helloolizz

[helloolizz]

See you later, Lizzo

New Year's is supposed to be about fresh starts, new beginnings—but how do we really feel about stepping into 2025?

The biggest lesson I’ve been learning last year is the art of letting go. It’s been a tough journey, and I’m still figuring it out. Just when you think you have a handle on things, life throws something unexpected your way, pulls the rug from under you. But I guess that’s the point, isn’t it? Life isn’t meant to be a straight line; it’s the messy, unpredictable moments that really shape us. The true challenge is picking yourself up, again and again, when you fall or stumbled.

This year has forced me to face parts of myself I’ve been running from, or even outgrown. Fate feels more real to me now than ever—whether it’s through friendships, soulmates, lovers, or just with myself. I’m slowly learning to accept that whatever is meant for me will come, and what I let go of will make room for something better.

I’m the kind of person who, when I want something, I give everything I have to make it happen. So, surrendering control and trusting fate? That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But you know what? It’s freeing. I’ve realized I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself, trying to force everything into place, thinking it was the only way. And in the process, I’ve forgotten how to take breaks. I’ve forgotten that it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to not have everything figured out all at once.

There are days when I can’t even see how far I’ve come, when my own accomplishments feel invisible. Why do I make it so hard to acknowledge my own progress? I’m still working on being kinder to myself—this has been my struggle for as long as I can remember. I tend to compare myself to who I used to be, holding onto past dreams and versions of myself that no longer fit. It’s like trying to force pieces of a puzzle that no longer align. And, honestly? It’s exhausting. I’ve been so focused on who I was or who I want to be that I’ve forgotten to show up for who I am right now.

I romanticize the past, I dream about the future—but I forget that the “me now” is worthy of love and care, too. I’ve realized I need to stop waiting for some perfect version of myself to emerge. To have the future I want, I need to nurture the person I am in this moment. I’ve spent too much time escaping my current reality, lost in thoughts of what’s to come or what was, instead of being present with who I am right now.

It’s funny how 2024 has forced us all to confront the things we’ve avoided for so long—whether it’s global struggles or our own internal battles. If I look back ten years, the person I was feels so distant, almost like someone I shared memories with, but not quite the same. It’s surreal to think about how much we change.

But, for the first time in a long while, I feel hopeful. There’s a quiet knowing deep inside me that things will be okay soon. And that’s enough for now. ♡

*Cues "I'll Be Alright" - Chris Holsen

[helloolizz]

I didn’t cry when it happened. I mean, I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. There wasn’t time to fall apart. I had to be at work early the next morning, plastering on a smile like armor, and then I had to rush back home, slipping into every role I was expected to fill. Daughter. Friend. Coworker. Problem-solver. Everything to everyone. Everyone but myself.

There weren’t enough hours in the day to break. So, I didn’t. I swallowed it down, told myself I’d deal with it later—whenever later came. If it came at all. Days blurred into weeks, and time became this strange, hollow thing, stretching out and collapsing all at once. When you’re just trying to survive, it’s easy to lose track of the calendar.

And then, one morning, it happened. Not during some dramatic, pivotal moment. No grand unraveling. Just me in my kitchen, bleary-eyed and half-awake, spilling my hot chocolate.. And suddenly, out of nowhere, the tears came. Quiet at first, then wracking sobs that left me gasping for air.

I stood there, gripping the counter, choking on a pain too vast for my body to contain. It wasn’t about the drink. I knew that much. It was about the weight I’d been carrying—so quietly, so invisibly—that I almost forgot it was there. The weight that had been sitting in my chest like a stone, convincing me it was something I could live with. Something I should live with.

I’d really believed I had it together. I thought if I stayed busy enough, distracted enough, I could outrun it. That if I moved fast enough, maybe I wouldn’t have to feel it. But pain has a way of catching up to you. It doesn’t care how fast you’re running or how tightly you’ve locked the doors. It finds a way in.

