hypnotiscd

[hypnotiscd]

" drats , caught me . i never go anywhere without my human remains . safety blanket thing . " nadia teases , before flashing a quick grin at gabi . she gestures vaguely to the cigarette in her mouth , the smoke billowing out , mixing it with the cold air . " those things will kill ya . " she adds cheerfully . she nods towards the closed sign . " fuck . i get it wrong every end of year . " t'is the season for things to be closed and open sporadically , and despite having lived here for almost 16 years , nadia still never gets it right . nadia brightens though , at gabi's offer . " it's not a full load , if that sweetens the deal . and i can even come back bearing a beer or three for you . "

open starter. dec, 26th. landromat.

most  businesses  closed  over  the  festive  season  but  gabi  didn't  see  the  point  .  those  days  were  just  like  any  other  to  her  ,  her  association  with  her  family  one  of  love  but  exceptional  strain  .  she  was  a  lone  wolf  in  all  the  ways  that  mattered  ,  carrying  the  financial  burden  on  her  shoulders  as  if  she  had  been  asked  to  ...  a  part  of  her  believing  in  the  permanency  of  their  doom  in  red  creek  ,  an  untimely  union  with  misery  that  she  would  be  an  idiot  to  fight  against  .  rage  ,  rage  ...  against  the  dying  of  the  light  ,  do  not  go  gentle  into  that  good  night  ...  or  whatever  bullshit  that  one  guy  wrote  ...  it  sounded  about  right  .  they  might  have  been  doomed  but  gabi  was  sure  as  shit  that  she  had  something  to  say  about  it  along  the  way  . she's  leaning  against  the  door  ,  closed  sign  still  spun  as  she  exhales  smoke  into  the  cold  air  .  the  approach  of  the  other  doesn't  startle  her  ,  she  already  sees  them  a  mile  off  ...  "  as  long  as  there's  no  human  remains  in  your  basket  then  i'll  let  you  in  ,  "  dry with a sprinkle of humour .

[hypnotiscd]

it is strange to see someone half living half dead in front of you . she feels like that whenever she goes back to her parents house , which has sat untouched for years now . a shiver sensation wraps its way around nadia as she opens then closes her mouth dumbly . YOU ARE MY BROTHER , she wants to say . but she doesn't . I'M MEANT TO LOVE YOU , she wants to say . but she doesn't . she isn't sure she knows how to love someone she never knew . nadia heard his band played around local towns , would see the posters hung up , his half-familiar face splayed on them . she'd hear some girls chat about interviews or youtube videos . she knew vaguely of zak's existence . for a long time she used to write him imaginary letters . ' dear zak . one day you'll return and then we can go away together , i know i'm young but i can be on your tour bus with you and i can help you , i'm an ok cook and i'm funny i think . i am small and can sleep anywhere even on the floor . ' nadia swallows thickly now , tries to remember to allow breath to fill her chest . when zak flips his wallet shut , nadia finds her eyes drawn to the now empty space for a long time . HE CARRIED THEIR PHOTO WITH HIM ? THIS ENTIRE TIME ? her eyes slowly move back up to him , trying to fill in the blanks of which he is plenty . he looks so sickly , like a patient that should be in a hospital ward , taken care of . nadia wants to see herself here , on his bones and skin , but she's scared about what she may find . she cannot look at him for too long , so instead she takes a small step back again , out of habit , self protection , more than anything else . " breakups suck . " she allows herself to say , although the words sound dense and pathetic , sodden and ruined , in the air between them .

" cool . . that's good . getting sober is like . super hard , right ? " she sounds idiotic , even to her own ears , words half-robotic . she cannot recognise her own voice , because she can not imagine any world in which her and zak did actually become reunited after so long far away . she used to reach her grubby hands up to touch photos of zak along the home mantlepiece . ' zakaria ' her mother would sigh , with a tipsy laugh , before looking at nadia's father indulgently . ' off to rock the world ' , ' that's my kid ' her dad would agree, with a wicked grin , followed by a terrible air guitar impersonation . IT BECAME LESS FUNNY THE OLDER NADIA GOT . " coffee ? " nadia repeats , too stunned to carry her usual wit . " you want to get coffee with me ? " duh , nadia , there's nobody else here . a soft wind blows against them and nadia hugs her coat tighter to herself . " how'd you know i worked here ? " she asks , after a long , lingering pause . THERE'S SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS TO BE ASKED . where does she begin ? she wants to flip through them all carefully , like a rolodex , run her fingers over the edge before picking up the exact right one . nadia nods , finally . " yeah , sure . okay . a coffee. " she tests what it might feel like to have an older brother : " you're paying . also you look like shit . guess i got all the hot genes in the family, huh ? " the words mumble out , almost only to herself , unsure how else to clumsily spill them . nadia shakes her head at herself. " — sorry . bad joke . " i've never done this before . i don't know how to talk to you .

