hieranarchy

[hieranarchy]

© Lynne Bellchamber Fine Art

[hieranarchy]

moonlight pixie prints | patreon (where this is the bonus postcard for May's print club!)

[hieranarchy]

my best friend wakes me up with coffee on my nightstand & a kiss on my hairline as she recalls her dreams in explicit detail.

& i ask-

it’s 7 in the morning, how can you love me this early in the day?

but she’s loved me through every hour of my worst day, more in a day than i’ve seen love in this lifetime.

everything i know about love i learned from her hands holding my hair back as last night’s decisions make their way out of my guts. love without pre-tense, without a winner & without a martyr. love without boundaries, with a shared hairbrush, and a warm cup of mixed berry tea.

i tell you every terrible thing i’ve done & you hold my hair back anyway. but of course you love me, you’re wearing one of my socks.

when our curtains are drawn open and our kitchen is flooded with sunshine, no place has felt more like home.

[hieranarchy]

no one loves an angry girl, all this rage made me hideous.

& i have not made myself loveable.

[hieranarchy]

i am not an artist, but for you, i could be.

i’ve grown to learn that a burnt child loves the fire, that the heat of their rage always finds it’s way off their tongue. where were you before i was all ash & ablaze?

in another life the sky is always pink & i never broke my oath to remain soft. & in another, July’s cherry trees grow upside down with their roots in the air; & in another we met at 6 years old chasing after the same blue-winged butterfly & you got to know me before i grew hard & indignant. before my tongue betrayed me every time a soft-spoken lover was patient with me. & i tell you that i don’t know how to undo the ruin. i don’t know how to believe i am worthy of a gentleness i was never given. you tell me i’m worth the broken bones & i feel my heart take root in my body, like i’ve discovered something which i have no name for. i wish i could believe you.

my winter solitude, my cold blooded touch. i show you my splintered core & you love me despite it. i don’t know how to believe you.

but my words have never been faithful to me, & the reigns have slipped from my hold once again.

can you still love me once you learn what i am?

i am not soft. but for you, i could be.

[hieranarchy]

i am not an artist, but for you, i could be.

i’ve grown to learn that a burnt child loves the fire, that the heat of their rage always finds it’s way off their tongue. where were you before i was all ash & ablaze?

in another life the sky is always pink & i never broke my oath to remain soft. & in another, July’s cherry trees grow upside down with their roots in the air; & in another we met at 6 years old chasing after the same blue-winged butterfly & you got to know me before i grew hard & indignant. before my tongue betrayed me every time a soft-spoken lover was patient with me. & i tell you that i don’t know how to undo the ruin. i don’t know how to believe i am worthy of a gentleness i was never given. you tell me i’m worth the broken bones & i feel my heart take root in my body, like i’ve discovered something which i have no name for. i wish i could believe you.

my winter solitude, my cold blooded touch. i show you my splintered core & you love me despite it. i don’t know how to believe you.

but my words have never been faithful to me, & the reigns have slipped from my hold once again.

can you still love me once you learn what i am?

i am not soft. but for you, i could be.

[hieranarchy]

Maybe this therapy shit is working

[hieranarchy]

Each time i feel like hating on capitalism i'm just gonna remember today.

i woke up, did a yoga stretch, took my time to perfect my makeup and then dropped off some stuff at my office in the busiest district of the country at 1130am.

Then i left at 12pm for a nice fancy lunch deal by the riverside complete with 3 courses. And then casually sauntered to a nearby building to meet my boyfriend and his friends while paying half attention to an online meeting. Then i made my way to Chinatown to find a TCM clinic for an acupuncture session to ease the remnants of my cold. It lasted about 45mins. Finally i headed back home and decided it was still early so i went back down below my block to get dinner for my fam. What a wonderful work day

(of doing zero work).

[hieranarchy]

[hieranarchy]

Marchesa, Fall 2016, Ready to Wear Collection

[hieranarchy]

Book stall in  Sulaymaniyah, Iraq.

Photo by  dastan khdir

[hieranarchy]

Marchesa, Fall 2016, Ready to Wear Collection

[hieranarchy]

DAY 50+???

i don't feel the need to make a report every day now for i'm certain my body has regained its ability to sleep.

FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK YEAAAAAAAAA

the only last words of advice i have for myself: let. go. of. fucking. perfection!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hieranarchy]

[hieranarchy]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by baby angel (@babyangel.jpg)

[hieranarchy]

DAY 43

Slept at 1130pm woke with a headache again but at least I woke at 820am. Headache could be resolved with massages.

DAY 44

Slept at 12am and tossed and turned until 3am?? Decided not to rely on anything else no pills no YouTube music to fall asleep bc I trust I would, eventually.Thinking of ideas before sleep might be the cause? Woke a couple of times and finally got up 8am. Limbs felt a bit heavy but now they’re feeling fine.

[hieranarchy]

DAY 41

i'm not sure why i woke up with a palpitating heart and a headache that lasted kinda the whole day. But it felt like i slept in bad position.

DAY 42

I WOKE UP AT 8AM HOHOHO (BY THE ALARM) THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS.