i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

squinting suspiciously at cishet couples. which both of you is the dog?

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

okay now I'm curious and I dunno if this is really such an archaic foreign thing to young people today or if I'm just out of touch

Please reblog, I'd love to see a lot of responses!

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

(never degraded someone before) you have your mother's cruelty. and your father's cowardice.

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

me: man my cock is so chafed. who could have done this.

the common cockchafer:

me: the common what

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

For the longest time I opted on the side of "no coffee, potatoes, etc" in fantasy writing, on the argument that if I was writing a pseudo-european medieval story, featuring elements brought to Europe by colonialism would imply the existence of colonialism, and if I was going to include that kind of elements, I could not just mention them casually, it would have to be a major theme of the story.

Then I scrolled past a post on tumblr specifically about "can you have potatoes in a fantasy setting for no reason" that had pics of Peruvian potato farmers and asked "are you really too much of a coward to not write these people into your stories?" (the tone was probably not that accusative, I paraphrase from my own perspective of this), and something clicked in my head, and this epiphany manifested in my head as Gordon Ramsay yelling

"IT WAS NOT THE FUCKING COLONIALISM THAT INVENTED THE FUCKING POTATO."

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

google search how to remove spine for several hours

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

First night sleeping in my bed with my gf, back is hurting so much that I can't sleep :(

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

the concept of having a girlfriend is insane a girl laughs at your jokes enough times and then you’re like i guess it’s my life’s mission to make you do that forever

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

i’m obsessed with the mum from ponyo. driving single lane on a cliff edge? drift those turns in your nissan cube. husband has to work an extra shift? tell him to fuck off in morse code. pet fish turned into a child on your driveway? adopt her. town drowned in a tsunami? leave your 5 year old in charge, he’s the man of the house now

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

Trump says there is good news regarding Gaza and that a deal is very close.

Netanyahu says we will achieve the goals of the war and eliminate Hamas.

And I say: I am hungry, I am hungry, I am hungry.

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

There's a pervasive quality to self loathing that seems so impossible for people to grasp. People will praise and admire and love and put me on a pedestal and at the end of the day I'm alone again and I look down on myself just as much as I always did. The idea that my life has inherent value, the idea that this world and its people's lives are better with me in it. It's something I rationally, theoretically understand, but that never feels emotionally true. Other people are there, doing what I do. Doing it better. People who are less troubled and complicated and broken. My friends could be spending their time with other, better people. I imagine a version of myself who is worth knowing and it's someone that couldn't possibly ever exist. The real me is too flawed. Too many scars. A funhouse mirror of a better me. Unacceptable.... And yet I'm here. I'm stuck with the me I am. Much as I've changed it to my liking, there's so much that can't be changed. We make do with what we have. That's just how it is. But no matter how I attempt to relate these thoughts to people, I'm met with confusion and concerned stares. The concept of my self loathing as alien to them as the concept of self love is to me. They can't understand what it is to know you're simply not enough. And then I feel truly alone.

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

Oh to be someone worth admiring.

Someone worth knowing.

Someone worth caring for.

What a blessed existence that must be.

I would give almost anything.