humorisstoredinthetits

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Polykessoku Headcannons

These take place in an AU where Kessoku Band gets big, think like BTS big, and the four of them have been in a poly relationship for a good bit

General HCs:

None of their fans know about the relationship, having purposefully kept it a secret for privacy reasons, but also because a lot of discussion around the band was about which of them were dating

It makes them, especially Nijika and Kita, feel kinda icky knowing that they are purposefully leading on their fans in order to create discourse and therefore interest, but they cannot deny the results and so reluctantly they keep doing it

Most people think the pairings are Bocchi/Kita and Nijika/Ryo with a notable minority thinking its Bocchi/Nijika and Ryo/Kita, and a few thinking Ryo/Bocchi and Kita/Nijika

There have been a handful of people who correctly guessed they were a polycule, but they were laughed out of the online discussion, unbeknownst to how right they were

The first person they told about their relationship was Sekia, thinking that she would be chill with it bc of her situationship with PA-San and Kikuri

Instead they were treated to a lecture about how poly relationships often fall apart and yada-yada, which was not what they needed to hear, given how recent and fragile their relationship was

Nijika got so upset that she stormed out, the others following in quick succession, moreso out of worry for Nijika than anger at Sekia

She spent the next few days at Bocchi's

Bocchi's parents have basically adopted all of Kessoku Band, them being so grateful that Hitori found some good friends who truly care about her

During this time Bocchi worked up the courage to tell her parents about their relationship, and it took them a little while to understand but they were fully supportive and told Nijika she could stay for as long as she needed, which she was thankful for

Her parents never thought she would have one partner, much less three, so they were overjoyed once they understood what was going on

Eventually the four of them went back to Starry for band practice, giving Sekia the cold shoulder the whole time

Eventually PA-San went to talk to them, telling them that she understands why they are upset and doesn't really blame them for how they reacted, but that Sekia meant well and was only looking out for them, recounting how messy things are between her, Sekia and Kikuri and how Sekia probably just wanted them to avoid the mess that she's dealing with

Eventually Nijika went to talk to Sekia in private, the latter apologizing profusely

It took a while but eventually the band became comfortable around her again, sans Bocchi who was never comfortable around her to begin with

The four of them buy a futon big enough to fit the four of them when they get their own place, thinking it was gonna be super awesome and that they were gonna have lots of cuddles

Except it wasn't

Bocchi got overwhelmed and she decided to just sleep in her own room

The Kit-Aura was so strong when Kita was in it due to how happy she was that it made it so Nijika and Ryo couldn't sleep so they kicked her out

Ryo snores, loudly, so Nijika then proceeded to kick her out, leaving her to sleep in the giant-ass futon all by herself

As for sexualities, they are all lesbians

They're lesbians because there's no men in their world to be attracted to

The band really blew up whenever Bocchi revealed to her GuitarHero fans of her true identity and membership in Kessoku Band, driving a lot more attention their way, their following basically doubling overnight

It had taken a lot of convincing by the others for her to take this step, Bocchi wanting to have the band be a success without relying on her pre-existing fans, but they had reached a point where Bocchi felt it was ok to do so

They had been slowly but steadily gaining more followers, but the influx of ticket and album sales from the GuitarHero fans allowed the Band to access bigger and better events, further spreading their name, until they got to be where they are today

Unfortunately with the increased popularity came increased attention, with paparazzi starting to follow the girls

They really stressed Bocchi out, preventing her from feeling safe even in her own home

Things came to a boiling point when the four of them were out at the mall for a date and some reporters spotted them, and they got all up in Bocchi's face and started asking some really personal questions, and she became so stressed out she had a meltdown

Despite this the paparazzi didn't let up, and so Ryo decided to take matters into her own hands, grabbing their cameras and throwing them onto the first floor, from where they were on the third

They were left alone after that

This incident also made Ryo the most popular member of the band, with fans loving how her usually myserteous and stoic personality hid a caring and gentle side

She ate it up, her ego expanding massively

She then used her newfound influence to raise money for "Hitori's mental health" (to buy more basses), but Nijika made her use it to pay back the reporters whose cameras she destroyed and the rest went to the band

They got a nice van once they started to rake in good money, its name is Kessoku Van (Ryo is the one who named it, and much to Nijika's chagrin the name stuck)

Nijika and Kita are the only ones allowed to drive it, with Ryo not allowed anywhere near the steering wheel, not after the incident

In this universe instead of Lego making the BTS set they make a Kessoku Band set

It's not much, just a little stage with them, their instruments, and a large Kessoku Band logo built out of bricks in the back, but they included fun little easter eggs like the box Bocchi used to hide in or a plant piece for Ryo

Bocchi:

Bocchi is actually really touch-starved and loves physical contact, just only on her terms

If they're in public or pretty much anywhere outside of their home she doesn't like to be touched

And her gfs, family, and Jimihen are the only people (and animals) that she's ok with touching her, with her becoming very upset if anyone else touches her

It took a while for Bocchi to understand where her boundaries were and communicate them to others, but her gfs are very respectful and abide by her wishes

She's also a tinge agoraphobic

Its not so bad that she refuses to leave the house, she just stresses about all the things that can go wrong out in the world

She is usually fine if she's with the rest of the polycule, and if she's been to a place alot/spent a lot of time there she's also usually fine (think places like Starry)

She's deathly afraid of flying and because of that Kessoku Band has never had a concert outside of Japan despite having a large international following

Her gfs are more than willing to accommodate her to help her feel more comfortable, but she hates that they have to do that

She wishes she could just be normal

She envies Kita alot, she being someone who can go outside or make a post on social media without having debilitating anxiety, unlike herself who can barely function

At the suggestion of Nijika she started seeing a therapist and was prescribed some medication which have helped a little but she still is held back by her anxiety

She's made improvements over the years, when she was younger she never could've seen herself being in a relationship or performing with her face out in the open, and she now can even meet fans and sign autos without needed to hide in a fruit box

But even with those developments she still berates herself for being unable to do what she perceives as such simple things

She's asexual not only because she doesn't feel any attraction that way but also because the thought of it makes her extremely uncomfortable, more than anything else ever has

When she started dating Kita she added a red cube hair thingy to accompany her blue and yellow ones and it made her so happy she started crying

That is the reason that most fans suspect that they are the ones dating

She has really bad body dysmorphia and for that reason hates wearing clothing that shows off a lot of skin

