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25 Things I Learnt by 25

Good and evil are universal constants of life. They exist beyond the scopes of race, religion and nationality. Don’t make the error of associating someone’s acts of good or evil with their physical attributes.

There is no shame in pursuing formal education in something you were once passionate about but never making a living out of it. The learning journey is already itself a destination, and something you should be very proud of.

Growing up is a continuous series of learning, unlearning and relearning. You will find that some ideas you grew up with are unhealthy to your well-being and the people around you. Learn to recognize and let go of those ideas. Accept that you can and will do better.

Every new day is the first day of the rest of your life. It’s never too late to start learning and pursuing things you truly enjoy doing while you are here.

A healthy dose of nostalgia is good sometimes. To remind yourself of things that exist outside your current worries in life, and that whatever you are going through now will most likely pass - just like everything else.

It is perfectly okay to be passionate about something you might never master. It is the passion, not the skills, that make it meaningful. Keep being into it anyway.

The help you give other people can sometimes look awfully similar to the help you need. Listen to your inner call for help every once in a while.

Sharing your emotions with people you trust and love is so important as you grow up. Be it a group of close friends or a partner. Find people in your life whom you can create a safe space around.

Be mindful of the privileges that have been given to you in life before passing judgments and comments on other people who might not have had the same opportunities in life as you.

Take some time every day to look at the sunrise and sunset - you never know when it will be your last.

“The reality” often means different things for different people. Just because you have experienced something to be true doesn’t mean it is true for every single person on the planet. Refrain from generalizing your personal experience to the whole world. (And learn your hypothesis testing.)

There is as much love and beauty in this world as there is cruelty and terror. Never fail to choose and fight for the former over the latter.

Blissful ignorance is a dangerous thing that allows evil to thrive. Many unethical, unsustainable and harmful practices in the world are relying on people simply being ignorant of what’s going on outside their own lives.

People are often more profound and interesting than they initially let on - throw your first impressions and preconceived ideas of them out the window.

Being only in your own head and seeing only from your own perspective for too long is bound to turn out bad for you. Learn to talk to other people who might have a different point of view than yours, and more importantly, learn to agree to disagree.

Beautiful memories are beautiful because they don’t last forever. Knowing that you have experienced something that only passes you once in this lifetime makes it all more meaningful.

When life gets a little overwhelming, it often helps to take a moment and step outside of your own frame of reference and see things in a bigger picture. You will find that most of it will not matter in the long run and is not worth losing your mind and self over.

Never trust billionaires and millionaires when they claim to be “self-made”. No one earns billions of dollars without participating in some kind of exploitation of the working class.

A lot of stress in life comes from trying to have control over things that are beyond your control.

In a time where empathy is scarce, the ability to put yourself in another’s position makes all the difference in the world.

Whatever you see on someone’s social media profile can never really represent more than a tiny fraction of their complex life. Stop comparing your whole life to instances of someone else’s.

Our way of living for the past century takes a heavy toll on the world’s natural state and resources. Unless humans decide to collectively educate ourselves and take action today, we are actively preparing our children’s generation for a hell on earth in about 30 years’ time.

Radiohead finally made sense while being jobless at 23.

Grief over the loss of something or someone can come from different places and manifest itself in different forms. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s an emotion that you may or may not completely get over, and will become part of your life forever - and that’s okay.

Everybody in the world is just trying their best to play and survive a rigged game - be good to each other. (Except for those who rigged the game, I guess.)

“Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final”

— Rainer Maria Rilke

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The Block

Hello.

So I haven't posted anything on here in almost 3 years. Not only that, I also haven’t written/expressed any personal thoughts in a coherent body of text in 3 years. Yes, it's that bad. I have always struggled and had doubts about myself when it comes to writing, even back when I first started. I mean, I've never done it as anything else but a hobby, but I have to say that the past 3 years was probably the lowest I’ve been in terms of writing/creativity/self-expression. And it’s not like I didn’t have any thoughts I wanted to express - just that every time I try to write there's a part of my mind that just screams “Stop! Can’t do this!”. God knows how many times I've started a blank page and then deleted everything after a few sentences in. 

