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[heavenlymemoir]

Delsin Memories

I remember going for the Hero route. Even though I still had some tendencies, I wanted to bring positive light to what being a conduit was, and how helpful it can be.

I still spray painted. I stopped vandalizing stuff after all of that calmed down and blew over though. I made some really amazing artwork and actually started selling them to raise some money to start housing and making a safe environment for other Conduits to stay in without worry.

Reggie and Betty helped raise awareness in the local area, and even made a little campaign to talk about the abilities of Conduits and why they shouldn’t be feared. It made me smile a lot; to think that I grew up so much on my journey. I went from being a cocky son of a bitch to being someone who just wanted to help others and make the world safer and better for people like me.

But sometimes it made me a little sad. After getting to know Fetch and Eugene, and especially how their own parents treated them, it made me sad and upset. Because I knew for a fact there were other kids, other teens and adults, out there who went through the same shit. Who are scared, alone, and barely fending for their life. I knew that it wasn’t just the Seattle area that got a booming influx of Conduits. So I started making a name for myself and went to different states looking for others to help.

Reggie never died. During the fight with Augustine, I got hit instead because I pushed him out of the way. Fetch and Eugene had come just in time to fend Augustine off while Reg helped me get loose.

The final fight with Augustine didn’t really happen the way the game portrayed it. It was directly after Augustine hit me.

I do remember that Augustine had said something like, “No! You shouldn’t have been the one that got hit! This isn’t right, what’s going on?!” And amidst her panic, that’s when Fetch and Eugene came in and saved the day. Fetch had dazed her with some kind of neon flash-bangs and Eugene had created some Angels that had tied her hands and feet, and she fell over and started flopping like a fish.

Along with Fetch and Eugene, I had met other conduits. I had met the girl who received the paper power, after Celia had given her powers up willingly after Augustine abused her.

I had met a woman who had the ability to control glass, a young girl who had cryokinesis, an older man who had mind control, and two teenage fraternal twins whom the girl had terrakinesis and the boy had the ability to use and manipulate air, aerokinesis I think?

I only had the powers from the game; smoke, neon, video, and concrete. I knew I was a Prime, and that I could copy the other’s if I wanted, but I never did. Although looking back on it, freezing shit and learning to actually fly would’ve been so cool.

I never ‘took’ anyone else’s power. I was extra careful with how I touched others just in case shit went wrong. I never quite understood what initiates the “sponging” as I’d like to call it. I always made sure to announce my ability to new Conduits I met, just to make them aware.

I don’t think I was interested in anyone, really. I knew Fetch liked me, and Eugene liked her. We were all just, like, really cool and best buddies. We spent a lot of time together and helped Eugene learn to get over his social anxiety and socialize more.

We all did platonically like. Cuddle and hold hands and things. I mean, we were best buds so what’s wrong with that?

I honestly think I might have been bisexual. I don’t quite remember a lot yet but I do remember having feelings for a dude when I attended high school.

After Augustine was detained and sent to prison for her crimes, I went back to Betty and the tribe. I explained everything. What happened when I touched Hank, why it happened, and why Augustine was after me.

I remember expressing such sorrow and guilt that Augustine had attacked them. That’s why I felt the need to go after her; to reverse what I inevitably caused. They all, thankfully, understood and didn’t hold any grudges. I vividly remember Betty hugging me, saying that I was Akomish, and Akomish always protect their own.

[heavenlymemoir]

Khajiit Memories

I was not Dragonborn. I was a regular Khajiit. I didn’t have a single patron I worshipped, since I was a traveller. I worshipped many patrons.

Since I worked for both DB and TG, and was the leader of both, I had combined them into one massive guild. We were well known across Skyrim, our names have been sung in songs.

Farkas and I were great friends, as I grew up in Whiterun. Farkas and Vilkas were saved from the necromancers by Jergen (as per the wiki).

We had grown up together and we had become inseparable. Farkas is caring and kind-hearted, and Vilkas being more rash and ready for battle. I often stuck up for Farkas when the others made fun of him.

My family no longer lives in Whiterun, and have instead returned back to Elsweyr. My family consists of my father, mother, and sister.

Farkas came to me one night and asked if he could talk. I agreed and we went up to the Skyforge. We sat on a bench and looked at the stars, and talked about general life things. He asked if I fancied anyone and I hesitated. Over the years, I grew close to him. We grew up together and we considered each other our literal life line at some points. I slowly answered yes, and Farkas showed me an Amulet of Mara. I looked up at him, knowing what this amulet meant.

I told him that I had been in love with him since we were young. But, I kept it hidden out of embarrassment. He told me that he’s felt the same since he first laid eyes on me. Something clicked in his heart and he knew from the start that I was the one for him. He kept it hidden as he knew I wasn’t interested in relationships or marriage while I was traveling.

He told me he was scared that I would reject his proposal. We ended the conversation with a deep kiss, and the next day we set off to Riften so we could marry.

We lived in Solitude in Proudspire Manor, with our child, Lucia. While it wasn’t a mansion or anything, we made due with what we had. Farkas opened a store to help bring some coin in, and Lucia helped me sell ingredients.

I was great at using the bow. I loved to hear the woosh of the arrows, and was a skilled marksman and hunter. I occasionally used a sword too. I switched between using bows and daggers/swords. I dabbled in magic, but more often than not, didn’t bother to use it. I was skilled in restoration, enchanting, and smithing.

I had studied for a short time at the Winterhold College, but due to the reputation and scornful looks I received, I dropped out.

In my spare time, I like to play the lute. I do not remember if I was very good at it though.

I loved to help foster and adopt children. I fostered many kids over my life and many still visited weekly.

I had klepto tendencies. Everywhere I went, I had to swipe at least one or two things. My favorite things to take were gems and jewelry, things that were easily concealed and wouldn’t be noticed.

I definitely was neurodivergent. I stimmed by holding and stroking my tail, playing with my ears, and I rocked back and forth when upset. Some people negatively commented on this behavior but I learned to ignore them.

I had a cursed weapon. It was a glass dagger that made whispering sounds every time I stealth killed someone.

I could never make out what the whispers were, but I talked to Farkas about it. He implied that it could’ve been something in my head, or maybe the dagger was actually cursed.

I got it from a dwarven ruin; why a glass dagger was there, I’m not sure. But, I snatched it up nonetheless. I took it to many adventurers, guilds, shops, and even the Greybeards. Nobody could tell me anything about the dagger.

I remember venturing back to the ruins of where I found the dagger, and I had managed to drag Farkas along with me. But, to my surprise, the ruins were gone. There was no evidence of the ruins ever existing; no rubble, no pillars, no entrances, nothing.

