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[hilmihisham]

#101: Exercising, me, or it's just my another "ambitious but rubbish" moves?

Yea, a new toy. I finally bought a fitness tracker.

I hung this Huawei Band 4 Pro onto Morgana like this on a certain evening and it tracked that this cat got an average 90 bpm heartbeat and saying it was sleeping the whole time the tracker was on it. Welp :P

Well, as a cheapskate myself, I sure take a looooong time before I finally punch in my credit card number and put in my order for it. Yes, I sure did that.

I've had one eye on this fitness tracker thingy before, but seeing how I do have a lack of exercise in my life, I thought "nah, I probably won't have any use for it" and keep pushing aside the idea of getting one times and times again. Also, at the beginning when this kinda thingy pops up on the market, I feel like they was focusing on it more as a smartwatch - a watch that happens to have a bunch of smartphone function and also happens to have all these sensors to track your movement, health and et cetera. Since I already got a plain old watch myself, I just brush it aside as I don't really need it. I worked hard to save my small allowance money back in my high school days to get enough to buy this Swatch watch, and I wasn't having any idea to get it replaced since it was still working perfectly fine. Yeah, I still remember when these Swatch watch was a thing among my mates back in the day, and before that I was just using those cheapo fake night market "G-Shock" watch and keep exchanging them when the battery runs out. I thought, why not finally getting a proper good watch and use it till I dead, and so I bought one some months before SPM exam.

Fast forward 9 years later after a strap change and 3 battery replacement later, MCO and lockdown happen and I'm super bored. Life wasn't super exciting and fitness wasn't super good. Finally the thought of "shit, gotta do something about this" came and that idea of getting that fitness tracker finally hits.

Gotta say, the lack of exercise was really bad since I've finished with my student year and starting that office working life. It was already bad back when working at office was still a thing - 9-to-6 job was more like 8-to-9 working life with those traffic to office and back home during the weekdays, and my fitness was so lacking that I can't do much but sleeping half my weekend off to recover back those lost energy. So, exercise when, I wonder?

And then the c-thing came about and working from home was finally a fad all over the world. No more need to face traffic every morning and night, but things didn't change much for me as I fell into the trap of maximizing sleep as much as I can haha. Yea, I failed to establish a proper morning and night routine, and the bad spiral continues and looping on day after day. Workload was a lot during the day, and nighttime was the only time I got off the laptop screen so I spend most of it on TV screen and YouTube till very late. Even without nothing to watch, my mind was unconsciously refused to sleep - "this is my relaxing time off work, I gotta maximize the time I spend here" instead of getting sleep to rest. Coz of how late I went to sleep, I was very much very sleepy after fajr and decided to just go back to sleep to at least complete that 6 hours minimum sleep time. And so, I went back to sleep until 9am before finally wake up and straight away switching on the laptop to start work for the day. Good morning then was completely off and broken.

And so, I decided to stop all this. I need something to at least bring me back to a more healthy lifestyle than what I have above, and I thought fitness tracker might be just what I need for it.

It kinda worked, so far. I mean, it does feels good to get to see how much I've exercise each time after a running session ends, and the thought of "next time, I wanna run a bit farther than this" keeps coming after that. Y'know, like doing something, anything, and getting any sort of feedback afterwards - you just feel sort of fulfilment and accomplishment with that feedback. With this fitness tracker, I got that feedback - I know how many kilometer I've done my running, I know how much I've exercise based on the measurement of my heart beat, and it measured how much calories I've burned too, not that I really need it. Feels good to see all these data, and then comes the feeling of wanting to get more data and so I'll keep doing exercise for it.

At least, I felt that a good spiral, a good routine is coming after having this fitness tracker.

Yeah, most of the measurement coming out of this device is overestimate at best, but it's alright. Especially those sleep tracking that this thing can do. I don't need a very precise, very accurate data for my sleep analysis - I believe I don't have any sickness that deemed to have those accurate data - but it estimated that I have only around 30 minutes of deep sleep during the night is just good enough. At least there's some sort of measurement that I got, and with it I can get more motivation to improve my sleep quality. At least, that's a step into getting a better night sleep. At least, that can give me the motivation to sleep rather than spending the night late to do something other than work as a façade of having a rest time.

Being a cheapskate again, yeah, this device might be unnecessary, but I gotta say it's a good motivator for me to have a better lifestyle. At least for me myself as how I've run a not good lifestyle I've talked about on the above.

As for now, I've started to do running at least once a week because of this fitness tracker. At least that's something, yea. Moving forward, I do hope that I can keep up doing these exercise, and keep improving upon it. I plan to do a short run in every other morning, hopefully I can do that and keep improving my lifestyle, my fitness. A fit body is never a bad thing, no?

