hellsite-saxophonist

[hellsite-saxophonist]

My friend, this is something you do as a hobby, return when you are ready (even if that means not at all).

I have been honored to be your saxophone playing neighbor who serenades your investigations with moody noir music.

You have not let anyone down.

hellow. it has been a while hasn’t it? i want to apologize to everyone for not being around that much. i keep wanting to come back, keep wanting to take cases on again, but every time i want to my life somehow gets worse

i haven’t forgotten you all. i think about this service and these cases all the time, and i feel so guilty for not helping yall find the posts you’re looking for. i’ve considered abandoning this blog altogether just to try and hide from the responsibility. it’s all a lot. it’s so much. i��m not gonna abandon it because i wanna have hope ill come back to it someday

i really hope one day i can come back. i hope one day i can do this again. but today isn’t that day and that day doesn’t look at all close by

i am so sorry to everyone. i have let you all down

[hellsite-saxophonist]

Prepare yourself.

[hellsite-saxophonist]

*a letter is dropped through your mail slot, its beat up and the return address is simply ‘that big haunted house’*

Heya, detective…I got a request for ya…find me your favorite post that mentions ghosts, ghouls, or anything creepy…the haunted house wants to add it to our collection…see ya soon, detective…

-you’ll learn soon

ah. a good classic spooky post. now, there's lots of good ones out there. but there's only one post that's capture my heart. one that shines above the rest in glorious fashion. that bein' the classic tale of Man Door Hand Hook Car Door.

there was only one problem...

see, Man Door Hand Hook Car Door originated on 4chan, not tumblr. which made it ineligible. or so i thought! because there was a post made on tumblr back in 2014 that included just a screenshot of the post. after speakin' with Madame Curator, we determined that this tumblr repost was what made the story famous, and as such, it is eligible. so! i filed that one away.

Post Case: Closed

[hellsite-saxophonist]

I saw someone screenshot this post recently without reblogging. No usernames, sadly.

Can you find this?

findin' this one proved to be no trouble at all. all i needed to do was head down to the Search Bar and ask Google for "tumblr texas crematorium you kill 'em" and got the post immediately. i was able fo file it away no problem...

here you are! an absolutely iconic post, and one of my personal favorites! have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎷🎵🎶🎷 *cough cough*

MS. DETECTIVE! MS. DETECTIVE! I-*gets smited by god*

OH GOD—

oh no… it’s happening again…

[hellsite-saxophonist]

I play a sad dirge from my balcony as the detective disappears into the night.

The clop of her highheels mix with the rain before fading.

Neon signs and street lamps cast strange reflections in the growing puddles, taxis honk their horns, a crowd is queuing for Goncharov 2, the 24 hour blorbo merch store is still busy, life goes on whether you want it to or not.

You can't win them all in Tumblr City and that's okay.

🎷🎵🎶🎵🎷

Couldn't find the original

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎷🎵🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🎶🎷

I’ve been searching for AGES for a post that goes like. the OP says something, someone replies with something mildly offensive, and OP replies with something that absolutely destroys them, then someone else says “this is like seeing an ant and shooting it with a gun.” I’ve googled the phrase “like seeing an ant and shooting it with a gun” so many times over the past year trying to find this post and I CANNOT find it

this here was one of the first post cases i was ever handed. back then, i couldn't solve it. i had no idea how to solve it. everything i was tryin' was turnin' up blank. but i was a more experienced woman now. i knew my way around this site, and i knew how to talk circles around the Don, somethin' the younger me, more inexperienced, me could never do.

so i went down to the Search Bar to talk to Google. last time i approached them about this case, it was before they opened up this joint. but now, i was ready. i had the quote my client gave me in hand and asked them for it from tumblr. i was more forceful now, no pleasantries were shared between us. they looked me in the eye, tryin' to find some way to dance around the question again, but they knew they weren't speakin' to the same girl who opened up that P.P.I. office with nothin' but a dream. they were lookin' at a woman who out-classed them in wit, skill, and ingenuity. and so, they reached silently into their briefcase and pulled out the post i was lookin' for. i thanked them for their time and went to file it away. i left the Search Bar knowin' that if the young Miss Detective could see me now, she'd be proud of me...

here you are! sorry it took so long, but sometimes post cases require more experienced eyes. have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

[hellsite-saxophonist]

New Orleans ❤

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎶🎵🎷bllrrrrrpp bllrrrrp blrrrp🎷🎵🎶

finally finally finally

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎶🎵🎷*honks out the Star Wars theme Bisexually*🎷🎵🎶

Hello they-uh Madam Detective. Aah need ya tuh find a post fer me. It's 'bout a fellah 'r gal talkin' ta the bisexual community, den dey command'd 'em to begin killin'. Aah'm sure ya'd've hea'd a' it, it made headlines—but aah digress.

Thank ya much kindly!

(*cough* *cough* god damn that accent is straining)

once more, findin' this one was very easy. see, i was lookin' for a post where the bisexual community was bein' called upon to begin killin'. now, i didn't know what they were killin' for, but i wasn't gonna stop them. so, i went down to my ol' pal, Don Google, at the Search Bar and asked them for "tumblr bisexual begin killing" and was, once again, handed the link rather quickly. i filed it away back at my office.

here you go! to any bisexual people followin' me, this is your call to action! you may begin killin'! have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎵🎶🎷HONK🎷🎵🎶

*Falls through the roof into the chair in front of your desk* Detective! Ma'am! I have a very important message!! I hope you enjoy your time with Madame Curator, and that you get to the bottom of these mysterious happenstances happening in your office! *reverses back through the roof, leaving it as intact as it was before I fell into your office, somehow taking your chair with me and getting it stuck on the floor/roof above you*

thank you!!! i know we’re going to have an amazing time together!!! i’ve missed her so much since we last met up!!

and ah don’t worry about the chair! @moody-noir-saxophone lives in the apartment above me so they can bring it down when they have time!

