i-fucked-your-milkshake - Tumblr blog

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She’s a 10 but her character builds are mid.

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We wrapped 5lb bags of flour in duct tape and drew little faces on them. My buddy Sean carried his around for like 2-3 days and one passing period he screamed “fuck this I hate kids” and threw it on the ground and it exploded in a massive cloud of flour right in upstairs B hall. He got a 3 days suspension and failed health class that term. He has three kids now.

okay americans i gotta ask because as an European i grew up with lots of american shows and cartoons and in a lot of them there was an episode where they give the protags a doll or an egg or a bag of flour or whatever and told them pretend to be its parents or something

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Man Reddit was (is?) one of the last places on the internet where you could be pretty anonymous (at least to other users) like I know “social media was a mistake” isn’t really a hot take, especially on Tumblr, which more and more is feeling like the last bastion of old internet bullshittery, but a lot of y’all just weren’t there, where every site you might go to was just silly little user names having silly little conversations about silly little interests and people started blogs using silly little pseudonyms and it was kind of lovely like everyone mostly kept to themselves on their niche little message boards and then fuckin Friendster happened and Friendster led to MySpace led to Facebook led to Google fuckin dropping “don’t be evil” from their corporate mantra and everything being tracked and monetized and really the evolution of the internet is a case study in how corporatization causes ruination you can’t exist in the world without some sort of footprint now like jobs ask for your social media handles and god help you if you want to be a Serious Published Writer without a Twitter and here we all are on our beloved hell site which is more and more becoming the place where the ideals of old are making their last stand so everyone needs to keep firing those rent lowering gun shots because otherwise eventually the VC scum might turn their sights to us and before you know it we’re sending Tumblrs Georg pictures of our fucking IDs to prove we’re really humans and I super don’t want to go through the embarrassment of admitting my mom actually named me i-fucked-your-milkshake.

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Absolutely celebrate the full moons. You don’t even have to like……..make it about magic or spiritual shit. You survived another month. You’re still standing. You lived through the last 28 days and you’re still breathing. If that’s not cause for a bottle of wine and your favorite meal with a couple of your favorite people then I don’t know what is.

You gotta create replacement activities man. We can't just phase out all the church attendance and all the usamerican social holidays cold turkey in the middle of a loneliness epidemic bro like yeah fuck church fuck thanksgiving and FUCK the 4th of July but like what's the long-term plan. People need holidays and repetitive social rituals or they go crazy. Like are we inventing new ones or ....?

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We’re in it now, fellow neurogoths.

Shout out to everyone who never realized that summer seasonal affective disorder is A Thing and spent their whole life being told it’s JUST summertime boredom and if they would only occupy their time better they’d feel better. Turns out we’re not defective, we’re just neurologically goth.

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somehow I got 95/20 on an assignment

I hope they never fix it and leave it this way forever

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The intro to So Long London is a madrigal, or at least meant to suggest a madrigal.

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Texan my whole life but the older I get the less I’m able to tolerate these goddamn summers. 90, while on the verge of Too Hot, feels like the correct temp for the hottest time of day during the hottest time of year. While not The Best, in my ideal world that’s as hot as it gets.

Of course, the dry heat/humidity question is pertinent to this as well. 100° in a dry heat is almost preferable to like 87° with high humidity. The humidity saps you hard. So in Texas summers when it’s like 100+ with high humidity, hitting low 90s feels like a fucking relief.

saw a poll about dry/humid heat and like OBVIOUSLY everyone preferred dry heat but. would love to know what everyone considers to be “too hot”

me personally it’s a hard cutoff at 75°F. don’t need anything more than that thank you 🫶🫶🫶

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One of the dopest literary stories of all time concerns the publication and distribution of Ulysses I’m not even a little bit joking.

James Joyce wrote Ulysses while living in Paris where he, and other modernist authors, hung out in a bookstore called Shakespeare and Company, founded by a woman named Sylvia Beach. The thing you gotta understand about this store and Sylvia is that this was The Place and she was That Bitch. If you were a writer and you came to Paris? You showed up. You bought a book. You talked with Sylvia. It was requisite. The result of this is that she was friends with all the modernists.

