homosexualangelinthesky - Tumblr blog

[homosexualangelinthesky]

Cuddling. don’t mind the claws of the beast

[homosexualangelinthesky]

[homosexualangelinthesky]

love it when my friends say "you would do numbers on Tumblr" buddy I am on Tumblr. and the number is 3

[homosexualangelinthesky]

does anyone have that video where toby fox is giving a speech in japanese about video games n when he says the “project” part of “touhou project” he briefly drops into the strongest american accent I’ve ever heard n then immediately switches back to perfect japanese pronunciation. been thinking about it all day

[homosexualangelinthesky]

search WITHIN your local trash and you WILL find a friend and boy 

[homosexualangelinthesky]

[homosexualangelinthesky]

He loves club life

[homosexualangelinthesky]

[homosexualangelinthesky]

Melting aluminum with an electromagnet.

[homosexualangelinthesky]

Meme news: The Brazilian actress Renata Sorrah came out as bisexual at the age of 76

That's her, btw

She's an icon and also very talented. We Stan.

[homosexualangelinthesky]

this is my daughter now

[homosexualangelinthesky]

[homosexualangelinthesky]

When I was in my teens, adults used to say that young people think they're going to live forever, and it bewildered me because I thought about death - my own death, the deaths of my friends and my family and my neighbours - constantly. I was 11 when we watched 9/11 on TV. I skipped classes explaining nuclear arms treaties to go and protest the iraq war, passing myself off as the child of adult strangers to avoid the police. Later I skipped classes to walk along the cycle paths where my next door neighbour died in a dirt bike accident when he was 15, and where another kid in my year was stabbed dead over a gang dispute. One year another neighbour was murdered by her fiance with an axe during the christmas holidays. My best friend when I was 6 was born HIV+ and moved away for treatment and I never saw or heard from her again. When I was 17 I was on the bus half listening as a little kid with his mother excitably questioned an australian tourist about his country, and the two of them arranged to be pen-pals. When I was 17 and a half I read in the paper that a child had been killed by his father after his mother won full custody; in the article the mother related the anecdote about her bright, vivacious son son meeting an australian tourist on the bus and arranging to become pen-pals.

I used to think a lot about walking into heavy traffic, or jumping off bridges. It was a background hum in my head before the year I was assaulted and everything became the same hum for a few years, and then I saw a therapist and started taking anxiety medication and made the choice to put off dying young for one month at a time. I was an adult by then, in my 20s and approaching the upper limit of the time I had alloted myself. My parents' and grandparents' generations said that people in their 20s believe they are immortal. Immortality, to me, was zeno's arrow. As long as I was still alive, I was not dead yet. I still believed that it was a matter of time.

I am in my 30s now, and for the first time I am reckoning with dying old. I realise in retrospect that it was a form of self-comfort in the very worst years of my life, to think that when and where and how it ended was a choice that would be made for me before I was ready. It meant that I would never have to worry about being lonely or ugly or poor or queer, because I would die before I had to figure it out. I wouldn't have to think about saving for old age, or taking care of my health, or building a career. I didn't have to worry about finding closure for my trauma, because I would die soon and still traumatised, and all I could do in the meantime was careen through whatever life presented itself from one day to the next.

I still think a lot about the many, many kids around me whose prophecies came true. I think about the way that adults reassure themselves that they are not responsible for the reckless survival strategies of young people in desparate circumstances. I'm sure there are young people out there who have lived sheltered lives and don't recognise that they are fragile and fallible, and who truly don't hear the ever present hum of the tracks. I'm also sure that there are kids out there now who have seen peers die already, who have very little to look forward to, and who take anxious comfort in the thought that it probably won't last much longer. I think the old do a disservice to the young in pretending that all tragedies are accidents. I think the young do a disservice to the young in counting their own tragedies before they have happened. It's worth betting on your own survival, even against the odds. In my experience, that is how you beat them.

[homosexualangelinthesky]

[homosexualangelinthesky]

I used to do cross country in high school, and there was this guy on the team that was wonderful. Great guy. But his advice to everyone that asked how to get good was to run 20k a day.

If you don't run, I'll just tell you, most people's bodies cannot take that kind of abuse. No matter how much you train, you will not be able to run 20k a day. It's like how you can't train to make your cuts heal faster. You recover as fast as you recover. So while a big part of what made this guy so succesful was the dedication and mental toughness needed to actually run 20k a day, an equally big part was that he healed like fucking Wolverine. And that's fine, but it would've been nice if he knew that and stopped telling new guys to commit suicide by jogging.

Different guy on the team ran like, 5-6k a day, which actually isn't all that much. His problem when he gave advice was that he didn't really get that 5-6k a day doesn't generally produce elite results for most people. He was lucky in the sense that he didn't have to work all that hard to get great results, and unlucky in the sense that if he pushed himself much further than that, he fell apart.

I think about those two whenever I get advice from succesful people. The very things that make them outliers also make their advice useless to most people. Worse, they're often outliers on totally separate ends of the same spectrum, so their advice will be contradictory.

[homosexualangelinthesky]

Saying “the McDonalds flag at Guantanamo Bay is flown at half mast in order to honor the anniversary of 9/11” out loud and then immediately dying of a stroke