she  remembers  him,  and  maybe  there's  supposed  to  be  relief  -  an  instant  reassurance  that  goes  beyond  words,  that  heals  like  a  salve  over  the  worst  of  his  wounds.  maybe  there's  supposed  to  be  relief  -  but  zak  only  feels...  stiff.  a  body  put  in  the  morgue  without  confirming  the  signs  of  his  life.  he's  half  -  thawed  out,  all  wrong  angles,  skin  tinted  blue.  isn't  he  supposed  to  feel  whole,  now?  whole,  again?  whole,  as  a  person?  isn't  seeing  nadia  supposed  to  -  wake  something  up,  inside  him?  his  skin  is  buzzing.  itching.  maybe  there's  supposed  to  be  relief  -  but  it's  not  something  he  feels  with  her.  towards  her.  he  fights  against  the  nausea  that  churns  inside  him  as  her  eyes  flicker  between  the  photo  in  his  hand,  to  him,  to  all  of  him.  it's  not  a  scrutinizing  gaze,  just  confused  -  a  girl  trying  to  put  together  the  puzzle  pieces  of  her  brother.

his  laugh  is  an  unfamiliar  sound;  it's  short,  awkward  -  sniffling  as  his  thumb  sweeps  beneath  his  nose.  "we,  uh  -  broke  up,  not  too  long  ago.  so  i  guess  i'm  retired  now.  got  a...  shit  pension,  out  of  it."  the  photo  disappears  inside  his  wallet  again  as  he  flips  it  shut,  shoves  it  back  inside  his  pockets  alongside  his  hands.  shoulders  roll  back  only  to  freeze;  eyes  blinking  wide  and  blindsided  by  nadia's  following  question.  zak  sucks  in  a  breath;  hesitates  for  just  a  moment  too  long.  "no,"  and  he  knows  it  sounds  like  a  lie,  despite  being  the  truth.  "i,  uh  -  i  don't...  i'm  sober.  i  don't  -  do  anything.  anymore.  i  don't  do  anything  anymore."  he  doesn't  wake  up  reaching  for  the  half  -  empty  bottle  on  his  nightstand,  he  doesn't  rub  powder  against  his  bleeding  gums,  he  doesn't  play  the  drums  -  he  doesn't  hesitate  on  her  contact,  or  their  parents',  or  any  of  his  bandmate's.  zak  doesn't  do  anything;  including  live,  at  least,  in  a  way  he  knows  how  to.  his  head  feels  heavy,  a  fawn  whos  only  sprouted  one  antler.  “do  you  -  do  you  want  to  get  a  coffee?  diner's  -  open.”

[hypnotiscd]

nadia looks around ghosts in the attic and sees junk . she always has . not in monetary value , of course , but in the means in which they were procured . she never understood how azi could happily take something from a dodgy seller and disregard how it came to be . the items in question were fascinating , intricate , beautiful . but it left a foul taste in nadia's mouth that it never seemed to leave in azi's . IT WAS ANOTHER REASON ( on a long list ) OF WHY THE PAIR COULD NEVER WORK . azi saw things as just that : things . he looked at people and moments as things to be taken . nadia always had a hard time not feeling sentiment among them . " oh , my apologies . i had no idea i needed to tell my boyfriend ' hey maybe don't flirt with other people and almost have sex with other people while we're together ' . " she shoots back , in amusement , although she remembers how UNAMUSING it used to be . the way she'd question him about who he'd been in the bathroom with , what they'd been doing . nadia will forever be murky and unsure on whether he actually did cheat on her . some things are not worth knowing . it doesn't matter , because none of it does , because azi is pulling her in for a hug that is a practiced dance and movement for the both of them . she folds into his arms and inhales deeply his familiar scent . nadia allows her eyes to close as she embraces him . her heart slows , before matching his beat in a timely manner . " i don't like your company . " nadia grumbles out , out of obligation , before she pulls away from him at the same time he does . the pair don't linger in the way they used to . there's a lot of things they don't do anymore that they used to . as nadia waits for azi to lock up , then follows him back to his place , she sneaks a few additional glances at him . azi has always been painfully flirtatious . an easy person to laugh with , to feel magnetic towards . HE HAS A PULL . nadia thought she escaped it , but everytime she's back with him , she feels it zap through her yet again . in a blink , nadia is sprawled across azi's couch that still dips in the middle . she lies against it and feels deja vu of the many times they'd spend afternoons here together . the moments of just them were always her favourite because she never had to worry about his wandering eye . when it was just her and him , he only could focus on HER . now , she holds her glass precariously in one hand , gesturing as she speaks . when nadia blinks again , she realises she's a bit more tipsy then she intended . " i forgot how strong you make your fucking god damn drinks . " she murmurs out , before laughing and shaking her head . " tell me your favourite part of this year . " nadia slings her head back , eyes half-lidded and closed , but she keeps him in her sight . HE'S ALWAYS IN HER SIGHT . she can't not look at him . " i like that you're always the same . " nadia adds , with a suddenness . she sits up more , almost sloshing liquid , but not quite . she's careful in her erratic movements . " i always know exactly what i'm gonna get with you . "