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎵🎶🎷🎷B̸͜͠u̷͔͌r̷̩̐r̶̺̄r̶̖͂ŗ̷̑r̴̮͠r̷͚͑r̵̰̔r̴͓̀h̷̞̊h̶͇͂ȟ̶ͅh̴̜̔h̷̰̅h̶͙͝ ̶̦͛ģ̴̂r̴̥̿r̶͕͌r̶̦͗r̸̹̽ṛ̸̈́r̴̡̚r̸̗̔u̸̗̇u̸̗͂u̴̬̓u̶͚̒u̶̦͝r̶͂͜r̷̳̐ȓ̵̩🎶🎵🎷🎷

[RUNS INTO OFFICE]

DETECTIVE!! DETECTIVE!!

I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING GOING ON

LISTEN I HAVE A LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME TO TELL YOU BEFORW—-

[gets sucked down to limbo]

WAH WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING

i think i might need @osha-official-2 to come into my office and check if this place is up to code?? because abductions and limbo portals don’t seem to be normal occurrences for a detective office

[hellsite-saxophonist]

If Twitter/X and Tumblr are cities, does that mean other social media cites are also cities? Like YT and Insta?

yes! all social media sites are cities! i don’t normally have to venture out to any of those other cities, but they do exist! they all have very different styles and vibes from each other!

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎵🎶🎷🎷hrrrrrk brrrrkkk hurrrrkkk creeekkkk🎷🎷🎶🎵

*a letter is dropped through your mail slot, its beat up and the return address is simply ‘that big haunted house’*

Heya, detective…I got a request for ya…find me your favorite post that mentions ghosts, ghouls, or anything creepy…the haunted house wants to add it to our collection…see ya soon, detective…

-you’ll learn soon

ah. a good classic spooky post. now, there's lots of good ones out there. but there's only one post that's capture my heart. one that shines above the rest in glorious fashion. that bein' the classic tale of Man Door Hand Hook Car Door.

there was only one problem...

see, Man Door Hand Hook Car Door originated on 4chan, not tumblr. which made it ineligible. or so i thought! because there was a post made on tumblr back in 2014 that included just a screenshot of the post. after speakin' with Madame Curator, we determined that this tumblr repost was what made the story famous, and as such, it is eligible. so! i filed that one away.

Post Case: Closed

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎶 🎵 🎷 🎷 brrrppharparparp dreaeeuuuuuuurrrrr 🎷 🎷 🎶 🎵

I'm curious where "I like your shoelaces" "thanks, I stole them from the President" came from

an absolute classic post. a truly iconic piece of tumblr history. and now i got to be apart of it in my own little way. i took to google and searched "i like your shoelaces tumblr" and quickly found an image. i went to the original blog but found it had been deactivated. luckily, they had a new blog linked there. i went to the new blog, searched for "shoelaces," and quickly found what i was lookin' for. the next step was findin' the rest of the exchange.

i started by searchin' for the other blogs in the chain, but everything was turnin' up empty. lost, and without hope, i went back to the original post i had found. i submitted myself to scrolling through the two million reblogs just to find the original version of this post. luckily, it wasn't gonna be that hard, because a kind soul had recently reblogged the original exchange, makin' this post a breeze to grab.

here's your post! before you head out, i just have one more thing to mention. see, i couldn't help but admire your shoelaces. would you mind tellin' me where you got them? have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

[hellsite-saxophonist]

🎶 🎵 🎷 🎷 Merueurueueuruer brhhhhhhhhhh 🎷 🎷 🎶 🎵

I'm looking for a comic. But sadly I only have some very vague recollections. All I remember about it is:

It was very long. i'm talking like color of the sky long or longer. or felt like it at least.

i think, essentially, it is about the entropy of the universe. maybe. like how eventually there is just nothingness left??

i believe its the journey two souls take over the course of that time, but starts with them alive as people??

it had a bittersweet sort of vibe to it. sad, but beautiful.

pretty sure the majority of it is black and white.

i wanna say i found it here on tumblr but it could have been imgur. idk. it was many many years ago.

apologies for not having better details to assist in the hunt.

never in my time as a detective have i been taken on a journey quite like this one. to answer your question, this one originated on imgur. however, i'm makin' an exception here because this... this is art.

lookin' up "tumblr entropy of the universe" yielded no results. but searching for "imgur entropy of the universe" got me to an image result linkin' me to imgur. and there it was. the comic in all its glory.

when i was told this would be "color of the sky" long, i think that sold this short. i know color of the sky. i know it all too well. i've seen it so many times i've lost count, courtesy of Madame Curator. but this? this outdoes it. this was pure beauty. enjoy this comic, anon. it's incredible. have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

[hellsite-saxophonist]

'Ello there, Detective.

I was hopin' you'd find a post from me. It was 'bout seven years, give or take, since I last saw that post. I was 'bout a bloke not flippin' his sticks—I looked for it meself, but I ain't got a Scooby Doo 'bout it.

Much thanks.

an anon came into my office lookin' for a post about a fella flippin' his sticks. seemed my client came all the way across the ocean for this one, given the lingo they were usin'. i may not be sherlock holmes, but i sure could find this post.

i went to google and searched for "tumblr flipping his sticks" and quickly found what i was lookin' for. the last blog in the chain had been deleted, so i did a little reverse engineerin' usin' some of the reblogs and found the post no problem.

here's your post! i sure hope this fella ended up flippin' his sticks, but given how long it's been, i'm gonna say he hasn't. have a great day!

Post Case: Closed