howareyanowwayne

[howareyanowwayne]

Letterkenny Crack

This is a Mermaid AU you have been warned. pre-Wayne/Darry. 

If you asked most of the good people in Letterkenny, they’d tell you that Wayne was without a doubt the toughest guy in town. A really good guy, just all around stand up; he kept to himself, but never avoided a polite chit-chat with neighbors or ag hall members. Ran his farm with ease and always put out a good crop, fought with honor and defended his own- that was all most people really cared to know about him. 

He’d never really had a sweetie(except for Angie) and that goss would circulate every few years when someone decided to try their luck asking him to dance at the jamboree or sum’such. It never stuck, and people would find something else to talk about until another party came around and others would give it the old college try. 

The best thing about Wayne, in most the town’s minds anyway, wasn’t just the good fights he put on or his honest-to-god good ole’ boy way of going about things- it was the lake that bordered the north side of his property. Like his Dyad had when they were kids, every summer Wayne opened the back driveway from noon to 4 or 5 and let people drive up in their trucks for a few hours of swimming. Most of the lake sat on the state-owned wildlife preserve that curled around the north and east sides of the farm, but they had a solid 3rd of it that was great for swimming and fishing, as long as people stayed respectful.

Wayne himself spent a good deal of time out by the lake, thinking or drinking. Always in the morning when there was no one about. Katy worried about him sometimes, especially after Angie’s cheated on him; when he’d disappeared and they’d found him, two days later passed out on the shore of the lake completely soaked through. 

But Wayne was never one for many words, content to spend a good deal of time alone or with his dogs, and she understood. He had his own demons, and she trusted him to come to her when he really needed help.

But this isn’t a story about Wayne being alone, or not liking people that much(because as polite as he was, he really didn’t like most folks all that much), this is the story of how Wayne and Derry met.

One morning, long before chorin’ needed to be done, Wayne bolted upright in his bed. Whatever dream had woken him was already fading from his mind, leaving behind only a vague sense of wonder and alarm. He sat quietly trying to remember for a moment, but soon enough drew a blank. Rolling out of bed, he looked out his back window towards the lake, out of sight on the other side of the field. Wayne had a strange feeling, as he dragged on jeans and a button up, that something was happening.

Without realizing it he’d rushed out of the house, pulling a dart from his pack and lighting it, beelining for the lake with long rolling strides. 

As he got closer to the edge of the property he could see little flashes of green light from over the hill- getting brighter as he cleared the corn field and making his alarm grow. Wayne hadn’t brought a flashlight, and now he was glad he hadn’t announced his presence- if there were skids partying on his property after dark, he’d send them running with their tails tucked between their legs. 

He ran the last few feet up to the crest of the hill and stopped cold. Blinked a few hundred times, because what he saw didn't make any kind of sense.

There, sliding leisurely through the water on the bank of the lake was fucking mermaid. He couldn’t think of another word for it that was for gd sure- clearly the upper body of a man, no legs, just fish from the hips down. Wayne scrubbed at his eyes hard, blinking the water out and letting his peepers adjust. It was still there after, tail pushing water lazily, upper body reclined on the shore. Glowing, for god's sakes, biolights flashing a soft green and blue and lighting the water like some kind of scene from a fairy tail. 

He didn’t even register his legs taking him closer until suddenly he was only a few feet away, and big, glowing green eyes flickered up to him. 

Wide, luminous, and wet as a dewdrop, Wayne watched two sets of translucent eyelids flutter in shock before yellow pupils shrunk into slits of alarm. Even as everything in him screamed at him to flee he was stuck, making intense eye contact with this strangely-human looking fish. 

Two things happened in an instant. The Mermaid’s face split like a snake’s, mouth too wide and full of sharp teeth. Messy wet curls flew about his head as he flipped, hissing and backing away from the farmer faster than a deer in headlights. 