I have tried to pinpoint the reason(s) for this mental block. I saw a post here once that pretty much sums up the feeling. I thought that maybe I had simply lost the ability to express without feeling like I was repeating myself, which is only partly true. Then I realized that the bigger problem was that I felt like whatever it is I'm trying to say has already been said by someone else, and in a much more eloquent way too. This excuse stuck around for a while, until I found another- and another, and another. Some other reasons I came up with:

-- No time (too busy with uni work) -- Not motivated/inspired enough (not enough reading) -- No audience (not enough followers)

In fairness, some of these reasons were actually true to some extent. I was in the middle of doing my degree abroad and struggling to find time to read outside of my course to get inspired enough to write. And it's not like my writings will ever reach more than a handful of people so why bother right? But then these same circumstances have never really stopped me from expressing myself through writing a few years before (nor should they stop me). There had to be more underlying issues that I'm ignoring. Then at some point, I just got tired of thinking about it all and decided that maybe it’s time I stopped trying so hard to do it.

But I’ve been revisiting the idea of expressing myself again lately. After some self-reflection, I think I finally managed to boil down the mental block to these issues:

I was struggling so much to express myself because there was no self to express - at least, no constant self at any given time anyway. I was going through a lot of changes around me. Found myself in an unfamiliar environment which demanded growth in almost every aspect of myself. Meanwhile I was still trying to write as my younger persona. It just doesn't make sense (and a bit ironic considering how much I talk about how much everyone is constantly changing and all that). I am still growing even as I'm writing this, but I think an important thing to realize is that writing has to come from a genuine self - and that genuine self may change from time to time, which means my writing style may also change from time to time. But that's completely okay. There needs to be an acceptance of whoever you are in the present moment.

At the same time, I was also becoming very conscious of how much the things I say (and have said) actually come from a place of privilege and ignorance. To the point that it's crippling my confidence to even say anything. What if my opinion on this thing is biased because I had access to something that others may not have? What if my opinion is not fully formed because I'm not seeing the full picture? I realize now that it's not a very healthy way to go about living life. It's probably better to say something and get it wrong so you can learn, rather than not say anything at all and worry about it your whole life (I'm still working on this one though).

When I started this blog, I kinda set the tone of this blog to be very serious and somber. But that was probably just because I was a very serious and somber person at the time. I used to write as a coping mechanism to process some difficult emotions. In recent years I would sometimes struggle to keep up with that tone because I had grown a lot emotionally. Not to say that I'm happy and cheerful all the time now, but it's definitely a more complete spectrum now. I'm not into poetry so much nowadays, but that's okay because there are other ways to express myself and my emotions which are just as valid.

Things have been a bit more stable lately. I think, I'm a lot more comfortable in my own shoes now. I've been getting the desire to write again, which is always a good first step. Although, I can't promise I'll write twice a week or something like that but I will try my best to express myself more - for no other reason than because it makes me feel at home, and because I want to do it.

Till next time, Amin

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Thoughts on Friendship #2

I've been thinking about human companionship. About what sits at the core of relationships. About what causes two complete strangers to cross paths, and stay in that new entangled path. Why is it that some friendships stay and some wither away? What really binds us together? We often fall into the trap of thinking that the relationships we have with people are something that can be earned. Something to feel entitled to. Just a collection of people whom we know (and know us) that we might turn to again in the future. But it’s really not as simple as that, is it? No one owes you any form of companionship just because you’ve been nice to them a few times. We can’t exchange anything for companionship - not even niceness. 

I think, at some point, every one of us has stumbled upon the depressing notion that some people are not meant to stay in our lives. As sad as that is, it has proven itself to be the case time and time again. Human beings look out for personal incentives, and sometimes it happens that the incentive exists in the form of another human being. The problem with a connection based on personal incentives is it falters easily, because our needs and desires also falter and fluctuate from time to time. If you think about it, to have even one long-term friend at all, with whom you can still talk after years have passed, is such an enormous miracle. This person/group of people who you once crossed paths with, for whatever reason, still chooses to let you into their own personal journey even when the thing that first bound you is long gone.

