homobloquy

[homobloquy]

the thing that bothers me the most about contemporary ace communities—which aren't just online anymore, and have pervaded LGBT spaces ime—is that these people take an ironically extremely reductive view on sex and sexuality that should be at odds to their cause. i used to identify as ace and i still fit what i think is the most classic and staunch definition of asexuality, having zero interest in the physical act of sex. i stopped identifying with the community though because instead of understanding or even truly caring about the way society views/weaponizes sexuality as a colonial tool of cisheteropatriarchy, white supremacy, ableism, etc etc etc it's just been reduced to pointless identity wank. ohhh you only want to fuck on wednesdays and on weekends but not when you're on your period and only with someone you've known for at least a year unless you really really like them before that, well you might just be ace! visibly disabled? ace. not white? well you're probably ace too, especially if you get too dangerously close to miscegenating the population—and that still won't stop the community from sexualizing you either. this isn't just "acecourse is still around in 2025" like there is a deeply rooted problem in how we have allowed a community founded by cishet homophobes, eugenicists, and radfems to cloak their bigotry in progressivism, how this is a tangible reflection of western society's political reactionism. the modern conception of asexuality and its widespread acceptance has enabled genuinely so much more tangible harm than good for ace and LGBT people and so tbh i'm glad you talk about it.

yes thank you!! it’s such a downgrade from “sex is an extremely personal thing and everyone has a unique relationship with it” to now just like.. you’re either ace or allo that’s it! it’s a binary! and i find it so so reductive and unhelpful to try to expand that binary to fit every conceivable variation inbetween instead of just doing away with it entirely and accepting that everyone has a different relationship with sexuality which doesn’t need a specific label for you to cram yourself into and expand to meet your personal feelings. there’s a reason sexuality is just meant to cover WHO you’re attracted to rather than the minute details of your attraction/sexual habits. the idea that everything needs a label and a flag has divided the lgbt community to the point that i think everyone’s kind of lost the plot

[homobloquy]

it is so wildly annoying and frankly arrogant to assume that if a gender non-conforming cis person doesn't publicly ""officially"" come out on the internet, it means they haven't figured out their own identity yet and you have "figured it out" before them. wild take but maybe they're completely cisgender and know themselves just fine and just don't conform to your rigid standards of what you think gender has to look like

and on the other hand, if they ARE indeed trans, I guarantee you it's because they want to do things on their own time because that's a real person with real feelings who definitely doesn't appreciate a hoard of faceless strangers on the internet smugly telling them that WE know you better than YOU do, actually, come out on OUR terms thanks

[homobloquy]

hey real quick can you explain to me how i prove to the guy following me down the street yelling “tranny” that i’m not a trans woman in a way that safely resolves the situation

yesss transmisogyny really does affect all transgender people equally you're so right. it does suck when it happens i suppose but luckily all of us can prove we aren't transgender women when we are targeted by transmisogynistic violence, right? its really fortunate that all transgender people have that option.

[homobloquy]

so this is an insanely offensive statement for plenty of reasons (accusing all lesbians who prefer to date other lesbians of being sexists and liars, for one) but also just. this argument does not hold up to ANY scrutiny because plenty of lesbians date other lesbians who have slept with men before. like did you forget about comphet. 

making it about penis corruption* and sexism is also crazy because there are gay men who only date other gay men, so either you think men can be gay4gay and it’s fine or you think those gay men widely believe in an equivalent concept of being tainted by having slept with a woman. & as a guy who’d only date another gay guy, it literally would not cross my mind to be uncomfortable dating/fucking someone who had been through comphet.

it is literally no deeper than the fact that people often want to date people whose important identities and experiences overlap with theirs. a pretty decent number of people won’t date with huge age gaps in part bc theyre at different points in their lives w very different priorities and can’t relate to one another. that isnt a declaration that anyone above the age of 45 is a disgusting freak forever scarred by the evils of human aging. it’s preference. you can be open to that or not and it literally does not matter. you should be asking why you feel entitled to be part of someone’s dating pool.

I think every lesbian who says she wouldn't date a bi woman is functionally on the same wavelength as men who say they would only marry a virgin

[homobloquy]

These are, for the most part, the same people who go on and on about sex being just like any other activity, about sex not being any more special or intimate than platonic affection, and about everyone else being the real puritans or whatever for ascribing so much importance to sex. Plus the “kink isn’t actually sexual” and “not all sex is even sexual” shit.

And it’s like alright… so sex isn’t a big deal, and it’s also not a big deal to have sex you don’t want or don’t feel like having, and it’s fine and normal if it feels more like a chore or if you’re just satisfying your partner rather than actually getting anything out of it yourself. And it isn’t even really sex, stop being allonormative, it’s not much different than holding hands or giving a massage.