azizi  smirks  at  nadia’s  jab  ,  his  hand  pausing  mid  -  motion  as  he  adjusts  a  collection  of  tarnished  pocket  watches  .  he  doesn’t  bother  defending  himself  —  it’s  too  easy  to  let  her  words  wash  over  him  ,  familiar  and  biting  in  the  way  only  she  could  manage  .  “  dodgy  ?  you  wound  me  ,  ”  he  drawls  ,  the  corner  of  his  mouth  quirking  up  into  a  grin  .  “  and  for  the  record  ,  i  don’t  hoard  stolen  goods  .  i  curate  treasures  with  questionable  origins  .  there’s  a  difference  .  ”  his  voice  drips  with  faux  indignation  ,  but  he  knows  she’s  just  winding  him  up  .  she  always  does  .  he  leans  against  the  counter  ,  crossing  his  arms  as  he  watches  her  .  her  mock  offense  makes  his  grin  widen  ,  though  her  retort  about  making  him  ugly  strikes  something  deeper  .  he  remembers  those  parties  ,  the  way  her  eyes  would  follow  him  when  he  got  too  close  for  comfort  to  somebody  else  .  he  remembers  the  sting  of  her  voice  when  she  called  him  out  later  .  azizi  doesn’t  say  anything  for  a  moment  ,  just  studies  her  ,  the  weight  of  the  past  settling  between  them  like  smoke  .  “  touché  ,  ”  he  finally  says  ,  his  tone  lighter  than  the  moment  feels  .  “  but  if  you  wanted  me  to  stop  flirting  around  ,  you  could’ve  just  told  me  .  i  probably  wouldn’t  have  listened  ,  but  ,  y’know  .  communication  and  shit  is  the  key  .  ”  his  grin  softens  as  she  steps  back  ,  the  shift  in  her  expression  not  lost  on  him  .  the  playful  edge  of  her  voice  ,  the  slight  flush  on  her  cheeks  —  it’s  a  dance  they’ve  done  a  thousand  times  before  ,  even  if  they’ve  tried  to  stop  .  he  watches  her  for  a  beat  too  long  ,  then  straightens  ,  running  a  hand  through  his  hair  with  an  exaggerated  sigh  .  “  fine  ,  no  sex  ,  ”  he  teases  ,  his  voice  low  and  almost  mocking  .  “  i’ll  keep  my  hands  to  myself  ,  scout’s  honor  .  ”  he  raises  two  fingers  in  solemnity  ,  instead  of  three  (  he  doesn't  know  jack  -  shit  about  the  scouts  )  .  grabbing  his  jacket  from  the  back  of  the  chair  ,  he  drapes  an  arm  around  her  and  pulls  her  close  for  a  hug  —  a  delayed  embrace  he  should've  done  the  moment  he  saw  her  .  “  come  on  ,  ”  azi  takes  a  step  back  and  gestures  towards  the  door  with  a  slight  nod  .  “  we’ll  call  it  a  ‘  no  -  pressure  drink  ’  at  my  place  .  you  can  pretend  you  don’t  still  like  my  company  while  i  fix  something  up  for  you  .  ”

[hypnotiscd]

" t'is the season ? " nadia offers up , with a subtle smile and a slight shrug of her shoulders . her eyes levitate to hana because hana is someone who can make anyone stand to attention . she's charismatic in a way that means she was born to be a star , born to be watched . born to be adored . whether any of that is actually true is A MYSTERY , but nadia has always relished in the attention and conversation hana offers up . she's fun . in a place like redcreek, fun is sorely needed . nadia laughs well-naturedly at hana's exclamations . " look , i'm not for christmas and all that stuff , but i long ago gave up wearing my grinch hat . i'm retired . " she informs hana , before glancing around in surprise , almost hoping somebody else has appeared . but no , the store is as quiet as it has been for a few days now . it's only her and hana , which means . . . hana means HER . " me ? a reading ? " she repeats , eyebrows rising up . despite working here , she's always tried to stay away from readings . it's not that she's NOT a believer . more so that maybe . . just maybe . . she's a bit scared of what she'd find . " i don't know if i'm . . . you know . . . are my chakras open enough for this sorta thing ? " nadia asks , unease twanged in her tone . she shakes out her short hair . " what does it entail anyways ? i've never gone behind the glass curtain . " AND FOR GOOD REASON .

🗝️ closed starter for nadia * @hypnotiscd ! 📍 sisters of the moon.

☾ ⋰ a slow day around sisters of the moon guarantees two things : (1) hana is free to stray from her back room & (2) someone in the shop loses their claim to a quiet day. the burden of her company falls on nadia today, with hana claiming an empty seat next to her at the front desk. ❝ how could a day be so boring ? ❞ she puffs out dramatically, hand falling into the cradle her own hands. ❝ with everything that's going on lately, i know people are curious. wouldn't you wanna poke the universe a bit, ask the cards some questions ? ❞ then, it's like the world's greatest idea has popped into her mind. ❝ duh, you ! do you wanna do a quick read ? ❞

[hypnotiscd]

[hypnotiscd]

" ew . " nadia concurs , nose scrunching up for a brief moment . she takes in her friend ( her one reliance left in this life ) , eyes moving up then down . for the most part , bronte looks like she's doing ok . the hurricane of the front pager on the register has subsided . with wanted posters flying up instead and the streets getting quieter from fear and the end of year approaching . . . not as many people are whispering about bronte and daniela anymore . at least not to nadia , who'd purse her lips and narrow her eyes at anyone who'd try . " so . . . we're , like , not talking about it , right ? " she verifies , before gently shouldering past bronte and making her practiced way into the house . " because new years is coming up , and while i'm not a believer in ' new year , new me ' , i am a believer in c'est la vie-ing this year behind . " it's been a strange one . a sad one , after all . it's weird to walk past houses you've walked past your entire life and know that alaina and daniela aren't in them anymore . the thought . . . the reminder , it pings within nadia like a phone signal and she looks at bronte again . SHE SAID THEY WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT BUT . . . . anyone with eyes knows that daniela meant something to bronte . " i'm sorry , by the way . " the words are awkward and slightly stilted . nadia sighs , closes her eyes for a moment , allows herself to not shield her words with sarcasm instead . " about daniela . her not being here anymore . . . it must be really hard on you . "

