heresylog

[heresylog]

my preemptive answer is that because people refuse to commit main characters to it but i'm sure there are many reasons

[heresylog]

Since it could happen any day now, I'm just going to say it.

If Tumblr asks me for ID verification, I will probably just not sign in again.

I love you guys, I will miss you, and I don't want you to think anything bad has happened to me if I disappear off here.

But it's a tall order to ask me to attach my real ID documents to a social media site that might not have the means to keep my information private and safe.

You can find me... nowhere, because everywhere else will have the exact same problem. If it happens I will just... not have an online presence any more.

Maybe it won't happen. I hope it doesn't. But I'm putting this here just in case.

[heresylog]

Foxes disguised as monks. On the left from Japan and on the right from Denmark.

[heresylog]

it's my feast day

[heresylog]

Realizing I can't just shut down and push everyone away the second I feel misunderstood if I want to actually grow as a person and learn to tolerate discomfort enough to try new things and make my dreams come true with my own two hands

[heresylog]

Why do you have a fear of intimacy ?

Attachment is the source of all suffering!

[heresylog]

i forgot about the concept of being gay for a second (despite. being gay) and thought that ask meant had you come out to your sisters as a tumblr user and i was like oh it’s nice that they are accepting. girl

it really puts it all into perspective. i think the nuns are more accepting of me as a queer person than as a tumblr user.

[heresylog]

And I suppose I am out to the sister I admitted to having a crush on. It was quite an ordeal. She took it very well, and I was a bit nervous since there is quite an age gap. This sort of thing happens often, I hear. I told her in one of our prayer chapels (not used for Mass) She said this "I don't know what to say." Then after a few minutes she said, "Do you like chocolate, I'll be right back!" She ran out of the chapel so fast I didn't think she would come back. She did and handed me a chocolate. I think she needed a chance to gather her thoughts because she said to me, "My favorite thing about being here is being at Mass during the consecration of the Eucharist and seeing everyone focused on Jesus. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

I said yes. She was basically telling me to keep reminding myself why I'm here.

I told my directress that I was having trouble focusing on prayer and that I'm worried that the only reason I'm sticking through novitiate was because of this one sister that I have a crush on.

My directress kind of sighed and said I needed to pull myself together and that all the evidence that she sees is that I do deserve to be here and that I came before I even knew her. She kinda put everything into perspective.

Are you out to your fellow nuns/your directress? If so, how are you treated by them?

Just my directress and some of the people in formation with me. They don’t really care.

[heresylog]

We've already had a Pope John-Paul, it's time for Pope George-Ringo!

[heresylog]

You know what day it is!

[heresylog]

That post about the finches. You should know that there's a breed of canary that (sort of) looks like it has a little tonsure.

They're called Gloster Canaries.

Baby Francis

[heresylog]

I just heard that Supernatural is trending again. But I thought it ended awhile ago?

[heresylog]

storytime: first time sacristan

so this story happened before i entered the convent and became a sister. i was still a lay person and worked at a catholic organization focused on social services. my main role at this organization was administrative but as one of the few staff members who was actually catholic (only one-fourth of us employees were) i had to fill in for parts when we celebrated Mass in the chapel. the worst was when i was the alternate sacristan.

this chapel was actually called a meditation room. the bishop knew that we were serving a lot of muslim and interfaith clients. he wanted a space that was not specifically dedicated to catholic-y things and could be used for salah, etc.

this means that unlike a normal chapel, there was no tabernacle.

my job as sacristan was to set up for whichever priest could pencil coming out to our organization each month and celebrating mass during our lunch break. i got the cruets, the purificator, neatly arranged the corporal on the makeshift altar, the pall and paten are perfectly placed on the chalice... i'm feeling good about this. i wait by the door and ask each person discreetly whether or not they will be receiving communion today. i add a host to the bowl. i add two or three extra in case we have late arrivals.

mass is about to begin in less than thirty seconds. this is a small room but it's filled to the brim with catholics, there's probably twenty of us. not all of us are receiving communion so there's about fifteen hosts in the bowl. father is standing up and ready to begin.

i don't notice that behind me, there are people putting in their host. they had no idea that i had put in a host already for them. until we get to the Eucharist part of the liturgy. everyone who will receive has received communion.

but there are about twenty hosts inside the bowl leftover. and remember: no tabernacle.

we had to sit and watch father consume each host fully and completely before consuming the next one. it was an agonizingly long time in silence, with only the soft crunch of the host to fill the space. i was completely mortified. this was my first time on my own as the back up sacristan. i was trying to prove myself.

father took it like a champ though. he never mentioned it (at least to my face.)

[heresylog]

the finches nesting in the monastery have evolved tonsures

[heresylog]

Hello! My community does not typically sing the office, we speak it. But when I visit the Norbertines it does definitely try my patience and my vocal chords.

Update on the journey of nun-hood*

It’s been about a week since I entered the convent. Right now I still haven’t made any vows or promises, but I can tell you what it’s like so far.

There are so many women, and they’re all so different. Whatever image you have in your head about what a religious sister is, she probably exists. There are sisters who like the traditional hobbies of gardening and sewing but there are others who like riding motorcycles and flying planes.

You’re never bored. I have such a packed schedule. My day starts around 6am and ends at 10pm. In that time I probably have about two hours of downtime, not including meals or required recreation. Most days I’m doing dishes or folding laundry. Other days I’m reading or working on schoolwork.

It’s been a big change. I’m glad I’m doing this and I wish I’d done it sooner.

*I used the word “nun” even though I am not aiming to be cloistered. I am an aspiring religious sister.

[heresylog]

Not that gay but not, not gay This one I left off for awhile since I didn't know how to broach it. I would be remiss to ignore the thing people ask most about: the sex lives of religious sisters. The tl;dr is that sisters don't have any such thing as a "sex life" but they are still sexual beings. It's different for the older sisters since a lot of them are post-menopausal so those days are sort of behind them. Especially since they've had all that practice not giving in to sexual urges. There are some sisters that are probably gay, and I even got my directress to tell me about a small scandal that happened in the early 80s. But everyone here is trying to be chaste. Even if a sister was gay and interested in another lgbt sister who had mutual attractions, it would be seen as disrespectful to even broach the topic of fulfilling their sexual appetites with each other. Every sister is married to Jesus, to God, and to ask someone to betray their Spouse who is an almighty and jealous being is seen as kinda gauche at best. And the same thing for straight sisters. When men are interested in them and there might be mutual attraction, you just don't go there and upend everyone's life.

Update on the journey of nun-hood*

It’s been about a week since I entered the convent. Right now I still haven’t made any vows or promises, but I can tell you what it’s like so far.

There are so many women, and they’re all so different. Whatever image you have in your head about what a religious sister is, she probably exists. There are sisters who like the traditional hobbies of gardening and sewing but there are others who like riding motorcycles and flying planes.

You’re never bored. I have such a packed schedule. My day starts around 6am and ends at 10pm. In that time I probably have about two hours of downtime, not including meals or required recreation. Most days I’m doing dishes or folding laundry. Other days I’m reading or working on schoolwork.

It’s been a big change. I’m glad I’m doing this and I wish I’d done it sooner.

*I used the word “nun” even though I am not aiming to be cloistered. I am an aspiring religious sister.

[heresylog]

so i have been given a new name a few months ago and i'm starting to now feel okay about it