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a few doors down from me my neighbors have a squirrel bar nailed to the tree in front of the sidewalk, not exactly this but something like this:

it's been there for years and they never "stock" it so it's just sitting there. anyway, i thought it would be cute to make a little squirrel out of sculpey and leave it on one of the stools in the middle of the night. i also made a little sculpey beer bottle with its own label.

it lasted exactly one day and now it is gone. it didn't fall off, i stuck it on with tape. what do you think happened to it? your most fantastical and wrong answers only, please

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If you haven’t seen the meme, it’s three photos of me showing my flapjacks to the judges and then a quote, I don’t remember saying this but apparently it’s how I talk, says “Started making it, had a breakdown, bon appétit”

James Acaster on his Bake Off experience - Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999

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It makes me happy when they listen

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Currently doing an Insomniac's Gambit. For those of you who don't know, this is when you mess up your sleep schedule badly enough that you attempt to fix it by skipping an entire night of sleep then going to bed at a reasonable hour the next day. Crucially, it does not work

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imagine there's a button you can press that simultaneously pays for your college education but kills/maims a dozen or so people you've never met. the killing part isn't kept secret and is in fact spun as a heroic thing. now imagine that government agents go to high schools and tell kids old enough to drive that they should push the button. now imagine someone stubs their finger pressing the button and years later demands a discount on their Jersey Mike sub because they pushed the button and if you react by flicking their stubbed finger that's bad because sometimes people stub their toes on doors. now imagine a dirt bike doing a sick backflip

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I wanted to see if there was a longer version of that Sabrina fortnite clip and im glad there is

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the punkest president is obviously obama, he’s the one who pretended to be a commie to score a bisexual girl

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Hmm, my conclusion is that Lapp Caster is an M9 unit.

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If we locked the worldbuilding subreddit in a bunker for two months do you think they'd emerge with something we as a society could use?

we'd get one finished novel out of it and it'd be a nonfictional account of what happened in the bunker

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every single server with a “vent channel” is awkward, creepy and toxic so i came up with the idea of a “medical status” channel which i didn’t even have to write rules for everyone just read my mind and is perfectly using it as intended and hopefully it speaks for itself

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They’ll never do a Hitman level set in a Furry Convention because gamers would absolutely ruin it but imagine. like the target isn’t a furry he just owns a hotel that happens to have one every year but you can disguise yourself in a fursuit and some guy will ask you “what species is your sona” and 47 would be like “a wolf. i always felt a connection with…hunters.” and then diana would be like “let’s see if you can sniff out some information, furrty-seven” and then he comes to my house and kills me for writing this

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replace "hates pink puffballs" with "women" not so funny now is it

meta knight hates pink women

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Asexual Trent Reznor: I want to pet you like an animal

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bugtesting