havealitttlefaitth

[havealitttlefaitth]

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[havealitttlefaitth]

5/9/17 UPDATE

Sorry, future self, for not updating for the last like 2 months. School has absolutely been crazy with finals and term papers. But now I’m finished! I’ve decided that I absolutely hate psychology so going to school for that is over with. As of right now, my plan is to go back to community college for film production. Hoping I’ll be able to bring my grade point average up there. 

Anyway, as of Saturday, I’ve started Metformin. It’s technically a diabetic medication but it also treats Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (which I have) and is also used for weight control. So yay! I have an appetite suppressant!!!! I can already tell a difference!

I’ve been thinking and I think I’m going to bring my ultimate up to 100. It’s not underweight but I’m thinking when I get there, I’ll decide how I feel.

Also, I decided to start a new diet with some friends in my group chat. It’s not ABC but it’s a different one that looks awesome!!! It lasts for 31 days so I’m super excited for this.

Starting weight: 327

Current weight: 278

Total weight lost: 49 pounds

Next goal weight: 270

How far to next goal: 8 pounds

Ultimate goal weight: 100

How far to go: 178 pounds

Calories per day: I don’t even know what it was during finals. I didn’t really eat. I think. Idk. I can’t remember at all. It’s really hazy. I slept for maybe 5 hours total all finals week and didn’t really eat at all. I mostly just drank coffee.

Exercise goal per week: 1 ½ - 2 hours a day, 3-4 days a week.

Actual exercise this week:

      NONE :’(

GET IT TOGETHER, BISH!

[havealitttlefaitth]

If I go, I know they'll want to go eat, too. I can't even hang out with my friends anymore because I know there will be food involved. Sometimes, I wish I had never gotten mixed up with Ana. But other times, I'm so happy that I did. And that kind of scares me.

[havealitttlefaitth]

I’m Not An Inspiration

My parents tell me they're so proud of me. I’ve had people that I don't know stop me around campus asking if I've lost weight and telling me that I look good. My mom goes around telling her friends how proud she is that I've lost so much weight and that I seem so committed. They don't know that all I want to do is scream at them that I’m not an inspiration. 

I eat 400 calories a day. And if I go over or, God forbid, end up binging, I punish myself by making myself vomit and fasting the next day... Or two. I spend 2 and a half to 3 hours in the gym every 1-2 days. 

My gpa is failing so badly because I can't focus on anything. I skip class to go to the gym. I spend my time counting calories and looking at pictures of pretty, thin girls instead of working on assignments. 

I want to tell people this but the thin girl that's inside my head is telling me that I can't. I don't look like i'm starving. I'm not there, yet. I'm not worthy of the diagnosis of Anorexia. I’m nowhere near reaching that magic number on the scale. I’m not beautiful, yet. I’m not perfect, yet.

I know that I shouldn’t do these things and think these things. I know that I should tell someone. But I just can’t. And even if I did they wouldn’t believe me. They would roll their eyes and blow it off. And even if they did believe me, I couldn’t even handle them believing me. Even when someone casually asks me if I’m not going to eat, it’s like Ana automatically wakes up and starts hitting the alarms. When my mom tells me to eat it’s like I shut down. I disappear and Ana comes back in my place. It’s not me anymore.

I panic. And I just get so angry. It’s like trying to tell a 3 year old to pick up their toys. I get so defensive and upset and my first instinct is to just run away as far as I can.

I hate Ana but I love her. I love her so much. And Ana loves me. She loves me so much that she’s wrapping herself around me like a python and squeezing with all of her might. She’s not letting go of me. And I don’t know what I would do if she did. She’s not giving up on me so I’m not giving up on her.

[havealitttlefaitth]

If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with you are a success story

Blythe Baird

[havealitttlefaitth]

I want to be skinny so I can wear pretty skirts.

[havealitttlefaitth]

To whoever is having trouble finding progress points:

So, you know you’ve lost weight. The scale shows it; so why can’t you any difference in your thighs, calves, stomach, or arms? If you can’t see any changes in those areas, look at your hands. Don’t your tendons stick out a bit more? How about your wrists? I think that bone is slightly more defined when you flex it. Your shoulders and shoulder blades seem a bit sharper, too. Look at your knees, don’t they look a little more angular? How about your ankles and feet? They’re getting thinner too. Take a walk in your comfiest pair of jeans. Doesn’t it seem like you need to pull them up more? They’re getting looser as you’re getting skinnier. You’re doing great sweetie, just keep up the good work.

[havealitttlefaitth]

[havealitttlefaitth]

🎀I can do this and you can’t stop me. I know you just want me to be fat

[havealitttlefaitth]

Je veux juste être parfait ✨

[havealitttlefaitth]

G O A L S 🖤

[havealitttlefaitth]

[havealitttlefaitth]

Remember how happy you will be when you step on the scale and reach your goal. Better than that brownie, right??

[havealitttlefaitth]

Starbucks under 100 calories

YOU’RE WELCOME

All with nonfat milk. Please don’t steal. Also I did not include any of the espressos because they are all under 25 cal and there’s a lot of those, the same applies to the iced teas.

Caffé misto: 

-short 35 cal

-tall 60 cal

-grande 70 cal

-venti 90 cal

Iced coffee with milk:

-tall 80 cal

-grande 100 cal

Caffè latte:

-short 70 cal

Iced caffè latte:

-tall 70 cal

Cappuccino:

-short 50 cal

-tall 60 cal

-grande 80 cal

Caramel Macchiato:

-short 100 cal

Cinnamon dolce latte:

-short 100 cal

Flat white:

-short 60 cal

Latte macchiato:

-short 60 cal

-tall 100 cal

Skinny cinnamon dolce latte:

-short 60

-tall 100

Skinny mocha:

-short 80 cal

Iced skinny mocha :

-tall 70 cal

Doubleshot on ice:

-tall 70 cal

Iced black tea:

-tall 60 cal

-grande 80 cal

Iced black tea lemonade:

-tall 90 cal

Chai tea latte:

-short 100 cal

English breakfast black tea latte:

-short 80 cal

Green tea latte:

-short 80 cal

Iced green tea:

-tall 60 cal

-grande 80 cal

Iced green tea lemonade:

-tall 90 cal

London fog tea latte:

-short 80 cal

Got tired on tea so it’s almost:

*all tall iced tea with nonfat milk 60/80 cal

Refreshers:

Cool lime:

-tall 60 cal

-grande 70 cal

Very berry hibiscus:

-tall 70 cal

-grande 90 cal

Coffe frappuccino light blended:

-tall 90 cal

Espresso frappuccino light blended:

-tall 80 cal

Lemonade:

-tall 80 cal

Skinny hot chocolate:

-short 80 cal

Blonde cinnamon almondmilk macchiato:

-short 100 cal

Shaken iced white tea:

-tall 30 cal

-grande 45 cal

-venti 60 cal

-trenta 70 cal

Shaken iced white tea lemonade:

-tall 70 cal

-grande 90

Lightly sweetened chai tea latte:

-short 80 cal

[havealitttlefaitth]

Atypical Anorexia.

[havealitttlefaitth]

[havealitttlefaitth]