Wayne stumbled back from the bank and slipped as loose sand and clay gave way, landing him right in the water with a splash. The hissing, barking sound continued as the hick threw his arms over his head and clenched his eyes shut. Lights flashed under his eyelids and his ears rang.

After a few long moments of heart pounding panic, the farmer stopped hearing hissing and a warm weight moved behind him. He opened his eyes to find the mermaid only a few inches from him. Wayne wasn’t the best at reading people, but he’d say it looked curious- mad as a snake, teeth barred and body tense, but there was a confused tilt to its head, eyes wide and searching. 

“Hw’re ye n’w?”

And if that bomb didn’t take him out just a little. Wayne was sitting chest deep in freezing lake water, at four in the morning, tangled up with the canadian creature of the black lagoon and it was fucking speaking to him. He raised his head to meet those glowing green eyes again, took a deep shivering breath and said.

“Oh not so bad.” Lies. He was very overwhelmed right now. 

Now that Wayne had a chance to see it up close, it was hard not to stare. Other than it’s eyes, which had no whites and shined like emerald fuckin’ gemstones, the top half of it looked just like a scrawny, less hairy dude maybe a little younger than Wayne- wiry and muscular, smaller by a bit, with a mop of curly wet hair that hung around it’s face and stuck to it’s neck. Freckles and a scale or two decorated it’s body, everywhere that could be seen, pale skin making the seamless transition to a fully green-scaled tail somewhere around the hip bones. There were little fins that Wayne thought might be for steering, on his elbows, wrists and sides; they were laying flat against his body now. 

“S’rry.” It wheezed, and Wayne couldn’t help but wince; that was certainly not a voice meant for english, that’s for sure. But the fish continued anyway. “M’ Derry.”

“I’m Wayne.” It was only polite to introduce yourself. “I know.” Unless you were introducing yourself to a creepy mermaid, apparently. Wayne gave Darry an utterly unamused look and said- “Wish you weren’t so fuckin’ awkard, bud.” 

When those words left Wayne’s mouth Darry lit up, literally, the entire rainbow and then some bathing the water around them in a halo. Darry pressed up against Wayne’s chest, hands sliding lightly up his arms to rest on his shoulders. 

“A’right, bud. No awkward.” 

Wayne almost choked when, as the words left the merman’s mouth, his head dipped down, teeth and lips grazing sensitive skin through fabric. He heard Darry take a deep inhale, chest rumbling like a cat. 

“Take about 30% off ‘er there, Derry.” Wayne lifted his hand slowly to pat the merman’s arm and earned himself a toothy smile. Felt slimy as the bottom of the lake, for sure, but his hand wasn’t bit off and his new pal(?) didn’t even flinch, so he counted that as a win. Darry was a freaky lake monster, but Wayne could tell already that the guy was softer than 12-ply toilet paper. Even if he had a mouth full of lethal chompers. 

“Now I’m gonna freeze if I stay in here any longer, so you better let me up.” Darry whined, all the anxiety and tension returning to him in an instant. His clawed hands tightened on Wayne’s shoulders.

“Wayne, don’ tell. Please.” Those huge eyes pinned Wayne with a pleading stare. “ ‘m a secret. No tell ‘nyone.”

Wayne rubbed Darry’s arm again, thinking it might calm him down some. “O’ course not. It’ll be our secret.” He paused, looking out over the water and then back to Darry. You didn’t meet a mermaid every day, that was for GD sure- and technically, Darry was his neighbor. It was always polite to maintain good relationships with your neighbors. “And if you like, I’ll come back and visit ya. That’s my house right over there.” He pointed. 

That got Darry smiling again. Wayne heaved himself to his feet, dripping wet. The merman pulled away as he stood, eyes following the line of Wayne’s form as he straightened and peeled off his soaking flannel with a shiver. Playful hands tugged at his ankles, but didn’t drag him back down. 

“Alright. See ya, Dar.” And with that Wayne tore his eyes away from his new friend, trudged up the bank toward the field and the house beyond it. He felt eyes stay steady on his back until he’d crested the hill.