Her preference is to wear her pink tracksuit and leggings, as they cover up most of her body

Once Kessoku Band blew up she dropped out of high school, which she considers to be the happiest day of her life

In hindsight she probably should've completed it, but at the time she was so caught up in the band's newfound success that she didn't care

Thankfully it all worked out in the end, but had they been a 1-hit wonder then she would've been screwed

Nijika:

She's the rock of both the relationship and of the band, being the most regularly and emotionally mature

She's the best at dealing with Bocchi's meltdowns, greedy companies trying to stick the band with unfair deals, Ryo when she decides to be annoying, dealing with these things 99% of the time ends up falling on her

And don't get her wrong she's glad to be there for the people she loves, but it gets very exhausting dealing with it all

One day she snapped and had a breakdown of her own, the pressure of everything weighing on her so heavily that she could no longer handle it

The other three immediately started panicking and tried comforting her, but their efforts were in vain as Nijika kept crying and didn't even seem to notice that they were there

It got so bad that they had to call Sekia who was able to get her to calm down

Later they brought her some food in bed and snuggled up to her and watched whatever she wanted to, while telling her that they were gonna help her out by taking over some of the responsibilities

At least they tried too, Nijika refused to let them

She's the one who does interviews

Bocchi is too scared, Ryo would probably say some dumbass thing that would cause controversy, and Kita would get off topic

But she doesn't want to reveal to the world just how dysfunctional they actually are, so if anyone ever asks about it she just gives them the look until they move on to another topic

The Look is also useful when dealing with annoying blue-haired bassists

She can be very intimidating when she wants to be, and it honestly kinda scares everyone

But back to the interview thing, she's very careful to maintain their band's image

She knows that one bad remark could ruin everything, and now its not just her and her sister's dream, but the dream of her bandmates, as well as all of their livelihoods

Thats part of why she agreed to hide their relationship status, same-sex marriage in Japan is still not legalized and public opinion is divided, she doesn't want to risk the controversy

Its fine if its just discussion, because that's all it is, once they confirm it, it becomes a real tangible thing that can be used against them

... And people said that Bocchi was the overthinker

Her stress and anxiety has only skyrocketed since they blew up, and it only seems to grow everyday despite her gfs best efforts

She used to think that once they made it big then things would be smooth sailing, but now she understands the expectations of being superstars

She's one bad day, one event gone wrong away from having a complete breakdown

As the band's leader she feels as if the band is entirely on her shoulders, and she puts a lot of pressure on herself to ensure their continued success

Apparently its very difficult to continually put out good, high quality music that the fans would like at a regular enough pace to keep interest in the band but not oversaturate the market, as well as ensuring they do enough of a variety to not bore people but also not too much to scare away older fans, who would've guessed

Lately she's been finding herself snapping a lot more, at Sekia, at stagehands, even at the other members of the band

She eventually goes and apologizes, but the frequency at which these incidents are occurring is starting to worry everyone

And as Bocchi opens up more, she finds herself keeping more in, not wanting her issues to interfere with the band's success

She really needs a hug

Ryo:

Ryo and Bocchi are both trans women

Ryo often forgets to take her hormones and will sometimes still forget to take them even after being reminded by all three of her gfs

While i'm on the subject PA-San is a she/they enby but they haven't decided on a new name she's happy with yet so for now they just go by PA-San

Except its been literal years at this point and Sekia is starting to think that she really wants her name to be PA-San

Kikuri is trans too

She's autistic, so is Bocchi, so is Nijika

She has a special interest in plants and that's how she knew which ones were edible

She keeps their home full of different plants, but not just any plants, she has unusual ones

Things like Venus Fly Traps and Cacti

She is super clingy in the morning before she's has some coffee and will latch on to whatever poor unfortunate soul has the misfortune of being around her whenever she wakes up

When they got their big break and got the first big paycheck, Ryo spent it all immediately, as she does

It was at that point that an intervention was staged by her gfs

Well, by Nijika and Kita

Bocchi doesn't like confrontation and was just kinda sitting off to the side occasionally saying that she agreed with whatever the other two said

They took control over her accounts and set aside money for savings, rent, her share of utilities, etc, and continued to do so until she demonstrated financial responsibility

Ryo thought that it was stupid and played their concerns off until Nijika had to explain that they weren't kids anymore, they were adults who had responsibilities and they had to start acting like it, which made her sit and think about it (for once in her life), eventually agreeing that this was for the best that they did take control

As much as she acts aloof she actually picks up on things most people might miss

She plays it up whenever someone tries to get her to do something she'd rather not do, like cleaning or not buying the third bass this month

She's also extremely blunt and can come across as rude

Sometimes she doesn't mean too and just can't get her thoughts across any other way, other times she just doesn't care

Most of the time its the latter

She just finds politeness to be a waste and wishes everyone just said things like they meant, regardless of wether it hurt someone's feelings

Kita:

Kita has ADHD

She only found that out when she went to get tested for autism, bc she though she was since all of her gfs were

She still sleeps with a stuffed animal, a little red rabbit that she's had since childhood

She's pretty embarrassed about it but it helps her sleep

Nijika and Bocchi were really supportive and told her they didn't think it was weird or anything and that it wasn't something they had to hide

Ryo made some jokes about how she was childish, Nijika then proceeding to elbow her in the stomach

Ryo was just trying to say that she thought it was cute

She spends FOREVER in the bathroom

This wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that their home only has 1 bathroom for some ungodly reason

She's a social media addict, not like in the haha funny spends lots of time on Issta sort of way but like an actual addiction

It got to the point that they would have to stop in between takes during practice and recordings just so Kita could check her accounts

And more concerningly , they had noticed that she had been eating less and less

TW: ED

They would go to restaurants and she would take photos of the food to post online but never take more than a few bites, if she ate any at all

After spending so much time on social media she started to internalize that they way these models looked was how she was supposed to look, not realizing the amount of editing and the like that went into these photos

Eventually Ryo pulled the others to the side explaining her worries, and the three of them planned an intervention

It didn't go super well at first, Kita becoming very upset and accusing them of wanting her to be fat and ugly, but she eventually gave in and admitted that she had a problem and wanted to get help

Bocchi's therapist was able to hook her up with a specialist for ED and combined with constant reassurance from her gfs Kita was able to overcome the ED and returned to a normal weight and eating habits

Of course these kinds of things just don't go away, and occasionally she'll have a resurgence, but she knows to let the others know and then they'll help her until the thoughts go away

Its also a sign that she's spending too much time on social media, and she limits herself to only using it to keep up with family and friends, as well as using it to promote Kessoku band

Kita's parents, but mostly her mom, were not thrilled with the path she was going down, and she's gone NC with her mom, and while she still talks to her dad semi-regularly things between them are strained, but slowly improving as he comes to understand and accept that she is an adult and can make her own decisions

It hurt having to go NC with her mom, it really did, but it would hurt more having constant reminders that her mother saw her as a failure

And besides, Mr. and Mrs. Gotoh treat her like their own daughter and are nothing but supportive

Ryo also got cut off by her parents after she dropped out of college once the band blew up, but she seemed much less affected by it

Wether she really doesn't care or is just that good at hiding it, no one can tell, Ryo is a very hard person to get a read on

Whenever the four of them have a movie night she'll pick horror films so that Bocchi will cuddle up to her

It turns out they also scare the shit out of her so both of them end up cuddling up to Nijika, who knew about Kita's plan and just sighs in exasperation

She is super clingy, especially when she sleeps

Whoever she is sleeping with will become her own personal heating pad

Even in public she loves holding hands and having physical contact with her lovers, except for Hitori because she respects her boundaries

This is the main evidence that some of their fans use to say that Bocchi and Kita are not together

[humorisstoredinthetits]

The Heathers + Veronica and Pride

Happy Pride Month to my fellow LGBT+ people!!!

This is gonna be some headcannons about each of the Heathers and Veronica on their sexualities and experience with the LGBT+ community, as well as with Pride itself

Chandler:

Chandler identifies as Pansexual

Despite identifying this way, she has no interest in dating or being with a man, due to her traumatizing experiences with David

It took her a very long time to come to terms with her sexuality

Being raised in a extremely conservative christian household, Chandler learned that homosexuality was a sin early on in her life, and that if she ever turned out to be gay that her mother would throw her out after beating the ever loving shit out of her

As she met Mac and their friendship progressed, she realized that she loved Mac, but she thought it was a sisterly kind of love, that they were so close that they were practically siblings

She never even considered that her feelings towards Mac were anything other than that until Duke pulled her aside and told her that she was in love with Mac

Once she came to the realization that holy crap Duke was right, she was in love with Mac, she didn't really know how to handle it

It wasn't that she believed anything her mother said, far from it, she realized a long time ago that she spouted nothing but bullshit, but she knew that should word get out about their relationship that their lives would be over

As much as she hated her mother and wanted to leave ASAP she knew she didn't have anywhere to go (despite the fact that Mac's dad would have taken her in a heartbeat should she have needed it), and the bullying would reach heights it never had before

She started to avoid Mac, which made her feel horrible but she knew it was the only way to hopefully have her feelings die down

Thankfully Duke got tired of their bullshit and locked them in Mac's closet until they confessed their feelings to each other

Eventually Duke then Veronica joined the relationship, her parents and David died in "mysterious circumstances" that she definitely wasn't involved in, and she was free to live her life as she pleased

Well, almost

Things weren't like they were in high school, she had no power over people anymore, try as she might, and she was faced with the reality that the people around them did not like their lifestyle and weren't afraid to make their opinions known

Chandler is someone who doesn't take insults very well and will always retaliate tenfold should she feel disrespected, and this trait of hers has gotten her into trouble

Thankfully pigs (cops) are easy enough to bribe and she's always managed to get off the hook, but its still annoying to deal with

So she has resorted to some more fun ways of dealing with them

While she was learning gardening to help manicure her flower beds, she learned what kind of plants are the most annoying and hardest to get rid of, and she purchased many bags of seeds of these plants

Now whenever a nosy neighbor comes bother them or leaves them a flyer for some church or another, their lawn will miraculously burst into rainbow colored plants that refuse to go away

She's also taken to plastering LGBT+ support bumper stickers on her neighbors cars whenever they harass her loved ones, the kind that refuse to come off

She's seen them have to buy brand new cars just to not have to deal with it, and while they have the money to do so, for Chandler the sheer inconvenience that it causes them is enough to make her cackle with glee

And the best part is when they try and confront her all she says is "The Lord works in mysterious ways" and shuts the door in their face, knowing they have no actual evidence to connect her to the crimes

Duke loves how petty she is, Veronica is impressed that she's managed to get her revenge without getting the police involved, and Mac is worried about getting caught but trusts that Chandler knows what she's doing

As the one in charge of the finances she makes sure to donate at least 25% of their incomes to LGBT+ charities alongside other donations to anti-bullying, anti-child abuse and children's cancer charities, knowing that they do not need that money

She sees it as a way to help atone for her past actions as HBIC

She never purposefully targeted LGBT+ students, but it just so happened that those who were out about their sexuality and/or gender identity were at the bottom of the totem pole, so they ended up getting bullied regardless

At the time she justified it by saying that she needed to do it to ensure they stayed at the top, but she now realizes that's just what she was telling herself so she didn't think too much into it

Duke:

Duke identifies as a lesbian

However, for the longest time she assumed she was aroace

She never really found anyone attractive, man or woman

The first time in her life that she was actually attracted to someone was when she realized that she had a crush on both Mac and Chandler, and even then it took her an embarrassingly long time to realize that it was love that she was feeling

It was only after spending day after day with them that she realized just how much she'd come to care for them but also that the way she felt now was different than the way she felt about Martha all those years ago

She's technically demisexual but she chooses to identify as just a lesbian

Her parents and family were also extremely homophobic, but like Chandler she long has realized that most things they say are bullshit and has learned to ignore them

Once they died in the same "mysterious circumstances" that also saw the death of Chandler's parents, Duke was free to live her life as she pleased

At her job she deals with abused children, which given where they live unfortunately means that plenty of LGBT+ children with unaccepting parents make their way into her office, often having gone through extreme hardship

Because of this she gets a mini pride flag to sit on her desk as well as several other rainbow items, letting any scared LGBT+ child who comes in know that this is a safe place for them

McNamara:

Mac identifies as a lesbian as well

She probably had the most straightforward time with her sexuality out of the four of them

When she was younger and watched and read stories of noble princes coming to save the princess, she never really enjoyed them

She found them to be pretty boring, often complaining when she and her dad would sit down to watch classic Disney movies

She questioned why it always had to be a guy who came rescue the princess

Her dad didn't think too much of her questions until a few years later, thinking it was just the usual childish curiosity

Then came the day that Mac met Chandler for the first time, and she immediately knew that something was different

When she thought of her, she felt overjoyed, elated, like everything was perfect and nothing could harm her

Never having a friend before she just assumed that this was how friends felt about each other and continued on with her life

She didn't realize that these feelings were a lot more that simply friendly ones until Duke had to spell it out for her because good god their crushes on each other were so fucking obvious and she was sick and tired of watching them dance around their feelings

Duke's questioning made her realize that she had never felt any attraction to guys, not even a little bit, and that Duke was right, she did have a crush on Chandler

Of course then the two of them started dating, with Mac having to come out to her dad

She didn't really know what to expect, but she knew that she couldn't keep something this big from him

She trusted her dad more than she trusted anyone besides Chandler, she knew that no matter what he would accept her

What she didn't expect was for him to say that it was about time

Mac started blushing and put her face in her hands as her dad explained that it was so obvious that they liked each other, and that he knew it was only a matter of time before they realized it

He even brought up how as a child she showed distaste towards the princes in fairy tales

She was extremely embarrassed but very thankful that he supported her

The next two years were probably some of the happiest of Mac's life, when things finally turned around for her

Between the lack of bullying and her newfound relationship, she felt as if she was on cloud nine

But she eventually realized that she also had feelings for Duke, which caused her a great deal of stress

She refused to mention it to Chandler out of fear that it would make her mad or upset and cause them to break up

It makes things between the three of them tense for a while, despite none of them knowing why things are that way

But eventually things worked out between the three of them, and they entered into a poly relationship

Her dad wasn't exactly thrilled when Mac broke the news to him, but once Mac, and Chandler who Mac called to help back her up and explain this to her dad, explained that they had done their research and understood what they were getting into he calmed down and wished them the best

By the time Veronica was invited to the group her dad jokingly asked how long it was gonna be before they invited her into the polycule

As high school ended and the shackles of popularity no longer held her back, Mac became a lot more open with her sexuality

She hated having to hide it because they needed to protect their image, so once that was no longer needed she went all out

She hung up a lesbian and progress pride flag outside their home, has several lesbian-themed shirts, and posts a lot about LGBT+ issues on her social media accounts

These have gotten her in trouble with her old white conservative neighbors who tell her to go to church and stop living a life of sin

She tries to not let it bother her, she really does, putting on a brave face and pretending to not care, but she's a very sensitive person and takes that kind of stuff to heart

Of course when she lets Chandler know about it she goes out of her way to make their lives a living hell

Once she took over her dad's ring business she made sure to advertise that their shop was more than willing to make rings for LGBT+ couples after she saw some stories in local LGBT+ pages that they were refused service once they revealed it was for their same gender partner (thanks Supreme Court for legalizing that btw)

They lost some business because of it, but to Mac it was more than worth it

In addition, she started donating a small percentage of profits to LGBT+ charitable organizations

She also tends to gravitate towards media with lesbian characters or media that has a popular non-canon lesbian ship

Shows like The Owl House, Wednesday or Wicked are all her cup of tea, and she'll spend many hours reading fanfics

Veronica:

She identifies as bisexual

She'll never admit this to anyone as long as she lives, but her bi awakening was Chandler

It was back in freshman year, and back then she hated her guts, there was no denying that, but there was something about the way she moved across the halls confidently that turned her on

She refuses to tell Chandler because her ego is large enough as is and she doesn't need that boost

Instead she tells everyone that it was Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice

Her parents are a little on the old-fashioned side but they didn't have too much of a problem with her being bi, mainly having a problem with that the people she was bi with were her bullies

She definitely had a crush on JD when they first met but within their first convo he revealed he was aroace so it wouldn't have worked out either way

Veronica is someone who doesn't really see the need to display her sexuality with things like flags, to her its like having brown hair, just a part of who you are thats unchangeable

However this gets thrown out the window when homophobes are involved

She has absolutely zero tolerance for bigotry, and will get all decked up in pride gear to bother the shit out of any homophobes

One time a politician of a certain political party that has homophobic stances was coming to town for a rally, and Veronica got out all the pride merch and went to yell obscenities at the politician until she got kicked out

Besides that, she is also heavily involved in local fundraisers, not only donating some of her own money but also working to go around and collect

She even goes out to town halls for politicians of the other party to ensure that they remain committed to protecting LGBT+ rights

Her work has gotten her noticed by local news agencies, which while she's proud that her work is getting recognized, also causes trouble with her extended family

Even when growing up she wasn't super close to anyone in the family besides her cousin Janis, but now none of them want anything to do with her, which stings a lot more than she thought it would

She went to talk to her wives about it, with Duke and Chandler having a "its their loss, fuck them" kind of mentality, which didn't really make her feel any better

Therefore Mac and her went off by themselves, Mac talking about how she felt when her family cut her and her dad off, and how even though it hurts knowing how shallow her family's "love" was, it was for the better, because now she knows who truly cares about her

Pride:

So every year they drive over to Cincinnati for their local pride parade

They get all decked out for the occasion

Chandler paints their respective flags right under their eyes, mimicking that black stuff football players use (i'm too lazy to look it up), and she even forgoes her usual red scrunchie for a rainbow one

They carry flags, have rainbow jewelry, the whole 9 yards

And of course no pride parade could be complete without Chandler's LGBaT

Its a regular old baseball bat covered in colored duct tape, going in rainbow order

She uses it to threaten any homophobes who may try and harass them

You'd be surprised at how people will leave you alone when the threat of violence is right in front of their face

Unfortunately (for Chandler), no one has continued to harass them after being threatened with the bat, which sucks because she really wants to beat up someone with it

Betty, Martha and JD often come with them, also looking like the living embodiment of rainbow capitalism

Ik this part is kinda short but I've never been to a pride parade so I don't have much to base it off of

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Heather Duke Headcannons

Requested by Anon

Sorry this took so long, some stuff came up and I've been kinda busy

I think I've said this one before but Duke does not like furry animals

She just think's they're kinda gross, the fur gets everywhere plus it can get super dirty and they literally lick themselves clean??

Yeah Duke gives them a hard pass

The only furry animals she likes are giraffes bc she wishes to ride one so she can experience being tall

One year for her birthday Chandler managed to bribe the local zoo into letting her meet some giraffes and it was one of the greatest days of Duke's life, even if they wouldn't let her ride them

Chandler has a picture of Duke hugging a giraffe's leg while sobbing over how happy she was

Overall she much prefers reptiles

She buys little hats for her pet snake and posts pics of it in them all over her social media

She half-jokingly said that she's gonna get an alligator and train it to bite homophobes

She's doesn't not like furry animals bc she's a neat freak, one look at her room would tell you otherwise, she's just a very sanitary and hygienic person

She has a bunch of those little sanitizer holders and keeps at least one on her person at all times, using it regularly

Chandler gets annoyed with her because she spends so long in the shower but she's just making sure to clean every little nook and cranny of her body

Although she doesn't want kids of her own she loves them

If she ever changed her mind she would be a wonderful parent, doing everything in her power to make sure that they had a fun and happy childhood and grew up to be a functioning member of society

She's just too fearful of turning out like her parents

Everyone has told her that she would be a wonderful mom, but some scars just run too deep and Duke just isn't willing to take that chance

Instead she settles on helping the kids at her job and being a pet parent

Its not the same, far from it, but its as close as Duke allows herself to get

She is by far the least mature of the four of them

At the ripe age of 20-something she still regularly makes deez nutz jokes and laughs uncontrollably while the others look on in exasperation

She has a shirt with a picture of Dat Boi with the words Dat Boi written in rainbow 3D italic on it that she wears unironically

Veronica got it for her as a gag gift one year for Christmas but Duke loved it

Whenever she wears it Chandler pretends that she's not with them

Duke loves old 2010s memes and will spam the group chat with them, hence why Veronica got her the shirt

She has declared that it was the peak of meme culture and that kids these days have no idea what true memes are like

Whenever she gets like that the others will just shake their heads and sigh

Mac is like a boomer when it comes to memes which makes Duke get frustrated with her

She's extremely ticklish, a fact which Chandler uses to her advantage

If Duke is annoying her too much she'll start tickling her until she stops doing whatever it is that pissed her off

And since Duke is so smol she can't get Chandler off of her and has to suffer until she gives in

She did not get implants as was rumored, they're just naturally that big

The rumor started because no one believed that they could be that size all on their own, and Chandler let it spread as it made them seem like they had access to all these exclusive things, further boosting their image as above it all

They happen to be one of her wives' favorite parts of her

Veronica believed the implant thing for a few years into the relationship and was astonished that they were completely real

At one point she had a diary like Veronica, but it became filled with nothing but self-deprecation and so she ended up burning it

Once her mental state improved she started it up again, and it helps her air her frustrations with her day-to-day life

Sometimes she writes poetry in them, which she never lets any of the others see

She writes about her past, stringing together memories of her pain into stanzas and rhyming schemes

She finds that it helps her cope and come to terms with the things she's been through

Although her diary is filled with somber entries, she never lets herself finish writing without talking about the good in her life

If she finds herself getting to a stopping point, she jots down what's going good in her life, what she's thankful for, something to remind her that her life isn't all doom and gloom

She finds that doing this lets her get her grievances out while not letting them weigh her down

This was a tactic that her therapist recommended to her and despite initially thinking it was kind of silly, over time she found it to be extremely helpful

Similar to Veronica she's interested in macabre things, such as serial killers and death cults

Unfortunately they also terrify the crap out of her and whenever she watches or reads something about these topics she ends up spending the night with the blanket pulled over her like a scared child

Chandler pokes fun at her over it which causes Duke to threaten to go get her snake, which makes Chandler shut up

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Hiii :>

I was wondering if you could make a post about only Heather Duke headcanons :b [I really love your work and stuff]

Sure thing!

I've been taking a little break from posting bc finals and that kinda stuff but once I'm through with all of that I'll get to work on this

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Chandler Memes

Mac: So um Chan-Chan, I think I have a crush on Duke

Chandler:

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Heathers Pokemon Teams

This is moreso for me than for anyone else, I'm combining my two biggest hyperfixations into one big jumbled mess

In addition to providing the teams I will provide reasons as to why I chose these members

Some explanations are from canon, some are from my own headcannons, just whatever I could use to fill out the team

Blazkien: I wanted her to have a fire starter, and I felt that Blaziken was the closest to Chandler in terms of vibes

Also I really like Blazkien sooooo

Jolteon: I wanted the Heathers to use the original three eeveelutions, and she gets Jolteon bc I wanted something to reflect her and Mac's longstanding friendship, so she gets the yellow one to represent Mac and Mac gets Flareon, a redish one to represent Chandler

Nidoqueen: Its associated with royalty, literally having Queen in the name, and was chosen to reflect Chandler's status at the top of the hierarchy

Kindgra: Same reasoning as Nidoqueen, but this time with King

Tsraeena: Same reasoning as the other 2, but this time with Tsar. Plus, Tsareena is a strong looking feminine pokemon that is well known for its kicks (Kickin' nerds in the nose)

Annihilape: Chandler is a very aggressive person and can push people to their limits, as seen during the party with Veronica, like how Annihilape has to push itself so hard with rage that it literally dies

Sceptile: Other Grass starters have more Duke vibes, Serperior and Meowscarada coming to mind, but Sceptile is a counterpart of Blazkien, the starter that is weak to it out of the trio, like how Chandler is the one that holds the power in the Heathers and they have to listen to her, lest they be beaten down

Vaporeon: As I stated above the Heathers each have one of the original eeveelutions, with Duke having Vaporeon, because that was the one that got left over

Honchkrow: Vibes. Thats the only reason, it just looks like a Pokemon Duke would use

Scizor: Its a green pokemon that evolves into a red one, like how when Chandler dies she takes the red scrunchie, evolving as a person.

And what is its only weakness, a 4x one at that? Fire, the type of Chandler's starter

Pyroar: Vibes again, but there's also the fact that Pyroar is also a regal Pokemon, representative of how Duke so badly wants what Chandler has, the top spot. Plus, Pyroar has the ability Rivalry, adding on to that metaphor.

Gallade: Martha has a Gardevoir, and the dichotomy between the two Pokemon that started out the same but grew apart as they evolved represents how Duke and Martha grew apart as they grew older.

