hobbesandana-blog

[hobbesandana-blog]

Fickle.

The heart is such a fickle thing. If you look a year ago, here I was pining over the last great love of mine. Unable to think of a life without him. 

And now here I am, pining completely over a past love. Wondering how the hell in the world I have managed to exist apart from him. Desperate for us to be one again. It feels so close, like the tips of my fingers are touching something just out of reach. But that thing I’m trying to reach is broken and fractured, pulling himself back together. And here I am. Ready to wait until the day he’s come back together and hope that he sees me the way I see him. Beautiful and flawed, loving and oh so completely real. 

[hobbesandana-blog]

TJ and I are attempting a no knead bread today. #cats #catsofinstagram #catsofig #baking #bread #dough

[hobbesandana-blog]

Picking up the camera again! Started practicing with different settings and modes. Hard when your models are two diva cats or yourself but gotta make the best of it. :) More to come! . . . #wearingatanktop #mightforceyoutotakepictures #photo #photography #blackandwhitephotography #blackandwhite #canon #dslr

[hobbesandana-blog]

Sun soaking before the rain starts up. #florida #orlando #rain #somuchrain #almostmissthedrought

[hobbesandana-blog]

Notes about Paris.

The food was not as impressive as expected.

Paris in August is kind of suck - everyone is right when they say the city will be empty and most things will be closed.

Versailles is a shit show even if you reserve a spot.

The Louvre is one of the most incredible things you’ll ever see.

Restaurants are pretty confusing.

The French are forgiving about you being and English speaker but sure are stank about it. They also don��t try to speak slowly if you’re even attempting to speak French.

Notre Dame is beautiful.

The city is so old and pretty but after a few days of walking in it, a French mentality sets in and you’re very unimpressed with it.

It’s cold.

The metro is very easy.

The Eiffel Tower is better seen from a distance - there are so many people trying to make you buy shitty souvenirs.

I can’t stress how unimpressive the food was.

It’s so hard to find water!!!!

Finding a bathroom when you’re not in a museum or restaurant is impossible and you end up buying a drink at a cafe just to use the toilet.

This all sounds very negative, but I want to capture how I feel about it before I reflect more and possibly change my opinion (as I did about San Francisco).

[hobbesandana-blog]

Bitter.

I hate that all I can think about after packing for my trip, the one where I want to say goodbye to you and extract you from my daily thoughts, is falling asleep on you while we flew home from Colorado. Fond memories of you still hurt me, 5 months later, and it fucking sucks. And I hate that part of me wants to share this with you. There’s someone out there in the world that is better suited for me to share this with and I’m so frustrated that I still want it to be you. 

[hobbesandana-blog]

Fresh.

I’m starting this blog the day before I fly to Europe for the first time. I have no idea if I will keep it up, I hope that I do, but I wanted somewhere I could write about how I feel while I’m there. I want to write about my world expanding, my view broadening, and my hope of letting go of the god awful year I’ve had behind me. 

I want to let go of a certain person, someone that destroyed my heart and wrecked me as a person. Someone that, in my heart of hearts I still love so very much but I know I’ll never be able to forgive for what he did to me. Someone who has cast me aside and decided I’m not worth their time, their effort, or any of it. Someone who found me easily replaceable and no longer speaks to me, even though I am their “best friend” and no one, even their new SO, understands them like I do.

They are not worth my time, my thoughts, my fitful sleep, my longing, my future, or any space within my heart. 

So here’s to letting go of all of that. Here’s to taking a step toward living my dream of going to Europe (if only for 2 weeks), and here’s to traveling with wonderful, awesome friends who see my value even in my darkest days.