harlvn

[harlvn]

HARLAN: my name sounds kinda like ‘hurlin’ so i don’t think they would name anything after me tbh HARLAN: or anyway... they shouldn’t

text > all contacts

Skylar: yeah, you may be cool but Skylar: have you ever had a winter storm named after you? Skylar: actually it’s probably the worst thing to have named after you nevermind  Skylar: what a week, huh?

[harlvn]

bradleywalshing:

“Right… what’s her name again?” she asked genuinely. Bradley didn’t think she could handle a long distance relationship. Honestly, she’d probably lose her shit. She smirked, “He’s probably wondering why I keep staring at him. I don’t think I’m a fan of his hair.”

“ madison. mads. not that it matters ‘cause it’s not like she’s ever coming to this podunk town. i’mma have to wait ‘til college to actually get this relationship on the road. ” he slid his sunglasses back down onto his face and closed his eyes, trying to soak in the sun. his pale ass sure could use it. “ you gonna tell him? i think it’s the only kind thing to do, when you hate somebody’s hair. ”

[harlvn]

gdivia:

via just pursed her lips and shook her head slightly, refusing to dignify his callousness with a response. slight draft. people had died from less. she took a small step back into her room and folded her arms over her chest–it really was getting cold by the window, and she wasn’t wearing her fuzzy socks. “you know, the more you talk the less i want to forgive you,” via hummed, rolling her eyes and leaning against the frame of her window seat. “in fact, i think i want to shut the window on you. yeah, i think i’d like to see you fall on your ass and break a couple bones on the way down right about now.” she knelt on top of her window seat again and rested her hand on top of the latch just prove her point and make him sweat a little. of course, he decided to climb up her personal property and break into her room anyway, but she should’ve expected that of him. it was really on her for expecting anything else but inconvenience and impoliteness. “sure, just make yourself at home. it’s not like i only have enough ice cream for one and an electric blanket calling my name.   

“ yeah, i appreciate the attempt and all, but you’re lying. ” he bat his eyelashes at her and grinned for just a second before he swung himself in through her window with a surprising amount of spring in his step—some kinda poor man’s spider-man, i guess—and bounced his way over to her bed, wrapping himself in the aforementioned electric blanket. it was cold as shit out there, and he’d been standing around for a while, trying to get her attention. “ ‘cause you’ve put up with me all this time, and putting up with me means putting up with all my jabberjocking, which makes me think you might even like it. ” harry waggled his eyebrows at her in that classic salacious gesture, only, you know. he meant it as more of a gotcha. “ and i think you’d be pretty devastated and bummed to see me with some broken bones, ‘cause then even you would have too much guilt to abuse me the way you like. see? win-win. anyway, i won’t touch your ice cream. i’m keeping this, though. ”

[harlvn]

imessenger 🖂 open

brooks: add 'headache inducing' to that jfc.

brooks: what can i say? i'm a wild ride from start to finish lol 😏

brooks: yea i know, sorry for overreacting a lil. i guess u did kinda struck a nerve. like, u do have a point. sleeping with ur pals is a bad idea.

brooks: but that doesn't mean u can't have both, rite? there are plenty of people who ur not friends with that u can totally smash.

brooks: they say the same thing about leprechauns and yet here u are.

harlan: didnt i tell u that i come w/ a heavyduty migraine killer prescription free of charge

harlan: whoa is this Emotional Vulnerability

harlan: did smth happen

harlan: did u give someone a brojob and end up w/ more than just jizz on your face

harlan: who the fuck u calling a leprechaun i'm 6'1

[harlvn]

imessenger 🖂 open

brooks: dude... novel much? do u like, ever stop talking?

brooks: i honestly didn't think u were offended by the truth either but here we are. and nah u weren't right lol.

brooks: well maybe u need to stop looking for friends and look for someone to smash instead, dude.

brooks: ok, that seems.. achievable, even for u.

brooks: good point, but don't worry, there are ballgags for that.

brooks: wow @ this shade. there's nothing mediocre about me, baby.

harlan: i have a lot of thoughts and feelings im a complex nuanced layered person brooks damn

harlan: im not Actually offended if i was i just wouldnt answer u it's wild to me how fast you go from play roasting to butt hurt to actually roasting

harlan: like my buddy my dude know that i'm Always play roasting

harlan: ): but id rather have friends, yoda

harlan: mmmmmmmmmm

harlan: debatable gingers arent real

[harlvn]

TEXT * sadly not harry potter !

