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hyjcvnt · 19 days ago

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SHE'S HEREEEE

— KICKBACK ✧ M.S

summary જ⁀➴ midfielder of the lacrosse team megan skiendiel has everyone's hearts, except yours. when she gets injured during a match and your mutual friend brings her to you, you reluctantly help the girl recover. and over time, you find yourself liking her more and more.

warnings/tags જ⁀➴ fluff, college!au, lacrosse player!megan, sports medicine major!f!reader, angst included, one sided enemies to lovers, bf megan >>, chaewon & kazuha sserafim bffs, eric tbz mention, happy ending, lots of food mentions, ginger megan!!!

wc જ⁀➴ 12,9 k

now playing જ⁀➴ open hearts by the weeknd

1k event

despite majoring in sports medicine, you didn't care much about sports. sure, you would watch whenever there was a football or basketball game, mainly because your friends would drag you along, but you didn't really care about the games. you didn't bother trying to understand the rules, you just watched the players and how they moved. it was nice at the same time, being able to watch how the players moved and try to guess the injury while they got pulled off the field or court. it was like your own game, being able to spot if a player was strained, if they were limping, trying to hide they were hurt.

you didn't even know your school had a lacrosse team until your best friend, chaewon told you about the new girl she was talking to and that she was on the team. that’s how little you cared about sports in your school. she looked at you like you were crazy, but neither of you knew there was a team until then.

chaewon asked multiple times for you to tag along and go to one of the games, that it's actually more interesting than she thought it would be and that you would probably enjoy it. but you never did.

then came megan skiendiel.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

you were looking down at your phone while walking through the hallway, not paying attention when you felt someone tap your shoulder. pulling out one of your earbuds, you turn around and a taller girl stands in front of you.

“hello?” you say.

“you're yn, right?” she asks, looking down at you with a smile on her face.

“yeah?” you respond. “sorry, do i know you?”

megan’s smile falters for just a second, deflating a bit. were you being serious? everyone knew her. she was the star of the lacrosse team, everyone in the school knew of her. you just stare at her, and she realizes you're serious.

“uh i’m megan. y’know, the lacrosse star.”

you blink. “lacrosse?”

“yeah.” megan nods. “i’m uh, i’m a midfielder.”

“right.” you nod, not having any idea what that's supposed to mean. “can i help you?”

“uh,” megan pauses. “well i guess i was gonna ask if you wanted to see the match this thursday,” she says.

you look at her confused. then you sigh and shake your head. “oh my god don't tell me chaewon told you to talk to me.” you groan, covering your face with your hand.

megan’s face drops. “what?”

“look, megan?” you move your hand and look at her. “i’m sorry for whatever my friend told you, but i'm not interested in whatever midfield position you play, because i don't know what lacrosse even is about. and to put it frankly, just because i major in sports medicine doesn't mean i care about sports.”

megan just stares, her mouth slightly agape trying to figure out what to say when you interrupt her.

“well i can–”

“let me stop you there,” you interject, holding your hand out to stop her. “you said you're ‘the star’ of the team, right?”

“yes?” megan sounds confused as she replies.

“then i’m sure you have plenty of other girls to ask to watch your game,” you say, emphasizing ‘plenty’. “sorry, but i don't get affiliated with athletes.”

megan can't even get a word out before you're walking past her, leaving her standing there confused and dumbfounded at the same time. did she really manage to fumble the first time she tried? that couldn't have gone any worse! she lets out a groan and drags her hands down her face.

“what the fuck…”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

megan skiendiel, the star midfielder of the lacrosse team. the girl who supposedly played with hearts like she did the game — controlling, entitled, insensitive. but also prone to injuries, self-absorbed, and egoistic.

at least, that's what everyone said when they spoke her name.

you’d be lying if you said you didn't hear her name fly around on campus. apparently she was the only thing good about the lacrosse team, so you weren't that surprised when she randomly spoke to you. with chaewon suddenly enamored with the sport, you unfortunately kept hearing things about the team — and megan.

then came the day. the day you actually went to a match. and also the day megan tore her acl. the day everything changed.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

“isn't this exciting?” chaewon asked you, practically jumping in her seat. “the first match you've seen and dani is starting!”

“right.” you nod. you know she only cares because this girl — daniela, she's been talking to was on the team, but you wouldn't say that out loud. all you’ve heard for the past three weeks was lacrosse. so you reluctantly went to this match after chaewon begged you to come with her.

your eyes are scanning the field, watching the players warm up and get ready before starting the match, and then you spot her. you don't even notice the way your eyes stay on her as she trots across the field like she owns it, but chaewon does.

“oh, i see what you're looking at!” she leans closer to you so she can see who you're looking at. “y’know, i think you two would be cute together.”

“what?” you let out, finally looking away and at your friend. “oh my god, no. i don't hook up with athletes.”

“true.” chaewon nods. “she’d probably cheat on you with some cheerleader anyways, no offense.”

“none taken,” you respond, but there's a tightness in the way you say it.

as if it couldn't get any worse, megan spots you on the edge of the bleachers. even with her helmet on she can see you, holding her stick up and waving towards you while smiling.

“oh my god is she dumb or something?” you grumble under your breath.

“what? did she say something to you?” chaewon asks.

“you didn't?–oh my god.” you groan, dragging your hands across your face. “i thought you told her to talk to me.”

“NO??? what did she say?!” chaewon exclaims, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you.

“calm down, jesus! fuck,” you tell her. “she just asked if i would come to see the game a few weeks ago. it's not a big deal.”

“what?!” chaewon yells, making people look over at you two. “and you didn't tell me or show up?!”

“obviously not.” you roll your eyes. “i thought she was just trying to hook up so of course i said i wouldn't go.”

“oh, well you're not wrong there.” chaewon nods, letting go of your shoulders. “still, it would be fun to brag that you managed to bag her.”

“i’m not here to ‘bag’ athletes, chaewon.” you scoff, the ‘tsh’ coming from the heart. “i’m here to get through school and not kill myself.”

“but it would be fun.” chaewon smiles.

“no.” you drag the word out. “plus–”

the whistle blows loudly on the field, signaling the game had started.

after watching the first half of the match, you can confirm you have no idea what the rules of lacrosse are. chaewon was terribly trying to teach you while the match went on, abruptly stopping every now and then when the team would score a point to cheer. but your attention was on something else. or rather, someone.

you don't know how megan usually played, given how you’ve never seen a match or her practice at all. but you could tell this wasn't her 100%. she looked like she was staggering across the field. being the midfielder meant she was essentially constantly running, either as offense or defense. but you could tell she was slowing down as the match progressed.

“something's wrong,” you murmur.

“huh?” chaewon looks over at you. “what do you mean?”

