historyofrobots

[historyofrobots]

licensed from @morggo

[historyofrobots]

I'm coming to realize how vital it is to keep a running list of shit you did in the past few weeks so that you can participate in small talk. It's literally not anything to do with them being interesting at all it's just having Something to say to give people even the barest thing to hold on to. It's so you don't get into the "what have you been up to" "nothing much what about you" "yeah same" trap. Literally just say something.

What have you been up to? Um well it's getting warmer so I've been having to brush my cat every day.

Like no it's not that interesting of a thing to say. But now they can respond to it. They could say, man yeah it really is heating up, I've been trying to think of things to do inside more often. Or, oh you have a cat? What's their name?

Like. It's Something. All you need is Something. And if you're like me and your brain immediately goes blank upon entering small talk then keeping a list will help you remember things to say.

[historyofrobots]

yknow the story of odysseus tricking polyphemus by giving him a fake name and then blinding him is great, but i think a lot of people really sleep on the hilarious fact that, after odysseus reveals his name to polyphemus and polyphemus remembers the prophecy that a man named odysseus would blind him, polyphemus is like “WOW when i heard that prophecy i thought odysseus was going to be tall and sexy and strong but turns out you’re just short and an asshole”

[historyofrobots]

One kind of funny thing about Tumblr culture is that it's a universally unspoken rule that if you meet another tumblr user irl and you don't know them super well it's a little odd to ask for their Tumblr, even though youd do that with pretty much any other social platform. Like I was chatting with this person in one of my classes and they were like "oh yeah I have tumblr!" And I was like "oh cool me too!" Then we both just paused for a second, and just. Moved on with the conversation without asking for each other's Tumblr cuz You Don't Do That?? Your tumblr is a personal place. You dont share that shit with strangers. And tbh?? I love that

[historyofrobots]

“But they forget”

[historyofrobots]

LET me on the bed i promise i wont lay on top of you and squish u under my big dog weight please ple please please let me up i promise i'll lay only on a fair amount of bed for me and not take up all the space :3 please pleas (lying)

[historyofrobots]

it’s only been two series :(

[historyofrobots]

when I was a kid I read a sci-fi story where some researcher discovers that all crocodiles since prehistory have had the same congenital heart defect, so they set about curing it. when they do, suddenly their research specimen starts getting stronger and healthier and growing rapidly and developing new appendages, and it turns out all crocodilians were actually stunted sickly forms of dragons. that story really stuck with me because it's basically an expression of the "what if I went to the doctor and they discovered I was deficient in one special vitamin and then I took a pill and all my problems and ailments vanished immediately" fantasy.

unrelated, I started taking daily antihistamines this month for the first time in my life,

[historyofrobots]

i miss vhs tapes and cds i miss feeding my computers and tvs yummy treats. now theyre eating nothing. theyre being born without mouths

[historyofrobots]

[historyofrobots]

fuck terry pulling no punches in this one

[historyofrobots]

[historyofrobots]

thirteen: hey just popped in to tell you you're tearing apart reality btw. you're gonna destroy the world and also us

fifteen, not taking in a single word: god so true bestie i DO miss being blonde

[historyofrobots]

so I’m filling out pediatrician intake forms for my newborn son and I get to the demographic section and I was already chuckling about putting a marital status…

yes hello my 3 day old son responds to only Old English, thank you

[historyofrobots]

I love a woman with a loud ass laugh. I love a cackle. I love a guffaw. Love when a bitch laughs so hard it scares the dog. Be unapologetic in your joy.

[historyofrobots]

So I have a question for my followers: are there any conspiracy theories you’re 100% convinced are real

[historyofrobots]

well i guess im not allowed back at the shooting range because the woke dipshits that own the place kept getting complaints that it was "concerning" and "uncomfortable" when i would tape a poster-sized photograph of my own face onto the target and land every single shot perfectly between the eyes