The pictures below are what I looked like during my canon.

[heavenlymemoir]

Jodie Memories

I remembered the coma. How Stan got a job to help himself and the group; mainly because of Tuesday and Zoey, he wanted to help them. He didn’t want Zoey growing up under the bridge.

He visited me frequently. Every day. Told me about life. How Jimmy came clean and how Walter got over his alcoholism and went back to being a highschool teacher. He told me about his late wife Nancy, and all the stories they had. He shared memories of her, good and bad.

He…he cried. Almost every time he came in. I don’t know if it was the survivor's guilt or because he missed me. But he cried and held my hands, pleading for me to come back. He even brought Tuesday and Zoey in; Tuesday couldn’t stand to see me like this. She told me how Zoey was. That she had just started crawling and even said her first word the other day. She said that her first word was “mama”.

I don’t think I dreamt often. Near the end, right before I woke up, I saw some memories. Of mom. When she gave birth to me and they took me. I saw…well, what I think was Aiden. He didn’t have a body but I knew it was him by the tether.

Was it him showing me these memories? There’s no way that I could’ve remembered mom. I was just born. If he was, why? Why was he showing me them? I don’t know.

When Phillip and Susan left me in the facility, I wanted to get Phillip back for that day in the snow. But, I knew it wouldn’t do any good. I still hated him, but I forgave him.

Hell, he was only scared. Scared of Aiden. And me. Scared people only do what their body tells them to do in order to survive. He was a religious dude, but I don’t think Susan was.

The reason why Aiden never harmed Susan is because she was nice to me. She never raised her voice or hurt me, she never laughed at me, and she helped me whenever I needed it.

Later in life, I reached out to them. She didn’t believe it was me at first but after some consoling, she started crying. Saying how scared she was for me and how she missed me so damn much. I was essentially her bio daughter, with the bond we made. I told her everything. Aiden. The CIA. The Infraworld. And she believed me. For once, someone didn’t doubt me and for once, someone genuinely was concerned about Aiden.

I dated both Jay and Cory.

When I blew up the Black Sun, I chose to stay on the ranch with Paul and his family.

While I was working outside one day, Cory asked if we could talk. Cory had always been friendly with me, and was very trusting and open. I agreed and told him we could talk while I tended the horses. He followed and basically admitted on the spot he liked me. I…I didn’t know how to speak. Didn’t know what to say. Apparently, Jay overheard that convo, and later that night, had a very heated discussion with Cory about ”oh you can’t like an outsider! what about our bloodline?! our ancestors would be pissed!”. I overheard that conversation. I mean, it was hard not to.

I sat them both down the next night (Paul had to go out of the ranch to go get some medicine for his back). I told them that I basically liked them both and didn’t want to hurt one by choosing the other, so why not date both of them? Cory was all for it but once again, Jay was a party-pooper. Man was so pressed about it, but calmed down after Cory glared at him.

It was hard to get used to Aiden not being with me often, but as the game went on to show, he still stuck around me without the tether. Jay and Cory were huge comforts during my time of not knowing where the hell Aiden was. And when he finally did the mirror shit, I broke down crying. Both of them rushed into my room and saw the mirror, and asked what was happening.

I explained everything to those two. Aiden. My twin. My parents both being gifted in paranormal areas. How the CIA recruited me to their special department. The shit I went through. Everything. And they didn’t call me crazy, they didn’t look at me weird, they understood. They fucking understood me. I was so glad they genuinely understood me and didn’t think I was crazy.

Cory was holding me while Jay was saying he was happy that Aiden is still here and I’ll be okay. Jay pieced it together that Aiden was the reason why that horse listened to me and joked around about me being the “animal whisperer” which made me start laughing.

Ryan got wind of where I was. He showed up to the ranch one day, and Paul answered the door. Ryan had asked, “Is a miss Jodie Holmes staying here perchance? I need to talk to her.” Paul called Jay over and they talked in Navajo for a few, then eventually Jay went to go get me and told me there’s a strange white man with brown hair looking for me.

I dropped my glass of water and luckily it didn’t break, and I quickly cleaned it up before I went to go see what the hell Ryan wanted. When I went out, Ryan’s face lit up. He exclaimed, “Jodie!! My god I thought you were dead. I couldn’t find anything on you; no records, no traces, nothing. I managed to find you because a damn trucker saw someone that matched your description riding a motorcycle, and I asked around the area more. I’m so glad you’re well.”

It took every damn ounce of my will and self-respect to not beat the shit out of the motherfucker. I looked at him and said, “what the fuck do you want. Make it quick, I have ranch animals I need to take care of.” He said that he wanted to apologize for what he did to me, and what the CIA put me through and that he’s no longer working with them. I scoffed, and went to go back to my room, ignoring his pleas.

I only stopped because he cried out my name. “Jodie please. Listen to me. May you move back with me? Stan and everyone is worried about you.” And that set me the fuck off. I yelled, “Don’t you fucking talk as if you know Stan and Tuesday like they’re your god damn fucking friends! Don’t you even fucking try to apologize to me, you worthless piece of good for nothing shitbag! Do you think that I’d just simply nod and let you apologize for walking on me and making me a god damn murder machine for this pathetic excuse of a government? And let’s not fucking forget the time that when we were in the plane, and I saw the news and you tried to blow me the fuck off. And also, what about the time we had a date at my apartment? Aiden did nothing to you and you still fucking acted like a god damn sleaze, only wanting me because I was a higher fucking rank than you! Get the fuck out. You’re not welcome here. Ever.”

I walked up to him, shoved him outside, and slammed the door in his face. Locked it. I sighed and leaned on the door while just trying to calm down; I couldn’t hear anything above the raging sound of my heartbeat in my ears. After a while, he left and I just slumped to the floor, purely exhausted. Jay and Paul helped me back to my room, and I talked with Jay for a bit. I calmed down and we went outside to tend to the ranch animals. Cory asked what the hell happened and I briefly explained while we were taking hay bales to each animal. I made sure to mention that Ryan is never welcome here again, and they all have permission to drive him off if he shows up again.

I was, I mean still am, agender and asexual. Due to what happens in the bar (Like Other Girls chapter; I won’t delve into what actually happens here), it made me nauseous to think of sex and me partaking in it. Jay and Cory understood and we did have occasional sex once in a while, but it wasn’t a “requirement” for the relationship to be healthy. They were both perfectly fine just having me there and helping around the ranch. They still used she/her with me and I never bothered to correct them because I was fine as long as it was them and them only using those pronouns with me.

[heavenlymemoir]

Sigma Memories

Virtue’s Last Reward spoilers ahead!

TW: Brief mentions of s//cide (due to an illness called RAD-6.)

