headsemptysys

[headsemptysys]

Also doing this while like semi consistently partially age regressed is a choice. And I'm in vc? Openly inviting ppl to hang out? Damn. Interesting day I guess.

Idk I still am regressed just like. In the corner. I still like hugging Sophie. It's not a like, age slider scale where I feel slightly younger like a teen, but there's this child in the back of my mind just hanging out next to me. He's (pronouns? Weird. Feels like. Hmmm actually that's a thought for. Later. Egg stage in life theory?? Wants to be a boy but too used to being a girl to feel like anything else??) Just sort of. There. Sitting quietly.

Idk he's chilling. (Wow the euphoria ?? Or I'm just high.)

4:55AM

[headsemptysys]

3:45PM iissshhh

Pat is visiting mom. So I've got like, a couple hours probably. At least enough for like, one hit

4:55AM

[headsemptysys]

Do you see it? Do you recognize it in me? Can you see the spiral from where you're watching?

I feel like I'm drowning. There are people swimming all around me and I'm drowning and I don't think any of them even see me. Half the time I'm not sure they know I exist at all.

[headsemptysys]

I wanna scream!!!! I kinda wish I could like talk to someone but Pat is here and awake and I can't unmask. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Not that it'd help. I wanna talk but I know I'm gonna end up not me anymore or just go nonverbal. Lonely.

Augughghghguhuguhg. Wehg. Why am I age regressing. Why do I feel so-- gurugghhh

I am full of rage and also feel like a child. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I don't even know why. Grabbed the dog stuffie (Sofie) and cuddling her watching videos but aghrhgg I kinda wanna rip something with my teeth

Also I dropped the entire lasagna I was gonna eat on the ground so I had to eat a thing I didn't want to instead. I was really looking forward to the food I wanted and spent an hour mentally preparing for. The universe fucking hates me and I hate it back

I think I'm like... Static but regressed. Idk. I feel like Lily/Sophie but I don't like either of those names. I feel like a girl but I don't wanna be a girl. I don't wanna feel like a girl it feels. Bad and wrong.

[headsemptysys]

Augughghghguhuguhg. Wehg. Why am I age regressing. Why do I feel so-- gurugghhh

I am full of rage and also feel like a child. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I don't even know why. Grabbed the dog stuffie (Sofie) and cuddling her watching videos but aghrhgg I kinda wanna rip something with my teeth

Also I dropped the entire lasagna I was gonna eat on the ground so I had to eat a thing I didn't want to instead. I was really looking forward to the food I wanted and spent an hour mentally preparing for. The universe fucking hates me and I hate it back

I think I'm like... Static but regressed. Idk. I feel like Lily/Sophie but I don't like either of those names. I feel like a girl but I don't wanna be a girl. I don't wanna feel like a girl it feels. Bad and wrong.

[headsemptysys]

Double hit. I am aware I will regret this a lot.

4:55AM

[headsemptysys]

4:55AM

[headsemptysys]

So are we gonna acknowledge that like... My phobia of bugs is so bad it gives me compulsions? I don't think "I want to brush my hair but I have to make sure the brush doesn't put bugs in my hair (so I have to meticulously clean it out until there's nothing I can't concretely identify left)" is a normal, sane thought process. I don't think most people have to check the toilet paper roll every time they use it to make sure there's nothing inside or on the back of it. Don't have to run a visual sweep of a room that had a bug in it for weeks after the last sighting of said bug. That *might* have had a bug in it, at one point in time.

I don't think these things are normal, actually. I don't think most people are so concerned with bugs in their hair. I don't think most people get paranoid about sleeping in a room they haven't been in for a few days, because maybe a spider moved in while I wasn't looking. Or a moth. Or a beetle. Or any bug or insect in the world.

[headsemptysys]

Going full circle baby!! BNHA OC!!!

This was how we got the teddy bear sona. So, I'm making a hero version of mine. For fun.

Idk the idea of static being a quirk like this was interesting.

So I sketched a rough concept of a sona because I want one separate from the main "teddy bear child" thing. That one's cute and all but like. Girl that's pink and frilly I don't want pink and frilly I want to be the fukcign void y'know

[headsemptysys]

5:52AM ish

This is bad of me. I am very aware of that. I know.

2:20AM

Might've taken too strong a hit. Oops.

[headsemptysys]

More detail (+ a bit of a vent)

I'm starting to really like this guy actually. Need to draw them with more hands

Yes the skin is like, actually skin color. And also yes I am aware the knife sucks really bad I couldn't be bothered with it

So I sketched a rough concept of a sona because I want one separate from the main "teddy bear child" thing. That one's cute and all but like. Girl that's pink and frilly I don't want pink and frilly I want to be the fukcign void y'know

[headsemptysys]

2:20AM

Might've taken too strong a hit. Oops.

[headsemptysys]

So I made it creepy .

I wanted like... Made of static. Got two hands, but only visible when they need to be. Doesn't always have eyes visible, either. Under the static on the face is a lot of scarring like claws tearing at flesh. Don't worry about that.

Hands are like, disconnected from the "body" and float around as needed. Usually there is at least one but there can probably be many. Open mouth has static in it. No physical body beyond the head and hands, the static just sort of fizzles out near the bottom of the torso.

So I sketched a rough concept of a sona because I want one separate from the main "teddy bear child" thing. That one's cute and all but like. Girl that's pink and frilly I don't want pink and frilly I want to be the fukcign void y'know

[headsemptysys]

Like I've been host for awhile now and the fact that none of us have bothered with anything but the teddy bear child thing is a crime that I'm fixing. Everyone else can do as they please but I'm proving a point

The point is that I want to distance from the whole "Pooka" thing. ..

(Hi. I see you've been brought forward by this I guess. Will you draw this for me ..)

So I sketched a rough concept of a sona because I want one separate from the main "teddy bear child" thing. That one's cute and all but like. Girl that's pink and frilly I don't want pink and frilly I want to be the fukcign void y'know

[headsemptysys]

So I sketched a rough concept of a sona because I want one separate from the main "teddy bear child" thing. That one's cute and all but like. Girl that's pink and frilly I don't want pink and frilly I want to be the fukcign void y'know

[headsemptysys]

I think I set off someone else's defense mechanism and/or a spiral and now I'm so unbelievably anxious. Feels like the world is ending. Thanks brain.

[headsemptysys]

Oh this was post 500 oops LMAO

I would LOVE if my hands stopped feeling like they were being crushed because I experienced an emotion. I'd love that.