‧₊˚ (  💉  ) : there is a weight that falls off her shoulders the moment she sees nadia, the second she heard the knocks on the door in the familiar tune the two had created together. it felt like she could breathe again. the last weeks had been a rotation of people, of questions disguised and of statements shouted, and in all that time nadia had given her space. it's as if she knew when to be there and when to give her breathing room, she knew when bronte needed the time alone and knew when exactly to show up. for a moment, she does nothing but soak her in. nadia goes on a tangent but bronte hears nothing, she's committed to memorizing her features as if there'd be a moment where she might forget them. the compliments breaking her out of the spell, eyes rolling fondly as the door finishes swinging open. inviting her in. " i'm just lucky they got my good side, " one hand digging into the presented bag, "we aren't vandalizing ricardo's place though, not giving the dick anymore ammo. we know he's the type to sue just for the hell of it. he'll probably take a photo of me going into the station and get off on it. " nose scrunching at the thought. she knew ricardo's type, she knew ricardo. he wasn't from red creek, there was no tie to the town regardless of the complicated feelings the natives seemed to carry, to him they were some form of reality tv. entertainment, pawns.

[hypnotiscd]

nadia holds up her hands in faux - innocence . " sue a girl for trying to have some fun . " the fun in question being scaring carlos , so . . mission achieved ! she grins at him , all teeth . " i don't know if you noticed but the killer seems to be targeting girls , because . . .misogyny , and the boogeyman is probably an incel . so . . dear carlos , i think you're safe. " at his implication that she may be the murderer , she pretends to hold up her hand , mimicking a knife in it . " i don't think there's anyone at redcreek worth killing . " nadia shrugs . " no offence to daniela and alaina , i mean . it's just not my cup of tea . but is it yours ? are you killing people because you're an incel , carlos ? "

𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘.　behind redstone bar, 11:30pm 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛.　anyone

𝗿𝗲𝗱  𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗸  𝗶𝘀  𝗮  𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗸  𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲.  no  matter  how  much  carlos  tells  himself  he  should  leave,  that  there  are  so  many  reasons  he  should  get  the  hell  out  and  return  to  life  as  he  knew  it  (  despite  the  potential  consequences  they  could  face  if  ever  ████████  )  they  stay.  carlos  stays,  trapped  between  its  tragic  grasp  and  forced  to  watch  its  horrific  history unfold.  under the impression of being alone, carlos  jumps  at  the  sudden  noise,  nearly  dropping  the  cigarette  held  between  their  fingers.   “  jesus,  f  —  dude!  you  can't  be  doing  that  anymore,  there's  like,  a  killer  out  and  shit!  ”  brief pause,  eyes  narrow  at  the  person  standing  before  him.  it  doesn't  help  that  his  response  to  all  this  is  misplaced  carelessness,  the  kind  that  could  make  you  the  first  kill  in  a  horror  flick  —  not  the  kid  who  trips on air,  but  the  one  who  stands  face  to  face  with  the  killer  and  laughs  in  disbelief.  “  unless  . . .  the  killer's  you.  is  it  you?  ”

[hypnotiscd]

SANTA CLARITA DIET | 3x10 The Cult of Sheila

[hypnotiscd]

NADIA IMMEDIATELY REGRETS THIS . she's never been a great flirt ( most people don't warm to her sarcasm and dry responses ) , and isn't much of a one night stand girl either . now , she stands before this person and feels limpness hang off her like the latest shirt in her closet . " are you new here ? " she asks them . there's a certain shine that newbies always have when it comes to redcreek . the british lilt to their voice is almost offensive , and nadia holds back a wince at how out of place it sounds in this bar . she inhales deeply , allows her chest to expand with the crispness , then looks back at her glass in her hand . this person may look out of place , but it's nadia who FEELS out of place . their next words makes nadia pause , as if walking up a staircase , unsure of where the next step is . she allows herself to look back up at him and can't decide if she should laugh . but they seem to be as serious as ever . IRRELEVANT AS FAR AS YOU'RE CONCERNED . . . it's maybe the nicest thing anyone's said to her in a very long time . she's not a romantic , definitely doesn't fall for lines , but there's something so needy , stringent and desperate within her that clings to his words . " and what does my body language say ? " she opts to ask , one side of her mouth curves up , trying to hide the smile , the bashfulness that she so adamantly refuses to feel . IT'S THE ALCOHOL , she tells herself .