“her.” you point at megan. “something's wrong, she's not even keeping up with the others.”

chaewon’s mouth forms an ‘o’, and she notices it too after a moment. “huh, she's usually faster than the rest.”

you hum, nodding your head. your eyes don't leave the girl on the field, watching her every step until it happens.

one second megan’s running with the ball ready to shoot, and the next she's on the grass grabbing her knee letting out a yell that everyone could hear.

chaewon gasps beside you, her hand clasping over her mouth as paramedics arrive and take her out on a stretcher. you stare with wide eyes as they walk her off the field, her arm covering her face to hide the tears rolling down her cheeks.

a few days later came the news.

megan skiendiel, star of the lacrosse team, tore her acl and would be out for the rest of the season.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

you lived with chaewon off campus in a little apartment. two bedrooms, two bathrooms, one floor. perfect for you two. as much as you would say you hated it, you did enjoy being in the same place with someone you actually enjoyed talking to rather than a roommate you hated. you loved that girl to the moon and back, and you were incredibly grateful for her and that the two of you were able to live together. but you couldn't even consider or imagine another person being added.

sure, chaewon would bring girls over but then they would be gone the next day, so that never counted. kazuha had a girlfriend and was here more than anything. so that made it a little odd. but nothing you couldn't handle.

then came the day that you heard the loud, hurried knocking on the front door waking you up.

you groaned climbing out of bed, slowly making your way to the front door that the knocking wouldn't stop coming from. when you finally made it to the door, you opened it and froze.

why the hell were daniela avanzini and megan skiendiel standing in front of your door?

“hey, yn.” daniela smiles. “so uh, chaewon told me that you major in sports medicine and that you could tell this idiot was going to get hurt before she did. so, chaewon is gonna be hanging with me for a while and she said it would be a good idea to ask if you could help megan recover.” she finishes.

you blink twice. “excuse me?”

“it’ll just be for the recovery process,” daniela tells you. “all i’m asking is that you take care of her.”

“i’m not a babysitter.” you deadpan.

“you're literally the only person we know taking sports medicine,” daniela says.

“find someone else then,” you grit through your teeth.

“she tore her acl,” daniela prys.

“and do you know how long that takes to heal?” you ask. “si–”

“six to twelve months,” megan interrupts, making you finally look at her. “they told me i’d have to stay out for the rest of the season.”

“that's what happens when you strain yourself,” you tell her bluntly.

“this is pointless,” megan mumbles under her breath. “let's just go, dani.”

she shifts, and you finally see the crutches holding her up and the technical knee brace around her right leg, the swelling evident just from here. you feel your chest twist, and you're not sure why. you're also not sure why the next words came out of your mouth.

“wait. i’ll help you.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

“okay, let's establish some rules here.” you stand in front of the couch megan is sitting on.

“rules?” megan says, looking at you confused.

“yes.” you nod. “one, you aren't allowed to practice at all while you're here, excluding the physical therapy exercises that you have to do. if i see you go near that stick, i'm gonna beat you with it. two, do not bring any girls over. i don't give two fucks how you have to do it, but they aren't allowed in this house. i’m not going to deal with that. three, you can do what you want, just don't bother me with useless shit. i’m only here to help you make sure you don't hurt yourself more.” you tell her.

“cool uh except one thing,” megan says, clearing her throat. “where uh, where am i sleeping?”

her question makes you pause. you were just going along with this, you didn't think this far yet. “well…” you take a glance around. “i guess you can sleep in my room for now.”

megan raises an eyebrow. “are you sure? i don't mind sleeping on the couch or–”

“it's fine,” you cut her off abruptly.

megan eyes you for a moment, being able to tell you weren't totally for it. but she ends up nodding her head. “okay.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

you hadn’t slept on the couch since you moved in. you forgot how uncomfortable it was. you were tossing and turning all night, getting maybe an hour or two of sleep before you woke up to the sound of things crashing.

your body jerked up straight at the noise, staring straight into the kitchen where megan was standing, staring back at you with wide eyes.

“sorry!” she quickly apologizes, her face pink with embarrassment.

“it's fine.” you shake your head, rubbing your eyes and getting up. “what are you doing?”

“uh.” megan glances around. “making breakfast?”

you bite your tongue to keep yourself from saying something you shouldn’t, walking into the kitchen. you see the eggs out along with bacon and sausage, a scattered mess.

“go sit down.”

“what?” megan looks at you with wide eyes.

“sit. down.” you reiterate. “i’ll make something to eat.”

megan blinks, staring at you before realizing you're serious. “okay.” she nods, grabbing her crutches and moving over to the couch.

rolling your sleeves of your hoodie up, you start cooking. megan watches you from the couch, her eyes watching your every step as you move around the kitchen with perfect grace like it was second nature.

“you cook a lot?” megan asks randomly.

“huh?” you glance over at her. “i mean, i guess.” you shrug. “i’d rather cook than eat takeout, as much as chaewon despises that.”

megan hums, nodding her head, her fingers tapping her legs. “you think you could teach me some recipes?”

“what?” you pause. “yeah, sure.” you answer, not really paying attention as you put the food onto two plates and grab forks.

you head over to the couch and hand over the plate to megan, who takes it after staring for a second too long.

“thank you,” she says softly. shy, almost.

you just hum and sit down next to her on the couch, a reasonable amount of space between you two as you both eat in silence for a few seconds.

“this is really good,” megan tells you.

you pause mid-bite, not knowing how to even respond. “thanks.” is all you end up saying. you expect her to stop there, but she continues.

“what's your favorite food?” she asks, still eating.

“what?” you look over at her.

“‘m just asking,” megan shrugs.

you aren't sure what you're more confused by. her randomly asking questions, or her response being so nonchalant? ‘just asking’. but why?

you take a moment to think of actually answering her question. and you're not sure why you answer with the truth. “kimchi jjigae.”

megan hums, nodding her head while continuing to eat. “you get it a lot?”

“no.” you shake your head. “i haven't had it since.” you pause. “in a while.” you finish, looking back down at your plate and poking at the food.

megan nods again, glancing over at you. she notices you’ve hardly touched the food, while she's finished with it all like it was a mere snack. you're poking at it with the fork more than you’ve been eating it, but when she opens her mouth to speak, you stand suddenly.

“i got to get ready. can you give me five minutes?” you ask, grabbing the plate from her and walking back to the kitchen.

“yeah,” megan answers with a nod, watching you put the dishes in the sink before you head into your room.

walking into your room, you're surprised it's not as much of a mess as you thought it would become with megan staying there. you quickly get dressed, before you look at the picture taped to your vanity mirror. you mentally curse, grabbing it and opening one of the drawers to put it in, but stopping when you actually look at the image.

the last time you looked happy in a picture, going to disneyland with your family, only for your mother to up and leave by the end of it. tears form in your eyes without realizing, little droplets hitting the drawer and the edge of the picture.

“are you okay?”

you jump at the voice, quickly wiping away your tears and putting the photo away. you turn to see megan standing there, a worried look on her face that makes her look like a puppy as she stares at you.

“i’m fine,” you reply.

megan’s lips purse into a thin line, being able to tell the lie you're telling, but not being able to tell why. she hadn't even noticed the picture, being so exhausted she just laid down and fell asleep, she didn't even look around at the little decorations that you had on the wall or strung up over the bed.

“what's your first class?” you ask, trying to change the subject.

“trig,” megan answers.

you look over at her with confusion. “you're taking trigonometry?”

“yeah,” she mumbles, nodding her head. “my counselor convinced me.”

“wow.” you don't know what else to say.

“yeah.”

there's a silence that fills the room, and neither of you know what to do about it. your eyes are wandering around, but never quite staying on megan for more than a second. and megan hasn't taken her eyes off you.

“well, let's get going, then.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

“so, how was your first morning with the star of the lacrosse team?” chaewon asks you in the middle of your english literature class.

you grimace just thinking about how the morning went, not wanting to talk about it. “well, she woke me up trying to make breakfast so i had to make it myself, and when i tried to peacefully eat my food in quiet she keeps asking me questions like she actually wants to know shit about me,” you answer in a grumble, not even looking at chaewon.

“you cooked breakfast for her?” chaewon smiles, leaning closer to you. “what did she ask?”

