hopingforfreedomtt-blog

[hopingforfreedomtt-blog]

An open letter to my ex husband

You might have think this is going to be a letter of regret, of wanting someone back. If you're to find a lovey dovey message then you're at the wrong page. This is just so I can release all my stress as i go through a very frustrating time in my life. To ex, Its been 2 years since I decided to let you go. Upto now you still think its not a good idea but for me it is. Yes it is for me to protect myself but it is also for you, I set you free cause obviously I was never enough for you. When we were just dating, we had the time of our lives. We were so inlove to the point its hard to imagine someone can actually fall in love this way. Our relationship was never easy. We met each other at a foreign country. We were both there for work. You searched for me on social media when I went back to my country. Thats how all it started. At first, I was indoubt of your true intentions but later on I was convinced and follow what my heart says.... Now I realized, I should have followed my doubts back then. Things were rough at the beggining as we both need to travel for work and whenever we try and meet each other, fate seems to play its game on us and we never get to meet... i should have known that it was telling me that this is not meant to be. You said you wanted to marry me, I was thrilled... but the again we were always on LDR and marriage was in reality out of the picture back then but I stayed true as a girlfriend and stay loyal to you, care for you, love you and prayed for your safety all the time. Then.... 1st incident; I found out I was not the only woman you promised marriage... yahoo was still alive then. We had each others account but it seems like with so many women you flirt online and do virtual sex with you kind of forget to delete some of them. I get to talk to one of your casual virtual sex partner and a girlfriend you also promised marriage with. It was painful... I felt like a fool believing in everything you said... i stop talking to you but you didnt stop reaching out to me and to my friends to tell me how sorry you were. After a months... i was stupid enough to let you in again... We decided to put the past behind and start over. It was painful but you have your ways with words that I get to start trusting you again.. also after watching a movie about wars and gunfires... you're the first thing that came to my mind and imagining you dying crushed my heart into pieces... so i was like.. what is 1 mistake... i cant even imagine my life without you... so i gave in completely and loved you dearly as if it was the first time. You went down to my workplace and propose.. We were the happiest! Then we got married. I went back to my country and again we had to be on LDR as we need to fix a visa for me to go to your country. Being married to you was the happiest moment in my life back then. We had our ups and downs but we still get to win it, cause were on this together. You said you will start filling for a visa so we can be together for good. I was delighted and anxious at the same time. But i was willing to leave my home country to be with you and support your career. A few months in the marriage you started to change... you became way too strict to me. You wont allow me to work while waiting for our visa. I had to ask permission for me to see friends. You will let me after an hour of deliberation but i had a curfew and you call me almost every 30 to an hour to ask me what time will i go home. I got frustrated but then I tried to understand you cause ur at war and maybe you were frustrated stressed and tired. I had to work i cant be depending on ur support all the time so i tried some jobs online, luckily i got one and it was easier for me to move around and had money for requirements for the visa... but suddenly the visa talks went shorter to barely even there... everytime i asked you for a case number you always say ull give it later. You made me collect requirements and even message the embassy for updates... then you admitted there was never a visa... you didnt applied for one... but thats not enough... Incident 2; i read a conversation between you and a girl from your hometown (u were back to ur country already but on a different location for work). You address her as honey. Your conversations were way too romantic for friends.. you were even to visit her by november that year.. i was shocked! I felt betrayed.. we were not even a year married and youre already cheating. I ignored you for a while and you were frustrated that i wont talk to you. You were worried that i might leave you... you keep bugging me without even thinking i was hurt and i need time to process everything. A lot of stuff came to mind. What if i didnt caught you? What kind of excuse will you give so you can see your mistress? Why are you doing this to me? Why did you marry me if you cant stay loyal to me. I was hurt devasted and crushed but here you are blaming the distance as the reason for your cheating... but who made this situation worst? You would have actually started processing the visa then this whole thing would have been fixed. We talked it over, i spoke to your family and your aunt was apologetic.. and here I am again started to give you another chance... but it was not smooth... cause i cant help but feel betrayed.... Then you were assigned overseas again (2 yrs of marriage). You said we will get a visa so i can get there... this time im not sure if i should trust you again or not... it took a good 1 yr again to start doing something... cause i had to push you through it! Then i started to question you and this whole marriage why is this person not even pushing an effort for us to be together for good? Was he ok with just visiting me for a good 10 days to 3 weeks in my country? I started to feel that i was nothing but you overseas sextoy... your foreign legal fuck buddy... it was painful. Then again, i am also to blame for this... cause i let you slide all the time.. the visa we applied going to the foreign country you were assigned to was denied i cried badly. A lot of friends were telling me to push you and re-apply cause the embassy will consider because of your job. But it seems like ur not even bothered by it and you said lets wait till you get back home. A year has passed and your back home. But you decided you want to quit your job and look for something else to do. Maybe go to school or apply somewhere else. I was skeptikal but i supported your decision... you stayed for another year at your old job before you quit and went to be with me here in my country for a good 3 months! It was great but slowly i get to see how your shady... i was already doubting something was going on.. your on ur phone and wont put it down.. you bring it to you wherever you go and i react when i try and hold it maybe