DYLAN: you just ARE !!

DYLAN: oh please

DYLAN: uhhhhh he so totally would wtf he is my flesh and blood

DYLAN: he would do anythING FOR ME AND VICE VERSA

HARLAN: i'm literally the nicest person in the entire history of the universe so like ??? idk what ur talking about ????? i cant read lmao bye

HARLAN: nah like. family is important but

HARLAN: everyone knows the family u choose takes precedence over the family you're born with

[harlvn]

TEXT * sadly not harry potter !

DYLAN: oh my god

DYLAN: ur being like

DYLAN: low key MEAN !!

DYLAN: i'm telling evers ur being a butt

HARLAN: how am i being MEAN !!! ur the one out here doubting MY ability to be a true homie

HARLAN: AND i said i'd forgive it if anything im being extremely merciful

HARLAN: i cant believe u think evers would ever take ur side over mine

[harlvn]

imessenger 🖂 open

brooks: somehow i doubt that.

brooks: talking about mEAN. i'm just trying to help u jfc.

brooks: the only reason why i asked is bc i have no idea what your type is geez...

brooks: mhmm sure. just wait until ur in college lol.

brooks: wow we really do have nothing in common.

brooks: not a prostitute wtf??? i just figured you could come to my party next weekend. plenty of easy chicks there.

harlan: you told me i can't afford to be picky that's mean as hell i was just pointing out a truth that i honestly didn't think u'd be offended by but

harlan: CLEARLY i hit a nerve, which means it's the truth, which just further proves that i shouldnt be fuckin my friends if i want them to still be my friends

harlan: uhhh my type is

harlan: ...girl...

harlan: idk im not more picky than that

harlan: ketchup is fuckin gross my guy it's like weirdly sweet but also weirdly salty and not in a good "french fries in ice cream" kinda way

harlan: i dont want to have sex w some random chick

harlan: or maybe i do i dont know

harlan: but that doesn't stop us from the Biggest Problem i have here, aka uhhh

harlan: what happens every time i open my mouth

harlan: which im beginning to think is 99% of the reason i haven't gotten laid bc like i'm a mediocre looking dude but there seem to be equally mediocre looking dudes out there who seem to have no difficulty pulling

harlan: u for example...

[harlvn]

imessenger 🖂 open

brooks: come ooon, that's just bc they don't wanna bone u lol.

brooks: ok, then tell me what chick u DO wanna smash.

brooks: noah fence, but if i were u i wouldn't be too picky rip.

brooks: but think about what problems it would solve, tho.

brooks: i mean, what if the alien was hot? in that case i'd probably let them probe me ngl.

brooks: LIES. i'm like ketchup, i go good on everything. but i actually wasn't talking about myself lol.

harlan: WOW

harlan: this is the meanest series of texts ive ever received

harlan: im allowed to be like "i dont want to sleep with x person because im not willing to compromise my friendship over it" how many relationships have u ruined w ur dick brooks i'm willing to bet a lot of them

harlan: i dont want anyone probing me my body is a no-probe zone

harlan: i hate ketchup so this is our first problem

harlan: then who were you talking about

harlan: I DONT NEED A PROSTITUTE

[harlvn]

TEXT * sadly not harry potter !

DYLAN: wowwwwwww

DYLAN: i can't believe this

DYLAN: i might .. have to take back my previous statement

HARLAN: you put urself in this position so like

HARLAN: i cant rly be held at fault here

HARLAN: but i guess...... i can overlook this transgression

[harlvn]

imessenger 🖂 open

brooks: that is a wild concept. and also lies.

brooks: ok so if she offered u would turn her down?

brooks: *retweet*

brooks: dude, you either have it or u don't... but i guess u already knew that lol.

brooks: you can't even dream sex aliens? shiiiiiit.

brooks: just let me help u jfc.

harlan: objectively not lies i am friends w many a girl i dont want to bone

harlan: yeah wtf i'm not having sex with via that would cause SO MANY PROBLEMS in my life

harlan: i just dont understand what this ""it"" factor is

harlan: im pretty sure alien probing would be nonconsensual and therefore not somethin im tryna have in my dreams

harlan: oh my god brooks

harlan: you're not my TYPE

[harlvn]

TEXT * sadly not harry potter !