And that’s when I realized: you can’t run from something that’s already inside you. It’s not a shadow you can leave behind. It’s a part of you, nestled deep, waiting for the moment you can’t ignore it anymore. That morning, with my drink pooling at my feet, I finally stopped running. And for the first time in weeks—or maybe longer—I let myself feel it all.

[helloolizz]

I left my heart in Shanghai, China 🇨🇳

It's hard to believe the I have only been in Shanghai for just 2 weeks. Shanghai has an amazing ability to make you feel as though you are apart of it, even as you just stand back and watch this amazing city. In just 14 days I have already fallen in love with this city, the people, the food, except that there are less rice encounter, and the beautiful culture.

After a 4 hour flight, from Manila Philippines, I finally landed to Shanghai Pudong International Airport. Stepping out of the airport, it didn’t take me long to realize how different Shanghai is from Manila. The first thing that hits you is the cold. You see, my body is set at 28-30 degree celcius. So I first noticed how cold China was at just 22 degrees. I know it may still be hot for some people, but to my Filipino body, it is below than what is accepted haha it was also drizzling. I want to say it was a cold weather, but I feel warmed and welcome.

It was super exciting and an experience I will never forget.

My new life motto became: go everywhere, see everything, and experience everything. I love to immerse myself in different cultures, have lots of experiences and adventures, and I really enjoy taking photos. I always think I will look back on this when I grow up and i want to see what the younger me was doing at 25. My favourite thing about my China trip is that it truly feels like a whole other world! I knew China was one of the biggest countries in the world, but when I was there, it felt like living in the only country in existence. There are so many people, places, and cultures, and the language was overwhelmingly amazing. It was the first place I’ve travelled to i that made me think, “Wow!” I can't stop gawking at buildings and infrastructure and I feel like I was pulled in a television, transporting me in a Chinese drama setting. I know, I know, I am a daydreamer.

Xintiandi Shanghai

*Plays Jay Chou's Love Confession*

"Qin Ài De" (亲爱的) is a term of endearment in Chinese that translates to "My Dear" or "My Beloved." I really love this endearment and to associate it with a place or location, we can think of places that evoke warmth, affection, or intimate settings. To me, that place is Xintiandi Shanghai. It is a place upscale and vibrant area meets modernity with a touch of historical charm. The neighborhood is famous for its beautifully restored Shikumen architecture, which combines traditional Shanghai-style buildings with chic, contemporary design.

The lantern and fairy lit streets at night, the old brick buildings, the modern art galleries—these visual cues helped my brain reinforce the romantic and heartfelt sentiment of "Qin Ài De". Xintiandi, with its mixture of tradition, elegance, and modern appeal, would be an ideal representation of tender affection in the heart of Shanghai.

[helloolizz]

I'm Back and Blue

Hello, Tumblr world. It's me again. Finally I had the courage to type my thoughts in today. I missed writing in here. I miss writing my thoughts in general. I used to scribble down everything on my journal when I was young. Now, I make digitalization quite an excuse for me not to write anymore. That sucks.

I'm 24 now. Turning 25 this year, and the last time I navigate through this website and write my thoughts was when I was 21. Time sure flies fast and my character development was a wild, chaotic, and quite strange the past 3 years. I was learning how to find my voice and battling newfound demons and my early 20’s so far is consisted of learning more about my demons. How to accept and harmonize with them.

I don't know if I've said this before but there were a lot of things I repressed as a kid, that are continuously starting to overflow like a glass full of bubble fizzes when you pour the soda in your glass too fast. The more I had the option to repressed my emotions, the more I had the options to run, and the more that I run the more I was faced to see my darker selves. I think there’s always so much intensity and emotions overflowing inside my head and yet it just burns in my tongue before I get to express them.

I sometimes wonder what version of me i feed to people and I wonder what it tastes like to them.

[helloolizz]

The more that you say, the less I know

Wherever you stray, I follow

I'm begging for you to take my hand

Wreck my plans, that's my man