heavenwritess

[heavenwritess]

Insecurities.

A story of how small comments can lead to something irreversible.

Why am I always judged? I try my best to change and live up to people’s standards, but it’s never enough. When will it be enough? I don’t like your clothes. I asked my mom to take me shopping that night. What’s wrong with the clothes I made you? I can’t give you the correct answer, and I don’t want you to cause a scene at school. I wore those new clothes the next day. No one noticed. I don’t like your shoes. I begged my mom for new ones. What’s wrong with those? I just bought them last month. Again, I can’t tell you. I got new shoes and wore them the next day. No one noticed. Why is your nose so big? I took my mother’s makeup and contoured my nose to make it appear smaller. I wore it to school. No one noticed. You’re so fat! I started skipping meals and layered my clothes. Sweetie, you need to eat. I'm not hungry, Mom. I haven't eaten in a week. If I can do one more in a week, I can do one more. One more week turns into one more month. Am I thin enough yet? No one likes you! I made cookies for the class; everyone enjoyed them and thanked me. They acknowledged me for five minutes. I’m still a ghost. You're so ugly! I woke up earlier the next day and did my makeup. I try my best to smile in the mirror, but I'm still ugly. Why was I cursed this way? You’re trying too much, and it's pointless. Just kill yourself already! I took my mother’s money and bought drugs. I used them that very night, and it felt good. Why is my mouth numb? My teeth hurt so bad it feels like they’re taking them out without medication. Something is crawling on my skin. My mind is hazy, and everything is so blurry. I go to the bathroom and splash water on my face. My nose starts bleeding, as well as my mouth. Make it stop! I run towards my bedroom door, but everything is spinning, and my legs give out. My whole body is numb; I can’t move. I feel my energy leaving my body. This can't be it, right? If I die, will I die pretty? I want to rest my eyes. I can hear my mother’s screams. She's holding my dead body in her arms. No one noticed my absence at school.