“dumb shit,” you murmur. “if i cook a lot, if i could teach her some recipes, what my favorite food is.”

chaewon hums, nodding her head while tapping her pen on the table. “seems like she's interested in actually getting to know you.”

“ugh don't even say that.” you shake your head.

“what? it could be true!” chaewon argues.

“i don't care!” you retort. “i’m not doing this to make friends. i’m doing it to make sure she doesn't fuck herself up more like the idiot she is.”

“mhm.” chaewon hums, smiling. “you know maybe–”

“don't.” you point at her.

“i’m just saying, maybe hypothetically this will be good!” chaewon says.

“no, it won't.” you shake your head.

“uh-huh, whatever you say.” chaewon laughs.

you look back in front of you, your pen tapping irritatingly on the table.

you were doing this to just help, nothing more. just help. then she’ll probably never talk to you again. you could live with that. you didn't need her in your life anyways. athletes never stayed long, you knew that well enough.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

“okay, try moving your leg.”

megan sits in front of you on the couch, her leg brace taken off as you attempt to help her with the physical therapy they told her to do every day. had she been doing it? of course not. when you asked her and saw she was very clearly lying, you decided to enforce it and make sure she was doing them.

she lifts her leg barely a few inches before her face scrunches up in pain.

“okay, put it down,” you tell her, and she immediately does, letting out a little sigh.

“i hate this,” megan mumbles softly.

you feel a tug on your heart looking down at her. you can tell she's obviously still upset the whole thing even happened, and how terrible she feels having to deal with it. and it makes a feeling go through you that you hadn't felt in a really long time.

“i know,” you reply with a softness in your voice megan has yet to hear until now. “but you have to keep trying.”

megan looks up at you and nods. taking a breath, she slowly starts to raise her leg, managing to get it higher than the last time until she lets out a quiet whimper and her leg stops before falling back to its normal position.

“i’m sorry,” megan’s voice cracks, her hands balled into fists covering her eyes that were tearing up.

“hey, hey, it's okay.” you immediately reassure her. hesitantly, you reach for her hands, pulling them away from her face. “it’s okay. you are okay. this is just a little bump in the road. okay?”

megan nods, biting her bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

“what do you want to eat?” you ask.

“what?” she lets out.

“what do you want to eat for dinner?” you repeat. “i’ll make anything you want.”

“um.” megan sniffles, thinking for a moment. “any-anything is okay. i d-don't mind whatever. i-i’m allergic to cinnamon, though.”

“cinnamon?” you question.

“yeah.” she nods. “you can make whatever you want, though.”

you nod. “okay.”

and within the hour megan was sitting at the small dining table, her crutches leaned against the table next to her as you brought out the food and set the plate down in front of her. her eyes practically bulge out of her head at the sight.

“holy shit…” she murmurs to herself.

“what? you never get fed or something?” you say, sitting down on the opposite end of the table.

“uh, no. it's just,” megan pauses, trying to find the words. “i’ve never had anyone really cook for me before.”

her words make you freeze. maybe it's because you've been told those words to you before, or maybe it's because you’ve wanted to say it yourself. you’ve always been the one cooking for everyone, whether you were at home or in the apartment with chaewon and kazuha. you had done it since you were fourteen. it was just something you did. you always did.

you clear your throat, managing to get a response out. “well, get used to it. you need real food to recover properly.”

“yeah.” megan nods.

right, recovery. that's all this was. you were helping her recover, and then you would probably never talk to her again. it wouldn't be a surprise. the funny thing? she was already in far too deep.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

unlocking the front door, you open it and step inside with the grocery bags in your hands. closing the door behind you, you yell for megan.

and immediately you hear movement from your bedroom and the sound of crutches moving across the floor. within the minute, megan comes out and walks to you. “hey!” she smiles. “what is all that?”

“food. what else?” you reply, setting the bags on the table. “i thought since you keep bugging me about wanting to learn how to cook, we should start with something easy. and also baking. because i wanted to make a cake.”

megan blinks, surprised by the rambling from you as you go on about why you wanted to make a cake for no reason really except that you wanted something sugary, just with a lot of words. “yeah, yeah, okay.” she eventually says when you're done.

when you look up at megan, her breath hitches. just slightly. she finally sees an emotion in your eyes, rather than the same look that was always there. you were excited, and happy that she agreed. the kind of happiness she saw in that photo. the small smile on your face has her heart beating out of her chest. she doesn't even realize you're saying something until you snap your fingers in her face.

“megan? are you even listening?” you ask.

“huh?” she lets out.

“i said we should start with the cake, because it has to cook for a while,” you tell her.

“okay.” megan nods. “what type of cake are we making?”

“chocolate cheesecake.”

your smile grows bigger as you answer, and megan swears her heart stops beating for a second. for someone who rarely smiled, you looked even more beautiful when you did, megan thinks to herself. but then again, she thought you were beautiful in any and all ways.

“isn't cheesecake hard to make?” megan asks as you take everything out of the bags and set them on the counter.

“if you don't know how to, yeah.” you answer. “but i’ve made it every year. whether it's for christmas, a birthday, or something. so i'm fairly confident.”

“cool.” megan lets out. wow that sounded lame.

“alright!” you clap your hands together once everything is out and organized. “you ready?” you look up at her with a glimmer in your eyes.

“yeah.” she smiles.

megan didn't think making a cake would be difficult. had she done it before? no. but still! she didn't think it’d be hard. but she feels like she's been mixing the filling for hours, and when she looks over at you to ask if it's good, you tell her to continue, making her internally groan dramatically. she keeps glancing over at you as you make the crust for the cheesecake, gram cracker crust because that's what was “easiest” for you. she thinks you just wanted to show off, but she wasn't complaining.

“okay, i think it's good now.” you finally say, and megan’s arms and shoulders slouch as she finally stops mixing.

“thank god!” she groans.

“shut up.” you flick her forehead, making her yelp. “let's put it in so we can actually start cooking.”

“okay.” she mumbles while rubbing her forehead, looking like a puppy that just got scolded for getting on the couch. but the second a smile lights up on your face, she unconsciously smiles back.

“wait, what are we making?” megan asks, seeing the different ingredients on the counter.

“bolognese.” you answer. when you glance at her and see the confusion on her face, you explain. “it's an italian dish. it's a pasta noodle dish but with a different sauce. that's what makes it bolognese.”

“oh.” she lets out, nodding her head.

“it's not hard, like i said.” you reassure her. “it's just a simple pasta dish. and i won't have you make the noodles cause honestly i’m lazy right now.”

“you're capable of being lazy?” megan asks, a teasing tone in her voice.

“on rare occasions.” you answer in the same voice. “be glad i didn't start with something else.”

“oh how i am so grateful for you.” megan says dramatically, bowing to you.

“stop.” you shove her gently, laughing softly.

megan chuckles as she stands straight again. “i am, y’know.” she says, making you look at her confused.

“you are what?” you ask.

“grateful for you.” she answers like it's nothing. “you've been helping me a lot, and i’m really grateful for that, and for you.”

you can tell she's serious, and it has your face heating up the longer you stare into her soft brown eyes. you quickly look away, down at the ingredients. “well, you're welcome.” you murmur. “now let's get started.”

“okay.”

megan was cutting up the vegetables while you prepped the pots and pans, starting to boil the water and break apart the noodles. you told her to chop them finely, but she honestly didn't know what that meant. she figured you meant small, so she was cutting everything as small as she possibly could.

she didn't even notice you walk over and watch over her until you spoke up.