[hilmihisham]

[hilmihisham]

#100: "It should be for things much better than this but oh well.."

Yea, #100 looks like a good number for a good content - I thought maybe like a round-up thoughts about everything that's been going on with my life back in LA, but one thing leads up to another and I've been out from university for about 2 1/2 years now and so, the post also been overdue for 2 1/2 years now. I might still do that post someday, or time will made me forgot most of the stuff and thoughts about my life during those time and that post won't happen - only time will tell haha.. what a bad writer am I lol

..and so, this is #100.

The date is 5th June 2021, it's almost a week after we had a total lockdown (again) due to you-know-what thingy, and yeah, I wasn't feeling very good. Or that's how I think I am currently.

I dunno, it's probably one small thing stacking onto another, leading up for it to be a pile of things, and before you know it, it just sort of happen. The off feeling is just there without I realizing it.

I feel off. Mentally tired, I guess. When I sit back after having this feeling and start to trace back what is going on in my head currently that I thought "yea, that's probably it".

This MCO feels like going on for forever that I already forgot when's the last time I've been out basking the sunlight and the heat it radiates. I know it's not that long since I've been out from my room and house, but it feels like so long ago.

And other stuff too. Stuff after stuff keeps happening one after another during this weird time that my brain just simply said "ugh, no more" and kicking itself into tiredness without any input from my own sense. Well, now that I had sit down and tracing back all that is happening, all these stuff, nothing happens to me personally, nothing hitting on me personally; but that too is a problem I guess - nothing really happening to me. Nothing bad, nothing good. If I were to draw a chart to evaluate any stuff happening over time for me, I think it was a solid flat line. Nothing, nada, zero. And that's probably quite bad for a human, no? Well, nothing happens is better than something bad happens, but human can't never be satisfied with nothing, no? haha

Like I said before, things do happens but it's not directly onto me per se. It happens somewhere close by, someone close to me, something related to me from afar, something connected to me from a different time. I dunno how to describe it proper but those things does have connection back to me, either broadband or narrowband, wired or wireless. Y'know, when you heard of all this thing happens, you'd go something like "oh wow, hopefully everything's alright to you" or "ahh, so sorry to hear that" or something similar to that effect. But one thing onto another and another thing onto another and it starts to drain you without you realizing it.

"Things happen to others does hurts you in one way or another too."

I guess that sentence sums up quite good on the situation.

And the way I live my life during this stay-at-home period probably wasn't helping me either. Yeah, it's good that I got to stay and work from home for the most of this MCO time since way from the beginning of it, but I might need to do better about it. Very lazy routine I had during these time - wake up, work, nap a bit, off work, food, internet, sleep, and repeat - that's probably not good at all. Lacking way too much exercise, probably not good for my health too, I suppose.

To be honest, I've been hit with creativity block too before this day happen. At one point before, I've had a very big urge to do something creatively, be it writing or drawing or coding or anything but I just sort of lost and can't get anything to start. Not even starting that step zero. I've said before many years ago: content creation is a part of my life, but a side of me just went "yeah, let's go, let's do something, anything" and the other side simply "uhh, what?". It just couldn't happen.

But to inject something positive into this dark post, I finally got something going again. Well, at least I've started writing again, writing this, so at least something of me had past step zero - matter none how big or small that leap is. I guess it's all thanks to all the books that I have in my mini library. I just simply open that bookshelf door one day, get a chair and seated myself in front of it, grab an unfinished book and start reading again. It feels good, it feels something had come in to me again. Maybe that something into me had got me to give out something again in the form of this writing. I dunno. But, that's one good thing or one step towards a better lockdown life of mine.

For towards a better future me, I better start exercising again, I guess. Not that I'm an exercise kinda character before, but it's totally off now for me. I guess the ratio for physical to mental tiredness is probably at 0:100 right now, and that's not a good thing at all. Even I know that. Gotta start somewhere, slowly. Gotta find one way or another to make it happens, so let's see how it goes.

Or I probably just need a ray of sunshine. No, literally, sunlight.

Well, as to end this very dark post (writing after a long time), I hope that everyone reading this (dark me: who read anything I write anyway haha) have a good day, no matter where you are. It's a tough time for all of us, I've succumbed into it as you can see from this text, but hopefully it doesn't happen to you. Take a good care of your mental, your body, your health. "Stay at home and stay safe" is a cliché phrase, but just live on with it for a bit longer, I guess.

May Allah bless.

[hilmihisham]

#99: #MambaForever

27 January 2020, shocking day, sad day.

It was a surprising day to begin with, really. “There’s a helicopter crash in California, and Kobe Bryant was among the casualties”, that’s literally what I woke up to this morning. The TV was in front of me, and the news of it was showing right as I wake up as if someone had put it on cue. 

