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[harleythealter]

Update. Apparently that’s not a lot of money to pay in dental bills and apparently my mom said she was paying for it. So there’s that. And she said she’d be by me when they dig around in my mouth next time. So like. Yay for moms. Because idk if I could survive without mine.

I disassociated so hard in the dentist today and then vaguely thought “I wonder who’s present rn. I wonder who’s processing all of this for me?” and brought myself bad to the full reality of what was happening to me. And it was painful. What a horrible way to resurface.

And then ontop of that I had this horrible(imo) interaction with somebody. It got quiet. The kind of quiet it gets when you’re having a staring contest. And so whenever she’d explain to me the devastation of my teeth, she’d pause and my brain just started going fucking nuts because “this is where you say something” echoed inside my head but I knew for a fact it was not. Anyways. That was the most painful explanation ever. But I really appreciated this new dentist for actually explaining what they were doing to me and what they were looking at and let me see the pictures they took and helped me comprehend them.

Which. Both terrified me because I’ve had a clean dental record for damn near 7 years or something wild and suddenly I go to a new dentist and they’re like… haha… uhm here’s 7 cavities. It’s going to cost over $1300. (In a professional way tho). And I’m pissed off because when they explained how they spotted the cavities on two of my teeth I was like… I think those have been there since my last checkup where the old dentist said I’m all good. And I’m so confused now. But I didn’t say that because it was so awkward. Thank fuck my mom wasn’t there to see the initial check in.

Also why do adults go into so much detail about how painful it is to have cavities when we’re kids. When I was a child I thought “that sounds horrible” and shrugged it off. Now as an adult I see the great fear.

Also like. Will they let me wear my noice cancelling headphones while they work on the cavities? I’m so fucking scared. Adults really gotta figure out what not to say around children with the belief that there won’t be consequences.

Anyways. We talked about flossing and when my teeth were being cleaned, the person helping could hardly get the flosser between some of the teeth. It was so hard to explain to the doctor who did the real evaluation that like. I get discouraged by how hard it is. I can’t get around my retainer or back by my wisdom teeth(I have a jaw locking problem weird ass thing and can’t open my mouth much). And I want to floss but I don’t know how. So they gave me a whole bunch of tools and she suggested something expensive or something that basically blasts water at my teeth to help with flossing. So… there’s that. We’ll see if the other stuff works first. It’s not that I don’t want to floss but I cut my fingers open with flosser string cuz I saw so much to get it into my teeth. But floss picks shred after one tooth.

At least my new dentist is super kind.

They were like. Wanna set up your 6 month cleaning. And I had to awkwardly think like… we go once every two years but uhm… sure. Well that failed cuz I’m gone during the six month period so I’m basically going back in 11 months.

Im so scared to tell my mom about what they found. And even more scared to go back.

[harleythealter]

I disassociated so hard in the dentist today and then vaguely thought “I wonder who’s present rn. I wonder who’s processing all of this for me?” and brought myself bad to the full reality of what was happening to me. And it was painful. What a horrible way to resurface.

And then ontop of that I had this horrible(imo) interaction with somebody. It got quiet. The kind of quiet it gets when you’re having a staring contest. And so whenever she’d explain to me the devastation of my teeth, she’d pause and my brain just started going fucking nuts because “this is where you say something” echoed inside my head but I knew for a fact it was not. Anyways. That was the most painful explanation ever. But I really appreciated this new dentist for actually explaining what they were doing to me and what they were looking at and let me see the pictures they took and helped me comprehend them.

Which. Both terrified me because I’ve had a clean dental record for damn near 7 years or something wild and suddenly I go to a new dentist and they’re like… haha… uhm here’s 7 cavities. It’s going to cost over $1300. (In a professional way tho). And I’m pissed off because when they explained how they spotted the cavities on two of my teeth I was like… I think those have been there since my last checkup where the old dentist said I’m all good. And I’m so confused now. But I didn’t say that because it was so awkward. Thank fuck my mom wasn’t there to see the initial check in.

Also why do adults go into so much detail about how painful it is to have cavities when we’re kids. When I was a child I thought “that sounds horrible” and shrugged it off. Now as an adult I see the great fear.

Also like. Will they let me wear my noice cancelling headphones while they work on the cavities? I’m so fucking scared. Adults really gotta figure out what not to say around children with the belief that there won’t be consequences.

Anyways. We talked about flossing and when my teeth were being cleaned, the person helping could hardly get the flosser between some of the teeth. It was so hard to explain to the doctor who did the real evaluation that like. I get discouraged by how hard it is. I can’t get around my retainer or back by my wisdom teeth(I have a jaw locking problem weird ass thing and can’t open my mouth much). And I want to floss but I don’t know how. So they gave me a whole bunch of tools and she suggested something expensive or something that basically blasts water at my teeth to help with flossing. So… there’s that. We’ll see if the other stuff works first. It’s not that I don’t want to floss but I cut my fingers open with flosser string cuz I saw so much to get it into my teeth. But floss picks shred after one tooth.