“those look really good.” you tell her, making her jump. “sorry.” you smile sheepishly at her.

“is it bad i didn't know what finely meant so i just assumed it meant small pieces?” megan responds, putting the knife down for a moment.

a giggle escapes your lips before you think. “that's alright. you're doing great. it goes in the sauce, so this is perfect.” you tell her, patting her head.

“really?” she looks down at you with her big eyes.

“yeah.” you nod, smiling. “just finish it and then we can start the sauce.”

“okay.” she quickly nods, going back to what she was doing.

another quiet giggle leaves your mouth at her reaction, going and starting to put the meat in a saucepan. you don't notice megan’s glancing towards you, either because she was wanting to make sure she did it right or purely because she just wanted to look at you so…free. you were moving around the kitchen like it was second nature, while she leaned against her good leg trying not to make it obvious that she kept looking over at you. thankfully, you were too busy getting the meat ready to realize that her eyes never strayed too far away from you.

“is this just fancy spaghetti?” megan asks once she's finished, putting the knife in the sink.

“no, it’s bolognese.” you answer.

“which you still haven't told me what that is technically.” she responds.

“it's…” you pause, not wanting to explain the small differences between the two. “yeah, it's basically fancy spaghetti.”

“wicked.” megan smiles.

you roll your eyes at her response, but the smile on your face remains there. megan notices, and her smile grows wider as you grab her by her sleeve and drag her over to the stove.

“okay, add everything.” you tell her.

she looks down at you with wide eyes. “everything?”

“yes.” you nod. “it absorbs into the sauce. that's why i told you to cut it finely.”

megan just nods, grabbing the cutting board of vegetables and sliding them into the saucepan.

“now, meat.” you slowly add the ground beef into the mixture. “some white wine.” you pour a splash of the wine in your pantry into it. “and simmer.” you put a lid on the top to cover the pan. “for two hours.”

“two hours?” megan’s jaw drops.

“yep.” you nod, clasping your hands together. “the sauce is the most important part. it's tedious, but it always turns out so good when it's finished. we could finish it in an hour, but i want you to taste it at its best.”

“oh.” megan lets out. “okay.” she slowly nods. “then what do we do now?”

“we wait.” you reply.

“cool.” megan nods again. “do you wanna sit down or?”

“yeah.” you say, walking over to the couch and sitting down. “the cake and sauce should finish around the same time. since you have to cool the cake obviously.”

“right.” megan nods as if she understands, but she doesn't at all.

a moment of silence passes between you two before megan speaks again.

“how long have you been cooking like this?”

“hm?” you look over at her. “oh, uhm. i don't know. since i was a teen, i guess.” you shrug, not telling the whole truth. “my dad didn't cook, so i took it upon myself to learn. i took home economics in school and that really helped me with the basics. the rest is really just following recipes and going through trial and error.”

“huh,” megan lets out. “you really know your stuff then, don't you?”

“i guess.” you shrug again, pulling the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands. “it's just always been this way since as long as i can remember.”

“well.” megan starts, making you look over at her. “i hope one day i can surprise you with a meal like this, just so you know it doesn't always have to be you.”

her words hit you harder than you thought they would. you don't know why, either. perhaps it was because this was the first anyone has said that to you, or maybe it was because it was megan saying it of all people. you weren't sure. but you could tell she's genuine, and that makes your heart rate go up, practically beating out of your chest. it would be nice, you think. to not be the one always cooking everything for everyone everyday. but, that's just how it was. that's how it always has been.

but maybe, you can let go a bit.

“holy fucking shit.”

megan swears tears form in her eyes when she takes the first bite of the bolognese after waiting over two hours just for it to be made. to say she was surprised would be an understatement, because she was far more than just surprised. “this is so fucking good, what the fuck?”

“don't be dramatic,” you try to act nonchalant about it, but you can't help but feel something at her enjoying it. “it's not that great.”

“shut up. i mean–don't take that seriously, i mean–it's just really good,” megan stumbles over her words. “i don't know how you did this.”

“it wasn't just me,” you reply. “you helped with it. you did a good job.” you smile.

megan’s cheeks turn pink at your words, the smile on your face making her quickly look down at the food in front of her. “thanks.” she murmurs.

“we’ll make something else next week.” you tell her.

“what?” megan looks back up.

“you want to learn other recipes too, right?” you ask, taking a bite of the food.

“i mean, yeah.” megan nods.

“then we'll make something else next week, deal?” you look at her expectantly.

“deal.”

ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

you never really celebrated your birthday or cared for it after your mom left. your father lost interest in everything, barely managing to keep himself together without giving two shits about you. so you stopped celebrating it. you cried every year, that was the only recurring thing that happened.

but you thought it would be different this year. you had chaewon and kazuha who were obviously trying to plan something judging by how they would go quiet when you would walk up to them only to say “nothing!” when you ask what they were talking about.

and then there was megan. you don't remember telling her your birthday, because to put it frankly, you didn't tell anyone. but you have a feeling she figured it out by how much she's been helping you around the apartment. you didn't want to ask her about how she figured it out, because what if she didn't and you were just overthinking that someone cared that much about you that they would go out of their way to find the little things you wouldn't show.

in the end, it didn't matter.

your birthday landed on a saturday this year, so thankfully you didn't have to go to any classes. but when you woke up, megan was already gone. it was odd, sure. but you weren't going to think about it too much. she probably didn't even know. so why should you be upset? you shouldn't be, but you still are. just a tiny bit.

you were alone for practically the whole day until kazuha showed up.

“you better be awake, yn!” kazuha’s voice echoes from your seat on the couch.

“obviously i am!” you retort loud enough for her to hear.

footsteps approach the living room, and kazuha stands there with gift bags and flowers in her hands.

“what are those?” you ask.

“gifts and flowers, obviously.” kazuha sets the items down on the coffee table.

“zuha–”

“shush.” she points a finger at you. “i wanted to do this.”

you just shut your mouth, leaning back against the couch with your arms crossed.

“oh! i have one more thing, too!” kazuha says before hurrying off back outside to her car.

and when she returns, she has a pot in her hands as she walks into the kitchen, making you look at her with furrowed eyebrows. you get up off the couch and walk over into the kitchen, and when you see what's in the pot, your heart stops for a second.

you look over at kazuha. “where did you get this?”

“i talked to your dad and he gave me the recipe for it.” kazuha answers, smiling.

“you made this?” you look back down at the food before going back to her.

“yeah.” she nods.

“this is amazing, zuha.” you say quietly.

“okay, let's open your gifts first before we eat.” she looks at you with a smile.

“fine.” you nod.

kazuha drags you back over to the couch where the gifts are, and you sit down beside her as she hands you the first one.

“this is from me.” she smiles.

you open the bag and reach inside, pulling out a polaroid camera, along with two boxes of film. “oh my god, zuha this is great!” you smile widely.

“i know you’ve been wanting one, and it was on sale so i got it.” kazuha smiles back.

“thank you so much.” you pull her into a hug.

“of course.” she says. “now, onto the next one.” she pulls away, and grabs a small box, handing it over to you. “this is from someone who didn't want to be named.”

you raise an eyebrow at her as you take the box. “is this just from chaewon and she wanted to be stupidly mysterious?” you question.

“no.” she shakes her head. “i won’t tell you who, though.”