Do you hear how that sounds? You literally sound like a sexual predator. Why the fuck are we letting people normalize this?

Having actually been through comphet (and mercifully not really exposed to this shit at that time in my life) I’m so fucking grateful that I didn’t prolong my own suffering or put myself through any worse than I already did due to these fucking people saying that it’s fine and normal to date and have sex with someone you’re not actually attracted to. It really does fuck you up to constantly tell yourself “no, this is fine, I’m having a good time, yeah I’m not getting anything out of letting this person have access to my body and intimate knowledge about me but this is what a Good Partner does and it’s not a big deal anyway.” So for someone to have those thoughts reinforced as fucking pro-ace praxis? You are fucking people up in ways that will take god knows how long to untangle.

i feel like too many people on here don’t rlly Get how hard and traumatizing it can be to force yourself to have sex that you don’t want to have, especially with someone you have no sexual attraction to. it’s not “just like doing a chore” and i think if you’ve actually done that or tried to do it, you’d understand how unnatural and sickening it feels. it just irks me so bad how nonchalant people are about saying “you don’t have to be attracted to someone to have sex with them” because like .. yeah strictly speaking i guess not? like objectively that is true. but the majority of the time it’s a sentiment used against lesbians and a means to reinforce compulsive heterosexuality and it disregards how traumatizing that can be later down the line, and how damaging it is to your personal idea of sex. instead of like, the groundbreaking sexual liberation people seem to think it is

[homobloquy]

i did finally block that freak after they started tagging random gay people in the replies of shit i’ve reblogged and calling them sensitive crybabies for telling people to quit saying homophobic shit. you can’t be doing that bisexual baby

[homobloquy]

People on Tumblr love to subvert something that is already subverted and wind up with the normal thing again.

[homobloquy]

most well-adjusted psych major

“you can want to fuck someone without being sexually attracted to them” sexual attraction = wanting to fuck them, so this is a crazy sentiment on the face of it, but the explanations these people give dig them so much deeper

“oh i don’t actually want to have sex with them i’m just using them as a sex object” THATS NOT BETTER

“it’s like masturbating, just with a person” THAT’S! NOT BETTER!

“it’s like if a gay man had sex with a woman! which is also fine!” DO YOU HEAR YOURSELVES

[homobloquy]

i do really enjoy people in my notes/asks/etc insisting that i’m strawmanning & nobody ever says any of this and then proceeding to say “and also [almost word for word what my hypothetical asexual said]!!!” girl did you hit your head in the middle of writing that

“you can want to fuck someone without being sexually attracted to them” sexual attraction = wanting to fuck them, so this is a crazy sentiment on the face of it, but the explanations these people give dig them so much deeper

“oh i don’t actually want to have sex with them i’m just using them as a sex object” THATS NOT BETTER

“it’s like masturbating, just with a person” THAT’S! NOT BETTER!

“it’s like if a gay man had sex with a woman! which is also fine!” DO YOU HEAR YOURSELVES

[homobloquy]

why have so many lgbt-centric terms lost their meaning. words like twink/bear/etc., that were made up specifically to describe gay mens body types? its abt attitude, not appearances, now. top/bottom? its abt vibes. butch/femme? whatever u want it to mean, sister. u can b an afab trans woman. u can b a man and a lesbian. whatever allows u to reclaim more slurs. nothing matters anymore. it drives me insaneee

[homobloquy]

everyone under the ace and aro umbrella belongs. You can't take the qia out of lgbtqia just cause you don't like it. Aces and aros and everyone under the umbrella has fought hard to have a place in the community. Deal with it or get off tumblr aphobe

oh believe me i know you people had to fight your way in. no reminder needed

[homobloquy]

Separate post bc I didn’t wanna derail, but this is related to the egg/forcefem post I reblogged earlier.

It’s just… so bizarre to me that so many people have happily defaulted back to “men don’t wear/do/think x, only women do x, so any man that does x must not be a real man.” Men don’t dress femininely, men don’t behave like this or that, men aren’t in touch with certain emotions, men don’t care about their appearance, men don’t experience their sexuality in this or that way.

As much as I hate a lot of how the LGBT community tends to think and talk about gender/labels/identity nowadays, I do think identity ≠ expression is a pretty reasonable and concise way of expressing the idea that you don’t have to perform complete masculinity to be a real man or complete femininity to be a real woman.

Like. I do have an idea of some of the reasons this is happening (and that’s probably its own post) but I just think the rabid defense of someone’s right to insist that someone’s too fem to be a real man and should therefore abandon their present sex at the request of tumblr user sissyfetishforcefemmer69 is absurd.