We were not on Mars like the game suggests. I very vividly remember being on the moon and being fascinated with the fact that I was there. I remember looking out from my bunker window, and watching the faint twinkle of the stars and the comets/meteorites that flew by.

My memories are really similar to canon, but very different in some areas. Instead of RAD-9 wiping the whole population, it only got about 2-3 billion. I know it’s a lot still. What was remaining of humanity was put on other planets. We were religiously screened daily to make sure that we had no traces of having RAD-9, and when we were clear, they put us on shuttles that had a preset pathway to whatever habitable planet they could find. I was one of the few colonies sent to the Moon.

Ever since the beginning of the Nonary Game, something about K kept bugging me so badly. His name rung a bell, but I couldn’t remember much before I awoke in the elevator. Then it hit me later in game; K is my son. Even while playing VLR as myself (meaning me IRL); I knew. I knew what would happen, who K was, everything. And I didn’t piece it together until the ending of the game.

My field of work was in…genetic testing. I was in charge of the cloning department. I had cloned K. Who was his donor, I don’t know. But, K grew to resent me as he got older. I should’ve realized sooner. I was fascinated by my work and all the possibilities that I neglected him, and in turn, made him hate me. I remember he asked for a mom, and I had made an android to be the “mom role model”. He didn’t like it. He wanted an actual mom. And that’s where Akane stepped in. Why Akane was in the colony with us, when she’s supposed to be on Earth with Junpei is unknown to me. Akane was interested in my research and offered to help, and her condition was that I would have to spend time with her and K.

So I did. But…it all went wrong. Everything just went wrong. I don’t remember what happened but remember the stench of smoke. I remember screaming for Akane and K.

In the game, K goes on to state everything I just said. How he hated me, but loved Akane. Eventually, Akane stated she was willing to sacrifice her life for my research. Saying she had to. K didn’t like that and tried to argue with us. Neither of us budged, so he pleaded with her. Begged her not to.

In the events of the Nonary Game in VLR, K suffered from Generalized Amnesia. He didn’t remember me, nor anything. Barely even recalled his own past, and even then, he could only remember what I just said. I didn’t know it was my son at first, since we couldn’t see his face. He was…locked in that suit. The only way he could get out was if you had the key and unlocked the port on the back of the mask.

I was an esper. Like Clover. Snake. Akane. Junpei. Santa. I was one. That’s how I fucking knew K was Kyle; my son.

I had literally gone through the morphogenic field and saw every possible outcome. Doing so resulted in seeing every fucking ending. Clover’s; where RAD-9 took a hold of all of us. K-no, Kyle’s; where he killed Dio and I saved Phi with the Neostigmine, and I saw Kyle’s face. And then Dio’s; where me, him, and Phi escaped. Where we figured out who he was and what his mission was.

This is exactly how I fucking knew. How I knew the codes, the escape route, the neostigmine, why RAD-9 had gotten to Quark and Alice. Because they’re not Espers. RAD-9 causes your brain to absorb a shit ton of info, all at once. It impairs your brain‘s ability to think, and act.

Espers have an innate defense against the extreme suicide aspect, as our brains are conditioned to absorbing large doses of sudden info (the reason Radical 6 causes suicidal tendencies).

This would explain why I clearly fell under the effects of R6 in Luna's path, but never tried to kill myself or anyone else. Because I’m one.

I had cybernetic arms. Metal exoskeleton, with ABT. Artificial Biological Tissue. Fake nerves. I had fucking robotic arms, with fake nerves that went back to my actual skeletal system. I just knew. I…as in Stygian. Or Sigma. I don’t know. I just knew. I didn’t even fucking get that ending at the time I figured it out. I just knew and I don’t know how.

Luna was indeed a GAULEM.

The First Law of Robotics ; “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.”

The Second Law of Robotics ; “A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.”

The Third Law of Robotics ; “A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.”

The 0th Law of Robotics ; “A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.”

That’s why she always voted “ally”. And would never choose “betray”. Why RAD-6 didn’t seem to infect her. Why she’d get pissed if you chose to betray. Why she just “knew” certain medical things. Why she knew about RAD-6. This explains everything.

[heavenlymemoir]

The Outsider Memories

Although, I currently do not remember much. I remember some small details; like where I gave Corvo his powers, and then eventually Emily.

I was saddened to see that Corvo had nearly let Emily get kidnapped again, but she held her own. And instead, her beloved father was the one taken by Delilah. She willingly took my offer, and assured me the same way her father did 15 years ago.

I gave her a hint; Delilah has something else she wants. A greater prize. One that will change everything. I smiled, and let her go.

I loathed my time spent in the Void. I hated every second of it. I had grown tired of the vast and endless nothingness that I was forced to call home. I grew bored quite easily, despite being a “god” in this realm. So; I decided to put on a show. Show myself to various people who piqued my interest, and give them my Mark if they allowed. It was up to them on whether they ensued in chaos, or be civil. I did not matter to me what they chose, though I would frequently show displeasure in the sad attempts of those who chose to commit chaos.

I was fascinated with whales, the oceans, and stars. I would frequently just float, laying flat, while looking at the stars as flying leviathans would pass by. I could hear the whispers of the past through them; telling me history and knowledge. Lies and truths. Deeds done in secrecy and those that were done in light. Even the deepest, darkest secrets of a man could not be hidden from me.

[heavenlymemoir]

Rosa Memories

I dated both Vyn and Artem, at the same time. Yes, they knew and yes they were fine with it. I remember Vyn asking first and then Artem second, but Artem didn’t know about my relationship with Vyn. So I told him and explained everything.

I called Vyn too. I told him what Artem asked and asked for his opinion on the matter; he knew beforehand that I had liked Artem, but had seen Artem was too busy with cases for a devout relationship. Vyn listened intently, and said that as long as Mr. Wing knew of our already pre-existing relationship and consent was with both sides, things could work.

It was a bit hard at first; trying to find balance between Vyn’s and Artem’s schedule to spend time with them both. One had different needs than the other, and one had a different way of love language. I called them both and asked them to come over one night and just told them flat out that I am having issues balancing things between them.

Artem and Vyn both had a look on their face and I knew they thought I was breaking up with them, so I quickly clarified that no, I am not breaking up with either of them. I just wanted to call them over to see if they had any ideas on how to work this out, because I loved them equally and didn’t want to hurt one to please the other. And Artem spoke, and with his suggestion, it caught me and Vyn off-guard. Artem just implied that we do a poly-three way. I didn’t understand at first and he explained further. Say I’m point A. A goes to B and C, just as B goes to A and C, and C goes to A and B. A triangle!