It is a sad truth to live with that there are some people whom you just can’t simply connect with anymore. People who have been separated from you by too much time, or too much tragedy. But there are also people who came into our lives a long time ago, and never really left ever since. The people who always welcome you with a big smile and open arms even when there is nothing in it for them anymore. The people who support your growth and recognize that everyone has a personal journey, and still try to contribute in small ways to yours. Maybe we will start to appreciate these people more, if we start to think of them as what they really are: a grand blessing. Maybe it will be different, and better, this time around.

(I wrote something similar to this a few years ago, which can be found here - hence #2)

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If I were to do one thing in this life and one thing only, let it be to make at least one person in this world believe in love again - even after they have been given so many reasons not to. That would be a life fulfilled.

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There is no way in which we can give up experiencing life in favor of attaining wisdom. Life and wisdom come hand in hand, often the latter after the former. If you ever find that you’re wise about something you haven’t experienced, chances are it is just blind cynicism. Often, the only real way forward is total immersion. You need to be able to let life soak your skin.

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Everyone has a mechanism to cope with the weight of this world, none of which is superior than another. Be nice to each other.

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Oh but you must keep in touch with all the things and all the people that make you feel most alive, dear. In the end, they are what make all the weight of this world bearable - the only things in life that have ever been, and will ever be, worth it.

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There is something eerily peaceful about the dawn. From the silence to the darkness, it is truly a privilege to be able to breathe in the air of life just as it’s about to fade into color. It is life, just before all the noise and chaos - life as it should be experienced. It’s the only time of the day you are free from any weight the world can give you. You’re suspended outside of time. Your soul opens up, waiting to be sought. In Islam, it is a time of the day when one is heavily encouraged to make extra prayers and supplications. Maybe this is the reason. When the rest of the day constantly weighs you down on your shoulders, what better time to retreat to your personal sanctuary other than the dawn? 

Though do tread carefully when you seek the dawn, for it does not wait for you and does not last very long. You will be 5 years older before you know it and be filled with more regrets than you expected. But you should never ever doubt its worth; in my experience, every encounter has never failed to give me a renewed sense of self. It is absolutely beautiful.

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Some pains are necessary for growth. To understand the world around you. To become whole. We need to experience the pain of losing a loved one, or the pain of watching someone you love be in love with someone else, in order to understand love. We need to experience the pain of failing again and again, or the pain of not being good enough, in order to understand hope. We need to experience the pain of being betrayed, or the pain of being in a conflict, in order to understand mercy. Hurtful as they are, those experiences form parts of who we are, no matter how much we wish that they had not happened. It is through those pains we grasp the merit of being alive and the virtue of existing - that is something worth cherishing.

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22 Life Lessons in 22 years

1. Meaning in life is subjective. What you find meaningful may not have any meaning at all to someone else, and vice versa. Don’t let this distract you; continue to create a meaningful life anyway.

2. Substance wins over form, any day. There is no point building a facade of greatness if it’s not based on genuine interest or passion. Always start from within. 

3. There are other types of wealth beside financial wealth, such as emotional wealth and spiritual wealth. Don’t deprive yourself of them. After all is said and done, they are the things you will cherish above anything else.

4. Everyone will feel lost in their life at some point after finishing school. Some people get over that feeling after a few years; others just get better at hiding it. 

5. Whatever’s troubling you right now will pass sooner than you think. Keep going, and don’t let go.

6. Some days you will wake up not quite feeling like the person you’re meant to be. That’s okay, and that’s normal. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Forgive yourself and start over tomorrow.

7. One of the hardest things to do in life is to think for yourself. Most people adopt an outside voice–sometimes without realizing–and settle for that. 

8. The things we don’t say when we should haunt us just as much as the things we say when we shouldn’t. Figuring out the right things to say at the right time can take a lifetime to master. 

