Hajime: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.
Makoto: You know, when Nagito comes over, Hajime can get a little…
Kaede: Psycho?
Kyoko: Scary?
Shuichi: Drunk?
Makoto: All three.
Kaede: You have to apologize to them Kokichi.
Kokichi: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!
Shuichi: "I lost a bet."
Shuichi: The second-most ominous phrase in existence.
Kaede: What's the first?
Shuichi: "Let's make a bet."
Shuichi: If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2 drop rate.
Hajime: What?
Shuichi: Good luck.
Hajime: Whatever happened to the concept of less is more?
Nagito: But if less is more, then just think of how much more 'more' will be!
Kaede: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship.
Kokichi: We’re not friends.
Kaede, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.
Kyoko: If bees can be fish and boys can be girls, then why can't my dad love me?
Byakuya: I thought I was going to have to yell at you, but now I think I should hug you.
Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread
Kokichi: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.
Shuichi: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.
Chiaki: if you want information it is
Makoto: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?
Makoto: I want a bf.
Byakuya: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.
Kokichi: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Chiaki: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
Makoto: You’ve got to learn to love yourself.
Nagito: But don't you hate yourself.
Makoto: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.
Nagito: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born.
Kyoko: Aw… that's not true.
Kyoko: It'd be exactly the same.
Kyoko: You're not important.
Shuichi: Well Kokichi, I have to say, I'm really disappointed.
Kokichi: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.
Makoto: Here's two facts about me.
Makoto: 1. I hate hot people.
Makoto: 2. I'm a hypocrite.
Kaede: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue?
Makoto: Technically a mix of green and blue?
Kaede: So blurple.
Makoto: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple.
Kaede: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE?
Makoto: You were confusing before but now I'm scared.
Kokichi: I just wanna be called cute 21/7.
Shuichi: Why no 24/7?
Kokichi: Snack breaks.
Makoto, to Shuichi: If Hajime doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check.
Hajime, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!
Byakuya: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Shuichi?
Shuichi: …Not really.
Byakuya: Nothing?
Shuichi: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.
Shuichi: Where have you been all day?
Hajime: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.
Nagito: Hajime annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow.
Kaede: There is nothing special about tomorrow.
Nagito: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.
Shuichi: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group.
Chiaki: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?
Shuichi: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.
Hajime: WHO THE FUCK-
Kaede: Whoa, language!
Hajime: I speak fucking English!
Kaede: …
Chiaki: I need a long word.
Shuichi: T-rex but the long one.
Kyoko: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP-
Kokichi: …Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE??
Kyoko: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!
Makoto: :)
Hajime: >:(
Makoto: Turn that frown upside down!
Hajime: ):<
Makoto: Not sure what I was expecting…
Makoto: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Hajime and not do the thing,
Makoto: Well there’s a clear right answer here.
Makoto: proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke
Kyoko: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Makoto: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Nagito: Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Makoto: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
Shuichi: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Makoto: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Kaede: Hajime likes to win. When they were 8, a little Club Scout friend of theirs bragged they could sell the most cookies.
Kaede: Damned if Hajime didn't walk the neighborhood till they got blisters on their feet, and won by 10 boxes.
Kaede: Best part is, Hajime wasn't even a Club Scout.
Nagito: You know, Hajime, when you generalize, you tell general… lies.
Hajime: …
Hajime: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.
or
Nagito: You know, Kokichi, when you generalize, you tell general… lies.
Kokichi: …
Kokichi: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.
Hajime: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Nagito: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Hajime: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Nagito: Is it working?
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