I was shocked.

Not just about the news, but together with the vibe that I got around it. It was only yesterday that Lakers had played a game and I thought, why not wear the Lakers jersey for today. So I put on the classic yellow Lakers kit that I’ve gotten back when I went to one of the home game at Staples Center, with Bryant No. 8 nameset at the back. Such memories of me being in LA, being in the arena, watching the game, watching the team - it’s all coming back to me as I wore it for that whole day. 

..and the day after that, this news came up. That same guy that his name and number was printed on the back of the jersey, has gone.

It was a sad day. 

It was just a short 3 and a half year of my life, but I’ve been there in LA. I’ve lived there in LA. I had my life there in LA. From my friends, from the guys playing basketball and shooting the hoops, from the people all around me, I knew what a man named Kobe Bryant meant for this town, for all the people in this town. 

He is the man, he is the legend, he is the GOAT, he is the guy that we look up to. 

I’ve been there when the team is at its worst, but everyone behind the team never stop chanting “Kobe” - no matter when he’s in his A-game or when he’s not. 

It was a sad day.

I grew up watching NBA on repeat telecast back when 8TV was showing some of the Houston Rockets and Yao Ming’s matches. That’s the first time I saw the glimpse of Kobe. After that, when I got my hands on NBA 2K game for the first time, Kobe was the first player that I searched for. At that point, Kobe is the player that I sticked to. Any matches that I played on that v’game, Kobe must be on my starting five.

Then, when I finally had my chance to continue my studies in US, Kobe and the Lakers was the one and only reason why I choose to be enrolled in CSUN. Los Angeles was my one and only destination, and Kobe and Lakers made me to.

It was a sad day.

I never watched him played live in front of my eyes - I went to Staples several time for Lakers but it was unfortunate that I never got the chance to see him in action live.

But nevertheless, Kobe have a part in my life.

Thank you for the championships, thank you for all your hard work, thank you for the inspiration that you gave us all, thank you for the mentality that you had instilled to us, and all the GOAT moment that you have showered to us, time and time again.

Thank you for the 81-points game, the three-peat and two-peat of championships, beating the Celtics (in The Finals too, nonetheless. That sure feels good), all your All Star Game appearance and the show that you bring into that annual game, the night when you had torn your Achilles but still made the 2 free throws heroic-ly, all the games when you came back after all the injuries that you had, and finally, thank you for the unforgettable 60-points farewell game on that #MambaDay. 

For #8 and #24.

The Mamba Mentality lives on.

Kobe will lives on in our hearts forever.

..and I will keep shouting “Kobe” everytime I threw into a rubbish can.

[hilmihisham]

Job well done from our lads! Tickets to Olympic Qualifiers have been secured, but first, let's get the glory on tanah air tomorrow.. (📸 (2): @malaysianhockeyconfederation) (at Stadium Hoki Bukit Jalil) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxAdSfagvkr/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ebhlxtelz8kl

[hilmihisham]

What a night not to forget.. Good showing from our lads, 1-0 home victory for Selangor, and an honor to meet with our FA President, Raja Muda Selangor Tengku Amir Shah.. All thanks to this mate --> @aeidraqi #SelangorSampaiMati #SELvTFC (at Stadium Shah Alam) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvoc6g2ASd6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1sbt6kv0qb9pz

[hilmihisham]

Haven't posted anything here for months so yeah, here's a random cat.. (at Petaling Jaya, Malaysia) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvbr-blAybF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16pkik92uba74

[hilmihisham]

Found a nosebleed seat due to the rain forcing us to take cover under the whatever roof available.. #SelangorSampaiMati #akuturunstadium (at Stadium Shah Alam) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtgL32Xgojt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p136yo1qddbp

[hilmihisham]

[hilmihisham]

2019 resolution: not going to school!

[hilmihisham]

Of past and present arts, two museums in a day, and enjoying everything in between. --- (p/s: I might seem not appreciating but Van Gogh was literally 👍👍) & (Unpopular opinion: Minerva >>> Venus) (at Getty Museum & The Broad, Los Angeles) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrvdwU-ANzn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1df7n6wtl38w9

[hilmihisham]

Of unusual finals week, and usual no commencement on Fall Semester, but I'm finally graduated! (I think, 'coz full results ain't there yet, my degree will only out next year, and getting that paper reaching me in Malaysia is anyone guess..) Ok. (at California State University, Northridge) https://www.instagram.com/p/Brq51ePAi2C/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ohtft5m94gah

[hilmihisham]

Not bad for my first try on barista-ing, no? 🤔 (Seems like a latte but it's actually a cappuccino, or halfway to that, at least hahaha..)

