havencfear

[havencfear]

[havencfear]

that’s the choice. i love him, with all that, because of all that.

[havencfear]

Harry interviewed by Zane Lowe, 2019

[havencfear]

maxencefvl 1,2,3. #analog 📷 : @axelauriant

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wundcrlust​:

      HIS HEAD SHOOK at anita, her words too kind for how he was acting. she was such a gentle woman, bernardo expected to have been chastised this time. his chest tightened as she continued speaking. “i’m sorry…i picked up some extra shifts…and studied at chino’s…” his head hung like a shamed child, her gentle hands brushed his tears away, a gentle smile curling across his lips. he nuzzled into her hand, kissing against her palm, stopping slowly as she asked him to stay, eyes pressing shut as he nodded against her. “nunca más, lo prometo.” a hand rose to caress anita’s cheek, standing up as he pulled her up to him, arms gently combing through her hair. “i’m never going to leave you, not forever. i’m sorry it was childish of me, sweetheart.” thumb stroking against the curve of her jawline, nose dropping to nuzzle against hers, tears still falling from his face. “i thought this time was the one that would stick…te mereces mucho mejor, ángel.” 

she simply shook her head as he explained himself, watching him with a soft smile. “ eres un idiota. ” she whispered as she brushed back his hair from his face, laughing a little to herself. sure, she’d been mad, but she could never stay mad at him for long, even for something like this. not when he was this apologetic and sweet about it. she watched as he stood up and pulled her close, still wiping the tears from his cheeks as he did. “ forever’s quite a long time, nardo. you sure you wanna put up with me for that long ?? ” she raised an eyebrow, almost as if she were challenging him, before pushing up onto her toes to kiss his cheek softly. just having him home and close to her was enough to quell any worries she may have had, enough to keep her happy -- which was all she ever really wanted, him and happiness. “ that may be so, but i don’t want better. i deserve to have what i want, and i want you -- always. ”

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pcper-fcntcsy​:

“Later in life…” Olive mumbled to themself in repetition. Their childhood had been spent alone in a huge house with only their books to talk too, and although Olive never pitied that part of their life, it’s hard to imagine life without that loneliness that followed them around everywhere, “And the problem is only magnified for those who menstruate, or people of color. Getting told you’re only feeling these things for trivial reasons and you just need to get over everything. And it only makes things worse for young people, if they feel like they don’t have adults to go to in those vulnerable moments.”

“ trust me, youre telling someone who knows all of that all too well. ” anita couldn’t help but nod as she looked up from the hem she was working on. “ and then, in those vulnerable moments, they lash out in order to protect themselves, because it’s the only way they know how to keep themselves safe, and it only makes the matter worse. ” she sighed -- talking from experience, she knew the situation wasn’t always the best one. hell, she was stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship because of that lashing out; nine out of ten times, it was ultimately her own fault things fell apart. 

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wundcrlust​:

                   ZEKE WAS DONE with today’s shift at the bakery, and was walking out with some left over sweets when he felt someone else’s body crash into his. or his body crash into their’s? either way, the confectionaries in their nicely packaged container fell to the ground. and zeke turned to the other, mouth open wide. “i am so sorry!! i didn’t mean to-i was so excited to get home i didn’t notice you. are you okay?” the man asked, stooping to pick up the container. luckily, none of the precious cargo was too banged up.  @musicalstarters​

“ shit... ” spot frowned, kneeling down to help the other guy, picking things up for him. he’d been completely lost in his own thoughts and hadn’t seen him, otherwise he probably would’ve been mad as hell. usually, he’d start cussing, but this was mostly his fault anyways. “ you okay?? i wasn’t paying any attention. ”

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walkingmxuth​:

David felt himself let out a huff of a laugh as he shook his head. Spot was right, his own injuries were more important (especially in this moment, but…) “Okay, fair. But that doesn’t mean I still won’t worry about…” He wasn’t entirely sure when he trailed off but he doubted anybody would blame him. It was hard to think when Spot seemed to gravitate towards him and David could feel the heat of his breath waft across his features, the scent of whiskey faint. He opened his mouth to say something, to try to finish his sentence, but then Spot was settling the bottle down and any change of forming a coherent sentence was gone.