“ugh, fine.” you roll your eyes.

you take the top off the box, and inside reveals a necklace. real silver, and it was two hearts entwined together in one. you carefully take it out of the box and hold it up, gazing at it for a few moments. “it's beautiful…”

kazuha smiles at your reaction. “i’m glad you like it. i’ll relay the message.”

“if it's chaewon–”

“it's not, seriously.” kazuha cuts you off.

“okay.” you mumble.

kazuha left a little later after you two ate dinner. which left you back alone in the apartment as the sun started setting down the horizon. you had a small bowl of the kimchi jjigae in your hands, eating it while watching a random sitcom that you were half paying attention to. you were honestly zoning out, taking bites of the food that was becoming cold from how long you had it out of the pot. not about one specific thing, but everything at once.

how many years had it been now since disneyland? how long had it been since you really celebrated your birthday? when was the last time you actually enjoyed your birthday? or just any day in general? you were starting to enjoy a few days — the days that megan was there. but she wasn't here now.

you grip the bowl tighter, not noticing the drops of tears landing in it the longer your mind wanders.

you didn't have anyone anymore. your dad didn't care anymore. he barely spoke to you, so you didn't even bother returning home for breaks during school. chaewon was busy with her love life and making sure she didn't fail out of her scholarship. kazuha was always doing something, whether it was practicing for a recital or something else. megan was there, but she wasn't at the same time.

you couldn't pinpoint your feelings on the athlete. you were starting to enjoy the days she was around. but then she would disappear, just like this. and you would hate her all over again. ‘she doesn't care’, you thought to yourself. you were just helping her recover, and then she would go back to being the star of the team, and you would be left behind. that's how it was going to go, you were sure of it. but you didn't want that.

part of you wanted her to stay, but part of you wanted her to leave. you couldn't tell if she was playing with your feelings on purpose or not, and that bothered you. did she even think before some of the things she said or did? or did she just do it without a second thought like you were any other girl?

you shake your head in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts, wiping the tears off your face and getting up to put your bowl away. you then go to your room, putting on a hoodie, and lay in your bed, curling up into a ball. just like every other year, it ended in tears.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

sitting on the couch of the apartment, you stared at the time on your phone lockscreen that kept going dark only for you to turn it back on again. an hour. megan was supposed to be back an hour ago. she was the one who wanted to have this stupid movie night, and you were stupid enough to believe that she would keep her word.

your phone turns dark again, and you let out an exasperated sigh. you debate on what to do, and you end up trying to call her, only for it to go straight to voicemail. again. you set your phone down and shake your head, blinking away the tears welling in your eyes.

“fucking stupid,” you mumble to yourself.

you pull the blanket off of you, leaving everything still on the coffee table and going into your bedroom to sleep in your own bed. if megan wasn't back already, then she probably wasn't coming back for the rest of the night.

you lay down on your bed, facing the wall and pulling the blanket on top of you. you try to ignore the emotions you're feeling, closing your eyes and taking deep breaths to not start crying.

“fuck you, megan skiendiel.”

when megan does return, it's hours later. she quietly walks in with her one crutch helping support her, and when she makes it to the living room, she stops abruptly.

fuck.

fuck fuck fuck.

you weren't on the couch, which meant you had to be in your room. megan glances around, guilt settling through her body and her throat closes up. she doesn't know what to do. you're definitely asleep by now, so there's no point in trying to talk to you and apologize right now.

she ends up just sitting there on the couch, staring at the black tv screen for a while, she didn't know how long until she fell asleep.

and when you wake up, you're livid seeing megan on the couch asleep sitting up. you just scoff quietly as you go into the kitchen and make your coffee, not giving a second glance to her. you grab your coffee and your bag, slip on your shoes and leave, closing the front door loud enough for megan to wake up startled.

megan realizes you're gone as the door slams closed, and she lets out a quiet sigh. “fuck,” she mutters.

she knew you were pissed, that was obvious. and she had no clue how to fix that. she knew she fucked up, and she didn't know what to do now.

in the end, she spent the day trying to figure out what to do. and only by the time it was an hour before you would likely be back, she started cooking one of the meals you taught her.

you walked into the apartment not wanting to talk to megan whatsoever. but the second you smelt something being cooked and stepped in seeing megan sitting at the small dining table with two plates on the table, you shake your head.

“is this your way of asking for forgiveness?” you ask, rolling your eyes and setting your bag down.

“i’m sorry about last night,” megan says, her eyes not meeting yours.

“so you cooked?” you say as you walk over, sitting down at the other end of the table.

“i tried.” megan nods. “it's the only one i remember completely.”

you hum, picking up your fork and trying a bite of the food. you're surprised by how good it tastes, even if you don't try to show it, it's evident in your eyes.

“it's good,” you tell her.

“really?” megan says.

the way she says it and looks at you with her big brown eyes has your heart racing as much as you would hate to admit it. she looks so genuine, like she actually values your opinion. and it has your anger slowly dissipating.

“yeah, really.” you nod, looking down at the food, trying to ignore what you were feeling.

she apologized, she made you dinner as a way of forgiveness, she seemed genuine. you can't believe just that managed to sway your mood and make you stop being mad at her. but you don't say anything else. you don't say how much you cried last night because of it. you don't ask what she was doing that was so important that it meant ignoring you like you were a second choice. you just sit there and eat, not noticing megan’s gaze on you.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

you weren't one for parties. in all of high school you maybe went to a total of three. you just didn't see the appeal behind them. a bunch of drunk people in one house? hard pass.

yet here you were, getting ready for this stupid party chaewon convinced you to go with her. you're not sure why you even agreed, but that had been happening a lot recently. you weren't going to start questioning it now.

putting on your earrings, you look at yourself in your vanity mirror and let out a short sigh. “whatever,” you grumble under your breath.

when you walk out of your room, megan is on the couch with her legs propped up on the coffee table. after getting her crutches removed, you told her she could leave, but she insisted on staying longer. you didn't ask why.

megan looks up when she hears you walk out of the room, and her breath hitches in her throat.

“you look really good.”

“what?” you let out, looking at her with confusion, but your cheeks are pink.

shit, did she say that out loud?

“n-nothing!” megan quickly shakes her head. “where are you going?”

“this dumb party chae wanted me to go to,” you answer, waving your hand like it was nothing important.

megan tilts her head to the side in the way that makes her look like a puppy, her eyes big and wonderingly. “i thought you didn't go to parties?”

“i don't,” you reply. “but she convinced me.”

megan nods, her eyes following you as you move across the apartment. before you leave the living room, she speaks up again.

“call me if you need anything,” she says without thinking.

you pause. why the hell would she say that of all things? would she even answer if you tried? she didn't answer any other time, so why would she even say that?

in the end, you just nod and give a short response. “okay, thanks.” before leaving the apartment.

immediately once you reach the frat house you are met with loud music, smoke from cigarettes and joints mixed, and the smell of alcohol everywhere. walking inside, it's chaos. like. chaos. with the amount of people and limited space, it was a given this was going to be crowded. but you didn't think like this.

“yn!!”

you look over to see chaewon rushing towards you, enveloping you in a big hug before pulling away.

“you actually made it!” she grins widely.

“yeah,” you respond with a nod. “i guess.”

“let's get you a drink!” chaewon grabs your hand before you can answer, dragging you to the kitchen where the drinks were.

“chae i don't think i should–”

“shhhh!” chaewon presses her index finger against your lips. “this is a party! you're going to have fun!”

“okay,” you sigh.

you don't watch as chaewon makes your drink. mixing alcohols with soda before handing it over to you.