Ampharos: The theme for Mac's team is Pokemon that are friendly and that she can hug, bc I headcannon that she loves animals and wants to hug them all, and Ampharos is the most huggable of the three stage electric types (electric bc yellow, three stage to go along with the other's starters)

Flareon: Explained above, but Flareon is also the most cuddly looking of the original eeveelutions, I imagine hugging it would be like hugging a giant heating pad

Bewear: Like Mac, Bewear looks friendly and fluffy looking, but is actually insanely strong and one punch could knock you out

Lapras: These last three are just kinda vibes, Lapras just looks really friendly

Gengar: Many people see Gengar as this scary, malicious Pokemon, but Mac would see that Gengar have no bad intentions and just want to pull harmless pranks on people. Plus its sprite looks like its opening its arms for a big hug

Alolan Ninetales: Alolan Vulpix looked so fluffy that I said that there is no way Mac wouldn't want one

Blastoise: Out of all the water starters Blastoise fit Veronica's vibe the best. Veronica gets a water starter not only because its blue and that's her color, but Water beats Fire, Chandler's typing, just like how she was the one to end Chandler's reign

Espeon: Veronica gets a eeveelution just like the rest of the Heathers, but she gets Espeon, which wasn't one of the original three, showing how although she's in the group, she's still not fully in the group. Espeon was chosen out of the remaining ones based entirely on vibes

Corviknight: Vibes.

Chandelure: Also Vibes, but there's a little more to it, I headcannon that Veronica loves History and Chandelure is this old haunted Chandelier and I can see her wanting to learn about where it used to live and stuff like that

Hisuian Liligant: Also tying into the history thing, Hiusian Variants are from the past and Veronica would totally be intrigued by that. Also Vibes (are you sensing a pattern yet?)

Aurorus: I wanted her and JD to have a pair of Pokemon to represent their love (bleh, PolyHeathers+Veronica forever), and I pretty much arbitrarily chose the Kalos Fossils bc I liked the dynamic they have, Aurorus being Beautiful while Tyrantrum is destructive

Hydreigon: JD has a temper that he struggles to keep in, and Hydreigon is known for going on destructive rampages when it is angered, similar to how a certain someone decides that blowing up a school is the best reaction to getting broken up with

Lucario: Lucario is a solemn, lonely Pokemon, kinda like how JD explains that he's been alone due to how often he has to move, but also very mysterious, also like JD, which was the thing that intruged Veronica about him

Crobat: Vibes, plus Crobat is used by a lot of evil team members in the games so I guess it kinda fits with JD considering that he's the villian

Vanilluxe: Slushies

Basculegion: A psuedo-counterpart to Veronica's Hisuian Lilligant, but it also represents how his mother's death weighs upon him so, because Basculegion is surrounded by the souls of its dead Basculin bretheren

Tyrantrum: Counterpart to Veronica's Aurorus, a very destructive Poekmon like his Hydreigon

Gardevoir: As stated previously, it is a counterpart to Duke's Gallade. It's mega also looks like a woman in a wedding dress, symbolizing how she dreams of getting married to Ram

Sylveon: Vibes, I wanted her to have all Fairy types and this was the one that fit the most, despite the fact that it kinda throws off the whole eeveelution metaphor I was going for

Mimiyku: Mimiyku is a very lonely pokemon that tries so hard to fit in, and I feel like Martha would sympathize and pity it, and they would be each other's friend. She knows what its like to be rejected and unwanted, so why not be rejected and unwanted together?

Galarian Rapidash: Unicorn Sweater

Azumarill: It and Togekiss are both big, bulky fairy types, but instead of this being a "Martha is fat and they are fat", it shows how Martha is using her strengths to her advantage. Sure she might be a bigger girl, but she's owning it and not letting it hold her back

Togekiss: Building off of that, Azumarill and Togekiss both start out as weak baby pokemon, and while most people would cast them aside, not wanting to put in the effort to train them or seeing them as too weak to bother with, Martha would see their potential and raise them right.

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Veronica when the Heathers are getting a little too annoying

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Poly Heathers + Veronica and Surplus Headcannons

Chandler:

She's picked up archery as a hobby, definitely not because Veronica made her watch the Hunger Games with her and she thought it was cool, not at all

She's not very good at it but she's still learning

Speaking of the Hunger Games, the political overtones went totally over her head and she had no idea it was an allegory for anything until Veronica pointed it out

She questioned how Chandler was so media-illiterate that she couldn't see how the Hunger Games was meant to represent yada yada yada until Chandler interrupted her, reminding her that she had Fleming for English, during their unit on Pride and Prejudice they didn't even read the book and Fleming spent the entire time talking about how she wished someone like Mr. Darcy would come and sweep her off her feet

If she wants attention she will sit on the couch and sigh, doing it over and over again and getting louder each time until someone gives her what she wants

The others banned her from playing online competitive games after several incidents where she got so pissed off from losing that she started breaking shit

She is absolutely horrible with children

One time her and JD had to babysit one of Martha's cousins bc she was sick and they were the only ones available on such a short notice

It went about as well as you could expect, that is to say horribly

When the cousin started crying, neither JD nor Chandler knew what to do to calm her down and so proceeded to spent hours trying everything they could think of, but nothing worked

Finally JD had the bright idea to call Veronica's parents who asked if they had tried holding her

They had not tried that

Besides the obvious not knowing how to take care of them, Chandler just feels really uncomfortable around them

She's never been around people younger than her, not having any siblings or cousins or anything, so she never really learned how one is supposed to act around them

That's part of the reason that she doesn't want to have kids

Duke:

She fucking hates Harry Potter, not even because JK Rowling is a TERF bitch, she just genuinely hates the novels

She criticizes their poor writing, inconsistent use of magic, illogical character decisions, pretty much everything about them

This upsets Mac bc she wants to go to Harry Potter land at Universal but Duke adamantly refuses

She wanted to read them so bad when she was a kid but bc of her dyslexia she couldn't, so when she was finally able to when she got her glasses she was so disappointed

She's afraid of horses

Not because she had a bad experience with them or anything, she just think's they're creepy

Chandler will make fun of her for this, grabbing one of Mac's My Little Pony plushes and saying "ohhhh Duke watch out, its a scary pony, oooh its gonna bite your face off"

Duke will then kick her until she stops

She bought one of those blow-up Among Us costumes for Halloween one year and uses it to scare the ever living crap out of her wives

She'll just stand there, menacingly in the dark until someone passes by before jumping out at them

Chandler got fed up with it and stabbed the costume until it could no longer hold air

Mac:

She was the kind of person who hilighted everything in her textbooks, making it completely pointless

She believed that it was illegal to turn the lights on in the car while you were driving well into her 20s