there's a reason she picked him . the fresh eyes . the black gelled curls , the skin that is tinged in a pretty shade of pink . the porcelain carved cheekbones , matched with a jawline that looks sharp enough to cut the umbilical chord of their hypothetical first child . nadia KNOWS hot people . she's surrounded by them . she's one herself . but they all smell the same after a while , when they're in redcreek for long enough . and this person . . . they don't have that smell yet . her eyebrows fly up , and a laugh does cough out at the emphatic-ness of which they speak with . she inhales , exhales , chances another glance over her shoulder where zak's eyes are especially prominent . THIS PERSON DOESN'T POST A THREAT TO HER . she tells herself that because that's how she's kept herself safe and alive for this long . " i don't do falling . " nadia replies and crumples herself onto the stool he's kicked out . " but thanks . you were a footballer ? damn . first red flag . and you were off to such a good start . "

somewhat  new  in  town  still  meant  he  could  pull  a  tramp  here  and  there  (  no,  no,  not  like  that!  like  the  disney  movie!  jesus  christ  )  and  so  he  does.  despite  how  his  third  decade  bites  at  his  ankles  like  a  rabid  dog,  he  frolics  as  though  he  is  still  a  carefree,  doe  -  eyed  puppy  in  a  field.  frolicking,  in  this  case,  is  being  perched  on  the  edge  of  a  barstool,  both  hands  cupping  the  condensation  spilling  over  the  froth  of  his  glass,  shoulders  swaying  back  and  forth  in  a  jaunty  seaside  current  to  the  tune  belting  out  over  every  conversation  pending.  (  there's  nothing  a  northcott  hasn't  done.  how  the  fuck  does  he  not  get  bored?  oh,  wait.  everything  is  boring.  everything  is  useless.  everything  is  ———  )  like  a  moth  to  flame,  movement  is  what  draws  him  out  of  that  weird,  crimson  -  filled  room.  god,  he  hates  that  part  of  his  mind;  who  invited  that  joy  -  killer? 

curious,  cocktail  -  brightened  irises  look  at  her  as  she  walks.  he  appreciates  how  she's  got  moves  too:  the  full  swish  of  her  hips,  the  slight  lilt  to  her  step. he's  got  his  eyes  on  her  abdomen;  he's  studying.  it's  not  visible  or  whatever,  but  he  has  an  imagination.  same  with  the  curves  of  her,  underneath  silk  and  straps.  his  brows  raise  higher  the  further  up  his  brazen  look  -  over  goes.  “who?  oh.  sorry  ‘bout  that,  love."  england  still  clings  to  him  too,  but  more  like  cologne  fading  out  in  the  room,  a  hint,  a  slight.  “i  totally  got  caught  in  your  body  language.  blondie's  fuckin'  irrelevant  so  far  as  you're  concerned.”  he  gives  an  easy  smile.  she's  never  done  this  before;  that's  fine.  tobias  has  done  it,  a  thousand  times,  and  a  thousand  more,  and  he  never  gets  tired  of  it.  “no,  no!  i  like  it.  i  like  moxie,  it's  like.  gggggrrrrr.”  he  curls  his  lip,  and  because  of  his  previous  gulping  drink,  the  purr  doesn't  really  come  out.  just  kinda  —  rolls  around  on  the  ground  like  a  fat  tabby  cat.  “no mistakes. just happy accidents.”  one  platform  -  sole  kicks  out  the  stool  next  to  him.  “take  a  seat.  don't  be  afraid  to  fall.  i'm  a  good  catcher.  i  was  wide  receiver  for  a  reason.”  whoa.  since  when  did  american  football  sound  so  — anyways.

[hypnotiscd]

SHE LIKES HIM WITH THE GLASSES ON , always has . used to make fun of him for them , but then say ' no ! ' quick fast when he'd try take them off . a familiar part within her tugs , almost wants to say that again now as he pulls the frames off his face . but that's not her right anymore . " you're short-staffed ? shocking that people won't work here , with your known reputation for being dodgy and hoarding stolen goods . i wonder why you're short staffed ! " she says , voice swimming in sarcasm . nadia could never understand his infatuation with this place . even now , as she looks around , all nadia can discern is junk . shiny , sure , but junk nonetheless . yet azi has always somehow had the eye to see more . she rolls her eyes , grin large on her face , as he mentions a date . even when they were together , a date was never in the cards . they hardly got each other flowers , or sent texts with ' i miss you ' . instead , nadia would stare at her phone for hours , trying to find the exact cool , nonchalant way to say ' hey , wanna hang out tonight ? ' to her own boyfriend . she tilts her head , taking in him ( handsome ) and his haircut ( hideous ) . she puts a hand to her chest in mock offence , even though his words ring as true as ever . " maybe i was trying to make you ugly so you'd stop flirting with other people . you know , while you had a girlfriend ?" a reminder she'll never stop slinging his way . while nadia tried her best to always act cool and indifferent , azi had a penchant of rubbing close to people at parties , breathing near their necks or shells of their ear . she could always tell the exact moment he remembered she'd exist , and would turn back to her , sheepish , caught in the act . nadia takes a small step back , grin turning flirtatious as azi taps her collarbone . her heartrate picks up . skin flushes . heat intensifies . A FAMILIAR DANCE , but one they don't do together anymore . " i can come over to yours . . but we're NOT having sex . " she's almost saying it more to herself then to him at this point .