David could feel his heart pounding against his chest, his entire body strangling in tune to the beat as his eyes dropped down to Spot’s lips. He could barely hear the words simply because his own brain had short-circuited, but he watched Spot’s lips form them. Tell me to stop. He should have, he knew. This was nothing but a fling to Spot and David knew that his feelings would only complicate things, but… But despite it all, he couldn’t say no. Not when Spot’s hand pressed against his cheek and his lips were so close. “Don’t,” he said, his voice surprisingly hoarse. “Don’t stop.”

spot swallowed when he heard davey’s voice, almost not believing the words he was saying. he hesitated still, sitting there in silence for a long moment as he debated actually going through with this. sure, it wasn’t much different from the other times this had happened, except for the fact that davey was sober and saying this, while spot was drunk and more vulnerable than he had felt in a long while. vulnerability wasn’t something spot particularly liked, but it came so easy with davey. and before he could let himself pull away and wimp out, he closed the distance and softly connected their lips.

between all of their kisses, this was completely different -- softer, a lot more careful on spot’s part. maybe it was the alcohol or just the full relief that he was okay and here and alive, which could’ve easily been the case hours before, but he just wanted to kiss him. to make sure this was completely real. 

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walkingmxuth​:

Donna raised her own glass to match Spot’s, taking a pretty hefty drink from it before settling it back on the little napkin serving as a coaster. This type of place used to be where she thrived, back before she became a mother. This was the type of place she’d perform, if she wasn’t able to book a real venue, and the drunk patrons usually ate that shit up. Now she felt so out of place. Instead she focused all of her attention on Spot. “Feelings. Care to elaborate?” She blamed herself for how reserved he was with his emotions, mostly because she was never the greatest at expressing her own (especially not to her kids). “You know you can talk to me, right? I may not look it, but I’ve got forty years of life experience that might be handy.” And regrets, though she didn’t think stating that would help much.

spot hummed as he took a long drink from his cup, tracing the rim after he’d set it back down. “ i mean... not really. you know i don’t do feelings. ” he shrugged again. it was better that way, he thought -- no chance of being left behind again, no chance of losing familiarity of friendship. sure, that wasn’t the best way to go through things, but it was what he’d learned from a young age. “ i know, momma. but really, there’s nothing to talk about. it’s just feelings, and i just gotta shove them down until they don’t affect me anymore. ” he flashed a grin, raising his eyebrows. 

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indaylghts​:

havencfear​ .

     MARK INSTANTLY CLOSES his mouth when roger speaks, the scent of alcohol hanging in the air. the filmmaker shakes his head, “ was it? ” he questions, doubting both roger’s words and his own. his eyes dart wordlessly to the bottle in roger’s hand, then back to his solemn expression. maybe it’s because roger’s tipsy off jack, or maybe – maybe they had both gone too far. but mark, pulled back to that night, wishes he could take back what he said, and once again, he’s left to wonder what roger could possibly be thinking.

     he swallows down, “ i don’t think it was, ” he reiterates, mostly to himself, “ i mean, come on, ” he sighs out exasperatedly, not wanting to just come out and say it, “ you almost – you almost relapsed. it’s serious. “

     a pause. “ and i’m sorry that i haven’t been around that much. this fucking job – it’s draining, “ he continues with a frown, guilt seeping from every word, eyes glued to the concrete. but this isn’t about him. “ i should have been there. for you. i know since we moved here i haven’t really – “ he picks at his fingernails, still not looking up. “ i don’t know. i’m sorry roger. “

roger finally forces himself to sit up, dangling the bottle between his knees as he looks at it intently. he didn’t really know what to say, not when there were few thoughts in his head anyways and all of them weren’t exactly the best things for someone who was recovering. but he couldn’t exactly help it this time around. he sighed again, taking another chug of the bottle, sitting in the silence for a long moment. words weren’t his strong suit -- they never were, and maybe that’s why he had been trying and failing to write this song. 

“ i almost relapsed because i miss her, okay ?? ” he really wasn’t thinking now, just looking down at the bottle as he spoke. it was probably the first time he’d actually talked about april in a while, something he was sure mark would wonder about. “ it was the only time ever really got along entirely, when we were shooting up. she wouldn’t... yell at me or any of that shit. so i thought it would, i dunno... bring back memories. ” he shrugged, swirling the bottle and still not looking at him. “ it’s fine, okay ?? i’m getting over it and moving on. i’m even gonna hock the ring, so... ” 

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littlebelotte​:

“Hi, I’m not usually… Uh- wet.” 