She puts stickers on literally everything, her laptop, suitcases, her car's back window has so many that she can barely see out of it

She loves pastels, everything she owns is in a pastel color, even her car is a pastel yellow

She still sleeps with stuffed animals, her favorite being this life-sized Mareep that Veronica got her one year for Christmas

This thing is fucking huge, like 45in

Chandler was like "Macky, honey, baby, you cannot bring that in bed, that thing isn't gonna fit" but Mac said "you can't make me do anything" and brought it anyway

It did not in fact fit but that didn't stop Mac

She doesn't actually like croquet and thinks that its kinda boring but plays it anyway bc Chandler likes it

At least she thinks Chandler likes it

In reality neither of them like it and only play it because they picked it up when first creating the Heathers as a way to look sophisticated

She pronounces some words weird for no reason at all

Like Piñata is "pin-yah-tah" or Bunny is "bun-neigh"

Speaking of bunnies, she buys a bunch of little outfits for her rabbit and will post pics all over social media

Munchkin hates them but puts up with it bc he gets treats after

She is a self declared "pet parent" and refers to Munchkin as her son

She has a self-imposed bedtime of 10pm and will not stay up a minute later if she doesn't have to

She's terrible at hiding her emotions, just by taking a look at her you can tell how she's feeling

Veronica:

She drools in her sleep

It is for that reason that Chandler sleeps on the other side of the bed from her

She is an absolute fiend for Buccee's

If they are going on a trip and one is on the way she will pester whoever is driving until they stop there, before proceeding to spend an hour walking around the store while munching on Beaver Nuggets

She's extremely clumsy and often will run into things (or people)

She's lost count of how many phones she'd had to replace because she dropped them without thinking

The Heathers think she's really good at chess

Veronica has no fucking idea how they came to think that, she's never played it in her entire life and never mentioned it, but despite this they brag to everyone that their wife is so good at it

She's actually kind of a dumbass, she's book smart but not very street smart

She's super into alt-history and has created many different scenarios as thought exercises

The four of them went go see the Minecraft Movie and Veronica got them kicked out after she started acting a fool during the Chicken Jockey scene

The Heathers have never been more embarrassed to be with her than they were in that moment

She made a Discord server for her friends and the Heathers to hopefully help decrease the tension a little bit more

It turned out nothing like she was expecting

Duke and JD just spam terrible brainrot memes while Betty and Chandler watch in disgust

Meanwhile Martha and Mac are just hanging out in one of the other channels talking about My Little Pony or whatever

She identified as emo for about a week before she moved past it and she looks back at that period with much shame

Her parents took a bunch of pictures of her with her emo getup and threaten to show the Heathers them

They desperately want to see them

Elon Musk blocked her on Twitter after she kept ratioing him so hard

She's a huge fan of Star Wars and has bought many lightsabers

She mainly uses them to whack her wives

By wives I mean Chandler and occasionally Duke

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Date Night

This is just a little idea I had, and its also my first attempt at actually writing something, so please enjoy.

Heather Chandler sighed for what had to have been the third time in the past five minutes.

It was Saturday, meaning that date night had rolled around once again, a wonderful time where she could break free from the seemingly never-ending list of chores at home to spend some quality time with one of her wives. This week was her and Veronica's turn, and she was looking forward to being alone with the blue-clad girl.

She WAS looking forward to it.

Because unfortunately, it was also Veronica's turn to choose what they did for their date night, and so instead of having a nice meal at a fancy restaurant or something along those lines, she found herself at the mall, more specifically the LEGO store, watching Veronica browse the various overpriced pieces of plastic.

She didn't necessarily mind going to the mall, sure she would prefer the restaurant, but she understood that compromises needed to be made and that it was only fair that Veronica get to choose sometimes. No, what she minded was standing awkwardly in the middle of the store, desperately hoping that the child screaming just a bit away would shut up already while she watched her 20-something year old wife debate which toy she should get.

Veronica walked from one side of the store to the other, clearly deep in thought, just as she had done several times now. Eventually Chandler's already thin patience snapped, turning to Veronica and exclaiming "Can you just pick one already for fuck's sake?"

Veronica's eyes narrowed as her eyes darted to the nearest child, before looking back at Chandler and replying "Language Chan, there's kids here".

Chandler rolled her eyes before exasperatedly stating "Veronica, we have been here for 45 minutes. 45. Minutes. Just pick whatever set that's eventually gonna end up in tiny little pieces all over our house you want and let's go".

Veronica shot her an offended look but began to speed up her search regardless. Finally, she seemed to come to a decision.

"I'm gonna bite the bullet" said Veronica before making her way over to the check-out counter and after a quick exchange the employee made their way to the back.

They emerged a few minutes later with a massive black box, much to Chandler's horror.

"Veronica. What the hell is that?" exclaimed Chandler, exasperation evident on her voice.

With a shit-eating grin Veronica replied "Its the UCS Millennium Falcon of course. Been wanting this bad boy for a while now and now it's mine".

"Where are you even going to put that thing, I know there's no room in that goblin cave you call a room" asked Chandler as the employee handed the bag containing the set to Veronica, who struggled to carry it.

"Oh that's the fun part, see I saw this TikTok where someone built the Death Star hangar with this set in the middle of it like the scene from A New Hope inside of a coffee table, and I wanted to replicate it"

Chandler screeched to a halt as she turned to Veronica before declaring "In no universe am I letting you put that (she gestures to the set) in our living room"

"Too bad, Mac and Duke both agreed to it, so I guess it's happening". Veronica shrugged and continued to walk to put the bag in the car.

As she says this, said women, who also happened to be at the mall for their own date night, made their way over to them, hoping to see how their date was going. Instead, they were met with an enraged Chandler, who demanded to know why they agreed to Veronica's absolutely inane proposition.

Mac and Duke gave each other a look, before promptly turning around after Mac said "you're on your own here Ronnie".

"TRAITORS!" Veronica yelled back before seeing the anger on her wife's face, deciding it best to let her cool off. She attempted to run to the car, but both the heavy weight of the set and Chandler grabbing the collar of her hoodie put a stop to that.

"Oh no you don't" exclaimed Chandler, before dragging her over to a table in the food court and questioning why she thought that it would be acceptable to have that in their living room and why she thought that she could do this without her permission, oblivious to the fact that the Millennium Falcon would end up in a coffee table in her living room, regardless of her protests otherwise.