I looked at Vyn and he asked Artem if he could step out so we could discuss matters privately, and he agreed. So Vyn turned to look at me better and asked what I thought. I said I was okay with it; I was just concerned because I don’t know either of their sexualities and didn’t want to make things uncomfortable for them. Vyn told me right then and there, that he had been questioning for a while; in fact, it was ever since he joined the NXX and seen Artem. He told me how Artem had awoken something within him that had scared him, so he hid it for years until he was okay enough to confront the issue again. He asked if I was okay with that, and if changed my views on him. I shook my head and said no, why would it? Even if he did tell me from the beginning or in fact, kept it hidden until we parted, I still would’ve loved him the same way. I cannot solely love someone or deny them that love based of something as trivial as sexuality, or lack thereof. Vyn seemed pleased with my answer, and he took of his glasses.

He was crying. He was crying?? I thought. I asked if I said anything wrong and he just shook his head no, wiped his glasses and cleared his throat. He said he had been so scared that it would change my view on him or our love, and that I would leave. I held him for a bit, and texted Artem he could come back in. He told Artem the same thing, and Artem was shocked at first. Now, as far as I know, Artem did not harbor any homophobia. I seen a look in his eyes that confirmed what I thought, and Artem came out right there too.

Artem had sighed as if a weight were taken from him. He said that although he himself were not questioning, he was indeed bisexual. That he had seen a show during his childhood that had awoken the same urge and feeling as Vyn described. That out of fear of repercussion from his family and parents, out of fear for being judged by the media and clients, out of fear for being blacklisted from jobs and such, he kept it hidden. And so, we three had an intense talk that night. It was not a bad talk, just talk filled with love and nothing less.

I remember how Vyn asked me to be his. The following is that memory;

“Time itself seems to stop, as if it too, were stunned by your words. I blink a few times, and look up at you. You stand before me with your hand extended, a patient smile on your face. Your soft eyes glimmer in the lights, the flickering candle on the table dances back, entranced by your beauty too. Your eyes encapsulate me, enveloping me in a world unknown to anyone else. My heart quickens again, as you ask me to dance with you.

My brain and body are no longer one; my brain wants me to refuse, to stay out and watch you go, and my heart wants to agree with you. And so I do. I dare not look away from your eyes, for I’m too afraid the spell you’ve cast will end and you’ll simply vanish from existence. As we slowly make our way to the dance floor, the occupants move, as if enthralled by you too. They whisper amongst themselves, but their quiet and ushered words fall upon deafened ears. The music starts, and you whisk me away.

The strings and the piano dictate our moves and I lose sense of direction and stumble. You catch me and hold me oh so close. You smell of roses, a warm fireplace, and of spice. It reminds me of a home I’ve never stepped foot in, yet I feel homesick. You gently lift my head, and move a strand of loose hair, tucking it behind my ear. It leaves a lingering warmth on my face. You hold my face as the music slows, and lean down to my ear.

3 words were whispered. Yet, those 3 words lit my heart and body aflame. Those 3 words sent warmth all over my body, and soon, my face matched the redness of my dress. Yet, you stayed and danced. We danced the entire night, and nobody dared to stop us. As the music began to fade, and the sun started to rise, I whispered 4 words back to you.

I love you too.

I always have, Vyn.”

What made the memory come back: Summer’s Romance and Pacifica by Caleb Bryant.

[heavenlymemoir]

Shade Memories

For reference, Shade was my ‘name’! This is a post about my Golden Sun Adept memories!

TW: during the 5th section of this post, I talk about someone being burnt alive and them dying from it. There will also be mentions of blood.

I was a rogue assassin that hailed from a far off land, and was exiled for not completing a bounty, and lying about said bounty.

But when all of us (Felix, Jenna, Sheba, Piers, Kraden, and I), landed in Lemuria, it was a beautiful sight. Piers had to talk to the other Lemurians to allow us in, and Kraden couldn’t contain his excitement to finally be in Lemuria! I’ve never seen the old man beam with light more than he does over research. Back in my hometown, I always heard rumors about Lemuria. How it was shrouded in fog that would never dissipate, how the whirlpools there could swallow a whole kraken and a half, and how a fearsome monster guarded the way into Lemuria; and to think that Felix and his friends were strong enough to defeat it is an understatement.

Lemuria was. Absolutely divine! The technology there was really advanced, compared to the rest of Weyard. Time there seemed like nothing; mere minutes would pass in Lemuria, and outside days or even weeks had passed. We hadn’t explored much before Kraden needed to sit down for a while, bless him. He got so excited and his body nearly gave.

Kraden non-stop talked about Babi and his tales about Lemuria. Watching the happiness slow come back to him was really heartwarming. We stayed at the inn for the night, well, they did. I camped outside and stood watch.

So as I said, I was a rogue assassin, hailing from a kingdom. But, that’s not where I was born. I was technically from a small unknown village, way way way way on the east side of the Weyard map, one that barely anyone knew. It was a village called Dalelry; and it was a strange village at that.

They had a town elder, and they had very strict ‘laws’. If found parentless, you were outcasted. Now, they did make exceptions. Like if the father perished while hunting or out at sea, the children and belongings would go to the mother. If the mother died, vice versa. Now, if both parents died, the children and belonging would be split among the grandparents who whomever would volunteer to take them in.

Another law was; nobody could sneak out. And another was nobody could talk to, acknowledge, or even feed those that had been outcast.

The reason why I bring those laws up is because they affected me. I was found parentless on the edge of the village border, by a berry gatherer who’d heard the cries. She brought me back and they seen it wasn’t fair to throw a baby back into the woods, so they allowed me to stay until I was around 8 or so years old. But, nobody was allowed to talk to me still. By that time, I was deemed old enough and responsible enough, so they essentially yeeted me into the woods again

After that, it seemed like I was a bad luck charm to them. Natural disasters struck, droughts, famine. They all spread rumors that I was to blame, that their god basically birthed me from the middle of the land itself and that I was sent as punishment.

Fast forward to when I was around 12-13, and this is when my adept powers came into play. I was hunting some food late at night, because my camp had been pillaged by some wandering brutes, and left me nothing. I heard a blood curdling scream and went to check it out.

I was sitting in the shadows, and watched the whole thing go down. There was a boy my age who was on the ground, and just looked sad. I recognized him; he was the boy who would sneak out at night and bring me leftovers from his family, because he didn’t think it was right for me to get outcasted. A couple of the village kids found out and snitched, resulting in him getting punished. The scream I heard was his mothers, whom was crying and pleading with the elder. I understood what they were saying, but some things I couldn’t hear.

