hmchronicles-blog

[hmchronicles-blog]

Shit My Coworkers Say: "He's the Dark Knight!"

I'm pretty sure every office has that maintenance dude you cant ever find. Heres what OT has to say about ours:

HM: so i had a spazz out moment

cuz maintenance showed up today

after everything that i needed done by FRIDAY was done YESTERDAY since he didnt do it

OT: nice lol

HM: i just stared at him on some "are you seriously here a day AFTER i need shit done" lol

OT: hahahahah well by now, haven't you developed a system of giving him an earlier deadline

so it gets done on the day its supposed to?

HM: but i did that. i needed it by monday....

he never came. AND i told him a week ahead of timetoo

lol

OT: oh damn

HM: so now my system is broken

OT: damn

Sent at 10:30 AM on Tuesday

HM: funniest thing is he disappeared 3 minutes later after moving a water cooler

thats it

lol

OT: nice

he's batman

ima get him a t-shirt

HM: LOL!!!

OT: seriously

we can never find him

but when we really need him he shows up, even if its at the last minute when you think things are going to shit

then he fixes it and disappears

he is the dark knight

HM: LMFAO <3 omg omg

[hmchronicles-blog]

Chronicle 4: My Day Today

Someone just asked me, if possible, to summarize my day at work in a picture. So I showed him this:

Yes, this is what I've been doing today. Spazzing the eff out because people keep asking me to do 900 different things and theres only one of me and I cant do it all before 5pm. And I NEED to leave at 5pm because why? IM GOING TO SEE BATMAN TONIGHT!!!

[hmchronicles-blog]

Chronicle 3: High Client?

So, today I'm convinced one of my clients is high. see, the thing is usually, hes a super calm and collected tutor. really chill, laid back, but uber professional. Essential, he looks like this:

But today? Today he must be on something serious. He keeps running up to me in random locations signing we are young to the tune of fuck this shit. What does that mean do you ask? Well, Today he looks like this:

Literally, wiggles and sings. Most hilarious thing ever. Except its 100% not in his character, so I assume hes High. Oh what a day! Maybe he has a case of the Fridays a day early?!

Signing off

-HM

[hmchronicles-blog]

First World Problems: Fire Alarms

So today the fire alarm went off in my office and I'm telling a good friend about it. Keep in mind, hes in Afghanistan or some country on the otherside of the world at the moment. Here's how that conversation went:

HM: not so funny moment, how the fire alarms just went off on their own. no warning not cute Cute Green Eyed Friend: today...we heard bombs exploding & gunshots out of nowhere no warning not cute

#firstworldproblems

[hmchronicles-blog]

Shit My Coworkers Say: "Pre-Teen Water Drip".

OT: there is water pouring from the ceiling

      in this woman's office

      i quit life

HM: LMFAO

      i die

      thats ridic

      its on 6th or 7th

OT: 6th

       she came running out of the office screaming for maintenance

       disappeared into the kitchen

HM: so its something of ours leaking?

OT: then they both came running out

HM: greaaat

OT: Then maintenance came running up the stairs

      then came back down with a trash bin

HM: is it like a huge leak or like a baby leak

OT: i haven't had a chance to ask where the water is coming from

HM: like a mini little drip?

OT: its probably pre-teen

HM: cuz i hate when tenants spazz about baby leaks

      i wonder if its coming from the HVac unit? lol

OT: her computer is drenched. thats what i was thinking

      why is this place a zoo?

      why?

HM: oh crap lol

OT: lol

      yeah it was from the ac guy

      according to Maintenance it was indeed pretty bad

      he is so cute

      i wanna just give him hugs

HM: fucking AC dude

      they always mess stuff up

      at least maintenance was there

      when that happens here? im up shits creak with no paddle

[hmchronicles-blog]

Shit My Coworkers Say: "We're Elves!"

Funny Conversation between my office Twin  and I (from here on out referred to as OT until I'm inspired by a better name).

OT: LOL outgoing mail...

do you know anything about that for here?

do you think the other manager just used to take it?

