honeysuckle-me

[honeysuckle-me]

touch yourself and think about me

[honeysuckle-me]

[honeysuckle-me]

in another universe, i kiss you goodnight every night. i hold your hand as we fall asleep. we are together and in love and you are not so far away

[honeysuckle-me]

I’m sad. Because I see you liking other women on Twitter so I can only imagine what you’re liking on other apps. And yeah that might be insecure of me. But it’s not for no reason.

[honeysuckle-me]

Boom.

[honeysuckle-me]

These past few days have been better. We talked last week about expectations on when we’ll talk on the phone. You said on your “weekends” (thurs, fri, sat). Then we spoke finally on Saturday. You said you’d call the next day since you were off Sunday-Tuesday….you didn’t call. But you were sick. So I guess you get another pass for being sick…. I’m just hoping this doesn’t become a pattern.

But I’ve kept myself busy with diving into my nutrition studies. Felt good to focus. I’ve started drinking coffee again. Just one cup in the mornings and it’s really been seeming to help me. I’ve been adding mct oil to it from Sakred. Kinda sad they don’t make it anymore. I’ll have to find something else to replace it.

[honeysuckle-me]

45 days into deployment and so many left to go. I’m stressed out and sad and breaking out. I hate not being able to talk to you. I hate not seeing you. I miss you so much.

[honeysuckle-me]

Finding it really hard to take care of myself this week. Work has me stressed bc things just keep piling. But I have no motivation to get them done. I dont want to take my adderall. I’m hungry and there’s tons of food in this house but it’s riddled with dairy. I’m frustrated with myself that I don’t eat dairy. I don’t want to cook but I feel like a mooch living with my parents. I keep spending money when I should be saving. I’m dreading starting TCI back up again bc I feel like I know nothing about nutrition. But I can’t bring myself to study it bc I have no energy or focus. This house is a mess so I can’t concentrate anywhere I go. I’m so annoyed with the people at work. I’m annoyed with my bf for not texting me back but posting on social media. Even tho I understand the two require two different levels of attention. I’m wanting to cry whenever I think anything related to my bf. I’m upset that he’s not here and that I have to live with my parents again because of that. Ugh.

[honeysuckle-me]

I left you today to go on deployment. My heart is heavy, my eyes are red and I’m exhausted.

I always said I wouldn’t date a man in the military and now here we are.. I’m uneasy bc we don’t know for sure when you’ll be back. It’s frustrating af. I’m counting down the days till I can be with you again.

[honeysuckle-me]

We moved out today and it was really fucking sad. I didn’t want to leave. I know I wasn’t helping by being there but I couldn’t leave you.. eventually you told me you needed to just finish on your own. Which kind of hurt but I know you didn’t mean anything by it and I know you’d been trying not to say it all day long.

Our first place together 🥺. I’m still so shocked that we stayed there together. I loved it there. Our own little corner of the world. Thank you for sharing it with me.

Leaving you was so hard. I can’t imagine next week…

[honeysuckle-me]

I think I’m lowkey depressed rn. Can’t function, lost connection with my two best friends, my bf is getting deployed, I have to move back in with my parents, I have no energy, my job is dumb, pretty sure I’m pmsing but the symptoms are like when I was pregnant and then miscarried so I’m thinking about that all day.

I can’t deal.

[honeysuckle-me]

Feeling really emotional. I think I’m pmsing.. but also just anticipating when my bf leaves for his deployment and idk how to handle it.

[honeysuckle-me]

✨ Free Books For Beginner Witches 🌿

So these are some books I’d recommend to a beginner who isn’t sure where to start. It’s important to keep in mind that some of these books are heavily influenced by specific religious or spiritual beliefs and practices. Also remember that it’s really difficult to find good resources on witchcraft that is completely 100% factual; especially good free resources. So don’t come for me if some of these books are “problematic” by today’s standards. Beginner’s are gonna have to eventually learn to do the work necessary to be able to discern what is and isn’t appropriation. And the best way to do that is by making sure you’re following and listening to BIPOC spiritualists and witches.

Also keep in mind that I will not be sharing beginner books for any specific practices that are considered closed. Some academic type books I share may go into more details about a closed practice but it’s almost always from a historical point of view. And isn’t intended to give the reader a “how to” manual on practicing it. Okay, onto the books.