Basically, the elder had told the mother what my friend had done and explained the severity of the situation. That since he had snuck out so many times, brought me food, and was treating me as one of their own, he couldn’t be permitted to live anymore. They held a trial and all who were present had to vote; a vote to determine if he would be allowed to live and be exiled, or if he would die. All of them, but his mother, voted against him.

So they bound and gagged him, bound and gagged his mother to prevent her from screaming or trying to save him, and took her away. He could sense I was there, so he gave me a quick glance. I made a movement to go after him, but he quickly shook his head at me, so I had to stay hidden. They tied him to a stake and set some dead grass around, and lit it on fire.

I will never forget the scene. The way the fire quickly rose to him. The silence of the village. The crackling of the fire, the sound of his skin burning, the ungodly fucking smell of it all. All of my sense went numb. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. It felt like days went by. He didn’t even scream, cry for help, nor make a single sound.

I don’t remember much of what happened next. I do remember that an overwhelming feeling of hatred, rage, and anger bubbled inside me. When I came to, the whole village lay at my feet, and I had seen a trail of shadow dissipate from my hands. What lay before me were the bodies of the people. I looked at my hands one last time and seen the blood on me. On my hands. Feet. Body. Face. Everywhere. I had collapsed by the pile of ashes and burnt grass, and crawled closer to it. I felt… so tired. So mind-numbingly exhausted.

I lost my only friend. The only person who saw me as human and didn’t hate me, who instead treated me with kindness that nobody dared to show. I laid next to the pile of ashes all night, screaming and crying until my voice gave and I couldn’t cry anymore. That night, I shut off every single emotion. I would no longer allow myself to feel anything; because if I hadn’t allowed him to show me kindness or even started to fall in love with him, he wouldn’t have gotten caught. He wouldn’t have died.

I had gathered some ashes, forged a small necklace, and left that damn village behind. I travelled the lands, always wearing the necklace. My friend would always speak to me in common, and told me how he wanted to explore the world and be an adventurer when he grew older. How he would find so many treasures, and how he would always come back home to save me. He would tell stories of him pretending to be an adventurer, finding a cave full of dangerous monsters and a huge pile of gold at the end. His eyes always glimmered with life when he was telling these stories.

I explored the lands for him, always retelling my journeys to the necklace. I wanted to fulfill his dreams, his aspirations. I vowed to never let the necklace go, nor let anyone get close to me again. I vowed to travel every inch of every island, continent, cave, and every space imaginable.

I came across a kingdom one night, by accident. I was supposed to visit Vale, as that’s where the Sol Sanctum is located. The kingdom was called Sidon, and was ruled by the High Empress Eleanior. I stayed in the shadows for a few nights, just to get a feel for how the kingdom worked. I was at the local tavern when I seen a flyer that stated the Royal Guards needed a new cook and maid. I paid for my drink and left, and went to the castle. I asked around, and was brought to the Head Guard, whom looked at me, and basically told me to start working. And so I did. For months.

One night while I was gathering the laundry and dishes, the Head Solider asked if I wanted to come watch them train. I agreed, finished my chores, and went. Heard Guard was there and snickered at me, since I was still in my maid uniform. He jokingly asked if I wanted to shoot one of the bows and I agreed, much to his surprise. So I notched and shot the arrow, straight into the dummy. The shock and silence of the men, who just seen a scrawny ass woman in a maid outfit shoot a bow almost dead center of the dummy, was amusing.

So I was told to leave my post as a maid and come join the men. I agreed because I would have gotten better housing and somewhat better food anyway. A couple more months go by, and I go from scrawny and barely any muscle mass, to being built. I barely would sleep because I just kept seeing that night replay in my mind, so I’d often go a couple days without proper amounts of sleep.

Head Solider corners me one day, asking why my performance isn’t as good as the other days. My groggy self lets loose that it’s because I have issues sleeping near people and I prefer the shadows, because it’s where my powers make me feel comfortable.

He gives me a look and demanded to know what I mean by powers, and I instantly shut up. He drug me out to the field in the pouring rain, and started yelling at me. I could tell he was just trying to get me angry so I could show him what I meant, but I refused to get angry. Until he went to go grab the necklace, that is. I instantly shot my hand out at a dummy and obliterated it into a pile of foggy, well, nothingness.

That got Eleanior’s attention, so I worked my way up from rookie, to trainee, to trainer, guard, royal guard, royal solider, to being the Empress’ right hand woman.

My job was to be a bounty hunter, in a sense. Lady Eleanior would give me targets, mainly of criminals or rivaling politicians and whatnot, and she would pay me per bounty I completed and turned in. At this point, I had completed a lot of bounties, earning me titles among the men of the castle. “The Undying Shadow”. “The Shade of Silence”. “Silence of the Damned”. I was feared, respectfully. Nobody would look me in the eyes, and would always properly address me, despite the fact they all once belittled me.

My last ever bounty was the Head Guard’s son, Jon. He had apparently been listening in on Lady Eleanior’s conversations and was going to the neighboring kingdom to rat, in hopes the King there would free his lover. I had infiltrated the prison hold and found Jon and his lover. He was holding her hands through the bars, promising her that she’d be free soon, and that at any moment, he’d give her the life she always wanted.

She then told him she was with child, and I felt my whole body stiffen. For if I did carry out my bounty, it wouldn’t just be Jon. It would be her and the child. So I stepped out, and announced myself. He drew his sword, and I put my dagger down on the ground and told him what was up. I told him I’d let them go only if he’d change his identity and never step foot back in Sidon. He agreed, I left, they were freed. He changed his name, and they had the happy ending. I, on the other hand, would not.

Lady Eleanior had sent one of her henchmen to follow me. The asshole knew how I travelled, and how I would carefully listen and watch to see if anyone was following me. Eleanior specifically chose him because of this. Well, he saw everything. Me sneaking into the prison hold, listening to Jon’s conversation, and letting him go. He would end up reporting back before I could.

I go back to Sidon, and tell Lady Eleanior my job was done. She sneered at me and told me that she knows I didn’t complete it. She wanted me to get angry and do something, so she could sick her henchmen on me, but once again, I couldn’t feel anything. So I just took off all the royal armor, my cloak, and dagger, and threw them at her feet. I looked up at her, and spat at her. I left, and was perused by her men.

And ever since, I became a nobody. I was just a wanderer, who lost someone so important, she couldn’t feel. I had stayed in some towns and would work for some coin, but I could never stay in one area for too long. I hated being alone. There were too many nights where I swear I could hear the whispers of the village folk, damming and cursing me. I often hallucinated too; seeing the townsfolk follow me with pitchforks and torches, and I would often see that one night.

