i-cant-find-a-pen-blog - Tumblr blog

[i-cant-find-a-pen-blog]

26th

Feeling better this evening. Been chilling talking to ahmed. My hearts calmed down a bit, im starting to accept that just because i cant speak to you doesnt mean you arent okay. You're loyal to me i shoukd know that after all you've done before you left. I miss you a lot. I should be staying in frinton with kat next week. I think that will be good. Id get a bnb to myself as her grandmas old and would find it hard to have me too. But the man at the theatre saud he would pay for all my lunches and travel so im happy. I love you my sammy, time will go fast in frinton so i want to go.

[i-cant-find-a-pen-blog]

Sammy

Hi my baby, i made this because i legit dont have a pen right now. I just wanted a place to write everything unfiltered. I dont want to ruin your trip by saying something wrong so ill write my thoughts as they come on here. So i got home from hospital last night at 3am. The first time i went yesterday was 7, my tongue was swollen at the back i think and i had this horrible taste in my mouth. I couldnt swallow my own spit and you know how good i usually am at swallowing ;) i wass there for 3 hours and then they discharged me because i told them i was okay and that the swelling had gone. It was about 9pm.

When i got home i was okay for like 1hr. But then my lungs started closing up and i starting wheezing. I couldnt get a breath in or out well. So i took both my asthma pumps but no dice. I couldnt stop it. But i didnt want to go back to hospital, on top of this i felt very sick. I sat in the bathroom over the toilet crying because i knew this is the worse asthma attack ive had in years. I just wanted to hold your hand, i needed you and i knew that wasent your fault. But i was scared.

At about 10.30pm we went back to the hospital and they helped me, they gave me lots of sterios tablets for my lungs and they put a mask on my face to get air and steam to my lungs. I sat there for hours wearing it and then i fell asleep while it was on.

I woke up to a doctor saying my oxygen levels were okay now. I was so relieved. But he said my heart rate was way to high because of all the medication so i still had to stay till 3am until it stopped. Hes given me lots of tablets to take. 8 at once. Then another one 4 times a day.

But the thing that most stood out to me was when i was first at the hospital snd they took my heart rate they left me in the room hooked up to the machine for a while. And my mind started to think about you. The thought of you holding me close. And when i imagined being in your arms my heart rate spiked. It was funny, i started testing the machine by suddenly thinking about you then just watching my heart beat go mad. So if that doesnt show i love you i dont know what can.