HM: yeah i think she took it BUTT

you can also hand it to the mailman

when he drops mail off

OT: AH!there we go!

HM: ive trained my mailman to know to just take the shit now lol

if you get him/her used to just picking up at your desk, you never need to

worry about it

and then ur tenants there will know what to do

lol

i wonder how well interviews went (or didnt)

OT: this woman just told me the old manager would take it and it would magically

disappear

and i was like "I understand"

we are elves!

i hope our owner found good new elves lol

HM: LMFAO (at this point, I've quoted her and made it my GChat Status)

OT: YES i am quote worthy! lol

HM: lol it was hilarious.

[hmchronicles-blog]

Chronicle 2: The Angry French Man

So, at this rate, you probably think I work for the French Embassy since all I do is write about angry french people. I promise you, I absolutely do not. Also, no offense to French people, many are sweet I promise, I just keep having bad experiences with them!! Here's an [Edited] email discussion about Mail that happened between myself and my non listening French man.

I'll preface by saying that one of my many jobs is to sort mail for 170 companies. So clearly at times I will make mistakes. I'm human. I reached out to his coworker to ask about their mailbox and never received a reply. Two months later, this email train happens:

On Tue, Jul 17, 2012 at 9:30 AM, Angry French Man wrote:

HM,

It looks like the mail issue hasn't been corrected since we spoke last week. We are still receiving somebody else mail and did not receive any mail for a few weeks now.

We need this to be fixed immediately has we may have some critical mails that we are missing.

Please let {assistant name removed} know when you retrieve our mail.

Thanks Angry French Man

From: Angry French Man’s assistant Sent: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 9:44 AM To: Angry French Man Cc: HM; Billing Manager (because obviously, Billing should know about this) Subject: Re: Mail issue

HM,

As a FYI we are mailbox 92.

From: HM Sent: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 10:20 AM To: Angry French Man; Angry French Man’s assistant Cc: Billing Manager (because obviously, Billing should know about this) Subject: RE: Mail issue

As I just told your assistant, I'm working on correcting the mailbox confusion. Will email you all back when its shifted properly.

Follow up Email 34 minutes later

On Tue, Jul 17, 2012 at 10:54 AM, HM wrote:

Corrected.

I still need to label your mailbox with the correct name but I've removed the incorrect name. I'm making labels today and will put it up.

From: Angry French Man Sent: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 11:09 AM To: HM Cc: Angry French Man’s assistant; Billing Manager Subject: Re: Mail issue

OK, so do we have mails that my assistant could pick up?

My Reply:

On Tue, Jul 17, 2012 at 11:58 AM, HM wrote:

Yes it is in your mailbox. As I assumed, it was sorted in a wrong mailbox number. I've corrected it.

From: Angry French Man Sent: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 12:25 PM To: HM Cc: Angry French Man’s assistant; Billing Manager Subject: Re: Mail issue

Big impact for us. This has been going on for 2 months and some mails were critical for us.

From: HM Sent: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 2:15 PM To: Angry French Man Cc: Angry French Man’s assistant; Billing Manager Subject: RE: Mail issue

Angry French Man,

Please see the attached email. I did specifically ask your assistant for some assistance but he never replied. I just wanted to make sure it was clear that since I never heard back about mail issues until most recently when I saw you and him, I had to assume I was putting mail in the correct box this whole time.

It took me a few days longer than I expected to be able to rectify it but it has been cleared up and won’t return to being an issue. The mailboxes are being relabeled this week as soon as I have a free minute to do so. Just wanted to explain in detail so that you were aware of where the delay came from.

Thanks for understanding.

Reply from Angry French Man? NONE to date.

Things of note:

The emails attached sent to the assistant were labeled as of May 2012. They were never replied to. Since then, the Assistant has contacted me and apologized, as well as confirmed that he should have brought it up sooner since I did ask him about it. He agreed that I would not have any way to know mail was in the wrong box since he never brought it up until late last week. The Angry French Man? Not so much. *sigh*. I wonder if he’ll even recognize that had his assistant just replied to my FIRST email back in MAY this issue would not have happened!  He doesn’t sound angry in the email, however read it in a French accent and read it aggravated, because that’s the voice he wrote them in.