9. Emotions are not gender-specific. Anyone can experience the same range of emotions without feeling the need to hide it. The idea that men are only allowed to feel a certain set of emotions and women another is detrimental to your emotional well-being.

10. Religion is something that needs to be genuinely rooted in the heart, not merely followed like a cult. Skepticism towards religion is healthy sometimes, but never let it go unresolved - seek truthful answers.

11. Some people you meet will find you insignificant in the long run. That's okay, we can't be important to everyone all the time. Cherish those who truly appreciate you, even if for a short time.

12. There are countless things in life to be upset about, but only a few of them are worth your energy and time. Be selective when spending them.

13. It is terribly easy to romanticize – or demonize – the idea of certain things and people. Learn to see things as they are, and not as what you would like them to be.

14. There is more than one type of intelligence in this world. Don’t let yourself believe that you’re unintelligent just because you don’t fit into one particular type - you simply just haven’t recognized yours yet. 

15. You can be whole without being romantically attached. Just because you’re not in a conventional relationship doesn’t mean your experience of life is somehow less complete than people who are in one. Relationships are for when you’re ready to share your wholeness with someone else.

16. People speak by implication, more than you realize. Pay attention to what they’re really saying in between the lines. 

17. There is no way to shut people up from talking and making pointless remarks, but you can choose to filter out the noise and keep on doing what you believe is important. Focus on that instead.

18. Corruption can happen anywhere and at any level. Just because it’s part of the social norms doesn’t make it any less wrong. Don’t let yourself conform to immoral standards. 

19. The past is the farthest possible distance from us. It is a waste of time to think about what you could have done differently yesterday. Make peace with your past, and move along.

20. You can’t ever make people do things they don’t want, or feel things they don’t feel, or be someone they’re not. What you can do is speak your thoughts with honesty, and hope that someone will pick up a thing or two.

21. Be sincere in your farewells. Cry if you must. For all you know it could be your last time seeing them in the flesh. And it is such a terrible feeling, finding out that someone you once knew is gone - when you don’t even remember the last thing you said to each other.

22. Everyone walks at their own pace in life. Just because your peers have graduated, got a job or got married earlier than you, doesn’t mean that you're doing badly in life. Learn what you can from them, but remember to grow at your own time.

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Time to stop feeding this delusion. We are well overdue for absolution.

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What a crippling feeling, to realise that the voices you thought were yours all this while turn out to be influenced by someone or something else too. Who will you find once you strip away all those influences? Who are you really?

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I've been getting impulses to detach myself from everyone I’ve ever been, and every voice I’ve ever adopted. 

I am in search of a purer, and wiser, self. 

I hope I will have the strength to leave behind every speck of ignorance and every word of dishonesty.

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People are often most interesting when they drop their facades. For some reason I find it easier to connect with people when I see the side of them they don’t want everyone else to know. There’s some kind of comfort in knowing that people are also worried that they’ll run out of things to say in conversations, that they’re also facing the same struggles as you do in social circumstances. We live in a time where being artificial is sometimes more valued than being genuine, it’s easy to forget that the things we say or do to make ourselves look better in people’s eyes may not be the same things that truly resonate with what we really feel inside. I think it’s important to recognise the boundary between those two. We all wear masks to protect who we really are inside, but that shouldn’t diminish the version of ourselves that makes us feel most alive. No one should go too long without taking their masks off once in a while. I hope you allow yourself to breathe properly today.

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Sometimes I get this urge to send an “are you okay?” message to everyone I’ve ever known, including those I haven’t spoken to in years. I’ve also had to repeatedly mentally stop myself from doing that because apparently people don’t do it. It's not normal. People cross paths once and forget each other afterwards, that’s how life works. Rekindling past friendships? What an unusual thing to do. But still, I think it would be a nice genuine way to reconnect with everyone, y'know? Maybe one day I will actually do it, when I finally stop giving a damn about what people do or don’t do.

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Tonight I will let life take me wherever it deems necessary, in pursuit of greater clarity.

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I wish I could be as reassuring to myself as I am to others.