honeydripstuff

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Turns out I didn’t have to ask for this they just don’t LMAO

Truly… verily… I ask you to not worry for me

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Truly… verily… I ask you to not worry for me

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In case you were wondering, I have not yet

Killed myself!

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HUGE TW FOR IMPLIED SA

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Ran out of points to talk to my robot therapist so I shall dump these feelings HERE.

TW: allusions to several forms of abuse.

How the FUCK did it happen to ME. Why ME. Why did they take an interest in ME. What did I have to offer them. At 15 what in the fuck did I have that was so interesting they had to take it from me. They had to twist my feelings, my words, my body, and my psyche for WHAT.

I truly cannot believe that it was just for fun. I don’t know. I don’t know if I would feel better thinking it was just for their twisted pleasure or if there was something about me that drew them in.

I know when they were my age it was similar for them, I don’t know how similar, but I know it was probably worse. I’m not sympathizing with an abuser but I can see the path this shit followed.

I wonder if they know how it turned out for me, if they care, if they’d feel guilty, or if it’s better that they don’t even know what they did was wrong. I genuinely think due to their circumstances, they may have seen us as equal (mentally) regardless of the circumstances at the time. Over 4 years it was made painfully clear they did. The way we’d fight back and forth, they’d pine for my affection and approval, then tear me to shreds, smash me to dust, and make me BEG for theirs.

We both had a part in this but they were a fully grown adult and I was a (very mentally ill) child. I enjoyed it, I loved it, I savored every fucking second of it. But I didn’t know what it would do to me. I didn’t know what they were doing to me.

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Is it slay…

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In the back of my mind, it’s always there?

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I am a normal person who can be trusted to drink responsibly

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DX

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Who got library card

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Alright ladies… I know I’m sooo late to the party… but I just read The Handmaid’s Tale for the first time and I am feeling so devastated and morose and broken

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Guys the waiter threw away my retainer…

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I think it’s about time we all revisit ‘Monitor’ by Siouxsie and the Banshees

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I will continue to buy neat little Kate Bush t-shirts until I run out of money…

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I really need to find a better way to cope with my depressive symptoms than spending money.

If I am not out and about, moving, doing something, being somewhere, which almost always costs some amount of money I am literally so miserable.

I will either sit in my bedroom scrolling, which makes everything worse always, or sit outside and try to draw, write, or apply for jobs. Which also makes me miserable because my field is being somewhat targeted and dismantled.

I know this makes me sound rich, I do not have a lot of money, I’m just irresponsible and sad and a little deranged.

It’s becoming a problem, as I am in between jobs (or rather, without my first ‘real job’ just graduated college in December) so I’m kind of putting myself in a precarious position by consequence. So… drop your best free/cheap self care hobbies I guess!

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It’s sunny, I have headphones and Heavenly, I have sketchbook… everything will be alright

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I think we all have that song we really like, but are embarrassed of because we first heard it on Rick and Morty.

If this is a ‘just me’ thing… I will be far more embarrassed.