Don’t envy my life!

[hmchronicles-blog]

This is another one of those "do you work in the same office as me?" kinds of posts. I've been there buddy. Hopefully you didnt also suffer the blue screen of death (there will be a post on this later, I'll update and include a link)

In Solidarity,

-HM

They re-configured our work emails and migrated them to a different Outlook. Not so amazing, but we’re adjusting to it. One thing it didn’t do was save all of our contacts so each day we have to input the email address of whomever in again…unless IT does something and then it saves them.

WELL…...

[hmchronicles-blog]

I enjoy this rant for multiple reasons. One being, this has happened to me before. Don't fret Angellyfish!

In Solidarity,

HM

Dear Boss,

Do not claim we have “computer literacy” problems when you switch our printers and they don’t work. Yes, we tried turning it off and on again. Yes, we tried restarting the print job under ‘Active Printers.’ Yes, we checked the drivers were up to date. Since it’s been 10 minutes and ...

[hmchronicles-blog]

Chronicle 1: The Angry French Lady

This morning, I came off the elevators at 855am needing to pee really badly, and feeling essentially like crap. So, here I am getting off the elevators, thinking about how much I miss my bed, and how much of an idiot I am for not having breakfast when BAM, the angry french lady comes flying off the elevator screaming at me asking me if I knew that the Internet has been down since 730am. Now, there's a few issues here. 1)I just came off the elevator so clearly I DON'T know but more importantly 2) why the flying fucktard are you at WORK at 730am?!

I'd like to happily report that by 930am I had the Internet back up (yes, I, as in the office manager, not the IT guy, not facilities, I brought it back up). So imagine how irked I am when after spending 30 minutes holding my pee in the server room I get to my desk and the angry french lady is back spewing BS saying that I've done nothing but roam around for 30 minutes and that the Internet still isn't working. Okay, I don't know if by now its obvious to her, but its obvious to everyone else in the lobby (who btw is using wireless) that clearly I must have been doing something because I left empty handed and came back with Cat5e wires and the Internet was up. She spends 10 minutes essentially saying I should get to work earlier because its not acceptable that she was here since 730am and the Internet was out, and that its not okay that it took me 30 minutes to get the Internet up. So what do I do? I promptly spazz out and send her back to her desk.

I should have prefaced my post by saying that I don't take kindly to people that yell without reason. I also don't take kindly to being told I should work MORE when I'm typically already in the office 8-10 hours a day (when technically, I should only be here for 7.5). I don't take lunch hours, I rarely leave my desk, and you want to complain because I was ONLY 5 minutes early?! You are a failure and need to go somewhere. I need to make a GIF about this. Seriously.

Signing off for now

-HM

Note: On 7/17/2012 Angry French Lady apologized for her behavior and remarks. You think she found this online and apologized because of it? Hilarious! either way, the apology is appreciated.

[hmchronicles-blog]

The Beginings of HM Chronicles

So today I came into work at 8:30am and was ready to walk back out the door and end my day promptly at 9:00 am. What pray tell is my position? I'm an office manager. Clearly, I work 9am to 5pm (presumably) from Mon-Friday (theoretically). Rarely do I ever do my own job, since I'm always doing everyone else's. My job title SHOULD be adult daycare/ adult sitter, but I'm not sure that would be PC enough for my business card. Anyway, this morning talking to my coworker I decided that the shit that happens to me in my office  is honestly worthy of a blog. Initially I was going to call it Rants of an Angry Office Manager, until I googled the title and found the Original Angry Office Manager. Immediately I thought "welp, there goes that idea", but, eh, fuck it, why not. Just because my idea isn't original doesn't mean it isn't just as awesome. And since the original is no longer an office manager, I figured the world needs more comedy! If you came here looking for PC terms, minimal cursing, and a quick read, move right on. My days are hectic and never ending, but to the outsider they are quite hilarious. Read on as you hear about the nutty things that happen to my coworkers and I in our separate but equal offices. Signing off (I'll have to come up with a quirky way to do this) -HM