hiddenmessage - Tumblr blog

[hiddenmessage]

Au revoir!

I don’t know lately I feel like I’m really sad and suddenly just cry. maybe because I remember that soon I’ll be in an LDR with you again. I’m just afraid to feel lonely and alone here. Moreover, for almost 10 months we are in the same city and often meet, almost often eat and play together, especially on Saturdays and Sundays when I am not back in Malang. I will miss you so much, I will miss you. I’m afraid of loneliness, I’m afraid of insects, what should I do without you. I’m afraid of ghosts but if you’re with me, I’m not afraid anymore. Today is the last day we eat together because tomorrow I’m back in Malang, and the plan is that you will also return to Bekasi. We also don’t know when we can meet again. Honestly I’m not ready but if I ask you to stay here with me, I think I’m too selfish. Well, I hope I can get used to living independently without you for a while. I hope we can get married soon so that I will always stay and see you every day and I’m not afraid if you leave because I’m sure you will come home and come back with me again. until we meet again someday, and somewhere on Earth.

[hiddenmessage]

solitude

maybe I'm really lonely. someone who is the only one who can make my days filled in fact a bit become different. maybe it's just my sentiment because the circumstance is not like before. many things that I could never tell him maybe so did he. I am afraid. all my anxieties are my problems which I don't think need to implicate him. he didn't even need to know to keep things all right. not all things both of us should know. it could be that he is also not fine just like me. we both keep secrets. once again I took a deep breath. trying to calm my mind. accept all the negative things that dominate in my brain. I can still control myself. the emptiness in me is not the duties of other people moreover him. I just need to realize myself. become the most fascinating friend for me. it was like having two souls in a body so that when one soul felt helpless the other would help it. this sounds so funny. that's not how it works. I just need to alleviate my heart by reducing all the things I shouldn't have to think about. things that I suppose should happen even though God has more control over the world. I just need to wise up that I'm still strong enough to hold on. all this just need to accept it and then let it go. everything just about time, and time will make it. as time goes by.

[hiddenmessage]

Remember, everyone has their moments.

We cannot compare our life path with others, even when we feel that our condition is not much different from theirs, because we are walking on different paths. Never be spiteful and make your own success. Because you are what was born to keep on a scramble and boon everyone.  "Success is not for people who have never struggled. Success is here for those who always try and always get up when they fall"

[hiddenmessage]

It feels more and more stuffy to hear good news from other people, more precisely those closest to us. I am a hypocrite. It looks happy, but it's so painful to hold on. It's hard to feel okay when you know someone made it faster than us.

[hiddenmessage]

I'm happy to be able to accompany you .. sitting next to you, but there is no way for us to talk less time. You are busy doing coaching, busy working on your final project too, although sometimes it feels annoying if I can just keep quiet with my own thoughts but what can I do... I have to understand, I have to understand your situation. it's okay, I'm okay. Really.

[hiddenmessage]

Honestly, I don't want to look weak in your eyes, to be honest, I'm sad you obey me for not communicating for a moment, yes I know I was wrong I gave a solution like that. I was wrong, I kept quiet. I was wrong because I couldn't speak honestly to you. I know I'm in the wrong and I'm horrible, especially to myself. Maybe I shouldn't hope to you. I'm definitely disappointed because I can't live up to expectations and it's not your fault, it's not your responsibility to follow my expectations. The point is, in the current situation I really need someone who is there for me to just make me smile every day, make me feel less alone, make me laugh, make me happy even though the presence of that person is far away, yes it's you.

[hiddenmessage]

Just Believe

Hey, your boyfriend is yours, but he's not only yours, Allah's, his mother's, his friends', his own, so you should try to practice sharing, according to the conditions. You already believe that's the key, yes, we can't do anything. Let's just say he's doing a good job, helping his friend. Think of it as an exercise, later when in the world of work, the case could be even worse, it could be that he can project with people you don't like, but what can you do, believe him, don't overthink, he's doing good, you too have to do good, okay? :)

[hiddenmessage]

Anyway, with you learning to let go of this, with you holding this, you're already cool !!! Is it okay if this is the first time, it's okay to be weak, it's okay, please take a break first, calm everything first, seek forgiveness if you're tired, you can do good with Allah, to be calm, or pray, calm down, you have Allah, just ask Allah

Learn a little to let him go..ok, I mean don't be too fixated on him, your happiness is not only in him, to be honest, I am sad to see you are very sad because of him, but indeed that is also your happiness, keep up your spirit, remember you have Allah, Don't let Allah be jealous because you pay more attention to humans, the universe deserves to see you happy, no matter what

[hiddenmessage]

The stupid thing that I was done

Hi... sorry for contact you again. Maybe it sounds not good and I realize what I do almost last year is a stupid thing, I know you really dont have any idea about my problem, so I apologize for being impolite and bother you at that time. I just don't want to hate someone or having bad feeling to other because about time nobody knows. Thank you for respon me genially before. I wish you still befriend with that human and we can befriend or let befriend :)

-someone who has chats you out of the blue

[hiddenmessage]

For someone who I never met but I hated

I don't know why this human allways talking about you, like you is the better person than me. I know you, more than you know me. It's hurt me much. Can you find how can this human treat two person at the same time with different feeling?

- I was the one you accidentally hurt

[hiddenmessage]

A Letter to My Beloved

(This message made on 20/03/2020. If you read this, it means that my message sent at 2.00 AM on 24th June 2020. Yes, I scheduled it) So here we go... 

Dear you,

I apologize for sending this message. I have so much to say that I can't say, but this time I say it to you. I just want to forget (by sharing it to you) all the pain/the deep soreness/ so much hurt... I know it almost 1 year ago maybe more, I realize that I shouldn't remember this but my mind every day, every time, I still keep in mind and anxious. I'm sorry if I hated these girls, until then. Maybe all of the girl that makes me stressful (You know it). (But you knew that I try to make peace with them by following their social media) Honestly, I desire you to know what I'm thinking, what I worried about, what I afraid for, until at this second. Before you gave this pain, I think by give you everything you want, you never do this. But, future, nobody knows. Just by sending this video and some screenshots... You can see what I see. I hope you can feel what I feel at that past time, I hope you can understand my feeling. Please heal me... In fact, I still stalking that girls, I still don't want you to connect with them, have a conversation or just saying 'Hi'. I don't want. I ever try to ignore this, ignore my jealous, ignore my worried, ignore everything about other girls. But I can't. If it hurt, it will hurt. I believe in you, I believe that you always love me, I believe you will never do it again. But my mind sometimes denies it. And I don't know if you still connect with them behind me. I really have no idea about you right now. Please prove that you never give this pain.

I'm the person who loved you too much, the person that will be jealous in every day to every girl in this world, the person who never be ready to lose you, the person that too greedy to want you, I'm that person. The selfish girl that you ever know.I admit that you are good at hiding your feeling. Good to not show it. I really want that too, but I can't. I always fail to cover up my extreme feeling. I always feel bad about being me. Being so sensitive. If I can not get jealous, I'll do. This pain... I wish I can forget it, I wish this pain never be repeated, until a long time. I beg you (and me).

For us in the future, We can make another happy storyline! Yes, we can. Through every good and bad moment together, take care of each other feeling, and having good communication every day. Always remember to make each other feel happy and afraid to make each other hurt. The soreness, it never will happen. I wish.

Please stay with me for an infinite time.. evermore. tkm.

with Unlimited Love,

-

nb: This message is not sent to the addressee, so the author sends it through this blog.