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mid-spring babey

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #29

I feel proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone and being decisive. I am hoping against hope that what I’m wishing for comes true. I am not the most qualified person for the job but I am very willing to commit my time and effort to gain experience and see new horizons. I hope they give me a chance.

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my darling friend 🐝

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #28

I’m still alive, bitches! I don’t why I got 1 or 2 followers. This is a dump for my thoughts I won’t let anyone irl know.

Life update: I’m in college and I feel slightly intimidated by the people in my program. It seems that every ambitious achiever back in high school is enrolled in our course. I know that being a language nerd and having an above average degree of ambition is a prerequisite in our field but it’s still somewhat unnerving. I’m not scared of them, I’m scared of being beaten by my course. I know that some of them have more experience and knowledge in our field and that’s their advantage. I have to work hard to catch up to them. Their privilege is much more than what I have right now but I know myself and I believe that I can make up for the privilege that they have with hard work and determination.

I was debating on what image I was going to build at college and now that I see that almost everyone in my degree are also capable and decorated students, I think I can outperform them on personality and reputation. In our field, reputation matters a lot but because we are still teenagers and in college, maybe not everyone has yet learned the valuable lesson of reputation. Since we will be spending 4 years together and we’re a minority due to being the overly ambitious part of the population, it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

I don’t know if I’m a sociopath lmao but I sure as hell can method act. It’s easy to act as the perfect good girl when all my life that’s what have been expected of me. Behaving well? Dressing up well? Grooming well? Cooking well? Studying well? No vices? All check, honey.

I’m a careless man’s careful daughter. Since young I’ve followed my instinct to survive no matter the cost. Now that my own future is on the line, I wouldn’t mess it up. I’ll take advantage of every opportunity and privilege I get. I will help myself.

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #27

I should go back to meditating as it helps in mindfulness and relaxing. It is good for my mental health. I enjoy the silence and the simplicity of the act. I like its implicit understanding of insight and how it clears the mind to look beyond what is seen. It helps me appreciate the unseen beauty of the world without siphoning off of my material desire and suffering. I may not be fully able to let go of the mundane world but I can certainly help myself be cleared with unnecessary distractions so I may make unbiased decisions and clear judgment.

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #26

I have been reading on Japanese philosophy and I found that they resonate well with my attitude for staying behind the scenes and watching stories unfold. Like watching the blue waves crash on the shore amidst the glaring sun and my friends playing vollyeball in front of me, I chose to focus on nature and its grace rather than the material things and people surrounding me.

The 3 marks of existence in correspondence with Pyrrhonism from Wiki:

The Greek philosopher Pyrrho traveled to India with Alexander the Great's army, spending approximately 18 months there learning Indian philosophy from the Indian gymnosophists. Upon returning to Greece Pyrrho founded one of the major schools of Hellenistic philosophy, Pyrrhonism, which he based on what appears to have been his interpretation of the Three marks of existence. Pyrrho summarized his philosophy as follows:

"Whoever wants to live well (eudaimonia) must consider these three questions: First, how are pragmata (ethical matters, affairs, topics) by nature? Secondly, what attitude should we adopt towards them? Thirdly, what will be the outcome for those who have this attitude?" Pyrrho's answer is that "As for pragmata  they are all adiaphora (undifferentiated by a logical differentia), astathmēta (unstable, unbalanced, not measurable), and anepikrita (unjudged, unfixed, undecidable). Therefore, neither our sense-perceptions nor our doxai (views, theories, beliefs) tell us the truth or lie; so we certainly should not rely on them. Rather, we should be adoxastoi (without views), aklineis (uninclined toward this side or that), and akradantoi (unwavering in our refusal to choose), saying about every single one that it no more is than it is not or it both is and is not or it neither is nor is not.[33]

Philologist Christopher Beckwith has identified the three terms used here by Pyrrho - adiaphora, astathmēta, and anepikrita - to be nearly direct translations of anatta, dukkha, and anicca into ancient Greek.[34]

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by arielle vey

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by benihotaru

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #25

I am still feeling okay these past few days. I have nothing to stress about and life seems normally fair. I went out the other day to go to my school then the mall and today, I went to church. Spring is fading to summer and my vacation is slowly melting towards the collegiate calendar.