[hilmihisham]

#98: Building bridges is mendokusai, and expectation is a scary thing

*mendokusai / 面倒くさい : bothersome; tiresome; bother to do.

I am quite a loner..

..or at least, that’s how I kinda lived my life for the past 3-4 years. Well, it’s not like I choose this kinda life specifically, but it just sort of happened, so..

(I do have friends, ok.)

Anyway, that’s not the whole point. Building bridges, building connections is important if you wanna survive that outside world after you finished your education and finally moving out to the real world. Not that all these years living your life in school or campus is superficial per se, but sometimes, it didn’t properly reflect what you gonna bump into when you finally graduated and being released into the society.

For example, you don’t do anything after being assigned a group projects or assignment or whatever group thingy, your professor didn’t bother much about what happened in the group, and at the end of the day you will get A regardless, so why bother, right? I mean, it might seem like a free ticket to get a free A grade without much work, and yeah, you might get away with that in school, but for sure the same can’t be said when you finally in the working force. Getting fired will seem like a simple solution for the higher-ups, and if they were being lenient enough, you’ll probably get marked by them as someone not worthy to keep when something happens to the company in the future.

After all, you are nothing special that the company will keep you after what you have done (or haven’t done, in this case..)

As for me, you’ll just burning bridge between us at some point in the duration of the project.. In a harsher way of saying this, I couldn’t care less if you were to die before the day of the project is finished, you do nothing anyway..

(p/s: my fyp team..)

Wait, I’ve gone too far off.

Building connections is important in life. That’s how you will survive. But at the same time, it’s mendokusai. (..and there goes all my points plummeted to the void haha)

Haha it’s not like I don’t wanna any friend---

---at this point of typing, I don’t even know why I’m typing this. No, seriously, my thoughts have gone lol

Let’s gostan a lil’ bit, shall we?

I guess, shit happened during my fyp made me wary a bit about being in group projects.. For the most part, I do feel confident winging most of the school projects by myself and be fine with it. And it’s not all sour in my fyp group either. I can be a team player, I think.. It’s only 2 of us that do the whole work, but it does feel like a big group based on the amount of inputs both of us had gave into the project. And I learned a lot too from the whole shenanigans, apart from the obvious.

So yeah, it’s not like I’m totally opposed of the idea if being in group once again, in school or outside of school. And I’m not too reserved in the idea of building connection, either..

(Wait, I’ve gone off track yet again.)

What I mean of it being mendokusai is the expectation that came along with it, I guess..

You never know how far people’s expectation of you goes, you know. Most of the time, people shove the idea that you’re skillful in this and that just because you’ve learned a part of it, when the reality is, you are not.

Maybe I’m just not good in saying “no”..

Or maybe, just git gud!

I dunno, man..

(And my train of thoughts that I have before have totally gone.. I’m not sure why I started typing this text anymore in the first place..)

I don’t have any problem showing my github to anyone.. I mean, it’s my works, it’s (almost) everything that I’ve learned so far, it’s my ability so far - it might not look good, but hey, that’s still my works, y’know..

And yeah, I’m quite comfortable in saying “yeah, those are the things that I can do.. if you got any idea, just hit me up, y’know..”

But I guess the aftermath (or things that could be) is the one where I didn’t feel really comfy about..

Maybe people would shove me some idea that I didn’t have any interest in the slightest.. or ideas that I don’t have any skills whatsoever in making it happen..

Looking back at that, maybe it never happened yet to me in the first place that I kinda got a cold feet about it..

..or maybe I just didn’t quite ready yet into the real workforce..

..or maybe, I just need to git gud..

But in real sense tho, having connections around is important. Really important.

I can’t say much about others, but as far as coding and programming goes, there’s only so much that you can learn all by yourself, that you can do all by yourself.

You can learn as much languages as you want, but without any connections, what can you do with all those knowledge and skills? What project can you come up with other than those generic “Hello World” and “To-Do List” program that you’ve seen over and over again in all those tutorial website..

Have connections all over the place. Collaborate with others.

Maybe all you can do is coding and programming, but team up with someone with expertise in accounting, for example. Who knows, you might just get that first step in building the next big accounting software or whatever..

..or people in art and make the next Photoshop..

..or with photographer and make the next VSCO..

..something like that, I guess.

..and I guess, to hell with all those worrying thoughts of building bridges is mendokusai and expectation is a scary thing.

Time is there when you look for it hard enough (there’s always extra time when you cut down sleep, y’know haha), distance is just a number (and there’s always internet), and skills is not something you are born with.

Git gud!

(..and my brain is a bit less haywire now haha..)

[hilmihisham]

Shibuya - Tokyo, Japan

[hilmihisham]

Shibuya - Tokyo, Japan

[hilmihisham]

by Extra Ordinary