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@ryebreadgf / The Truth About Grief, Fortesa Latifi / bone deep, m.v.e / Sidewalk, Richard Silken / unknown / 60 hours, m.v.e / @itsblackleader / Salt, Nayyirah Waheed / @heavensghost

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“but it wasn’t that bad”

did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasn’t that bad?

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Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

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It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

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- good luck, babe!!

Thoman E. Yingling - My Way Home Is Through You // Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe! // Svetlana Lunkina and her coach, Ekaterina Maximova, in rehearsal at the Bolshoi // Two Womenby Andrew Loomis // Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe! // Jeanette Winterson - Lighthousekeeping // Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe! // Catherynne M. Valente - Deathless // Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe! // Cheryl Strayed - Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar // Haruki Murakami - Norwegian Wood // June Gehringer - I love you, It looks like Rain // Malcolm Liepke - Girls Night, 2018 // Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe! // Louise Glück - Faithful and Virtuous Night // Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe! // @maybecowboycore // Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe! // Hala Alyan - I'm Not Speaking

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Unfortunate.

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a lot of people INCLUDING DOCTORS are completely unaware of this but it's not that uncommon for people to get so stressed out they will have a seizure, without being epileptic.

these people can experience any of the symptoms of seizure but will get a negative result on the standard epilepsy tests. this is the epilepsy foundation website and is not a bullshit website, this is actual epilepsy experts and advocates saying "you can have seizures from being too sad, too traumatized, or too stressed". unfortunately a lot of doctors will hear a patient report this, test them for epilepsy, and when the tests are negative, stop the diagnostic process there because they just don't know what else it could be or how to help their patient. bad doctors will make a mental note than the patient is hysterical* and/or malingering. terrible doctors will start diagnosing them with personality disorders that will prevent the patient from receiving adequate care later on (histrionic personality disorder, borderline, bipolar, etc). well, it can just be stress and trauma.

but it's pretty simple, sometimes even non-epileptic brains can overload and boil over and trigger cataplexy, muscle spasms, absence episodes, hallucinations, and all the rest of the seizure behaviors. one of the papers I read on Psychogenic Non-epileptic Seizure (lmao PNES) mentioned that diagnosis alone was sufficient to significantly reduce or completely cure a lot of cases, presumably because if you know what's happening to you in a psychogenic illness and why, a huge burden of fear and stress is lifted from the disease process. unfortunately the combination of all these factors (tests negative for epilepsy, caused by psychological stress, resolves when diagnosed) produces an impression of the patient "faking it". this is true of most psychogenic illness because our culture doesn't consider the processes of the brain to be "real", but again, I have to emphasize, this is the official epilepsy foundation website and they have no reason to blow smoke up anyone's ass about this

* they're technically correct, hysteria as a classical diagnosis before it got turned into "she's making it up" documented a lot of these same symptoms, including the "hysterical arch" posture of a patient experiencing a full body spasm seen sometimes in stress seizures

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it's a new day + the sun rose + you're alive + you're alive + you're alive + your heart is beating + you're breathing + you're alive

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“Marcus Aurelius has already released you from the obligation to have a take”

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So crazy how you have the worst day of your life but then the next day the sun keeps shining and the air’s just a little cooler w the onset of fall and you realize that there’s nothing you can’t come back from because the only time it will ever be too late is when we’re dead and not ever before

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On cycles

Clarice Lispector, A Hora da Estrela | The Hour of the Star // Lisa Marie Basile, “I Put the Coffin Out to Sea” // Sophocles (trans. Anne Carson), Elektra // Wikipedia entry, “Ouroboros” // Margaret Atwood, “Speeches for Dr. Frankenstein” // Frank Bidart, “The War of Vaslav Nijinsky”

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do you ever think oh actually i am never going to stop being eleven years old and lonely

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I don't regret you. I don't care how it ended. I don't care about your worst. I remember how it began and how happy it made me. I won't ever regret you.

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Poetry by @heavensghost