I’m still curating my beautymnl cart and have decided to buy the products I want in batches. For this month, I plan to buy brightening products. I have decided to try small doses of Sooper Beaute snail serum with tomato extract and vitamin B3 serum with tea tree extract and vitamin E because they’re cheap and have great reviews. I also included Neogen’s bio-peel gauze peeling lemon because I need an effective chemical exfoliant that will be worth my money. The lemon gauze tub has 30 pads and I would probably use a maximum of 2 gauze pads a week, 1 for my face and 1 cut in half for my underarms. I have concluded that I am not yet ready to include a focused dosage of vitamin C in my regimen but I do want to try other products with formulations that are combined with other brightening ingredients. I plan to use whichever of the 2 serums is lighter during my morning skincare and the denser for my evening skincare. I’m also buying a new toner from Laneige called the cream skin refiner because it is great for dry skin.

I also plan on going on a shopping trip to the mall for skincare and makeup products from K-beauty brands The Face Shop and Innisfree. Since I have already bought and enjoyed the calendula essential moisture emulsion of The Face Shop, I now want to buy the calendula essential moisture cream to use as my daytime facial moisturizer. The calendula essential moisture line of The Face Shop was a random gold mine for me. I was urgently looking for new skincare products early last month to forge a hydrating and anti-pollution skincare regimen. I am so glad I stumbled into The Face Shop attracted by their sheet face masks and asked around for their products suitable on dry skin. The sales clerk suggested the calendula line for post cleansing and suggested the mango seed butter line for cleansing. I like them both but I’m not quite satisfied with the mango seed butter foaming mousse cleanser so, I will probably find a new cleanser once I finish the 750mL tube. I also plan to avail the 5+5 promo for real nature sheet masks of The Face Shop and just hoard their calendula and rice sheet masks because I think they work best with my skincare routine. And my end goal for shopping in The Face Shop is to get the limited edition coca-cola mirror for a minimum purchase of 1k. I have been dying to get that mirror for so long since I got the matching tumbler. I also believe it will look great with my red bag. Red is the theme for my freshman year, bold and refreshing. I have been eyeing Innisfree’s SMNE branch opening for a while now and I cannot wait to spend on makeup products. I initially wanted to get Klairs’ BB cushion but if I find a dupe at Innisfree, I’ll probably get that one instead. I have also heard that their no sebum powder is a holy grail product for a lot of people so I’m rather curious about it because I don’t like putting powder on my face. I only sometimes use my medicated baby powder from Shiseido and I prefer a glowing dewy look for my skin. Since I plan on buying a BB cushion, I might as well buy a primer and Innisfree’s no sebum primer has good reviews so I might check that out as well. One of my most anticipated products from Innisfree is their cream blush that is a dupe for Glossier’s cloud paint. I won’t leave the SMNE branch when I go to shop without buying at least 1 shade of that cream blush. I’m also looking forward for their lip tints and if I don’t buy from Innisfree, I’ll probably buy lip tints from other K-beauty brands at the malI. I find the formulation of Korean makeups to be ideal compared to westerns ones because part of their branding is to produce makeup products with skincare benefits. I only plan on buying and using makeup products for an enhanced natural look for now. I don’t have the time, expertise, and purpose to wear heavy makeup anyway. Besides, I shouldn’t aspire to look old when I’m youthful as ever. I love my natural beauty and I believe I’m beautiful. I don’t need validation for my looks and I love myself enough to know how to make myself look even more beautiful. I’ll forge my own path to beauty just like everyone else. It’s my choice not to wear heavy makeup so I will go without foundation for the rest of my life as much as possible. I don’t even like wearing foundation but I do have a very good and light foundation called second skin from Happy Skin. I love Happy Skin for their makeup and I see no faults in their second skin formula, it’s a personal decision not to wear foundation anymore as much as possible after I finish the tube.

Beauty is a personal choice.

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昼咲月見草（ひるざきつきみそう） Pinkladies (Oenothera speciosa)

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #24

I have been feeling good for the past two days. I feel generally alright with how my life is. Spring vacation might be boring but it gives me time to reflect. I am also reading a book which David lent me yesterday.