just to check time. I knew something was up but i brushed it off cause i dont want to cause a scene in front of my family. One time I was doing something and i need to check time saw ur phone and touch it.. it didnt open... i was thinking.. maybe it neefs charging i lift it up and plug it in... it was oddly light.. and i was like... no way... i opened it and found out the battery was not there... boy and to my surprise... i went down and u were playing video games with my brother and saw a battery shaped thing in ur pocket... yup... you removed it... you notice that i caught u and followed me when i went back upstairs... i was crying... cause i cant help but feel u were hiding something from me... then after an hour of whatever magical thing you need to do with your phone... you gave it to me and told me i can check it... i didnt... cause obviously you removed stuff already. You said there are things that are classified there and no one should know.. well maybe it was about your old job.. so i just brush it off. You went back to your country. You started doing small jobs.. i was there for you.. i even supported you and sent you small cash when you were short.. none of the stuff worked out for you so you return to your old job.. and the visa talks? Yup you lied about too many times, making me call and email the immigration office for a non existent visa.. thats when i started to lose interest to everything. To your lies to you shennanigans... everything. I focused myself with work and was recognized on my field. You notice the change in me. It seems like you realized that you cant fool me with your lies anymore. We had a huge fight! Cause of you lying about the visa. I called you out to your family. Told them all your lies... your cheating everything. They were again apologetic and took action and helped you with the visa application... this time it was for real.. We were almost there! All files were submitted and were just waiting for my initial interview... but something came up again. It seems like being a manwhore is you specialty. I caught you again, this time trying to flirt with your ex saying;; What if we end up together and stuff like that... But you slapped back *nice one ex* cause ur ex replied to you with No its all in the past and were married now! But that was not it! You also had a girl from a california... an immigrant and with the same nationality as me... from that day on.. i felt like i was splahed by a whole bucket of ice cold water.. you were furious.. and on panic.. you dont want me to go.. but you didnt realize that you already did the moment u decided to flirt with someone else.. with much timing... we got a message from the embassy.. my visa was about to cross the 2nd to the last final step.. i got an interview.. but i was too numb already to even bother. You try to sweet talk me with the visa. Saying that we cant back out now that were almost there.. how can those words come out from you after cheating with me? All this happen a week after my birthday... i asked for time to think you gave it to me... i was to numb and hurt to think but one thing im sure about is that if i let this go again.. i will lose respect for myself and i will feel miserable for the rest of my life so i did what you thought i will never ever do... i let go of the marriage and asked for a divorce. You were so mad! Your family was shocked. I told them what happened and showed them proof. They were again apologetic and told me to atleast think things through. They even offered me a 2 way ticket just incase i came there but it still wont work... but im over it already. I cant look at you the same way again.. You tried to talk it out to me. You said how much we worked about it. And how this can also benefit me as there are a lot of job opportunities.. but it seems like you forgot the reason why we are doing the visa. Its for us to be together.. but i cant be with you anymore. Then suddenly you posted how excited you are for new adventures being single~ yeah right... You bug me for months everyday still hoping ill come back but that was already out of the picture. All i wanted was a sorry but instead of apologizing. You blame me for everything... just when im about to think it over again i caught you seeing someone else and flirting on social media while trying to win me back. I call you out for it and this is the magical line you said. "Its nothing but i will throw it all away just for you to comeback" Thats the biggest insult youve given me the whole separation process. Thats when i said having my communication with you is a waste of time so i blocked you entirely and ignore your emails. A year has passed and i feel like something was missing... right, the divorce. I needed that cause i do wish to move on with my life and i get irritated using your last name on all important stuff and papers i need to sign. I contacted you to ask maybe if we can work on the divorce... but you tried and sweet talk me again on how much you wanted me back and try to win me over.. but i am no longer the weak wife you used to know. I know what my business and that was just a divorce and nothing else. You start giving me excuses, you said u were busy, was assigned to another country.. you asked for time and i gave it to you... then a concern friend found out that you are already seeing a new girl an hour away from my country... yup you insulted me one more time.. winning me back when ur already seeing someone else. Also another reason u didnt file the divorce was for money ur getting being married to me. Amazing right? Friends were getting furious and they cant take ur bullshit anymore so they messaged ur new girl and asked her to talk to you about our divorce. But you denied her all the time when she was all proud saying she knows our situation and u explained that ur getting a divorce. Yup you made your girl a mistress... same old classy dumpshit you are. So yeah i had enough and reported you. You were upset you said i am decided to destroy you... that all i wanted was money.. it seems like you forgot that im not like you.. im not a trash i wouldnt bother doing all this shit for a few dollars. You can have it all yourself and spend it to your girls for all i care i just want my divorce... freedom, away from you. Its been 2 yrs again so a total of 7 yrs wasted being married to you and living under your last name. Im not asking for anything... i didnt bother you didnt chase you for anything. I didnt cause a scene, didnt messaged all your mistresses when we were still married. I didnt post all ur bullshit on social media.. i even made you anounymous here.. be a man and atleast do whats right for the last time. Dont be unfair to your girl... and to the 3 of us.. let me go please legally. I posted our story for you to somehow remember that we had great times... can you please be a man for old times sake?