“cheers!”

you don't know what time it is, probably past one in the morning as the party was starting to slowly quiet down. but it was still far from quiet. the music was loud in your ears, people talking bundled in between, and the sound of your heartbeat rushing all throughout.

“hey, yn!”

you look up from the cup in your hands to see eric, a friend of megan’s who was on the baseball team. you had only met him a couple of times, but he appeared to always be nice to you.

“hey.” you reply, a small smile on your face.

“are you alright?” eric asks, looking over you and being able to tell you were drunk by now.

“peachy.” you answer, taking a sip of your drink.

he hums, nodding his head. “so no megan tonight? i thought you two were like, close now.”

“well,” you start, then take a pause. “i’m just helping her recover. she’ll probably forget i exist once she's fine.” you finish, looking back down at your cup.

“ah.” eric nods, finishing his drink and tossing the empty cup aside. “well, do you wanna know what it's like to not be a second choice?”

“wh–” before you can get the words out, eric has you trapped between the wall and him, his arms on either side of you as he peers down at you. “eric, what are you–”

“you and i both know she's just using you ‘cause you're convenient. how many times has she bailed on you since you started helping her?”

the question makes your mouth go dry. you don't even want to answer, but the truth comes out before you can think. “almost every time,” you answer quietly.

eric nods, his eyes dark but somehow soft as he looks at you. “exactly,” he says. “how many times have you tried, and how many times has she ignored it? almost every time. you don't deserve someone like that, yn.”

his hand moves to cup your cheek, and you realize what he's doing. the only thing? part of you believes it. it was true, you’ve tried over and over again and got nothing in return. and still, you couldn't let go of her.

shaking your head, you swallow the lump in your throat and respond. “i can't let go of her. i can't.”

“then let me show you how.”

it goes down within seconds. one second he's leaning in, one second his lips touch yours, one second he's off of you, and the last second you're met with the familiar soft brown puppy eyes staring into yours.

“yn? yn, are you okay?”

you blink a few times, knocked out of your haze when you hear her clearly, and you look up at her with tears in the corners of your eyes.

“megan.” your voice cracks as you say her name, the tears threatening to leave your eyes.

you throw your arms around the athlete, and she stumbles back a step, grabbing onto you as you cling onto her like she's the only thing keeping you from falling apart. her heart breaks at the sight of you, and she feels her chest tightening and twisting. she didn't hear the conversation between you and eric, but she saw enough. she couldn't think before her fist connected with his face, or maybe she didn't think to think before she did it. she just acted and did it.

“let's go home, okay?” she says in a hushed voice that only you can hear. “can you walk?”

“i-i-he-i-” you can't get any words out, and megan takes that as a sign that you aren't even sure what's going on completely, hearing you mumble incoherently and smelling the alcohol on you.

“okay, we're going. don't worry." megan takes her jacket off, hooking it over your shoulders along with her beanie, securing it on your head. she takes a breath before picking you up bridal style and slowly making her way out of the house.

the air is chilly and cold the second megan steps outside with you in her arms, and you instinctively wrap your arms around her neck and nuzzle against her. she holds you closer to her as she starts to walk back to the apartment. thankfully it wasn't too far, but she was staggering a little bit after having to walk this much with just getting the crutches off. she glances down at you every now and then, your eyes closed as you rest your head against her chest, but your grip on her tight, as if you were worried she would let go.

once getting to the apartment, megan unlocks the door and steps inside. the lights are still on from her rushing out after getting the call from changmin that you disappeared out of sight from everyone, and your face scrunches up at the brightness, making you burrow further into the girl. she goes straight to your room, laying you down on the bed and pulling the blanket over you. she turns to leave, but you grab her wrist, making her stop.

“stay with me?” your voice is so quiet, megan can barely hear you. “just this once, please.”

megan hesitates, her heart clenching at your words. after a moment, she complies, laying down next to you and pulling the blanket over you both. you roll over onto your side, draping your arm across her as she lays on her back, making her eyes go wide as she looks over at you. you don't even know what you're doing to her.

“yn?” she whispers softly.

“mm?” you hum, your eyes closed and your breathing finally even.

“i think i’m in love with you.”

megan waits, expecting you to suddenly become sober and kick her out. but you don't. you put your face in her neck, whispering against her skin.

“i know.” and you press a little kiss on her neck.

megan’s breath catches in her throat, and when she glances over at you again, you're asleep. she lets out a quiet sigh, her eyes not leaving you as you sleep peacefully.

when you wake up the next morning, you're hungover beyond belief. your head is pounding, you have bags under your eyes, you're dehydrated. you feel like you're dead.

the sun is peeking through the curtain, and you know you’ve already missed your classes. you move around, and that's when you notice the jacket around your shoulders. you take the beanie off your head and look at it, recognizing both items as megan’s. but she wasn't in the room.

what the hell happened last night?

you slowly get up and leave your room, seeing megan sitting on the couch seemingly oblivious to everything. her head turns when she hears you, and she smiles a bit.

“morning, or afternoon, i guess.” she chuckles lightly.

“what happened last night?” you mumble, rubbing your eyes with your hand.

“changmin brought you back from the party i guess. i was already asleep.” megan shrugs, looking back at the tv.

“oh.” you let out.

part of megan is grateful you don't remember last night. and another part of her wishes you remembered so maybe you’d have a better liking of her. she just hopes that no one saw (everyone saw) and that no one tells you the truth. but she can't help but notice the tone in your voice when you respond. you sound disappointed almost, like you were hoping it was her who brought you back instead of changmin. but she couldn't admit the truth, she couldn't.

“do you want some coffee? i’ve already missed my classes.” you yawn, walking to the kitchen.

“sure.” megan responds.

you make the coffees without thinking of the party again. you don't entirely believe megan, but you would accept it. if it was changmin, at least you trusted him the most out of your guy friends. but that didn't explain her jacket on your shoulders or her beanie on your head. but you don't question it. you know better than to. questioning only led to arguments. you knew that. so you kept quiet. like you always do.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

you were going to lose your mind. or completely break down, whichever would come first. you were beyond stressed as it was heading into exams before winter break, and with your multiple classes, you were also exhausted.

you were getting snappy with people, or just straight up not talking. you weren't sleeping well, passing out on the couch whenever you would get back to the apartment as soon as your head would hit the pillow. you weren't eating much, either. all of which were noticed by megan.

despite telling her she could leave once her crutches were removed, she stayed. you don't know or ask why, but part of you likes having her around. even if it wouldn't last forever or much longer, it was nice for now.

you walk into the apartment with a long sigh, kicking your shoes off and putting your bag down. when you take a moment to breathe, you smell popcorn. with furrowed eyebrows, you walk into the living room and are met with megan on the couch, scrolling on her phone with a hoodie and sweatpants on, the hood over her head. you instantly spot the bowls of popcorn on the coffee table, and the tv is on netflix’s home screen.

megan looks up when she hears your footsteps, and she smiles, putting her phone down. “hey!”

“hey,” you respond. “what is all this?”

“well i noticed that you’ve been super stressed recently, and you clearly need a break. so to make up for it never happening, here is our movie night,” she tells you, holding her arms out wide.

you blink a few times, glancing around. “really?” you ask.

“yeah.” megan nods. “we can watch whatever you want. i also got some other snacks in these bags.” she holds up a convenience store bag.

you don't know what you expected, but it wasn't this. you didn't expect her to notice you’ve been stressed. you didn't expect her to do the movie night after she forgot the last time. but that was one thing about megan, she didn't do what you expected. because she wasn't like anyone else. she cared, even if she struggled to show it off. even if you couldn't see it.