I stumbled upon Felix and his friends in Champa. I was chasing after Briggs’ gang because they stole a gem from me, but I gave up after learning the state of Champa. As I was gathering my stuff from the Inn, I witness Alex and his gang corner Felix and them.

Alex, Karst, and Agatio, had Felix and his friends cornered. They were essentially bullying Felix, and I had to step in. Karst did not like that, and got in my face. I warned her she had 5 seconds to get out of my face or else, and Alex finally caved and made her step down.

Alex asked who I was, and why I was interfering with his plans. I told him that my name isn’t important, and basically told him that I knew everything about him and his two dimwit minions. He gave me a look, looked at Felix, and asked if I was with his group. He said no, that he didn’t know me.

Karst, being the foolhardy asshole she is, tried to stab me in the back but I dodged, and got behind her instead and put a dagger to her. I ended up branding Alex and his two minions with a seal that would seal away their Psyenergy if any of them would go against my conditions.

I gave them 3 conditions, and I had them vow to hold up to them and I would let them go.

Don’t harass me or them, put Karst and Agatio on a leash, and teach Karst some manners. Because some time, sooner or later, she would come to regret being all bark and no bite. Alex agreed and I let them go.

Felix allowed me to trail behind and stay with his group. I overheard Jenna and Sheba whispering in fear and sneaking glances behind the group. I didn’t mean to frighten them, honestly. I just.. Karst reminded me of the village and I guess instincts took in.

We had stopped at a small beach, so they could rest and sleep. They had set up their tents and had set up a small fire pit to warm some food. I sat on one of the logs, while Felix sat on the other end. Sheba, Jenna, and Piers all sat on another, and Kraden was sitting on the dirt. I asked if he would like my spot, and he declined and said that the fact he would have to sit so upright wouldn’t do his back good.

I seen they kept giving me scared looks so I offered to tell them about my past if it would ease their concerns. Piers, being the group’s mediator, said that I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to. I shook my head and sat my food on my lap, and went to explain everything. I would not look at their faces, but instead I kept my eyes on the fire.

When I got done explaining, there was nothing but silence. Felix had scooted closer to me during the time that passed while Sheba and Jenna had started to lean closer. They both looked down, and exclaimed they were sorry for being afraid. I tried to softly smile but realized I might’ve looked fearsome, so I stopped. I just softly nodded and exclaimed they had no reason to be sorry, for it’s my fault for not properly introducing myself to the group beforehand. Piers, well, he just had an extremely sad look on his face. I’m saying sad, because I’m unsure of what he was feeling. He voiced his sorrow by saying, although he cannot understand what all I’ve been through, he can understand the pain of losing someone close to you.

After some time, all of them had exclaimed they were starting to get tired. Jenna and Sheba went into one tent, while Kraden and Piers went into another. I noticed Felix had stayed behind, though. He was deep in thought, with his brow furrowed. Some time had passed and the fire was starting to dim out when he asked if I was going to sleep, and I said no. He heard my stomach and sat down, asking if I would like his sandwich that a woman in Champa made for him. I said no, that I’m not hungry, and my stomach growled again. He would go on to offer me half, and I cut it in half and stored it for later. We sat in silence for a bit, he stood up, and asked me to walk down to the beach with him.

We went and sat down, and we just enjoyed the silence. He had started to talk a bit, about how he’s sorry that I’ve had to go through all of what I did. I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ocean. He was silent for a bit longer, and asked what my name was. I had started to open my mouth, but then realized. I never really was given a name. I told him so, and said to just call me Shade. He nodded, and we enjoyed the silence once again.

I guess I fell asleep sitting straight up, because when I woke up, I was still in the same position, and Felix lay beside me. He had gotten his cover and folded it to be a pillow, and laid near me so I wouldn’t be alone. I looked down at his and studied his face for a bit. His long, brown hair had gotten tangled and was messy with the sand. His face had some soft lines, where he would constantly knit his brows together or grimace. He also had a slight scar on his right cheek, going down from his cheekbone to the corner of his lip.

And for the first time in forever, my mind was calm. I didn’t hear the voices, screaming, nothing. I didn’t see any hallucinations. My mind was at ease. I had sighed deeply and it felt like a weight was taken away from me. I held the necklace, and looked up just to see the sun start to rise. I guess Felix had awoken and had sat up, as he put his arm around me. I guess I stiffened quite a bit, because he started to move it back, but moved his arm back to me.

The sunrise was beautiful. The way the sun gently cast its colors upon the waves, the way the waves were so gentle in the morning, and the way Felix’s hand felt warm around my arm. I closed my eyes for a bit, just to relish the moment. I hadn’t been so relaxed in such a long time, that my body just didn’t know what to do. I felt panicked, yet I would be reassured by Felix when he felt me stiffen.

He asked me how I felt, and I told him cold, yet strangely a little warm, that the warm spot was right over my heart. I didn’t know what it was since it had been so long since I felt anything. I explained that it was like lighting a match amidst a blizzard storm. Despite the matches size, it offered some warmth.

He said it was hope. Hope? I clarified. He nodded, and patted my head. Jenna and Sheba ran down and asked what was going on, and Felix just shook his head and went to go pack everything up. I stood up, and took one last glance at the ocean, making sure to remember every small detail I possibly could.

More pending as I get more memories.

[heavenlymemoir]

Dina Memories

TW: contains talk of abusive behaviors, PTSD episodes, s//cide and s//f h/rm mentions!

Ellie was mean. She was very…abusive with me and JJ. I don’t know what changed her.

We would often get into verbal fights over her obsession with “revenge” for Joel. I would beg and plead for her to not leave. She would insist that I was being a “dramatic bitch” and that I had to be working in secret with Abby. She would…hit me. A lot.

I didn’t know what to do. I had nobody to turn to, nowhere to go. So I let her do what she wanted. Unless she wanted to go for JJ. I remember her stomping off to his little room, and I remember getting out of my seat so fast and yanking her hair to stop her. She started crying and called me abusive. That was the first and only time I laid my hands on her.

She would often belittle me for not allowing her to hurt JJ. She exclaimed how she could never fathom herself being in love with a pathetic man like Jesse and how I’m rotten for letting him die. How JJ’s a bastard kid; that he deserves to have the same death as his pathetic dad. It hurt. Everything she said hurt me. So much.

Every time we got into an argument and she realized I wasn’t “mentally here”, she would threaten to hurt JJ. I won’t go into details about the specifics, but she was detailed enough to make me mentally check back in. She did this so I could be “in the moment”, so she could watch my pained expressions or hear my cries.

Whenever I would call her out on this shit, she would claim and I quote, “I have no memory of that. You either are fucking lying to me or you hit me so badly that I can’t recall anything.” She would break down about how her PTSD affected her and our relationship. I…I genuinely felt bad. I felt so fucking bad for her. She had it rough. But…it never excused what she did to me.

