i-think-you-should-leave

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I hope Toilet Truck dies. I honestly hope he dies.

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Oh, I wish I could hear what she's playing. She's off the map.

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Hey, everybody! Look at me! I'm riding the dog!

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Have you been the victim of unfair treatment by a business or a corporation? Has this ever happened to you? You bought a house, it was not disclosed to you that there was a termite infestation in the walls and in the moldings, so you have to take it upon yourself to call your own termite extermination company, but when the guys show up, they immediately ask if they can use your bathroom, then for over two hours, they take turns going in and out of there, taking huge mud pies and over-flushing? Then they go in there together, and you hear a bunch of scrounging around, and then you hear a bunch of yelling, and one of them is standing in the bathroom doorway shouting at you that his friend's foot's stuck in the toilet, and he says, "Help him! You got to help him!" And when you go in there to help him, he just pulls it out easily and laughs 'cause his foot wasn't stuck. It wasn't stuck at all, he was just faking it. And then they get really serious and say, "It's Turbo time!" And they both start running around the house as fast as they can and jumping over the couches. But when you try and jump in, they yell at you and they say, "You're not part of the Turbo Team! Don't run! You don't run with us! We're the ones who run! Until you're part of this Turbo Team, walk... slowly!" So you go and lay down to be by yourself and read your art books, but then the next day, you went into the bathroom, and it looked like the hole in your toilet had shrunk. "How could that be? There's no way they could have shrunk the toilet." But then you saw in the trash a receipt from Home Depot for a toilet the exact same size as yours, but with a joke hole that's just for farts! They replaced your real toilet with a fart toilet, and now you can't take a dump in your house 'cause your toilet can't suck 'em down, and you feel sick to your stomach! Has that ever happened to you? Call me right now, please.

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Bet you didn't know you were driving with The Driving Crooner, did you? Or working with The Driving Crooner.

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At Laser Spine Specialists, with our minimally invasive spine surgery, you can be back on your feet and back in the saddle.

"I never thought I'd ride again. Thanks to Laser Spine Specialists, I'm back on my bike and enjoying life."

"I can finally get back to tending my garden."

"I can finally fight my wife's new husband, Danny Crouse."

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It's done. Get ready to be embarrassed.

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Hey! Who took my cigars?

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🎶 Oh, old Bart Dogfuck 🎶 Had a dong a mile long 🎶 Had a dong a mile long, had he 🎶 He tried to suck it on a tuffet 🎶

...

What the hell did he do?

Hell. Fucking hell. I don't remember the words.

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It was 1982. I was 48, you were nine months. We were on a flight from JFK to London. Saw you immediately. A baby on a seven-hour flight. The first hour was bliss… then the crying started. Small whimpers at first, then came the shrieking. Louder. Louder. Louder. Till it filled the whole cabin. When I arrived in London, I was a shell of a man. Broken. You see, I had spent my entire life savings to go to London to see my beloved Buckingham Palace, so I could see if I could make those soldiers laugh. Because of you, I was too tired to do anything funny! And I vowed from that day forward that I would devote the rest of my life to getting my revenge on you, little baby.

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You know what's driving me nuts? It could literally be any one of us.

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I own every kind of classic car