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Below is the blank version just incase someone wants to create their own

This is not my creation, it is a template, the original creator is listed at the top

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mcduke,, the sillies,,

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Ah yes. Me. My Wife. And her 500 hundred dollar four foot tall Mareep.

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AWOOGA !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Poly Heathers + Veronica and their Favorites

Chandler:

Animal: Cats

Anime: Death Note

Book: None, she fucking hates reading

Candy: Twizzlers

Chip: Ms. Vicke's Jalapeno

Color: Red

Cookie: Red Velvet

Disney Princess: Elsa

Fast-Food Restaurant: Subway

Flower: Heathers

Food: Cake, specifically Red Velvet

Holiday: Valentine's Day

Ice Cream: Wedding Cake

Movie: Pretty in Pink

Muppet: Ms. Piggy, she is literally her tho

Person outside the Polycule: JD

Planet: Venus

Pokemon: Blaziken

School Subject: None of them

Season: Spring

Smell: Ocean Water, as in the smell of the ocean

Snack: BQ Corn Nuts

Soda: Diet Coke

Song: Dancing Queen by ABBA

Sport: Croquet

Store: Target

Superhero: Harley Quinn (not a hero, but she doesn't care)

TV Show: Survivor

Video Game: The Sims

Vine: I love working here, we just have a lot of laughs

Duke:

Animal: Snakes

Anime: Demon Slayer

Book: Moby Dick

Candy: Literally any kind of chocolate

Chip: BBQ Lays

Color: Red

Cookie: Chocolate with Chocolate chips

Disney Princess: Belle

Fast-Food Restaurant: DQ

Flower: Heathers

Food: Chocolate

Holiday: Halloween

Ice Cream: Mint Chocolate Chip

Movie: Airplane!

Muppet: Bean Bunny (terrible choice here Duke, she claims he's a """"little guy"""" but everyone knows he's pure evil)

Person outside the Polycule: JD

Planet: Uranus, for the exact reason you are thinking

Pokemon: Sceptile

School Subject: Psychology

Season: Fall

Smell: Fresh-baked Cookies

Snack: Chocolate (can you tell she really fucking likes chocolate)

Soda: Root Beer

Song: Highway to Hell by AC/DC

Sport: Tennis

Store: Barnes and Noble

Superhero: Batman

TV Show: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Video Game: Portal 2

Vine: Remember, no one will ever be able to hate you more than you already hate yourself

Mac:

Animal: She likes all of them, but rabbits have a very slight lead

Anime: The Pokemon Anime

Book: She also doesn't like to read

Candy: Lollipops

Chip: Plain Lays

Color: Yellow

Cookie: Sugar

Disney Princess: Anna

Fast-Food Restaurant: McDonalds

Flower: Heathers

Food: Chicken Nuggets

Holiday: Christmas

Ice Cream: Vanilla

Movie: The First Pokemon Movie

Muppet: Beaker

Person outside the Polycule: Her Dad

Planet: Pluto, she's one of those people who got really upset when it got demoted to a dwarf planet

Pokemon: Ampharos

School Subject: Phys Ed

Season: Winter

Smell: Cinnamon

Snack: Scooby-Doo Fruit Gummies

Soda: Sprite

Song: Let It Go from Frozen

Sport: Cheer, they hate debates over wether it counts but Mac is adamant that it does

Store: BoxLunch

Superhero: Wonder Woman, only partially bc Mac thinks she's hot

TV Show: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Video Game: Pokemon XY

Vine: I don't have enough money for chicken nugget

Veronica:

Animal: Parrots

Anime: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Book: The Hunger Games

Candy: Skittles

Chip: Salt and Vinegar Lays

Color: Blue

Cookie: Oatmeal Raisin

Disney Princess: Mulan

Fast-Food Restaraunt: Wendy's

Flower: Heathers

Food: Pepperoni Pizza

Holiday: Halloween

Ice Cream: Cookies n Cream

Movie: The End of Evangelion

Muppet: Gonzo

Person outside the Polycule: Either Betty or Janis

Planet: Neptune

Pokemon: Blastoise

School Subject: History

Season: Fall

Smell: The Smell of a freshly opened Pokemon card pack, she will sniff that shit while the Heathers look on with extreme concern

Snack: Trail Mix

Soda: Ginger Ale

Song: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

Sport: Cheer, her choice is most definitely not influenced by how sexy Mac looks in her cheer outfit, not at all

Store: The LEGO Store

Superhero: Captain America

TV Show: Breaking Bad

Video Game: Minecraft

Vine: Road Work Ahead

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Heathers as Vines

Chandler: How much money do you have?

Mac: 69 cents

Chandler: Ah, you know what that means

Mac: I don't have enough money for chicken nugget

Chandler: (To Duke, Mac and Veronica) I love you bitch

Chandler: I ain't ever gonna stop loving you, bitch

Fleming: Heather could you read number 23 for the class?

Duke: No I cannot *cries in dyslexia*

Duke: What's up I'm Duke i'm 19 and I never fucking learned how to read

Duke: So I am confusion

Duke: Why this one Kansas but this one is not Arkansas

Duke: America explain, explain what do you mean Arkansas?

Veronica: (Looking at the Heathers) Three bros, sitting in a hot tub, five feet apart cuz they're not gay

Mac: Hi my name is Mac I got a cheer competition tomorrow, I'm cheer captain and I got shoe game and

Veronica: (In Duke's Jeep) I'm in my wife's car, vroom vroom

Duke: (Visibly irritated) Get out my car

Veronica: awww

Mac: Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick

Veronica: Don't fuck with me, I have the power of God and Anime on my side

Chandler/Duke: Mother? Father? Oh my fucking god they fucking dead

Duke: There's only one thing worse than a r*pist

Duke: Boom

Chandler: A Child

Duke: No

Mac: Well, when life gives you lemons

Duke: Remember, no one will ever be able to hate you more than you already hate yourself

Chandler & Duke: (Fighting over something again)

Veronica: Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?

Veronica: Being gay in the workplace just has it's perks

Chandler: (With the others) I do love working here, it's just we all have a lot of laughs

Chandler: Fuck off Heather, I'm not going to your fucking cheer competition

Duke: Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage

Fleming: What's 9+10?

Mac: 21

Chandler: Next time you put your fucking hands on me I'm gonna fucking rip your face off bitch

Mac: What'd she do to you

Chandler: *on the verge of tears* Cuz she fucking pushed me

(She's talking about Duke)