She would have multiple PTSD episodes like the game portrays. I had to stop her from multiple suicide attempts, multiple self harm attempts, and multiple attempts to either harm/kill me or JJ.

Just like in-game; she left to go find Abby and kill her. And as such, I packed my shit along with JJ’s, and we left. We left it all to go back to the camp in Jackson. Everyone was confused as to why I came back and who’s kid I had. I explained everything.

Maria asked what the marks were. I broke down. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t speak. They let me calm down and I told them. Everything. About me being pregnant with Jesse’s kid, about Ellie and Abby, about it all. I told everyone about Ellie’s abusive tendencies. I asked that if she ever stopped by the camp, I wanted them all to never allow her inside or around me or even mention I was here. They were to act as if I never came back and presumed I was still with her.

Everyone was shocked to hear how she changed.

I just wanted the old Ellie back. The one who revered Joel. The one who told me the little bits of Joel’s secrets and past times. What he loved to do with her to pass the time. The cheesy and corny movies they liked. Her dreams and aspirations. I wanted nothing more than that Ellie to come back. But I would never get that. She was gone. Too far gone to be saved.

[heavenlymemoir]

Barbara Pegg Memories

Jean and I were really close. I had always looked up to her as a great leader, and a good example of what I should base my own pedestal around. Things between us got rocky sometimes, since we were raised by our respective parent. I was raised by dad, and she was with mom. Sometimes, we didn’t see eye-to-eye on some things, and that lead to small arguments. After each argument, she would always hold herself accountable for them and apologize, even if I started it in the first place. She would bring a small plate of berries and mint for us to snack while we would talk about things.

I never blamed her. Even if she did say something that hurt or if she started an argument, or was in a bad mood that day, I never once blamed her. Being the Acting Grand Master is difficult and it’s a very stressful job with a stressful environment.

I remember taking care of a cat. He was a gray, short-haired kitty, who had extra toes! I named him Beany, since he had extra beans! He was a stray and I asked around Mondstadt to see if he had an owner, and nobody would take him in. Wherever I would go, he’d be at my feet purring a mile a minute. He’d follow me house to house, and even followed me back to the Church.

I asked Sister Victoria about him and told her how nobody wanted him and wouldn’t take him. I didn’t want him to be outside without a home nor a proper way to get food, and pleaded with her to keep him. She agreed, and helped me get the funds to commission a cat house for him! We had to keep it behind the Church so he wouldn’t disrupt church hours, but despite that, he would always find a way to me and my lap whenever prayers started.

He didn’t really like anyone else besides me and Sister Victoria. And even then, he only tolerated her. A few pets here and there and that was all he wanted from her. But with me? He let me pick him up, hold him, snuggle him, rub his belly. He was very cuddly and lovable towards me. He hated Sister Rosaria; he’d constantly hiss and spit whenever she would come near. Maybe he just didn’t like her clothes?

He seemed to like Jean a lot! I guess it’s because we’re siblings? She didn’t really like cats much because of an accident she had while she was younger, but she was willing to tolerate Beany being around her. She bought him a little cat toy one day, and he really loved it!

Jean would occasionally play piano, very late at night when barely anyone was in the headquarters. I remember coming back from the Church late one night, and going to the headquarters to ask Jean about a little boy who had fallen ill. I heard the grand piano and stopped, wondering who it was. The song was the beginning of ‘Hence, Begins the Journey’. Mom taught her how to play, but she refrained from playing whenever she was stressed, busy, or there were people around.

I went up to the room and looked in and saw her. She kept muttering to herself and was getting upset she was messing up. I stood there for a few more minutes until Beany darted in and jumped on her lap, startling her. Jean never really liked cats, and knew about Beany but told me to try and keep him around the Church area so I wouldn’t get in trouble.

I scrambled to get him and she looked at me with wide eyes and asked how long I had been there. I told her, and she sighed. I could tell she was a bit embarrassed to be caught like that. She told me about how mom taught her how to play but how she had to stop as she got older, because mom was teaching her more dutiful responsibilities. She also said she missed playing; that playing it gave her a sense of belonging and comfort, but she couldn’t play much because of being busy. I had an idea, and told her that I could take the day of from my Church duties and help around the headquarters, so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with work! She chuckled and shook her head, saying I didn’t have to since she knows the Church means a lot to me. But, I wouldn’t take no for an answer, and she knew that.

So I helped the Knights the next day, and everyone was whispering about hearing the piano being played. I went about my day with a small smile, never saying a word to anyone who asked about who was playing.

Sometimes I went with Lumine to travel. I very vividly remember going to Liyue and meeting Xinyan, Beidou, and Ningguang. Xinyan, Beidou, and I all had dinner one night while Lumine was with Ningguang discussing her travels. Xinyan saw I ordered an extremely spicy dish and was worried, she exclaimed that it was a very spicy dish and not many people in Liyue can handle it. I laughed and told her it was fine, in fact, I secretly love extremely spicy foods! The shock on her face when I started eating it and wasn’t bothered by the spice is something I’ll never forget.

Beidou laughed as she drunk, told me stories of her time as captain on The Crux. I offered both of them some of my spicy energy drink since it was late, and we needed to stay up to wait for Lumi to come back. Xinyan tried it first and her face went as red as a fire flower! Beidou tried next and her face went red too, although not as bad as Xinyan’s. They asked where I got it from, and I told them I make it at home for when I need a pick-me-up when I’m tired during Church hours.

After Lumi came back, Beidou went back to The Crux to sleep. Me and Xinyan stayed up for a while more and talked. She talked about rock ‘n roll and her love for music, how she wanted to travel Teyvat on tours and share her passion for music. Things took a solemn turn when she started talking about how people of Liyue treated her. How they stare at her and whisper about her, how some kids are afraid of her because of her “outlandish” hair style and clothes. I sat and listened, occasionally responding to her questions.

She asked me about Mondstadt and asked how people were there. I told her that although rock ‘n roll hasn’t made its way over there yet, Mondstadt is the land of Freedom, and there’s no room to judge other people based on what they look like or what hobbies they indulge in. I told her about the Knights of Favonious, the Church, Jean, and even Beany. She liked when I talked about Beany and spicy foods, because she said I smile more and I get more animated and lively.

Me and Xinyan dated! It was shortly before me and Lumi were going to leave Liyue that she asked. I was getting my things together, making sure I had everything and wouldn’t leave something behind. Xinyan knocked on the door and she came in, sat on the bed, and was looking really down and sad. I sat next to her and asked what was wrong.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I’ll never forget the sadness that was in her beautiful, brown eyes. She just looked back down, took one of her bangles off her wrist, and put it on my left wrist. I gave her a confused look, and she said it was so I’d never forget her and I’d always have something to remember her by when I’m in Mondstadt.