I did appreciate the post I rb’ed and people’s tags acknowledging that the consequences of insisting you know better than someone about their own gender are, among other things, making actual trans women uncomfortable in the process and taking away their agency wrt how they publicly identify (and I’d imagine potentially messing with their private perception of their gender as well, if they’re still in the process of figuring that out).

I find it funny that in these discussions about the egg/forcefem stuff (broadly, not on that post specifically— op and her friend in the rb are trans women discussing op’s own experience with this shit, hence me not really wanting to derail the original post) people will go on and on about “oh, boohoo, was the cis man made uncomfortable by the suggestion he’s a woman?? is that the worst thing someone can be, a woman??” without seeming to remember that there do happen to be transgender men as well. I want to articulate this properly because, to be clear, I think it’s disgusting and an incredibly brazen show of entitlement to insist that a cis man doesn’t know his own gender as well as the resident egg expert with their keen eye for subtle tells of womanhood like wearing a dress or having long hair or experiencing emotions. It’s nasty regardless of who you’re doing it to (and neglects to acknowledge that definitively-cis people can and frequently do have strong connections with and understandings of their own genders). But I just think it’s a little funny that for all of the arguments in favor of the egg cracking shit on the basis that it helps trans people, these people seem to forget that you are inherently going to be denying the identities of actual trans people when you keep doing this shit. (Of course, part of why this doesn’t occur to the people who do this is a willful ignorance of the existence of passing trans men, especially ones who might dress fem or whatever. That gets treated as a hypothetical, because surely they could just tell.)

And I think a lot of posts and comments expressing the same ideas as I have fall short of actually understanding the problem? Both in people’s tags on that post and reddit comments after it broke containment, people kept referencing the “egg prime directive” thing of letting someone figure out their identity on their own time rather than imposing one on them based on your suspicion that they’re trans. But it all still has the undercurrent of “of course sometimes you can really just tell, of course some people are just so obviously a woman, we have to let them come to the realization that we know they will come to in their own time.”

And it’s like… maybe you’re sparing them from your nasty gender-essentialist predictions about their identity, which I guess is something, but do you really think it’s that much better to seriously be convinced that you know someone else’s gender better than they do? Do you really think that you can read the tea leaves like that? Pick up on the distinctive evidence of womanhood that is being too nice and wearing a skirt? Do you think it helps or hurts your understanding of gender as a whole to boil it down to something you can spot in someone else based on little clues? Do you think you might be treating them like an idiot by deciding that your interpretation of their comfort with their sex (based on, at most, some vulnerable detail about their relationship with their body or comfort with clothing that they made the mistake of sharing with you) is more meaningful and more correct than their own?

[homobloquy]

you resisted the forcefemmification beams for too long

Nope. Completely incorrect and wrong.

This is a decision that I made for myself. I made this choice because it's who I want to be. Not because someone else wanted me to for their own pleasure.

[homobloquy]

i fear the battle is lost at this point but i still flinch every time i see "gay panic" used as a cute positive phrase. Like let's go on say wikipedia.org for a second and try typing that one in folks

[homobloquy]

People are literally already saying that couples having a top and bottom/masc and fem(me)/any adjacent kind of pairing are “emulating heterosexuality” or “reinventing gender roles.”

With the push for “kink is inherently queer!” “having a nuanced relationship with dating and fucking is queer!” “not wanting to fuck is queer!” I really struggle to see how this isn’t an effort to chase actual gay people fighting for our actual rights out of the community (in favor of a fandom-esque social club where we all sit in a circle holding hands and making friendship bracelets of whatever pride flags we’ve decided are applicable to ourselves this week).

"AFAB transfem" "bi lesbian" "trans man lesbian" yeah yeah and I bet you think that "punk" is about being nice to other people and doesn't require listening to punk music. Do words mean nothing to you heathens

[homobloquy]

god help me theyre already putting cake metaphors on my posts

[homobloquy]

saying “nobody is arguing that it’s ok to use someone as a sex object” then proceeding to argue that it’s fine to use someone as a sex object is crazy

anyway having sex with someone you’re not attracted to is not healthy for anyone involved and is not the behavior of a well-adjusted person.

also “gay men can fuck women, that’s fine, labels arent walls” words mean things and no amount of “uwu gender is fake sexuality is all vibes and you can do whatever you want forever” is going to change the fact that gay = attracted to the same gender and not attracted to the opposite gender. “oh but theyre not attracted—” see above

“you can want to fuck someone without being sexually attracted to them” sexual attraction = wanting to fuck them, so this is a crazy sentiment on the face of it, but the explanations these people give dig them so much deeper

“oh i don’t actually want to have sex with them i’m just using them as a sex object” THATS NOT BETTER

“it’s like masturbating, just with a person” THAT’S! NOT BETTER!

“it’s like if a gay man had sex with a woman! which is also fine!” DO YOU HEAR YOURSELVES