there’s  only  a  few  things  he  truly  cares  about  ,  and  the  dollface  at  sisters  of  the  moon  is  on  that  list  .  he  still  doesn’t  know  what  led  him  and  nadia  to  become  a  pair  ,  once  upon  a  time  ;  the  lines  get  blurry  when  he  thinks  about  it  for  too  long  .  then  again  ,  their  lines  have  always  been  blurry  .  he’s  caught  up  in  inspecting  an  old  typewriter  when  the  soft  lull  of  her  voice  draws  his  attention  away  .  a  grin  tugs  at  the  corner  of  his  lip  as  he  turns  his  head  towards  her  .  “  cut  me  some  slack  ,  i’m  short  -  staffed  .  ”  he  says  with  bemusement  .  he  reads  the  notifications  on  his  phone  ,  and  his  grin  only  widens  at  her  triple  texts  .  “  you’re  always  trying  to  take  me  out  on  a  date  .  when  will  you  get  the  hint  ,  nadia  ?  ”  a  part  of  him  believes  that  even  if  he  did  text  her  back  and  turned  down  the  offer  ,  she  would’ve  still  showed  up  in  the  same  manner  .  but  there  is  no  universe  where  he  would  turn  nadia  down  for  something  she  wanted  .  azizi  takes  off  his  glasses  and  runs  a  hand  through  his  hair  .  “  you  don’t  like  it  ?  ”  if  anybody  else  made  such  a  comment  on  his  hair  ,  he’d  be  punching  them  out  of  his  store  right  now  .  but  with  nadia  ,  he  only  chuckles  .  “  i  cut  it  myself  .  but  there  is  no  way  it’s  worse  than  that  abomination  of  a  haircut  you  gave  me  .  you  made  me  ugly  ,  nadia  ,  and  i  am  not  an  ugly  man  .  it’s  unforgivable  .  ”  azi  already  makes  up  his  mind  before  she  starts  her  spiel  to  convince  him  .  he  stands  up  from  his  chair  ,  slightly  towering  over  her  ,  and  reaches  out  to  tap  his  fingers  against  her  collarbone  lightly  —  a  familiar  sign  of  affection  that  he  couldn’t  let  go  of  after  they  broke  up  .  “  fine  ,  if  i  must  ,  ”  he  faux-sighs  with  an  eye  roll  .  “  i  don’t  want  to  go  to  the  bar  ,  so come  over  to  my place  ,  and  i’ll  fix  you  a  drink  .  ”

[hypnotiscd]

○    NOW DELIVERING TO . . .    ⏤ @lifekisses !

as soon as the door opens , nadia holds up a grocery bag of face masks , chocolate and most importantly : WINE . " i come bearing as many goods as i can . i also think there's spray paint in there so we can vandalise ricardo's mcMansion too if we want ? " she offers . she looks at bronte , soaks in her familiarity , the warmth of love and understanding between them . nadia could sink right into her arms right now , if that's something the pair ever did . but it isn't , so instead , nadia wiggles the bag in a sort - of - dance . " also i know we both know it , but it bears repeating : you look hot as fuck in the photos . nobody's talking about that and it's giving misogyny , y'know ? " she pretends to sigh . " the world hates to see two hot bitches . " nadia doesn't dig under the flesh , nor to the meaty part . the question that lingers on hers and everyone else's brain : why didn't bronte say anything ? what were her and daniela doing together ? because none of that matters right now . all that matters , all that CAN matter and WILL matter , is bronte , bronte , bronte .

[hypnotiscd]

there it is : the truth laid bare , like something devastating that nadia can't tear her gaze away from . nadia knows josie is right . she knows that nobody forced ruby to leave . but ruby TALKED to josie before they left . and josie . . . josie let her leave . she let her leave nadia . sharpness stings her eyes at the cold memory . it feels like icy snow , whipping in her face . " she might have stayed . " nadia says hotly . " what could you have done ? you could have . . " a laugh leaves her , absurd . she looks around , waves her hands uselessly . " you could have told them to stay . that they're loved here . that while i'm here , there would always BE SOMEONE there for them . you knew how i felt . "

and that's the salt in the wound . nadia hadn't wanted to tell anyone . she'd whispered the truth to josie on a late night , sheets coiled between them . then a few days later josie had told ruby to leave anyways . " yeah , easy for you to say . you got to fucking leave and come back to someone . tell me , josie , how nice is it to come home to two parents ? " nadia snaps . her chest heaves . " while i watched ruby's mum die . while i stayed behind and waited . " nobody told her to do that , though . that's the worst part . the ugliest realisation , like staring at yourself in the mirror and saying : you did this to yourself . " if it's so awful , why did you even bother coming back ? we both know it wasn't for anyone , or anything , josie . you forget i know you . you only care about one person in this world : yourself. "

𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗮  𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝘀  𝗷𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗲  𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲  𝘀𝗵𝗲  𝗴𝗼𝗲𝘀.  she  can't  help  it.  she's  got  a  personality  larger  than  life  and  a  heart  to  match,  and  she'll  follow  it  wherever  it  takes  her.  it  leads  to  consequences  that  she  normally  takes  and  accepts,  but  this  one  will  always  be  a  hard  pill  to  swallow.  she  fucked  up.  if  only  she'd  kept  her  mouth  shut  —  not  to  nadia,  but  to  ruby  —  hadn't  made  herself  an  accomplice  to  abandonment,  then  nadia  wouldn't  be  standing  in  front  of  her,  staring  at  her  like  she's  some  sort  of  stranger.  “  i  never  told  ruby  to  leave,  okay?  she  made  decision  on  her  own,  ”   josie  admits  with  a  shaky  breath,  because  nadia  needs  to  know  it  isn't  just  the  two  of  them  in  this  equation.