“thank you,” you murmur, fiddling with the string of your hoodie.

megan doesn't respond for a moment, taken aback by you suddenly being quiet as you glance around the room once more. she can tell you're surprised, and she was hoping that was a good thing.

“of course.” she smiles. “c’mon, you can pick the first movie.” she pats the spot next to her on the couch.

you sit down beside her and she hands you the remote, and you begin scrolling through netflix as she opens the bags of candy she got. you quickly find a movie and press play before setting the remote back down and leaning back against the couch.

“what did you put on?” megan asks.

“scream six,” you answer, grabbing a bag of candy.

“there's six of them?” megan says genuinely.

“yeah.” you nod, popping a piece of candy in your mouth. “this one they're in new york.”

“what?” megan lets out. “i thought–”

“yeah, but this one is in new york because they wanted out of woodsboro.” you cut her off. “if you’ve seen five you would understand. it's the same four main cast from five. but hayden panettiere came back for this one. she ‘died’ in four, but i had a feeling she was still alive. i didn't think they'd get her back for it, though.”

megan blinks a few times, surprised. this is easily the most you've talked about something. something you obviously are interested in, and she just stares like an idiot as you continue to go on about the movie, essentially explaining the fifth movie so that she would understand this one. she doesn't even notice you’ve stopped talking now, realizing the movie has started when she hears the music, and she turns to the tv, hoping you didn't notice her staring.

roughly an hour into the movie you start feeling tired. it had already been a long day for you, but you didn't want to refuse megan when it was clear she put work into this. she was obviously trying to make you feel better. and surprisingly, it was working. you were distracted just long enough to make you forget about everything.

“you know,” you start, making megan look over at you. “the last time i did this was with my mom. we watched disney movies all night long. and then my parents took me to disneyland for my birthday ‘cause i loved disney so much. i thought everything was okay, but she was gone the day we were supposed to go back home.”

megan’s eyes go wide at your words, freezing in her spot. “yn…” she says softly. “i’m sorry, i-i wouldn't have–”

“it's okay,” you cut her off, shaking your head. “i’m enjoying this…a lot. i really appreciate you doing this for me.” your voice goes quieter the longer you speak. “no one else has ever done this.”

megan frowns, barely being able to hear your last sentence, but she does. she does and it makes her heart ache thinking that no one has even bothered trying, and how sentimental this was for you. hesitantly, she reaches her hand to yours, gently holding it. “i'm glad i was the first, then.”

you look over at her when she grabs your hand, her touch warm. you give a small smile, and move closer to her and rest your head on her shoulder. megan’s breath catches, and she prays you don't notice.

“thank you,” you whisper quietly. “i really needed this.”

“of course.” megan replies, squeezing your hand gently.

when megan looks down at you a few seconds later, you're asleep. head still on her shoulder, hand still holding hers. finally, you're sleeping after barely getting a couple of hours over the past two days. you look so peaceful like this, megan thinks to herself. it's the only time she didn't see your eyebrows scrunched together, or your eyes rolling every other sentence. you were content, and that hadn't happened in a while.

the movie isn't finished, but megan turns it off along with the tv. she glances down at you again, you're still sleeping soundly.

“guess i’m stuck here.” megan murmurs.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

okay, now you were going to lose it. if things could get worse, you would explode soon. you got through most of your exams, the only one left being the most important one. and you were not prepared for it in the slightest. you were going to fail, it was probably going to happen. you didn't have any optimism going into it.

to make matters worse, you found yourself distracted. distracted by megan. she was still in the apartment, and the longer she was there, you realized it.

you were in love with megan skiendiel.

it left a sour taste when it dawned upon you one day. you woke up late and she had made breakfast for you two, and insisted that you eat 'cause she knew you hadn't been eating a lot recently. as you ate in silence, you kept glancing at her. and when her eyes met yours, you quickly looked away, your face heating up. you knew then that you were too far gone.

but that didn't change the way you still hated her. you hated her for playing with your feelings. going from caring to disappearing at times. doing movie nights but forgetting half of them and not showing up until the next morning. not celebrating your birthday when you celebrated hers, making her a cake that was left untouched because she didn't show up. and when you found out she wasn't doing her physical therapy exercises and scolded her for it, she made the mistake of saying “you're acting like a mom, chill out.”

that was the final straw.

you never liked being compared to your mother, or any type of figure like that. your mom abandoned you and never came back. you were far from that. so what gave megan the right to even say that when you told her about your mom and how things went down? you weren't like your mother. you did everything to not be your mother. so when you were told it, it's as if everything came crashing down at once.

“where are you going?” megan asks from her seat on the couch as you walk out of your room, clearly dressed up for something.

“i’m going out,” you answer shortly, grabbing your phone off the coffee table.

“where?” megan continues.

“out.” you emphasize, finding your jacket in the dining room and slinging it over your shoulders. “i need out of this fucking house.”

megan’s eyebrows furrowed together at your words. you're upset. she can tell that much, but not what it's about. was it what she said earlier? she didn't think it would cause this to happen.

you're walking to the front door when you hear the quick footsteps behind you, and you feel a hand grab your wrist. megan swiftly turns you around and pulls you into her arms. and you freeze.

what the fuck is she doing?

“let go,” you grumble, trying to pry yourself out of her grip. but she's far stronger than you, easily being able to keep you in her arms like it was nothing.

“not until you tell me what's wrong,” megan says, her voice quiet and soft.

“let go, megan,” you try again. “fucking let me go!” you scream, starting to thrash against her.

megan stands there as you slap her chest trying to free yourself from her, seeing the tears already starting to trail down your cheeks.

“i’m not letting go again,” she says.

“you fucking–”

“i know.” she cuts you off. “just let it out, you’ll feel better.”

“fuck you,” you sob, finally breaking down and slouching against her. “fuck you.”

megan doesn't say anything more, just wrapping her arms around you and holding you close to her, pressing a little kiss on your head. the action only causes you to sob louder, staining her shirt with tears, but neither of you care.

“i can't do this,” you manage to get out through your cries. “i’m not–i can't.”

“it's okay,” megan tells you. “you're okay, i promise.”

“i hate you.”

“i know.”

you bring your head away from her chest, looking up at her with red, bloodshot eyes. “i hate you so much.”

“and i love you.”

you freeze. your eyes are wide now, looking at her with shock at the words that left her mouth and how nonchalantly she said them. did she mean that? or was she just saying it to get you to calm down? she didn't love you, she couldn't.

“no you don't.” you shake your head as your voice cracks, tears immediately building in your eyes again.

“i do,” megan says.

“don't say that.” you continue to shake your head. “you don't mean that.”

“i do.” megan’s hand cups your cheek, her thumb wiping away the tears gently. “i do. i swear to god, i do, yn.”

you stare back into her eyes that are practically pleading. she's serious. you know she is, but do you really want to go through what you did once already? could you handle it again?

“what about–”

“i don't give two shits about any of them,” megan cuts you off. “i wanted you. this whole time i have. this whole time i’ve been trying so fucking hard and you kept pushing me away–”

“you were running off to fuck other girls! how was i supposed to feel?!” you interject, more tears rolling down your cheeks. “you never showed up. i’ve done everything for you and i’ve gotten nothing in return. now you love me?”

“i made the kimchi jjigae on your birthday,” megan blurts out. “i talked to a friend and she gave me the recipe. i told kazuha to tell you that she made it.”