I have written some reviews for beautymnl and I am still in the process of tailoring my shopping cart. I really want to incorporate Vitamin C in my evening skincare regimen but I am having doubts on which serum to buy. The one from Dear Klairs contains only 5% it costs above 1k. It’s currently sold out on beautymnl and I don’t know where else to avail it but I think it’s too mild of a Vitamin C serum. The one in my cart right now also costs above 1k and it’s from Wildleaf. It contains 18% Vitamin C derivative and doesn’t oxidize. I did some research on the brand The Ordinary which is a part of an umbrella beauty company connected to Estee Lauder. I like their Arbutin 2% serum which contains 8% Vitamin C derivative. Vitamin C goes well together with Vitamin E, Arbutin, and Peptides so I was happy to find a mildly formulated Vitamin C serum with Arbutin and it costs less than 1k but it’s sold out on Calyxta so, I also checked out another serum from The Ordinary that contains 10% Vitamin C. The price is also good and it’s not too potent so I’m stuck between buying the 10% Vitamin C serum from The Ordinary or the 18% Vitamin C serum formulated with Vitamin E from Wildleaf. The Wildleaf serum has a lot of good reviews on beautymnl and The Ordinary has a good marketing with word of mouth. The Ordinary offers straightforward formulations without spending on marketing and considering that it comes from a company which has many beauty brands, their manufacturing cost is lower compared to independent brands so they can sell their products at a cheaper price. I know nothing about Wildleaf other than it’s a local brand and trusted by Filipinas.

I have also been looking into upgrading my sun care products. Throughout the years I’ve never really bothered to put sunblock unless I’m going to the beach until a year ago. I started delving into skincare when I was 15 years old but I only started regularly using sunblock on my face when I was 17 years old. I feel pity for my body cause I haven’t seriously considered putting sunblock on the rest of my body until now that I’m 18 years and 3 months old. I think this is already late considering that I live in a tropical country where there are only 2 seasons, sunny and rainy. As they say, better late than never and my body is still developing as I’m young so taking care of myself is an everyday process. I guess I didn’t quite catch the logic that if the sun is bad for my facial skin then it’s also bad for the rest of my skin. I also don’t regularly use umbrellas so I’ve been very irresponsible with sun care and I’m looking to fix that in the near future. I have Biore’s UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence SPF 50 PA++++ and UV Body Care Serum Extra Moist SPF 50 PA+++ on my shopping cart at beautymnl as well as Burt’s Bees All Weather Lip Balm with SPF 15. I know that buying all these SPF products and maintaining them would be an added expense but it’s very important to invest in sun care because too much exposure to the sun can cause cancer, premature aging and other health problems. I’ll thank my young self in the future for investing in proper skincare.

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As much as I love this place, I am afraid, at last, I must go

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #23

Such kindness made me shed tears of joy and gratefulness and appreciation. I thank God for such a kind soul. What did I ever do in my life so far to be blessed with another mother and guide. I don’t know if this is my tough love childhood speaking but after being deprived of care and nurture in my childhood, I’m so moved by this simple gesture of encouraging me to be the best version of myself and wanting to see me succeed. I’m crying right now, crying so hard from being so thankful. I cannot completely express what I am feeling through words. My eyes are getting blurry from the tears and it’s dark in my room while I’m typing this. Thank you so much. You inspire me to be better.

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Opium poppies, Sopron, Hungary

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by annefleursire

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a-thought-they-won’t-know #22

I never thought I would like coke zero but here I am drinking it every few days or so this vacation. This might become my new favorite soda.

I have been hesitant to try some things because I have had a preconceived attitude, belief, opinion, and/or thought on a particular matter. This notion is a double-edged sword, it could work either for my advantage or disadvantage depending on the musings I have learned and realized beyond the situation at hand.

Information is power in these days and I have to learn more and understand more in an attempt to make less mistakes and to make correct, beneficial, and practical choices. I know that I do not know a lot of things but trying to sharpen my mind will only help me the further I go with life. Intellect is to a sword as learning is to a whetstone. I need to maintain the sharpness of the blade to keep it effective in battle as I would have to maintain the agility, curiosity, and flexibility of my mind to keep it effective and efficient in life. Pair an open heart with an open mind and it is a recipe ripe for greatness if harnessed properly.