“  she  wanted  out,  i  didn't  want  to  stop  her.  tell  me,  what  was  i  supposed  to  do?  ”   she  takes  a  deep  breath,  gaze  roaming  everywhere  but  at  her.  she  didn't  want  to  look  at  her,  to  see  the  hurt  in  nadia's  eyes  that  she  caused.  it  was  too  much  to  bear,  knowing  she  can't  be  the  one  to  ease  her  pain  this  time.  “  this  place  . . .  it's  awful,  nadia.  we  all  knew  that.  ”   red  creek  is  where  dreams  go  to  die.  it's  why  josie  left  too,  and  why  she  came  back  when  her  career  failed  to  take  off.

[hypnotiscd]

the fight within nadia always leaves as quickly as it started . instead , she's left standing in front of someone who she once knew like her own heartbeat . yet all that's left between them are questions : why did you do this ? why did you know what you were doing and do it anyway ? her eyes run over josie's , trying to find some familiarity . this can't be the same girl that nadia used to stifle laughter into the crook of her shoulder with . " apologies are useless , josie . " the words croak out of her , her own shoulders sinking . her entire body feels so heavy now , without josie there to help hold it up . " how am i meant to ever trust you again ? " because that's what it all comes back to . nadia let josie in , showed her her own heart , her mind , her thoughts . she loved her .

" why ? " it breaks in half out of her mouth . " you've never told me why . " josie was meant to be her person , above all else . she was meant to have her back , not be the one with the knife in her hands .

𝗶𝘁  𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀  𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲  𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿  𝗮𝗴𝗼  𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁  𝗷𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗲  𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱  𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸  𝗮𝘁  𝗻𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗮  𝗮𝗻𝗱  𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹  𝘁𝗵𝗲  𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗿  𝘁𝗵𝗿𝘂𝗺  𝗼𝗳  𝗵𝗲𝗿  𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁,  but  seeing  her  now,  all  she  knows  is  a  different,  brand  new  ache  in  her  chest.  there's  a  part  of  her  that  wants  to  believe  nadia  approaching  her  again  is  a  sign  that  things  are  going  to  get  better,  that  they'd  go  back  to  the  way  things  used  to  be  —  to  being  nadia  &  josie  again  —  and  put  this  all  behind  them  like  they  used to do  with  every  petty  argument.  but  this  wasn't  just  a  petty  argument,  it  was  a  revelation  so  severe  that  josie  would  have  to  spend  a  million  lifetimes  atoning  for  what  she's  done,  and  she  would  do  it  without  hesitation  and  more  if  it  meant  nadia  would  look  at  her  fondly  again.

the  news  comes  as  a  shock  to  josie.  nadia  had  mentioned  a  brother  a  handful  of  times,  though  it  was  never  about  good  things.  the  pain  in  nadia's  eyes  when  he  was  brough  up  was  so  palpable  that  josie  had  once  promised  her  she'd  never  be  left  again.  but  so  much  for  promises.  what  strikes  her  most  is  the  tail-end  of  her  sentence,  a  withering  remark  that  josie  would  equate  to  a  stab  in  the  gut.  she  knows  she  deserves  it,  knows  she  might  as  well  be  just  a  traitor  in  nadia's  eyes  until  the  day  they  both  die,  and  the  worst  part  of  it  all  is  that  she  doesn't  regret  it.  josie  just  wishes  the  outcome  had  been  different.  “  i  don't  know  how  many  times  i  have  to  apologize  for  you  to  forgive  me.  ”

[hypnotiscd]

○    NOW DELIVERING TO . . .    ⏤ @enternights !

nadia doesn't do well with anger . she's never let it in , has always preferred to cover it up with biting laughter , sarcastic comments , easy and quick shrugs . but she'd also never felt such outright betrayal before josie kelly . nowadays , though , it doesn't feel as harsh and all encompassing as it used to . it feels more lonely than that . it feels like they were two girls who used to hold hands during sleepovers , raid each other's closets , tease ruby over rafael . it feels like they're two girls who used to tell each other everything , know everything , see everything . there is a familiarity with josie that nadia does not want to feel or see anymore .

" hey , just an fyi . i figure you should hear it from me first . " she inhales . " my brother's back in town . " the words MY BROTHER feel foreign on her lips , her mouth , her tongue . they almost sound as vulnerable as saying I LOVE YOU I CARE ABOUT YOU PLEASE STAY IM SORRY , which is maybe why nadia averts her gaze before continuing . " but maybe you can go talk to him and convince him to leave again . you're good at that , right ? " it's scathing and unnecessary . NADIA ISN'T THIS PERSON . she isn't meant to be this person . but she misses her best friend , she misses everyone . and who else can forgive or love someone as rotten as her ? someone made to be left behind ?

[hypnotiscd]

“Because, really, I must get out of this exhausted house.”

— Yannis Ritsos, tr. by Kimon Friar, from Modern Greek Poetry; “Moonlight Sonata,”

[hypnotiscd]

○    NOW DELIVERING TO . . .    ⏤ @huntov3r !

