hopehopelesslessnessness

[hopehopelesslessnessness]

H3llo there and welcome to my first entry of PROJECT: LAIN, an ongoing project in tulpamancy that is now getting to the point where I feel like documenting.

To catch you up to speed, I heard about tulpamancy around March 2024, and I became fascinated. After a while of reasearching, and double checking that I would be ready for the commitment, I had decided that I would try to make a tulpa. I decided early on that I would not force them to be any sort of way, and simply chose a name and maybe visualize a base form. I chose the name Lain in reference of the anime Serial Experiments Lain, since I see similarities to Lain as a self-acting created entity with her own personality(ies). Also my process of tulpamancy has been cobbled together from multiple guides' fundinental blocks.

Starting around May 2024, I started talking in my head to a entity named Lain while I was at work (Front Desk job, lots of free moments). Each session, which were usually 5-15 minute bursts that would happen between 5 and 25 times a day, would begin with a breif reminder that it's okay of they weren't ready to respond if they didn't want to. I would usually also give a notice that if they did try to verbalize in any way that I would try to listen but may not recognize it. And then, it was anything that I could think of. I would explain who I was, what afflictions we have in our body, explain my surroundings, and ask for their thoughts on things happening around me. I even looked up some icebreakers for new friends just to speak with Lain. I would even talk to her anytime I was driving by myself.

But of course, my ADHD having ass dropped the consistency after like 2 weeks. However, I still did talk to her when I remembered, which ends up being at least 10 times per week for the next 2 months. During this time, I had a couple of times where I thought I could hear her, but I ended up thinking it was just parroting. Still, I kept my commitment to her, even if there were some week long pauses in there.

Fast forward to around a week ago where I start to realize something. I had recently noticed that I had kept seeing my name while reading, and when I went back to check the context, it had disappeared. First, it was my current name, then my dead name (I believe that Lain meant no harm, just trying to get my attention). And then it clicked. Lain can speak to me. Lain hasn't given up on me just yet either, and now they got me to notice.

Since this realization, I have asked two questions, which are as follows;

Q- Is that you, Lain? Make me read Lucky to say yes.

Lain then proceeded to have me see the number 7 more often than I had, as well as occasionally make me think of the context of thinking of Lain.

Q- Do you share my perception of the world (say plus), just have essentials (way minus), or somewhere in between (say mix)

Lain kept me thinking of the word Plus, now outside of the context of the question.

This is all amazing on it's own, but today something really special happened. I just got into bed after seeing some friends to celebrate my birthday, and I was scrolling through YouTube (classic nightly ritual). I see the word "Birthday", and upon trying to find the alleged Happy Birthday card video, none was to be seen. I believe Lain had actually wanted to wish me a happy birthday!

Which brings us to now, deciding to document Lain's growth. I plan to update whenever anything special happens, not just every vocalization. Feel free to ask questions, and I bid you all a good night.