“what?” you blink.

“i-i remembered the first morning i was here and you said that was your favorite food but you hadn't had it in a really long time,” she says, starting to stumble over her words. “i-i got the necklace too, and t-the flowers. you told me that despite being cliche, roses were your favorite. fuck, i brought you home from that party and confessed but you were too drunk to remember and i left before you woke up because i knew you would never see me in that way.” she rambles.

you glance down at yourself, realizing you're wearing the exact necklace she's talking about. looking back at her, you take a shaky breath.

“you're serious?” you hesitantly ask.

“yeah.” she nods. “i totally get it if you think i’m lying or talking out of my ass but–”

megan’s interrupted by you kissing her. her eyes go wide and it takes her a second to process what's going on before she kisses back. your lips mold against hers perfectly, and she can faintly taste the lip gloss you put on beforehand, making her sigh into the kiss. your arms hook around her neck, pulling her closer to you as her hands slide down to your waist.

when you two pull away, you're breathless, looking up at her with bright eyes and a small smile on your face. megan stares down at you with wide eyes, making you giggle softly.

“you're like a puppy, you know that?” you say, tilting your head to the side.

“i’ve been told that before, yes.” megan nods.

“it's cute,” you mumble.

one of megan’s eyebrows raised, a smile forming on her lips. “you think i’m cute?” she asks teasingly.

“don't start.” you shake your head.

“sorry.” she smiles wider. a moment of silence passes over before she speaks again. “you still gonna go out?”

“no,” you answer. “i’m staying.”

“good.” megan pecks your lips, practically grinning now. “you wanna make a cake?”

“what?” you let out confused.

“well, i was originally going to tell you with a cake,” megan starts. “but i didn't get that far.” she laughs nervously.

“you were gonna make me a cake to confess to me?” you question.

“yeah.” megan nods, her face red.

“that's so sweet,” you murmur softly. “no one has made a cake for me, not even on my birthday.”

megan’s grip on you tightens slightly. “well get used to it,” she says, her voice genuine. “because i’m not letting you go.”

“you better mean that.” you respond, but looking into her eyes, you know she does.

“you know i do.” she smiles.

“yeah, i do.” you smile back.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

“the queen has returned!”

chaewon bursts in through the front door, yelling like she owns the place. you and megan were asleep on the couch, until she busted in like the police.

“yn! where are–holy shit!” chaewon gasps dramatically when she spots you and megan cuddled on the couch laid down. she stares at you two with her jaw dropped, waiting for you to say something.

“chae, don't–” you start, but are cut off again.

“i knew it!” she exclaims. “i fucking knew it!” she laughs happily. “i don't want to say it but i told you so!”

“whatever.” you grumble, curling into megan more.

megan’s arms are securely wrapped around you, bringing you closer to her when you cuddle into her further. she just giggles lightly at your response. “hi chae! how's dani?”

“bored as hell without her ‘partner in crime’ she calls you,” chaewon answers, setting her bag down and kicking off her shoes. “but she's amazing!”

“don't start.” you tell the korean, already hearing enough over the past few months.

“you're just upset it took you way longer to get in a relationship than me!” chaewon retorts, sitting on the lounge chair. “you should be grateful! i set all this up!”

“...what?”

chaewon freezes, realizing what she just said. “uhm, well! you see–”

you lift your head off megan’s chest to look at chaewon properly. “are you saying you told daniela to bring megan to me?”

“yes.” megan answers for chaewon. “well, i-i technically asked.”

“what?” now you look at megan with confusion.

“i’ve had a crush on you for so long and then you didn't even know who i was when i asked if you wanted to come to the game so when i tore my acl i asked if i could be brought to you to help.” megan replies, mumbling fast.

you blink a few times. “wait. you're saying you’ve had a crush on me since before all this?”

“yeah.” megan mumbles with a nod, her fingers playing with your shirt.

“that is so sweet.” you say, making megan look at you. you cup her face with your hands, smiling at her. “you're so sweet, megs. you know that?”

megan just shakes her head, not trusting her voice to speak for her. your smile only grows bigger and you press a quick kiss on her lips. “i’m glad you asked.” you say.

“get a room!” chaewon yells.

“shut up!” you throw a pillow at her making her yell again.

megan just looks up at you with a smile as you start bickering with chaewon. she's glad she asked too. because then she wouldn't have officially met you, she probably would've recovered a lot slower, and you got to become hers. she will always be grateful for that.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

“can you believe you first swore you would never see a lacrosse game?” chaewon laughs as she sits beside you on the bleachers.

“shut up.” you retort.

“hey, at least you bagged the lacrosse star!” chaewon shoved your shoulder gently.

“yeah.” you nod, rolling your eyes.

as if on cue, megan walks out onto the field. she scans over the bleachers for a second, and she grins when she sees you, waving her stick around like she did at the first game you went to. the only difference was the smile you had planted on your face rather than a scowl. you wave back to her, and her smile somehow grows wider before she hurries off to the rest of the team.

“losers.” chaewon says with a laugh.

“says you.” you reply. “you abandoned me with her so you could stay with daniela, loser.”

“and that got you what you have now.” chaewon just smiles.

“you–”

you're cut off by the whistle blowing, and the match starts. you still didn't completely understand the sport, and megan wasn't the greatest at explaining what her actual position was. ‘uh, everything kinda?’ were her words when you asked what she did as a midfielder. but, you knew enough to not be bored the whole time. that being said, it was also easy when you were only paying attention to one player.

every time megan scored a point, the crowd would cheer. but her eyes always seemed to find you past her helmet, grinning widely showing her whisker dimples. you couldn't deny it, she looked incredibly happy on the field. you could tell that this was her passion, what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. and a warm feeling radiated through your chest as the whistle blew signaling the home team had won.

you stand up along with chaewon, clapping happily as megan comes running forward to you. she takes her helmet off and leans against the bleachers, grinning at you.

“see? told you i’d play better with you watching.” she says to you.

“uh-huh.” you nod, cupping her face in your hands. “whatever you say, loser.”

you lean in and press your lips against hers. and despite the cheering and clapping around you, it felt like it was just you two in the moment. and when you pull away, you have a matching smile on your face.

“you wanna go and get something to eat?” you ask, fixing her messy hair from the helmet.

“like, out?” megan asks.

“yeah. my treat.” you respond, smiling at her.

“hell yeah.” megan smiles back.

“good.” you kiss her cheek.

megan hurries off the field to go to the locker rooms and change, which is when you part ways with chaewon as you head back into the school.

looking down at your phone while waiting for megan, you don't even hear her coming from behind until a pair of arms wrap around you and lift you off the ground to spin you around making you let out a yelp of surprise.

“sorry! i had to!” megan laughs before putting you down. “did you see me out there?”

“i saw everything.” you answer, putting your phone away in your pocket. “you were great, mei.”

“it's all ‘cause of you.” she says smoothly, her arms wrapping around your waist. “i wouldn't have done it without you.”

your cheeks heat up at her words, and you shake your head, hooking your arms around her neck. “i suppose that's true,” you pause. “you don't regret asking me and not someone else?”

“not one bit.” megan answers without hesitation. “i don't regret anything. except the dumb decisions i made, those definitely.”

you laugh, shaking your head. “yeah, i’m sure.”

“yn?” she says.

“hm?” you peer up at her.

“i love you.”

your eyes softened, a small smile curling on your lips. “i love you too, loser.”

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