○    WHERE . . .  redstone bar

NADIA IS A LITTLE BIT TIPSY , and by a little tipsy . . she means she's had a few more drinks than she intended . but is that really her fault when she'd walked into redstone and seen her brother behind the bar ? the same man she hasn't seen from majority of her life , showing up out of the blue , right when murders are happening and people are going missing ? she should have set her shoulders and left . gone to the warehouse instead . it would have been easier , but nadia is not feeling like someone who deserves easy . it's petty , and immature , but if zak is going to be here , haunting her like a ghost , then at least she can take advantage of free drinks while he pretends to care about her . she can feel zak's sad eyes on her , silent , irritating like a fly . FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS . her eyes work around the room before finding exactly who and what she needs to find : A NEW FACE . nadia downs another shot , wincing at the burn , before moving her hand through her hair and walking over with deliberation .

" hey . you . is that blonde haired guy behind the bar still looking at me ? " alarm bells go off in her head . she never got to be reckless . she never got to be a child . she never got to be a lot of things , because zak left and her parents were children themselves . nadia tells herself she's allowed to have this . she closes her eyes , one hand out to steady herself . just as quickly as the faux bravado overcame her , it leaves again . " i'm not . . i don't usually do this . " it sounds pathetic even to her own ears . nadia reopens her eyes and stares at the person before her . " sorry . this was a mistake . "

[hypnotiscd]

she sees something flash in his eyes , because she's seen it in her own eyes : regret . hesitation . unsureness . DO YOU REMEMBER ME ? he asks it like a man begging on the street ( he looks like it , too ) . " yes . " the word leaves her lips although she's still not sure , has never felt so unsure in her entire life . her eyes work over him once , twice , three times . computing . thinking . considering . there are people that your soul will know forever , even when you try to beat it out of you , even when you spend nights with a pillow shoved over your face crying hoarsely . there are people who are made of the same parts of the night sky . THIS MAN . . . whatever he is made out of , it is a mirror of what nadia is made out of . it feels like a cruel knife in her gut , and for a second nadia does consider that maybe she has been stabbed . her eyes fall to her stomach , to double check , but it's as bare as it's always been . EMPTY SPACE .

" you're my - " she cuts the words off . her eyes slide back up to his . it doesn't matter because his hands move deftly to his wallet and he's pulling out a photograph that's worn and needs desperately replacing . but nadia could recognise it , and the faces imprinted there , in a heartbeat . nadia doesn't take the photograph . she's too scared it'll disintegrate in her fingers if she does . she looks at it , though , and holds her breath . SHE DOESN'T RECOGNISE HERSELF FOR A SECOND . there is a small girl , smiling , untroubled , unabandoned , joyful . nadia wonders when she stopped looking like that . she swallows thickly , before her eyes roam to the taller man in the photo beside her . HE LOOKS YOUNG , BUT FULL . coloured in compared to his otherwise now greyscale counterpart . nadia's eyebrows knit together in confusion as she looks at the photo . there are faces here , including her own , which she hasn't seen in years . his thumb delicately covers their parents and she's glad for it . they are gone . nadia's eyes slowly move back up to his . she hasn't even realised she's taken a small , timid step closer to him . " ZAKARIAH ? " her face twists , confused . " i thought you were off living that rockstar life . " it sounds frigid and small in this space , like a clump of unwashed laundry . she looks at him again , trying to understand , trying to recognise him . " . . . are you on something ? " the words are an accident , left over from the cruel ability she has to blurt out the first thing in her mind that is currently scrambled . but is that why he's come back here ? for money ? because he's shit out of luck . nadia is hardly basking in spare change .

when  nadia  turns  towards  him,  zak  expects  familiarity  to  overtake  him.  he  expects  -  to  recognize  the  curve  of  her  nose,  the  cheeks  she's  grown  into,  big  brown  eyes  the  same  as  they  were  too  many  years  ago.  he  expects  to  recognize  nadia,  born  from  the  same  flesh  he  was  -  born  to  the  same  negligent  people.  he  wants  to  feel  kinship.  what  he  feels  instead  is  -  a  hollowed  unfamiliarity.  the  eyes  of  a  stranger  that  flicker  in  recognition,  then  something  else  he  can't  place.  something  unreadable.  his  throat  dries;  it's  always  dry  -  but  he  feels  it,  now.  it's  more  akin  to  staring  at  a  missing  poster  -  the  kind  that  show  a  side  by  side  image.  child  next  to  perceived  adulthood.

she  takes  a  step  back;  and  guilt  instantly  breaks  the  dam  and  floods  into  him,  all  at  once.  this  was  a  mistake,  he  thinks  -  no,  what  other  choice  did  he  have?  to  walk  side  by  side  as  strangers,  never  to  say  a  word  to  each  other?  to  wait  outside  their  childhood  home,  hoping  for  a  porch  light  to  flicker  on,  just  for  him?  zak  stays  rooted  in  place.  he  doesn't  inch  forward  -  scared  of  scaring  her  off,  scared  of  losing  her;  somehow,  some  way.  "do  you  remember  me?"  a  pause  -  a  heartbeat  skipping,  lurching,  hoping.  "do  you  -  know  me?  who  i  am?"  his  hands  move,  then;  wallet  emerging  from  his  coat  pocket,  fingers  flicking  it  open  -  pulling  out  something  sun  -  bleached,  old  and  worn.  it's  hard  to  see  the  faces  -  their  faces  -  beneath  the  years  -  old  damage,  beneath  decades  gone  by  within  the  blink  of  an  eye.  zak  holds  the  photo  out,  a  thumb's  smudge  over  their  parents'  faces.