She started crying, and I mean bawling her eyes out… Barbatos knows I felt so bad. I comforted her and asked her why she was so sad. She whispered that she liked me and didn’t want me to go, because I was the first person in a while to truly understand her and be friends with her. That she felt that spark with me; the spark that she felt when she played rock ‘n roll, the same spark she had when she was on stage, the very same one that she felt when she got her Vision. I gently picked her face up, wiped her tears with my sleeve and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Her face got really red again, of course.

And so, that was the moment we started dating. I didn’t bother to hide it from anyone, as I didn’t care if they judged me. Barbatos knows that I stay true to what I love, that being the Church, the Knights, family, and Xinyan. I always wore her bangle wherever I went, even when I was working in the Church. Lumi would occasionally take Xinyan back to Mondstadt so she could see me more often, and she stayed with me for a few months sometimes!

[heavenlymemoir]

Aloy Memories

I was aromantic and asexual. I didn’t experience romantic or sexual attraction to anyone; although many people have confessed their feelings to me. Relationships confused me.

I didn’t want to be tied to a relationship while I was traveling. It made me extremely anxious and queasy. I would politely tell people this, and although some were a little upset, most understood and told me to not let their feelings get in the way of my journey.

I knew Avad had feelings for me. When he proclaimed his love for me, I called him out on his bullshit. He was grieving for Ersa, Olin’s sister. It made me extremely angry at the fact that he loved me while grieving his lover. But…I don’t know. I felt conflicted.

I was autistic. I don’t know if it stems from the fact I’m a clone of Elisabet, or what, but I definitely was autistic. My mind was most likely the sort that has no time for artifice or interest in smalltalk. I’d like to say my manner of speech was actually very deliberate and very appropriate.

I loved to use my Focus to look at older archival records of the world before the Faro Plague. How things functioned, what machinery they had, how society was, and music. Music was one of my special interests.

Music back then (meaning our current time, as in 2022) was…interesting, to say the least. It’s different from my era of music when I was born, and I fell in love with classical / instrumental music. Pianos, violins, and everything else you could think of. I craved the emotional aspects of the music world; the way that songs would speed up when a very tense moment happened, the way they slowed nearly to a halt when something sad or troubling happened, the way the musicians seemed to effortlessly weave stories in and out of these simple songs. The stories were left to be told to those that listened and were expected to be passed on to those that wanted to listen. Stories that would ache, inspire, reach out, and hold someone. Stories that could shape and change people, hell, maybe even the world.

Machinery was also another special interest. How did they have these things called “cars”, “phones”, and “games”? Before the Faro Plague, the world was vastly technological. Now, it’s primitive. We all hunt for ourselves and our tribe and have essentially reverted to a primitive state. But that was expected after humanity was essentially wiped.

I had transferred GAIA to my focus, so she would often speak to me during my troubles. I had fought depression for some time after Rost’s death, and GAIA helped me. She would be quick to notice when I’d go quiet or start to dissociate, and would bring me back to reality by talking to me about simple things. About the machine I was hunting, specific parts and their uses, their dietary needs, anything to help me feel okay. I really was close to her and saw her as a parental-figure, although not on the same level as I saw Rost.

I loved to sleep outside in nature. Whenever I’d stay in a village or tribal area, people would offer their rooms or beds. I kindly refused and insisted that I sleep outside, for it’s more comforting and natural for me. I loved to stare at the stars and listen to the animals during the night. GAIA would often show me constellations or star clusters and give me info based on the old archival records that we had. My favorite constellations were Canes Venatici, Circinus, Columba, Corvus, Horologium, Lupus, Lynx, Orion, Ursa Major / Minor, and Vulpecula. Orion was by far my most favorite though.

I was fine being motherless. I came to terms with being an artificial human, one made by machine. It made me question myself and my existence, and identity, as a whole. I knew why I was “born”. I knew what Elisabet and GAIA were doing. I knew that I was “destined” to save the world. But, it still…hurt. It hurt in the sense that I was “artificial”. That I could classify as being machine-made. That I wasn’t entirely human. But, through time and a lot of thinking, I came to terms with it.

I knew this world was going to die, just as it did before. I had to be the one to save it. There was no other way.

While traveling through the west, and while I was in Utaru territory, the land-gods were a common sight. After Zo and I rebooted them, they sang. Nobody could tell what the singing meant, but it was a new beginning. It was beautiful, to say the least. With the Chorus singing along with the land-gods, you could hear it from a mile away. I stayed for a while and listened.

When the Far Zeniths were defeated, we all headed back to base. As the game portrayed, Zo went back to gather the Utaru and tell them of NEMESIS, Kotallo went back to his home to do the same, and so did Alva and Erend. Beta and I stayed with Gaia at the base.

I had asked her to come to my room privately, and asked Gaia if she could not listen in on our conversation. Beta and I talked about a lot. Rost. Tilda. Our differences. A lot of tears were shed and a lot of hugs were given.

Beta ended up being so damn tired after that, that she just fell asleep in my room. I went to go sleep in one of the spare rooms when he sleepily grabbed my hands and muttered if I could stay. I smiled and just laid back down in bed.

Beta, of course, is a very anxious and nervous person. Constantly overthinking, on the verge of panic, etc. So when I got in bed, she just snuggled right up to me. I was laying on my side facing her and she was buried in my chest, happily peaceful and sleeping. We fell asleep that way until we woke up.

[heavenlymemoir]

Welcome. This is a blog dedicated to memories, whether fictive or kin. You can call me Stygian. My pronouns shouldn’t matter here, but just in case someone wonders, they are they/them.

I will have CWs and TWs listed above the read more section; like I do for Dina’s and Shade’s sections. I make sure they are bolded and above the read more section, so that you have a fair warning before you continue to read on. I also use the small text feature, and some of my posts do get quite long, so they may be eyestrain inducing. Please proceed with caution.

Please do not interact with my blog if you fit the basic dni criteria, if you are pro-endogenic (including but not limited to: endogenic, tulpamancies, willow systems, parogenic, or mixed origins); pro-multispectrum lesbian/gays; radical inclusionist; terf/truscum; pro-ship/anti-anti; post gore or nsfw and actively don’t tag it as such. More will be added as needed.

I will tag my fictive memory posts as [insert name] ; fictive memory. Kin memory tags will be [insert name] ; kin memory. There will be a singular post for each fictive and kin, to save time on account of scrolling.