At least my new dentist is super kind.

They were like. Wanna set up your 6 month cleaning. And I had to awkwardly think like… we go once every two years but uhm… sure. Well that failed cuz I’m gone during the six month period so I’m basically going back in 11 months.

Im so scared to tell my mom about what they found. And even more scared to go back.

[harleythealter]

Reblog if you didn’t write My Immortal

We’re going to find the author by process of elimination.

[harleythealter]

My fav Matzah recipe for anybody who chooses to partake in the Feast of Unleavened Bread

1cup flour

1/3cup water (I tend to actually use 1/2 cup to mix it well)

A shake of salt

Mix it all together.

Roll it out on flour in portion sizes you prefer.

Stab it with fork a many times to prevent bubbling when it cooks.

Heat up a pan with butter

[Oven/Skillet/Griddle 350-425°F]

Flip your flatbread onto the pan and salt the top with Kosher Salt.

Lift your pieces and butter underneath, flip, resalt.

Take it off the heat and put it on your plate to let it cool before enjoying.

This recipe makes about one large dinner plate size of matzah.

Variations:

Roll it super thin and use lots of butter makes it firmer.

A bit less thin and it’s softer on the inside.

A bit less butter means less grease and a different cook on the exterior.

Put some spreadable cheese on it or jam. I typically have one piece/portion to remember and enjoy the extra with honey and strawberries or something decadent.

[harleythealter]

Thank you @mandyyvibes for the tag :D

The rules are shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and list the first 10 songs that play, then tag 10 people.

Godlight by Noah Kahan

Not Today by Twenty One Pilots

I’ll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan(OC inspo)

Halloween by Noah Kahan

Compass by Lady Antebellum

North by Sleeping At Last

Paralyzed by NF

Arms by Christina Perri

West Coast by OneRepublic

Just Like You by NF

All the people I know have been tagged already :P

[harleythealter]

Almost just bought a new phone case then remembered I’m waiting to buy my new phone to be sure I get the right case size cuz I can’t afford two new phone cases lmao

[harleythealter]

Woah. Everything that was white just turned mildly pink.

[harleythealter]

insta: @duckinggoodart

[harleythealter]

I got a 100% on the slideshow that took me 8 hours.

Fucking grateful that paid off.

[harleythealter]

People need to find better things to do with life.

[harleythealter]

Also guess who avoided a panic attack like a fucking Queen. I had to disassociate. But uhm. I was able to waver on the line where I can still bring myself back. So that went well. Seriously.

[harleythealter]

I like heavy doses of some people instead of constant sips. Yk?

When it’s some people, that means once a month, another person it could be weekly. But idk if I know a single person that I want to see every single day.

[harleythealter]

It’s been 4.5 hours this morning plus 1.5 hours at school and another 2 hours working on this assignment.

I think that everybody who thinks I’m not neurodivergent based on the fact I’m succeeding in school(welcome to what I was told every other day in middle school and throughout highschool). Anyways. I think they haven’t watched me take a 3 hour project and turn it into an 8 hour project.

Please trust me. It’s not even high quality. It’s a pile of shit. And I understand(somewhat) what’s expected of me. It’s just… what happens every time I’m given homework.

Literally don’t know how I’m surviving school with the grades I have. Imagine when I don’t understand the task I’ve been given *cries in pain*

[harleythealter]

Not me crying because I just returned to one of my top five artists after a break and I can finally listen to them again without feeling like I had to rip my ears off(sensory things lmao).

[harleythealter]

New Crow Time 🎀🏅

[harleythealter]

would you put a discarded fruit sticker on my forehead in whimsical jest yes or no

[harleythealter]

Update. Pool room door has stayed closed cuz my grandma showed up. And the symptoms have passed. I also haven’t surfaced to face the seafood smell but I have snackies in my room.

I’m walking thru an Air BnB and I’m getting light headed. Can’t breathe. Shorts shallow breaths. I almost passed out in the shower. I chalk it up to being in the ocean.

Well I almost pass out again on the stairs.

AND I SAW THE POOL ROOM DOOR OPEN.

Which makes it all make sense because I’m severely allergic to chlorine. As in I’d go to the hospital if I have another allergic reaction. It’s that severe.

So I’m locked in my room because I don’t trust the extended relatives to keep it closed. So I’m going to post a sign I think. So they know the door has to be closed for my safety.

So there’s that. Ngl it makes me eager for them to leave cuz I don’t like to be around things that are a danger to my life.

I do feel better after isolating in the room so I’m gonna keep doing that. :)