DYLAN: alright alright fair enough

DYLAN: yeAH YEAH

DYLAN: .... i am also a tru homie right

HARLAN: before i would've said yea with no question but

HARLAN: idk.....a true homie doesnt really question someone else's homieness

[harlvn]

TEXT * sadly not harry potter !

DYLAN: o fuck

DYLAN: how could i have forgotten all that

DYLAN: 10/10 yes true homie

HARLAN: thank u thats all i ask for

HARLAN: put some respect on my name

[harlvn]

“ what’s the point of having long as fuck arms if you’re not using ‘em to reach stuff, right? call me mr. fantastic. ” it occurred to him that persephone probably would not get that joke, but whatever, it’d been a long time since harlan bothered making jokes for other people. he grabbed the box of mac and cheese in question and handed it over, only to actually look at her giant fucking baby bump and say, on instinct, “ oh—yikes. wait! not yikes. sorry, i just mean, uhhh, that looks uncomfortable. as hell. i can’t believe you’re out shopping and shit. ”

Persephone was walking around the grocery shop, one hand on her seven-month bump as she tried to get her weekly shop.When she saw the brand of mac and cheese her children liked the most was slightly out of reach, she looked at the person passing. “Would you mind reaching up for that, please?”

[harlvn]

TEXT * sadly not harry potter !

DYLAN: i am not unwoRTHY

DYLAN: idk man figure it out

HARLAN: but how am i supposed to know what YOU deem to be true homieness

HARLAN: bc i think i prove it all the time i give u my weed , i let u hang out in my basement , i let u in on the dumb pranks i pull on ur brother

[harlvn]

imessenger 🖂 open

brooks: keep telling yourself that, bro.

brooks: holy shit, brotherzoned! that's even worse. ur doomed.

brooks: ok listen, it was wILD. like something out of a bad porn movie except it felt really good lol. it just didn't seem real bc uh.. this chick kinda hates me.

brooks: really? do they probe u?

harlan: im not doomed bc i am not trying to get with via this must be a wild concept to you but i can be friends with a girl...... without wanting to bone her......

harlan: i mean duh nobody said bad porn looks like it *doesn't* feel really good

harlan: dont all chicks hate u but they get on the d anyway :/

harlan: :/ how DOES he do it :/

harlan: no but they usually steal my lunch money

[harlvn]

everestup:

“oh shit.” oh shit, they did have plans. listen, as seriously as everest took his gaming schedule, when you were as monumentally important as he was, sometimes things slipped through the cracks. this is why he needed a secretary. he had too many people to take down all over the world and he had to make stupid drinks to provide for his true calling. what a joke. “michaela can kiss my ass because i’m not doing shit for her anymore i work on a give and take basis i did her a solid last time and now she owes me if anything she should cover for my shifts.” it probably wasn’t the best idea to be trash talking his fellow co-workers on the job, but everest was, as they say, dramatic. besides, he happened to know for a fact that no one else really liked michaela. starbucks politics, he had the inside scoop. “oh, you don’t want to be hanging around this starbucks forever? trust me, trust me, neither do i…” and then he leaned back to squint at the small clock near the counter. ah. ten minutes. “ten minutes though. and adorable?” he raised his eyebrow at harry, and then made a significant show of dry heaving. “gross. gag me with a pitchfork. but i’m glad that’s over with even if you did have to be adorable.”

“ you forgot. ” harry sighed one of his deep, intense, classic harry sighs. “ of course you forgot. for fuck’s sake, dude, i swear, you are so unreliable. ” this was patently false—evers was pretty reliable, as far as friends go, and even more so when it came to their gaming. but that didn’t stop harry from being dramatic, because nothing ever would. “ i dunno why i even bother signing you up for shit when i should know you’re gonna forget and then make me look like a damn fool because you’re a basic bitch like michaela. ” oops! did he say that a little too loud? he anxiously glanced around the starbucks. all seemed clear; crisis averted. he took a sharp sip from his frap, if only to look like that one reaction gif of beyonce that he still used too often, several years later. it was a good reaction gif. “ listen, don’t at me like this. you get paid to be here. you choose to have this shitty job. i’m just standing around, wasting my precious goddamn time. i have things to do. anyway, don’t get all extra on me just because you’re literally not capable of being adorable. one of us has to be the cute one in the gang. ”