Seymore’s eyes drifted down, letting out a swift sigh. Wedding season was never something he adored, but he knew it was what made his shop stay open through out the year. A big wedding had requested a sit down lunch, something he thought would be easy. Nonetheless, calling red roses boring had ended with a glass of water thrown at him as the bride stomped from the room. Luckily, no food had been ordered, no check stuck to his name. But the drenched shirt was enough to put melancholy in the air. Of course he had to bump into someone on the way to the bathroom, eyes rolling at himself finally as he looked up.

“This just really isn’t my day.”

@musicalstarters​

roger raised an eyebrow as he looked at the guy, biting back a laugh. “ i didn’t think you would be normally wet. ” he shoved his hands in his pockets, taking in the site -- clearly, he either spilled a drink on himself or had one spilled on him. and if he had to guess, roger would say the latter considering the fact it was a rare sunny day in london. “ did you piss someone off or did you just manage to spill something all over you ?? ” he asked with a slight grin, rocking back on his heels a bit. “ if you did somehow manage to spill something that bad, no wonder you’re having a shit day. ”

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defyingrcvity​:

        HEARING SOMEONE SPEAK up caused wendy to turn her head so she could give them a look over her shoulder. her smile never fell ( how could it when nana was treating her to some sweet kisses ; kisses she had missed dearly ), in fact it grew a bit wider when she recognised the guy�� vaguely. she had met him, what seemed like months ago. a giggle fell from the brunette’s brims when he said he didn’t really have anything to compare to, but that nana seemed sweet enough. “ she is the sweetest ! “, the girl confirmed, nodding as she lifted one of her hands to motion roger to come closer. “ do you want to pet her ? don’t worry, i promise she won’t bite. she is very loving and loves affection. “.

roger smiled a bit as he looked at the dog, unable to help himself. he always had been a dog person more than anything. he took a step closer at her wave, still just watching her for a moment before carefully holding a hand out for her to smell -- he’d heard you were supposed to do that somewhere, though he couldn’t figure out exactly where from now that he thought about it. “ oh, im sure she doesn’t, she looks like all she wants is pets. ” he laughed a bit as she sniffed his hand and then put her head under his hand. roger scratched her head affectionately. “ what’s her name ?? ”

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wundcrlust​:

“HUH.” LES huffed, a look akin to admiration on his face. sophie was an enigma, that was for sure. “she really is your sister. them secrets. the mystery… i think it’s what draws us jacobs to you all…” shoulders rose as he jokingly sneered at spot. a barking laugh leaving his lips as he put his mug down. “oh c’mon spot.” blue eyes rolling sarcastically as he let his head tip to the side. he was in an impish mood, but more or less just wanted those two idiots to stop denying it and date already. “i may be dumb but i’m not blind. or deaf.” a self satisfied look on les’ face as he picked the mug back up, lips loosely sipping. “but…how have things been? dave said he stayed the night at yours after his mugging. thanks for taking care of him. you’re a real brilliant friend.”

“ she learned all her secret keeping from yours truly. ” he grinned as he took another sip of his coffee. really he could credit it ( as well as his own secret keeping ) to their mom -- after all, neither of them still had any clue about who sophie’s dad was. “ i’ve never touched your brother, les. ” though, he knew that was a loosing battle; les did live here too, he had seen spot in his rare, vulnerable moments with davey before, but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of admitting to it. “ yeah, he did. i wasn’t there most of the night, ended up going to a friend’s. ” hiding sophie and their mom was a habit at this point, and he couldn’t really hide it. “ hey, he’s helped me more times than i can count. i owed him one. ”  and while that was also a lie, he knew he couldn’t tell les. no one could know what actually happened if either of them valued their safety. 

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walkingmxuth​:

There was something about this situation that felt intimate. He felt guilty just thinking about it, but Spot’s fingers kept pressing into David’s skin and the other was finding it increasingly difficult not to think about… their relationship. Friendship. Whatever it was. He huffed out a laugh, ducking his head just long enough for him to gather thoughts so his next sentence wouldn’t be some self-deprecating ‘it’s definitely possible to hate me’ kind of thing, but Spot was barreling on and though a part of him still felt the urge to protest, he didn’t. He let the subject change, if only for now.

