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I really just wanna be at camp. I just got this overwhelming wish to be at camp.  And for it to be a morning. I’m just waking up. The tile floor in the kitchen cold to my bare feet, but I’m on a mission for the coffee. The terribly subpar coffee that I wouldn’t drink anywhere but camp. I miss hearing the door creak as I tried to open it quietly. I long for the feeling of pine needles underfoot as I trek to the dock. My beloved dock. Sitting on the end, sleep still in my eyes, and my feet dunking gently in the water. A loon popping up in the distance, and the sun still behind a wall of trees. I just really, really want to be at camp.     

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lovely moon sign things

aries: a reckless romantic! big hearts and funny minds. lovessss to play it cool and give away as little as possible about their funny little selves. 

taurus: remembers so many little details about people. so exceptionally clever, but in a psychological way as well as an academic way. an aMaZiNG pal

gemini: wants to tell you every detail about their day. wants the world to laugh alongside them. people fascinate them. they have a way with words

cancer: sees romance in buildings and nature. stylish & genius. want the best for everyone around them. protective hearts

leo: is always there to protect & care for those when they need it. so much wit. a talented mind. they bring a lot of light when you’re around them.

virgo: just wants to create art. a gentleman or lady. organic souls. consumes knowledge & loves learning. kind beings

libra: very forgiving, just wants to make everyone laugh. the softest being & very romantic. stands up what & who they believe in

scorpio: colorful & eccentric minds. always go for what they want & usually get it! loved by many, beautiful smiley people.

sagittarius: change EXCITES them. playful & creative. loves meeting new people & sticks by the ones they love. so much LIFE in them

capricorn: so MucH tAlent!!! beautiful minds! stubborn & sarcastic & have too many interests at once. big dreamers & chance takers

aquarius: is embarrassed about the quirks that the world loves them for. absolutely unique, you’ve never met anyone like them. beautiful in & out

pisces: just wants to save the world really. picturesque & arty, the sweetest of souls. they experience romance in every aspect they can

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we’re all just people trying their best. people in the world trying to get by, and shield our fragile hearts. we’re just people trying to mask our feelings with jokes and shoulder shrugs. people, kids really, who grew up way too fast, but not enough. 

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my heart hurts that i've ever hurt her. i feel like i've hurt her and i don’t know how to say i'm sorry. because i feel like sorry doesn’t always cut it, and especially not know.      

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I still don’t know the answer to this. after a year and a half, and six months since we broke up and I'm still coming to terms with this. 

Is it your touch, or just a touch I crave?

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just looking though these posts, all the bt tags makes me sick. did I really feel that desperate for attention and love that I was willing to become someone else for it? I'm not the girl who cries over a boy, who spills her guts for a boy. I’m Hollie Anne, fucking Mello. I think I need to remind myself of that. 

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what’s bad is the fact I let myself, my life, my dignity, my everything be defined by the fact that I finally felt someone loved me. even though I'm not sure I loved him that way I said I did, I let myself be consumed by the felling of knowing he loved me. that’s bad. 

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this is bad

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no other person on this planet was made for you, they were made for themselves. love is all about choices. no one is going to be perfect for you, and i think we need to stop raising everyone on the belief that someone out there, just one other person in the whole world, was “made for you” because it isn’t true. no one is made for you, besides you. other people belong to themselves. if you want to make it work with someone, it’s about hard work, understanding, compassion, communication, and choice

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I’m not sure what to expect, and I’d like to say I don’t expect anything but we all know that’s not how humans work. I don’t know how to mentally prepare for it, or if there is anything I should do before hand.  I’ll list points and thoughts I know I have.  1) I’m sorry for how I treated you this summer. It was wrong of me, and I didn’t handle the situation at all well and I’m deeply sorry for hurting you in the process. 2) I miss you 3) I’d like to be in a relationship with you, I’d like it to be romantic but I understand if it can’t be.  4) I’m working on being okay with not knowing our future. It’s something I struggle with, and want to know, but I can’t. And I’m okay with the possibilities being endless, are you? 5) I want us to still have space, I want to rediscover myself and what brings me joy outside of you. I put a lot of my own happiness on you, and this summer went in the other extreme.   6) I’d like to look deeper into our relationship if we resume it, and really work on it. I found myself taking how easy it was for us winter and spring for granted.  7) Better communication, I’ll work on it...or I want to try to.  8) I want to explain why i was so steadfast on breaking up. I made a decision and stuck to it thinking it would work out, and it felt fucking terrible. It felt like such a huge mistake, and I didn’t know how to handle that pit in my stomach. I didn’t know how to stop crying, or thinking about you, and maybe we didn’t give it enough time, but maybe it’s just not right...I don’t know the answer to this but it’s something. I also believe in my core that we both have things we need to work on, and my first thought is those things need to be done with out the other persons influence.  9) Questions about anything?  10) How are you feeling...? I guess I should have started with that...

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My hope is that we come to the same conclusion. 

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I think this is good. I’m fleshing out a lot of my thoughts and feelings, and tho I’m sad still...this is good. I needed this.  But I still need him. 

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Did you finish stranger things?

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Why did I tell you about tinder...easy. Because it felt wrong and I felt like lying to you by not telling you

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You've asked me what I want...I want you. No one else involved or to know really. I don't want outside opinions or views creeping in. I just want you and I, in a human pretzel. I want to be able to keep your clothes, and trade them come Christmas for ones that smell more like you. Do I think this is forever...no...but I'm happy with you now...is that okay?

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I can't wait to tell you all about the Emily/Robbie drama

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Do you miss me...like I miss you?