🌱 The Oxford Illustrated History of Witchcraft and Magic — This is the kind of book you read when you’re looking for a more academic approach to witchcraft and learning about the roots. In my opinion it doesn’t even scratch the surface on witchcraft and can be kinda hard to follow at times. And a bit of a bore to get through. But it’s still a good starting point for beginners.

🌿 A History of Magic, Witchcraft, and the Occult — This book is much easier to get through, in my opinion, then the the Oxford one. Again, it’s not a “how to do magic” type book. And it doesn’t go too greatly into detail about one practice or another. The thing with these types of books is they’re meant as a general overview of witchcraft. It’s a good starting point to figure out what kind of witchcraft, magic or spiritual practice you’re interested in

🌻 The Anthropology of Religion, Magic, and Witchcraft — Yes, another academic style book. This is absolutely more of a text book than a read for pleasure type book. But it’s full of great information. And another great staring point for beginners.

✨ Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs — I think just about every witch will recommend this book to any beginner.

🌙 The Crystal Bible — Another commonly recommended book for beginners. This doesn’t cover all crystals and doesn’t go into much historical or scientific reasons for their use. It’s more of a reference guide, a jumping off point.

🌞 Learning Astrology: An Astrology Book for Beginners — A really good starting place if you’re a witch interested in astrology.

🍄 Green Witchcraft: A Practical Guide to Discovering the Magic of Plants, Herbs, Crystals, and Beyond — Another good beginners book. This sort of mixed the Magical Herbs and Crystal Bible book together. Honestly, I’d suggest those 2 books first but this is handy to reference.

🦋 The Complete Book of Incense, Oils and Brews — Another pretty basic beginners book that’s popular to recommend. Again, a good starting point.

🌝 Moon Magic: A Handbook of Lunar Cycles, Lore, and Mystical Energies — A beginner friendly intro to moon magic. Not the most informative book (it’s one of the newest on the list) but it’s a good jumping off point.

🌼 The Green Witch: Your Complete Guide to the Natural Magic of Herbs, Flowers, Essential Oils, and More — Very beginner friendly introduced into a more earth based practice. This is more than just a reference book of magical herbs, it’s more of a “how to” book on earth magic.

🦇 Dictionary of Symbols — This is more of a reference book, rather than something you’d actually sit down and read through. And it’s not necessarily “witchy” but I feel like it fits into the same theme.

🌛 Folkloric American Witchcraft and the Multicultural Experience: A Crucible at the Crossroads — An interesting read for any beginner witch in America.

And there are some of my book recommendations. Of course there’s a ton of books out there for specific paths/practices but I didn’t want to include those books because I’m not sure what practice you’re interested in; and also this list would have been 3x as long lol.

I feel like I have to keep saying this but: Remember that these are beginner book recommendations and are not meant to be extensive or complete information. I’ve yet to find a book with all the information in it lol. This is a place to start.

Ko-fi <- Don’t forget to tip the witch (but likes, shares and follows are appreciated just as much)

[honeysuckle-me]

Breaking down what ‘do the inner work’ actually means and looks like…

1. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST. Your shadow will continue to rule your future unless you learn to make peace with it. Learn to connect the dots, understand why you feel triggered when x happens? Why you’re so fucking angry when x says that thing? Know that these emotions are all connected to your past, your traumas, your beliefs (that you most likely made as a child). Unless challenged and changed your old beliefs will continue to plague your life. The best way to understand how your past is affecting your future is through therapy. I recommend cognitive behavioural therapy which lasts for 8-12 weeks meaning your not stuck in life long therapy discussing the same issues (attracting more energy to your pain). No, the purpose of this is to understand and clear your wounds. Once you can connect the dots, you can start to understand yourself better.

2. LOOK WITHIN. When you’re hurt, upset, triggered instead of projecting back from a wounded place, or seeking validation from others to feel better you look within. This involves becoming your own fucking guru. You sit there alone when you feel like shit, you pull out your journal, and you unleash all your thoughts on to paper and start to make sense of whats coming up for you. The less you can rely on external sources to feel better when hurt / stressed the better. If journaling is not your thing, speak to a coach or therapist.

3. CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR. This will be tough, and will feel like you’re trying to swim upstream against the mother-fucking-current, but believe me, once you start to break free from these old habits, you can finally let go of those paper shackles holding you hostage all this time. Changing your behaviour looks like, not calling your bestie to validate your irrational behaviour. Not lashing out, not relying on other people to make you feel whole and complete. Pausing. Checking yourself before you say/ react from a place of regret. Once you know better, you do better. 

4. RE-PARENT YOURSELF. This is a big one. when you’re hurt and healing, you need that loving and comforting support. This is where you re-parent yourself. You check in with yourself. You find out what you need. Extra love? Care? Attention? This is all what you provide for yourself, especially when it comes to men. What you desperately seeking from them is what you’re failing to give to yourself. This is where you learn to nurture yourself. Re-parenting can look like an open dialogue in your journal asking yourself what you need and listening to the answer. This can be daily, weekly. You make fucking time.

5. BURN THAT FUCKING SAGE. Clear your energy. Do what you need to do to align your energy. This could also look like a salt bath, grounding in nature (walking bare foot), to make peace with yourself. Going for a run, dancing a yoga class. This is what the inner work looks like, doing what you need to balance your energy from a healthy place.

6. READ books that encourage growth and understanding of self. Go to the book store, pick something out that resonates with you. Once you understand your triggers, why you get angry, hurt or keep attracting men that reflect the same wounds your parents inflicted on you. The more you understand this, the more AWARENESS you have to not attract similar situations, you become more clear in your understanding of yourself, your awareness is razor sharp and you learn to act from a place of love.  

7. FORGIVE. Are you going to let your past rule your future? Learning to forgive yourself, those who hurt you is crucial for your healing, otherwise you’ll be living in your shadows. Get on google and find a forgiveness meditation. Read books on forgiveness. This might be a process. But if you’re harbouring resentment, this will rule your life until you make peace with it.

8. COMPASSION. For self, for those that trigger you. Imagine yourself as a small child, that needs love and care. That’s level you need to hold for yourself. Once you reach this level of compassion and consideration for yourself, this will ripple out and you’ll notice more compassion for those around you. But it starts within. 

9. LIFE IS A MIRROR. This is core of the inner work, remembering that every unpleasant experience is a mirror of what you need to heal. You are being directed to your wounds. Stop looking outwards for blame. Look within. Physically where does it hurt. Emotionally, what is coming up? Write these down. Anger, abandonment, rejection? Whatever emotions you feel, spend time dissecting and working with these emotions. Understand them, study them, these are are your dots that will connect you to your inner healing, 

[honeysuckle-me]

Things have been going pretty well I thought. Your uncle passed. And you had two funerals last week.. You’ve said you’re good but the last three nights you wake up in the middle of the night and wander around the apartment.. You usually come back after a bit. But tonight you left me in the bed alone. Without a word.

So I’m up now just thinking of everything. And wondering if it’s me. it’s probably not but who knows.. it’s the one factor I can control so that’s where I go to.

I’m wondering what this means for us in the future. You’re leaving for 9 months and we haven’t even made it to 9 months of knowing each other.. You pointed that out a couple of days ago and it’s really put things into perspective.

It makes me wonder if I really know you the way I think I do. It makes me wonder how we’re supposed to function in these 9 months. I wonder how we’ll both handle it. And if bc we haven’t known each other that long, will we make it?

Obviously I want us to. And I’m deeply in love with you and in my heart there’s no way I won’t be welcoming you home at the end of this year.

But that’s me. I can only control that much.

You still make me question things. You retract into your own bubble when you don’t feel secure. And that makes me worry.

Because if we’re miles apart and you retract, there’s nothing I can do except hurt for you and for myself.

I feel hurt and deserted and sad and lonely and really fucking confused when you do this.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in these situations when you’re not even two feet away from me. So what the hell am I supposed to do when you’re away?

That’s the only problem that worries me. I’ll drive myself crazy with my own thoughts.

[honeysuckle-me]

I think it’s normal to ask your partner questions to better understand them and how you two intertwine, where those parts meet and where they fray. Love is also an act of unlearning and learning, as individuals in love and sharing a world where you two are wholly yourselves, apart and together

[honeysuckle-me]