“I was afraid you’d say that,” he commented, shifting his body so Spot would have better access to his hand. He faced the other now, able to get a better look at Spot’s face while he worked. “I just…” He allowed himself to keep his expression light, though he knew the words held more weight than he wanted them to. As long as Spot didn’t read between the lines, it’d be fine. “You get hurt enough, I don’t want to contribute to that. Even if I’m too weak to actually do anything, I’d feel guilty thinking one of those bruises were caused by me.” With his free hand he gestured to Spot’s body, which always seemed to be covered in injuries lately, before letting it fall back to the couch.

“ if i were you, ” spot raised an eyebrow and allowing a small smile to fall into place. “ i would focus more on your own injuries than the slim chance of you hurting me. ” he finally finished cleaning up the wounds he could see, leaning back a bit as he took another long chug of the bottle at his side. he hated this whole situation, that much was clear from both his attitude and words, but he also was just thankful he was okay, at least for now. for now, he was sitting in front of him and safe, which was really all he could ask for. 

he hadn’t even noticed he’d been leaning forward until he had to lean a hand on the couch next to davey, close enough that his breath was ghosting over his face. and maybe it was spurred on by the alcohol and the pure relief that he was actually alright despite all the shit that had happened in the last few hours, but he was too far in now. setting the bottle down next to himself absentmindedly, he carefully lifted one hand to his cheek. “ tell me to stop. ” he mumbled, having enough of a mind to know that this was probably not something davey wanted. 

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walkingmxuth​: 

Spot wasn’t blood but he might as well have been, with how long Donna had been taking care of him. It was in her nature to care and worry, two things that she did more often than not. “Hey, I’m not judging. Just be careful, yeah?” She raised her own drink, taking a sip if only to stop the smirk from spreading across her lips. “But you knew who I was talking about,” she hummed, setting her drink down on the bar. Even then Spot was staring at the boy and Donna knew just enough about being lovesick that she could interpret the look right then. “Boy, you’ve got it bad.” She bumped shoulders with him at the same time, keeping her tone light despite how sincere her own eyes were just then.

“ i’m always careful, momma. ” spot smiled at her, lifting his glass to clink against hers. he usually would’ve been alone in some corner at a party like this, avoiding the loud music that was currently being sung by someone on stage and the far too many people. but with donna he didn’t feel like hiding away -- probably the motherly caring he got from her. “ yeah, well, everyone tends to call me out on it, so... ” he laughed a bit, shrugging as he took a sip. “ it’s not bad, it’s just... ” well, yeah, he did have it bad. but he didn’t like admitting it to anyone, even his mother. even if there was a better word for his feelings and he just refused to say it. “ it’s just feelings. i try not to bother with them. ”

[havencfear]

kingofnxwyxrk​:

           “ whatever, i can make you some coffee if you want, ” KAT said with a weak wave of the hand. she doubted this was going to be a short visit anyways, and he clearly needed something to sober up. she watched as he paced for a moment. she bit her lip, wondering just what spot could’ve gotten himself into. she shook her head, realizing she probably needed her own cup of caffeine to truly grasp whatever he may say. “ well, you better start talking then, ” she said as she walked past him towards the kitchen. she continued as she fiddled with her coffee maker, “ you must think highly of me if you don’t think i won’t try to kill you for something stupid. ” she smirk pulled on her lips. “ would’ve thought davey would be the typical go - to, but i guess you value his sleep over mine. ”

he watched her head into the kitchen, deciding a moment later to actually follow her. “ thanks. ” he nodded, hands shoved in his pockets. sobering up was probably a good idea considering all things, and the last thing he needed was another stupid drunk move on his plate to have to deal with. the mention of davey had him looking down at his feet, wondering where to start. “ well, see... that’s part of the problem. ” he shrugged a bit, silent for a moment before deciding to just spill it all out. “ okay, so, i’m in a gang. a real, drug-peddling, money-laundering, highly illegal bullshit gang, okay ?? in this gang, i do some illegal fighting. and i told davey about it because i was drunk and we’d gotten into a fight because i was hiding things. well, davey followed me to a fight, and... ” he sighed running a hand through his hair. “ long story short, dave is now in the same gang and i don’t know what to fucking do. ” that wasn’t the entire reason he was as freaked out as he was, but it was the main reason. the only reason kat needed to know about right now, anyways. 

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