Joyce was kinda always perpetually fuckin broke and tended to overspend when he had money so he never had money for long. He was pretty broke at this time and was lamenting the fact that he couldn’t find a publisher to Sylvia. Sylvia was a big fan of Joyce’s work and also a good friend. She hated seeing him broke and was like “you know what my guy? Fuck it. I’ll publish your novel.”

So Joyce gets his book published and has some coin in his pocket and he’s happy. Sylvia has stepped up her career and she’s happy. Only problem? America is passing all sorts of obscenity laws about this time and the wretched moralists in charge have Heard About this book and will absolutely be destroying any copies that make it to port. Making matters worse is that there are hundreds of pre-orders that need to be fulfilled and she can’t do it without the books being confiscated and destroyed.

So Sylvia is lamenting this conundrum to her other good writer friend, Ernest Hemingway, who thinks for a minute and says “Sylvia, gimme a couple days and let me see what I can do.” What else do you say to Hemingway but “sure thing, Ernest.”

Couple days go by and Big Ern comes back to the store with a slip of paper. He hands that slip of paper to Sylvia and she sees it has a phone number. Hemingway tells her to call that number and tell who picks up that Ernest sent her.

There’s not a soul on earth who can resist that prompt and Sylvia, being both only human and also desperate to distribute this book she sunk money she couldn’t really afford into publishing, calls the number. Guy picks up. Asks a few questions about boxes and shipping addresses. Gives her an address in Canada and tells her to include the shipping invoices for the American addresses. Hangs up the phone.

So now a shit load of boxes containing James Joyce’s Ulysses are on their way to Canada. The address? Some fuckin apartment. Owned by This Guy. And everyday this guy takes a few books from the boxes, wraps them up and addresses them, tapes them to his body, and takes the ferry across the lake to the US where he casually slips them into the post boxes and goes on about his day.

Authorities are pretty baffled about how the book is being distributed but no one says a word about until Sylvia Beach spends roughly a page on it in her memoirs, “Shakespeare and Company.”

This was, I think, a few years before Hemingway had to look at F. Scott Fitzgerald’s dick and assure him it was a good size after Zelda told him he had a small cock during an argument…..but that’s another story.

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“I wrote this 5000 word essay expressing my hatred for [fandom] for these reasons.”

My good bitch, you just engaged in some fandom bullshit. Congratulations.

If you hate something, let it go. Clear some bandwidth for shit you enjoy.

Do the anti-whatever fandom people realize they’re kinda also in the fandom they hate? Like if your whole personality online is “fuck this fandom in particular” do you understand that you’re also in the fandom?

Like we can quibble about this sure but you’ve literally become part of the landscape. You’re in this picture. You’re there.

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“I just wanna say that [fandom] is obnoxious and I hate them and….”

Buddy. I’ve been on the internet a long time. Longer than you. A lot longer. Got news for you. You’re in the fandom. You can spin its as nega-fan if you need to, but fandom hate is part and parcel with the fandom. You might be the shadowy place we must never go to, but your existence feeds the ecosystem. May as well buy a fuckin t-shirt because you’re in this as much as anyone.

Do the anti-whatever fandom people realize they’re kinda also in the fandom they hate? Like if your whole personality online is “fuck this fandom in particular” do you understand that you’re also in the fandom?

Like we can quibble about this sure but you’ve literally become part of the landscape. You’re in this picture. You’re there.

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Do the anti-whatever fandom people realize they’re kinda also in the fandom they hate? Like if your whole personality online is “fuck this fandom in particular” do you understand that you’re also in the fandom?

Like we can quibble about this sure but you’ve literally become part of the landscape. You’re in this picture. You’re there.

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My hottest take is fuck sprinkles. They ruin everything they touch.

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No seriously a one off collab album of these two women would be stunning and I need it last year.

Need a whole album of her and Florence + the Machine.

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The Aaron Dessner working relationship has consistently been the most profound and impactful push to her shove.

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Need a whole album of her and Florence + the Machine.