” (via victoriajoan)

[hannahjanewants2die]

“so a friend did some terrible things… and now wants me to forgive them. I wont. But i just feel bad. Im just tired of saying sorry. I just dont know.”

[hannahjanewants2die]

At First Sight

The moment I saw you, I knew how beautifully bad we’d be for each other.

I had to be yours.

I think you give me more stomach pain than butterflies more heartache than skipping beats. I think we are bad habits neither one of us wants to break.

[hannahjanewants2die]

[hannahjanewants2die]

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[hannahjanewants2die]

The saddest word in the whole wide world is the word almost. He was almost in love. She was almost good for him. He almost stopped her. She almost waited. He almost lived. They almost made it.

Tiny Stories (via untamedunwanted)

[hannahjanewants2die]

If you’re with her and you wish you were elsewhere then leave. One of the cruellest things you can do to a person is make them feel like home when to you they’re only temporary. We all deserve adoration and undistracted attention. We all deserve to feel complete. If you can’t give her your whole heart, then don’t you dare hold it hostage.

Beau Taplin (via 5000letters)

[hannahjanewants2die]

Instead of saying you’re beautiful, you are worth writing about. You are worth sentences of mellifluousness that are written by the man Shakespeare aspired to be. Even in your most melancholic soft spots, there is poetry. You are a best seller novel and you should be applauded for turning literacy to life. You should be recognized for the way you exist. You should be known for the way you bring the lungs to fiction. And even if your heart, that is fraught with rare writing, is not recognized, then you should do yourself a favor and read your own book. Instead of saying you’re beautiful, you are nature. You are a menacing thunderstorm that doesn’t sympathize the life it demolishes. You are a killer through your lightning strikes and a peacemaker with your rain. When your storm is over, you are the first sight of spring, as you use your previous rain puddles to help your flowers bloom. You are so talented in using your life-threatening storm to restart the process of sprouting your colors. You are a wind that celestially chills every being in your profound grace. You are precious like the ocean and brave like an eagle. You are nature, and no matter who says they hate it, you will always and forever be there. Instead of saying you’re beautiful, you are a light. Without light, darkness would compel every inch of earth to be dull in their work and lackadaisical in their breathing. Without light, the world would be dead and thanks to you, you cease this from happening. You are a light of life, of warmth, of company, and of charm. You are a light that gives celebrities something to brag about. Without you, they wouldn’t be a star. The world needs the light to make even nighttime a name because without you, there would be no day. You are a light and even if no one thanks you for shining, you should do yourself a favor and bathe in your own radiation. Instead of saying you’re beautiful, you are a seed. You are a seed that bears no ugly bean and no matter how far you were buried in the ground, you still rose above the dirt to become something sweet. You are a seed that grows and no matter the outcome, you are growth. You are progress. You are an overcomer. And even if no one wants to help you grow, you are allowed to water your own seed. Instead of saying you’re beautiful, you are a perfume. You are a perfume with a scent so angelic that even your shadow blesses those who swim in mud. You are a blessing to those who need a sweet smell, a presence that drowns them in the pool of delight. You are a perfume, and even if no one wants to spray you, you can spray your own self. Instead of saying you’re beautiful, you are more than that. Beautiful is becoming a word that is not emphatic enough to describe existence. “You are beautiful” is becoming a cliché and you are not a cliché. Beautiful is a beautiful compliment and being called so deserves to be appreciated and thanked. But, I promise you that you are more than just beautiful. No, my love, you are art.

“instead of saying you’re beautiful,” because you are not a cliché (via journalinq)

[hannahjanewants2die]

There’s a corner of my heart that is yours. And I don’t mean for now, or until I’ve found somebody else, I mean forever. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or once or never again, there’ll always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you.

Beau Taplin || T h e  C o r n e r   (via afadthatlastsforever)

[hannahjanewants2die]

When you find yourself weighing the pros and cons of a relationship, it’s time to say goodbye and move on. Because when you’re in love, the drawbacks, the faults, the stuff that makes your skin crawl, are the very same things you cannot imagine a life without.

Beau Taplin || T h e  D r a w b a c k s (via afadthatlastsforever)

[hannahjanewants2die]

She always looked beautiful asleep. Her face, when she slept, was neither happy nor unhappy. It simply existed. But today the line of it was too finely drawn. I wished that I could make her happy but the only thing I knew to do for this was to let her keep on sleeping.

Ernest Hemingway, from True At First Light (via words-and-coffee)

[hannahjanewants2die]

November 19, 2014

I didn't write yesterday. To sum it up I went to school and then worked until 7. I watched Awkward then I crashed. I know I'm really falling for him because I haven't told my friends that I like him. I like him a lot. I feel like he thinks I'm out of his reach; that I would never go for him. That's beyond ridiculous. I've like the idiot for a while and now things just seem like the timing is coming together.